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boner confessor
Apr 25, 2013

by R. Guyovich

Phyzzle posted:

"Inadequacies" as in "Inadequate knowledge", or Ignorance. Not . . . inadequate looks or muscles or penises or whatever else you might be thinking.

It is bad for ignorant people to speak up and assert themselves, because this is pretending to know what they are talking about. It is bad when men feel pressured to pretend something like that.

https://www.guernicamag.com/rebecca-solnit-men-explain-things-to-me/

quote:

I still don’t know why Sallie and I bothered to go to that party in the forest slope above Aspen. The people were all older than us and dull in a distinguished way, old enough that we, at forty-ish, passed as the occasion’s young ladies. The house was great–if you like Ralph Lauren-style chalets–a rugged luxury cabin at 9,000 feet complete with elk antlers, lots of kilims, and a wood-burning stove. We were preparing to leave, when our host said, “No, stay a little longer so I can talk to you.” He was an imposing man who’d made a lot of money.

He kept us waiting while the other guests drifted out into the summer night, and then sat us down at his authentically grainy wood table and said to me, “So? I hear you’ve written a couple of books.”

I replied, “Several, actually.”

He said, in the way you encourage your friend’s seven-year-old to describe flute practice, “And what are they about?”

They were actually about quite a few different things, the six or seven out by then, but I began to speak only of the most recent on that summer day in 2003, River of Shadows: Eadweard Muybridge and the Technological Wild West, my book on the annihilation of time and space and the industrialization of everyday life.

He cut me off soon after I mentioned Muybridge. “And have you heard about the very important Muybridge book that came out this year?”

So caught up was I in my assigned role as ingénue that I was perfectly willing to entertain the possibility that another book on the same subject had come out simultaneously and I’d somehow missed it. He was already telling me about the very important book–with that smug look I know so well in a man holding forth, eyes fixed on the fuzzy far horizon of his own authority.

Here, let me just say that my life is well-sprinkled with lovely men, with a long succession of editors who have, since I was young, listened and encouraged and published me, with my infinitely generous younger brother, with splendid friends of whom it could be said–like the Clerk in The Canterbury Tales I still remember from Mr. Pelen’s class on Chaucer–“gladly would he learn and gladly teach.” Still, there are these other men, too. So, Mr. Very Important was going on smugly about this book I should have known when Sallie interrupted him to say, “That’s her book.” Or tried to interrupt him anyway.

But he just continued on his way. She had to say, “That’s her book” three or four times before he finally took it in. And then, as if in a nineteenth-century novel, he went ashen. That I was indeed the author of the very important book it turned out he hadn’t read, just read about in the New York Times Book Review a few months earlier, so confused the neat categories into which his world was sorted that he was stunned speechless–for a moment, before he began holding forth again. Being women, we were politely out of earshot before we started laughing, and we’ve never really stopped.

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Frijolero
Jan 24, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Pellisworth posted:

I dunno if it's within the scope of this thread, but gay male culture in the US is pretty toxic and exclusionary. To throw out one example, gay men with more stereotypically effeminate mannerisms or dress get poo poo on a ton compared to str8-acting homobros.

Right-o.

Even gay men have to subscribe to sexist gender norms. I've seen plenty of it in Mexico and Texas. I can't count how many times my mom has asked me if my gay brother is the "man or woman" in the relationship. :sigh:
But then there's gay males who will subject their peers to the same standards.

ewe2
Jul 1, 2009


Men do this to each other just as much as they do to women, it just looks more stupid when they do. Just today on another thread someone felt the need to explain technology to me that I already knew about, apparently there was a danger I might not have understood what I was discussing with someone else. The need to be right is just as powerful as the need to patronize, and it infects all men to some degree, myself included.

boner confessor
Apr 25, 2013

by R. Guyovich

ewe2 posted:

Men do this to each other just as much as they do to women, it just looks more stupid when they do. Just today on another thread someone felt the need to explain technology to me that I already knew about, apparently there was a danger I might not have understood what I was discussing with someone else. The need to be right is just as powerful as the need to patronize, and it infects all men to some degree, myself included.

yeah, which is doubly bad when someone isn't just misinformed due to ignorance, but misinformed due to being a woman. it's very easy for unaware men to assume that women couldn't possibly know what they're talking about, which is why this isn't just a "male problem" but a problem arising due to the patriarchy. the quoted anecdote couldn't have happened if it were a male author, the rich idiot wouldn't have kept a man behind to chat him up and impress him with knowledge of recent books

why do you say it looks "more stupid" when men assume ignorance among men? wouldn't it be equally stupid? could there be an expectation that women wouldn't know things?

Let us English
Feb 21, 2004

Actual photo of Let Us English, probably seen here waking his wife up in the morning talking about chemical formulae when all she wants is a hot cup of shhhhh

punched my v-card at camp posted:

The one real critique of feminist practices in this regard is that I think that feminist men need to do more work to reach young men, and offer a constructive alternative to the reddit cesspools. Right now a lot of impressionable young men are starting with questions like "why can't I get a date?" and ending up with the answer "because feminists and cucks are destroying male america" because the spaces they go with the question are radicalizing them.

This is the number one motivating factor for lots of MRA types I think, they just can't get a date. Unfortunately, introspection, self-evaluation, and acknowledgment of personal flaws are discouraged in men. This is compounded when young men internalize objectification of women. This makes it harder for men to step back and look at themselves in order to evaluate themselves. In this toxic environment many men don't think to ask themselves, "Who am I? What do I bring to the people in my life? What would another person find attractive in me?"
I think this is also why a lot of guys dress like poo poo. They've never thought to evaluate themselves from an outside perspective. Doing so is unmanly.

This leads to a lot of PUA bullshit. Because it frames getting laid as a game where the subject (the man) can manipulate the object (the woman). It probably wouldn't sell, but that scene wouldn't be nearly as toxic if the message was about improving oneself for ones own benefit and to be more attractive to potential romantic partners.

ewe2 posted:

Men do this to each other just as much as they do to women, it just looks more stupid when they do. Just today on another thread someone felt the need to explain technology to me that I already knew about, apparently there was a danger I might not have understood what I was discussing with someone else. The need to be right is just as powerful as the need to patronize, and it infects all men to some degree, myself included.

I used to see this a lot in the video game industry. I'd be at an event or party with a group of people talking shop and then some idiot dude (usually on the younger side) would feel the need to explain the conversation to a woman or group of women who had bee full participants in the discussion all along. It was always cringe inducing.

Men do do it to each other, but it's usually done as a power play. It becomes an easy thing to do to women if one thinks they are automatically more powerful than any woman in the room.

Unfortunately, the internet is a machine that takes good arguments and distorts them into self-parody and now I see the word 'mansplaining' used whenever a woman and a man disagree.

Let us English fucked around with this message at 06:44 on Dec 28, 2016

boner confessor
Apr 25, 2013

by R. Guyovich
yeah, the key to getting laid is

-exercise
-therapy
-eat right
-dont talk about nerd things too much
-adjust your expectations

but it's easier to blame society than work on improving yourself. and as you say, because society objectifies women and makes the obtaining of sex/a woman's affection into a measure of the man's worth, you basically have to admit you're not worth much in a real and sincere, depressing way rather than a joking ironic "haha i'm an unfuckable but at least i'm not a tryhard like chad thundercock who probably hates himself anyway"

Frijolero
Jan 24, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
My gf and I discussed "mansplaining" just yesterday. We both agreed that some men are heavy-handed and paternal, but we couldn't agree on how much was learned or innate behavior.

She said that women do plenty "splainin" themselves. (I agreed because she can be plenty professorial herself :lol:)

I don't like how trendy "mansplaining" has become. I agree that we live in a patriarchy and that men indulge in boorish behavior, but it's become an inherently anti-men argument. I mostly hear it from educated white women too, which may mean it is primarily an occupational problem.

UV_Catastrophe
Dec 29, 2008

Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are,

"It might have been."
Pillbug

punched my v-card at camp posted:

I've always found a certain degree of irony in the development of the "man-o-sphere" and the general rise of aggrieved nerd misogyny. In a lot of ways, it's the male victims of the patriarchy blaming feminism for the fact that conventional/patriarchal masculinity excludes and belittles them. I grew up a nerdling who was made fun of for being nonathletic and interested in weird stuff and I did feel a lot of frustration in how I couldn't measure up to what was expected of me as a man and that I wasn't reaping the rewards of being a man in terms of receiving female attention and male respect, which are issues I think underlie a lot of dumb MRA arguments. Unlike a lot of the GamerGate types, I've never forgot who was doing the mocking though- it was the jocks and traditionally masculine guys, not the handful of feminist women in my life.

I think a lot of young men, particularly those who are not very masculine by conventional standards, feel a fundamental tension between what they feel they should be as men, and should get as men, and their actual lived experiences. However, instead of blaming standards of manliness for creating unrealistic expectations and impossible standards, they end up blaming feminism for their inability to bridge that gap.

The one real critique of feminist practices in this regard is that I think that feminist men need to do more work to reach young men, and offer a constructive alternative to the reddit cesspools. Right now a lot of impressionable young men are starting with questions like "why can't I get a date?" and ending up with the answer "because feminists and cucks are destroying male america" because the spaces they go with the question are radicalizing them.

This is a good post, and it communicates the idea that I was trying to get at earlier.

It's darkly funny that nerdy communities tend to be some of the worst about perpetuating harmful gender stereotypes for men. Even in the enlightened leftist bastion of D&D, male nerd insecurity is transparently obvious when people constantly attack each other over being "basement-dwelling virginal neckbeards" and such.

That kind of culture encourages terrible behavior and leaves men feeling emotionally isolated and insecure. We really do massive damage to ourselves, in large part.

Let us English posted:

This leads to a lot of PUA bullshit. Because it frames getting laid as a game where the subject (the man) can manipulate the object (the woman). It probably wouldn't sell, but that scene wouldn't be nearly as toxic if the message was about improving oneself for ones own benefit and to be more attractive to potential romantic partners.

A lot of the "manosphere" actually does put a large emphasis on personal fitness, becoming more sociable, and gaining self-esteem and confidence. They also teach guys to be emotionally abusive, to hate women on a general level, and to subscribe to abhorrent politics.

The former bits are positive behaviors that help success in dating, while the later bits are unnecessary and destructive baggage. The real problem is that they tangle all of these things together in one poisonous ideology, and lots of guys can't figure out what they've been sold.

ewe2
Jul 1, 2009

boner confessor posted:

why do you say it looks "more stupid" when men assume ignorance among men? wouldn't it be equally stupid? could there be an expectation that women wouldn't know things?

To a certain kind of man, it's like getting to play in a lower league than he's used to, free kicks all round. The beta gets to feel like a bully.

Let us English posted:

Men do do it to each other, but it's usually done as a power play. It becomes an easy thing to do to women if one thinks they are automatically more powerful than any woman in the room.

The anxieties of a pecking order get their release in this fashion.

Pellisworth
Jun 20, 2005

Frijolero posted:

Right-o.

Even gay men have to subscribe to sexist gender norms. I've seen plenty of it in Mexico and Texas. I can't count how many times my mom has asked me if my gay brother is the "man or woman" in the relationship. :sigh:
But then there's gay males who will subject their peers to the same standards.

Yeah, it seems to me that "traditional" gender roles and expectations are applied to gay men both in how they should act and who they should date.

You should be a strong confident manly man, and ideally you should date someone young and pretty.

I don't think mannerisms and dating preferences are necessarily racist or bigoted. Some people are more traditionally masculine, some are more feminine, some people are more attracted to one or the other. Some people are more attracted to partners of their own race and that's not just based on appearance. I've mostly dated white guys but I think that's largely because of my social circles and the fact that I share more cultural experience with them, I don't have any strong preference. Growing up gay and black, for example, is pretty different from my own experience and gay black dudes are their own distinct subculture.

BUT BUT BUT, all of that is heavily reinforced in media and the larger culture and it's not healthy. If you tend to go for more masculine Hispanic dudes, fine whatever that's your preference. But don't poo poo on everyone else, be a little self-aware and support your broader community.

botany
Apr 27, 2013

by Lowtax

ewe2 posted:

Men do this to each other just as much as they do to women, it just looks more stupid when they do. Just today on another thread someone felt the need to explain technology to me that I already knew about, apparently there was a danger I might not have understood what I was discussing with someone else. The need to be right is just as powerful as the need to patronize, and it infects all men to some degree, myself included.

No they don't. Men among themselves are far more ready to assume a basic level of competency in others than they are if they are talking to a woman. I teach seminars, I get to witness this stuff first hand. A male student will be assumed to be baseline competent by default, until he says something dumb enough to change people's minds. A female student will usually have to work to convince people that she has understood the text at a basic level. Women are assumed to be incompetent until they have demonstrated otherwise. None of this is done with malicious intent, but it very much happens. It also has the unfortunate side-effect of being self-perpetuating, i.e., if a female student is talked to like she didn't understand something, she will likely back off and question whether she really missed something, which looks like confirmation to the person explaining to her. Thus the person explaining will feel that they were helpful and will do the same thing again next time.

Men do overexplain to other men, that is true. But at a lower rate than to women in my experience (and the experience of other lecturers that I've talked to). And women almost never do it to men.

Rush Limbo
Sep 5, 2005

its with a full house

Pellisworth posted:

I dunno if it's within the scope of this thread, but gay male culture in the US is pretty toxic and exclusionary. To throw out one example, gay men with more stereotypically effeminate mannerisms or dress get poo poo on a ton compared to str8-acting homobros.

But is this a problem with gay culture, or the wider scope of patriarchy? Who is actually doing the making GBS threads? Is it other gay men, or straight men? I guess I've heard of straight acting gay men who show resentment towards the more stereotypical gay man, largely because the former feel the latter are making things harder for them when it comes to being accepted, but that just raises the question of why is it necessary for gay men to be accepted only if they act a certain way.

The thing to do would be not to tut and roll your eyes and berate people for acting in what is perceived to be a negative way, but to embrace and encourage it.

If a way of behaving rattles the patriarchy, then it should be doubled down on because it's clearly doing something right.

ewe2
Jul 1, 2009

botany posted:

Men do over explain to other men, that is true. But at a lower rate than to women in my experience (and the experience of other lecturers that I've talked to). And women almost never do it to men.

I'm not disagreeing here, I think it's actually worse on the internet than face to face, and it may not be borne out by your experience but from men's point of view there's little difference. Men feel explained-to a lot, perhaps they measure their social inferiority by it.

It's the same with privilege playing victim, they don't actually see the difference, but they imagine they're being victimized. It's almost a siege mentality. They're ready to attack on the assumption they're always being patronized (of course there are exceptions). Men also feel better if they think they can successfully compete in a different domain than the one they assume for their "competitor". With women this can be anything, but it's just as instructive to see how men boost their egos by comparing each others occupations and don't get them started on sports.

The assumption of baseline competency is a measure (to men) of where on the ladder you are. Read any technical discussion and see just how impatient men are with each other when they assume an understanding that isn't there, that's the flip side. Women mostly do not feel the need to compete like this and even if some men don't, they still fear being explained-to.

Hexmage-SA
Jun 28, 2012
DM

falcon2424 posted:

This is why we shouldn't mix up movements and ideologies.

Ideologies have infinite space. People could write a billion books on men. There will still be paper for books on women.

Movements don't have infinite space. A meeting lasts an hour. Each minute on men is a minute that's not spent on women.

So, male equality is (and should be) part of Feminism the ideology. But, if there are men's issues that need attention, that attention should come from its own social movement.

My only problem with this is that Feminism is largely based in womens' experiences and that a Male Feminist movement could devolve through the "blind leading the blind". It's why I'm skeptical of the idea that people who most benefit from privilege should self-educate themselves on social justice ideologies based in subjective experiences they'll never face; how do you know their own subjective experiences won't lead them to develop alternative explanations and viewpoints that in-places contradict or bowdlerize the parent movement?

paternity suitor
Aug 2, 2016

ewe2 posted:

The need to be right is just as powerful as the need to patronize, and it infects all men to some degree, myself included.

Over the last few years, I've come to realize that righteousness is a major flaw in both myself, and virtually every man I know. Sure it's a trait in a few women, but it seems to be almost a defining trait of men. I couldn't tell you if it's societal or what, but the best I can do personally is try to catch myself when I'm all caught up in it. The difficult part is that it often feels like a virtue.

unlimited shrimp
Aug 30, 2008

Hexmage-SA posted:

how do you know their own subjective experiences won't lead them to develop alternative explanations and viewpoints that in-places contradict or bowdlerize the parent movement?

Why is this bad? Is there something sacred about the subaltern experience?

e.
Parse what you just said.

"How can you be sure they'll be indoctrinated uncritically accept the prescribed view?"

unlimited shrimp fucked around with this message at 18:44 on Dec 28, 2016

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

Black Baby Goku posted:

So it silences women by bringing up a topic in the feminism thread that doesn't involve women? Are men and women not allowed to discuss issues that may not be from the place of their sex or lived experiences? Just seems silly to me but whatever. Thanks for answering.

It may not be, on an individual level, objectionable. However on aggregate, if everybody does that because the discussion group is disproportionately male, it has the effect of drowning out the discussion.

It is possible for actions which are individually fine to have not fine outcomes when applied universally. And whether it is intended or not doesn't make it less obstructive, so you attack the effect by creating safe spaces and giving extra weight to numerically smaller voices.

Zachack
Jun 1, 2000




the trump tutelage posted:

Why is this bad? Is there something sacred about the subaltern experience?

It's not necessarily bad and challenging dogma/authority certainly has value but a shared pool of resources and knowledge, particularly those involving mental and emotional states or behaviors in two different groups, will likely at the least avoid wasting time reinventing the wheel.

From a tactical perspective you don't want two entities trying to do the same thing in uncoordinated ways because secondary effects can be disastrous. I'm currently dealing with establishing something with a likely powerful adversary and entities on my side often offer up support ideas that sound great to them but would be hugely disastrous if performed because they aren't working with a lot of the core information.

wateroverfire
Jul 3, 2010
IDK which thread this is right for so here goes.

My fiance had a successful and highly paid career that she decided to put on hold for reasons. It pisses me off when the Wokest of the Woke people I know criticize or look down on 1) her for deciding to stay home instead of running with that and 2) me for not encouraging her to be a Strong Independant Woman.

She's doing what she wants to do and your stupid gendered expectations are just as dumb as the ones you claim you're fighting against (You know who you are. You probably don't read SA, but still).

Talmonis
Jun 24, 2012
The fairy of forgiveness has removed your red text.
Let's consider for a moment, the expectations and ideals we're supposed to fill and aspire to hold.

So called 'masculine' traits such as: Independence, strength of body, ruggedness, volitile temperment, indifference, intelligence, logic, STEM aptitude, emotional distance, leadership, ambition, competitiveness, powerful voice, athleticism, high income, sexually aggressive, sexually insatiable and more.

And then 'feminine' traits that are seen as aberrant or womanly, even homosexual in nature: Empathy, sympathy, eloquence, kindness, cleanliness, emotionally open, low income, physically inept, soft skin, soft voice, contentedness, depression, liberal arts aptitude, paternal instinct, love of children, etc.

How do we go about breaking this stuff down? It's not all negative, and certainly not limited to men (clearly women have nearly the opposite expectations). I want to see a country where both the cowboy and the nurse are seen as male roles to aspire to. Taking care of children is another big one. The biggest thing in my life is being called "Daddy!" by my little boy. That shouldn't be seen as off, or soft. How do we fix it? Especially in the age of Trump.

Jarmak
Jan 24, 2005

botany posted:

No they don't. Men among themselves are far more ready to assume a basic level of competency in others than they are if they are talking to a woman. I teach seminars, I get to witness this stuff first hand. A male student will be assumed to be baseline competent by default, until he says something dumb enough to change people's minds. A female student will usually have to work to convince people that she has understood the text at a basic level. Women are assumed to be incompetent until they have demonstrated otherwise. None of this is done with malicious intent, but it very much happens. It also has the unfortunate side-effect of being self-perpetuating, i.e., if a female student is talked to like she didn't understand something, she will likely back off and question whether she really missed something, which looks like confirmation to the person explaining to her. Thus the person explaining will feel that they were helpful and will do the same thing again next time.

Men do overexplain to other men, that is true. But at a lower rate than to women in my experience (and the experience of other lecturers that I've talked to). And women almost never do it to men.

This crap is why I usually ask women in class for help when it's a reasonable option, because usually if I tell a women "I'm loving stupid and don't understand" their response is actual concern and help instead of seeing it as an opportunity to show off how much they know.

edit: for context I'm in an electrical engineering program

BarbarianElephant
Feb 12, 2015
The fairy of forgiveness has removed your red text.

wateroverfire posted:

My fiance had a successful and highly paid career that she decided to put on hold for reasons. It pisses me off when the Wokest of the Woke people I know criticize or look down on 1) her for deciding to stay home instead of running with that and 2) me for not encouraging her to be a Strong Independant Woman.

Who exactly tells you that? Without knowing the "reasons" (kids?) it's hard to say whether they are concerned for a friend who seems to be getting isolated, or whether they are being unreasonable.

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

Talmonis posted:

Let's consider for a moment, the expectations and ideals we're supposed to fill and aspire to hold.

So called 'masculine' traits such as: Independence, strength of body, ruggedness, volitile temperment, indifference, intelligence, logic, STEM aptitude, emotional distance, leadership, ambition, competitiveness, powerful voice, athleticism, high income, sexually aggressive, sexually insatiable and more.

And then 'feminine' traits that are seen as aberrant or womanly, even homosexual in nature: Empathy, sympathy, eloquence, kindness, cleanliness, emotionally open, low income, physically inept, soft skin, soft voice, contentedness, depression, liberal arts aptitude, paternal instinct, love of children, etc.

How do we go about breaking this stuff down? It's not all negative, and certainly not limited to men (clearly women have nearly the opposite expectations). I want to see a country where both the cowboy and the nurse are seen as male roles to aspire to. Taking care of children is another big one. The biggest thing in my life is being called "Daddy!" by my little boy. That shouldn't be seen as off, or soft. How do we fix it? Especially in the age of Trump.

Live as you wish to see others live, that helps. One of the advantages of being a dude is that you have authority and command respect for your position simply by virtue of being a dude.

You can be masculinely feminine. You can demonstrate a lot of the feminine traits you desire but combine it with masculine assertiveness and borderline arrogance. It's harder if you want to really range into genderfluidity but I get along well by rejecting the majority of masculinity as antisocial bollocks and adopting traditionally feminine roles and behaviours except for the whole "second to men" bit. Stuff like empathy and a developed emotional mind are extremely valuable to anyone, but especially someone who is otherwise deprived of it by their social role, you can develop and champion that ability as a dude for your own sake as well as because it's a good thing socially.

If you raise your kids with that outlook they stand a better chance of accepting it as normal and sensible.

OwlFancier fucked around with this message at 19:44 on Dec 28, 2016

Hexmage-SA
Jun 28, 2012
DM

the trump tutelage posted:

Why is this bad? Is there something sacred about the subaltern experience?

e.
Parse what you just said.

"How can you be sure they'll be indoctrinated uncritically accept the prescribed view?"

I don't necessarily agree with it myself, but the common refrain I see with social justice discussions is that the privileged should "be quiet, listen, and believe" (unless an individual in an oppressed group disagrees with their position, in which case ignore that individual)

suck my woke dick
Oct 10, 2012

:siren:I CANNOT EJACULATE WITHOUT SEEING NATIVE AMERICANS BRUTALISED!:siren:

Put this cum-loving slave on ignore immediately!

Hexmage-SA posted:

I don't necessarily agree with it myself, but the common refrain I see with social justice discussions is that the privileged should "be quiet, listen, and believe" (unless an individual in an oppressed group disagrees with their position, in which case ignore that individual)

Because obviously privilege invalidates any and all arguments :newfap:

Harold Fjord
Jan 3, 2004

blowfish posted:

Because obviously privilege invalidates any and all arguments :newfap:

No one said this and being a tool is a good way to get all your arguments invalidated.

Blue Star
Feb 18, 2013

by FactsAreUseless

Kubrick posted:

Along with what UV_Catastrophe mentioned, the President's Counsil on Men and Boys is a good place to start: http://whitehouseboysmen.org/one-pager

"A nationwide crisis of boys and men already exists. The Commission identifies five components:

• Education. Boys are behind girls in almost every subject, especially reading and writing. Yet boy-friendly programs (e.g., recess and vocational education) are being curtailed.

• Jobs. Our sons are not being prepared for jobs where the jobs will be. Yet women rarely marry men in unemployment lines.

• Fatherlessness. A third of boys are raised in father-absent homes; yet boys and girls with significant father involvement do better in more than 25 areas.

• Physical health. Life expectancy has gone from one to five years less for males than for females, yet federal offices of boys and men’s health are non-existent.

• Emotional health. Boys’ suicide rate goes from equal to girls to five times girls’ between ages 13 and 20, as boys feel the pressures of the male role."

Not to sound heartless but...who cares? All of those sound like things that are either men's own fault, or natural consequences of biological sex differences. Maybe boys just plain aren't as smart as girls? Maybe men don't live as long as women because of innate biological reasons that lifestyle, diet, exercise, healthcare, etc. can only do so much to alleviate? Maybe boys commit suicide more often because they're more emotionally fragile and mentally weaker than girls? Girls have it tougher than boys and yet they don't commit suicide as often. i wonder why that is?

Believe me: I'm a trans woman and I know all too well that biological sex is a thing. It matters. Male human beings are different from female human beings. I'll never be a real woman. Science doesn't care about our ideals. Studies have shown that boys really do have more trouble learning than girls do, and that the reasons for this are innate and biological and frankly things that boys can't do anything about. Our world is changing and if boys get left behind, that would suck but it might be inevitable.

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

Blue Star posted:

Not to sound heartless but...who cares? All of those sound like things that are either men's own fault, or natural consequences of biological sex differences. Maybe boys just plain aren't as smart as girls? Maybe men don't live as long as women because of innate biological reasons that lifestyle, diet, exercise, healthcare, etc. can only do so much to alleviate? Maybe boys commit suicide more often because they're more emotionally fragile and mentally weaker than girls? Girls have it tougher than boys and yet they don't commit suicide as often. i wonder why that is?

Believe me: I'm a trans woman and I know all too well that biological sex is a thing. It matters. Male human beings are different from female human beings. I'll never be a real woman. Science doesn't care about our ideals. Studies have shown that boys really do have more trouble learning than girls do, and that the reasons for this are innate and biological and frankly things that boys can't do anything about. Our world is changing and if boys get left behind, that would suck but it might be inevitable.

If you are arguing that men are inherently disadvantaged then I would think the compassionate thing to do would be to adjust society so that they are not. As I trust you would expect society to adjust so that people who are systemically disadvantaged are not.

Phyzzle
Jan 26, 2008

Blue Star posted:

Believe me: I'm a trans woman and I know all too well that biological sex is a thing. It matters. Male human beings are different from female human beings. I'll never be a real woman.

Huh. I guess trans issues fit in this thread, so I'll ask: wouldn't virtually any feminist, or virtually any other trans woman, ferociously disagree with you on that?

Guy Goodbody
Aug 31, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo

Pellisworth posted:

I don't but would be really interested in reading some good articles on it.

There's also a lot of racism, ageism, body shaming that goes on. MASC4MASC no fems fats or asians under 30 only.

Of course that's not true everywhere and for all of the subcultures but in my experience there's a lot of really unhealthy pressures and attitudes.

What's wrong with making you preferences in partners clear? If somebody has zero romantic/sexual interest in overweight people, why is it a problem for them to say so when they're looking for a romantic/sexual partner?

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

by Azathoth

Blue Star posted:

Girls have it tougher than boys and yet they don't commit suicide as often. i wonder why that is?

I could be wrong, but I'm fairly sure that women are much more likely to attempt suicide more often than men, but use less effective methods such as overdosing or cutting verses firearms or jumping that men are more likely to use. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention says that the difference is as much as women being 3 times more likely to try to kill them selves but men being as much as 4 times more likely to actually die from it. So I'm not sure you can make any concrete conclusions on either gender's psychological resilience based on suicide statistics alone.

Badger of Basra
Jul 26, 2007

Guy Goodbody posted:

What's wrong with making you preferences in partners clear? If somebody has zero romantic/sexual interest in overweight people, why is it a problem for them to say so when they're looking for a romantic/sexual partner?

You don't have to respond to their messages but it just makes you look like an rear end in a top hat to say NO BLACK GUYS in a public space where everyone can see it.

Harold Fjord
Jan 3, 2004
http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/12/so-you-got-called-out-on-facebook/

This is really good and everyone should read it. :)

Guavanaut
Nov 27, 2009

Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998



Toilet Rascal

Blue Star posted:

Girls have it tougher than boys and yet they don't commit suicide as often. i wonder why that is?
I think a big part of that is that, directly or indirectly, boys are constantly told that they need to make the tough decisions and man the fort, whereas girls are told that they don't really own their own bodies and shouldn't show themselves up. Ending one's own life has been spoken of as the ultimate act of self ownership by some philosophers.

That's why suicidality in men more often takes the form of feeling that they've exhausted all reasonable options and are choosing to end it all, whereas women are more likely to 'ask permission' in the form of parasuicides, suicidal gestures not intended to be fatal. And then they often end up in the coercive/abusive systems of treatment for that, as a result of being 'attempted suicides'.

I don't think either of those outcomes are good, and we should be looking at the root overall causes, alienation, poverty, debt, etc. that drive people to those ends, because the alternatives (that we start telling boys they don't own their bodies or we accept increased female suicide as a sign of equality or we over-medicalize the whole thing) are all really gross.

Phyzzle posted:

Huh. I guess trans issues fit in this thread, so I'll ask: wouldn't virtually any feminist, or virtually any other trans woman, ferociously disagree with you on that?
There are a group of second wave feminists who are transphobic as all hell and seem to have a bully pulpit from the British press for it as a result of being good on women's rights a few decades ago. Most newer feminists either distance themselves from them or try to only focus on the good they did (which might be yeah-buttery), but I'm not sure about more traditional feminists.

Colin Mockery
Jun 24, 2007
Rawr



Guy Goodbody posted:

What's wrong with making you preferences in partners clear? If somebody has zero romantic/sexual interest in overweight people, why is it a problem for them to say so when they're looking for a romantic/sexual partner?

There's a difference between "No thanks, i'm not interested" and "All fat people are unattractive".

Additionally, when you broaden that into talking about race ("All black people are unattractive"), you start edging into really uncomfortable territory because people of the same ethnicity can look very, very different. If you're unwilling to date a black person, would you break up with someone after two days because you thought she was white but it turns out she has a black grandparent and considers herself mixed-race? And if you wouldn't, how do you think it'd go down if you told her "I don't normally date black people but you don't look or act black so I'm making an exception"?

Further, when you say "overweight", you may mean something that other people don't, which just needlessly thins your dating pool by pre-emptively rejecting people who may consider themselves overweight but that you wouldn't (I'm assuming you mean "someone who is so overweight that it impacts their ability to do fun activities" or "someone who is obese", and not "someone who is around average but insecure about their weight" or "an athlete who has a lot of muscle", but even people with an extra 20 pounds can carry it in very different ways and look very different). To say "I'm not interested in overweight people" is to tell people "if you think you are overweight, I'm not interested, no exceptions".

I'm not attracted to bald men, in general, but I would hesitate to say that all bald men are inherently unattractive (or even that they're unattractive at all, regardless of my personal preference) or that I would never date them. I would most definitely not go around telling bald strangers I'd never met "I'd never date you because you're too unattractive" because that's a good way to come across as a judgemental rear end in a top hat.

Popoi
Jul 23, 2000

Guy Goodbody posted:

What's wrong with making you preferences in partners clear? If somebody has zero romantic/sexual interest in overweight people, why is it a problem for them to say so when they're looking for a romantic/sexual partner?
Preferences aren't formed in a vacuum. If one guy says "Hey I'm not that in to asian guys" it's probably not worth worrying too much about. If it's a substantial majority of guys, it seems likely there's something going on culturally that's worth pushing back against.

DeadlyMuffin
Jul 3, 2007


Blue Star posted:

Not to sound heartless but...who cares? All of those sound like things that are either men's own fault, or natural consequences of biological sex differences. Maybe boys just plain aren't as smart as girls? Maybe men don't live as long as women because of innate biological reasons that lifestyle, diet, exercise, healthcare, etc. can only do so much to alleviate? Maybe boys commit suicide more often because they're more emotionally fragile and mentally weaker than girls? Girls have it tougher than boys and yet they don't commit suicide as often. i wonder why that is?

This is a bunch of :biotruths: bullshit that would rightfully get shouted down as nonsense if it were about women instead of men.

Blue Star posted:

Believe me: I'm a trans woman and I know all too well that biological sex is a thing. It matters. Male human beings are different from female human beings. I'll never be a real woman.

I'm a trans woman and I'm a real woman, thanks.

Men and women are different, sure, but I think it's ignorant in the extreme to simply turn around and try and blame all discrepancies between the genders on that, simply because men now lag women in some respects.

How is that any better from some rear end in a top hat saying "maybe women are just inherently inferior at math and engineering" when talking about the gender discrepancies in STEM careers?

Edit: I feel like I'm missing a joke where someone took an MRA rant and swapped genders

DeadlyMuffin fucked around with this message at 23:18 on Dec 28, 2016

The Kingfish
Oct 21, 2015


DeadlyMuffin posted:

This is a bunch of :biotruths: bullshit that would rightfully get shouted down as nonsense if it were about women instead of men.

You are right that it would be shouted down instantly, but get this: maybe that isn't a good thing??

Patrick Spens
Jul 21, 2006

"Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"
Pillbug

DeadlyMuffin posted:


How is that any better from some rear end in a top hat saying "maybe women are just inherently inferior at math and engineering" when talking about the gender discrepancies in STEM careers?

Charitably, if you believe that society is generally set up to advantage men over women, situations where women are beating out men are necessarily situation where women are better then men, but the reverse is not true.

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Vindicator
Jul 23, 2007

The whole "yeah we currently know all that we can ever know about boys and men, who cares" is hosed. We care because we have to share a planet, and because there's a whole loving tangle of sociocultural gender dynamics that aren't going to unravel themselves. I want everyone to have the greatest opportunity to thrive possible. So if boys aren't thriving in education, that matters. If they're killing themselves, that matters. We owe it to everyone that comes after us to work on figuring this stuff out.

That 'real woman' stuff is a product of living in a cisnormative culture. It's troubling to see that internalized, and it's a reminder that there is still work to do.

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