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GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!



Let's Play CID The Dummy

In a world obsessed with safety, the once lowly Crash Impact Dummy (CID) has risen to a position of great importance amongst us. His day job; crashing, smashing, checking, re-checking and re-re-checking everything from lemonade to escalators in order to make the world a better place. Now, the inventor of the Crash Impact Dummy, Professor B.M. Werken, has lost his daughter, MIA, and has chosen CID The Dummy to rescue her.

Sounds great right? That's an excerpt taken right from the manual. The idea of a sentient crash dummy saving the day really appealed to my weird sense of taste, so as soon as I saw this game, I bought it immediately on impulse. It turned out that almost no one played the drat thing, in spite of its release on four platforms, and there are no existing full playthroughs... until now.

So what's the game even like?

CID is a 3D platformer with a lot of problems. The game design feels like a wish-list of things the developer's wanted to implement if only they knew how, and even when things do work properly on more than a conceptual level, they're very frustrating. It's not a fun experience and certainly not recommended for the average consumer, or even the average fan of weird platformers. However, it is possible to get good at the game -as I've found out- so if you have the patience and curiosity, it's not as insurmountable as it may seem.

On the presentation side of things, the game is dark and groggy. I feel that this may be intentional, but it also unintentionally makes the player depressed. The color palette is very gray and the 8 world types are very generic. Halfway through the second level you start to wonder if there's anything more, and depending on how long you go, that answer may vary only slightly.

Redeeming qualities?

I feel guilty talking about a game the developers clearly cared deeply about it like it needs "redeeming qualities" to save it, but that's where we are. There isn't much CID The Dummy excels at. The music generally matches the mood of the various worlds precisely, some cute gimmicks in the level design pan out reasonably well, and there're a few mildly surprising easter eggs and other non-essential details. I was struggling for like five minutes to find three positive things to type there.

So why play it?

The same reason I played Hidden Invasion and Deep Black: posterity. CID The Dummy is a game few people have seen or ever will see, and the ending and final level have never been recorded. It's time to fix that.


Videos
















I'm meant to do more, I just know it!

GamesAreSupernice fucked around with this message at 23:44 on Dec 10, 2016

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Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.




Grimey Drawer

Yikes, they must have been testing railroad cars because this sure is a train wreck.

Godspeed man. And yeah, the whole intro until you started talking I was really having to force myself to even keep the video up in the background.

Dinictus
Nov 26, 2005

May our CoX spray white sticky fluid at our enemies forever!
HAIL ARACHNOS!

Soiled Meat

Zanzibar Ham posted:

Godspeed man. And yeah, the whole intro until you started talking I was really having to force myself to even keep the video up in the background.

Even going through it once doesn't make a lot of drat sense for the story, either.

You'd think you could do a lot with the whole 'crash test dummy' angle for gameplay or aesthetics. I mean, the loving Incredible Crash Test Dummies did, too.

EDIT: 'Deep black levels of conk out' is a very specific means of describing the game, and by Jove, it works for this heap.

Dinictus fucked around with this message at 20:39 on Nov 24, 2016

AltaBrown
Sep 8, 2011


I fell asleep. Twice.

Dinictus
Nov 26, 2005

May our CoX spray white sticky fluid at our enemies forever!
HAIL ARACHNOS!

Soiled Meat

AltaBrown posted:

I fell asleep. Twice.

Jesus. Case in point.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Zanzibar Ham posted:

And yeah, the whole intro until you started talking I was really having to force myself to even keep the video up in the background.

Something about the professor's droning voice is just so tiresome


Dinictus posted:

Tou'd think you could do a lot with the whole 'crash test dummy' angle for gameplay or aesthetics. I mean, the loving Incredible Crash Test Dummies did, too.

The sprites for the SNES version of that game see a little too big for my taste. I'd be terrified of scrolling the screen.


AltaBrown posted:

I fell asleep. Twice.

Try not to accidentally fall into "the great sleep" while watching CID The Dummy. I have been told that is a serious concern

mandatory lesbian
Dec 18, 2012


wow, a wii port of a game clearly made in the 90's for the ps1, interesting choice to be sure

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


mandatory lesbian posted:

wow, a wii port of a game clearly made in the 90's for the ps1, interesting choice to be sure

I'm not sure this game would fly on the PS1. It has Muppet Monster Adventure to compete with

Gertrude Perkins
May 1, 2010

Gun Snake

dont talk to gun snake

Drops: human teeth


What a dull mess of a game. And yet there are little sparks of "interesting" under the surface and the aesthetics, it's maddening. The cutscenes feel like a cheap early-00s children's show, but the kind you'd find on an obscure British cable channel at 6am.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Gertrude Perkins posted:

What a dull mess of a game. And yet there are little sparks of "interesting" under the surface and the aesthetics, it's maddening. The cutscenes feel like a cheap early-00s children's show, but the kind you'd find on an obscure British cable channel at 6am.

The interesting bits really aren't worth it, but the game will try to instill a sense of intrigue and potential hope into the plot as things progress.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!




But professor, how do you upgrade my circuits wirelessly?

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.




Grimey Drawer

GamesAreSupernice posted:

But professor, how do you upgrade my circuits wirelessly?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhMsboqMMzs#t=18s

(imagine that said in a terribly boring accent)

Delvio
Sep 14, 2007


I am suprised that they were able to afford to get Julia Child to do the voice of the Professor.

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.




Grimey Drawer

Delvio posted:

I am suprised that they were able to afford to get Julia Child to do the voice of the Professor.

Reminds me more of Richard Aronson's work.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Zanzibar Ham posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhMsboqMMzs#t=18s

(imagine that said in a terribly boring accent)

Would the professor make a good MGS character

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


http://store.steampowered.com/app/345690

Oh my god.

laserghost
Feb 12, 2014

trust me, I'm a cat.


Holy poo poo that voice acting. And holy poo poo that whole game, OP must be a superhuman to endure those dull dregs of video game industry.

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.




Grimey Drawer


I guess they decided they don't need a third dimension.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


laserghost posted:

Holy poo poo that voice acting. And holy poo poo that whole game, OP must be a superhuman to endure those dull dregs of video game industry.

Wow, I remember you from way back when I did Deep Black. Looking back on that game, it's definitely more creative than this at least.


Zanzibar Ham posted:

I guess they decided they don't need a third dimension.

Or exposure, from the looks of that single review

SelenicMartian
Sep 14, 2013

Sometimes it's not the bomb that's retarded.




quote:

Founded in 2003 by an Industry Veteran, Giuseppe Crugliano, Twelve Games has established itself as one of Europe’s leading games development studios. The company has developed games for a wide selection of gaming platforms, including Nintendo Wii, PS Vita, PC, iOS and Android Devices.




GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!



I started crying and laughing

Hippocrass
Aug 18, 2015


Well, technically CID The Dummy and Crash Dummy are different games.

Also, Twelve Games made a terrible fighting game a couple of years ago.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Hippocrass posted:

Also, Twelve Games made a terrible fighting game a couple of years ago.

But it's not the capoeira beat em up, which is disappointing

laserghost
Feb 12, 2014

trust me, I'm a cat.


GamesAreSupernice posted:

Wow, I remember you from way back when I did Deep Black. Looking back on that game, it's definitely more creative than this at least.

Yeah, love your beat'em ups LPs but I kinda passed when you started doing the Spider-Man games because they are so annoyingly ordinary. Now, a good poo poo game will always pick my attention

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


laserghost posted:

Yeah, love your beat'em ups LPs but I kinda passed when you started doing the Spider-Man games because they are so annoyingly ordinary. Now, a good poo poo game will always pick my attention

I respect your vastly different desires

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011

Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...



I wish the plot actually tried to do something other than be like Mario with his princess, the art style is going to waste as it is. Grimy, gritty interiors aren't used in films and such to be pretty for pete's sake!

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Ignatius M. Meen posted:

I wish the plot actually tried to do something other than be like Mario with his princess, the art style is going to waste as it is. Grimy, gritty interiors aren't used in films and such to be pretty for pete's sake!

The story does actually try to throw a twist

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!




The plot thickens?

KeiraWalker
Sep 5, 2011

Me? Don't worry about me...

Grimey Drawer

Well, they sure tried to make a game worth the plastic it was stamped on. I'm a little baffled as to why they thought releasing it four times and then doing a 2D recreation of it for PC would make it a better game, but...

Anyway--a question. What is a ..."Zeebo?"

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


KieranWalker posted:

Anyway--a question. What is a ..."Zeebo?"

As I said in the video, basically a proto-Ouya made for countries with less access to videogames. You could buy it primarily in Mexico or Brazil, and it had download-only games, no physical media. A lot of the games were cell phone applications, like the lesser vesion of RE4, and Crash Nitro Kart 3D. It did have a few exclusives though, and its own motion controller. It was a full-blown console, it just also happened to turn into a brick when the storefront went down after only 2 years of service.


Click here for the full 1600x1600 image

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011

Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...



Hopefully I haven't already guessed the twist but are crash dummies actually former humans because that seems like the kind of twist that someone who thinks they've got the chops to make that work would go for and be cruelly appropriate for the setting but not the otherwise dismal attempt to be a generic kid's thing

KeiraWalker
Sep 5, 2011

Me? Don't worry about me...

Grimey Drawer

GamesAreSupernice posted:

As I said in the video, basically a proto-Ouya made for countries with less access to videogames. You could buy it primarily in Mexico or Brazil, and it had download-only games, no physical media. A lot of the games were cell phone applications, like the lesser vesion of RE4, and Crash Nitro Kart 3D. It did have a few exclusives though, and its own motion controller. It was a full-blown console, it just also happened to turn into a brick when the storefront went down after only 2 years of service.

Teach me to ask questions before I've finished watching the video.

I am curious if the remake is any good, but you know the old saying, never trust a trailer.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Ignatius M. Meen posted:

Hopefully I haven't already guessed the twist but are crash dummies actually former humans because that seems like the kind of twist that someone who thinks they've got the chops to make that work would go for and be cruelly appropriate for the setting but not the otherwise dismal attempt to be a generic kid's thing

I think you're overestimating this game's ambitions just a tiny bit


KieranWalker posted:

I am curious if the remake is any good, but you know the old saying, never trust a trailer.

I should try it sometime but the fact that it's entirely missing the big twist means it'd have to survive on gameplay alone

laserghost
Feb 12, 2014

trust me, I'm a cat.


I can't imagine doing the professor's voice for a longer period of time and not ending with sore throat, massive amounts of self-hate and death threats from the poor sod recording this in the studio.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


laserghost posted:

I can't imagine doing the professor's voice for a longer period of time and not ending with sore throat, massive amounts of self-hate and death threats from the poor sod recording this in the studio.

Maybe when I rewatch the credits for the final video I can find out if his talent was used elsewhere

KeiraWalker
Sep 5, 2011

Me? Don't worry about me...

Grimey Drawer

GamesAreSupernice posted:

Maybe when I rewatch the credits for the final video I can find out if his talent was used elsewhere

I'm half expecting that one guy to have voiced every character in the game.

Including the Professor's daughter.

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011

Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...



GamesAreSupernice posted:

I think you're overestimating this game's ambitions just a tiny bit

Well, they did try to put this game on four different platforms. I don't know whether to be relieved or disappointed that it's not going that far with the twist into dystopia though. I'll stick to being vaguely dissatisfied at the wasted potential I guess.

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009





As someone that grew up in Brazil, I've never heard of Zeebo before.

Now that I'm looking into it however, it was doomed from the start (at least in Brazil) due to three things:

1) It was 3G-only in a country where, due to the lack of smartphones in the wild, 3G was just starting, meaning it was very expensive to have a cell plan with Internet. They were so expensive to the point where if you could afford one, it meant that you were well off enough to be able to afford a PS3 or a 360.

2) You could install modchips on the 360 to run pirated games for it, so while official 360 games sales might not paint a pretty picture for Microsoft, the reality was that people had binders full of pirated 360 games (costing around R$ 10 a pop vs R$ 200 for new games*). Consoles still weren't cheap, but when you can buy new games for US$ 3, you pretty much only had to pay for the console.

3) And, lastly, why would you pay R$ 400 to play this if you could have a 360 in ten installments** of R$ 200 and pay next to nothing for games?

* Even today, Modern Warfare 2 is at an absurd R$ 60, and one year ago it was still almost R$ 80

** Installments are very common in Brazil. Don't Ask me about paying one year for a chair. No interest not really, though!


EDIT: BBCode is hard.

Space Kablooey fucked around with this message at 13:55 on Nov 30, 2016

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


HardDiskD posted:

As someone that grew up in Brazil, I've never heard of Zeebo before.

Now that I'm looking into it however, it was doomed from the start (at least in Brazil)

It seemed to fail primarily because the potential markets were smart enough to realize it was a bad deal, so your post makes a lot of sense.

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KeiraWalker
Sep 5, 2011

Me? Don't worry about me...

Grimey Drawer

HardDiskD posted:

The Brazilian videogame market is screwy

Somehow that doesn't surprise me. I am kind of astonished there's any market for videogames at all in Brazil, given the ridiculous import fees. While that two thousand (!) reais is actually pretty close to the US launch price of the PS3 back in the day, I imagine that kind of dosh will go a lot farther in Brazil than it would in, say, Minneapolis.

I got a buddy what lives in Brasilia, whose dad is retired US Navy. He gets around this problem by buying game consoles in the states when he's up here visiting his brothers, and has said brothers or friends from the US mail him new games when the prices are too outlandish at home.

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