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It's time once again to say gently caress you to your e/n threads about FYAD meme Warhammer 40K self-insertion fanfiction, because welcome to Twenty-One Player poo poo-Talking Chutes and Ladders: An Exciting Up and Down Game For Little Goons Well, the first one seemed to go okay. Welcome! This is a thread where people play a boardgame. It is not a board game where the players have much, if any, input into their playing of the game. In fact, you are here mostly to talk poo poo about the moral fiber, gaming ability and general life skills of your opponents and shitpost your way to glory. Quite literally, this time, as the object of the game is to overcome the moral pitfalls of the life of a child of the late seventies and climb your way to Square 100 at the top of the game board, and to tell the thread exactly why your opponents can't. Before we continue and before you sign up, read the rules. Read them. Rules v. 1.1: 1. The players consist of twenty-one goons, divided into seven teams of three (Team Charity, Team Chastity, Team Diligence, Team Humility, Team Kindness, Team Patience, Team Temperance) 1a. In order to facilitate signups, please indicate your team of first choice with your signup post. If that team is full by the time your name is reached, you will be shuffled at random into one of the other teams. 1b. We are aware that the flags and colors provided for each team in this game are non-representative at best and nonsensical at worst. Generic emblems were used for several reasons, including the fact that flags can represent more than one thing. More will be explained about this as we go on. 2. A standard Chutes and Ladders board is used. In this case, the 1979 edition. It is sitting on my dining room table. Photos of the board and dice rolls will be posted to the thread to keep everyone in the loop as the game proceeds. 2a. Instead of the spinner included with the game (which allows players to move up to six spaces in a single unladdered, unchuted move) the distance each player moves will be determined by the roll of a twelve-sided die. 3. There are two goals: 3a. One, to be the overall champion, to be better than the other 20 chumps who weren't pure enough to make it to Square 100 before you. 3b. Additionally, the best team will be determined by seeing which of the seven teams can bring all three of its members to Square 100 first. 4. Because suffering builds character but makes for an incredibly boring game the official rules can get pegged in a room. 4a. Thus, the rule that one must land exactly on the Square 100 to have reached the top of the board can be safely ignored. 5. On a given turn, each player will be rolled a die and moved "simultaneously," that is, where each player ends their turn is considered to have been reached at the same point in time. 5a. This obviously leads to the concept of a tie. Two players can occupy the same space on the board without issue. However, there will be only one individual winner. 5b. If two or more players are the first to reach the final square and do so during the same turn, they will be sent back to Square 91. The first player to cross the line must do so alone. 6. Barring emergencies or the inability to give a drat, there will be 1-2 moves per day. Probably. 7. Each team will be granted certain bonuses to allow them to reach the top of the board more quickly. 7a. The first of these is the Joker, because I've watched far too many ridiculous British game shows. Between turns, any player may use their team's Joker by posting ##Joker in the thread. It must be in that format, or it will be ignored. 7a.a. When a Joker is used, it benefits the team who played it by doubling the values of the dice rolled for all three players for that turn. Only one Joker may be played for each team in a single turn. 7a.b. Each team begins play with a single Joker. However, when play begins, additional Challenges will be made available, allowing motivated teams to earn more Jokers. 7a.c. Trust me. You want to earn more Jokers. 7a.d. Additionally, in a fairly-sizeable change from the previous game, each player on a team may now submit a response to a challenge, resulting in each joker challenge being worth up to three jokers for your team. 7b. Secondly, each player may only encounter the effects of each individual penalty square once. If, for example, after I have landed on Square 64 and ridden my bicycle with no hands and a sweet Afro, thus loving up my arm and landing on Square 60, if I land on Square 64 again, I will instead remain there. I can, however, encounter the effects of any reward square as many times as the dice indicate, climb up as many ladders as I am able to. 7b.a. Let's call this the Plumpy Amendment. Nobody likes hangin' with Plumpy. 7c. Additionally, there is a bonus we're calling the Slot Machine Bonus, because I never rolled one in testing, and I'm interested to see if it comes up again. If, as in a slot machine that comes up 777, the three members of a team all roll the same number on a single turn, that value is doubled for those three players. If that happens to be on a turn where your team has used a Joker, those bonuses will stack, allowing you to move up to 48 squares in a single, ridiculous move. 7d. Furthermore and finally, as if all that were not enough, there is one further bonus. 7d.a. Look carefully at this collection of dice:  7d.b. These are 40 unique, individually-colored twelve-sided dice. Each player's die will be drawn from this collection at random each turn. Look now at this individual die from that group of 40:  7d.c. This is the Golden Die. As implied above, there is only one die of this color in the game. Whichever player rolls the golden die automatically doubles the value of their roll for that turn. If that happens to be a player whose team is using a Joker that turn, they individually receive the same 4x bonus as if they landed the Slot Machine Bonus with a Joker. Similarly, the player with a golden die on a team that rolls the Slot Machine Bonus individually receives a 4x bonus. 7d.d. If, somehow, a player whose team rolls a Joker Slot Machine Bonus happens to be using the Golden Die at the time, their entire team moves a full eight times the number of squares marked on the dice. A Golden Joker Slot Machine Bonus for 12 would result in a team moving a full 96 squares in a single turn. Which would be hilarious.  8. This is Rosemary. Rosemary is majestically fluffy. Rosemary is also kind of dumb, because like all cats, she has a brain approximately the size of a walnut. Rosemary likes sitting on things. There is a very good chance she will sit on the game board at some point during this competition. 8a. If Rosemary sits on the board and dislodges pieces or even knocks them to the carpet, the piece will be placed on the board on the nearest available valid square. This may be a help (if the piece moves towards the window) or a hindrance (if the piece moves towards the kitchen.) 8b. The Rosemary Rule applies equally to Meyer, who is smarter than Rosemary, but still not that smart. 9. There will be some setup time between recruiting all seven teams and actually beginning play while playing pieces are constructed. This should not exceed a day or two at most. 10. This game will be conducted in two phases. More information will be provided when the first phase is complete. 11. Posting "didn't read rules/thread" or some variation thereof when you attempt to sign up ensures you will not be assigned a team. If this has happened to you, you will have to apologize for your arrogance and ignorance in-thread to be assigned a team before they are all full if you expect to play. Also, naturally, you'll have to read the rules to see this rule. 12. Posting either the yarg or gary emote is a real bad idea. 12. If you do not talk poo poo about your opponents, you are probably boring. Don't be boring. 13. We know this game is broken as hell, just roll with it. Rules are, of course, subject to change if they are preventing the game from completing in a reasonable manner. TEAMS   TEAM CHARITY 1. MMM Whatchya Say 2. Alasdair Crawfish 3. Meinberg TEAM CHASTITY 1. peramene 2. BottleKnight 3. chaoslord   TEAM DILIGENCE 1. redneck nazgul 2. AnonymousNarcotics 3. UnCO3 TEAM HUMILITY 1. Infinitum 2. GulagDolls 3. Podima   TEAM KINDNESS 1. Absurd Revolver 2. CCKeane 3. bowmore TEAM PATIENCE 1. Asiina 2. Krunge 3. PMush Perfect  TEAM TEMPERANCE 1. Moatillata 2. EXAKT Science 3. SLASHER HAWKE hexwren fucked around with this message at 19:31 on Dec 30, 2016 |
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Dec 30, 2016 04:28
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signing on for team kindness
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Dec 30, 2016 04:30
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signing on for team chastity for obvious reasons
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Dec 30, 2016 04:31
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I am signing up for Team Chastity.
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Dec 30, 2016 04:32
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Team Patience because blue is objectively the best colour.
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Dec 30, 2016 04:32
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TEAM TEMPERANCE ITS A PERFECT FIT
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Dec 30, 2016 04:39
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whoa sorry bout the caps y'all
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Dec 30, 2016 04:39
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temperance because bike go fast
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Dec 30, 2016 04:42
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Make me team kindness because I'm going to make a lovely coat as I tear the flesh from your body.
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Dec 30, 2016 04:47
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I am extremely humble.
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Dec 30, 2016 04:49
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Like I don't mean to brag, but if you're not on Team Humility.. Well.. you're nowhere near as good as we are.
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Dec 30, 2016 04:51
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team humility
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Dec 30, 2016 04:51
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Infinitum posted:I am extremely humble. Your complete lack of skills, talents, or positive personal characteristics really give you a natural advantage in the field.
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Dec 30, 2016 04:52
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CCKeane posted:Make me team kindness because I'm going to make a lovely coat as I tear the flesh from your body. this is hot as hell
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Dec 30, 2016 04:53
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CCKeane posted:Your complete lack of skills, talents, or positive personal characteristics really give you a natural advantage in the field. What team are you on again you fuckin hack of a mafia player? Wait n/m I honestly don't give a poo poo
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Dec 30, 2016 04:55
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peramene posted:this is hot as hell chastity, darling
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Dec 30, 2016 04:55
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BottleKnight posted:chastity, darling poo poo.
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Dec 30, 2016 04:55
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Shortlist me for the following teams: Charity, Chastity, Humility
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Dec 30, 2016 04:57
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Alright you swamp-assed oval office waffles are you ready to loving use your big boy words? Or are you afraid to hurt peoples feeeeeeellllinnnnnggggssss cause they'll make a tumblr post about it? Cause this is poo poo-talking chutes and ladders and it's time to offend some delicate sensibilities you bunch of semen chugging whore mongers.
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Dec 30, 2016 04:58
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MMM Whatchya Say posted:Shortlist me for the following teams: Charity, Chastity, Humility Please pick one.
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Dec 30, 2016 04:58
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team chastity brain trust meeting do we let him in, sara
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Dec 30, 2016 04:59
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i'm in
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Dec 30, 2016 05:00
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Infinitum posted:Alright you swamp-assed oval office waffles are you ready to loving use your big boy words? are the whores producing the semen we are chugging? just for clarity's sake
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Dec 30, 2016 05:00
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team kindness please
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Dec 30, 2016 05:01
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BottleKnight posted:team chastity brain trust meeting there's only one reasonable way to settle this: what kind of fish is elite forums user bottleknight, mmm??
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Dec 30, 2016 05:01
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Also I am tempted to message people from the previous game, but,  Please contact your favorite teammates/enemies from the previous game and invite them to this one.
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Dec 30, 2016 05:02
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please no
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Dec 30, 2016 05:02
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what type of fish am i people are dying to know
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Dec 30, 2016 05:03
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I will produce any needed semen pERAMENE
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Dec 30, 2016 05:03
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peramene posted:are the whores producing the semen we are chugging? just for clarity's sake The whores are your team mates You are literally just a human centipede of inbreeding
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Dec 30, 2016 05:03
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Infinitum posted:The whores are your team mates figuratively, infinitum. figuratively.
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Dec 30, 2016 05:04
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bowmore posted:team kindness please We could have been da champs Bowmore, but you chose the losing side
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Dec 30, 2016 05:04
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MMM Whatchya Say posted:please no this is but the first cry for relief i will evoke from my foes and/or potential allies and the game hasn't even started yet Infinitum posted:The whores are your team mates team chastity, full of whores. i love it. incidentally i am merely the centerpiece of the centipede, you are the third
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Dec 30, 2016 05:06
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peramene posted:this is but the first cry for relief i will evoke from my foes and/or potential allies and the game hasn't even started yet hot peramene posted:team chastity, full of whores. i love it. does this make me the head
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Dec 30, 2016 05:07
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BottleKnight posted:what type of fish am i have i not already done you
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Dec 30, 2016 05:07
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BottleKnight posted:hot forums user quidnose is the head, which is ironic, considering
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Dec 30, 2016 05:07
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peramene posted:this is but the first cry for relief i will evoke from my foes and/or potential allies and the game hasn't even started yet BottleKnight posted:hot I do not well understand that. Will you play upon this pipe? 
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Dec 30, 2016 05:07
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I'll be back later, cause I'm going out for a BBQ with my mates, unlike you shut-ins. 1 spot left for Team Awesome Humility Bros
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Dec 30, 2016 05:09
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Anyway I am going to join a fresh new team, Charity
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Dec 30, 2016 05:09
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MMM Whatchya Say posted:have i not already done you you have not already done i
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Dec 30, 2016 05:09
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