Sarsapariller posted:

AP posted:

https://twitter.com/dsmart/status/849621482108063746

Fatkraken posted:

hey thread i made you something

The Titanic posted:

Somebody needs to ask CR how he plans on mocapping all these animations except in zero-g because what if your space ships gravity is turned off but you really need to have a meal in the cafeteria otherwise your space man will be tired/die of starvation.

DarkRefreshment posted:

Lies. No one "happily" plays Eve. You have to be sort of a masochist just to hit OK on the installer.

Abuminable posted:

NYT: Video Game Raised $148 Million From Fans. Now It’s Raising Issues

Viscous Soda posted:

Is nobody going to comment on how those cats are in what looks like a office, sealed with a chunk of drywall shoved into the door handles? Because I'm pretty sure I could push out of there, much less 400 pounds of predator.

Hav posted:

That should be a ship.


That was almost as incomprehensible to me as 'Lost cities of gold', but may have pre-disposed me to other bonkers French sci-fi.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPeqNTqZNN0

So stoked.

AP posted:

https://twitter.com/SandiGardiner/status/864609751031660545

DarkRefreshment posted:

You know when I wasn't caught up and I lurked more in this thread I saw all the food posts and thought "How the gently caress does that even happen"

Now I find myself balls deep in cheese.

beep_boop posted:

Is moma still around? I found a new kickstarter with his name all over it:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/558020652/selfiefeet-20-use-your-feetto-take-the-perfect-sel?ref=category

Get in on the ground level boys!

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

Looks like they already have the molds and design, so this is basically a pre-order. That's why the gate is so low.

Beet Wagon posted:

My favorite part about this whole thing is that I occasionally remember they made a big deal out of the fact that they were gonna make branded joysticks for like six months and then we never heard anything about them after that, to the point that I often forget it was even a thing.

Roflan posted:

Don't tell Ben or he'll start a crowd fund to buy it... Or better yet, buy it and then tell Ben and sell it to him.

big nipples big life posted:

Please tell me the person who wrote that has used the words "you don't understand game development" at some point in his redditing career.

Sarsapariller posted:

Time for some stories:

So I fired up Bridge Crew for the first time today. After a brief time playing around in the tutorials I decided to launch a single player mission rather than inflict myself on anyone else as a bridge officer. The basic setup for single player is that you are in the captain's chair, and generic AI npc's are sitting at all the other stations. You get the objectives and the big picture and you can touch various buttons on your chair to pull up additional information, and send commands to the npc crew by gesturing at them and picking off a radial menu. You can also take the stations over and do the jobs yourself, but the AI are generally competent. Except for Ensign Rao. gently caress that guy.

Our first mission is some kind of shakedown cruise- it's possible that Starfleet did not trust me to handle their fully armed "Science vessel" after some incidents during simulation. Apparently you shouldn't tell your instructor "Today is a good day to die!" the second he hands you control of the helm. So we're out doing the usual star trek poo poo- scanning a bunch of hosed-up cargo ships that all seem to have flown into a space minefield(!) somehow. Let's talk about space-mines for a minute. Shouldn't these be really easy to avoid? Like, in a normal minefield, you've got to walk across the flat surface that they are presumable buried under. But in space you can just fly around them. Well, you could. Ensign Rao apparently came from the Khan school of piloting, the one where they don't teach you about the third goddamn dimension. Also for some reason he had a disturbing tendency to read the "Engage target" order as "Fly directly at the target and rub it on your cheeks like a downy bunny."

So this predictably leads to several moments of panic as I, Engineering, and Tactical are all scrambling to make up for Helm's incompetence. I boost phaser range up past 20km and order tactical to begin sniping the mines out of the sky long before Ensign Rao can give them a hug. Crisis passed, we come to our first downed cruiser. Something something radiation, something something quantum neutrinos, beam us off the ship, I'm not really listening... wait, did they say scuttle? I get to blow up a friendly ship, on my first day in starfleet! They'll even thank me for it! I order tactical to begin beaming everyone aboard and begin counting down the seconds until I can issue that sweet sweet fire order. Finally, the moment arrives.

Three problems with that, as it turns out. First of all, Ensign Rao has not given up on his commitment to personally inspecting the loving grundle of every goddamn space object that I target, and while we've been beaming people aboard, he has crept within 5 km of this ship. Second, ships tend to make... really big explosions when you blow them up. Safe range for this thing is like 25km. I'm not a nuclear physicist but I'm pretty sure that's a whole loving lot of megatons, especially in space where there's basically nothing to transmit the energy. Third, that whole thing with beaming people aboard? Apparently it requires lowering the shields. Tactical didn't deem that important information, I guess. They also didn't feel like raising them was a high priority afterwards.

So this thing goes up like someone left the gas on over the weekend in grandma's apartment while we're right up its rear end in a top hat with absolutely no shields. The entire bridge kicks like Ensign Rao finally got that close encounter he keeps aiming for, and suddenly half of my bridge is on fire and the other half is eyeing the escape pods. Somehow, miraculously, the ship holds together. I shove Engineering out of the way and take over the repair crews- 26% hull and virtually every system is crippled. But whatever! It's my first day on the job, I'm sure every captain comes back from his shakedown cruise with just a little more than one quarter of his ship still displaying the original paint. I give all of my crewmen the stink eye and explain that nobody is ever going to mention this. Nobody. Also, I resolve that Ensign Rao is going to have an unfortunate airlock accident the second we get off duty.

Damage contained, for the most part, I sit back down in the captain's chair. Looks like there's one more ship they want me to go inspect before I get back to base. Okay, fine, how bad can it-

It's last reported position was just across the border in the Neutral Zone.

Ship name: The Kobayashi Maru.

Oh, just gently caress me then. Ensign Rao, go prepare a second seat in that airlock. I think my tour's ending here.

Deathsquid posted:

In the last 6 years, the RSI has dominated four studios, which it has united into one devzone, CIG. The RSI has origins from the Kickstarter Development in which a bunch of hopefuls and has-beens tried to ride the nostalgia train to riches. All studios except for the RSI swore reasonable development time upon their backers. There is no financial accountability in the RSI, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful mocap procedures, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with donuts and candy. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The development they have caused is so bad, the game models would freeze in a tense T-position. They would then clip through the floor afterwards.

Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the RSI is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their space jet nipples will be subjected parping around in space without a space suit. Offenders would also be forced to show their parps on youtube to soothing tunes and dulcet tones, and furthermore.

Otherwise, backerss would be dazed with the worst type of development in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness all over the Reddits. The development time would also triple every second, but no 3.0 would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all whale unit forces must buy more ships to block this effect.

However, enertainment is also questionable in RSI grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being forced to stick weapons through their heads, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands stretching out like rubber, flight races would end with the losers having to play the actual module, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves waiting for RSI to gently caress up, which also causes madness if the content isn't fed to the locusts. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps.

Weekly reports are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdering their lines just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into team meeting and waved hands at haphazardly. Any film that does not feature some kind of a fuckup will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection.

All weekly reports are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will not miss much. All citizens must boo to the presenters and try to spot flaws in the green screen, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot stop watching, but they will also feel pretty bored.

Forums by this RSI will be razed, and all the posts archived in the same way as their release dates are. The records are then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from reddit minds. Promises are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed.

Employees undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the Big Bennys refactoring. All employees injected with Bennys are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some employees are also subjected to the removal of hope, future, free time and even the dreaded mocap. Employees sentenced to Wing Commander archiving are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable.

Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the RSI with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a ban. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, which is getting a refund. They then invest in other amazing Kickstarters that will doubtlessly be equally successful.

The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the office space of this sickening company.

hot balls man no homo posted:

Mine was actually a plan for an underground clubhouse that could only be accessed by going through quicksand like in SMB3

BeigeJacket posted:

Croberto has no vision. There's nothing in his wretched game that isn't a shabby knock-off of one or two sci-fi franchises from 40 years ago.

Edit: Also does the thread have any recommendation for a decent sci fi novel? My flag has always firmly been planted in the cyberpunk camp, so I'm used to near future corporate hellholes with bionic implants and underdog hacker scum popping speed and contemplating their ennui. Never really got into this deep space opera stuff.

BeigeJacket posted:

I tried reading one of his years ago. A large portion of it was written phonetically from the viewpoint of some AI/android thing and it was just too mental for my feeble mind to handle.

Lladre posted:

Thanks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yxi5zpmKRA4

Now I got to do something else while Sammie settles down.

Sappo569 posted:

Derek please no one cares about your game , we just want things to laugh at via Chris crobberts and his team of misfit developers

Othin posted:

ITYOL 2017 I still have no idea what the difference between CIG and RSI is. When I'm talking poo poo to backers which of those entities should I indicate has no loving clue what they're doing besides milking whales for more money?

The Titanic posted:

It would be fun if this could end like a movie, with outtakes from all the popular people.

Space toilet man: I really just wanted to take a poo poo in space, but it turns out I was the poo poo flushing down the money toilet.

Bunny guy: I really wish I didn't post that on the Internet seriously.

Dark Citizen: It was my dads gun and it really was poor taste for a video game. I just went too far and I'm sorry.

AdmzAdama: I'm loving iiiiiinnnnnssaaaaannne still!!!!

Humility: *somber photo of his grave*

B'tak: I've decided I can't handle the potential of human interaction. I'm just staying in a basement in Alaska. Forever. Forever. Don't come looking for me.

Feel free to add your own funnier ideas here.

TheAgent posted:

I mean their big hype right now is engine trails

engine motherfuckin trails

lol

Quavers posted:

After. But Star Citizen en'trails have fidelity

Mirificus posted:

D_Smart posted:

https://twitter.com/dsmart/status/881532542863761408

https://twitter.com/dsmart/status/881536003038744576

tuo posted:

So Derek finally visiting CitizenCon, eh?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YU5XQg3F5z4

Space Crabs posted:

spacetoaster posted:

https://twitter.com/listening2day/status/883172784796385280

I like that the guy is trying to portray rapt attention or something, being super engrossed.

When instead he looks pissed the gently caress off at what he has been given after almost six years and is waiting for results.

SelenicMartian posted:

Star Citizen should have a ship that's basically a water pistol squirting gravity goo at its enemies to crush them.

Foo Diddley posted:

The box has been sitting there forever, the smell could peel paint, and there are some truly noxious fluids leaking out of it, but we don't know the cat's dead. Can't be sure until Chris opens the box

Jobbo_Fett posted:

but with Derek Smart

MilesK posted:

https://twitter.com/sandigardiner/status/884549458968551428

Brand new leather jacket refactoring

celewign posted:

Escaping from the stimperial troopers was pretty hard these days. They always show up and try to pull out your skeleton.

Today started when some rear end in a top hat asked me to hack a relay station. I hopped in my mustang Delta and promptly exploded. Reload. gently caress the mustang it's time to use the hornet. Luckily I had a lot of ships, I know how to save my disability checks for the important things.

On the way out to the hornet I got caught in the airlock and had a seizure followed by a tpose. God my head was killing me. I smashed "t" to open the airlock and zoomed outside.

A corpse floated by me, idyllic.

The rings of the station were twitching back and forth, must be a bad batch of gravity goo again. Now that the Stimps had entered the system commodities were hard to get. We we're running low on gravity goo.

Above me the sun cast blinding reflections in my visor, a good sign. The landing platform was empty except the corpse and another guy stuck in the floor. My hornet was gone of course, stolen by another player. I stared out into space, zoning out. Some guy named "commander tom" smashed a stolen hornet into my body - geez. I reloaded, it only takes about 15 minutes.

This time my new ship was waiting for me, an Aurora. Who names this poo poo? It sounds like something my 8 year old son would have chosen for a name. I miss him, he died when we went to a restaurant and he was ground up.

The relay was out there, nearly 16 sextillion klicks away. My quantum drive got me there in a couple seconds. I quickly EVAd out of the Aurora and entered the relay. A couple textures were flickering, that's weird. No prob. I'm smart I can make it work.

There's the console: a quick fix and I'm on my way.

Back at base, the rear end in a top hat who gave me the mission was gone. All I saw left was a really detailed leather jacket and the top of his head inside the floor.

celewign posted:

I reloaded, it only takes about 15 minutes.