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Hello! I'm considering writing something in the style of Dan Brown. There are several problems with that but the first is that I want to write in English and I'm ESL. So here's a short writing exercise... Please let me know whether my language is good enough to be salvaged by a native speaking editor (in case I ever reach the point that I'll need one). BTW it seems there's nothing for me to crit in this thread so I'll crit one of the 1000+ word stories.  EXAMPLE SCENE 1 Frank lost balance and fell, landing on his back and elbows. The man didn't even struck him properly, but Frank chose to stay on the floor and argue from there. Why did you do that?! The man remained silent and slowly moved towards Frank. He first thought the stranger wouldn't hit a man lying down, but now he wasn't so sure any more. He scrambled to his feet. What do you - The man hit Frank again, grazing his shoulder and not really hurting him but Frank fell again. He hasn't been in a brawl since high school, his heart was pounding but knees were weak. David approached the silent thug and put a hand around his waist in a friendly hug. Hey, hey, don't take it too seriously, we are still friends! Right, professor? David smiled and extended his hand. Frank accepted it and pulled himself up, knees still shaking. The thug was now friendly too and he patted Frank's back. He even picked up the phone, looked it over and handed it back to Frank, adding helpfully The phone is OK! Frank looked at it. The time was 2:45 and he now had less than an hour to catch the plane. EXAMPLE SCENE 2 Frank tried to unlock the chain as quietly as possible. The excavation site was deserted and the only sounds were muffled talk and footsteps from tourists walking on the road several meters above. He opened the particle board door and took one careful step into impenetrable darkness. Once inside, he closed the door and turned on the phone. A flood light and a tool box showed up, barely, in phone's eerie light. Frank selected the torch app and thought about using it. The problem was that the door fit the frame only loosely and some light would get out. Would it be enough that someone from the corridor notices it? CLACK! Frank stepped on a switch and it turned the flood light on, filling the room and his dilated eyes with bright white light. gently caress, gently caress... - he thought, turning his back towards the light source, covering his eyes with both hands. Where's the drat switch? He waited motionlessly for his eyes to adjust. There were no new sounds. Amazingly, nobody seems to have noticed the strong light coming from around the door of the excavation site at 2 AM. Frank slowly turned towards the area that the flood light was aiming at. A few square meters of stone were removed and the hole revealed the mosaic inside. Frank leaned closer to examine the geometrical shapes.
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Aug 13, 2017 22:33
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Thanks! I don't understand this comment, though - this can see ok from where it's standing i guess
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Aug 14, 2017 00:09
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