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Did you hear? Did you hear? The Great Malvolio is putting on a show tonight! The world's greatest daredevil is here! In India, he jumped over 40 starving tigers! He wrestled a moose to death in Canada with a spoon! He ate the spiciest chili in all the world - and washed it down with vinegar! He's here!  For his first stunt, he'll begin with something easy - though certainly far beyond the ken of any normal man! With the entire audience holding their breath in terror, he shall: 1. Ride his [VEHICLE] off a ramp over [SINGLE DIGIT] [ANIMALS]... [+5 Danger]
2. Tightrope walk [DOUBLE DIGIT NUMBER] feet in the air... [+5 Danger]
3. Go over a waterfall in a [CONTAINER]... [+10 Danger]
The Great Malvolio is the world's greatest daredevil - but he's still only a man! Pick a number and any (or none) of the intensifiers. Based on your choices (and yes, fill in the Mad Libs along with your choice), I will roll a d100 against the total Danger Rating of the winning choice. If you beat the roll, you survive, gaining the accolades of your fans and increasing your Fame! If you do not beat the roll, you die. But wait, the Great Malvolio is so very Great that he has devised methods to Cheat Death! You can Cheat Death in the following ways:
Finally, the Great Malvolio “Never Goes Backwards”! That is to say, his stunts will only increase in danger over time! The total Danger Rating of each stunt must surpass the one before! Good luck! note: the management reserves the right to increase Danger Levels due to particularly dangerous word choices Dog Kisser fucked around with this message at 02:02 on Dec 22, 2016 |
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Dec 21, 2016 19:33
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3 A never not pick the most dangerous stunt.
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Dec 21, 2016 19:41
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Nyaa posted:3 A never not pick the most dangerous stunt. You can pick as many of the letters as you want!
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Dec 21, 2016 19:47
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Only the most dangerous stunt! 
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Dec 21, 2016 19:49
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The Great Malvolio shall, for his first stunt, GO OVER A WATERFALL in a SWAN PEDALO full of SWANS on a river of JET FUEL and be HIT BY A ROCKET ON THE WAY DOWN, and he'll top it all by SWIMMING BACK UP. 3ABCD
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Dec 21, 2016 21:04
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2ABCD. Tightrope Walk 99 feet in the air, over a lake of botulinum toxin, on one foot, on a rope made of Hexanitrohexaazaisowurtzitane, while eating poorly prepared fugu..
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Dec 21, 2016 21:40
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1ACD 1. Ride his COVERED WAGON off a ramp over TWO ENTIRE PARAKEETS!!! [+5 Danger] A. Wearing only A CALTRANS HI-VIS VEST and A SINGLE ARGYLE SOCK!!! [+1 Danger] C. While singing 99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL ! [+1 Danger] D. While juggling ONE STRESS BALL! [+3 Danger]
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Dec 22, 2016 01:01
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 The absolute madman - I wouldn’t believe it if I couldn’t see it with my own eyes! The Great Malvolio is planning to go over a waterfall in a swan pedalo (full of swans, no less!), be hit by a rocket on the way down and then - as if that weren’t enough - swim back up the bloody thing! Oh, and the bleedin’ river will be made of jet fuel instead of water! No, turn back Malvolio, this is suicide! I simply can’t watch - and neither should you! For God’s sake, go! … Ah, you’ve remained? You must be made of sterner stuff than most; witness those of frailer constitutions fainting from the terror - or else the fumes emanating off the river. The cloudless evening sky even now darkens into night as we wait and watch, but where is Malvolio? Could it be that this is too much even for him!?  Of course not! In a flash of light and a swelling of drums, he emerges from a hidden outcropping, pedalling the swan-shaped boat with deft ease. He manages a hasty wave (hampered by the fire-proof suit and the incredibly terrified swans sharing the boat with him) before bearing down towards the rushing falls, a determined grimace visible even through the leaded-glass faceplate of the suit. With molasses slowness, the pedalo crawls towards the precipice, the swans take flight in a panic, and the artilleryman prepares his deadly missile. The count begins… 5… 4… 3… 2… And he’s gone over! In a flash, the rocket propelled grenade strikes the surface of the rushing river of jet fuel, instantenously setting it ablaze. Any swans too slow to vacate the pedalo are roasted by the heat, and surely the pedalo itself could not stand the blaze. But… but what about Malvolio? Have we… good God… have we watched the brilliant man die this night? 1d100 vs 51 =  96 Look at him! Just look at him! Even through the blazing current, even against the wretched claws of gravity itself, the Great Malvolio is powering his way up the waterfall! Watch him leap, like a proud, noble salmon. His fireproof suit looks worse for the wear, his fine moustaches are crisping, and still the man climbs! Is there anything he can’t do? And this is just the start! What could he possibly come up with next!? 1. Jump from a [DOUBLE DIGIT] high platform attached to a bungee rope made of [INAPPROPRIATE BUNGEE ROPE MATERIAL]... [+10 Danger]
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Dec 22, 2016 02:52
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1. Jump from a [20 foot] high platform attached to a bungee rope made of [TAFFY]... [+10 Danger] A. While falling through a gauntlet of [FLAMETHROWERS]! [+20 Danger] B. While covered in [TAR AND FEATHERS]! [+5 Danger] C. While aiming for a [2] foot-wide hole! [+10 Danger]
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Dec 22, 2016 03:19
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Arkanomen posted:1. Jump from a [20 foot] high platform attached to a bungee rope made of [TAFFY]... [+10 Danger] Not dangerous enough! That's only 45 Danger Points! Feel free to suggest EXTRA Dangers!
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Dec 22, 2016 03:24
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Malvolio must be made of steel beams to survive that stunt.
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Dec 22, 2016 03:32
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2BCD Crash a rocket-propelled Segway into a wall going 99 miles per hour, whilst strapped to the front without a strap, with eyes glued shut!
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Dec 22, 2016 03:32
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super sweet best pal posted:Malvolio must be made of steel beams to survive that stunt. dude did you read the bottom of the poster
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Dec 22, 2016 03:35
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1 ABCD (answers crowd-sourced from work colleagues) Jump from a 50 metre platform attached to a bungee rope made of children's letters to Santa while falling through a gauntlet of PUAs, covered in "Make America Great Again" merchandise, aiming for a 1 foot-wide hole only inches above a pool of white-hot vindaloo.
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Dec 22, 2016 05:47
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Dog Kisser posted:Not dangerous enough! That's only 45 Danger Points! Feel free to suggest EXTRA Dangers! Ah yes, He'll do it blindfolded.
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Dec 22, 2016 16:13
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Arkanomen posted:Ah yes, He'll do it blindfolded. An extra +10 Danger Points for the man! edit: Also, where there isn't complete concordance, I'll pick a combination among the available options for the winning vote.
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Dec 22, 2016 16:18
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Coward posted:1 ABCD This is pretty good.
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Dec 22, 2016 16:20
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2. Delorean, 88 Add in some stuff about it being struck by lightning at the same time.
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Dec 22, 2016 18:24
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Elfface posted:2. Delorean, 88 2. Delorean, 88. B. While having 1.21 Gigawatts of electricity running through his body and getting shot up by syrian terrorists
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Dec 22, 2016 18:49
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I dig the DeLorean option. Sticking with my current vote but expressing approval for that one.
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Dec 22, 2016 19:24
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Oh boy, 1 and 2 are tied - anyone feel like breaking it?
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Dec 22, 2016 19:32
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The only thing that will be broken is Malvolio's body and soul.
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Dec 22, 2016 19:34
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1. He will jump from a 10 Ångström high platform, attached to a bungee rope made out of bubblegum, falling through a gauntlet of gauntlets! Covered in licorice! Aiming for a 9 foot hole! Above a pool of vaccines!
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Dec 22, 2016 20:28
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Swedish Thaumocracy posted:1. He will jump from a 10 Ångström high platform, attached to a bungee rope made out of bubblegum, falling through a gauntlet of gauntlets! My goal shall henceforth be to make the most innocuous possible stunts for Malvolio with super high danger ratings just to see how DK could possibly make him die. Actually no this is my vote: Catch a Marshmellow... [+10 Danger] A. With his teeth! [+25 Danger] B. While on a platform spinning at 10 RPM! [+10 Danger] C. And then do it again 1 times! [+20 Danger] D. While holding 1 baby bunny! [+5 Danger] Theantero fucked around with this message at 20:38 on Dec 22, 2016 |
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Dec 22, 2016 20:34
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 Would you look at the size of that!? That platform has to be something like 50 feet high! Mounted along the sides of the platform are flamethrowers and literal medieval gauntlets, jutting out at angles precisely calibrated to cause the greatest damage possible should the Great One miss even a single cue! Through this hellish mess, Malvolio intends to bungee jump - on a bubblegum rope - through a 2 foot wide hole and narrowly miss dipping himself into a pool of white-hot vindaloo! And all this while covered in tar and feathers! Turn back, Malvolio! And yet, of course he won’t! Watch him now as he finishes chewing the last ceremonial stick of gum and attaches it to the rope wound around his feet. With a flourish to the crowd, he turns to face the Tarman and the Featherman. With a solemn nod to both, they fulfil their duty.  Well covered in the sticky mess, Malvolio inches backwards along the platform’s diving plank… then falls off, sinking like an arrow through the flames and rusted iron gauntlets, the bubblegum rope around his feet providing faint relief to the speed of the drop. But lo! Even from here, the gleam of determination blazes from his eyes even behind leaded goggles! 1d100 vs 65 =  26 Something’s wrong! Malvolio caught himself on the edge of one of the gauntlets, and now he’s spinning out of control! Dear God, freefalling into certain death! Quick, someone rush there and save him! The fool never uses a net! CHEAT DEATH
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Dec 23, 2016 01:34
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All part of the act, bub Have faith in the Great Malvolio!
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Dec 23, 2016 01:42
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Sure, 1 Will Malvolio survive the first page I wonder 
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Dec 23, 2016 02:03
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1.
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Dec 23, 2016 02:08
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1 We are just building up the suspense
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Dec 23, 2016 02:55
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It's beautiful. And all part of the act, of course.
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Dec 23, 2016 02:59
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1, the exact opposite of the thread rating.
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Dec 23, 2016 03:51
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 He’s done for! There’s no coming back from that! Someone call the ambulance! Someone call a priest! Avert your eyes! Look aw- 1d100 vs 65 = 85 What!? Did he really just loop the bubblegum rope over a gauntlet as he fell? Could it be that the man had this all figured out from the start!? He’s still falling, but he’s swinging now, looping around the platform like a maypole dancer, trailing flame. And the air pressure is drawing the heated tar down his body, stretching it out between his outstretched limbs - and the feathers appear to be acting as an airfoil! Impossible! The man is a veritable phoenix of bravery!  In one swift motion, he tore through the bubblegum, soaring unsupported for some forty feet until he crashed gracefully into a pool of flame retardant foam. The applause was thunderous when he rose to his feet - and none more than mine! But the night wasn’t over yet - and the marvelous Malvolio was already in motion to set up his next death defiance! 1. Jump a [VEHICLE] over the [NAME] Memorial [GEOLOGICAL LANDMARK]... [+30 Danger]
In addition, you have gained Fame! You gained Fame last time too but I didn’t remember to include it! Fame from first time - 1d6 = 6 Fame from this time - 1d6 = 2 Your 8 Fame can be expended to increase your roll by the chosen amount - though only before picking the stunt. Alternately, you can trade 15 Fame for another Cheat Death! Or you can save up to 100 for a SECRET SURPRISE! yeah you’re gonna die
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Dec 23, 2016 06:58
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I'm with Swedish Thaumocracy and Theantero here. 3ABCD Escape from 10 stampeding SLOTHS while wearing FRUIT as clothing, wearing AJ_Impy fucked around with this message at 12:09 on Dec 23, 2016 |
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Dec 23, 2016 10:14
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Whilst another safe stunt would be preferable for Our Heroes survival, this is too good an opportunity to pass up! Jump from a Time Machine over the Malvolio Memorial Crater! During a Time Paradox! And then back again, in reverse, undoing the paradox! Hopefully! Oh and the time machine rockets are fueled by anti-matter! Making it go twice the speed of light! Whilst being chased by the infamous Skeleton Wheels gang, the Sick Babies!
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Dec 23, 2016 10:35
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AJ_Impy posted:Escape from 10 stampeding SLOTHS while wearing FRUIT as clothing, wearing 1 foot long stilts, while high on CAFFEINE! Also, the SLOTHS are ASLEEP and STATIONARY! Hahaha yess Just change the stilts into '0 feet long stilts' Theantero fucked around with this message at 11:21 on Dec 23, 2016 |
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Dec 23, 2016 11:19
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Theantero posted:Hahaha yess I suppose that is still a single digit. Done!
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Dec 23, 2016 12:10
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Swedish Thaumocracy posted:Whilst another safe stunt would be preferable for Our Heroes survival, this is too good an opportunity to pass up! This but the time machine is built into a landsurfing board.
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Dec 23, 2016 19:11
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Jump from 1 helicopter to another, located directly below.
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Dec 23, 2016 20:46
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Swedish Thaumocracy posted:Whilst another safe stunt would be preferable for Our Heroes survival, this is too good an opportunity to pass up!  Yes
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Dec 23, 2016 21:47
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 12:24 |
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Swedish Thaumocracy posted:Whilst another safe stunt would be preferable for Our Heroes survival, this is too good an opportunity to pass up! Yup yup yup
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Dec 23, 2016 23:19
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