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Adam Vegas posted:Hey guys. I wrote this about six months ago as the prologue to a novel. Check it out; criticism is more than welcome. There's parts in this where it does a sort of hard boiled kind of voice quite well, which i think is probably what you were going for, but some of the sentences stick out. like "Such a cold treatment of friendship might sound vaguely sociopathic to you, but I’m happy to inform you that I have plenty of emotions.' is too twee, it sounds like a doctor who character trying to say a quip or something. It's trying to be clever or funny but its not really either, and seems a bit wordy given the narrators voice in most of the other sentences.
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Mar 9, 2017 14:19
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| # ¿ Apr 25, 2024 09:01 |
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