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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


Gavok posted:

A blue Punjabi penis would not be family friendly.

Just film his first video from the waist up, have somebody look down, gulp and Khali gives a little smile and says,"Is that better?" and the camera pulls back to reveal he has spontaneously generated baggy pants that hide his tiny legs.

Also hire Kevin Nash as the mysterious Mr. Oz

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Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Rodney the Piper posted:

does this mean more archibald peck, because that's all i really care about

Archie works for WWE now.

MassRafTer
May 26, 2001

Fundamentals as sound as the WNBA

The idea sounded really dumb when I heard it but you know what, CHIKARA doesn't have much going for it right now so why not. I'd imagine Quack is such a stickler for continuity that he wouldn't tape out of order either!

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

Gavok posted:

Archie works for WWE now.

Good for him.

That season 17 skip is quite a thing to do. With no announcements or anything. But, Ultramantis BLACK is the grand champion, so it's got that going for it.

Wazzu fucked around with this message at Feb 5, 2017 around 03:46

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


MassRafTer posted:

The idea sounded really dumb when I heard it but you know what, CHIKARA doesn't have much going for it right now so why not. I'd imagine Quack is such a stickler for continuity that he wouldn't tape out of order either!

Pretty much. While they've been fine for the past couple of years, I feel like they've become stagnate with Lucha Underground eating their lunch (which makes sense, since they have known lunch-eater Johnny Mundo). They needed something interesting to stand out, especially after taking such a roster hit. But in the end, it's not like it's hurting anything. It's a stunt to get more Chikaratopia subscriptions and they're still putting on shows for this year, so it's not like they're doing anything counterproductive.

DC Comics did the same thing about ten years ago and it was their creative swansong.

Anyway, here are the results from all of today's shows. Not too much detail because it's over six hours of stuff:

Season 17: Tabula Rasa

- Mr. Touchdown tries to make amends with Dasher Hatfield by giving him his title shot. Dasher refuses, but the two eventually talk things through and decide to go back to being the Throwbacks.

- The Closers (Hornswoggle's security) defeat the Colony (Fire Ant and Silver Ant).

- Jeremy Leary and Lucas Calhoun end up getting double disqualified. Afterwards, Leary cuts off a chunk of Calhoun's hair and puts it in a baggy.

- Sea Stars defeat a couple of jobbers in red and blue masks with the Chikara logo on them.

- UltraMantis defeats Frightmare. Hallowicked tries to interfere, but Icarus appears out of nowhere and fights him off.

- Juan Francisco and Wani defeat newcomers The Xyberhawx2000

- Hallowicked defeats Mr. Touchdown thanks to Touchdown's knee blowing out.

- In the post-credits, Icarus is shown watching from the "rafters" like Sting.

Season 17: Orientation

- There's a scene of Kimber Lee going to a barber. We don't see the barber, but he has a silver skull propped up in the shop. He asks her about how things have been and the segment ends right before she can get into it.

- Missile Assault Man defeats one of the masked jobbers.

- Solo Darling gets advice from Kimber Lee for her match against the Proletariat Boar. When it comes to the match, the Boar overpowers her and chooses to beat her up excessively instead of trying to actually win. The referee, Travis, disqualifies the Boar since that's against the rules. The Boar shoves him and Travis removes his shirt and tries to fight back. Boar beats him down and is eventually warded off by Kimber Lee.

- Dasher Hatfield defeats Heidi Lovelace.

- Dez Peloton defeat Los Ice Creams after they all collide in the center of the ring and one of the bicycle guys landed on one of the Ice Creams for a pin. Dez Peloton had a hilarious pre-match promo leading into this.

- Rock Lobster vs. Ophidian ends in a double count-out with both too hurt to make it back into the ring.

- Hallowicked and Frightmare defeat the Batiri, who wanted revenge for the whole mind-control/Nazmaldun storyline. Afterwards, Hallowicked brutalize Kodama repeatedly. Kobald shows up, but chooses not to save Kodama and instead walks away. Obaryon helps carry Kodama out of the arena and now Kodama is on the company's alumni page.

- After the credits, Travis Huckabee confronts Quackenbush, hands him his ref shirt and declares himself ready.

Season 17: Left Behind

- Hype Rockwell confronts Race Jaxon over leaving him high and dry at the end of last season. Race wasn't happy with Hype accidentally hitting him a couple times, but tries to make peace in the smarmiest way. The two agree to get back on the same page, but shake hands a little too hard.

- Ophidian is shown on a park bench, having a one-way conversation with someone about their history and how what happened isn't the other person's fault.

- Officer Warren Barksdale defeats Hermit Crab by disqualification after Cajun Crawdad gets involved. Afterwards, the Crab People handcuff Barksdale and beat him up while Quack commentates that Barksdale has nobody to back him up.

- Kobald cuts a crazed, Gollum-like promo about how Nazmaldun's voice is gone from his head and now he feels so alone. He then defeats a masked jobber.

- Fire Ant defeats newcomer Razerhawk. Afterwards, the two shake hands.

- Sonny Defarge goes to the barbershop and asks to look more dashing while refusing to remove his hat.

- Sea Stars and Solo Darling defeat Kimber Lee and Los Ice Creams when a guy in a shiny skull mask appears behind the entrance curtain to distract Kimber Lee. Kimber Lee is rolled up by Solo and then wanders towards the back for answers.

- Travis Huckabee defeats Nytehawk.

- Crummels and Defarge defeat NRG by count-out. Race leaves at one point and while Hype is fighting on the outside, Race shoves over a big piece of the arena's display and it lands on Hype. Race just glares at him from above. Officials run out to see to Hype and he's currently on the alumni page on the site.

- Post-credits, we see that Ophidian is talking to Amasis' mask. Ophidian swears that he'll bring war to Hallowicked and bring Amasis peace.

SIX UNSEEN WRESTLING SHOWS LATER...

Season 18: National Pro Wrestling Day

- YLC: Space Monkey defeats Delmi Exo, Ashley Vox and Merlok. Merlok is a fat fish guy who's treated as a beast. He singlehandedly defeats both of the Sea Stars via Emerald Fusion.

- YLC: Cornelius Crummels defeats Cajun Crawdad, Evertt Connors and Razerhawk. Connors appears to be from outside the company, but he had a great gimmick that involved carrying around a cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber.

- YLC: Travis Huckabee defeated Travis Gordon, Fly Warrior and Sonny Defarge. Afterwards, it's shown that he and Solo Darling are seemingly an item.

- YLC: The Whisper defeats Sylverhawk, Steven Mainz and Hermit Crab. The Whisper comes to the ring in the shiny skull mask that distracted Kimber Lee in Season 17. He's all dark and emo and carries a yo-yo for some reason.

- Race Jaxon defeats Missile Assault Man. Jaxon now has a Rick Martel gimmick.

- Hallowicked, Frightmare and Kobald defeat the Colony (Fire Ant, Silver Ant and Soldier Ant). Frightmare puts Worker Ant in a modified sleeper/choke while his partners lay out the rest of the Colony. This goes on for a few moments until the Sea Stars and Icarus chase them off. Icarus is now wearing a trench coat.

I should note that Hallowicked's team ambushed the Colony to start the match, so it didn't seem too odd that Hallowicked didn't have the championship with him.

- YLC: Space Monkey defeats Crummels.

- YLC: Whisper defeats Travis Huckabee. With the ref distracted, Whisper hits him in the junk with the yo-yo and then pins him.

- Chuck Taylor TM comes out to sing for a bit, mainly to make the crowd happy after 1) the lack of intermission and 2) the England King of Trios announcement.

- The Force (Officer Warren Barksdale and Officer Bruno Meloni) defeat the Closers. The Force bring out a dog dressed up as a police officer named Officer Magnum and he has his own profile page on the website. The Force are awarded their third point despite this being the first time we've ever seen Meloni, which is the moment when some of the people in the crowd start to realize that something's up.

- Juan Francisco makes Dasher Hatfield tap out.

- UltraMantis Black walks to the ring to cut a promo. He makes it seem like it's about returning from retirement and going after Hallowicked, but he opens his robe to reveal that he's already wearing the Grand Championship. He swears that he'll be unstoppable from here on out.

- YLC: Space Monkey defeats Whisper.

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS


God this is such a confusing mess.

RealFoxy
May 11, 2011

Band-aids don't fix arrow wounds


KungFu Grip posted:

God this is such a confusing mess.
Season 20, Welcome to the Nu 52

Germansimp
May 28, 2013


Not even gonna bother with those results, because Holy poo poo, but

Gavok posted:

Archie works for WWE now.

when did that happen?

Skinty McEdger
Mar 9, 2008

I have NEVER received the respect I deserve as the leader and founder of The Masterflock, the internet's largest and oldest Christopher Masterpiece fan group in all of history, and I DEMAND that changes. From now on, you will respect Skinty McEdger!



Long term Chikara booking? Whatever could go wrong, it's all gone so flawlessly in the past.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.


Xyberhawx

El Gallinero Gros
Mar 17, 2010


I assume Archie's job is as a ref or TV employee or something?

hyper from Pixie Sticks
Sep 28, 2004



He's a writer, I think.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

Karma.


Chikara time jump and secret season is cool as hell and anyone who doesn't like it is a bad person

Jay 2K Winger
Oct 10, 2007

What are you looking for?

Yeah, people can roll their eyes and piss and moan about Quack (and let's face it, people will, regardless), but in the end, Chikara has always been a vehicle for him to try to find new ways of telling stories within the wrestling medium. And he doesn't get complacent about it, he keeps taking risks to find new ways to tell those stories-- whether it's shutting down the company for a year to tell the Ashes story, or booking a year-long double round-robin tournament, or doing a "secret season," it's all part of his artistic vision.

I don't always agree with some of his decisions, but I at least respect that he's willing to take those risks to push the storytelling in new directions.

DM Punk
Aug 24, 2004


CHIKARA in 12 months has really changed. Feels like 70% of the roster is gone now.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

Karma.


DM Punk posted:

CHIKARA in 12 months has really changed. Feels like 70% of the roster is gone now.

as long as we have ants, ice creams, and Ultramantis, Chikara will survive

Plus some of their wrestle factory people are due up

exploded mummy
Sep 10, 2008

   'Cause she's so high
      High above me,
       she's so lovely
           
     - Everclear


Doctor Rope

DM Punk posted:

CHIKARA in 12 months has really changed. Feels like 70% of the roster is gone now.

24*

Jay 2K Winger
Oct 10, 2007

What are you looking for?

Mel Mudkiper posted:

as long as we have ants, ice creams, and Ultramantis, Chikara will survive

Plus some of their wrestle factory people are due up

At least five made their debuts at NPWD (which I'm counting as their debuts regardless as to whether they appear in Season 17)-- Razerhawk, Sylverhawk, Merlok, The Whisper, and Officer Bruno Meloni. They also have Nytehawk, and it's your call whether Travis Huckabee counts as a call-up, since he'd been working as a ref before switching to being a wrestler.

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS


Was NPWD treating people like they should be familiar with these new people already and these turns and not like they were new an shocking or whatever?

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


KungFu Grip posted:

Was NPWD treating people like they should be familiar with these new people already and these turns and not like they were new an shocking or whatever?

Usually for stuff like Young Lions Cup, which features a ton of new guys as is, Quack doesn't outright point out how they're straight out of the Wrestle Factory. Or at least, he never makes a big deal out of it because it's redundant. He basically skirted the line by not making a big deal out of them being newcomers, but never outright referencing that they've been around already. The only thing that raised an eyebrow from me was when he referred to Cornelius Crummels as being part of a decorated tag team, which is not how you'd describe a couple guys who made their first appearance back in September.

While there were some noticeable changes that play off of the secret season, they were all things that could be explained. Race Jaxon was last seen walking off during a tag match, so having him suddenly being a heel with a different gimmick made sense, even if it was abrupt. Icarus chasing off Hallowicked's gang fit with the story we knew, though his trench coat seemed like an odd fashion choice. Travis Huckabee being a wrestler wasn't too weird and his relationship with Solo Darling fit with how she ended season 16. The Force having three points was a definite "wait, what?" moment, but it could have been a screw-up by Vlad. Even UltraMantis having the belt on him could have been played off as "UltraMantis chased off Hallowicked at the end of season 16 and stole his belt at some point." He didn't outright mention being the champion.

So it was ultimately just a bunch of minor things that culminated together with the announcement that this was season 18 and season 17 was a streaming thing.

I'm interested in if the tag titles will play into season 17 since the (so-called) current tag champs Mustache Mountain are now part of WWE's British division.

Capsaicin
Nov 17, 2004

broof roof roof

Was UMB actually injured or was that a 2 year work?

El Gallinero Gros
Mar 17, 2010


Capsaicin posted:

Was UMB actually injured or was that a 2 year work?

He used to work for AIW a lot, so if it was, it was a dedicated one. Although his band signing to Relapse Records certainly gave him something to do in between being a non-wrestler for Chikara.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

Karma.


Capsaicin posted:

Was UMB actually injured or was that a 2 year work?

He was probably actually injured and either got a second opinion or decided "gently caress it"

The injury happened in a very un-Chikara way so I doubt it was a work from the beginning

HerraS
Apr 15, 2012

Looking professional when committing genocide is essential. This is mostly achieved by using a beret.

Olive drab colour ensures the genocider will remain hidden from his prey until it's too late for them to do anything.


mantis was gonna work for other companies but quack made him sleep on the couch

Numero6
Oct 10, 2012


HerraS posted:

mantis was gonna work for other companies but quack made him sleep on the couch

I imagine Quack sending people TO THE COUCH! like principal Musso in Parker Lewis Can't Lose.

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Mel Mudkiper posted:

He was probably actually injured and either got a second opinion or decided "gently caress it"

The injury happened in a very un-Chikara way so I doubt it was a work from the beginning

It was weird because the injury was outside of the ring and away from the camera, but it 100% worked into the story. The whole thing was that for Trios, Mantis had to put together a three-man combination where the choices were him, two guys he trusted and one guy who was a blatant liability. So logically, it had to be Mantis/Batiri, but for dramatic reasons they needed to fit Oleg in there. So Mantis announced his injury and reluctantly put Oleg in his spot, leading to his retirement where he oversold the injury by being bound to a wheelchair for over a year.

Though if he really had a bad injury and had to step away, the whole way they played it is very similar to what happened to Amasis.

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


DM Punk posted:

CHIKARA in 12 months has really changed. Feels like 70% of the roster is gone now.

For the hell of it, looking at the roster page, they list 54 wrestlers currently. 6 of them don't really count for one reason or another: Tyler Bate and Trent Seven (in England and with WWE), Big Deal (high-profile part-timer), Mr. Azerbaijan (secondary gimmick with only one appearance in 2016), Worker Ant (possibly taken out with a career-ending injury?) and Officer Magnum (a dog). That leaves 48.

Chikara guys who've been around for at least a few years: Fire Ant, Silver Ant, Hallowicked, Frightmare, UltraMantis Black, Icarus, Ophidian, Mr. Touchdown, Dasher Hatfield, DUSTIN, El Hijo del Ice Cream, Ice Cream Jr., Juan Francisco de Coronado, Lucas Calhoun, Missile Assault Man, Argus, Bullet Ant, Race Jaxon, Kobald, Obariyon, Oleg the Usurper, Proletariat Boar, Max Smashmaster, Thunderfrog

Chikara guys who've been around since December 2015: Wani, Officer Barksdale, Officer Meloni, Cajun Crawdad, Rock Lobster, Hermit Crab, Sloan Caprice, Rick Roland, Cornelius Crummels, Sonny Defarge, Solo Darling, Delmi Exo, Ashley Vox, Travis Huckabee, Donald Kluger, Jasper Tippins, Jeremy Leary, Merlok, Nytehawk, Razerhawk, Sylverhawk, Space Monkey, Chuck Taylor TM, the Whisper

So that's 24 old guard and 24 new guys.

And here's all the wrestlers who left since the 2015 season: Amasis, Ashley Remington, Blaster McMassive, Blind Rage, Drew Gulak/Soldier Ant, Eddie Kingston, Flex Rumblecrunch, Heidi Lovelace, Hype Rockwell, Jaka, Jakob Hammermeier, Jervis Cottonbelly, Jigsaw, Kodama, Pinkie Sanchez, Prakash Sabar, Kimber Lee, Shynron, Kevin Condron, Swamp Monster, Nokken (who isn't even on the alumni page), Abominous Rex (who had a single appearance), probably Worker Ant.

"Jervis Cottonbelly has a Money in the Bank title shot" appears to be the "Mike Quackenbush and Shane Storm have 3 points" of this generation.

Endless Mike
Aug 13, 2003

Get running
Start pumping your bunions, I'm coming
I'm the dumbest, who flamethrow your function to Funyons
Flame your crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest
Now face the flame fuckers your fame and fate's done with


Wow, Gavok, I would have never expected you to be anti-dog.

DM Punk
Aug 24, 2004


I feel like as long as Chuck Taylor/DUSTIN is around in CHIKARA, Swamp Monster could always come back.

And Jervis could be in one of the yet unseen Season 17 shows, right?

Jay 2K Winger
Oct 10, 2007

What are you looking for?

DM Punk posted:

I feel like as long as Chuck Taylor/DUSTIN is around in CHIKARA, Swamp Monster could always come back.

And Jervis could be in one of the yet unseen Season 17 shows, right?

I dunno. I have a feeling that Gavok's right and "Jervis has a Golden Opportunity" is going to be the lingering "Quack/Shane Storm have 3 points for tag title contention" thing that exists until and unless they reset the points system again.

On that same note, Pinkie Sanchez and Nokken (both gone from the company) also have 3 points for tag title contention.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

Karma.


wait who is Mr Azerbaijan's primary gimmick?

EDIT: Wow, I never realized it was Chuckie T

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Endless Mike posted:

Wow, Gavok, I would have never expected you to be anti-dog.

The last few Royal Rumbles will do that.

DM Punk posted:

And Jervis could be in one of the yet unseen Season 17 shows, right?

I'd doubt it, but it is possible. Might as well get any closure on his relationship with Kimber Lee before she's gone. Plus the very first scene in Season 17 is one guy attempting to hand over his title shot, so there could always be some kind of reason for Jervis to do that for UtraMantis.

CombineThresher
Apr 10, 2006

GIT R DONNE


On the one hand, this hidden season thing is incredibly stupid and Quack is turning into indy wrestling's Vince McMahon more and more every year.

On the other hand, I will endure literally any booking direction, no matter how stupid or inscrutable, that puts the belt on Ultramantis Black.

Capsaicin
Nov 17, 2004

broof roof roof

Looks like on Twitter quite a few CHIKARA guys have been complaining about lack of booking from them. Batiri and Max Smashmaster have both been vocal about it, and Blaster McMassive is still making comments about how CHIKARA treats its black wrestlers.

I just feel very ehhhhhh about the company right now after all that. :\

RealFoxy
May 11, 2011

Band-aids don't fix arrow wounds


I think it's nothing more than Quackenbush's weird "Artistic Vision" in which if he doesn't have a divine purpose for a wrestler he just doesn't use them anymore until they're relevant, instead of trying to find something for that wrestler to do.

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


So it looks like Worker Ant has been moved over to the alumni section. He's done.

Sunday was an episode of Hour of Power, which fit a lot of stuff:

- Merlok defeated Delmi Exo. Merlok has new gear that makes him look less fat and more imposing. Delmi has a manager/mascot named Jawsolyn, who is a woman in a hammerhead shark costume. She's adorable. Merlok won in what was a pretty one-sided match.

- Oleg the Usurper defeated a jobber in a Chikara logo mask named Hiptoss Henry. Afterwards, he was being interviewed and Kobald appeared, screaming and ranting about how hosed his head is right now and how he needs Oleg's help to fix him. Oleg said that he took an oath never to hurt Kobald, but he still wouldn't help.

- Max Smashmaster defeated Mr. Touchdown despite Touchdown punching out Sidney Bakabella. Turns out this gives Smashmaster his third point, making him #1 contender. Afterwards, they did an interview where Bakabella kept referring to the new female interviewer as "McGuirk."

- Cajun Crawdad defeated another masked jobber, this one named Waistlock Wayne.

- At the May 6 show, they will hold their third Infinite Gauntlet match, meaning there's one to look forward to in Season 17.

- In the moment of the night, Vlad stops announcing when he sees the Whisper enter the arena. The Whisper is followed by A HEADLESS MAN IN A RED JACKET CARRYING AN UMBRELLA. Whisper looks under the ring to find the Lithuanian Snow Troll hiding there, clutching Missile Assault Man's journal. Whisper snatches it away and walks off with his headless companion.

- Silver Ant defeated Travis Huckabee via the Chikara Special: Green. After the match, Frightmare ran out and climbed to the top rope to ambush Silver Ant. Bullet Ant raced out, shoved Silver out of the way and took a top-rope Backstabber from Frightmare. Other faces ran out to check on Bullet Ant with Quack on commentary pointing out that he just had surgery on a herniated disc in his back. So he's probably done, meaning we're down to just Fire Ant and Silver Ant.

Endless Mike
Aug 13, 2003

Get running
Start pumping your bunions, I'm coming
I'm the dumbest, who flamethrow your function to Funyons
Flame your crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest
Now face the flame fuckers your fame and fate's done with


Gavok posted:

The last few Royal Rumbles will do that.
They're good dogs, Govok.

RealFoxy
May 11, 2011

Band-aids don't fix arrow wounds


Worker Ant seemed like a nice enough guy a couple years ago when he had just became Blue Ant, what happened between he and CHIKARA?

El Gallinero Gros
Mar 17, 2010


RealFoxy posted:

Worker Ant seemed like a nice enough guy a couple years ago when he had just became Blue Ant, what happened between he and CHIKARA?

Judging by some of the stuff said by ex-Chikara talent in the past, my guess is he either wanted to work elsewhere and Quack wouldn't allow it, or he fell out of love with the business.

Dumb question: is John Silver the Silver Ant? Are any of the remaining ants prominent indy guys? I know Drew Gulak used to be one.

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RealFoxy
May 11, 2011

Band-aids don't fix arrow wounds


El Gallinero Gros posted:

Judging by some of the stuff said by ex-Chikara talent in the past, my guess is he either wanted to work elsewhere and Quack wouldn't allow it, or he fell out of love with the business.

Dumb question: is John Silver the Silver Ant? Are any of the remaining ants prominent indy guys? I know Drew Gulak used to be one.
Silver Ant is Tracy Williams but apparently John Silvers was The Shard.

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