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like so many people say things online and on social media and in person and frankly it's just tiring having to tell all these people i don't care |
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Dec 29, 2016 21:24
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Mom: So they're not sure how long he'll be in surgery but your father wanted me to tell yo---- Me: oh my GOD i don't care |
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Dec 29, 2016 21:26
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Bae: I think i might be pregnant Me: *snoring* Bae: Honey i'm 2 weeks late on my period Me: *snoring* Bae: This is serious Me: *snoring* Bae: I know you're not asleep. You're driving. Me: UGGGGGGGH |
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Dec 29, 2016 21:28
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So we think this is a competitive contract, we do retain some marketing rights but its standard with all our offers. "UGH" I understand... I can probably add a little to this but to make the project cash flow there's not much room we have here. "I don't care" Listen we really want you on this project but we need you to meet us halfway on these numbers. I don't often relinquish marketing rights but if it will bring you in on the project I'd probably be able to pull some strings. *epic roll-eyes and sigh* Glad to have you on board! (Wow what a skilled negotiator)
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Dec 29, 2016 22:31
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"I do." "I do. not give a poo poo"
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Dec 29, 2016 22:38
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Stranger: "what do you think of the current conflict in whocaresistan?" Me: "what do you think tastes better? Brazilian food or Indian food?" |
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Dec 29, 2016 22:45
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*Groggily wakes up and answers the phone* "Hello?" A garbled voice says "We have your daughter. If you want to see her again we demand one million dollars in non-consecutive unmarked bills to be delivered to-" "Look, I'm trying to sleep here. I work hard. Let that little trouble maker know she can get kidnapped on her own time. Oh, and tell her she had better be home by curfew if she knows what is good for her." "Umm, but.." *Hangs up*
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Dec 29, 2016 22:54
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nurse: now this is very strong medication, you shouldn't drive or operate heavy machinery while you-- me: [appears to be nodding at what nurse is saying but actually nodding in time to ac/dc song playing in my head] |
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Dec 29, 2016 23:14
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man "sir have you tried-" me "I'm gonna have to stop you right there cochise, you see I really dont -" man "pancake sausage corndogs?" me *swirls inward upon self like a neutron star* |
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Dec 29, 2016 23:15
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allstate agent: sir, i'm going to need you to pick a beneficiary in the event of your death or disability. me: mmhmm allstate agent: this is the person who will get the money if you are unable to work. it should be someone important to you. me: yep, i know, just show me where to sign. allstate agent: you don't have anyone? parents, a spouse, nobody? me: yeah, i know a few people. allstate agent: just give me a name. me: *does cool drum solo portion of In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins* allstate agent: *sighs, writes own name into block* sign here, please me: *signs, walks out while singing* ---------------- |
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Dec 29, 2016 23:17
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doctor: I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news. the results were positive. me: so? doc: there is some treatment we can do, but it's very expensive... me: *yawns, eyes rolling* doc: um. the treatment's painful and, in the end, will make, uh, little difference me: whjatver doc: either way, you only have a few weeks, at best. I'm so sorry. me: *looks at clock pointedly* are you done blathering yet?
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Dec 29, 2016 23:20
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doctor: your EEG results came back, and you're showing signs of epilepsy. me: huh? what, yeah, okay doc. doctor: this means you need to stay hydrated and fed and avoid flashing lights. me: *answers phone* hang on a second, i really have to take this. i'm finalizing my set for burning man. i'm opening for tiesto, my band is "strobe light assault deathfuck" doctor: that's the worst possible thing you could do. me: if you shut up, i'll get you tickets. ---------------- |
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Dec 29, 2016 23:24
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redneck nazgul posted:doctor: this means you need to stay hydrated and fed and avoid flashing lights. lol
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Dec 30, 2016 00:48
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John Mayer: And now for a very special part of my concerts that I like to do. I'd like to call someone up and sing to them. You there, in the happy pig avatar, come on up Me: *slowly makes way up to stage, exaggerating every bit of effort it takes* Me: Can we hurry this up, Jim? I'm expecting a text soon. |
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Dec 30, 2016 00:57
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*tries to think of a funny not caring post* "Whatever" *hits reply* |
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Dec 30, 2016 01:44
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Me: Mom, dad.... I'm gay. They: You gay so what. |
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Dec 30, 2016 03:42
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liam neeson: If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. kidnappers:... meh 
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Dec 30, 2016 05:46
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what's the point of caring about anything? what's the point of explaning the point of caring about anything? does it matter? I don't care |
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Dec 30, 2016 05:47
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e: i don't even care Macnult fucked around with this message at 06:14 on Dec 30, 2016 |
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Dec 30, 2016 06:11
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Welcome everyone to this official meeting of the not-giving-a-gently caress-club. Lets skip over the minutes from last week as I truly do not give one poo poo about them and move right on to the election, are there any nominees to be the new president of the not-giving-a-gently caress-club. *two hours of intermittent exasperated sighs, mobile game sounds, and snoring before everyone just goes home*
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Dec 30, 2016 06:29
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*dies of starvation right next to fridge. tried to write, "ehh. gently caress it," but couldn't find the gumption*
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Dec 30, 2016 07:06
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Tonight on Cake Wars, Chelsea shocks the judges when she keeps saying "I could not give less of a gently caress about any of this baking poo poo" while opening and pouring bags of flour into the garbage
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Dec 30, 2016 07:24
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FutonForensic posted:Tonight on Cake Wars, Chelsea shocks the judges when she keeps saying "I could not give less of a gently caress about any of this baking poo poo" while opening and pouring bags of flour into the garbage |
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Dec 30, 2016 07:34
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FutonForensic posted:Tonight on Cake Wars, Chelsea shocks the judges when she keeps saying "I could not give less of a gently caress about any of this baking poo poo" while opening and pouring bags of flour into the garbage |
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Dec 30, 2016 10:29
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FutonForensic posted:Tonight on Cake Wars, Chelsea shocks the judges when she keeps saying "I could not give less of a gently caress about any of this baking poo poo" while opening and pouring bags of flour into the garbage sky cake!! ---------------- |
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Dec 30, 2016 10:38
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Sister: *holding infant*meet your niece (shaylor, or something?)! Me:b uh, hi...*turns back around to stare blanky at wall 3" in front of face* |
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Dec 30, 2016 11:33
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*Looks out the window and notices a couple of people that obviously have been going door to door all morning trying to convert people to their religion as the doorbell rings* "Excuse me, have you heard-" "Not interested." "Umm, have you heard that your house is on fire?" "Not interested." *Closes door and lays down in the flames*
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Dec 30, 2016 12:15
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st. peter: "welcome to the gates of heaven, android blues! you'll be welcomed in eternal paradise if can answer me these holy riddles three. don't worry, they're extra easy! okay, so..." me: *looking at st peter with terminator vision overlay that says BORING and 100% DONT CARE in cool green font as the trapdoor to hell edges open beneath my feet* |
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Dec 30, 2016 12:22
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satan: "welcome to hell, android blues! i'm going to torture you for a really long time. like, forever, maybe! and in bad ways!"  me: *yawning and making jack off motion next to the yawn so it looks like im jacking the dick off into the yawn* satan: aw c'mon, gross |
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Dec 30, 2016 12:26
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satan is really cheesed off because he devised a bunch of custom tortures for me and im texting while he saws my legs off and glues them onto a pig and says that because i lived like a pig, my legs are a pig's now. im not even looking at it. im texting about GMOs |
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Dec 30, 2016 12:30
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doctor: congratulations your wife gave birth to a healthy blah blah blah me: who the gently caress is this guy |
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Dec 30, 2016 13:09
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Android Blues posted:st. peter: "welcome to the gates of heaven, android blues! you'll be welcomed in eternal paradise if can answer me these holy riddles three. don't worry, they're extra easy! okay, so..." Android Blues posted:satan: "welcome to hell, android blues! i'm going to torture you for a really long time. like, forever, maybe! and in bad ways!" Android Blues posted:satan is really cheesed off because he devised a bunch of custom tortures for me and im texting while he saws my legs off and glues them onto a pig and says that because i lived like a pig, my legs are a pig's now. im not even looking at it. im texting about GMOs lol Farecoal posted:doctor: congratulations your wife gave birth to a healthy blah blah blah lmao |
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Dec 30, 2016 13:20
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Follow my new reality show in the vein of Bear Grylls and Survivorman, where i'm airdropped into a hostile environment with no resources and only some simple equipment, and spend the full runtime sulkily pointing at mountains, trees, glaciers etc. while saying "what the hell is any of this poo poo," walk around kicking futile trails in the snow, and within ten minutes lie down in the foetal position to die. |
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Dec 30, 2016 13:32
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I'm back every week somehow. Nobody knows how. The last 20 minutes of each show I'm usually solid dead and sometimes animals even eat me. |
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Dec 30, 2016 13:33
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"Come on down! You're the next contestant on The Price Is Right!!!" *Falls out of chair, rolls down the aisle, lays next to the end of the contestants row* "Zero dollars Drew."
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Dec 30, 2016 14:19
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my engineer partner in the inventing lab: holy poo poo manifisto you've done it, you've actually turned this keurig into a device that can produce a limitless supply of oil from nothing, you've saved humanity, we're going to be billionaires, just imagine-- me, rolling eyes: goddammit I'm not getting my hazelnut decaf am I
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Dec 30, 2016 14:30
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Please, Mr. President. Just attend one briefing. That's all. Please. |
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Dec 30, 2016 14:41
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me: *pinches bridge of nose* just stop. stop. I don't care. I could not physically, literally care less, so just stop asking me questions guy: sir this is a mcdonalds drivethru
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Dec 30, 2016 15:35
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Hey, did you guys just say you're going to storm the cockpit? Would you mind storming some more ice into my drink while you're up? |
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Dec 30, 2016 16:31
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 05:15 |
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google THIS posted:Hey, did you guys just say you're going to storm the cockpit? Would you mind storming some more ice into my drink while you're up? Ughhhhhhh now i won't make my connecting flight |
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Dec 30, 2016 18:24
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