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DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

We should all be so lucky


Thank you Senerio, right now im looking for job and other personal stuff. Im going to be there, just wait for me!

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Happyman
Jul 20, 2011

Say, do you take your mask off when you go to the bathroom?

Basic Chunnel posted:

iirc it's a 2012 mod that's been rolled back manually.

An October 2011 mod for TEW2010. It was really inaccurate and I've made tons of in-game edits since starting the game.

Senerio
Oct 19, 2009

Chat got your tongue?


For example, Kanako Urai's highest stats were C-Level.

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

#RXT REVOLUTION~!
2000



future scoopin'...


Things have slowed down a bit here do to things, but lets get back on track with WEB CONTENT!



quote:




Welcome back! Our first guest tonight is uh… kind of a sequel from a bit we did last week. My cousin Sal’s kid loves Pro Wrestling, he loves John Cena, so we thought we’d tape an encounter between the kid and one of John Cena’s biggest enemies. Well, we decided since we’ve had John Cena on here so many times, it’s time we heard this guy’s side of story. So, hailing from Chicago, Illinois, he is the current WWE Champion, please welcome, C! M! PUNK!

APPLAUSE!



Punk, thanks for coming out. Now, for those in our audience who maybe haven’t watched WWE in a few years and only know about John Cena, why don’t you tell us who you are?

Who am I? Well Jimmy, simply put, CM Punk is The Best In The World.

I did read that on the T-Shirt you gave me now that you mention it. Can we put that up?



Oh yeah, that's a reasonable and modest self-endorsement right there.

*chuckle* Alright, here's the less merch-related answer: I’m a kid from Chicago who grew up loving WWE. I watched the Hulk Hogans and the Stone Cold Steve Austins tearing it up in the ring and I thought, ‘Man, I wanna be that guy when I grow up.’ So I fought through the ‘minor leagues,’ of Pro Wrestling, the Independent Circuit as we call it. I made a name for myself, I won local championships and amateur tournaments, all that stuff you have to do to get to the big leagues in any sport. But when I finally got there, I found out that WWE’s Management doesn’t approve of guys like me.

You’re talking about the company’s owner, Vince McMahon, right? Cause I remember, and I’m sure a lot of our audience remembers, how all through the 90s that guy was the ‘evil boss,’ of WWE, screwing over Steve Austin.

That’s right. So how do you climb the ladder when the guy at the top doesn’t want you to? You be the best. You talk faster, and you fight harder than every other guy, and when the chips are down, you win and you win big. That’s CM Punk, that's why I'm 'The Best In The World,' and that’s how I beat John Cena and won the WWE Championship.

Ok, so, I get all that, that’s great. But when I was reading through my notes for this interview I read something that really confused me: You are not currently employed by WWE? But like, you’re the champ. You’ve got the belt-thing, right here. So, what’s going on?

The night that I won the title, which was about three weeks back, was the last night of my WWE Contract. I won in my hometown of Chicago, and then I walked out of the company as the Champion. Which means I’m a free agent.

I believe we have some photos of that night, right?



Right, so thats me, finally pinning John Cena and winning the match.



That's me, just after beating John Cena. I’m taking my title out through the crowd and I’m kissing good old Vince McMahon goodbye.



And that's me later that night. That's two of my best friends, indy wrestlers Colt Cabana and Ace Steel, and we’re just going all around Chicago showing off that I’m the World Champion.



And that's me at a local Illinois wrestling organization. They’re called All American Wrestling, and I’m giving props to one of their wrestlers, Gregory Irons, for competing despite having Cerebral Palsy. That was a great night.

Wow, so you can go on other shows and do stuff on-camera with wrestlers who don’t work for WWE. You really are out the door.

It’s pretty interesting, right? This is the biggest shakeup the sport's seen in a decade. Now you never know where you might see me pop up, plus I’m already talking to some guys about putting on local shows in Chicago and defending my title against all comers.

So like, do you have any regrets? Have you been watching the show since you left? What’s going on with you gone?

Well… I will say I have been watching Monday Night Raw, which is every Monday on USA Network, 9pm Eastern. What I see there is bugging me a little. See, since I've been gone Vince McMahon has made it his mission to ‘erase me from history.’ Nobody is going along with this and the audiences are chanting MY name at every arena across the country when Vince comes out. But Vince doesn't care about anyone but himself, so he's having a tournament and he's going to hand a fake WWE championship to whoever wins and say that guy is the Champion instead of me. It’s a shame, because there’s some real talent in that company, and they deserve better than this mess. Vince is just embarrassing himself and the whole WWE by throwing a public tantrum.

So you do still care, despite walking out on them?

Oh yeah, in fact I care so much I went to talk to them about it. I have a clip if you want to…

Sure! You want to set it up?

Ok. Just after I waked out, down at San Diego Comic Con, WWE had a panel with Mattel about new toys. Two really important guys were there. One was Rey Misterio, who is a finalist in Vince's tournament and will be fighting at WWE's next Pay Per View, Summerslam. That's on Sunday the 14th by the way. The other guy who you might know Jimmy, was Triple H. These days he’s one of the corporate guys who runs WWE behind the scenes. So since I had some free time I thought I’d pop in on them.

Lets take a look.

CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO!

Awesome. So, what do you think you’re going to do next, Champ?

Well, I haven’t decided yet. I might start defending this Championship. And Rey Mysterio, that challenge stands by the way. I’ve thought about acting. Maybe getting into comic books. Fighting in UFC. I have a lot of interests and this title opens a lot of doors.

Is there ANY chance you’re going back to the WWE?

Never say never. I walked out of the company because I hoped things would get better if I did. If things don’t get better… let’s just say one of my friends once told me I can’t make a difference sitting on my couch. And like I told you before, you never know where you might see me pop up.

Alright! WWE Raw is on Mondays at 9pm on USA Network, and WWE Summerslam is on Pay Per View August 14! CM PUNK EVERYBODY!


Phew. That one was a lot of work...

Sanguinia fucked around with this message at Feb 3, 2017 around 04:15

Happyman
Jul 20, 2011

Say, do you take your mask off when you go to the bathroom?

A spot's open in TNA.

Sorry about the delay, I locked myself into TNA's booking screen and can't retrieve ratings and post Prograps until they book Week 3.

Happyman fucked around with this message at Feb 6, 2017 around 09:36

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!


I liked that Rey used having two masks on to his advantage, that was fun.

Keep up the wild and crazy stuff peeps.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013

Finally, the #BROKEN Matt Hardy Brand is brought into the future, Brother Nero!


I also appreciate Senerio referencing the one good Naruto filler episode.

Senerio
Oct 19, 2009

Chat got your tongue?


Guilty as charged

Happyman
Jul 20, 2011

Say, do you take your mask off when you go to the bathroom?



Good evening marks, and welcome to Prograps Unlimited #3!

News:
- The latest major drug problem to be addressed by TNA, Brian Kendrick was recently released from his contract. Reportedly he asked for his own release, refusing TNA's order to go to rehab.
- Due to a recent wave of releases, morale has tanked in the TNA locker room, with names like Rob Van Dam, AJ Styles, Al Snow, Matt Hardy and The Dudleys heavily criticizing their home promotion. AJ is especially unhappy at the flamboyant new gimmick they're having him do.
- Joey Styles has come out of retirement to take Matt Striker's spot on the SmackDown announce desk, shifting Striker into a backstage interviewer role. In response, Striker has been showing up very late to shows, unhappy in his new role.
- WWE confirms another indie acquisition in The Young Bucks, fresh off of their TNA run as Generation Me. They'll be headed to Raw after a few months in FCW.

TV Ratings:
RAW: 3.78 (+0.94)
SmackDown: 3.39 (+0.85)
Impact: 1.44 (+0.63)

(I have no explanation for these massive increases across the board.)

Happyman fucked around with this message at Feb 7, 2017 around 15:32

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

You're tense, I'm calm. You apply excessive force, I
*snap*
OHHHH HECKUMS


Happyman posted:

TV Ratings:
RAW: 3.78 (+0.94)
SmackDown: 3.39 (+0.85)
Impact: 1.44 (+0.63)

(I have no explanation for these massive increases across the board.)

Clearly the amazing show that RAW put on drew in a bunch of viewers AND caused an overflow effect that made people interested enough to watch the other shows too.

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

#RXT REVOLUTION~!
2000



future scoopin'...


Happyman posted:

(I have no explanation for these massive increases across the board.)

CM Punk's debut as the new star of Pro Wrestling on Jimmy Kimmel Live has clearly single-handedly reignited the business.

You're welcome.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013

Finally, the #BROKEN Matt Hardy Brand is brought into the future, Brother Nero!


Sanguinia posted:

CM Punk's debut as the new star of Pro Wrestling on Jimmy Kimmel Live SCOTT STEINER has clearly single-handedly reignited the business.

You're welcome.

aperion
May 15, 2007


I suppose I should've put this down a lot sooner, but I had a real interest in writing for Raw or Smackdown when the thread started. But after these first few weeks I find I still want to, so if an opening comes up on either show, I'd like in.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

You're tense, I'm calm. You apply excessive force, I
*snap*
OHHHH HECKUMS


aperion posted:

I suppose I should've put this down a lot sooner, but I had a real interest in writing for Raw or Smackdown when the thread started. But after these first few weeks I find I still want to, so if an opening comes up on either show, I'd like in.

I'm pretty sure SD could still use writers, you should hop in the discord

Jenkem Delivery
Feb 8, 2005

Death created time to grow the things that it would kill



quote:

Hardcore Justice opens up with Hogan backstage with Immortal, nervously hovering over a circle of doctors and nurses around...Eric Bischoff's hospital bed? Hogan looks to one of the Doctors, seemingly skeptical about the situation. "You sure it's safe for him to be here?" He asks, peering over them at the comatose Bischoff. One of the Doctors looks up from his clipboard "He's stable and breathing on his own, he just hasn't regained consciousness. It's safe for him to be here, and if any issue came up we have a full medical staff." Hogan nods "I'm just making sure he's gonna be OK. After all, it was my crazy idea having him here, feeling the energy of the crowd going crazy when Abyss destroys that son of a bitch Steiner." Hogan steps forward and grabs Bischoff's hand "I'm gonna make that son of a bitch pay, brother. I'm gonna get him back for what he's done to you." Hogan sighs, letting go of his old friend's hand and turning to the rest of Immortal. "You go out there and kick some loving rear end for him, boys." He walks over and gets in Abyss's face "And you destroy Steiner. You break every bone in his loving body. You make him bleed, you make him suffer. Anything else, is not acceptable."

**************************************************************************

The Camera pans around the arena for Hardcore Justice! Suddenly, loud metal guitar music blasts from the entrance ramp. It's the British Invasion! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwpoV3xtpSg Magnus and Douglas come to the ring, waving the Union Jack and hyping up the crowd as they come down the Entrance Ramp. Then, Skynyrd hits....it's the Briscoes! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8egE4x9Djo They come down to the ring decked out in the stars and bars, screaming various obscenities and showing off their garbage can filled with weapons. The Invasion extend their hands to shake like proper British Gentlemen, but #DEMBOYS aren't here to shake hands, they're here to fight! Before the ref can step between them, Mark throws a bullet hole riddled stop sign at Magnus' face! The Ref rings the bell, this is on! Jay kicks Doug Williams in the gut and goes for a Jay Driller right off the bat! Williams' judo training kicks in and he executes a textbook double leg takedown and starts pummeling the elder Briscoe. Magnus is reeling from the stop sign shot, and eats a series of vicious forearm and elbow shots from Mark. He staggers to the ropes and Mark hits a dropkick, sending Magnus to the outside!

Mark turns and quickly jumps on the back of Williams, who has controlled Jay on the ground. Williams quickly shifts his weight and tosses Mark onto the prone Jay! Williams follows up with a knee to Mark's spine as Magnus staggers back into the ring. Magnus has something in his hands....it's fish and chips wrapped in newspaper! Mark gets to his feet just in time for Magnus to get his revenge, he whacks Mark over the head with the greasy vittles! Mark screams in agony as the burning hot oil and salt has gotten into his eyes! "Don't forget the malt vinegar, Mauro! That poo poo is like mace!" Mark blindly turns to Williams who hits him with a European Uppercut, he staggers back to Magnus who does the same! Mark is ping ponged back and forth between the two Brits with alternating uppercuts while Jay gets to his feet and snarls, springing towards Williams and hitting him with a big boot! Mark is frantically wiping his eyes as Magnus heads to the trash can of weapons and pulls out an....umbrella? Magnus goes to bring the weapon down on Mark's head when he's interrupted by a blind palm strike right to Magnus' throat! Mark has harnessed the power of Redneck Kung Fu and is fighting blind! He unleashes a flurry of strikes on Magnus then sends him into the ropes, and hits a drop kick, sending Magnus to the outside oncre more.

Mark gets out on the apron as Magnus staggers to his feet, just in time for a running senton from the younger Briscoe! Jay and Doug square off, trading a couple quick rear waist locks before Jay drops Doug on his knee, yelling at Mark to get his rear end in there! Mark pops up on the apron and hits a springboard leg drop on Williams! Jay goes for the cover: 1, 2...Williams kicks out! Jay sends Williams into the corner, and both Briscoes charge wildly! Jay hits a big boot to the face while Mark hits a low angle drop kick. Mark starts climbing the turnbucke as Jay goes to get Williams on his shoulders for the Doomsday Device but Magnus hits him with a chair! Jay staggers and drops Williams as Magnus lays a shot onto Mark's back, sending him flying to the outside. Williams recovers and grabs Jay from behind as Magnus sprints back and delivers a big boot to Jay's jaw. Williams uses the momentum from the move to hit the elder Briscoe with a bridging german suplex! 1...2....Jay kicks out! Magnus screams in anger and goes to grab the chair while Williams pulls Jay up and holds him for another shot. Magnus gets close the ropes when Mark grabs his leg and pulls him to the outside and delivers a super kick! Jay breaks Williams hold and muscles the Judoka up for a Death Valley Driver! Mark pops up on the apron with a chair and points his thumb skyward to Jay, signaling for the Doomsday Device. Jay picks the beaten Williams up on his shoulders in the electric chair position. Mark gets on the turnbuckle, facing away from the two with the chair in his hands. He springs backwards, rotation 180 degrees in the air and smacking Williams in the face with the chair! Jay goes for the pin: 1.....2....3! #DEMBOYS are your winners! They celebrate with the stars and bars, screaming insults at the fallen British Gentlemen to a chorus of loud boos! This crowd is hot, folks and HARDCORE JUSTICE is just starting!

**************************************************************************

It's time for Knockouts action with Madison Rayne, Angelina Love, Winter and Mickie James taking on Io & Mio Shirai, Misaki Ohata and Velvet Sky! Angelina Love starts the match against Misaki Ohata, but Velvet Sky tags herself in immediately! She wants to get back at her former beautiful people teammates for what they've said about her relationship! They wrestle evenly for a bit before the heels gain the avantage, keeping Velvet in their corner. Attempts at a tag by Velvet are cut off multiple times before Velvet is eventually able to duck a running ropkick by Mickie James, causing Mickie to hit her own teammates! In the confusion, Velvet makes the tag to Io! Io lays into James with stiff strikes and German suplexes, tagging in her Joshi partners to let them get some shots in too! Mickie James tries to fight off the onslaught, but she's unable to combat the smooth teamwork of 3 unfamiliar opponents. Eventually, however, she is able to make the tag to Madison Rayne! Rayne makes a mad dash for Io Shirai... Straight into a brutal stiff kick to the head! Rayne crumples to the ground, unconscious! The ref doesn't need a second look to declare the match as ending via knockout! Rayne is stretchered away from the ring! We hope she's OK!

**************************************************************************

Kevin Steen is shown backstage. He talks about The Minotaur, a creature awaiting brave heroes at the end of the labyrinth. He then compares Crimson to The Minotaur, in that both of them are big, hairy, stinking subhumans. (That and he's a ginger.) He scoffs at Crimsons undefeated streak, saying “A big string of easy victories over a bunch of F****** NOBODIES? That's hardly heroic.” Steen finishes with "Much like The Minotaur was Bruised, Broken and Vanquished, I too with utterly destroy you for the sake of my beloved son Owen, because I. AM. A. HERO."

**************************************************************************

Some generic Post Hardcore music blares through the Impact Zone, it's Crimson! Crimson saunters down to the ring and scowls at the ramp as he waits for his opponent. Then a few bars of Drowning Pool play https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAqIDysOcZQ and out comes Kevin Steen! Steen points at the camera "I'M GOING TO SLAY THE MINOTAUR FOR YOU OWEN!" he screams, clenching his fist then turning his glance towards the ring. Steen and Crimson move quicky to face off, and have to be separated by the ref in order to start the match. The ref rings the bell and the two men immediately start slugging it out in the center of the ring! Steen gets the advantage after an eye rake, sending Crimson into the ropes and hitting him with a shoulder block, but Crimson isn't fazed. He yells at Steen to give him what he's got and points to the ropes. Steen nods "Ok Ok, I'm gonna run into you with everything I've..." Steen hits a dropkick, sending Crimson to the mat. Steen jumps over Crimson and hits the ropes, coming back as Crimson pops up and returns the favor, unleashing a brutal dropkick to Steen. Steen goes down and eats a quick diving knee from Crimson. Steen rolls away and gets to his feet as Crimson throws a quick knee, knocking him back into the corner. Crimson runs in and hits Steen with a shoulder block. Steen stumbles out of the corner as Crimson purses, only to be hit by a quick superkick! Steen moves with blinding speed and grabs Crimson, planting him with a DDT. Steen moves into a headlock, yelling at the crowd and the camera.

Some random fan boos him and Steen responds "Shut the gently caress up, I'm doing this for my son! I will keep this headlock on all night long!" Crimson fights his way up but Steen tosses Crimson into the corner. Steen starts kicking him repeatedly, sending the big man down to the mat. Crimson lies, slumped against the bottom turnbuckle, and Steen runs away from the corner and starts back to build up momentum. He goes for the cannonball senton but Crimson evades him at the last moment. Crimson rolls to the side as Steen flops out of the corner and struggles to get up. Crimson reaches his feet before Steen and catches him with a spear! Crimson goes for the pin, 1....2... Steen kicks out! Crimson pulls Steen up and goes for the Red Alert but Steen blocks and drives a knee into Crimson's gut. Steen follows up with a teardrop suplex then starts viciously stomping on Crimson. He picks Crimson up in the fireman's carry, DEEP SEA DIVERTICULITIS! Steen goes for the pin, 1....2... Crimson kicks out. Steen looks a bit frustrated as he picks up Crimson then sends him into the corner. Crimson immediately slumps to the bottom turnbuckle as Steen revs up his engine and hits the cannonball senton! Steen rolls back and laughs, pointing at the crowd. "I told you, I told you I'd slay the Minotaur. And you didn't loving believe me, did you?!"

Steen's bragging to the crowd gives Crimson time to roll to the apron. Steen purses and picks Crimson up, smiling at the crowd then hitting Crimson with a DDT on the apron! Crimson hits the hard edge of the ring and doesn't move much, laying prone on the apron. Steen pulls Crimson's legs out and picks him up, POWER BOMB ON THE APRON! Crimson is in serious pain, writhing on the ground. Steen looks over at the Spanish announce table and smiles. He brings the broken Crimson and lays him on the table. Steen pulls a ladder out from under the ring and sets it up next to the table. What is he doing? Steen starts climbing the ladder and points to the crowd as they are aghast. "Why aren't you cheering for the hero? WHY AREN'T YOU CHEERING?!!?! I'LL SHOW YOU!!" He finishes climbing the ladder and looks down at the prone Crimson, then jumps off! BIG BOY SENTON THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE! CRIMSON IS DESTROYED!

Steen rolls off, holding his back and slowly making his way to his feet. He stumbles over to the Ref, grabbing his shirt "CALL THE MATCH! I DESTROYED HIM! I WIN!" The Ref doesn't know what to do, he stops and checks on Crimson. Crimson mumbles something, but isn't moving much. Meanwhile, Steen starts grabbing every folding chair in the vicinity and forming a pile. Steen looks at the Ref "CALL THE loving MATCH!" Before the Ref can react Steen grabs Crimson, then powerbombs him onto the chairs! He keeps screaming at the Ref to stop the match! The Ref tries to lean in to check on Crimson. but he doesn't even get close enough to check! Steen grabs Crimson and powerbombs him again! He picks him up and powerbombs him a third time! The Ref calls the match! STEEN IS YOUR WINNER. Steen gets onto the turnbuckle to celebrate, holding a slightly larger picture of his son.

**************************************************************************

Some more generic TNA rock music plays, it's GUNNER! Gunner comes down the ring, snarling and ready for a fight. Then....OLE OLE OLE.....IT'S the Television Champion Den Generiska!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KABUQxllGbk The Generic Luchador runs down the entrance ramp, stopping to high five fans as he makes his way to the ring. Generiska gets on the turnbuckle and holds the Television Title high over his head. They get into the center of the ring for introductions. "Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is for the TNA Television Title. Introducing the Challenger: From Hickory, North Carolina; weighing in at 247 pounds....Gunner! And the Champion, from Helsingborg, Sweden; weighing in at 210 pounds....DEN GENERISKA!" The ref takes the belt, shows it to the challenger and rings the bell. We're underway! Generiska comes sprinting out of the corner looking for an Ole kick right off the bat! Gunner sidesteps the luchador as he overshoots his target. Generiska's foot goes over the top turnbuckle, momentarily trapping him in the corner giving Gunner an opening and he takes advantage of it with a back suplex! Gunner picks up the generic luchador and sends him into the ropes, then grabs him off the rebound for a spinning spinebuster! Gunner goes for the quick cover 1....Kick out! Generiska pops up and hits a quick forearm to the surprised Gunner.

Gunner retaliates with one of his own, stunning Generiska then picking him up for a vertical suplex. Generiska kicks his legs to change the momentum and reverses it into a deep arm drag! Gunner comes up off the arm drag and eats a running crossbody from Generiska! Generiska tries to hold the big man down for a pin: 1.....2...Gunner kicks out! Gunner quickly rolls out of the ring to get his bearings but Generiska isn't content to let him get away so easily! Generiska tries to hype the crowd up, then sprints into the ropes, bouncing back to get that momentum up and hits a picture perfect Tope Con Hilo!! Gunner takes it straight on and sprawls to the ground. Generiska springs to his feet and celebrates! OLE!!! Gunner looks around as Generiska poses for the crowd, sliding his hand underneath the ring and coming out with a steel chair! He scrambles to his feet and catches Generiska in the gut with the edge of the chair as he turns around! Ladies and Gentlemen, don't forget every match tonight...IS A HARDCORE MATCH! Gunner smacks the chair over Generiska's back, sending the Generic Luchador to the mat. He picks up the prone Generiska in a powerslam, then throws him face first on the apron! Gunner, back in control rolls Generiska into the ring and tosses the chair in before sliding under the ropes. Gunner picks up Generiska and hits a side slam backbreaker, then holds the Luchador over his knee and turns it into a submission! He presses down on the face and thigh of Generiska, bending him backwards over his knee. Generiska refuses to give up even though his spine is being bent the wrong way!

Generiska fights back, prying Gunner's hand off his face and slipping out of the hold. He rolls away from Gunner, who quickly pursues the Generic Luchador only to be met with an exploder suplex into the turnbuckles! Gunner is dazed! Generiska gathers a head of steam and hits a dropkick onto the prone Gunner! He runs to the opposite corner and begins hyping the crowd up. Gunner slowly makes his way to his feet as his glazed over eyes come into focus on the chair just a few feet away. He begins to move for it when Generiska sprints at him full speed. HE HITS THE OLE KICK! Gunner is out on his feet! Generiska picks him up and twists him in mid air, BLUE THUNDER BOMB ON THE CHAIR! Generico holds him down for the pin: 1....2....3! Generiska retains the Television Title!

**************************************************************************

The camera pans over the ringside area, showing a good chunk of the TNA Roster out acting as lumberjacks! There are weapons scattered all over the ringside area between the men who glare at each other. You can feel the tension in the air for this match!

Bully Ray comes out and down to the ring, cursing at fans the entire way down. Alex Shelley comes out and high fives fans along the ramp as he makes his way to the ring, staring a few lumberjacks down. Both men get in the ring, the lumberjacks are ready and we are underway! This match starts out slower than one would expect from this type of match, with Shelley and Bully Ray feeling each other out for a couple minutes, testing each other with greco roman knuckle locks before starting in on the attack. Bully Ray comes in for a lariat but Shelley ducks and hits an enziguri to the back of Bully Ray's head. Ray stumbles and catches a backstabber from Shelley! Shelley goes for a quick moonsault but Bully Ray manages to get up and stop Shelley before he can execute! Bully Ray hits the ropes and crotches Shelley on the turnbuckle. Ray pulls Shelley off the turnbuckle for a german suplex! Ray goes for the pin: 1.....2... Shelley kicks out! Ray hits the ropes and cracks Shelley in the face with a big boot as he tries to get up. Shelley goes and Ray picks him back up, setting up for a piledriver but Shelley reverses into a back body drop! Shelley gets Bully Ray up and whips him into the corner, sending Ray down to the canvas.

Before Bully can get his bearings, he is eating Shelley’s double knees! Shelly immediately gets up and grabs Bully for the Sliced Bread #2! He goes for the pin: 1…2... It takes more than that to stop an ECW Alumnus. Bully Ray gets up, and doesn’t look fazed at all. He turns to Shelley, who is already on the rebound, running the ropes to kick him out of the ring! Bully tries to hold his ground, but a second running kick sends him over the ropes, and into the waiting weapons of the lumberjacks! The first one to reach Bully Ray is Samoa Joe, who kicks him hard in the gut, sending him to the barricade. Before he can catch his breath, Okato is there, chair in hand, and beans him with a chair. Joe takes advantage of this, and whips Bully Ray back into the ring, where Alex Shelley awaits.

Taking advantage of his prone opponent, Shelley grabs Bully Ray into the Border City Stretch! Bully screams in agony as he makes his way towards the ropes. As Shelley is concentrating on keeping the hold locked in, he doesn’t notice Bully grabbing the 2x4 that was surreptitiously left in the ring, until Bully conks him with it, repeatedly. Shelley is forced to release the hold, and Bully Ray goes on the attack.
With the brutality you’d expect, Bully Ray starts beating Shelley senseless. Shelley is barely able to keep going. Bully whips him out of the ring, and Mr. Anderson is there, whacking Shelley with a Singapore cane. He throws Shelley into the ring… right into a Senton by Bully Ray! Bully Ray goes the pinL 1…2…2.9! Alex Shelley is still in this somehow! Bully Ray is infuriated, and shouts at the top of his lungs:
"DEVON!!"
"YEAH?"
"GET THE NEW GUY!"

Devon throws a table into the ring, and as he sets it up, D’Angelo Dinero gets into the ring. The three of them set Shelley up for a familiar maneuver! 3D! All three celebrate by standing on Shelley for the pin: 1…2…3! Team 3D has reunited, with new member D’Angelo Dinero, and with their help, Bully Ray Dudley has defeated Alex Shelley!

**************************************************************************

Orale guey, Mexican America is here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3dmRxIWaSQ Both men come down to the ring riding lowrider bicycles with baskets full of weapons, waving Mexican flags. BEER MONEY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk9wbwCT_uc Beer Money come down to the ring, holding a giant open topped tub cooler filled with ice between them. Everyone leaves their respective items at ringside. "Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is for the TNA World Tag Team Championship! Your challengers: De donde el imposible es posible! At a combined weight of 492 pounds. Mexican America! Your champions: From the place with the coldest beer in town, Beer Money!" The teams return to their corners and the bell rings.

Hernandez starts against Storm. Both big men tie up in the middle of the ring. Hernandez gets a head lock, utilizing his size advantage over Storm. Storm separates Hernandez's grip and uses leverage to pull the big man down and slap on his own headlock. Hernandez pushes Storm into the ropes, and Storm bounces back with a shoulder...no. Hernandez doesn't budge. He points to the perpendicular ropes. Storm sprints for another shoulder block aaaannnddd...doesn't move Hernandez. Hernandez laughs "It's my turn!" then sprints into the ropes at full speed, bouncing back and dropping his shoulder into Storm. Storm goes flying! Hernandez drags Storm into his corner then starts stomping and tags in Prince Puma! Puma jumps on the ropes, SPRINGBOARD 450! Puma hooks the leg for the pin: 1....2.... Storm gets a shoulder up! Puma sprints across the ring and hits a rope assisted enziguri on Roode, sending him flying to the floor!

Hernandez runs over and starts brawling with Roode while Puma and Storm continue in the ring. Puma runs back as storm gets to his feet and is caught with a lariat! Storm picks Puma up and hits him with a suplex. Puma hits the mat hard as Storm goes for the Sharpshooter but Puma manages a scorpion kick right to Storm in the dick! "Ay yay yay, he's feeling like he had a real bad trip to the barrio!" Storm stumbles and Puma takes advantage, hitting a jumping boot to Storm's head. Storm stumbles into the corner and Puma follows up with a flash kick! Hernandez whacks Roode on the outside and gestures to Puma. "Get him, guey!" Puma nods and sprints into the ropes, then hits a step up tope con hilo on Roode! "Holy poo poo! Holy poo poo!" the crowd chants. Puma slowly gets into the ring and tags Hernandez. Hernandez runs at Storm and hits a splash in the corner. Storm stumbles out and Hernandez goes for a back body drop but is blocked! Storm counters with a gutbuster! Hernandez stumbles back and Storm hits a superkick! Hernandez crumples from the blow and Storm staggers towards his corner, where Roode has just gotten onto the apron. Storm tags in Roode! Roode comes in and hits Hernandez with some forearm shots then turns the big man around and with a wiggle of the hips, hits the RUDE AWAKENING. Roode goes for the pin 1....2... Hernandez kicks out! Roode runs and hits a shoulderblock on Puma, sending him off the apron. James Storm comes into the ring, realizing it's going to take all the beer and all the money to put the big man away. They grab Hernandez and hit a double suplex! Roode grabs Hernandez's legs and pulls back, catapulting him to Storm who hits a DDT! Storm goes for the pin: 1.....2.... Puma comes in to break it up! Roode jumps from behind Puma to hit a rolling neckbreaker! Storm picks up the luchador and hits a Samoan drop while Roode hits another neckbreaker! Both men are out! Double pin 1....2... no both kick out!

Roode and Storm go back to focus on Hernandez, going to set him up for the DWI but Puma hits a gamen giri on storm from behind! Storm is staggered! Puma ducks a lariat from Roode and hits the ropes for momentum. He rolls underneath another Roode lariat then pops up, jumping into the air and catching Storm in a front facelock...hanging momentarily in the air then....DDT! Puma pops up and dodges a spear from Roode, who hits Hernandez! Puma turns and goes after Storm! Storm staggers towards the corner but Puma jumps up from behind him, POISONED RANA.... NO STORM BLOCKS IT! Puma is hanging off Storm's back! Roode hits a shotgun dropkick right into Puma's face! Storm pulls Puma up, then spins him into a powerbomb position. Roode is ready! The crowd is hyped, it's Happy Hour ladies and gentlemen! Storm powerbombs him into Roode's neckbreaker! DRINKING WHILE INVESTING! Storm goes for the pin 1....2....3... Your champs retain!

**************************************************************************

Austin Aries comes out to the ring, mic in hand! "Well, you know what they always say. Plans change, right? And lemme tell ya, they change for the dumbest of reasons, and tonight is no different! It appears my opponent for the night, the, spoiler alert, FORMER X Division champion Brian Kendrick, has not only ducked a fight with me, he's up and left the whole loving company, abandoning you all and leaving the title... vacant. Why, you ask? Well, to that, I say, I'm surprised. Not that that loser ran away, though. I'm surprised that the mass of beta cucks in the crowd don't get the actions of one of their own! Cause, you see, there are two types of people in the world. There are ALPHAS, those with GAME, who can get anything and everything in the world that they desire, and then there's the Betas, people like Kendrick, people like you losers in... whatever fuckin' hick town this shithole is, who don't have any game to speak of, and are only fit to take the scraps we Alphas leave behind. I knew Kendrick was a Beta from day one, but recently he's been really showing off his cmplete lack of testosterone with all that nerd poo poo he was doin'. I mean, come the gently caress on, LE Brian Kendrick. Do I look like I speak Mexican, man? It's no wonder that a wimp like him wouldn't want to fight a stud like me, and honestly I don't blame him for leaving, cause you see, THAT BETA CUCK BITCH BOY INCEL SPENGLER COULDN'T MATCH UP TO ME ON ANY NIGHT! So I say, considering the circumstances, we just go ahead and declare my victory by forfeit, so you cucks can all get to worshipping your NEW X Division champion, THE AMERICAN ALPHA, AUSTIN ARIES!"

"Now where the gently caress's that be-" Aries is interrupted by ERIC YOUNG'S MUSIC! Aries is initially shocked, but his expression quickly turns to an evil grin when he sees that Young is clearly putting quite some effort in even making it to the ring, various parts of his body covered in KT tape. Young slides in to the ring and Aries attacks him immediately! No time for intros, the ref rings the bell and this match is underway! Aries works on Young's taped up back and neck, delivering vicious stops to the injured man. It was a herculean effort just to show up for this match! Aries drops down and gets Young in a headlock, maybe trying for that bridging arm triangle choke already! Young manages to pry Aries' hands off him and rolls out to the apron. Aries follows and immediately hits a jumping knee, sending Young sprawling to the outside. Aries poses around the ring for a bit, then goes out to pursue Young. As soon as Aries hits the mat on the outside Young hits him with a superkick! However, his taped up knee buckles underneath his weight and he is unable to capitalize! Aries is momentarily staggered, but smiles and grabs Young and slams his face into the apron! Aries rolls him into the ring, then hits a springboard missile dropkick before Young can even make it to his feet! Young goes sprawling towards the opposite ropes, putting him in perfect position for Aries as he runs over, hurdles his prone opponent and hits a Lionsault! Aries goes for the pin 1...2...kick out!

Young is in obvious pain as Aries again goes to work on him with another grounded headlock, sliding his hand underneath his opponent's head and trapping his arm. D'Arce choke! Aries can't get the bridge for leverage, but the damage to Young's neck has to be bad at this point! Young manages to free himself and gets to his feet. His eyes are glazed over, he's gasping for air but he's still in this match! Aries comes at him looking for an elbow but Young grabs him, belly to belly suplex! Young goes for the pin: 1....Aries kicks out! Young is just not able to even get a solid cover, he's in a world of hurt. Young works on Aries, trying to go for a figure four but eats a kick to the face! Aries gets up and sends Young into the ropes, Aries hits a Japanese arm drag! Aries picks up Young and sends him into the corner, then follows up with a dropkick! "Boom goes the IED!" Yikes, Taz. Aries pulls young out of the corner then hits a Saito suplex! He starts strutting around the ring, letting the crowd know he is the one true American Alpha in TNA! Aries picks up Young and hits the rolling fireman's carry, then transitions immediately into the bridging arm triangle choke!
"HE'S GOT IT IN! THE FALSE FLAG! WE CAN ALL SEE IT'S CLEARLY A FALSE FLAG! JET FUEL CAN'T MELT STEEL BEAMS MAURO!"
"You've been watching too much Infowars, Tenay"
Young taps out after only a few seconds! Your new X Division Champion, The American Alpha Austin Aries!

**************************************************************************

AJ Styles comes to the ring with his Boys, posing and preening with them as he struts around the ring. Suddenly, he is interrupted by Christopher Daniels' music! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uv7ebdJp8o4 Daniels has a microphone and stops at the top of the entrance ramp. "So I'm glad to see our lost little bird has come for his rear end whipping. That's perfect, because I'm here to deliver it to you!" Daniels slowly starts making his way down the ramp towards ringside. "Poor Frankie, he is so distraught over your betrayal he can't make it out tonight! So I'm here to deliver the beating on his behalf!" He slides into the ring and throws the microphone into AJ's face!

The ref rings the bell as AJ staggers back from the microphone to the face! Daniels immediately hits a drop kick, sending AJ sprawling across the ring. Daniels relentlessly pursues Styles picking him up and sending him into the ropes. AJ bounces back and is caught Daniels who hits a sidewalk slam! Daniels goes for the pin out of instinct then stops and stands up. No....no Daniels isn't going to end this early. He's going to make the Tango Turkey suffer in front of his boys! Daniels picks AJ up for a powerbomb but it gets reversed into a hurricanrana! Daniels rolls through and pops up just in time to catch a vicious pair of leg kicks. Daniels ducks underneath a spinning backfist and grabs AJ with a rear waistlock, but his attempt at a German suplex is thwarted by a couple of quick elbows from the Tango Turkey. AJ goes for the Pele kick but it gets caught by Daniels! He slams AJ's knee hard into the mat and tries to transition into the Koji Clutch but AJ rolls him through and tries for the Calf Killer but the Fallen Angel manages to hold on to one of AJ's legs and transitions into a knee bar! An excellent display of technical wrestling from these two veterans! Styles frees his leg and kicks Daniels in the face with his heel! Daniels relinquishes the hold and both men kip up to their feet! AJ sprints at Daniels, who sidesteps him. AJ goes into the ropes and comes back, Daniels leapfrogs him and rolls back onto his shoulders for a roll through but Styles stops his momentum and delivers a vicious kick to Daniels' chest! AJ steps forward and deadlifts Daniels for a german....no he plants Daniels face down with a sitout slam! Styles rolls Daniels over for the pin, clutching one of his opponents' legs for leverage. 1....2...Daniels kicks out!

The Fallen Angel recovers and throws a kick, but its get caught by Styles. Daniels quickly follows up with an Enziguri! The Turkey stumbles and Daniels picks him up in a fireman's carry...sit out death valley driver! Daniels pops up and sprints, jumping onto the middle rope....BEST. MOONSAULT. EVER. He doesn't even bother with the pin! He pulls AJ into a sitting position then runs into the ropes and hits the low diving clothesline to the back of AJ's neck! Daniels quickly pulls him back up, smiling at the crowd. "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ABANDON YOUR FRIENDS!" He shouts, then plants AJ with the STO! AJ rolls away to the outside to recover! His boys quickly come over and fan their prone....uhh.....friend? "I don't know what kind of relationship this is, guys." The Boys are concentrating on fanning AJ with all their might, giving the Daniels the opening to hit a springboard plancha, taking out both of the Boys! AJ gets to his feet, enraged that his Boys have been attacked! He throws a vicious superman forearm to Daniels, then throws him into the ringpost! AJ checks on his Boys, then hops on the apron and hits a somersault senton onto Daniels! AJ rolls through to his feet then hops up on the barricade and hits a moonsault onto the prone Daniels! The tango turkey is in attack mode, folks! AJ rolls him into the ring then hits a springboard 450! He hooks the leg for the pin: 1....2...NO! Daniels gets a shoulder up. AJ hits a superkick, then a spinning kick, then a pele kick in quick succession! What a combo! Daniels is staggering and AJ hits him with a snap suplex into the turnbuckle! Daniels slumps to the mat and AJ struts around a bit, posing for the crowd then picking his opponent up and getting him in the Styles clash....wait no what is this....kneeling ganso bomb! THE GOBBLEPOINT!

As AJ is about to pose a bit more he is interrupted by the sound of steel on flesh! KAZARIAN HAS COME OUT OF THE CROWD AND IS LAYING INTO THE BOYS WITH A STEEL CHAIR! AJ is in shock! He takes a step forward but Daniels grabs his foot, holding him back as Kazarian continues to viciously beat the boys, taunting Styles the whole time! Styles shakes the hand off and prepares for a springboard maneuver when Daniels jumps on his back! Daniels wraps his leg around the front of AJ's neck and locks his hands around his throat! STANDING KOJI CLUTCH! THE CHRISTO! AJ staggers back and lets out a gurgling howl as Kazarian punishes his Boys! Styles tries to reach the ropes but the Fallen Angel increases the force on the hold! Styles falls to one knee and screams, reaching out to his boys as they reach towards him from outside the ring. Kazarian is standing over them and screaming at AJ "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?! I'M GOING TO KILL YOUR loving BOYS YOU loving JUDAS!" Styles cries out again, this time in rage! He lets out an inhuman cry and flips Daniels off, then locks in the Calf Killer! He reaches back with one arm and wraps it around Daniels' neck, pulling the Fallen Angel's head back; wrenching his spine while crushing his calf against the bone! Daniels taps! Styles is the winner! Styles immediately releases the hold and goes after Kaz! Kazarian evades Styles as Daniels rolls out of the ring. Both men head up the ramp while AJ stops to check on his Boys. THIS IS NOT THE END OF THIS, FOLKS

**************************************************************************

THE SIRENS HIT! IT'S TIME FOR SCOTT loving STEINER! Steiner comes down to the ring for his First Round Best at Super Hossing Tournament Match presented by Hoss's Loaded Burgers! He grabs a mic and starts shouting. "HOGAN YOU loving PUSSY! GET OUT HERE AND TELL ME WHO I'M FACING OR I'M COMING AFTER YOU WITH A BASEBALL BAT LIKE I DID YOUR LITTLE BITCH BISCHOFF" Hogan's music hits and he comes to the top of the ramp "Let me tell you something Steiner! You put one of my best friends in a coma! He may never loving wake up! You're gonna pay! You're gonna pay with your blood, brother! YOU'RE FACING THE MONSTER TONIGHT, ABYSS!"

Abyss comes out, carrying a trash can full of weapons. Hogan nods at him and points Steiner. Abyss smiles underneath the mask, slowly making his way to the ring. He throws the trash can into the ring and gets in, Steiner staring him down the entire time. The bell rings, this match is on! Abyss reaches into the trash can and pulls out a 2x4! He charges at Steiner and swings the 2x4, but Steiner sidesteps and hits him with a German suplex! Steiner picks up the 2x4 and cracks Abyss across the face as he gets up! Abyss hits the mat and and Steiner follows up by continuing to beat on Abyss with the 2x4. He tosses it aside and goes for a quick Steiner Recliner but Abyss pulls Steiner down by the leg and starts hammering on him! Abyss tries to choke Steiner but Steiner muscles his way out of it and both men stand up! They start brawling and throwing forearms to each other, yelling like madmen!

Steiner goes for the irish whip and Abyss hits the ropes and tries to shoulder block Steiner, but he shakes his head and points to the ropes for Abyss to try again. Abyss hits the ropes and comes back with a big boot! Steiner staggers and Abyss follows up with a big lariat. Abyss scurries over to his trash can and pulls out a baseball bat! Steiner gets to his knees only to eat a baseball bat to the gut! Abyss follows up with another shot to the back, sending Steiner down to the mat. Abyss goes for another blow but Steiner catches the bat! He kicks Abyss in the knee, then turns the bad and jabs it into the monster's groin! Abyss crumples as Steiner gets to his feet and drops down, jabbing the bat into Abyss's chest! Steiner tosses the bat to the side and picks Abyss up, then hits an exploder into the corner! He picks up the monster and sets him on the top turnbuckle. Steiner climbs up...is he going for the frankensteiner?!?!

Abyss quickly regains his bearings while Steiner is getting set up and shoves him off, sending him flying to the mat!. Abyss hits a diving elbow drop! He goes for the pin: 1....2...Steiner gets a shoudler off the mat! Abyss gets frustrated and grabs the trash can full of weapons then just throws it on Steiner! Various blunt objects and implements of pain spill out over the mat. Abyss hits a big boy senton on the prone Steiner, then goes for a pin: 1.....2... Steiner kicks out! Abyss stands up and delivers a kick to Steiner's face. The Monster steps back towards the pile of weapons and picks up a bag and opens it, smiling at Steiner as he spills thumbtacks out over the mat. Abyss grabs Steiner in a front facelock, trying to lift him up for a suplex but Steiner blocks it! Steiner reverses and picks up Abyss, then hits the drop suplex right onto the thumbtacks! Abyss writhes in pain as they pierce his flesh! Both men are gassed by this point, Steiner stumbling to the weapons.

He picks up the baseball bat and throws it at Abyss, then follows up by chucking a fire extinguisher at him! The monster groans and writhes around in pain trying to get to his feet as Steiner comes over with a Singapore cane! He cracks the Monster multiple times, then turns to the crowd and flexes. Abyss is bleeding badly from the thumbtacks and has a head wound from the cane! Steiner yells "IT'S loving OVER!" Steiner picks Abyss up and locks his arms around the Monster's neck, holding the Singapore for additional force. STEINER FLATLINER! Steiner quickly climbs on the Monster's back and puts him in the Steiner Recliner, using the Singapore cane for extra leverage to choke Abyss! Abyss screams and waves his arms, but resistance to Big Poppa Pump is ultimately futile. Abyss taps out, Steiner is your winner!

**************************************************************************

The camera cuts backstage to show Bischoff moving as the Doctors watch the match on a TV. "Jesus, he's going to need multiple stitches. Someone get a suture tray.." Suddenly, the camera pans to Bischoff. His eyes flutter open as he takes a few raspy breaths. One of the nurses looks up "Doctor, the Patient seems to be waking up!" The medical team rushes to Bischoff's bedside as he makes some sort of muffled noise. It's almost impossible to tell with the breathing tube in place. The doctors quickly pull out the tube as one of the nurses rubs a moist sponge in and around Bischoff's mouth. He takes a deep gasp and starts....laughing? Bischoff is laughing! The entire team stands in stunned silence as Bischoff starts tearing out his IV tubes and EKG/EEG monitors. "What the gently caress?" one of them mutters as Bischoff gets out of bed and stumbles, his legs weak from atrophy. He slowly crawls to a crate on wheels and pulls himself up, using the crate to scoot along. The medical team watches in silence as Bischoff makes his way slowly down the hallway.

**************************************************************************

Alright folks, it's time for the main event! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkbKAp3YTgw Jeff Jarrett comes down to the ring with his signature guitar, talking poo poo to the crowd the entire way. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCF9-FvaR7k Sting comes out, wearing the title and carrying his baseball bat. Both men wait in their corners for the introductions. "Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for your main event. This match is for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship and is an Immortal Diamond Of Doom Death Match! Your challenger: from Nashville, Tennessee and weighing in at 229 pounds...Jeff Jarrett! And your champion: from Every Man's Nightmare, weighing in at 250 pounds...STING!" Sting raises his bat high and stares down Jarrett. Both men move towards the center of the ring and the ref rings the bell. This match is on! Both men go in for a collar and elbow tie up. Sting ends up with a wrist lock, wrenching Jarrett's arm as he gets the leverage. Jarrett reverses into a wrist lock of his own, then puts Sting in a headlock. Sting sends Jarret into the ropes, then hits a dropkick catching Jarrett on the rebound! Sting goes for a quick pin: 1...Jarret kicks out!

Sting picks Jarret up and hits him with a vicious knife edge chop! Jarrett returns the favor! Both men exchange chops then Sting tosses Jarrett into the corner and goes for a Stinger Splash but no one's home! Sting hits the top turnbuckle and staggers back. Jarrett goes for thequick schoolboy roll up: 1....Sting kicks out! Both men go at each other with some vicious forearms, then Sting goes for an Irish Whip but Jarrett reverses into a swinging neckbreaker! Sting sits up only to eat a shotgun dropkick from Jarrett! Jarrett quickly moves in for a crossface but Sting reverses the hold into a sleeper! Jarrett refuses to submit! He gets a hand in under Sting's arm and breaks out of the hold, both men scrambling to their feet. Jarrett comes in for a short arm lariat but Sting ducks and catches Jarrett underneath the chin, readying for the Scorpion Death Drop! Jarrett turns the hold over and tries for the Stroke! Sting stops the leg sweep but gets a knee to the gut and a powerbomb for his efforts! Jarrett goes for the pin: 1...2... Sting kicks out! Jarret potatoes Sting with a vicious uppercut then hits him with a scoop powerslam and quickly locks in a figure four! Sting fights back in obvious pain and manages to turn the hold over and reverse the pressure! Jarret releases and scrambles away, going for his guitar. Sting kicks him in the ribs, then picks up and irish whips Jarrett into the corner and follows up with a Stinger splash! Jarrett staggers out and Sting hits an inverted atomic drop, freezing Jarrett in his tracks. Sting hits the ropes and goes for a slingshot crossbody! Sting hooks the leg for a pin: 1....2... Jarrett kicks out!

Sting quickly gets Jarrett up and pops him with a right hand, but Jarrett retaliates with a kick to the ding ding! Sting doubles over and Jarrett retrieves his guitar and cracks the Champion over the head! Jarrett struts his stuff around the ring, celebrating his forthcoming victory! We may have a new champion, folks! Jarrett goes for the pin: 1.....2...STING KICKS OUT!! Sting is battered, his facepaint smeared from the guitar shot but he struggles to his feet. Jarrett seems exasperated, pulling Sting up for a suplex but Sting blocks with his leg! He unleashes a vicious knife edge chop to Jarrett's throat! Jarrett's face goes red as he staggers back, giving Sting an opening for a powerbomb! Sting goes for the prawn cover...no he grabs Jarrett's legs and puts him in the Scorpion Death Lock! Jarrett fights but can't hold on and taps! STING RETAINS!

**************************************************************************

The ref hands Sting the title and he holds it high, drinking in the cheers of the crowd. His victory celebration is suddently interrupted as Immortal comes streaming down the ramp and come towards the ring. Suddenly, Bischoff's music hits! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oSqS-M1LYA Bischoff stumbles out of the entrance way onto the ramp, blood dripping down his arms from tearing out his IV tubes. He screams something but the microphones are not able to catch it. All the members of Immortal are in complete shock as Sting slips away through the crowd. This has been Hardcore Justice folks, see you on Impact!


Apologies it took so long, had to write up the bulk of it on my own. Shout out to Senerio for giving us a hand and writing the Bully Ray-Shelley match and Junpei for writing the Knockouts match. Not Bad for our first PPV!

Jenkem Delivery fucked around with this message at Feb 17, 2017 around 06:28

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

#RXT REVOLUTION~!
2000



future scoopin'...


Now that Smackdown's writer issues are resolved and TNA's got their PPV up, its time to kick this game back into gear!



Monday Night Raw, August 8 2011, San Jose California posted:


Well its midnight, drat right, we're wound up too tight!

***

NO CHANCE! Vince McMahon stormed the ring to kick off Raw, looking looking even more pissed-off than usual. "CUT THAT drat MUSIC! CUT IT! You people all think this is a big JOKE, don't you? You think that human garbage can go to that crap-hole San Diego and tell Rey Mysterio HE'S giving out title shots and get away with it?! You think he can go on Jimmy Kimmel and embarrass me in front of the entire world?! IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK!?" The crowd's CM Punk chants are red hot as Cole tries to talk over Lawler explaining what Vince is talking about. The Boss lets out a near-rabid "SHUT UP, DAMNIT!" The chants only grow louder "That title isn't his! It's MINE! I own it! I! OWN! HIM!"

Finally spent, Vince tries to collect himself as he practically downs in Punk chants. At last, he starts again with a more steady voice. "In the realm of Sports Entertainment, my opinion is the only opinion that is worth a drat. And here's my opinion: I never cared about the 'legacy,' of that championship he's parading around with! I hated the stinking guts of every ungrateful prima donna who have ever carried the drat thing! So as of today, just like THAT MAN, the WWE Championship is ERASED! He has ruined it just by laying his filthy hands on it, and Vince McMahon has no use for DAMAGED. GOODS. As of tonight, the tournament final at Summerslam is for a brand new Championship! A Championship who's worth comes from the only source that matters: ME!"

"So, now that that's settled, I've got one more piece of business to take care of. I hear there's somebody you and your 'hero,' want to see on Television. Consider your wish granted. Ladies and Gentlemen: Zach Ryder." Zach makes his way down the ramp with a bit of hesitation, but stands tall as the Chairman confronts him. "Zack, you've developed quite a little following, haven't you? So much so that certain people think that I'm... misusing you, that you've got untapped potential. What do you think?"

Zack slowly takes off his shades, his eyes practically burning. "Are you... misusing me? ARE YOU SERIOUS, BRO?" The crowd pops! "I've worked myself to the bone for this company for SIX YEARS and you have the gall to ask if you're misusing me? When I was a rookie you put me in the ring against veterans so I could get crushed, and I endured it! You made me a meat-shield for Edge on Smackdown, taking bombs from the Undertaker, and I endured it! After all that suffering and pain, I won the Tag Team Championship with Curt Hawkins... and you split our team and sent me to ECW! I endured it, started from scratch, made a new identity, got a smokin' hot babe named Rosa Mendez, fought a legend named Tommy Dreamer in his retirement match, and when ECW got shut down I finally, FINALLY made it to my dream, Monday Night Raw... and the next thing I knew, Rosa was drafted to Smackdown and I was off TV for a year! Are you misusing me, Mr. McMahon? Should I be in the hunt with the top guys instead of an afterthought? Should I be out here every week when the fans constantly chant 'We Want Ryder?' Woo. Woo. Woo. YOU KNOW IT!"

This rant seems to leave Vince fuming, and he simply says, "Then allow me to welcome you to the spotlight. I hope its everything you wanted." Alberto Del Rio's music hits, and Vince calls for a referee! We've got an impromptu match!

***

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) vs Zack Ryder! Ricardo seems to be ranting about the Sharks being bad at hockey in Spanish as he announces Alberto, who drives into the arena in a 2010 Audi RA, worth $130,000!



Interestingly, Mr. McMahon joins the commentary team, and The bout begins in vicious fashion with Alberto immediately laying in with knife-edges and a release German Suplex right on Zack's head. Alberto doesn't have a strategy as far as Lawler can tell, as all he seems focused on is causing pain in as many parts of Zack's body as possible, and then taunting him over it. He suggests this is a big mistake with a competitor like Zach, but Vince just eggs Alberto on with every blow, shouting for him to 'teach them all a lesson.'

Suddenly, Ryder turns the tide with a huge swinging neckbreaker! He adds a slingshot crossbody that earns him a two, and then throws Alberto into the corner! Del Rio slumps down... and Zach delivers the Broski Boot! 1! 2! KICK OUT! The Iced Z smells blood in the water, and goes for an Irish Whip, but Alberto reverses and delivers a BIG BACK BODY DROP! "Whatta Maneuver!" is Vince's roar of approval as Del Rio seems to be done with torture and now dedicates all his efforts to tearing apart Ryder's left knee. The attack is savage, and Zack is quickly limping.

Del Rio kicks the weakened leg and stalks Zach for the kneeling Superkick he used to hospitalize Big Show... but Zach dodges! He comes back with a inverted lifting DDT, and climbs the turnbuckle looking for the Rough Ryder... but in mid-ascent, his leg seems to give out! Del Rio delivers his step-up enzugiri, and Ryder collapses! He is totally defenseless as Del Rio applies a variation on his Cross-Armbreaker to the damaged left knee! Ryder taps within moments, giving Del Rio the win But he refuses to release the hold! As Vince shouts on the mic to not let go no matter what, officials stream to the ring to try and separate them by force. The way Zach clutches at that leg, the damage seems to have been done by the time they pry Del Rio off.

***

The Bellas were walking backstage when they found none other than William Regal. The sight of two lovely young ladies causes him to dismiss his production stooge and adopt a suave demeanor. They saddle up beside him and each grab and arm, pressing up against his body. "Mr. Regal, my sister Brie and I have been been looking for someone to... take care of our needs. We need a REAL man. Now, we know you're one of the people in charge of FCW, the developmental division, and we've been hearing rumors about particular guy. Surely a Real Man's Man such as yourself would know all about him?"

Regal, impressively, manages to keep his cool, although his voice does squeak slightly when he first speaks. "You *ahem* You're looking for a real man you say? Well, ladies, you are in luck. There's one fellow in particular who's about to debut on the main roster, and I think tha-"

The chat is interrupted by Mason Ryan. "Good God William, you're not giving these strumpets the time of day, are you? Don't let them charm you into feeding them some poor sod so they can leech out his blood."

Regal bristles. "First off, you'll address me as Mr. Regal, not William. Being from the United Kingdom doesn't give you bloody first name privileges with me. Second, if you're so sure the young man I was planning to direct the Bella Twins toward can't take care of himself, you should have no problem beating him. Next week on Raw, its going to be Mason Ryan taking on my REAL man from FCW." Mason shakes his head and mutters 'Silly pillock...' under his breath. Regal sniffs indignantly.

***

Mason Ryan vs Local Jobber! A tall skinny dude in pink tights with hair straight off a mop was waiting in the ring after the commercial. I didn't catch his name but I bet he wishes he could go back to Yesterday and change his mind about showing up. Mason took out all his frustrations on the lad for a few minutes, shrugging off a few knee strikes like they were nothing before finally pinning him off the full-nelson slam.

***

Santino Marella is backstage with the doctors as they check on Zack's leg. He is clearly beside himself, constantly getting in the doctor's way. "Dok-tor, please, will he lose it? Does he have the greengan? I will gladly donate my spleen EEF EET WEELL HELP!"

The trainer begs Santino to let him work, so Zack grits his teeth through the pain and tries to reassure his partner. "I told you bro, this is- AHhhh... this is nothing serious. By Summerslam I won't even feel it. Those titles are as good as ours."

Santino looks less than totally convinced, and matters aren't helped when Otunga and McGillicutty kick in the infirmary door. "Well, well, McG, what do we have here? Looking for a doctor's note to get out of gym class Zack?" "Come on Dave, you know they don't have schools in Long Island. He's probably just here because he fell down the stairs of his mom's basement"

Zack is seething, and looks like he wants to jump across the room and throttle the two bullies, leg or no leg, but Santino steps up. "You two think you're so big-time because you're a fancy law school and your daddy so famous! Well, you come in here to make fun of my friend when he's hurt, you cross a line you never think-a you cross again! If you don't walk out of this room by the time Santino counts to dre, The Cobra will snatch-a your stupid beards offa you face, and feed it to you! Uno!" He goes for the sock in his pants and slips it on as the Tag Champs share a laugh. "Due!" Santino sets the Cobra into position, and suddenly the champs seem less amused, bumping into each other as they step back. They make a threat about Sunday and depart. Santino clasps his friend's shoulder... with the Cobra hand. Zach lets out a fresh cry of pain until Santino quickly lets go.

***

Backstage, Ricky "The Dragon," Steamboat is speaking to some staff about his son. His talk is interrupted by a muscle-man with a Japanese letter tattooed on his chest. "Do you remember me, Steamboat? I'm Rene Dupree. When you started working here in 2005 I was already a Tag Team Champion, a blue chip prospect. Next thing I knew, I was being wished luck in my future endeavors. It took me years of fighting to get back, and what's the first thing I see? Your little videos, rambling about your brat being the NEW blue chip. I'm here to put you and him on notice: Now that I'm here, there's no room in this company for trash, no matter who its daddy is."

Ricky says the big man should have no problem backing up that threat in the ring, next week on Raw, as Richie's debut opponent! Dupree replies that Ricky should watch the next match closely. "It will let you imagine just what I'm going to do to you little boy. Bon Soir."

***

Alex Riley vs Rene Dupree! SAY IT TO MY FACE! Riley worked a hard-hitting style, and while Renee had a decent amount of offense and back-and-forth, A-Ry seemed to display a decisive edge in power toward the end. He set up Dupree for the TKO, but the Frenchman was able to slither free and hit a huge Cobra Clutch Slam! Dupree covered and secured his 3-Count.

***

"Welcome to the most Must-See Talk Show in WWE History, Miz TV! I'm your host, The Miz, along with my lovely co-host Maryse. And tonight is very special because tonight, you're all getting a Pay Per View preview. That's right, my guest is the man who will fight, and fall, before the might of The Miz at Summerslam. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, Rey Mysterio."

Rey heads to the ring seemingly unworried about Miz, taking the time to give a young one his spare mask and graciously accepting a chair opposite the host. "So Rey, here we are, just you and me. The final two in Mr. McMahon's tournament, two former World Champions, two former Wrestlemania Main Eventers, set to make history at Summerslam. And it looks like you got a special present earlier tonight, because its history you won't have to whine about. Mr. McMahon announced at the top of the show that the prize for this tournament will no longer be the WWE Championship, but a totally new title belt. How does that make you feel, Rey?"

Rey practically laughs. "I feel great. See Miz, this isn't something a person like you is likely to understand, but I care about the traditions of this sport. I care about my honor. So being named WWE Champion, a goal I've worked for my entire 22-year career, because I beat you and because Vince says that I am? That would be humiliating. Unlike you, I would consider it a black mark on my reputation. The only way I could accept being named WWE Champion, is by beating the WWE Champion, even if that meant taking him up on his offer and buying a ticket to Chicago!" After the pop for that line dies, Rey continues, "But a whole new title? That's a different story. Because despite what Vince said, he is not the one who decides what that title is worth. The ones who do that are you, me, and the fans, in 6 days at Summerslam. And remember this Miz: I'm going to make it worth a lot. I'm ready to pay a price in blood and pain you've never even imagined, because I know that's what it takes to change a piece of leather and metal into a Championship! The question is, Miz... are you willing to pay that price? Because if you're not, you will NEVER beat me."

Miz actually smirks. "I wouldn't understand, huh? I've got no honor. Its amazing how little you 'veterans,' understand me. You think you can lump me in with the rear end-kissers and write me off as a crony who's only at this level because he was gifted opportunities, right? That's why you assume I have no respect for tradition. I've got a news flash for you Rey Rey, if you think I'm a pawn for Vince McMahon, you've already lost. I'm in this game for one person, and one person only, and that is THE MIZ. But you're right about one thing: I don't give a drat about tradition. Tradition is why 'veterans,' like you got to kick me out of the locker room and make me dress in the hallway over imagined slights when I was a rookie. Tradition is why every news outlet on the planet was talking about The Rock the night after I main-evented the most-watched Wrestlemania in history. I hate tradition. If Vince had wanted to call me the WWE Champion, I would have accepted it gladly just because it would mean I got to spit right in tradition's face! But this, this is better. This new title means tradition is dead, and The Miz is going to put a big stake right through its heart. This title is going to be MY TITLE. Not yours, not Vince's, not WWE's, and certainly not the fans. MINE. And as for your 'price,' you better believe I'm willing to pay it. There will be pain, and blood, to make that Championship real. And the best part is that we both agree: the pain and the blood that get paid are going to be yours."

***

Throw to Cole after the commercial. "Another explosive episode of Miz TV! Well, folks, coming up later tonight you don't want to miss our tag team main event! Can Rey Mysterio and The Miz back up their words when they team with Justin Gabriel and Dolph Ziggler? Also, I've just been informed of some breaking news: Justin Gabriel will face Dolph Ziggler one-on-one for the WWE United States Championship, this Sunday at Summerslam! We'll have comments on this from Gabriel for you later tonight.

***

Drew McIntyre (w/ Jack Swagger) vs Evan Bourne (w/ Kofi Kingston)! Bourne took control of the early match, showing off that crowd-pleasing aerial offense. However, Drew hit a devastating Big Boot to stun Evan and a lifting sit-out spinebuster to secure a close 2-count. Finding a second win off the near-fall, Drew focused on Bourne's lower body to try and keep him grounded. Bourne's attempts to fight back were cut off at every turn as Drew set up for a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker, but in mid-spin Bourne was finally able to counter and deliver a Tornado DDT!

Despite still being daze, Evan immediately went up the Turnbuckle, looking for Air Bourne... but Swagger jumped up on the apron and started shouting! Kofi quickly pulled Jack down, starting a brawl at ringside, but the distraction was enough for McIntyre to hit the ropes and crotch Evan on the turnbuckle. The Chosen One grabbed his helpless victim by the neck and dragged him back to the mat, quickly planting him with the Future Shock DDT. The 1, 2, 3 was academic.

***

Justin Gabriel was backstage meditating when a voice off-screen calls out to him. "Excuse me, citizen!" The crowd pops as we pan out to a familiar face!



"Gregory Helms, Ace Reporter here. I'm looking for the scoop on your battle against the force of evil that is Dolph Ziggler!" Gabriel seems a bit bewildered by the outfit, but shrugs and tells him to ask away "Between your tournament match, the savage sleeper hold last week, tonight's Main Event, and a US title match at Summerslam, your feud with that near-do-well is starting to look like A Never-Ending Battle. But you came into Raw declaring Mr. Ziggler as your arch-enemy, so some might say you brought everything on yourself. So, my readers want to know... WASSUP WID DAT?!"

"Its like I said on the night I arrived: Dolph Ziggler represents everything wrong with this company. He could be one of the best, but instead he's a brown-noser who gets things handed to him by sucking up. Right now in WWE, thanks to that guy in Chicago, there's support for the Dolph Zigglers to get knocked off their pedestals by the guys who have been kept down. Heart can win out over business. But see, now there's more. Despite hating what he represents, before I didn't have a personal problem with Dolph. Then he cost me the finals and knocked me out with that Sleeper Hold, like the petty child that he is. So now, I've got a personal problem, and he's going to find out first hand what happens when I set the athlete aside and let the beast come out. Tonight, and at Summerslam, The Cape Town Werewolf is on the hunt."

***

"Wow, Gabriel with some strong words about Dolph Ziggler," Cole exclaims. The feed changes to another area backstage showing Kelly Kelly walking through a hall with the divas title over her shoulder. "And coming after the break, we'll be seeing the lovely Raw Divas in action as the Divas Champion, Kelly Kelly, takes on Maryse! You won't want to mi-" Before Cole can finish his sentence, Natalya Neidhart bursts through a door and ambushes Kelly from behind!

K2 is down for the count, but Nattie continues her assault by grabbing whatever she can find in the hall and bludgeoning her victim with it, yelling about how much of a disgrace Kelly is to the real women wrestlers in the WWE. Eventually satisfied with the beatdown she's dealt out, Natalya walks off as backstage security and medical officials check on Kelly.

***

John Morrison (w/ Melina) vs R-truth! This was a highly athletic contest with some great moves on display, but considering neither man has a feud going on there wasn't all that much to say other than that it was a really well-worked bout. Morrison won after hitting the Starship Pain.

***

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler and Vikki Guerrero are muttering to each other when Ace Reporter Gregory Helms rises up from the bottom of the frame. "Dolph! Vickie! Are you aware of Justin Gabriel's comments concerning your upcoming Summerslam Match? I mean, WASSUP WID-"

"EXCUUUUUUSE ME! I don't know who you think you are, but my client doesn't have to answer to the press!"

Helms seems stymied by Vikkie, but Ziggler brushes past her. "Listen, you little grease stain, I don't care what Gabriel said. In case you missed it, last week I took him out and put him to sleep, and I didn't even break a sweat doing it. Justin Gabriel may be good, but he's no Show-Off. And nobody else is either. I'll beat him, I'll beat Rey Mysterio, and I'll retain the US Title at Summerslam. How's that for a scoop?" His piece said, Ziggler leads Vikki to the curtain.

***

The Main Event! Rey Mysterio and Justin Gabriel vs The Miz (w/ Maryse) and Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vikki Guerrero)! Justin and Miz started off the action, and it became clear pretty quickly that Miz was outclassed in terms of athleticism. Justin was able to run circles around him with high-impact offense, hitting multiple springboard moves and dropkicks, but to Miz's credit he kicked out of every cover. A thumb to the eye out of the referee's sight turned the tide, and allowed Miz to tag in Ziggler.

The Show-Off proved a much better match for Gabriel, matching his pace and going move for move until a momentary opening allows for a snap Superkick! Gabriel goes down and is covered, but he gets a foot under the ropes to avoid a pin. Ziggler switches to the ground game to keep his opponent stuck in neutral, and the heels begin a double-team strategy, rapidly tagging and focusing heavily on holds and corner stomps. Things look bleak for Gabriel as Miz picks him up for a Power Bomb... but he counters with a sunset flip, and then rolls through into a dive to give Rey a truly spectacular hot tag! Rey runs wild on Miz, delivering kick after kick from seemingly every possible direction, and punctuating with a Halo DDT! 1! 2! Ziggler breaks up the pin, then drops a half-dozen rapid-fire elbows on Rey despite him still being on top of his partner!

Miz seems dead to the world from those elbows as Ziggler drags him back to their corner despite the referee's protests and blind tags himself in. The US Champion pounces on Rey, not showing an ounce of mercy, and then locks in the Sleeper Hold! Rey fades quickly, and the ref drops his hand once... twice... THRE-NO! Rey is alive and forces himself to his feet despite Ziggler putting all his weight on the Luchador's back! Rey powers back into the corner, the impact forcing Dolph to break the hold! Rey stumbles around the ring for a moment as Ziggler goes for his corner, but The Miz isn't there! He's heading up the ramp, abandoning Ziggler as a receipt for the elbow drops! Rey finds his second wind and gives Dolph a twisting Hurricanrana right onto the second rope! DIAL IT UP, COLE! 619! Dolph staggers back from the kick and collapses, and Rey tags in Gabriel! The Cape Town Werewolf scales the turnbuckle, his prey dead in his sights... and hits the 450 Splash! 1! 2! 3! The good guys win and celebrate, as Miz shouts from the ramp that on Sunday Rey won't have a partner to save him.

***

Great go-home show! Sadly the main brought things down just a bit due to poor chemistry of the face team. Overall it was a B

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013

Finally, the #BROKEN Matt Hardy Brand is brought into the future, Brother Nero!


Good stuff, Raw. Now that Gregory Helms is a backstage reporter again all you need is to hire Pirate Paul Burchill to make me the biggest fan of your show.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

You're tense, I'm calm. You apply excessive force, I
*snap*
OHHHH HECKUMS


Shoutout to Sanguinia for doing a lot of writing last night to make sure we could mostly hit the deadline.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!



Wrote up a whole episode before realizing it's one we already posted :picard:

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

You're tense, I'm calm. You apply excessive force, I
*snap*
OHHHH HECKUMS


Basic Chunnel posted:

Wrote up a whole episode before realizing it's one we already posted :picard:



(seriously though that suuuuucks)

Jenkem Delivery
Feb 8, 2005

Death created time to grow the things that it would kill

This is Jeremy D. Borash here. Unfortunately I ended up getting locked in a utility closet by Immortal during Hardcore Justice so I couldn't be there when the boss woke up. But never fear! I'll find out another way to get a promotion. Without further ado, here's Impact and Xplosion!



quote:


Impact opens with Hulk Hogan walking into his office, and sees Bischoff having a hushed conversation on the phone. Bischoff seems to be speaking with a....SPanish accent? "Next week, yes. Bring it. We'll use it....I assure you." After Bischoff hangs up, Hogan says how it's good to see him up and working again, that it hasn't been the same without him. Bischoff smiles...he seems....different. His hair is slicked back and he's wearing a dark suit and black dress shirt sans tie. "Well Hogan, it is great to be back. I feel, like a new man! I feel...reborn!" Bischoff says with a smile and a glint of....something in his eyes. He stands up from the desk and paces to the side, tapping his finger against his chin. "The old Eric Bischoff is dead. He died in that hospital bed, broken. I am a new man, I am...Enrico Bischoffo, and do not forget it!" Hogan stands there, absolutely...puzzled. "Uhhhh, ok...Enrico." Hogan smiles "I'm just glad to have you back, brother." Bishoff pats Hogan on the shoulder "Yes, and I have you to thank for bringing me back! If you didn't bring me to the Impact Zone to feel the....energy from Hardcore Justice, I would have never woken up. When I opened my eyes I saw Steiner choking a bloody Abyss and this thought was born in my barely conscious brain." Hogan nods, listening intenty.

"You see Hogan, I understood what the people want. I understood, at that moment what they NEEDED. They need violence!" Bischoffo laughed slapping Hogan on the back. Hogan nods slowly "I think I get it brother, you want to show the people some real violent poo poo." Bischoffo nods "Yes, you see?! Starting tonight, we will embark upon a journey. We will bring the greatest warriors and treasures to TNA. We will put on the most amazing, violent spectacle for the fans. That is what the people want!" Bischoffo walks over to the bar and pours a couple of drinks. "The only thing missing tonight, is gold. And we will give them gold! Every title will be defended tonight!" Hogan seems taken aback. "Every title? But Jarrett and Abyss aren't cleared after their matches last night." Bischoffo walks over with a couple glasses and hands Hogan one. "Ah yes, a small detail; very unfortunate. But they will get their chances, eventually. Right now, let us toast....TO VIOLENCE!" Hogan and Bischoffo toast with a clink of their glasses and smiles. "To violence, Brother."

***************************************************************************

Crimson faces Hernandez 1st round Best at Super Hossing (BASH presented by Hoss' Loaded Burgers) Match. Crimson hits the Red Sky on Hernandez for the pin

***************************************************************************

Okato is out with Samoa Joe for a match with Jack Evans. Shockingly to some, but seemingly not to Joe, Okato completely controls the match, before locking in the Red Ink for the submission victory.

***************************************************************************

Mickie James comes out to the ring and grabs a microphone, slinging the Knockouts belt over her taped up shoulder. "Unfortunately, tonight I am unable to compete due to an injury I suffered in my match at Hardcore Justice at the hands of those.....Joshi" she punctuates the sentence by spitting. "So tonight, I cannot defend my Knockouts Championship against Io Shirai. It's not happening, period. Doctor's orders!" Suddenly Velvet Sky's music hits and she comes to the top of the ramp. Before she can even start however, Bischoffo's music hits! Enrico Bischoffo is addressing the Impact Zone for the first time!!! Enrico smiles, stepping between the hot Skyjin wife and the ring. "Well Mickie, you're right. Without a doctor's clearance I cannot have you defend your title. However, I cannot bear to leave Io Shirai out of a match. She is an amazing purveyor of violence, as you well know from what happened to your friend Madison Rayne." Mickie snarls at that last barb, realizing she's on Bischoffo's poo poo list. "So I am going to add two more women to tonight's tag title match to make up for you and Io not competing. I'm making it a Triple Threat Tag Match for the Knockouts Tag Championship! It will be Brooke and Tara defending the Knockouts Tag Team titles against both the team of Angelina Love and Madison Rayne, AND Io and Mio Shirai!" Bischoffo grins as Mickie glares at him from the ring. He heads back up the ramp while the Hot Skyjin Wife beams.

***************************************************************************

In a match built from Xplosion (which we all know everyone watches), Tony Nese takes on "Mr. Olympic" Jeff Cobb. Try as he might, Nese is unable to overcome the size advantage of Cobb. Cobb smothers Nese and tosses him around like a rag doll. Cobb hits a series of rolling gutwrench suplexes then smoothly transitions the final suplex into a Wrath of the Cobb!
Our lovely announce team goes over a graphic for the BASH (presented by Hoss' Loaded Burgers), updated with the Steiner and Crimson victories.
In the first round of the BASH (presented by Hoss' Loaded Burgers), we get Kevin Steen against Michael Elgin. Michael Elgin gets occasional bits of offense, but the match is largely controlled by Steen. However, Elgin hits Steen with a MASSIVE lariat, then goes for a BIG BOY SENTON, which misses. As Elgin gets up, he gets tossed up into the air for a Papa Powerbomb, and then lifted for a Poutine Piledriver as Kevin Steen advances in the tournament.

***************************************************************************

Jenerikku (from Yamagata, Japan) comes out for a TV Title defense against Brother Pope D'Angelo Dinero, when Bully Ray and Bully Devon attack him from behind. Jenerikku recieves a vicious 3D through the announce table, and though the match is called off, the damage has been done! Referees and Security come out to check on Jenerikku and help him backstage as Team 3D celebrates.

***************************************************************************

Backstage, Sting is interviewed by Ric Flair, and asked, with Jarrett out of the way, what's next for the Stinger? Sting says that he's got no opponent set up for No Surrender, so who knows? From what we heard earlier tonight though, things are only going to get more crazy, and this Sting is more than fine with that!

***************************************************************************

Austin Aries successfully defends the X-Division Championship against Douglas Williams making him tap with the False Flag.

***************************************************************************

Io and Mio Shirai (W/Velvet Sky) face Tessmacher/Tara and Love/Rayne for the Knockouts Tag Championships. This is a fast paced match with the Joshi unleashing devastating offense. Io hits a huge moonsault onto Tessmacher and Mio takes out both Love and Rayne with a dropkick to stop them from breaking the pin. Io and Mio Shirai are your new Knockouts Tag Champions!


***************************************************************************

Beer Money come out for a tag title defense, when they are attacked by Bully Ray and Bully Devon before the match, and put through tables! Team 3D is on a rampage tonight, no one is safe!

***************************************************************************

Samoa Joe is walking backstage, when he gets sneak attacked by a man with a pipe. We scroll up, and it's. MISTERRRRR. ANDERSON. Anderson stands over Joe's prone body, hissing "You're not so tough without your little buddy watching your back, are ya, Joe?" Anderson continues to hit Joe with the pipe until he gets pulled off by security.

***************************************************************************

Sting vs. Kazarian for the TNA World Title. Sting is clearly still feeling the effects of last night, which allows Kazarian to keep thwarting his offense, but eventually Sting hits a flurry of punches and the Stinger Splash. Kazarian staggers out from the corner only to catch a Scorpion Death Drop! The Stinger locks in the Scorpion Death Lock for the submission victory and the successful defense!

Post-match, AJ Styles attacks Kazarian as revenge for the vicious attack on his boys. Daniels tries to attack Styles from behind, but is cut off by Sting! Daniels and Kazarian bail, while Sting and Styles celebrate in the ring.

Another B show!


quote:

Cheerleader Melissa and Sara Del Rey squash a couple of jobbers. Melissa hits Butterfly Kisses (vertebreaker) for the pin
Prince Puma and Hernandez defeat The Boys
Impact Recap
Future Shock cut a promo
Misaki Ohata defeats Winter with the Black Dahlia

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!



Smackdown for August Week 3 posted:



We're taped from Sacramento, CA this week on SMACKDOWN!

- - - - -

- Christian comes out for a show-opening promo, looking quite smug with his title slung over his shoulder. But as he's walking down the ramp, Randy Orton jumps him from behind! Orton wails on the champ, who manages to roll over the steel steps to get some distance before scrambling over the barricade and away through the crowd. Before Orton can pursue him, Smackdown general manager Teddy Long's music hits.

Long comes out to the stage in a huff, announcing that since it's his responsibility to safeguard the Summerslam main event (playa), he's keeping his two main eventers away from one another tonight - each will have their own singles match, but are not to touch one another until Sunday. Orton smolders at ringside as Teddy struts to the back.

- - - - -

- Our first match of the night is Sheamus vs. The Great Khali. The Great White makes quick work of the Punjabi giant[/b] in 4:42, taking the behemoth to his knees with unrelenting offense and getting the pinfall after a Brogue Kick.

- - - - -

- Backstage, Cody Rhodes is being interviewed about last week's loss to Randy Orton, when Ted Dibiase Jr. walks into the frame. Dibiase says he doesn't know what happened to the man who stood alongside him as part of Legacy. Rhodes says the past must be buried, and he'll be happy to bury Dibiase if he doesn't think so. Dibiase responds that if it's a challenge, he accepts.

- - - - -

- Elsewhere backstage, Ezekiel Jackson is being interviewed by Matt Striker as Wade Barrett comes out of nowhere and attacks him, throwing him into a coat rack and battering him with punches. We see that although Jackson was caught flat-footed initially, Barrett's attacks begin to lessen their effect as the Intercontinental gives less and less to the strikes, slowly rising straight despite the onslaught. Barrett notices this and before Jackson can get fully into fighting shape, rears back to unleash a Bullhammer that sends the champ thudding onto the concrete. Sweating and scowling, Barrett turns to the camera and taps his elbow before walking away.

- - - - -

- Back in the ring, Joey Styles confirms that Cody Rhodes vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. has been confirmed for later in the night, as Natalya's music hits and she walks down the ramp with her gregarious smile and arms in the air. She doesn't acknowledge the local talent already in-ring whatsoever as she tries to work the crowd. The bell rings and Natalya allows the local talent to get some offense in, barely selling any of it until the local girl hits a surprise neckbreaker and goes for the pin. Natalya kicks out and the smile is off her face as she nails the local talent with a discus clothesline and immediately puts her in the Sharpshooter. The local talent writhes in agony and taps.

- After the match is over, Natalya shows the replay of her attack on Kelly Kelly on this week's RAW. "On Sunday, I won't have to go out of my way to do that to you again. And after I win at SummerSlam and the Divas Division comes to Smackdown, you won't have anywhere to hide."

- - - - -

- Two thirds of Legacy square off as Cody Rhodes faces Ted DiBiase Jr.. They take it slow for a bit with alternating headlocks until Rhodes escalates and they each get in decent offense. However, as DiBiase attempts to finish Rhodes with the Dream Street, Rhodes counters into the Cross Rhodes to get the pin with a vengeance.

- A highly agitated Rhodes declares that he may have lost to Orton last week, but he can still get the job done, as evidenced by his present handiwork. The Disfigured One guarantees that one way or another, very soon, he is going to be the #1 Contender to the WHC.

- - - - -

- Our next match is a traditional squash between Vladimir Kozlov and a local talent, already waiting for his beating in the ring. Kozlov wastes no time going after him, blasting him every chance he got and not getting much resistance in turn. He ends the match with the Iron Curtain and puts the poor man out of his misery.

- - - - -

- Backstage in Teddy Long's office, the GM looks chastened as John Cena paces back and forth. Cena says he counts on Long to keep the peace backstage and after last week's debacle with security, he doesn't know if he can trust management. Long reassures Cena that he's doing his best to hold things down, but warns him that Henry's reach is long. Cena says he won't be intimidated, whether it's backstage or in the ring. He reminds Long that he and Henry have to sign the contract for their Summerslam match tonight.

Cena's countenance darkens as Mr. Graves walks through the door and interjects. He says that last week's security was contracted to safeguard the company's talent, and as such they were under strict instructions not to bring Cena to any harm, though he regrets if any inconvenience was caused. Cena asks pointedly where security was when Xavier Woods was being brutalized, and Graves says with a smirk that their contract specified protecting important talent. Cena bristles, but Long cuts in, saying that he was very firm in excluding extra security from the ring area during tonight's contract signing. He pleads with Cena to not let things deteriorate into chaos. Cena promises that he will not start a fight, but if Henry tries anything, Cena will not hesitate to retaliate, before he brushes roughly past Graves and leaves.

- - - - -

- The first of the night's main event matches sees Christian take on Harry Smith. Their match begins in earnest with Christian using newfound aggression against his opponent, beating him with forearms early in the match and forcing a two-count early. Harry Smith fights back with some effectiveness, though he's obviously rattled at the relentlessness that seems new in Christian. It's during this time that Smith is thrown at the ropes and instead of bouncing back, he holds onto them. Christian could be heard saying on a nearby microphone 'C'mon c'mon c'mon!' to get Smith back on the right page. Shortly afterwards, Smith is bounced to the ropes once more, he hangs on and Christian clotheslines him out of the ring, making it obvious Smith jumped the gun.

After Smith is put back into the ring, the rest of the match goes as expected. Christian smashes him further and ends it with a Killswitch. However, as the bell rings after his three-count, Christian then puts Harry Smith into the same position he briefly Randy Orton in last week! Christian stretches Smith's arm up, and for a moment it's as if no one on commentary or in the crowd believes he could possibly go through with it - but then he does, as he falls backward with force, snapping Smith's arm behind him at an unnatural angle. Smith screams in agony while the referee backs Christian off him and calls for medics to tend to him and the crowd jeers.

- Immediately after the match, Harry Smith is escorted to the back with the medics, Christian demands a microphone from a nearly assistant. He looks into the WWE Universe with a baleful look in his eyes as the crowd boos him.

"It has been my dream to win the World Heavyweight Championship my whole career," he hoists the belt over his head. "And you, my so-called Peeps, disrespected me at Money In The Bank by cheering Randy Orton when he sent me through a table. You're disrespecting me now. And the truth is you've never respected me, which is why you all thought I couldn't beat Randy Orton! And yet... now I have arrived, despite all of you!"

"I'm through fighting for your respect. I'm through fighting Randy Orton to prove I'm better than he is, because that is not and should never have been in dispute. I'm fighting, and beating, and hurting Randy Orton because he refuses to recognize the obvious. Randy Orton? He would have just been a footnote in the history of my great reign. But because he refused to stay down, and because you all encouraged him, I'm going to inflict such an amount of pain on Randy Orton that his entire career will be a footnote in the history of this business."

The crowd boos him but he laughs. "That's fine, that's fine. You'll all get to watch it happen. But I want to remember, when Randy's sent home with all his torn ligaments and broken bones and ruined joints, it will be because you demanded it. Maybe then, you might learn to respect me." Christian throw the microphone behind his shoulder as his music hits and he exits the arena without looking at a single member of the crowd on his way out.

- - - - -

- Back from a break, Daniel Bryan's theme kicks in and he strides into the arena with the Money in the Bank Briefcase slung over his shoulder. Jinder Mahal, already in the ring, is psyched up ready to take on Bryan. The bell rings and Jinder makes his last mistake of trying to assault Bryan with a flurry of hits before Bryan fights him off. Bryan kicks him time and time again then puts him into the LeBell Lock when he hits the ground. After a brief struggle, Jinder is irrefutably hindered, and he taps.

- "SACRAMENTO!" Bryan shouts into a microphone after the match is over. "Are you ready for SummerSlam?" he asks the crowd. Just as if he seems ready to go off, Josh Matthews scrambles into the ring like an overeager child.

"Daniel, congratulations on your victory tonight," Josh begins. "With SummerSlam coming up, do you have any plans to continue your open challenge or are you going to cash it in on the grand stage?" Daniel looks slightly miffed at the blatant question but works with it anyways. "Josh, I'll make this easy for everyone in the locker room watching. At SummerSlam...." he waits for a moment, seeing if the crowd gets antsy, then continues on. "The Money in the Bank Briefcase will be up for another Open Challenge! Anyone who wants to take a crack at me in LA, bring your A-Game! I'll be waiting!" Matthews was sort of a wet blanket here, especially given last week's electric promo in the same vein.

- - - - -

- Finally we arrive at our last match of the night, Randy Orton vs. Heath Slater! Throughout his entrance, the One Man Band's tries to psych himself up in the midst of heavy heckling, but his efforts at composure fail when he hears the music of the Apex Predator. The crowd is eager and chants 'RKO,' but just before Orton enters the ring, Slater bails. Orton beckons Slater to return, but his prey keeps his distance, triggering more boos and chants. "Get your rear end in this ring or I'll put you in it," is Orton's final warning as Slater creeps toward the entrance ramp shaking his head. Fed up, Orton slides under the ropes and chases Slater down!

He tackles his target and lays in with fists, beating his face in before hoisting him on his shoulder and walking back to the ring. As he closes in, Slater slides himself off Orton's shoulder and shoves him towards the ringpost! Orton hits hard on the shoulder that Christian battered last week, and Slater takes his opportunity, rolling the disoriented Viper into the ring and ordering the ref to ring the bell. The official asks Orton if he's okay to fight, and despite being hurt, Orton nods.

The bell rings and Slater pounces! Much of the match is dominated by a one-sided pummeling of Orton by Slater, with some minor semblance of offense by Orton, usually just enough to push Slater off. Slater focuses on head and neck shots, every so often trying for a cover, but Orton manages to kick out. Things turn around when Orton hits the Draping DDT, but his shoulder seems to be hurting him, and he collapses to the mat. The ref begins to count, but Orton is back on his feet by 8! He drags Slater up and begins laying in punches with his left hand, then bounces Slater off the ropes into his high-speed Power Slam! Drawing his right arm in, he crouches and slams his left hand into the mat, signaling the end for Slater. Slater stands... and Orton delivers the RKO! The 3-count is academic. He winces as the ref raises his right hand in victory.

- - - - -

- After a final break, Mark Henry, flanked by Langston, enters the arena. He pays no mind to the booing crowd in his charcoal grey suit, cigar clenched between his teeth, as he enters the ring and leisurely takes a seat in an elegant leather chair at the table upon which the Henry / Cena contract for Summerslam sits.

The crowd pops as rrrrapido! blares through the speakers and John Cena makes his entrance. Henry watches him dispassionately as he enters the ring, a sudden chill hanging over the proceedings. Cena stands across the table from the seated Henry and they stare down for a good 15 seconds. Cena then sets his jaw and without a word, takes the contract and signs it, tossing it directly into the barrel chest of Henry, who doesn't even flinch.

Henry chuckles to himself, places the contract in front of him, and draws a golden, fountain--tipped pen from his coat pocket. He draws from the cigar, then ashes it nonchalantly on the table, dips the pen in the ashes, and signs his name on the contract. He looks Cena square in the eye... and like clockwork, Langston attacks Cena from behind! Langston maintains the upper hand for just a few moments before Cena blasts back with right hands and lifts the heavy onto his shoulders for a fluid AA that sends the man through the table!

The crowd pops huge for this, obviously, but Henry is still sitting and watching, no tension or concern visible on him, even as his right hand man lies limp on the canvas beside him. Cena yells at him to get up. Henry regards him coolly for a moment, then rises, straightening his jacket from the gust caused by Langston's fall, and brushing bits of wood from the table off his trousers. He steps directly to Cena... and without warning, spits his cigar straight in Cena's face! Cena is stunned enough that Henry strikes, lifting his opponent effortlessly, and strolls around to face the chair he was sitting in, intent on putting Cena through it - surely a much harder landing than any table bump.

But as he lifts Cena up, Cena reacts, using his momentum to slip from Henry's grasp and roll up and over his back. Henry whirls around... only to be immediately hoisted onto Cena's shoulders! Henry is launched in a spectacular arc and crashes straight into the chair, which shatters and bends under his weight, leaving him bent over the rubble. Cena retreats from the ring, rubbing the ash from his eyes up the ramp.

As he reaches the halfway point he stops as he hears the crowd roar, and turns to see Henry already risen from the heap, somewhat heavy breathing and a torn jacket sleeve being the only apparent evidence of any struggle on his part. Henry, noticing the damage to his suit, literally tears the jacket off his own back, hurling it out of the ring toward Cena. He then lifts the bent remains of the chair and throws it to the foot of the ramp with one hand. Cena and Henry glare at one another from across the arena to close out Smackdown.

A B show overall, somewhat hurt by the preponderance of low card matches.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013

Finally, the #BROKEN Matt Hardy Brand is brought into the future, Brother Nero!


Can't believe Jinder's been hindered already.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

You're tense, I'm calm. You apply excessive force, I
*snap*
OHHHH HECKUMS


Hey team RAW can y'all check in on discord or something so we know who's actually still around to help write and stuff

Happyman
Jul 20, 2011

Say, do you take your mask off when you go to the bathroom?



Summerslam opens with the ring set up with a red carpet and a pedestal covered by a white sheet. After we are given a few moments to take it is, Vince McMahon strutted down the ramp to join it. "Last week, I told all you people that I was not interested in DAMAGED GOODS, and that I was going to debut a brand-new championship, a BIG championship that's not TAINTED by certain human GARBAGE. That old WWE championship was around since before I put WCW, and ECW, and everyone else out of business, and we're well overdue for a change! And here change sits! So, Ladies and gentlemen, I, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, am proud to present..."

A drum roll played as Vince uncovered a brand-new title belt: "...the WWE Universal Championship!"



The crowd didn't know how to respond at first, but soon after started booing loudly, with chants of "CM PUNK" and "That Looks Stupid!" filling the arena. Vince soldiered on, clearly annoyed by the chants but not wanting to address them. "And that's not all! Because I want you all to have a real champion, a champion that will fight for his prize, who will fight for YOU, the match tonight will be NO countouts, and NO disqualification! NO! HOLDS! BARRED! The man who walks out of here tonight with this title will have earned it! WIll have fought for it! Will be worth to be called THE CHAMPION OF THE UNIVERSE! And, more importantly, the Champion of Vince McMahon." Vince looked smugly out at the crowd as his music hit and they cut away.

---

Ride of the Valkyries hits the floor and Daniel Bryan enters the ring to await his opponent for the Money in the Bank Briefcase Open Challenge; answering the call is none other than the All-American Jack Swagger! The match begins as Swagger opens with an immediate clothesline, putting Bryan on the mat once, twice, three times, then nails him with a bridging german suplex for a quick two-count. Bryan, forced to kick early, looks weary less than two minutes into the fight.

Swagger continues his offense with alternating fists-and-slams into the mat, not giving Bryan much breathing room while forcing Bryan to kick out every so often from attempts to put him away early. Then as Bryan looks to gather some offense himself, Swagger manages to put him back on the mat, but this time puts him into an early Patriot Lock, which Bryan is forced to go to the ropes to break. Bryan changes the tempo by putting Swagger into a sleeper hold. Swagger breaks by going to his knees then putting himself on Bryan on the mat for a two-count, which Bryan kicks out of. The two of them alternate into hold-counterhold-counter-into-a-hold action in a brilliantly-executed set, showing off not only their technical accumen but their chemistry together in the ring.

But it all comes towards its close as Bryan once again changes the pace of the match with a missile-dropkick on Swagger into a corner. With no build-up, Bryan unleashes a vicious string of various kicks and punches, bouncing Swagger off the ropes into even harder kicks until Swagger gets some breathing room with a clothesline. With Bryan on the mat, Swagger goes up to the top rope for an insane move meant to be Bryan's downfall. It is not to be, as Bryan hits him with an enziguiri mid-flight, then uses his own bridging german suplex to put Jack Swagger away for the three-count.

---

"WHAT'S UP LOS ANGELES!" Daniel Bryan shouts out to the crowd. "Hey, hey, I want you all to give it up for my friend and opponent tonight, Jack Swagger. He came with his A-Game and reminded me why I do this: because when I do cash it in, I will be the best champion the WWE has ever seen! I know a lot of people have wondered when I intend to cash this in. Well, I'm going to keep going, keep putting this up for someone else to come knock me off if they think they can. But as of now, the plan is--"

Bryan is interrupted by Undashing Cody Rhodes. "Now, now, now, Daniel. There's no reason to tell them your plan," he says, smiling through his clear mask. "Because then you'll just be wasting their time. You've been playing with nobodies all this time. I know because I've tried three times to challenge you and there's always SOMEONE who jumps in front of me!"

Daniel Bryan looks somewhat confused at this. "Cody, there's no line, you don't have to ask. You just come get in the ring. That's how this works."

Cody looks even more angry as he approaches the ring. "That's crap and you know it! You call this an ~open~ challenge, but everyone knows it's a scam! What're you doing, paying these losers off? Is that it? Well, it's going to end right now!" Cody drops the mic and rushes Bryan in the arena. Daniel tosses his mic and briefcase aside to defend himself, but Cody stops short of assaulting him.

Cody then carefully, while not taking his eyes off Bryan, picks up a microphone again. "No...I won't soften you up just for someone else to pick at your carcass. I want you to myself. Anyone else who gets in the ring before me next time will look worse than I do before I'm done with them. No open challenge. Just you and me."

"Fine Cody, geesh." Bryan sighs. "No need to be so melodramatic, just show up and we'll do this. That's all I've ever said.

---

Kelly Kelly vs Natalya! The announce crew reminded us that not only was the Divas title on the line, but which brand would control of the whole Diva's division! Natalya came out first, looking as conifident as ever. She stared daggers at Kelly Kelly as she came out, still seeming to have not a care in the world as she played to the crowd. The ref held up the title to show everyone the main prize and then rang the bell. The two Diva's locked up and Natalya almost immediately powered Kelly into the corner. The ref broke them up and as Natty backed away she rocked Kelly right across the face with a slap that could probably be heard in the nosebleeds. They locked up again and Natalya threw Kelly to the ground, taking a moment afterwards to taunt her opponent.

Visibly angry by this point, Kelly got up and faked the lockup, ducking under Natalya and trying to get some momentum by going off the ropes, but she came back right into a discus clothesline by Natalya! K2 looked like she was out in the middle of the ring, but instead of going for the pin, Natalya quickly grabbed her legs and put her in the sharpshooter! Kelly regained her senses really quickly, screaming in pain in the middle of the ring, and with nowhere to go she was forced to tap! Natalya is the new Diva's champion in a dominate victory, and the Divas are now exclusive to Smackdown!

---

Backstage, Christian is seen warming up for his match against Randy Orton. He glances at the camera, but says nothing, going back to his warm-up. The vignette that plays shows heavily edited footage of Christian's matches against Orton to date, including Christian hoisting the World Heavyweight Championship above his head, the triumphant champion. It omits the lawyers' influence in events up to and including him goading Orton into losing the belt under dubious circumstances and instead shows Christian to be the fighting champion he never was. It is as if Christian, in his own mind, is still the good man and true champion, even if reality seems to have a liberal slant and significant biases against him.

---

Up next, Ezekiel Jackson and Wade Barrett square off for the Intercontinental Championship.

The opening is dominated by Jackson with his signature ground-and-pound campaign, but is disrupted when Barrett manages to throw the champion outside the ring Barrett joins him, and the two trade blows outside the ring until Barrett manages to throw Jackson into the steel steps. Smartly, he puts the champion back in the ring before the 10-count. Jackson, obviously weakened, still puts up a decent fight against his opponent, and even sets up the Torture Rack, but can't keep Barrett on his shoulders. Barrett bounces Jackson off the ropes, lifts him up and ends the match with the Wasteland. 1....2....3. There is a new Intercontinental Champion this day.

---

Scott Stanford sets up an interview: "Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time: Dolph Ziggler." Dolph was focused and intense. "Dolph, you're facing Justin Gabriel with the United States Championship at stake. Before you go into your match, do you have any final thoughts?"

Dolph dismissed the question. "There's only one thought going through my mind, and that's to win. This isn't the first title I've won and it won't be the last. I'll just do what I always do: steal the show. Justin Gabriel's just another flashy high flier I'm going to bring down to the ground, and when I'm through with him, he'll be flying coach." Ziggler walked off and they cut to the ring.

---

Justin Gabriel vs Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vikki Guerrero) for the United States Championship! A look of determination is on Ziggler's face, and his eyes stay locked on Gabriel the whole way to the ring. After the presentation of the belt, the match started off with Ziggler going for Gabriel’s legs, attempting to keep the daredevil down. He used his amateur wrestling to keep Gabriel on the defensive and suddenly went for a quick pin! 1..no! Gabriel wasn’t going down that easily!

While Ziggler was arguing with the ref, Gabriel got to his feet, and took advantage of the momentary distraction to start mounting a comeback! The two went back and forth, but Gabriel kept getting the upper hand with his agility. He finished a combination of kicks by kicking Ziggler hard in the chest, knocking him to the corner of the ring. Without giving Ziggler a moment to recover, he ran at him and hit him with a crossbody in the corner, landing on the apron. Ziggler stumbled out of the corner, and turned right into a springboard crossbody! Gabriel held it for a pin, but Ziggler kicked out at 2.

Ziggler had no idea where he was at, and, with Vickie at ringside screaming for him to get up, Gabriel rolled out on the apron, jumped onto the ropes… and slipped off, faceplanting in the middle of the ring. A rumble of laughter shook the arena, as the ref checked on Gabriel. Gabriel stood up, waving the ref off, and, laughing just as hard as the audience, he walked back outside, and jumped onto the third rope, sprang off, and hit Ziggler with a springboard senton! 1...2.. NO! Missing the first attempt must’ve given Ziggler the time he needed to recover!

Gabriel dragged Ziggler to his feet and sent him to the ground with a Russian Leg Sweep, positioning him near the corner. Everyone knew what was coming as Gabriel climbed the ropes to the top turnbuckle, but Ziggler staggered to his feet and fell into the ropes, knocking Gabriel off his perch and to the mat. Ziggler got up and kicked the staggering Gabriel in the chest, knocking him to the mat. Before Gabriel could recover, Ziggler hit him with an elbow drop to around the same area that he kicked him. And another. And another. After 10 elbow drops, he grabbed Gabriel and lifted him to his feet. Before Gabriel could even process the fact that he was on his feet, Ziggler hit him with a Zig Zag! 1...2...3! Dolph Ziggler retains the US Championship!

---

David Otunga and Michael McGillicuty came out for the tag title match. Santino came out next, alone but full of fire as he powerwalked toward the ring. McGillicuty grabbed a mic and stopped Santino is his tracks. "Hold on a second, Santito. We know you're short a partner, but we're nice guys. We're going to let you turn around and head back up the ramp, because if you get in this ring, the chains are coming off and you'll be on ice, just like that Long Island Loser you call a partner."

Santino yelled at them that he didn't care and that he could take out the both of them and started making his way to the ring again, but Otunga cut him off this time. "Woah woah, slow down Santino. Look, if you don't have a partner, then there's no match." Otunga held up some documents. "It says right here, rule 27 section 3, a tag title match must be between at least two TEAMS of competitors. And the legal definition of 'team,' according to the Meriam-Webster Dictionary, is TWO or more..."

OOOOOOOOOHHHHH RADIOOOOOO! Ryder heroicly limps out from the back, his knee heavily taped and in a brace! "I knew you weasels would try to get out of this! Well I don't care what anyone says, bro! I've worked hard to get my foot in the door, I'm not letting this title shot go without a fight! WOO, WOO, WOO, YOU KNOW IT!" Ryder and Santino hit the ring together and the ref rings the bell!

---

Otunga and McGillicuty vs Santino and Ryder for the WWE Tag Team Championship! Ryder seems hot to get in the fight, but Santino insists on taking the first round against Otunga. The Lawman takes Santino lightly, putting on a smug smirk and shoving him to the mat. He turns to taunt the crowd... and gets pulled into a schoolboy! 1! 2! KICKOUT! Santino overwhelms Otunga with those surprising amateur skills, but when he applies a rear naked choke Otunga's size and power advantage allowes him to power to his feet and snapmare the Italian into a headlock. He doesn't keep his victim there long, bodying Santino around the ring with head blows before forcing him into the Heel Corner. He exchanges rapid tags with McGillicuty to work Santino over as Zack looks on helplessly.

Zack Woo's to the crowd, hoping their cheers will revive his partner, but Otunga just laughs as he grinds a forearm across Santino's face and then plants him with a snap suplex. Otunga dusts his hands in disrespect, ready to end the match. He stalks Santino for his Verdict spinebuster, charges in AND EATS THE COBRA TO THE THROAT! Santino slipped his sock on in secret while on the mat! However, the attack was clearly desperation, and Santino collapses after the strike, unable to capitalize. Ryder and the crowd clap and stomp their feet as the ref starts the 10-count, hoping against hope that Santino can make it. The count hits four before either man moves, but by six they are both crawling, reaching with all they've got! The ref hits eight! NINE! DOUBLE TAG!

Big McG and the Long Island Iced Z burst out of their corners and make a beeline for each other. Zack comes out the winner with a big lariat, then delivers big right hands and an Irish Whip into a second lariat! Zack is red hot as he tosses Michael into the corner and delivers ten punches, causing Mcgillicuty to the slump to the floor! Woo! Woo! Woo! BROSKI BOOT! His adrenaline on overdrive, Zack tears around the ring, roaring to the crowd, asking if they want another. Woo! Woo! WOO! VERDICT! The spinebuster comes from nowhere as Otunga revives just long enough to end Ryder's blitz. McGillicuty shakes the cobwebs loose, sees that Zack is hurt bad, and immediately goes on the attack, targeting the leg injured by Alberto Del Rio with absolutey Perfect precision. Zack is clearly in agony as McG pulls moves out of his father's playbook, dropping himself on the leg while it rests on the bottom rope, wrenching it with grapevines and half-crabs. Finally, McG hooks the injured leg and delivers the Perfectplex! 1! 2! 2.9KICKOUT!

Mcgillicuty can't believe the nearfall, and gets in the ref's face, shouting about how he wouldn't have dared only count the two for his father. The psychotic rant is the opening Ryder needs to recover and get to his feet, and he quickly rushes McGillicuty and delivers a big facebuster! He signals the crowd with the L-I and climbs the turnbuckle despite his obvious limp, looking for the Rough Ryder! Otunga sees the setup and rushes Zack, forcing him to launch the finisher! Otunga is down... and Zack is clutching at his leg off the impact, his face ripped with agony! Santino, finally back in his corner, reaches for his partner AND EATS A MCGILLICUTTER RIGHT OFF THE APRON! McG falls on the hurt Zack and hooks the hurt leg! 1! 2! 3! The Tag Champs retain!

---

Mark Henry stares at the camera, and leans in, his evermassive frame even more intimidating. "Hustle. Loyalty. Respect." He breathes in deeply. "Words that mean nothing. Nothing at all, little man. I break little men like you. But I'm not gonna just break you, I'm gonna do something extra-special, just for you. I'm gonna give you three new words to say. You can tell them to me before the paramedics take you to the hospital tonight: No. Stop. Please." Henry smiles a bit with a sadistic look in his eyes. "You can put them on your little towels from here on." He then shows the camera a small towel with those words printed on it. "I'll give it to one of your loyal fans tonight, just for you."

---

Mark Henry, the World's Strongest Man, enters the arena with his entourage Big E Langston and Mr. Graves just behind him. He holds out a towel in the same style as Cena with the words 'No Please Stop' on it, then hands it to Mr. Graves before he walks down the ramp to the squared-circle. John Cena's music hits shortly after and he comes out quickly, working the crowd while on the ramp. He shows his own towel, then looks at a camera saying "Time to wreck this fool!"

He throws the towel into the crowd before launching himself through the ropes and into the match.
Cena gets in early offense, but is stymied by Henry's bruising counterattack including tossing Cena around like a ragdoll. He puts Cena on the mat early and steps on him to force a one-count before Cena pushes him off. Henry then pulls Cena off the mat and back on his feet before picking him up and slamming him into the mat. He then picks him up once more and throws him into a corner and bull-rushes Cena. He continues beating the everliving hell out of Cena for several more minutes with Cena doing little to stop Henry.

Everything changes the moment Henry tries the World's Strongest Slam when Cena pushes himself off Henry's shoulder and lifts Henry off the mat for an Attitude Adjustment! He puts his weight on Henry who kicks out at maybe two and pushes himself up back to his feet quickly. Cena starts up the Five Moves of Doom but Henry wallops him with a backhand hard. Cena still picks himself up and they start trading blows. Cena is pushed into the ropes on each one but still keeps coming back until he becomes more relentless against Henry and pushes Henry back a few steps, then to one knee. As Cena bounces off the ropes to hit a shoulder tackle, Henry stands up and absorbs the hit entirely. Cena tries again. Henry grabs Cena and throws him across the mat, this time knocking the referee out of the match.

As if on cue, Graves and Langston enter the arena and begin beating the hell out of Cena themselves. Langston then hit a Belly-to-Belly on Cena, and Graves drags him towards a corner. Graves gets up on the third rope and frog splashes Cena. They clear out quickly once they see another referee running towards the ring, and he only sees Mark Henry pick Cena up, hit a World's Strongest Slam on him, and end the match right then and there.

---

Backstage, Vince McMahon is seen signing off on some official-looking documents with Teddy Long. "Ahh, there we go, the Women's Division is now on SmackDown exclusively!" he says with quite a bit of excitement. He sets his pen down, then looks around the room as if immediately bored. "They're all yours, Teddy."

"Yes sir, I'mma turn all'a them into playas you'll be proud of," Teddy reassures him. But Teddy sees Vince's change in attitude. "Playa, I'm bein' real with you. You're gonna be real proud'a these women like never before. We got great things bein planned and they ain't just gonna be models in bikinis no more, they gonna be wrestlers through an' through."

"Sure, sure," Vince pulls out his phone. "Sorry, gotta make some calls," he walks out of the room leaving Teddy Long staring at him as the camera fades to black.

---

Beth Phoenix takes an interview backstage about the Women's Unification on Smackdown. She admits excitement about the possibilities and nervousness about having so many rivals all at once. She sees Vince's move as overall hugely positive, especially with someone like Natalya being the first champion of the new unified roster over Kelly Kelly. When pressed about that match, she says that it never crossed her mind that Natalya would do anything except clinch the title, as Kelly was the only one in her way and that she wasn't much of an obstacle for the only woman to survive the Hart Dungeon.

---

At last, The Semi-Main Event! Rey Mysterio vs The Miz, Final Match of the WWE Ch...UNIVERSAL Championship Tournament! Rey Mysterio came out to huge cheers from the LA crowd, just a couple hours north of his home town San Diego. The Miz came out with his beautiful girlfriend Maryse, who gave him a good luck kiss before going to the back. Clearly he didn't want her around for a match like this.

As the two got to their corners, Mr. McMahon's music hit! He sauntered down to ringside as only he can and sat down next to the stand displaying the Universal Championship. Looks like the Chairman wanted a front row seat for the action.

The bell rang and Rey immediately went on the offensive, but Miz quickly rolled out of the ring to stall. Rey chased him outside, and Miz quickly slid back into the ring, then turned around and started laying the boots to Rey as he followed. Miz immediately went after Rey with punches to the head as Rey struggled to free himself. Miz eventually went for a pin but Rey kicked out before the ref even got to one. Miz got up and stayed on Rey trying to keep the high flying superstar grounded. Rey started fightiing back, though, and started gaining momentum. He started hitting Miz with an arsenal of high flying and Lucha moves and eventually had Miz drapped across the middle rope! Rey started to dial it up...but Miz rolled out of the way and out of the ring. Miz went down to the mat and Rey chased after him again...but walked right into a shot from a signapore cane! Miz had grabbed one from under the ring when he was on the ground!

Miz pressed his advantage again, hitting Rey across the back over and over as Rey screamed in agony. Miz dropped the cane on the apron and grabbed ahold of Rey, throwing him into the barricade, then rolled him back into the ring and went for a pin. But Rey kicked out at two! Miz showed his frustration, pounding the mat and arguing with the ref. He turned back to Rey...who nailed him with the cane! Rey had grabbed it off the apron and was now getting revenge, hitting Miz across the back, the legs, the stomach, anywhere that Miz left open! Miz was dancing around the ring as Rey layed into him. Rey tossed the cane to the outside and started up again, hitting Miz with a furious assault, leaving him on one knee, then bouncing off the ropes and coming back RIGHT INTO A KICK SQUARE IN THE JAW. Miz had recovered just enough to get off a boot to Rey's face and quickly pinned him. 1, 2....2.9! Rey managed to kick out! Miz rolled out of the way and lay on his back, desperately trying to catch his breath as Rey lay on the mat trying to regain his senses. Miz slowly got up and dragged Rey to his feet, setting Rey up for the Skull Crushing Finale...but Rey rolled through! Miz weakly stumbled into the ropes and draped over the middle rope as Rey dialed it up...SIX...ONE...NINE! Miz flopped back and Rey ran to the corner for the Sardine Spalsh! He hooked the leg. 1...2...3! REY MYSTERIO IS THE FIRST WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!

Rey stood victorious in the center of the ring, barely able to keep his feet after the brutal match he just went through. Vince slowly walked to the ring, Universal Championship in hand. Vince applauded Rey, who stared back at him cautiously, and then held out the belt for Rey. Gingerly, Rey reached out to grab it... and Alberto Del Rio's music hit!

Rey turned to see Del Rio cockily making his way to the ring, and Vince grinned and pulled the title back. Rey stood his ground, defiant despite his heaving breath, as Del Rio entered the ring and handed his Money in the Bank Briefcase to Vince. The Chairman looked to the referee and told him to ring the drat bell!

Del Rio charged at Mysterio, but Rey ducked underneath and went to work, giving everything he had left. A couple strikes to the leg knocked Del Rio to a knee, and Rey bounced off the ropes and jumped into a body scissors on Del Rio, vaulting up to Del Rio's head looking for a bulldog...but Del Rio hung on and hit him with a brutal German Suplex! Del Rio practically dived on top of Rey and applied the Cross Armbreaker, looking for the submission! Rey used every ounce of stength to clasps his arms together, keeping the joint from being extended and sealing his fate, reaching desperately with his legs. Rey squirms, writhes, stretches... and just barely gets a toe on the bottom rope!

Del Rio took a moment to argue with the ref, but finally got to his feet and started screaming at Rey to get to his feet. Rey was clearly seeing stars, but heroically struggled to his feet... only for Del Rio to deliver that disgusting superkick right to the temple! Rey's lights went out, and Del Rio went for the pin. 1, 2... 3. NEW CHAMP! Alberto Del Rio successfully cashed in his Money in the Bank Briefcase to become the Second WWE Universal Champion!

Vince came back into the ring as Del Rio celebrated in the ring, smiling a million dollar smile as he presented the title to its new owner before personally hoisting the Mexican Aristocrat's hand. John Laurinaitis soon joined them in the ring, and after taking a moment to callously nudge the near-unconscious body of Mysterio out of the ring, directed Vince and Alberto to pose for the cameras and vigorously applauded their success.

This apparent partnership is loudly derided by King as a travesty as The Boss and his merry men continue their photo-op. Michael Cole desperately talks over him and sets up the Main Event!

---

Christian and Randy Orton meet each other in the Main Event, the culmination of their almost exclusively one-sided brawling for months in favor of Randy Orton. But now Christian grips the World Heavyweight Championship title above his head and Randy stares at him intently as Christian grandstands ahead of the match. But the moment the bell rings, Orton rushes Christian who immediately ducks out of the ring.

Orton doesn't waste time with Christian grabbing his title and getting ready to walk out, but Orton bashes him upside the back of his head and throws him back in. Christian recovers quickly and puts Orton on the defensive with successive clotheslines. But Orton throws Christian into a corner hard, then Orton launched Christian into the air and behind him, hitting the mat even harder. Orton goes in for the pin, Christian kicks at two. Both men are breathing hard and they slow the match down.

The next several minutes are spent outside the ring as Christian throws Orton out, and as Orton gets ready to follow, Christian trips Orton up on the ropes. Orton is then shoved into the barricades, then the sidepost, then the sidepost again, then Orton reverses Christian and shoves him into the sidepost. Both men back off from one-another, then re-enter the ring at the 8-count on opposite sides. The two of them collide again in the center. Randy attempts to hit the RKO, but Christian blocks. Christian attempts to hit the Killswitch, but Orton counters into a neckbreaker. He tries to hit the RKO again, with more success. But Christian kicks out at two! Orton seems to be at a decisive advantage at this point in the match as he keeps pounding away at Christian.

To keep himself alive, in a moment where the referee can't see, Christian manages an eye rake and hits Orton with the Killswitch. Orton kicks at two, showing the tenacity that kept him as champion for so long. Christian and Orton, both weak at this point, start exchanging forearms with alternating boos and cheers. Christian starts getting successive hits in, then out of nowhere, Randy hits another RKO! He goes for the pin...but Christian's foot is underneath the ropes! The ref sees it and refuses to count. Randy starts arguing with the referee, and the ref doesn't give ground, and unfortunately that's when Christian gets up, rolls Orton up, and with one hand on Orton's tights, gets the three-count. Christian retains with an absolutely stunned Orton looking on as Christian celebrates his dubious victory. The PPV logo goes up, and SummerSlam 2011 comes to a close from the STAPLES Center.

B+

Happyman fucked around with this message at Mar 3, 2017 around 15:49

Jenkem Delivery
Feb 8, 2005

Death created time to grow the things that it would kill

Hey folks team TNA is looking for another member to help with booking and more importantly, writing. I'm doing the heavy lifting on both right now and unfortunately it's not sustainable going forward. I will be on vacation from March 22-April 10 so we will need someone to pick up the slack while I'm gone.

Happyman
Jul 20, 2011

Say, do you take your mask off when you go to the bathroom?



Good evening marks, and welcome to Prograps Unlimited #4!

News:

- TNA is reported to be considering going into direct competition with Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, in the hopes of weakening them enough to buy them out. This is a very risky move, as stars signed with PWG are numerous in the TNA undercard at the moment. That talent is not expected to stay with TNA, should the two have a falling out.

- The sudden finish of the Orton/Christian Summerslam main event was reportedly decided on mere minutes before the match, as Randy Orton was adamant on not losing clean to Christian on the big stage. The roll-up was a compromise so that Christian could still go over and keep his title.

Ratings:
WWE RAW: 3.78 (+0.00)
WWE SmackDown!: 3.35 (-0.04)
TNA Impact Wrestling: 1.08 (-0.36)

Hardcore Justice: 68.223 buys
SummerSlam: 405.706 buys

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

We should all be so lucky


Fire Randy Orton

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

#RXT REVOLUTION~!
2000



future scoopin'...




Raw, August Week 4 posted:


We're goin' out tonight! To take your very life!

***

No chance! Vince McMahon's Titantron plays to signal the start of Monday Night Raw... but rather than come down the ramp, we hear a honking horn as a Limo pulls into the Honda Center! Vince steps out of one door, and a suit-clad Alberto Del Rio, the WWE Universal Champion, appears from the other. John Laurinaitis quietly comes out behind them. "Well, here we are. San Diego, California. You know, considering recent events in this city at the San Diego Comic Con and an... uninvited guest WWE had there, I was a bit hesitant to start the era of my new Universal Championship here. But then I realized, this is the perfect venue. Why? Because San Diego is a city of LOSERS! You are masters of the art of letting greatness slip through your fingers. The San Diego Chargers got one shot at winning the Superbowl, and they LOST. The San Diego Padres got two shots at the World Series, and they LOST. The San Diego Clippers lost so badly, and so often, they're now the LOS ANGELES Clippers! And then... there's Rey Mysterio." He slaps Alberto on the shoulder, who chuckles and pats his gaudy red title belt. "Enough said. Now, on to some busi..."

Vince is cut off by a BOOYAKA! Rey Mysterio comes out to the delight of his hometown fans, mic in hand. "Vince, if you think I'm gonna sit in the back while you run down MY CITY, you're more deluded than I thought. San Diego defines greatness! Tony Gwynn may not have a World Series ring, but he's still in the Baseball Hall of Fame! Junior Seau doesn't need a Chargers Superbowl Ring for everyone to know he was the greatest linebacker in Football history! And here's a newsflash for you Vince: Money In The Bank may have put that title on Alberto's shoulder, but in the record books I'm ALWAYS going to be the first name on the list of Universal Champions, whether you like it or not!"

Del Rio scoffs at this rant. "Rey Rey, nobody cares about what happened Yesterday. Today is all that matters. You're 15 seconds of fame for winning this title first are over, and Alberto Del Rio's DESTINY is going to last forever. But by all means, if you can't accept that, keep crying. Eres tan patético, que resultas entrañable"

"Well Alberto, if I'm so pathetic that I'm entertaining, I'm sure you'd have no problem with me putting on some entertainment, TONIGHT. For example, if I cashed in my Automatic Rematch for the Universal Title, RIGHT HERE, IN SAN DIEGO!"

The crowd goes nuts! But Vince responds with a guttural HELL NO! "Rey, I've been dealing with trouble-making prima donnas ever since the WWE was founded. My Universal Championship represents leaving that kind of crap on the trash heap of history. And, if you'd bothered to actually read your match contract, you'd know that one of the ways I'm doing that is abolishing the Contractual Rematch. Never again will some petty child like you have to right to tell ME when you get a title match! This is MY Championship! I decide who fights for it! And there's nothing ANYONE on this planet can do to-"

BEHOLD, THE KING! THE KING OF KINGS! DAH NAH! DAH NAH! ON YA KNEES DOUG!

The Game has returned! Triple H, clad in suit and tie of all things, offers Rey a friendly handshake and leads him to the ring. "Vince, if there's one thing I've learned since I married into your family, its that you have an incredible talent: every time I think you can't possibly stoop any lower, you find a whole new level of SCUMBAG." The crowd blows up! "Now, for those of you just joining us, I. am. The Game. Triple H. 13-Time World Champion. And as of earlier this month, Chief Operating Officer of the WWE. I represent the Board of Directors, Vince, and the Board of Directors is not happy. Since Money in the Bank, you've led this company to an endless string of public humiliations, and managed to make yourself look like an even bigger raving psychotic. But you know what, I defended you anyway. I stood up for you, Vince. I told Linda, and Stephanie, and every other suit on that board than you knew what you were doing. And then you not only decided to invent a new Championship out of whole cloth, and do everything in your power to undermine that Championship's credibility, but on top of that you've spit on one of the most sacred traditions of This Business by eliminating the Rematch Clause. So, here's the thing: Rey Mysterio IS going to get his title shot. Because he won the title last night, because he pinned Del Rio to get to the finals of YOUR tournament. And most importantly, because Rey is that. drat. Good. You may be The Boss Vince, but the Board's decision... is FINAL."

Vince fumed, but he had no choice in the matter. "Fine, fine, fine, Rey will get his rematch." Rey's hometown crowd pops like crazy! "But he'll get it next week! I'm not going to have these San Diego hooligans rioting when Alberto Del Rio squashes him like the bug he is! And more importantly... I AM still in charge around here. Don't ANY of you forget that." Vince dropped the mic, leaving up the ramp while Hunter and Rey to once again exchanged handshakes. For his part, Cole hyped next week's Universal Title match between Rey and Del Rio, and reminded us of tonight's scheduled Main Event: Rey Mysterio vs US Champion Dolph Ziggler, in a non-title match.

***

Mason Ryan heads to the ring, where he will face 'The REAL Man,' that the Bella's have been seeking. Commentary reminds us of the confrontation with William Regal last week, when he promised the debut of one of his prospects from FCW, the WWE's developmental division.

The Bellas come out next to hype their charge: "For weeks, we've been looking for a REAL man, and boy did the ones in the back come up short. If you KNOW what I mean." "Every single one of them was INTIMIDATED by us! We were just too beautiful, sexy, and talented for them to handle. But now we've finally got a man who can SATISFY all our... needs" "Introducing, FCW's own... DERRICK BATEMAN!" Bateman steps onto the stage with a swagger and a mop of frizzy curls, and the Bellas each grab an arm and lift up a leg like they were in a Bad Marilyn Monroe Impression contest. The heels mug for the camera then strut down the ramp.

***

Mason Ryan vs Derick Bateman (w/ The Bellas)! Ryan was a bit dumbfounded by the size (or lack thereof) of his opponent and the frizz of his hair, but quickly laughed it off to start the match. However, he quickly found that Bateman was no laughing matter, and after a decent back and forth match Bateman delivered a surprise headlock driver! Cole informs us this move is called "The Man-Tastic," and it earns him the pinfall! The Bellas practically squeel with excitement at Bateman's victory, joining him in the ring for some braggadocios celebrating.

***

Santino Marella and Zack Ryder are in the locker room, where Santino seems utterly distraught. Ryder picks up their conversation: "Look, bro, this thing with Vince, I know its just gonna get worse before it gets better. He's not going to forgive me for standing up to him. I don't want you to get caught up in it. Besides, my leg injury is why we lost the tag titles. You need a partner at 100%, and I need to know that I'm not going to hold anyone else back if I fight hurt, because if Vince McMahon makes me target it's going to be the fight of my life."

Santino visibly droops. "You are a prince my friend. If this is-a your wish, I will respect. But remember, if you ever need help, The Cobra will be ready to strike! Now, I must begin once again my quest to find a tag team partner! I will never forget you Zackariah. You were no Vladimir Kozlov... but then, who is?"

Zack pats him on the back fondly, sending him off in friendship... then stops to process what Santino said and shouts "Kozlov? ARE YOU SERIOUS BRO?!"

***

Rene Dupree v Richie Steamboat (w/ Ricky Steamboat). Our second debut match of the evening saw a warm reception for The Son of the Dragon! With his father in tow, he played to the crowd before entering the ring, much to Dupree's chagrin. The action between the two was fast, with Steamboat setting the pace but Dupree showing he was able to keep up and assert his superior size when necessary. After several more minutes of high pace action, Dupree hit a stiff Misawa-style forearm, putting Richie on his back! He dragged the boy to his feet... and ate a superkick out of nowhere! Richie went up to the top rope to hit his daddy's famous Flying Crossbody, getting spectacular air off the leap! 1, 2, 3! Richie Steamboat wins his debut match!

***

After commercial, we find Alex Riley already out in the ring, ready for his scheduled match with The Miz! Cole rails on him for being an ingrate (of course) until Miz's music hits, but oddly Miz steps onto the stage in an ugly gray flannel suit and tie instead of his wrestling gear. "Riley, I'm sorry to say that, as the Card is Subject To Change, I will not be appearing in this ring tonight. After all, did you see that title match I was in last night? I've got more bandages and athletic tape under this jacket than the jacket has threads of Egyptian Cotton! But don't worry - I've brought an understudy, who's been chomping at the bit to make his big break."

Suddenly, a ridiculously fit-looking guy in black pants with long hair and a goatee cracks Riley's skull from behind! A-Ry is laid out! "Alex Riley, allow me to introduce The Future! From Davenport, Iowa..." An unfamiliar hard rock theme started up. "...Seth Rollins!" Rollins let out the best Evil Cackle I've heard since the Million Dollar Man, soaking in his theme music and shouting 'Yeah! I'm the future!' The crowd give back surprisingly passionate boos, the mark of an instant star.

***

After checking on his condition Riley insisted to the ref that would take the match! Alex Riley v Seth Rollins! Miz stayed ringside to watch as Rollins immediately went on the offensive. Riley seemed totally overwhelmed, Rollin's agility allowing him to avoid every attempt at a comeback. Near the end, Rollins lifted up Riley into a suplex but lost his grip or something and they landed a bit awkwardly. The ref checked on the two men, and Rollins was clearly nursing his bicep, but after a moment the ref backed off and they kept going. The match quickly went into the finish, whereby Rollins dodged a punch by Riley and gave him a spinning kick to the gut, hit the ropes as Riley collapsed to his hands a knees, and then drove Riley's face into the canvas with his foot! Riley lay motionless as Rollins covered and the ref counted to three! An impressive debut for Seth Rollins! Miz came in the ring to applaud his new protege, raising their hands in victory with that smug smirk.

***

Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero are in front of a green-screen of Dolph's logo, 80's style! The Show Off gleefully brags about retaining his US title at Summerslam, claiming he was the Silver Bullet for the Cape Town Werewolf. He promises that tonight, he'll prove his greatness at the expense of Rey Mysterio, just because Mr. McMahon asked him, and he'll look good doing it.

***

R-Truth comes out complaining about the conspiracy against him, explaining it was the reason he wasn't on Summerslam. Now to make things worse, they won't even tell him who his opponent is tonight. However, Truth makes it clear, it doesn't matter, because he's gonna show whoever it what it takes to be a star! However, it seems his opponent already knows everything about that! Its the return of... *deep breath* Gooooooldust!

***

R-Truth vs Goldust! Goldy started off the match doing typical Goldust things, which of course freaked Truth out. This allowed Goldust to take control of the match, prompting King to say that nobody plays Mind Games quite like Goldust. Truth rolled outside to regain his cool, and then came back with a flurry of offense. Truth was looking on the verge of embarassing the Bizzarre One and ruining his big return, but when he launched off the ropes looking for the Lie Detector Goldust dodged clean! He delivered a stunning Bionic Elbow, and then added the Final Cut! 1! 2! 3! Goldust is back!

***

After commercial, Air Boom headed to the ring (with new entrance music!), and called out David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty! Surprisingly the Tag Champs obliged, and Kofi laid out that they wanted a shot at the Tag Team titles because of how the champ's screwed them out of the Contendership before Summerslam. Otunga responded: "You want us to but these titles on the line, tonight? Well, good news! Tonight we are issuing an open challenge to anyone in the locker room, and we're putting our Tag Team Championships up for grabs in that match!" Evan and Kofi bumped fists and gestured for the champs to bring it, but Otunga just laughed.

"Can't you you two hear? I said IN THE LOCKER ROOM. You're in the RING!" King says something derogatory about Lawyers... but the heel's goofy villainy is interrupted by KA NEE TE! Its the Usos, and they apparently are here to accept the challenge! McG and Otunga hustle to the ring, where Evan argued with Otunga through the brother's haka. Ultimately, Air Boom relented and decided to shittalk the champs on commentary.

***

Otunga and McGillicuty vs The Usos! Tag Title On The Line! This was a pretty standard tag match with decent action between the two. At one point Otunga ate a superkick and looked like he was out, but McGilicutty got caught in the ropes trying to break up the pin and had to audibly call for Otunga to kick out. The crowd gave it to him for that one. In the end, Otunga disrupted a superfly splash attempt on McGilicutty, who took advantage and hit a McGilicutter. For emphasis, the champs added their backbreaker/elbow drop combination, the Dismissal, and McG pinned Jimmy to retain the titles.

Cole informs us that after the commercial break, its going to be our Main Event! Rey Mysterio vs US Champion Dolph Ziggler!

***

The Main Event! Rey Mysterio vs Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vikki Guerrero)! Rey and Dolph spent some time testing each other with some chain wrestling. Dolph tried to keep Rey grounded, but Rey came back with classic Lucha Libre-style acrobatics to counter the various holds. Dolph refused to be frustrated, intensifying his amateur ground game while Cole put over his accomplishments at Kent State. Rey's hometown fans got rabid for this match as Rey continued to turn the tide on Dolph's matwork, and the two really seemed to click in the ring.

Finally, after a good deal of back and forth Dolph rolled outside to collect himself and the fans let him have it. One particular fan caught Dolph's ire, some dweeb in a Rey mask and a very well-made replica spinner belt, and The Show-Off elected to get right in the man's face. The fan just laughed, and then pointed out back toward the ring. Dolph turned... right into a Tope Suicida from Mysterio! Dolph went crashing into the barricade as the fans went nuts. With both men down, and irate Vikki Gurrero inserted herself into the situation, giving out to the audience member and then ripping his mask off... TO REVEAL CM PUNK! The crowd went wild as Vikki stood dumbfounded, and popped again when Dolph dragged himself up only to be instantly frozen in shock as well!

Rey took advantage, hitting a flying hurricanrana from the apron, both driving Dolph's head into the safety mats and scaring Vikki away! Rey then stood up, dusted himself off, and clasped hands with Punk in manly action movie fashion to a THIRD monster pop. He then threw Dolph into the ring! Desperate and disoriented, Dolph grabbed the ropes to try to get to his feet, but that only put him in perfect position for the SIX! ONE! NINE! Rey rushed up to the top rope and Dropped The Dime! 1! 2! 3! A hometown victory over the United States Champion!

***

Rey plays to the San Diego fans, getting his well-deserved props, and the camera cuts to Punk offering a standing ovation. Rey notices him... and gestures for Punk to get in the ring! Punk milks this for all its worth, gesturing as if to ask the crowd if he should, and finally hurdles the barricade and gets in the ring, WWE Championship in hand! He and Rey share another handshake, and cap it off with a backslap for Maximum Bro. Punk then hoists Rey's arm to a big pop... and Rey in turn hoists Punk title-holding arm and points to the belt, a clear message to Vince. Rey then gets serious, pointing to the belt, and gesturing around his own waist. Punk smirks, pats his gold, and checks his imaginary watch. The camera mic barely picks up "Any time, Rey!" as he makes the 'bring it on,' gesture.

Lawler is having a grand old time about all this, as is the audience. Cole stutters, unsure what to say and carefully dancing around saying Punk's name or mentioning what he's carrying. Finally he says Raw is going off the air immediately, and wishes everyone good night from San Diego.

***

A spectacular Raw! The three young bloods Rollins, Steamboat and Bateman all performed tremendously in their debuts, and the huge returns of Goldust, Triple H and Punk were all successes. A great kickoff to the second half of the year. The only thing holding this show back was the Main Event under-performing a bit in service to Punk's angle, which makes this Raw an overall B


Edited because I don't know poo poo about Local Sports Team...

Sanguinia fucked around with this message at Mar 12, 2017 around 22:57

Happyman
Jul 20, 2011

Say, do you take your mask off when you go to the bathroom?



After the intro, we cut to a segment right away. Mark Henry is having a VIP party post-SS, with Langston as the bouncer. Cena shows up wanting to see Henry and is let in. Cena demands a rematch, Graves communicates that he'll have to get through Langston first, which Cena is fine with. Outside, a scruffy dirtbag wants to get in but Langston denies him, and he walks away.

--

Sheamus and Heath Slater go at each other as the first match of the night. Although Slater got in a decent amount of offense in, he never stood up again after taking a Brogue Kick.

Sheamus doesn't leave the ring right away after shoving a seemingly unconscious Slater out and grabs a microphone. He announces that he is tired of Teddy Long avoiding his calls about him getting his shot at the title belt and that he's going to just take it from Christian.

---

Meanwhile, Randy Orton can be seen barging into Teddy Long's office. He doesn't give Long a chance, and pushes the receiver button on the phone call Teddy was taking in that moment.
"You saw that match at SummerSlam. You know Christian cheated to retain the World Heavyweight Championship. I want a rematch with him. Tonight," Orton demanded.

Teddy, not flinching, carefully sets the phone down and gets up from his chair. With ire, he comes back at Orton. "Now you listen here, Randy. I'mma say this once: I'm SICK of hearing 'one more shot', one more rematch, one more NUTHIN!"

Randy shakes his head in disbelief. "I wasn't the one asking for one more shot over and--"

Teddy puts his hands up exasperated. "I don't care playa, the two'a you have gone back'n forth for too long now! So yea, you get your one more match. One LAST match!" he emphasized to Randy, then explained: "No disqualification, and more importantly, NO MORE REMATCHES! You two go out there, tear the place down for all I care, but one'a you's gettin counted to three and it's done!"

"So, what you're saying is I get another match AND you're letting me beat the everliving hell out of him? All this time I thought you liked him more than me," Randy says ominously as he leaves the office.

---

Daniel Bryan's open challenge opponent this week is....Hunico! Shortly after he enters the ring, the Undashing music of Cody Rhodes hits and he streakes out to the ring, flabbergasted that he was too late to answer the call. The cameras are close enough to hear Bryan and Rhodes argue, that Rhodes says it's his turn but Bryan reminds him that it's first to the ring. Rhodes pouts, and remains at ringside watching the match.

Hunico's match goes about as expected and Bryan beats the hell out of him even though Hunico manages to get in some measure of hits on Bryan, it's never enough and he's overmatched badly by Bryan. That is, until Cody gets in a cheap shot on Bryan. Then Hunico lands a Falling Star! 1...2...Bryan kicks out! Hunico then tries to go for the Hunico Special until Bryan counters, gets up and nails him hard with his running single leg high knee and puts Hunico away. After Bryan retrieves his briefcase, he stares daggers at Cody who shrugs with a grim smirk through his mask.

---

The camera switches over to John Cena, who is seen warming up for a match backstage. He stops, and a look of concern goes over his face as he's approached by a surprisingly tall, but scruffy-looking man in a tank top and dirty jeans. The man puts his hand out to Cena. "Hey, I'm Dean Ambrose, kind of a big fan, you know?"

Cena takes his hand dubiously as he's staring at Dean's shirt, which has some dark splatters on it. "Is....is that blood?" he asks Ambrose.

"Oh yeah, but don't worry it isn't mine," Dean brushes it off. "Hey listen, I heard those guys disrespecting you at that party earlier and it got me thinking. So I got you a gift to make up for it." He hands Cena a baseball bat with bloodstains and a gold bow on it. "So I took out that Big A guy for ya."

Cena's face turns to shock as he takes hold of the bat. "You....you serious? YOU took out Langston?"

"Oh yeah, should've seen his eyes roll back in his head when I did it, it was great. Hell, they ain't lettin cameras back there with how bad he looks," Dean says proudly, then looks over his shoulder. "Uh, sorry John, gotta bail." He takes off quickly, leaving Cena with the bat in his hand. He hides it quickly as security comes through the locker room. Corey Graves follows behind, he looks at Cena briefly then continues on without a word.

---

The Great Khali and John Cena square off. Corey Graves is on the microphone with the announce team, informing them that he's here on behalf of Mark Henry doing research on Cena. He talks about the surprise attack on Langston and makes mention that he has a few suspects, and one of them is in the ring tonight. Striker and Graves argue that there's no way that Cena could have done it, but Graves isn't convinced. Booker reminds Graves that it's their job to be impartial as commentators and it's not their job to get involved. Graves acknowledges that and reminds them that it's his job to get involved.

The match itself goes about as expected, that Cena is mostly too fast for Khali, and even when Khali does connect with his massive clubbing hand, it isn't nearly enough to put Cena away. Just as Cena is about to put Khali away with an Attitude Adjustment, Graves rushes the ring and kicks Cena in the face. The ref rings the bell and disqualifies Khali as Cena and Graves go at each other. Graves looks pretty good, but is bulled out of the ring by the larger and more experienced Cena. He reminds Graves that he can't see Cena and he's out of his depth trying something so low.

---

Backstage, Wade Barrett calls out Ezekiel Jackson, saying he's got some bad news for him: the Intercontinental Championship isn't for scrubs like him. His rematch is going to go as well as it did at SummerSlam, and to give Jackson some more bad news, he's not waiting until Night of Champions to grant a rematch, it's happening now! Barrett's music hits and he walks out onto the floor of the arena.

---

As the Intercontinental Championship is on the line once more, two familiar foes face off. Jackson's performance tonight is somehow considerably worse than at SummerSlam and Barrett can't help but beat the hell out of him.
However, during a moment where both men were outside the ring, Jackson takes an ugly shot from the ringpost, injuring his back and putting him on the ground. The referee jumps out of the ring and attends to him, then puts up the cross, stopping the match, backing Barrett off. The referee talks to Jackson as he's in visible pain but affirms to the ref he's okay to continue. Replay shows that Barrett threw him too fast at the post and he didn't have time to adjust properly. But Jackson gets up, looks squarely at Barrett as the ref throws the signal for the match to resume.

As the match restarted, Jackson was in visible pain but turned the tides on Barrett for a while, throwing him into the barricades and slammed his head into the announce table which were in for a long night themselves. Jackson rolled Barrett back into the ring and went for the pin but Barrett kicked out. Although Jackson's heroic comeback was made even more impressive with his actual injury, the cinderella story was not meant to be, as Barrett retook momentum, hit Jackson with the Bull Hammer to retain the title.

---

Kelly Kelly's rematch for the Women's Title against Natalya goes about as poorly as expected. Natalya overpowers and overworks Kelly the whole match and rather easily puts Kelly into the Sharpshooter until she taps.

---

However, she isn't done and continues to keep her in the Sharpshooter long after the bell rings, then when she does release Kelly, proceeds to beat the hell out of her. Alicia Fox enters the fray and separates Natalya from the downed Kelly. The two of them fight until Natalya voluntarily withdraws, but her eyes are now squarely on Alicia. She yells at Alicia, telling her that she made her last mistake.

---

Randy Orton and Christian enter the arena for the Main Event, billed as an End of the Line Match: no disqualification, no rematches. The bell rings, and Orton immediately kicks Christian in the sack. As he goes down, he has enough presence to roll out of the ring. Orton follows, and throws him into the barricade. Then slams his head into the apron. Then rolls him back into the ring and goes for the pin, but Christian rolls him up into a Small Package and Orton is forced to kick. Christian, not really recovered, gouges Orton's eyes then throws him into the ringpost.

The match is accentuated by cheap shots from both competitors, each one building on the last. As the two take their fight out of the ring again, this time Orton is on the defensive and rolls out of the barricades and into the audience. Christian follows and they exchange blows while avoiding the audience. Then, as if by circumstance, a concession table is seen and Orton throws Christian on top of it, then climbs up the nearby tier to a higher section and Orton slams his elbow into Christian; the concession table in a surprise twist sells the blow and collapses for Orton.

Both men, thoroughly exhausted and wounded, are slow to get up. They exchange forearms until Christian gets the upper hand and forces Orton back ringside. He nails Orton with a low blow and sets him up on the Spanish announce table. Christian then goes to the ringpost, climbs it and slams his own elbow into Orton; the table, choosing to side with Christian, sells the blow and collapses. He then drags Orton back to the ring for his three-count, thus ending their feud once and for all. And just for good measure, Christian kicks Orton one more time after the bell rings while he hoists his title above his head to close Smackdown out for the evening.

This match far outdid the PPV main event from last night, capping the feud off on a good note.

B+

Happyman fucked around with this message at Mar 13, 2017 around 12:27

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

We should all be so lucky


Smackdown better than Raw even in TEW.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013

Finally, the #BROKEN Matt Hardy Brand is brought into the future, Brother Nero!


DoctorGonzo posted:

Smackdown better than Raw even in TEW.

Have fun competig for second place.

Happyman
Jul 20, 2011

Say, do you take your mask off when you go to the bathroom?



Impact opens up with a match right away!!! Mark Haskins is in the ring as The Aztec Warrior Prince Puma comes down, posing for the crowd showing off his insane abs. The action is fast and furious as both men use their speed and agility to set a blistering pace. Haskins goes for the Cradle to the Grave but Puma reverses it into a Sliced Bread #2. The Aztec Warriors picks Haskins up in the Fireman's Carry position, giving the throat cut gesture. He push presses Haskins up into the air, and catches him with a roundhouse headkick on the way down! THE PUMA DRILLER! Puma quickly covers his downed opponent for the win.

---

Samoa Joe and Okato come down to the ring. Joe looks loving pissed, and has one of his shoulders taped up from Anderson's brutal pipe attack the previous week.

Okato grabs a microphone from the ringside announcer and hands it to Joe.

"So as everyone knows last week, that little bitch Anderson snuck up on me with a lead pipe! Where is your honor, Anderson? You've been sneaking up on me and Okato for weeks now! This poo poo, ENDS NOW!" he snarls, his facing turning a rather purplish shade.

Anderson's music hits! He comes out to the ramp to answer the challenge. "I see you've got a little boo boo there Joey boy! I'm surprised you're even here tonight and not backstage napping on the training table! You see, I'm certain that you already have a BASH match tonight with Jeff Cobb! You can't wrestle me tonight, unless you want to give up your chance at getting a title shot."

Enrico Bischoffo's music hits! El Jefe comes out flanked by "Mr. Olympic" Jeff Cobb. "Gentlemen, I am very happy to see you have established a very VIOLENT rivalry over the course of these weeks I was in a coma. But Anderson is right, Joe you have a BASH match tonight with Mr. Olympic here." Cobb nods, punching his taped up fist into his free hand. "However, I am a very perceptive man. I see an opportunity here, yes! A UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED!"

The crowd cheers, getting hyped up by Bischoffo's slightly unhinged style. His eyes are wild as a slight grin crosses his face. "As El Jefe around here, I am always looking to create the most enjoyable expositions of brutality for the faithful of the Impact Zone! So I propose a tag match: Joe and Okato versus Anderson and Cobb. Whichever team wins has their BASH contestant advance!" Bischoffo looks to Cobb. "Do you accept this UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY?" Cobb smiles and nods, pointing to Joe. "YOU'RE GOING DOWN JOE!"

Bischoffo looks to Joe, who smiles like a predator who has just found his prey and is preparing to pounce. "Joe, I don't even have to ask. I know your answer. This match is on. RING THE BELL!" Anderson has an "Oh poo poo" look on his face as Cobb sprints down to the ring. PREPARE FOR VIOLENCE, FOLKS!

---

Joe wisely uses a series of quick precision strikes to hold Cobb at bay, knowing that once the Olympic freestyle wrestler gets his hands on Joe it may be over. Cobb eats a few kicks and eventually ducks one to get a single leg takedown. Joe, being the experienced Jujitsu practioner transitions to his back and goes for the armbar but Cobb locks his hands together. Cobb smiles and DEADLIFTS SAMOA JOE TO THE AMAZEMENT OF THE CROWD. He drops Joe for a sitout powerbomb. Quick pin, only a 1 count.

Joe scrambles for the ropes but Cobb catches him! Saito Suplex! Cobb holds on, AND HITS A SERIES OF ROLLING GUTWRENCH SUPLEXES. Cobb lifts the near 300 pounder like he was a sack of flour. Anderson and Okato watch from their respective corners, mouth agape. Cobb goes for the pin, 2 count! Joe successfully scrambles for the tag. Okato comes in and hits a quick lariat! Then sprints over and takes down Anderson off the apron! Okato works on Cobb and goes for the Red Ink but Cobb reaches the ropes. Cobb tags in Anderson who quickly gets the upper hand on Okato. Okato eats a beating as Anderson and Cobb keep Okato in their corner, tagging in and out to take turns pounding on the Japanese prospect.

Anderson goes for a Mic check but Okato reverses it into a lariat! Okato tags in Joe! Anderson looks like he just poo poo his trunks! Joe kicks Anderson in the face, sending him to the mat. He works Anderson over with a series of brutal ground and pound strikes, transitioning into a front facelock. Anderson tries to posture up to get to his feet but Joe transitions to a Peruvian Necktie! Anderson is about to go out! Cobb sprints in to break up the hold! Okato hops into the ring! He and Joe team up on Cobb while Anderson gets some oxygen. Order is restored and Cobb tags in! Cobb and Joe work back and forth before Joe hits a jumping enziguri!

Cobb staggers as Joe sees his change and locks in the Coquina clutch! He's got the body triangle, and Mr. Olympic is out! Samoa Joe wins and advances to the BASH Semifinals!

---

Douglas Williams vs. Jack Evans - Williams pins Evans with the Chaos Theory after rolling through a Poisoned Rana and popping up with the waistlock bridging german.

---

Hernandez and Puma come into the ring and starts beating up Douglas Williams! Magnus sprints down to break up the scrum and Mexican America slide out of the ring for a face off.

---

FUTURE SHOCK BAY BAY and Alex Shelley vs the Briscoes and Gunner. FUture Shock gets DQ'd when Kyle goes apeshit and does the rope assisted armbar on Mark Briscoe and won't let go for the 5 count.

---

Io and Mio Shirai defend the Knockouts Tag Titles vs. Angelina Love and Winter. The Shirais win with Stereo Bridging German Suplexes.

Mickie James runs down and attacks the Hot Skyjin Wife! Security breaks it up, but Bischoffo comes out and says that if Mickie is well enough to brawl, she is well enough to defend her title RIGHT NOW. RING THE BELL

Mickie James beats the Hot Skyjin Wife with the Long Kiss Goodnight.

---

Flair Interviews Styles in the ring who says he's distraught after the boys got attacked and had to go to the hospital: "I mean, they're my boys, yknow? What kind of monster would dare attack something as pure and innocent as the unconditional love I hold for my boys?"

Kaz and Daniels interrupt, as they come down raring for a fight. Kaz grabs a mic : "Look at the man talking about unconditional love when he abandons people at the drop of a hat for new flames! You know, the flames on fire island! But whatever, it doesn't matter any more! Me and Chris have decided that we don't need you any more AJ, and if you think we're afraid of you seeking revenge for your boys, you've got another thing coming, because we aren't afraid of you or anyone! Not while we have the support of my fans, the K KOMMUNITY!

Styles is agahst and can only utter one thing in response: "THE K KOMMUNITY?!?!" Daniels and Kaz storm into the ring, but Sting comes through the crowd and starts beating on both men with a bat! Styles hits a springboard shooting star press to the outside! Styles and Sting pose over the beaten Kaz and Daniels.

---

Beer Money vs. Team 3D for the Tag Titles. Brother Pope is caught hitting James Storm with a chair! Beer Money wins by DQ.

Generico comes down and Helluva Kicks the chair into Brother Pope's face! Team 3D and Beer Money/Generico brawl all over the place! This is loving chaos

---

Hogan comes backstage and expresses his frustration with Bischoffo meddling in all these matches and warns that they can't afford to tip the balance of power away from Immortal. Bischoffo calms him down and walks into his office where the Hardys are waiting with a jeweled case! Bischoff opens the case and inside is a dark aztec Mask and a vial. He gives the mask to Matt Hardy to put it on. Matt does...and BECOMES MATTANZA.

Jeff Hardy drinks the vial and goes insane, his mind seeing all possibilities past and present. Bischoffo tells his minions to prepare for battle against Hogan and prepare to slay Immortal!.

---

Steiner Defeats Crimson in a 2nd Round BASH Match with the Frankensteiner/Steiner Recliner combo.

---

C+

ChrisBTY
Mar 29, 2012


Alright I have to ask.

Matt Hardy.
As Matanza.
When you have Jeff Cobb.
In the same promotion.
In the same stable.

I'm not chiding the decision, I am just curious as to the thought process behind it.

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

#RXT REVOLUTION~!
2000



future scoopin'...


ChrisBTY posted:

Alright I have to ask.

Matt Hardy.
As Matanza.
When you have Jeff Cobb.
In the same promotion.
In the same stable.

I'm not chiding the decision, I am just curious as to the thought process behind it.

BROTHA B-RO! THE SEVEN DEITIES DEMANDED IT! NOW DELETE YOUR POST!

SyntheticPolygon
Dec 20, 2013



ChrisBTY posted:

Alright I have to ask.

Matt Hardy.
As Matanza.
When you have Jeff Cobb.
In the same promotion.
In the same stable.

I'm not chiding the decision, I am just curious as to the thought process behind it.

I'm assuming it's because Mattanza is a good pun. Which is acceptable justification imo.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013

Finally, the #BROKEN Matt Hardy Brand is brought into the future, Brother Nero!


ChrisBTY posted:

Alright I have to ask.

Matt Hardy.
As Matanza.
When you have Jeff Cobb.
In the same promotion.
In the same stable.

I'm not chiding the decision, I am just curious as to the thought process behind it.

We have other plans for Jeff Cobb.

Jenkem Delivery
Feb 8, 2005

Death created time to grow the things that it would kill

Cobb isn't in the same stable and he's still pretty green in 2011. Unfortunately he's just not ready yet to become A MONSTER.

Happyman
Jul 20, 2011

Say, do you take your mask off when you go to the bathroom?



September, Week 1 - Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

Triple H comes out to address Punk coming to the show last week and jumping the barricade, but he's interrupted by Alberto Del Rio. Alberto cuts a promo saying nobody cares about Punk, and lets Tri know he's not going to forgive or forget that he's the one forcing him to defend his championship tonight. Hunter dresses Del Rio down, and says that he better learn what respect means in THIS BUSINESS real quick, or that title will slip through his fingers.

---

The first match of the night was a non-title match between Dolph Ziggler and Jey Uso. The two high agility superstars flew around for a few minutes before Dolph rolled under a superfly splash and hit a Zig Zag for the win.

---

John Morrison and Melina come out to challenge Dolph for the US title. Vikki says he's done nothing to earn it, and Dolph suggests he takes his little girl back to the "Palace of Wisdom," because this ring is reserved for Champions and REAL Women. Melina asks if that means Dolph is also a woman, which makes sense given how much he waxes, or if he's just talking about how Vikki is the WWE's Undisputed OLD HAG Champion.

Vikki snaps and tries to scratch Melina's eyes out. Morrison tries to pull the catfight apart, and Ziggler tries to hit the ZigZag while he's distracted, but Morrison counters into the Moonlight Dive corkscrew neckbreaker! He sets up Starship Pain, but Vikki pulls her client out and they retreat.

---

Alex Riley and Mason Ryan paired up to take on the team of Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins. Riley played the face in peril while he and Ryan had trouble getting on the same page, and Reks/Hawkins used their experience as a team to control the match. The finish worked the same way, as Riley missed a blind tag by Reks and went after Hawkins instead, setting up for the Killjoy and the win.

---

Air Boom comes after the match so Kofi and Evan can hype the tag divison, pointing out that you can't just throw two guys with no experiance like Riley and Ryan together and expect them to be better than a real tag team like Reks and Hawkins! A tag team has to have Continuity! Chemistry! And Charisma BAY-BEE! That's why they founded Air Boom, and thats why McGillicuty and Otunga are ducking them! The WWE Universe knows they're the best tag team in the division, and they want to prove it!

Johnny Ace, Otunga and McG come down. Ace says he sees Kofi and Evan's point about Otunga and McG's behavior possibly constituting a "ducking strategy," as we say in the combat sports business. He's VERY ASHAMED of those two. To pay the Air Boom boys back, he's going to have them face the champs in a non-title contest next week, and if they win they will be the official #1 Contenders. However, if they lose, the Champs will be given a blank slate contract, with the right to name any challenger they wish.

---

Renee Dupree is pissed about last week and being made a fool of by Richie Steamboat. He calls the boy out for a rematch, and he comes along with The Dragon! Ricky says that if Dupree wants another shot, he'll do him one better and settle this the way the Legends did in the old territory days: a Best of Seven series! Dupree hestitates because he'll be starting with a handicap having lost last week, but eventually agrees to the terms.

This match worked very similarly to their match last week, but when Steamboat went for the superkick, Dupree ducked underneath and rolled Steamboat up. He put his feet on the ropes for leverage and the ref didn't notice, counting to three! Ricky Steamboat pleaded with the ref but it was to no avail, as the ref awarded Dupree the win to even up the best of seven at 1-1!

---

Hype Video: Why does Billionaire Playboy Kassius Ohno want to be a Pro Wrestler? The challenge! He's journeyed deep into the Amazon Rainforest, seen the peaks of the Himalayan Mountains, and journeyed across the Silk Road between Europe and China on horseback, and WWE is his next great frontier! Coming Soon.

---

In catering, The Bellas have Derrick Bateman beat the poo poo out of some innocent backstage staff. Ace Reporter Greg Helms observes but tells himself via soliloqey he shouldn't get involved, his editor gave him a deadline on the Kassius Ohno story, and its not his place to run around playing hero anymore... the camera pans to reveal WWE Legend Ron Simmons, who asks who the hell Helms is talking to. Helms ignores him and leaves, prompting a drat!

---

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the most must-see television program... Miz TV!" The Miz introduced his new protege, Seth Rollins. But in the middle of Miz's interview, Justin Gabriel came out and demanded to face the coward Miz! Miz told him that he's outnumbered and he'd better go away for his own good. Zack Ryder made the save and during the commercial, they made it a tag match!

The two teams took their corners and the match started with Miz and Gabriel in the ring. Miz quickly tagged out, though, after Gabriel got the better of a couple exchanges. The rest of the match was a lot of standard tag fare, with Miz tagging in when he had an advantage and quickly tagging out when things started to go awry. Late in the match, Gabriel had Miz in position for the 450 splash, but Rollins created a distraction by going after Ryder in his corner. While the ref was occupied with them, Maryse got herself involved and pushed Gabriel off the ropes. Gabriel staggered to his feet, but right into the Skull-Crushing Finale, giving The Miz and Seth Rollins the win.

---

Santino travels to Europe, looking for the perfect tag team partner. He starts in Italy, where he checks out the Roman Coliseum, birthplace of Tag Team Wrestling... probably. He hears rumors about Europe's greatest master of tag wrestling, and is directed to look for him in Greece.

---

"Rey!" Goldust pops in from out of frame while Rey Mysterio is getting loose for his big championship match. "I just wanted to tell you, before your match. Good..." He takes a big, dramatic breath in, and gets real close to Rey's masked face. "...luck!" Rey is weirded out but thanks him anyway.

---

BOOYAKA BOOYAKA! Rey Mysterio comes out for the main event, which is for the WWE Universal Championship! And out next, the Champion, Alberto Del Rio! They go through the opening pagentry and then the match is underway!

*match stuff here, Alberto is working the knee*

Rey struggled to his feet, feeling the energy of the crowd, and he dialed up the SIX! ONE! NINE! Alberto fell onto his back in the middle of the ring...but Rey was still laying on the apron, holding his knee! Rey tried to pound some life back into it as he crawled to the corner, and slowly made his way up the turnbuckle...but he got caught by and enziguri from Del Rio! Rey took too long and Del Rio had just enough time to recover! Rey was slumped over on the top turnbuckle, and Del Rio took advantage. He spun Rey around and dropped him into the tree of woe, then hit him with a superkick! Rey went limp, but Del Rio wasn't through. He climbed to the top rope above Rey, beckoning him to snap out of it. Rey slowly regained his senses and started trying to sit up into a position to free himself...but Del Rio hit him with a double stomp off the top rope! Rey collapsed to the mat, and Del Rio quickly covered him, hooking the leg, 1! 2! 3! Alberto Del Rio retains the WWE Universal Championship!

B+

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Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013

Finally, the #BROKEN Matt Hardy Brand is brought into the future, Brother Nero!




quote:


Show opens with a video recap of last week's Impact and a BASH Tournament Graphic showing the Semi-Finals tonight!

The Big Boy Michael Elgin teams up with the Boys, who are wrapped up in various bits of KT tape after their beating at the hands of Daniels and Kazarian. They face Jeff Cobb, Tony Nese, and Mark Haskins. Elgin starts off against Cobb and both men put on an extraordinary display of strength, deadlifting each other for various suplexes. Elgin holds Mr. Olympic up for a stalling vertical suplex, then drops him. He quickly moves and tags in Boy A, who proceeds to hit a springboard double stomp to Cobb. Cobb instinctively rolls out of the ring and Nese and Haskins hop down outside of the ring to check on him. Boy A then runs over and hits a springboard imploding 450 splash onto the three men on the outside! Boy Z and Elgin join in on pounding the heels for a bit then throw them in the ring. Cobb tags out to Haskins who shows off his own aerial skills as both men work quickly hitting each other with flying kicks and dodge with various flips. The match goes back and forth before Elgin is eventually tagged in and pins The Premiere Athlete Nese with a Falcon Arrow.

Dya Jātibācaka comes down to defend the TV title against Prince Puma. This is going to be quite a match as these two Luchadors are skilled in various forms of high flying! Jātibācaka starts off going for the Helluva kick right off the bat but Puma does a back flip into a headstand on the turnbuckle and hits a corkscrew flipping code red as Jātibācaka charges in! 1...2... NO! Jātibācaka slides out of the ring to clear his head as he got his bell rung. Puma sprints and appears to be going for a Space Flying Tiger Drop but handsprings back off the ropes for a pose! Jātibācaka slides back in and we resume! Puma charges but Jātibācaka catches him with a series of deep Lucha arm drags! Puma rolls towards the corner on the last one, then stops himself and pushes off of of the turnbuckle to reverse his momentum into a back roll. He pops up from the backwards roll and hits Jātibācaka with a cutter! Puma senses the opportunity and goes for a quick standing shooting star press but there's no water in the pool! Puma hits the mat hard. Jātibācaka gets up and hits a diving drop kick as Puma tries to get up. He follows it up with a quick pin: 1...2.. Puma gets a shoulder up. Jātibācaka tries to Irish whip Puma into the ropes but it gets reversed! Puma pops Jātibācaka up to the Fireman's Carry for the Puma Driller but Jātibācaka reverses into a corkscrew DDT! He follows up with a quick exploder suplex into the corner! Puma is dazed! Jātibācaka sprints in full force, HELLUVA KICK! Puma staggers forward right into the Blue Thunder Bong! 1...2....3... Jātibācaka retains the TV Title!

D'Angelo Dinero comes out with his trademark rhinestone studded surgical mask and a microphone. He butchers the pronounciation of Jātibācaka's name and challenges him to a TV Title match at No Surrender! You know what happens when a challenge is issued, El Jefe Enrico Bischoffo comes out with his own microphone. "Yes, I am very happy that you two have your own budding rivalry here! But let's up the stakes a bit for No Surrender! This is going to be a tables match! You two put on a violent spectacle for me, and I will reward the winner with a unique opportunity!"

Adam Cole comes down with his Future Shock compatriot Kyle O'Reilly to face Douglas Williams, accompanied by Magnus. The four men stare each other down in the ring then go to their respective corners. Cole-Williams is on! Williams smothers Cole with a series of suplexes and Judo throws, keeping Cole from getting the distance needed for any of his signature strikes. Cole eventually gets away from the Judoka in time to hit a Superkick! He then follows that up with a shining wizard! Cole goes for the quick pin: 1...2... No! Williams goes for the roll through suplex but is thwarted by another Superkick to the legs, then the face! Williams is close to the corner and in perfect position for Cole! He gets on the 2nd rope and hops off, PANAMA DESTROYER! 1...2...3.. Cole is your winner!

#DEMBOYS THE BRISCOES come down to the ring after the match! They sneer at the British Invasion as they get into the ring, Mark with his arm taped up in a sling. They stare down Future Shock as we go to commercial!

It's knockout's time as Io Shirai takes on Cheerleader Melissa and Winter in a triple threat! Each woman got ample time to get their signature spots in, though it was Melissa and Shirai that got the bulk of the offence. After a good amount of exciting action, Io Shirai got the pin on Winter with a moonsault off the top rope.

MATTANZA and JEFF Hardy come out with Enrico Bischoffo., Mattanza is wearing a dark set of coveralls stained with...something. The bottom half of his face is concealed by a mask, his eyes are wild, his hair messy. Jeff's eyes are a milky white with what look like nail marks running down each cheek as if he tried to claw his own eyes out! Both men hop into the ring to face a set of jobbers. Bischoffo screams at the ref to RING THE BELL! The Hardys make quick work of the two jobbers, not even bothering to tag in or our as they lay down a vicious beating. Bischoffo screams at the ref not to disqualify them! The ref is confused as the Hardys destroy both jobbers with stereo Twists of Fate for a dual pin.

Bischoffo comes into the ring with a microphone. "Ah, denizens of the Impact Zone let me introduce you to the new, improved Hardys! Mattanza, and Jeff!" He hands the mic to Jeff. "Bischoffo gave us a new lease on life, after we were both ready to give up on wrestling. He showed me the light! I have seen all futures and possibilities! I have seen every ending to our story, every future of a million different timelines and dimensions! I HAVE SEEN FIRSTHAND THE GLORY MY BROTHER, THE MONSTER, MATTANZA AND I WILL ACHIEVE!" Mattanza takes the mic, breathing heavily through the mask as he surveys the Impact Zone. "We have a new purpose!" He growls. "We have been given a chance to attain greatness! To spill blood in worship of our new Aztec gods! We will sacrifice anyone who stands in the way of finding gold and treasure! We will not rest until all who oppose us and our master Enrico Bischoffo are laid to waste!"

Austin Aries vs. Magnus for the X Division title. Aries and Magnus go back and forth, exchanging blows. Magnus tries to work on Aries' left arm to prevent him from being able to lock in the False Flag. Aries jabs Magnus in the eye with his thumb, ITS THE EYE OPENER! Magnus staggers back and aries hits him with the discus elbow. Aries goes for the pin: 1...2....3! Austin Aries retains the TNA X Division Title!

Aries cuts a promo about how no one is willing to face the American Alpha, they're just a bunch of incel cucks who can't hold a candle to him. Alex Shelly comes out and says he's up to the challenge at No Surrender! Bischoffo comes out and agrees that he wants to see a test of who is a true man. IT'S AN I QUIT MATCH!

Our co-main event of the evening is the World Champion Sting defending his title against Gunner! Both men get entrances and Gunner immediately starts attacking Sting as soon as the ref takes the belt off! The ref rings the bell an the match is underway! Gunner hits Sting with a series of clubbing blows, sending the Champ into the ropes for a big back body drop! Gunner goes for a quick pin: 1....no Sting gets a shoulder up! Sting tries to clear the cobwebs but Gunner lays in with a series of boots to the skull an neck. Gunner picks up Sting in a Fireman's Carry, he's going for Hangar 18! Sting slips off Gunner's shoulders down to his back and goes for the Scorpion Death Drop! Gunner turns over and picks Sting up and hits a powerslam on the champion, then goes for another pin: 1....2... no Sting kicks out! Sting rolls out of the ring and Gunner relentlessly pursues his prey. Sting turns the corner around the ring post and Gunner follows blindly around the corner only to eat a surprise kick to the gut from the champion! A veteran move! Sting sends Gunner face first into the ringpost, then picks him up and drops him face first onto the apron! Sting lays the boots into Gunner, then rolls him into the ring. He tries to lock in the Scorpion Death Lock but Gunner manages to use his powerful legs to kick Sting off into the ropes. Gunner pursues going for a quick lariat but Sting ducks underneath and gets Gunner with a german suplex! Gunner is dazed as Sting picks him up and sends him into the corner for a Stinger splash. Then another. THEN ANOTHER! Gunner is wobbly and staggers out as Sting catches him into perfect position for the Scorpion Death Drop! The Champ locks in the Scorpion Death Lock and Gunner taps out! Sting retains the title!

Hogan and Jarrett come out and threaten Sting, but they get attacked from behind by Steiner! Steiner grabs a mic and says if anyone is gonna kick Sting's rear end, it's gonna be him. Hogan can take his little bitches and get the gently caress out! Hogan and Jarrett stumble away as Steiner makes his way down to the commentary table.


Big Poppa Pump sits down at commentary with Mauro, Taz, and Mike Tenay. Mauro does the intro "We're joined on commentary by Big Poppa Pump himself for the semifinals of the Best At Super Hossing Tournament presented by Hoss' Loaded Burgers." "Who the gently caress is this nerd, Tenay?" Steiner asks. "Well Scott, this is our new lead announcer Mauro Ranallo." "He don't sound Mexican to me!" "I'm Canadian, Scott." "Canadian?! No wonder you look like a fuckin' weirdo! I loving hate Canada, why the hell are we here anyways? I had to beat up 3 guards and sneak across the border to get here!" "Well Scott, Jersey Shore had booked the Impact Zone studio so management booked us up here in Toronto." "What the hell is Jersey Shore?"

And Steen's music hits! Steen comes down to the ring screaming that he's going to slay the Samoan monster and Steiner and win the BASH tournament trophy for his boy Owen. Samoa Joe comes down afterwards with Okato, his game face on and his eyes locked on his opponent.

"As these two men step into the ring, what are the first things that come to your mind Big Poppa Pump?" Steiner quickly reacts "Wait, that's just 2 fuckin guys?!?! You sure?"

Steen and Joe stare down, and the bell rings! This is on! Both men brawl back and forth but Joe gains a quick advantage with his surgically precise strikes, working the legs and body of Steen with a variety of vicious kicks and palm strikes. Steen Staggers a bit and Joe hits a snap DDT! Joe immediately follows the DDT with an attempt at a kimura but Steen gets his foot on the rope and the referee breaks the hold.

"So Scott, what aspect of these men's style scares you the most?" "Scared?! I aint scared of either of these fat bastards! I'd only be scared if I was covered in frosting, or dressed like a slice of pizza. This match is boring as poo poo, these two are just rolling around on the ground like a bunch of schoolgirls. You want to see a real match between these two? Make it a ladder match and put a box of donuts above the ring!"

The action continues back and forth as both men trade holds, strikes, and nasty suplexes. Steen hits a quick lariat followed by an exploder suplex! Joe is dazed and Steen starts stomping his prone opponent! Steen pulls Joe up and sends him into the ropes, is he going for the Papa powerbomb early to end the match? Joe uses the momentum off the ropes to hit a shoulder block on Steen! Steen hits the mat and Joe goes for a quick senton but Steen rolls out of the way, Joe hits the canvas! Steen scrambles to his feet and hits a senton of his own. Quick pin with no leg hook...1....2....No! Joe gets a shoulder up.
The action continues as Steen talks immense amounts of trash to Steiner at ringside while holding Joe in a headlock. "You're washed up, old man! I'm the new generation! I'm the hero, now! You're nothing but a has been!" Steiner stands up from the commentary table and points at Steen "Listen here you fat gently caress, I'm going to drop you on your loving head with a Steiner Screwdriver and maybe that'll kick start your lovely thyroid!" Steen releases the hold and goes to the ropes! What the hell is he doing, taking his eyes off his opponent?!?! "I'm going to put this washed up loser away, then I'm coming for you. I'm going to retire your rear end, old man! My kid hates you, and he's going to enjoy watching me beat the living poo poo out of you!" "Yeah? Well I hate your fuckin dumbass kid, fatass!" The ref goes to stop him, turning his back on Joe! Joe starts getting up when Mr. Anderson slides into the ring and cracks him over the head with a pipe! Okato tries to give chase but Anderson escapes. Steen turns to see Joe on his knees from the blow and hits a quick superkick, then a Poutine Piledriver on the big man! 1...2...3!! KEVIN STEEN IS GOING TO THE FINALS OF THE BEST AT SUPER HOSSING TOURNAMENT TO FACE BIG POPPA PUMP AT NO SURRENDER!!


Rated C for Canada, which was totes intentional and deffo not a booking mistake nosiree

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