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fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


You guys should eat the chipotle bitchin' sauce with Fritos scoops. I may have gained 10lbs with one tub but it was worth it.

My boss gave me a $1000 Costco gift card for working nonstop through a pandemic and frankly I have no idea what to do with it. I got some tires and probably 15lbs of cheeses and now I'm vapor locked from choices.

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fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


I have considered all of y'alls advice, listened to none of it, and bought a tent and an shave ice maker. And a ridiculous amount of cat litter. I live 1.5 hours from Costco so I can't really just wander in whenever so I just bought big stuff. I've always loved Costco but actually having money to spend at it is a game changer. I should move closer.

I ate two dogs.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Fallom posted:

Yo that cat litter in the hard plastic container may be a little cheaper and easier to pour than the big bag but it's not worth it. It doesn't clump at all so you just get an unsiftable mess of litter that reeks of ammonia so bad it made me light-headed.

Well I guess I get to experience the wonders of the Costco return policy. I only got it because it's so big and my cats like a lot of litter (cause they're fat).

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


I am currently working on a sheetcake I totally bought for my niece and not because I wanted enough cake to drown in.

I should pour some of the 15lbs of canned nacho cheese I definitely needed to buy on it.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


I thought you were being overwrought but holy poo poo they're 1510mg of sodium per bag. I ate two of those today. Welp I'm gonna die of terminal salt.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Xaris posted:

I tried those a-sha tainen noodles, yeah they aren't good. just tastes like plain noodles with some soy sauce and a bit of sesame oil. no idea how it has 1.5 g of sodium--it has barely any flavor or taste to it jfc

the samyang hot spicy korean noodle bowls are way way way better, they're actually good i've decided

Seriously where is the sodium in those Tianan noodles? They taste like nothing. I keep thinking I prepared them wrong but maybe they really do suck.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Roumba posted:

Over the last two weeks, I've cooked every recipe that uses salami that I know of, but I still have over a pound of the stuff left. Any good ideas to use up these hundred or so slices?

Normally, being forced to eat muffulettas until the end of days would be ideal, but since I moved I can't the right bread for it anymore. And variety is never a bad thing, supposedly.

I don't think this is even a valid question. Snack more, drat.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Make a shedload of guacamole when they're all palpatedly squishy on the same day. Eat all of it at once with a full bag of tortilla chips while standing over the sink alone in the kitchen.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Those sherpa blankets are too warm. They make me sweat to death even if it's cold all around me. So I get out of it to cool off, get clammy and cold, repeat until I just give up. Why do you guys enjoy these things?

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WI4Fb6E9co

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011



No don't buy them. You won't be able to stop stuffing nuts in your mouth. It becomes a problem.

Or at least buy two bags.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Has anyone tried the Robert Irvine Fit Crunch Bars? They look good but 18 bars is a lot to commit to if they're terrible. I just want a tasty low sugar protein bar. I know that's asking too much.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


FogHelmut posted:

poo poo I picked one up for my kid for his birthday.

The kid I got one for still loved hers even though it fell apart in a week. When I gave it to her I told her I wanted to see how long she could keep it going cause you can tell they're pretty disposable.

Just don't immediately fly it into a ceiling fan like I did with one. There was UFO everywhere.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Trastion posted:

WHO THE gently caress eats a 3.5oz steak? I like my bacon thicker than that. 8oz steaks are pushing the lower boundry.

Wagyu is nothing like bacon. I'd compare it more to foie gras. Plus the fattiness isn't the only problem. The flavor is intense, too. It really gets pretty overwhelming after that much. I managed to get down 5oz of it once and I felt very gross after. Normally I can house a prime 12oz ribeye without much problem.

I still wouldn't buy costco wagyu though. Get that poo poo at a fancy butcher so you can know the source.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


I'd rather have too much fatty beef in my freezer than a tepid ham on my counter.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


The healthcare workers skip the line thing is interesting. I'm supposed to be able to use my hospital ID to skip the line but I'm scared to try it cause just clean the kitchens and break areas. I'm always afraid I'll show them my ID and they'll laugh at me for being a janitor and wanting to skip the line. Also I kind of like standing in line because you really get to have fabulously weird conversations with people that way.

I tried a pumpkin pie and hated it a lot. The one I got was utterly flavorless and the crust was soggy even after I put it through the oven. Did I get a bad pie, or are they usually very bland and under-spiced?

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


I skipped the line this morning and I regret it. I didn't get to talk to Samuel the door guy. He always gave me top tips for stuff that's on sale and tells me about his dog Sparkles. It honestly made me sad to miss being socially awkward at the door.

I bought my brother a serrano jamon for Christmas with all my leftover Costco gift card balances. Took four cards and some cash but I know it's worth it because I already gave it to him and he cried about it. Man loves a ham.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


PIZZA.BAT posted:

looking at getting myself one of the rowing machines from the website. can anyone comment on magnetic vs. water? they're about the same price and it looks like the magnetic one has nicer "motion" but seems like it'd be more prone to fail due to being more complicated

The magnetic one is quieter and moves more smoothly and takes up less space. But my water rower is the most soothing and pleasant exercise experience I've had and I want everyone to get one. It makes wooshy water noises and if you close your eyes it feels like rowing on water.

Honestly it's close enough that either version is nice but I'd spend too much money on another water rower today.

Manuel Calavera posted:

What's the iu on the vitamin D?

The iu is 2000 and they give me wicked loving heartburn.

fizzymercury fucked around with this message at 10:06 on Jan 3, 2021

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


thathonkey posted:

just seeing the words "kirkland gin" is making me feel hungover. how does that stuff compare to other gins

It's serviceable in a mixed drink but I wouldn't drink it in a martini or over ice. Kinda weirdly floral on it's own and a little harsh. I'd say it tastes like a downmarket Gordons. For the same price point you can get Boodles and it's better at everything.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


I love the keto freaks because I'm t1 diabetic and there's SO MUCH sugar free and low carb food now. I do not understand choosing to be miserable about desserts, but I'll happily benefit from the insanity.

In ham related news I ate approximately four pounds of pig tonight on accident by standing next to a jamon with a knife in one hand. Just casually tossing ham in my face without thinking was a terrible idea and I don't regret it one bit.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Cartoon Man posted:



Dog (and people) toys...
:3:
Be careful with those toys. My dog tried to choke on one of the hog dog eyes that came loose. They're not held on by much and the stuffing is hard to get out of their teeth. What's fun is she's gentle with every single other toy, but the Costco toys get murdered in minutes.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Pennywise the Frown posted:

Yeah those Fit Crunch bars are nuts. The macros are still reasonably ok though despite it tasting more candy-like than a snickers bar. I still don't know if I trust those numbers.

For what it's worth they don't spike my blood glucose any more than they should. As a t1 diabetic they're my actual candy bars and I love them as such.

They're definitely a treat though and they'll still give you a fart bonanza if you get cocky and think you can eat two in a day.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


It's not a time sink but have you ever stirred it wrong and slopped oily goo all over the bottle and the countertop? Cause now it's a pain in the rear end and your pantry smells of peanuts for a day. And now the jar is slippery and gross which makes your hands all gross and ugh. It's effort. Peanut butter shouldn't require effort.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


If you keep it in the fridge you can't spread it without loving up the bread. Just keep it in the pantry and eat it faster.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


If they sold 5 gallon buckets of Vegemite at my Costco I'd buy it. I wouldn't even pause to think about it. Savory toast spreads are just better.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


i am harry posted:

They sold one gallon buckets of Maltesers for the first few months I was a member. Those were the best of days..

I made the horrible mistake of buying one of those. You could just set it out and graze all day. I have a strict "no handy snacks" policy because of those and the goddamn Tapatio mixed nuts.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


One single lemon raspberry muffin has 42 grams of sugar to 38 grams of fat. Their first ingredient is sugar. They must taste like pure spun heaven holy poo poo.

I buy a box of the cheese danish when I shop and then never eat them. I just consider one every morning until I shamefully drop them in the breakroom at work the day before they expire. They look so delicious but I just know one will murder me.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Pennywise the Frown posted:

I got the new mailer which starts on 2/3 and they're having $5 off the Robert Irvine Fit Crunch bars. :getin:

It only has 3g of sugar. I'm not sure how they pull that off.

Magic. That's how.

I shall be loading my entire trunk full of happiness chocolate, thank you for the warning.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


The Costco dog is low carb if you skip the bun. Eat two of them if you want, I don't know your needs.

Get a water to go with it. The cashier at my Costco brought me a bottle of water the other day when I said I just get water. She's lovely.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Fartington Butts posted:

Has anyone gotten the black garlic that they sell in a giant container? I always leer at it like a creeper looking at a lady on a subway train. But good lord that's... a lot of black garlic.

My roommate bought a 20oz jar of Polar black garlic (I think? that's what costco has) on amazon and it was a pretty great idea. I would eat black garlic off a curbside sofa so I use it almost daily. If you eat it like that you should get it.

If not? Wow that a lot of black garlic.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


My Dad says that brownie is gross and too sweet and too much food and he eats Little Debbie fried pies and oatmeal cookies every single day. It takes a lot to make my dad call a dessert gross.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


ShowTime posted:

Marketing. I may be too late to stop this, but these will spike your blood sugar almost as much as actual sugar. Maltitol is one of the single worst sugar alcohols you can ingest, yet despite that, it's marketed as a sugar alternative. Sure, it's an alternative, but its rated almost as high as sugar on the glycemic index. Whey protein will also spike your blood sugar, because it's burned quickly. That's the reason you ingest whey protein. You want a quick intake of protein for muscle recovery.

Hopefully, because the sale starts on Feb 3rd, I'm not too late to give you warning. Sure, you may not care about your blood sugar. Not everyone is on low carb and no sugar diets. In that case, these are probably fine. I didn't like the flavor and the packaging made me feel embarrassed for buying them.

If you need suggestions on actual low sugar/low carb protein bars, feel free to PM me. Unfortunately almost none of them are sold at Costco. If you are really trying to just get protein with no carbs, you still can't go wrong with meat. Some beef jerky is loaded with sugar. There is a guy on SAMart that sells a really good beef jerky and depending on the flavoring you get, some of them are super low on sugar. He seems to use more of a smoky flavoring. The steak fry version is amazing.

I want to see more on that because I eat those very occasionally as a treat and I'm type 1 diabetic. I've never noticed them raising my blood glucose on my monitor and I don't have to bolus on my pump if I have half of one? It may be that I don't eat anything at all with sugar in it otherwise, but I'd like to know more. Especially since it was my Endo that recommended low-sugar (NOT sugar-free) protein bars. I'd like to warn him if that's true.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Yeah I'm kinda being a nard and asking them to show their proof.

But also my Endo just said "eat low sugar protein bars for a fun treat but NOT CANDY BARS" and kinda left it at that. And let me tell you what, they are largely abysmal and I don't want to lose the Fit Crunch bars.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Honestly the packaging and having liar liar pants on fire Robert Irvine as a face is what made me start deep diving into conspiracies about dying from maltitol.

For the record the reason they don't affect me much is because I don't eat the full bar. Turns out eating in moderation because maltitol makes me want to die from farts was a good thing.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Has anyone mentioned biltong? Find somewhere to get some biltong.

I dropped my dog on the ground on the way out of the store yesterday because a very small old woman hit me with her cart. Going early really gets you in with the elderly and I had an idea: Cart Chauffeurs. Someone to steer the cart while you aimlessly shop without a care. Employees see you clip a single ankle or block a whole aisle? Mandatory Cart Chauffeur for the rest of your trip. Sell it to people as an extended service you earned by being a Member. Have gold elite chauffeur memberships.

I'm just spitballing, but I think my idea has merit.

fizzymercury fucked around with this message at 12:26 on Jan 31, 2021

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


The crispy bottom half of that cheese bread has contributed to many of the pounds I have gained since I got a Costco card. It's stupid how delicious it is.

Sometimes I make roast garlic butter and brush it on top. Don't do that, you'll just be a butter biscuit of a person. It's too good.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


priznat posted:

Everyone knows the right way is to just shove it at a random angle in the parking lot after you finish loading into the car, sheesh!

I know you're joking and you still made me angry. Why are people like that? I find it utterly bizarre that people think carts just stop existing as soon as they are done with them.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Costco saturation hasn't reached out where I am and it probably never will. People have to drive more than an hour to the City to go. I get to bring all the Costco goodies to parties. People treat me like some kind of snacking shaman and it's pretty great. Plus now everyone I hang out with asks me to shop for Costco stuff for them so I get to go more. I'mma get fat doing runs for other people just as an excuse to eat two hotdogs for lunch.

fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


I dump an indiscriminate amount of the pesto (like half a jar? A lot) plus the juice of several Meyer lemons, salt, and some honey onto the 8lbs+ pork butts that go on sale for $1 a pound. Cook it at 300f for 6 hours. You can eat it with a spoon. It is majestic.

The pesto is terrible in anything else. I find it offensive on pasta.

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fizzymercury
Aug 18, 2011


Having good credit sounds magical :allears: It's like you fill out a bunch of mystical paperwork and *poof* free money!

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