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Curus Keel posted:And no, this isn't some old writing. In fact, this is an excerpt from the playable demo version of Winds of Change. At least this character is (mostly) wearing pants. That's progress??
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Mar 5, 2017 19:10
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I'm trying to comprehend the situation with his arms and it's just giving me a headache.
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Mar 5, 2017 19:12
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Curus Keel posted:And no, this isn't some old writing. In fact, this is an excerpt from the playable demo version of Winds of Change. *angryfistpump*
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Mar 5, 2017 20:31
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Everybody just go play night in the woods instead of this trash.
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Mar 5, 2017 21:26
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But... but our sunk cost!
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Mar 5, 2017 21:42
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Is that a monocle or has my frontal lobe just given up on interpretation of the world around me?
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Mar 5, 2017 22:03
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I think it's a tattoo, so he looks like a real tough cookie.
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Mar 5, 2017 22:14
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Mar 5, 2017 22:19
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FunkMonkey posted:I think it's a tattoo, so he looks like a real tough cookie. He's pink and yellow though. He looks like cotton candy.
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Mar 5, 2017 22:29
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  Gotta put yourself in Singe's position. His morally dubious, explosive position.  Such as putting in the disarm codes and letting everyone just walk away?  In this case -- plotting with Acheron. Regardless of how I feel about Singe's current plan. I know that Acheron will keep us all safe. And talk some sense into him if he's off track. It wasn't my place to decide what they did. But it wasn't my place to defy Acheron's orders, either. They definitely hired the best in the business.  Please, call him Mr. McFutts. As if on cue, he approaches me.  I saw the paramedics carry out a body bag. I was terrified, wondering who it could be. But I got a text from Singe right away. I'm glad to see you're safe. But in light of what happened...I think some changes need to be made.  And then you'll have the knowledge of the detonation sequence! Just think: they can't kill us if we're all dead!  If it wasn't this, the dude would've somehow accidentally killed himself trying to learn how to play that bass guitar of his. If only-- In another entry in the long, long odyssey of Klace not knowing words, here's him using 'fervor' in a way that doesn't make any sense.  He said Rocker's dead. They'll be calling this the Bodycount Tour in a few years!  I--I was just saying... It's a tragedy what happened to Rocker. He was so young, as well... Shock's hands turn to fists. He trembles, clearly fighting off tears. Tell me what happened. Acheron looks at me, unsure of how to respond. I shrug. Dealing with this is not my expertise.  "Dead, with only a note saying 'I, Max, am the killer'. A complete mystery." Rocker died in the same way...? I guess Singe gave Acheron more info than us. But if this was true, then- The person texting me. They killed Klace. But not only that. They were The Midnight Killer...Using their power from The Ark for nefarious purposes.  Why would Rabies be afraid of someone having power from the Ark? Rabies themselves has demonstrated no actual power from the drat place, and it would make sense that anyone else equally "blessed" would be about as much of a threat. Then again, Reiyo just straight-up admitted that he lied about giving Rabies powers, so who knows. It's all connected, more than I thought...I wouldn't be surprised if Terra was involved, too. You mean... Unfortunately, yes. How could you let this happen? Me? "Best in the business." "Perfect track record." You're supposed to be here to save us. What were you doing instead? Do you even know where Rocker was...?  He was probably having a nice chat with Maxine "Totally Not the Killer" Armstrong. I wonder if she knows who the killer is. I don't care about "judging by"! Your stupid deductions won't save anyone. Two of my friends are already dead! Shock, please-- Shut up! Now I can't help but wonder at the potential/horror of a Mortal Kombat visual novel. ...! But Acheron doesn't move from his place. He stands his ground. Reaching out a paw, he catches Shock's punch. What...? Acheron squeezes Shock's fist. He trembles in pain, trying to break free. But Acheron's grip tightens. It looks like Shock's fingers might snap at any second. Hey--! It's clear that Shock is starting to panic. Perhaps he thought less of Acheron, or more of himself.  Says Mr. Perfect Track Record Please Ignore the Pile of Bodies Behind Me. ... Instead of releasing his grip, he tightens it further. Don't place the blame of this on me. We're dealing with a serial killer here. And if I am supposed to protect you? You don't want to be on my bad side... He releases his grip. Shock flies back and lands on the floor. The momentum of his attempts to escape used against him. He quickly pushes himself up and runs away. He covers his face, as if in shame. After a few moments pass, Acheron turns back to me.  Acheron claims Shock is irrational, but has there been any time in this entire game where a character acted anything approaching rational?  Well it was kind of, you know, the thing you're specifically being paid to do to protect Shock and everyone else. Great job so far!  He might as well be saying 'welp I tried' here. ... I'm afraid that now I'm self-conscious. I must not let his thinking dissuade me. He rests his paw on his chin. In deep thought. Perhaps it would be best if you followed after him. I think in his situation, he might do something we consider "stupid".  God help us if he pisses off Singe.  This guy is just really work-shy, huh?  "Oh huh, someone died. Couldn't be helped!" "Dang, hurt that guy's feelings. Why don't you be a pal and fix that problem?" Especially with what just happened...I don't want to do that to him again. Of course, I'm sure he'll find a way to twist my actions against me. I'm only one man. We're not gods. We're limited. Can we truly be held responsible for something we never had the power to stop in the first place? This, I'm not sure... Either way, you should get going...I have a meeting with Singe as well. I promise a change for the better. I'll be in touch as soon as I'm out.  Why do I get the feeling Acheron's "number" is just 911, since he obviously doesn't want to deal with anyone's safety? He gives me a nod and slowly walks away. I suppose he's right -- I should check up on Shock. I notice Kila exiting Singe's office. He runs downstairs without even seeing me. I wonder what's on his mind. He's been acting a little off lately. Acheron shrugs as he enters the office. I do the same, as I follow after Shock. Not the greatest when it comes to listening skills, eh Kila?  Be nice if he found a sense of shame.  Lines like this make me think Klace is at least partially aware of his tendency to drag on on dialogue, but being Klace does nothing about it.   Remember Kila, this is a sneaking mission.  Why cluster-bomb my school and call it self-defense, it's Maxine Armstrong!  Me too, actually. I didn't think Singe would ever shut up. He's really determined to catch this killer.  Yeah, I could tell. Good thing my weapons are here. I doubt Acheron could stop himself. He's too infatuated with Dazz. Really? I didn't figure him the type. He seemed all business and no pleasure. It's hard to get a read on him sometimes.  Please ignore the dried blood and claw marks on Max's arms. You wouldn't believe how big mosquitoes get in Tokyo. The size of dump trucks! Well, of course. I'd never leave someone like you hanging. It's not every day that a billionaire-- Just call me Max, Kila. My money does not define me. Oh, of course! I didn't mean to offend you, Max. It's okay Kila. You didn't know. But I'm here as Max. Not as the CEO of Armstrong Incorporated.  Preeeeety sure being Kila puts you a level below most people. What did you want to talk to me about? About everything that's going on right now. Sorry for just assuming a moment ago; But are you thankful for the weapons here? I'm not sure. I know Acheron isn't. But...He's also not doing his job. I mean, if he was -- Rocker would be... Alive, right? Glad you see it my way. But your weapons didn't help, either. So I can't say for sure.  Fun fact: every time Max laughs, a child soldier loses a limb!  Singe is the one responsible for that. He has the key to detonate the weapons. I do too, but...It's not my job. He bought them -- so he should use them.  A very well-armed drama queen.  Insanity can be quite liberating, if you know how to use it. Is that so...? Yeah. So maybe his judgement will be more clear. It's still no excuse for Rocker though.  I just like how Max is openly hoping for her weapons to go off and nobody bothers calling her out on it. I guess. I'm not gonna be here for much longer anyways. I'm flying home later...But Singe wants us to keep it secret. He says if the killer knows what we're plotting, they might take rash action. Oh, really?  Thanks for keeping that info on the down-low, Kila.  Thank you for sharing that with me. Wouldn't want you to get caught in the fray. Yeah, exactly. So whatever happens here -- I'm out. I didn't want to come here to begin with. Wow, can't believe you said that. You must trust me if you let -that- slip up.  So Kila secretly hates Tokyo, and I'm assuming by extension most otaku crap. If that's the case, why on God's green earth did he ask Rabies to the maid cafe in the first place? I know, I know. I dug into your history a little bit. Really? You're just so interesting, Kila. Did you tell anyone else? I mean, the real reason you're here? No... So the lovely otaku nerd schtick is a front? For what? Is Kila a trekkie under all those layers? Hey! You keep that to yourself, Max! Perhaps I will. Or perhaps I won't... I'd be more inclined to keep it to myself if you were to do me a small favor, Kila. Fine...Checkmate, I guess... Oh, not quite yet. But I'm afraid I have to go for now. My favor involves another meeting. At about seven o' clock tonight. Are you down for that? Sure, where at? "Please come alone in the room I've probably had soundproofed." Now if you'll excuse me...I have another meeting to tend to.  Oh, that Maxine. What antics will she get up to next? [Laugh track, bomb explosion]  Have you considered keeping it shut forever?  At Furryworld, Velasquez wonders if there's anything he can do to recover from the fact that he's not building enough bars to cover for the famines sweeping across the planet.  Now Dusk, some rumors are helpful. Can't let Velasquez's enemies think he doesn't impale those that displease him, can we?  Yes. But I've thought of something else.  Oh? And what is that, my King? That hurt they'd be feeling would be hunger pangs. This would be like a pompous display of ownership, in the way I don't intend... Would you like me to prepare a new outfit? I could allocate funds from the treasury. Something more...rustic, perhaps. Maybe not fully intact. With holes.  And the general populace of Terra is so poor they can't even adequately clothe themselves. Velasquez is good king! No, Dusk. I must not disguise myself. Hiding who I am also gives off a bad image. Then I'm afraid I don't follow. What else could you be planning, my King? It may be risky, but...I want to open the doors of my castle. I want the people to come to -me-. They will be able to walk these halls as if they were in their own home... This will give off the image I intend. That Terra truly belongs to its people. And that I don't hold back from them.  Do nothing and let the masses lynch you? Use this opening to plan an attack? Trust me, I've considered all the avenues. Let me describe my plan in more detail. Of course, my Lord. I did not mean to be crass. When everyone has arrived, I will have them gather in the atrium. At this point, I will address all of them at once... I will be fully forthcoming. This is where they will learn what I have planned for myself, and the future of Terra. And that point, we will open our grand hall. We will have a feast for the ages. A ball that will be etched in time... Finally, some good news!  ...! You can't be serious, Velasquez! It needs to be done, Dusk. If my enemies still wish to attack me after hearing everything I have to say...Then I will accept my appointed fate. For the repercussions of my death will be negligible compared to what comes next.  Isn't the monarchy an elective one though?  However....If my plan comes to fruition...I will leave to them a beautiful world. In much better shape than it is right now. The mumblings of this "New Terra"...Perhaps they are not as off as they think. We can only hope that-- Your local doctor recommends that you not stab yourself at least once a day. My Lord! Are you okay...?  And clearly Velasquez is not following that recommendation. <  > I--Yes, I'm fine. Sir--you're bleeding! Please, do not be alarmed. And old wound must have re-opened. I am capable of tending to it myself. You are dismissed. Yes, of course. Please call on me if you need any aid. If it gets worse, we must take action.   Nah, I think that scepter of yours did its job. Blarghalt fucked around with this message at 19:13 on May 20, 2017 |
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Mar 6, 2017 00:43
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Acheron is supposed to have a thing for Dazz? Have they ever been in the same scene together?
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Mar 6, 2017 02:13
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Can the game just please skip to the part where Max murders everyone? Especially Kila?
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Mar 6, 2017 03:59
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XavierGenisi posted:Can the game just please skip to the part where Max murders everyone? Especially Kila? We'll get to that. Just hold tight.
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Mar 6, 2017 04:02
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You keep being confused by this - Tiger Trump wants to run for what is essentially Prime Minister, the highest elected office, and figured once he was there he could find some way to discredit the monarchy and pull a Cromwell. At this point I'm honestly not sure if Kila was faking his persona or he's one of those people who go "I took a trip to Tokyo and it was nothing like anime! Everyone looked at me funny when I said hello to them out of nowhere."
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Mar 6, 2017 04:18
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Added Space posted:At this point I'm honestly not sure if Kila was faking his persona or he's one of those people who go "I took a trip to Tokyo and it was nothing like anime! Everyone looked at me funny when I said hello to them out of nowhere." I feel like the answer to this requires Klace to ever be able to write these characters as having distinct voices or personalities besides their plot-supplied interests and motivations, which means we'll never know. Also "Max smirks softly" is so Bad Chat Roleplay that it's destroying me. It's like my whole misspent adolescence rolled up into one single, awful screenshot
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Mar 6, 2017 04:22
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Mar 6, 2017 04:43
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If you think any of these characters can feel shame you haven't been paying attention 
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Mar 6, 2017 04:50
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The king's plan seems to rely heavily on finally dying of bleeding out at exactly the right moment.
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Mar 6, 2017 04:56
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Antivehicular posted:Also "Max smirks softly" is so Bad Chat Roleplay that it's destroying me. It's like my whole misspent adolescence rolled up into one single, awful screenshot Can Max also frown loudly?
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Mar 6, 2017 05:04
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Obligatum VII posted:The king's plan seems to rely heavily on finally dying of bleeding out at exactly the right moment. That sort of action is worth two... no, three taverns!
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Mar 6, 2017 05:05
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In theory one prop you can give klace's writing is that there aren't a lot of ellipses, but I read ellipses as the characters farting so really he just denied me the one pleasure I could've gotten out of this.
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Mar 7, 2017 00:23
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You know, there's been something bugging me about Klace's writing style from the beginning - something I just could not put my finger on. And then I was reading the latest chapter of a fan translation project, and it hit me - Klace writes like he reads a lot of fan translated light novels. Because a lot of the time, those are just barely above machine translation, so you get poo poo like weird pauses, sentences that. stop when they should keep going and over-description for minor actions because of how Japanese works or because of aforementioned machine translations and the editing on it being nearly non-existent. I mean, I can completely believe the dude's a lovely writer and using his rp logs for this thing, sure. But I can also believe the guy is trying to ape a 'style' of writing that's only a thing because of lovely translations.
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Mar 7, 2017 01:39
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Nevileen posted:I mean, I can completely believe the dude's a lovely writer and using his rp logs for this thing, sure. But I can also believe the guy is trying to ape a 'style' of writing that's only a thing because of lovely translations. Yeah, there's a sort of overly precise yet completely wrong phrasing and grammar throughout the thing that makes it read like a scanslation.
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Mar 7, 2017 02:06
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Yea, it's been mentioned, it's pretty telling Klace only consumes scanslations, RP logs, and Fan Fiction. What you read does heavily affect your writing style, especially if you only read type of thing.
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Mar 7, 2017 02:34
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So, let's theorize. Klace carried around some form of passion for writing, but he wasn't engaged or had bad experiences with his English classes. Instead, he chose to devote his passion towards anything from Japan, and then towards the furry community. To satisfy his ravenous hunger, he starts consuming more and more works translated into his native tongue, but because he skipped out on his English classes, he can't tell what's good and what's not. Same with fanfiction for the series he liked at the time. At the same time, he makes friends mainly using the furry community, buddying up with people who had his general interests - none of whom dared to challenge or criticize him even in the name of friendship, and they didn't really have writing chops themselves except for low-quality intimate RP. He writes and writes and writes, putting up work after work, getting nothing but praise from others, and this fueled his ambition 'till he organized and embarked on a project that would involve his friends and others who gave him cash, but without an initial story. He tried to release it in the episodic format while he figures out what the hell to do, but then the general public comes along and generally views the game as below their standards - including those from the furry community he so loved. He resolves this disconnect by throwing a temper tantrum on Steam and trying and failing to make this blow over, not realizing that people like Blarghalt are mocking his game behind their back. This has to be the case, right?
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Mar 7, 2017 04:35
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Or he's just, you know, regular stupid. Please take time to meditate on the fact that you just wrote fanfiction about the dev of this game.
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Mar 7, 2017 04:42
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inthesto posted:Please take time to meditate on the fact that you just wrote fanfiction about the dev of this game. 
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Mar 7, 2017 04:46
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Yeah, dude isn't even interesting dumb, just regular nerd dumb. The person who pointed out that Klace's style comes from only ever consuming nerd media and fan works is right on; go onto any site where nerds are attempting to write (roleplaying, fanfic, fan-translations) and you'll find a swarm of people who have consumed the same crap as Klace and write prose freely interchangeable with Major/Minor. Klace is fun to gawk at, but he's not a unique freakshow exhibit, just another midway clown.
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Mar 7, 2017 05:09
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Also you're wrong because furries loving love this poo poo.
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Mar 7, 2017 05:10
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Right, given that I've completely wasted my time trying to rationalize Klace's writing with a life story, I'll do something of a litmus test. Kurt Vonnegut, one of my favorite authors, has penned 8 tips on how to write an effective short story - tips that I've really made use of in my own writing. In reverse order:Vonnegut posted:8) Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages. As I read through M\M, I don't feel I have a complete understanding of what's going on. The story really doesn't have an overarching arc of any sort, and any good suspense is ruined by explaining it before it happens. It just tends to blur together for me. Vonnegut posted:7) Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia. These are guesses, but he could be writing to try and please the broad community, trying too much to make it generally accessible and falling into cliche after cliche. That, or he wrote the story to please himself. A single person, yes, but he has more effective ways of pleasing himself. Vonnegut posted:6) Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them–in order that the reader may see what they are made of. Well, we are at the point where Klace is making awful things happen to their characters. However, there's no real investment in any of those characters, and they don't really react to these awful events in terribly interesting ways. In other words, a miss. Vonnegut posted:5) Start as close to the end as possible. The original Steam release of the game started as one chapter, a promise of 10, and was constantly rewritten before the ending chapter was released. Less starting as close to the end, more like trying to find an end after writing an incredibly trite start. Vonnegut posted:4) Every sentence must do one of two things–reveal character or advance the action. Klace's overly wording writing style and refusal to do real editing leaves this one as an obvious fail. Vonnegut posted:3) Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water. There are some defined wants, notably Kila and the MC's want to go see Klace's concert at the very start, but for a lot of the characters, I'm not exactly sure what they want to achieve with their batty actions - feels like they do their things just because "the story says so". Vonnegut posted:2) Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for. I'm rooting for Max because she wants to kill everyone, for reasons. I don't think she counts. Vonnegut posted:1) Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted. Take a guess. Major\Minor is my bile fascination at this point. I know I shouldn't be as "interested" in it as I am, but I can't look away.
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Mar 7, 2017 05:38
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Waffleman_ posted:Also you're wrong because furries loving love this poo poo. I wonder if you could actually make a furry VN bad enough that the furry fandom wouldn't embrace it. The only ways I can think of to manage it would be to have sufficiently unsexy art (the art in Major/Minor is pretty mediocre, with terrible character designs, but it's very shiny and the character designs are sexed up enough to still appeal to the lowest common furnominator) or to have a story about bashing furries/human supremacy -- actively insult the fandom, more or less. Even then, you could always earn some goodwill by selling slots for people's characters, because if there's one thing the furry fandom loves, it's paying people money for the privilege of being able to say "see that generic vaguely canid thing in a trucker hat and mesh shirt? That's my character!!"
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Mar 7, 2017 06:18
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Antivehicular posted:I wonder if you could actually make a furry VN bad enough that the furry fandom wouldn't embrace it. Alternatively, pants and shirts.
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Mar 7, 2017 08:34
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Antivehicular posted:have sufficiently unsexy art Trap probably sprung, but there's more than enough poo poo that's just  out there, to say nothing of the lowest quality of art that people still crank it to. This wouldn't ruin sales.Antivehicular posted:have a story about bashing furries/human supremacy Beauty and the Beast already exists. Really, the sad fact of the matter is that people like lovely things. Not all people like the same lovely things, but enough people do in many, many cases. And a lot of people will forgive utterly abhorrent writing for arbitrary reasons. The only difference between M\M and Generic Anime Moebait Simulator #53521 is that M\M is furry and its writing was done by a native English speaker instead of being translated badly. KataraniSword fucked around with this message at 12:18 on Mar 7, 2017 |
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Mar 7, 2017 12:15
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Antivehicular posted:have sufficiently unsexy art  Yeah, how did that work out.
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Mar 7, 2017 18:43
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DNA Gender Bender Twister Extreme had art and writing so bad it will make you want to take a vow of celibacy, but that game was so financially successful that the creator made a sequel and outsourced full animated cut scenes to Japanese studios
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Mar 7, 2017 19:17
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inthesto posted:DNA Gender Bender Twister Extreme had art and writing so bad it will make you want to take a vow of celibacy, but that game was so financially successful that the creator made a sequel and outsourced full animated cut scenes to Japanese studios Is this a real thing or something you made up? E: Oh, christ, of course it's real. Night10194 fucked around with this message at 23:10 on Mar 7, 2017 |
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Mar 7, 2017 23:07
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I don't think I have the mental or moral strength to investigate that on my own. What does that game entail?
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Mar 8, 2017 00:01
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It's entirely to facilitate transformation fetish, that I think will suffice.
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Mar 8, 2017 00:29
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Samovar posted:I don't think I have the mental or moral strength to investigate that on my own. What does that game entail? I think the name is self-explanatory.
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Mar 8, 2017 00:33
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 23:00 |
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Samovar posted:I don't think I have the mental or moral strength to investigate that on my own. What does that game entail? It's a transformation fetish visual novel with hideous art and writing that gives this game a run for its money. It's broken up into a bunch of different character paths, but every single storyline is the main character getting a sex change against their will, and then being sexually harassed by literally every other character 24/7. And then at some point they "explore" their new bodies and discover they like having their biological sex forcibly changed. It is disrespectful to all genders and sexualities in every conceivable way, and it's actually kind of impressive for that. Abject Suffering did a really good episode on the game where they somehow managed to avoid poo poo talking the creator's obvious fetish and focused on what a flaming trash heap the whole thing is: https://player.fm/series/abject-suffering/episode-163-gender-bender-dna-twister-extreme
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Mar 8, 2017 03:41
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