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Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


I'm in like Flynn. In case my santa needs sizing info, I wear mens' medium shirts.

Ice Cream Barbara posted:

I hope my presents don't die in shipping!

Fair warning, Teflon Don doesn't kid around. I thought he was joking about mailing a grenade last year, until he actually sent me a grenade.

Edit: and thanks for being a good sport and doing this year after year, N4I.

Arc Light fucked around with this message at 04:49 on Nov 16, 2016

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Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


holocaust bloopers posted:

What grenade did he send?

The CS kind. If it were legal to do so, I'm sure TD would have sent a frag.



I was originally going to play an incoming IDF alarm on my phone and pop it off next to a deployment buddy. That was probably the best thing that could have come of it, but the dude has legit PTSD and I have something resembling a conscience.

Unrelated to grenade shenanigans, I ended up joining my city's police department. So now I'm probably just going to wait until I can use it at a riot.



Helldump Immunity posted:

Arc Light was a good SSer. Still using that dogge bottle opener :)

:buddy:

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


holocaust bloopers posted:

Fine I'm in. But I'm warning you all. I actually send good gifts. poo poo like books and blu-rays.

N4I, ban this sick filth.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


ElMaligno posted:

I can't mail hugs but i will try

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hug_machine

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


Two Finger posted:

I had a really drat good idea but it seems like sending potentially explosive (or at least highly violently combustible) items may not be so wise

Again, Teflon Don literally mailed me a tear gas grenade.

The sky's the limit, dude.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


Two Finger posted:

That explains all the friend requests on my Facebook this morning

You got your lovely gift early, I guess.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


My bad/vile gift has been ordered. Still working on the good one. Truly, 'tis better to give than to receive.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


I sure hope my victim can fit into a large shirt.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


Jesus, you guys. Last year I opened the gift box in my garage. Guess I'll be opening it in out in the woods this time around. Wish I still had a gas mask.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


Rad Lieutenant posted:

No, just the cole

:tviv:

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


All my stuff finally arrived. I forgot how slow shipping is when you can't order from Amazon. If I mail it tomorrow, my victim should have it by, I dunno, Thursday at the latest.

I should also be back in town tonight after a mini-vacation. Hopefully I don't have a box of something gross waiting for me.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


God drat it.

I didn't know this existed until I'd already ordered all my stuff. Would have been perfect.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00R9V5X3C/ref=?tag=natdee-20

"YES REAL RACCOON FACE ON FRONT OF THE HAT"

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


USPS tracking says my gift should arrive at its destination on Friday. The samples are already dead, so it probably doesn't matter how long you let it sit in the mailbox.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:

I hope my Satan Claus delivers before I go on vacation next Friday. Also hope my santee is okay, he got the rest of his poo poo a week ago and disappeared. :saddowns:

If you killed him with your "gift," you'll probably get sweet red text out of it.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013



Awesome, USPS still had the package listed out for delivery. I was afraid it got lost.

The map is just a gee-whiz thing, because I thought it was cool. It was used by the Air Corps in WWII, made of silk so that it wouldn't tear or dissolve easily in the event of a water landing.

And the dig about your backyard burial was really a self-deprecating shot at my own terrible murder joke deeper in the package.

You should def slip some larva into your friends' food.

So, yes, that is my real return address. It's not my real name, because I like being able to take precautions when I receive something from GiP. When I get something labeled with that name, I know to open it far from witnesses. Do they x-ray packages on-base? I guess there's only one way to find out.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


Lazy Reservist posted:

Santa MCNally delivered!
He gave me crab(s)



Goddamn, the wordplay this year. Whoever said puns are the lowest form of humor was dead on the inside.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


A package? From New York? And every single edge is sealed shut? Better not take chances. To the garage!



No unusual smells, no buzzing, seems sturdy.

Oh, cool, it's from Zeris. So it's probably not a bomb.


Huh?


Holy poo poo. Gonna try these and see if my rear end turns orange.


What's in the bag?


:chanpop:


DUDE.


Awww, poo poo, my bathroom is going to smell so classy.

But wait! There's something else in the box, hidden behind aluminum foil...


Oh my god. It's perfect.


This is going up on the wall in my cubicle.


My cup runneth over. You're a good secret satan, Zeris. Thank you! Merry Christmas and Happy Krampusnacht.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


Zeris posted:

You're welcome. Now dig the foil out of the trash because you missed a present! It's between the layers.

Holy poo poo.

Holy poo poo!

I almost missed the best part of the package - new refrigerator art! Good thing I didn't bend the foil.



You're a good internet friend.

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


Zeris posted:

Sorry compadre. I stalked your post history to see if anything clicked for gift ideas but I just couldn't get figure it out. So I defaulted to a personal obsession of bathroom leisure, lengthy making GBS threads sessions, clean buttholes, and some old fashioned dick jokes a la gip. Hope u likey.

Buttholes are always worth cleaning.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzAuXuxD0Oo

Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013


On the one hand, the squirrel probably wins.

On the other hand, I want to know what Beanie got for Shim.

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Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013



Last year, FedEx accidentally delivered my ss gift to my neighbor. It was the kind of package that REALLY shouldn't go to the wrong person.

USPS will mail almost anything, as long as bar codes and/or booze markings are obscured.

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