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Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



magnificent7 posted:

In with movie and food.
(come on come on GOODBURGER.)

Maggles, please enjoy a complimentary cherry with your matinee of Finding Nemo

Hawklad posted:

I'll take a movie and two Fleta specials.

Hark! I hope you like Milo and Otis, because I sure don't. Our specials tonight are the Apollo Program and pinkwashing.

Pippin posted:

In, I'll take two places, an animal and a Fleta's Mystery Meat.

drat right, you'll swallow my meat. First in New Mexico, and then again in Boston in front of a badger. Then we can have a little discussion about geophagy.

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big scary monsters
Sep 2, 2011

-~Skullwave~-


Thanks Mrenda for your crit, sorry Kaishai for failing at your prompt. I'm bad and I feel bad about it.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

ugh here's my chili brawl post, it's late because blah blah blah reasons

A Rather Literal Approach
470 words

I was taken with you the moment I met you down by the duck pond.

We went on dates to enigmatic locations. Bridges you smoked under as a teen. Places you used to park your car to make out with girls. The bridge your best friend jumped off of on a lonely December night. When we were in public, when you had an audience, our conversations and your smile both came easy. When we were in those strange spaces, your spaces, I could hardly get a word out of you. You took my fascination and left behind a woman obsessed.

You asked me to marry you with an air of resignation. I could see it there, behind your smile. After all, I’d studied that smile for many years. I knew that it was a whole climate unto itself, with its own moods like seasons. As you waited for my answer, the season of your smile was winter. You took my hand in marriage, and left behind a wife who would always doubt her worth.

You were a painfully good husband. There was never another woman. You never shouted at me. You decorated our birthdays and anniversaries with all the trappings of happiness, but the time between those celebrations was mechanical and cold. I tried to warm those chilly spaces between obligations with parties, barbeques, and travel. When that didn’t work, I tried less conventional approaches. I opened our bedroom to attractive, successful people like ourselves. I took our unfinished basement and filled with with vintage movie posters, first edition vinyl records, kitschy furniture, a replica of the guitar you once tried to teach yourself to play. I learned how to grow marijuana and roll a tight joint. You took one long, sad look at the room, and left me feeling foolish for trying to foist your old life back on you.

In trying to inhabit your past, I came to understand the winter that chills your heart and your smile. I know that the woman who jumped off that bridge was not your friend, but your lover. That lonely December night never really ended, not for you. Who could blame you for seeking out my warmth? Who could blame you for trying to recreate the life you’d thought you were going to have with her? I don’t blame you. But I am leaving you. It took a great deal of effort for you to love me, and left you trapped in the shell of a life that died years ago. And now I am taking these lessons I’ve learned, and leaving you to make a life that is more than simply an echo of what could’ve been.

Maybe, someday, we’ll meet again by the duck pond, in the spring, after the ice has thawed.

Jay W. Friks
Oct 4, 2016

Six of one, half dozen of another.

Grimey Drawer

In with movies and 1 Fleta's choice.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



Jay W. Friks posted:

In with movies and 1 Fleta's choice.

You get Indiana loving Jones. No installment of the series was indicated.

Also, you get this picture:

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


What the poo poo. FJGJ you scrublords

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

It turns out going through the posting history of the many, many failures was boring and tedious. You all aren't even worth individual roasts. Like, I could make fun of your white noise posting but I don't really want to boost that noise so you get this instead:



This is a butt farting on you all forever. Because you deserve it. Imagine a face full of asswind forever. That's you.

flerp
Feb 25, 2014


i mean im alrdy dealing w/ ur posts so asswind is a lot more pleasant

Noah
May 31, 2011

Come at me baby bitch


yeh yeh

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

Results for Week CCLXI: You Are Cordially Invited to the Dome of a Thousand Doors



First, an enthusiastic and kayfabe-free flipping of the bird at the failures who took so much joy out of Thunderdome's birthday.

Second, a regretful report that the writers who did attend the party didn't, for the most part, distinguish themselves--and the low mean quality of the week spared more than one person from a DM. Domerci Manor suffered an abundance of thieves and a poverty of plots that went beyond Boy, this place sure is weird! I did enjoy seeing Lord Domerci pop up again and again in his various guises. If you tortured me by forcing me to hold an empty wine glass for three hours, I would perhaps admit I liked a little something about almost every story. They existed, for one thing!

THE WINNER was the hardest decision, but our deliberations eventually settled on Hawklad and his story of vengeance served cold. The cumbersome exposition in the early going could have done you in, sir, but you told a complete and satisfying tale that followed a clear path from beginning to end. The mermen were merely a bonus.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Dr. Kloctopussy contended fiercely for the win with a piece rich in dreamy imagery, though the judges weren't equally impressed by its throughline. Sitting Here earns a nod with a well-crafted reflection on truth and lies that stood just outside the struggle for the crown.

We didn't have much trouble choosing THE LOSER. RandomPauI, I'm grateful to you for submitting a story late rather than failing. A loss brings some honor; a failure, none. Your entry was still a morass of meaningless lists and details that apparently forgot a major component of the prompt, i.e. the birthday party. It also forgot to have a resolution. Tsk. With luck, the crits you receive will reward your effort.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS are awarded to dmboogie for incessant and tedious banter framed by fragments of a story and to Solitair for a self-satisfied lecture about fiction delivered to an audience of writers. Someday Thunderdome entrants will stop climbing up on soapboxes. Someday the sun and crabrock will consummate their torrid love affair, too.

Here's to five more years and to our party guests, one and all.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


Judgefarts

Bluesquares: I felt bad being mean about this one because it feels so personal but also it's just not very good. I think the core issue is that the stated moral of the story runs directly contrary to what the protag is doing: "you should always be true to yourself because you don't need anybody's approval, which is why you should lie to everybody about how you're a bigshot." Maaaaaybe DM but I won't fight for it.

Jay W Friks: this wasn't bad as such, it was just kinda "so what?" There were a lot of stories this week about people who go into a bad room and then die for going into the bad room. There's some pretty cool grotesque language flourishes in there but the piece as a whole didn't really excite me. We needed to care more about your protags to have a stake in their death. Same as bluesquares.

Mercedes: yep, Mercedes wrote this.

Pippin: pretty middle of the road. I know I just complained that "thief walks into the wrong room and dies" is a cliche but I would've liked something to happen to him. As-is, it's "thief walks into the wrong room, gets trapped there for a few hours, leaves."

Hawklad: kinda a weak start (waaaay too much exposition) and the reveal didn't really hit as hard as it could've, but on the other hand you took a silly flash rule and really made it work. HM yes, win maybe.

Nethilia: your prose has really come a long way and that's cool to see, but ultimately the story never really went anyway. Protag's girlfriend is macking on some other guy, he spends 10 seconds being upset before meeting another woman who he immediately falls in love with and they run off together. There's some cool setup, but no real conflict.

Solitair: some pretty cool language but goddam does this insist upon itself. Yeah we get it -- it's a story about stories about stories. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jajTaT6Xx4E.

dmboogie: uuuuuuuugh. I really want to like this because it has some cool language. "Thunder crackled in the distance. Spotlights on the ground illuminated countless gargantuan trees, sculpted into living statues, and she now realized she was sitting in the palm of one shaped like a anguished, kneeling man; hands outstretched and hoping for salvation." like drat that's super good and theeeeeen

Lark shows up, and is trying so hard to be witty and clever, and throw out banter that just falls utterly flat. The story is a solid 50% bantering with Lark, and we don't know anything about Lark and she's just not that engaging. I was doing a sick motorcycle ramp-up then suddenly I got pulled off my ride and forced to listen to two drunk aunties at a party trying to be funny.

SittingHere: this was nice to have -- a quiet, sincere piece in the middle of a blood and murderfest. Beautiful language, strong characters, just felt a bit directionless? HM candidate, longshot winner.

Benny Profane: oh hey it's that one Lovecraft story that's actually just pretty chill and nice. Except there's TD references that kiiiinda work until we get to Mermen and then you smash the perfectly-crafted tone for the sake of an injoke punchline. The ending also fell flat -- it's not clear WHY she's being given the uniform. Maybe some sorta 'better to serve in heaven than reign in hell' kinda deal but it needs to be explored more in the story. HM candidate.

Dr Kloctopussy: holy poo poo I love this but spelllllling mistaaaaaaaaaakes do a manual editing pass for gently caress's saaaaaaaake. Language is loving gorgeous but it doesn't do as much with it as it could, I guess. Win candidate, solid HM.

Sebmojo: this is competent. From you, that's kinda a let down.

RandomPaul
: what is this even. I'll need to line-edit to really take this one on. DM, loss candidate.

Dr. Kloctopussy
Apr 22, 2003


SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Dr Kloctopussy: holy poo poo I love this but spelllllling mistaaaaaaaaaakes do a manual editing pass for gently caress's saaaaaaaake. Language is loving gorgeous but it doesn't do as much with it as it could, I guess. Win candidate, solid HM.

Glad you liked it, becuase I wrote it for you!!

Solitair
Feb 18, 2014


IN with a movie, a person/character, a place, and a Fleta's Choice.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



Solitair posted:

IN with a movie, a person/character, a place, and a Fleta's Choice.

Oh hi, Solitair. How's your sex life? It's about to get better, because you'll have a sexy story about Toy Story 3, Denzel Washington, and Ghana. And don't forget a special cameo by sunfish. The fish, not the boat.

Fleta Mcgurn fucked around with this message at Aug 8, 2017 around 09:50

blue squares
Sep 28, 2007


Soiled Meat

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Bluesquares: I felt bad being mean about this one because it feels so personal but also it's just not very good. I think the core issue is that the stated moral of the story runs directly contrary to what the protag is doing: "you should always be true to yourself because you don't need anybody's approval, which is why you should lie to everybody about how you're a bigshot." Maaaaaybe DM but I won't fight for it.

Thanks for the crit and whichever judge(s) rescued me from a DM.


I'm in this week. I'll take a place and a people

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Judgefarts

Mercedes: yep, Mercedes wrote this.


I wrote it for youuuuu

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



blue squares posted:

Thanks for the crit and whichever judge(s) rescued me from a DM.


I'm in this week. I'll take a place and a people

You get Los Angeles and Amelia Earhart.

Hawklad
May 3, 2003


Who wants to live
forever?


DIVE!

College Slice

Thanks everyone! I'll be over here parked comfortably on my laurels while Fleta does all the work.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



Hawklad posted:

Thanks everyone! I'll be over here parked comfortably on my laurels while Fleta does all the work.

*sensuously eyes Hawklad's laurels*

Agent355
Jul 26, 2011




In.

Genre, Place, Fleta's choice.

Uranium Phoenix
Jun 20, 2007


RADIOACTIVE DUST SURGE DETECTED


Week #261 Judgecrits
I read your stories in reverse order, with the exception of the DQs which I read last, so I’m presenting your crits in that order. While the ultimate failures are the ones that produced nothing, most of you should be feeling horrible shame for your crimes against posting and the boring, horrible garbage you produced. So many stories were about a person committing the shittiest, most boring robbery in the universe, or about how stepping into rooms that say Do Not Enter is, in fact, bad, that I wished I had access to an infinite fractal manor so I could step into a room where this week actually had good stories. Sadly, wishes aren’t real and all dreams must die, so instead I had to pin my eyelids open with needles so I could give you feedback on the fetid cat-piss you found ways to scribe into maddening symbols and upload onto the internet.


Astronomical Unit
Strengths: Description
Weaknesses: Character, Purpose, Ending
Notes: The story starts with a strong description and an interesting premise that hooks. Then the character goes from angry to deciding to blast off into space, and I don’t know why. It has something to do with dreams. Space hotel workers apparently don’t have dreams, trucker-poets do. The story’s strong descriptive language carries it, but I wasn’t a fan of the protagonist, and couldn’t figure out the purpose of the story. Also, I feel like it would have been really easy to have this guy just staying at a room in Domerci’s manor instead of a hotel so it didn’t miss half the prompt.


Falling Stars
Strengths: Excellent descriptions, thematic consistency, great potential
Weaknesses: Ending, consistency, clarity, extraneous bits
Notes: I can almost tell you what this story is about, but not quite. The story needs to clarify that first to really shine. The protagonist wants to find her room; the room is connected to a lost part of herself, presumably memory. It seems, then, that finding the room is about finding an important memory, or—since it burned down—dealing with the trauma associated with its loss. However, when the protagonist actually confronts her room and other self, it seems to be about whether she’ll stay in a dreamy heaven and lose parts of herself, or return. It has the line (which I love) “What if she forgot her first kiss, or how her mother smelled? She knew they were small things to the stars, but to her, they were everything.” Why, though, is it now about those? Is the other self her younger, more innocent self? Why did she need to visit her room to remember a summer day? What does the primrose represent?

This story has a strong arc for its protagonist ready to be deployed, but it loses it exploring around 3 or so different ideas. Clarify that, and the strong becomes a lot stronger. The journey to her room is able to sustain itself off of interesting descriptions and setting. The primrose symbol is repeated, and I think if you’re able to create a strong ending, you’ll know what other symbols and imagery to manipulate. For example, it seems to me that the birds overhead, dance floor, boat, and garden leading to her room should probably connect in some way to her life. Or, maybe the primrose represents a sister she lost in the fire. Otherwise, you have beautiful language, but its ultimately extraneous to the actual story. I think this story has great potential, which is why I typed so many words about it.


The Potato Thief
Strengths: Several descriptions. Good potential.
Weaknesses: Vague. Weak ending. Tonally inconsistent. Trouble standing alone.
Notes: These stories were supposed to stand alone, but I don’t think this story stands up well unless the reader knows TD. The potato seems a reference to week one, the descent into other worlds other weeks, and mermen—well, obviously. Not coincidentally, the tone of the story, which is otherwise serious, is disrupted by these sudden jarring images of robots and merfolk. The story is initially about a thief recovering a treasure. Then, it becomes a choice between the treasure and a job. This choice comes out of nowhere (though its obvious something wacky will happen as a result of the isolation chamber), and its hard to say what the choice represents. I thought it might be between old thunderdome and new thunderdome. What the choice represents, its meaningfulness to the character, and what you’re actually trying to say with the story need work. However, I do think this is a story that tries to say something, which puts it above a lot of the drivel this week.


In Which an Unwanted Gift is Returned
Strengths: Description, ideas, hook
Weaknesses: character depth
Notes: This story is about a character who wants to be a good person, but gets caught up abusing her power of lying and controlling people, a gift given to her by Domerci. She is then led to find her true self, which takes a bit of advice and internal reflection: a bad person wouldn’t try to return the gift, so she must be good. The gift is returned. Initially, I thought this story was about love scorned. I think it may have tried to be, given the last lines, but I’m not sure what its trying to say there. I think, in order for this story to really resonate, we need to know more about the protagonist and how she uses her gift and how it affects her life. What lie did she tell that she didn’t want someone to believe? Self-doubt nags at her, externalizing blame haunts her, but I think we need to see those things, not just be told about them. I think this would benefit from expansion. It would also perhaps need to go more into Domerci’s expression of love, and perhaps what gifts he gives out and why.


i bet one day we’ll look back on this and laugh but for now
Strengths: Two lines
Weaknesses: Title. Bad characters. Boring. Weak ending. Unfunny.
Notes: There are two good lines in this story. Muffin already pointed one out, the other is “Don’t know, don’t care, get away from the buffet table if you’re not gonna eat anything.” This story is about a woman trying to get an interview with a mysterious owner of an infinite fractal mansion. I think there would be some really interesting questions to ask someone who has an infinite house, but clearly, there are not. The story is trying to be funny, but it’s not. Lark’s introduction takes an already mediocre story into an uncontrollable nosedive as the pages are filled with boring banter that seems to serve no purpose. The vampire library exists for laughs, but isn’t funny for a variety of reasons. What was Lark trying to steal? Why? What was Clara going to ask before she found the library? The story deftly moves away from any direction that might make it interesting, and simply ends.


Theorycraps
Strengths: Premise
Weaknesses: Preachy. Bad ending. Boring. Characters.
Notes: I’m inclined to like meta-commentary, so midway into this story, I wanted to like it. Here, you have people watching a (possibly real, possibly fake) alien political drama, and the character who expresses outrage at this, but is diminished when it is revealed she basically does the same thing on the internet to reality. It’s not good, though. It ends up reading like a screed directed towards a bunch of writers, but doesn’t really say anything particularly insightful about the nature of writing. If this piece is going to succeed, it needs to have something interesting to say. The woman, who was super angry, then forgets her outrage and writes about some other person, who a servant smugly laughs off as being wrong. Ironically, this story about stories seems to be telling us not to bother looking deeper into it. As a story in itself, this one fails because instead of giving us any sort of resolution for this character, it promises a sequel where the character actually does change or succeed. Please do not write a sequel to this.


Lost and Found
Strengths: Intro, description
Weaknesses: Characters, plot, ideas, ending
Notes: I think you established the main character well. He’s a timid, miserable creature, so we feel sorry for him, and disdain for Vanesa. He hits his low point—and then is rescued by another character and lives happily ever after. Ultimately, the protagonist isn’t forced to change, grow, or even do much of anything; his resolution is handed to him. I think there’s several directions this story might go. You might try exploring why the initial relation failed, why Vanessa hates and abuses her boyfriend, or go more into two people who have had the expectations of others thrust on them (such as Elaine being told not to wear her glasses) figuring out they need to be true to themselves. But there needs to be a conflict, and one solved by the protagonist, or the story just feels empty.


The Fisherman and the Eel
Strengths: Strong message, plot, descriptions, resolution
Weaknesses: Introduction, character arc
Notes: I was a bit confused on Merrow’s lack of a tail, and why Steelbottom thought to trade himself, rather than get revenge initially. Did he know his wife and kid were fine? How? In retrospect, he knows he did a bad thing, and it looks like he admits as much during the start of the story: “I'm ready to own up to what I've done. The question is: are you?” This indicates that the revelation the reader has later—that the protagonist tortured and killed a merkid with his friends when he was a kid himself—is dramatic only for the reader. However, the story treats it as a character-changing moment for the protagonist as well: "We were kids," I protested. "We didn't know.". I think there’s a few ways you can go. Strengthen the moment where the protagonist realizes he’s a monster, and make that a genuine revelation for him. Or, since he’s seeking to trade himself, have him make a stronger argument for justice over revenge, and sacrifice himself to save his wife and kid, who are presumably innocent. If the latter do get freed, its not clear; I thought they didn't. As it is, revenge has made a monster of the merman, and Merrow is not redeemed as a character.

Overall, it did feel like a fairly satisfying end. The main character’s fate matched his earlier actions, which was an unfortunate rarity this week. I think there’s a stronger way to explore the nature of justice and revenge. I also think the introduction needs the most work; I think the conversation they have at the bar needs to not be as boring (it drags on a bit), and needs to begin the philosophical debate that ends in the coral cave. Finally, solid descriptions, a plot that is true to itself and flawlessly incorporates the prompt. With some refinements, this story could be truly excellent.


What's Behind Door Number One?
Strengths: Baseline competence
Weaknesses: Character, plot, ideas
Notes: A man with no plan goes into a room that says don’t enter. This was bad! He almost dies! But he doesn’t. This was an incredibly boring and pointless story. The character is saved through no actions of his own, and I guess finally learns to read “do not enter” signs, or maybe that thievery can get you killed. These incomparably profound lessons are companion to a talking griffon statue, who only servers to bloat the story further and also does nothing. The only way this story could be redeemable is if I cared enough about the character to worry that he was in danger, but I don’t.


The Pyramid Scheme
Strengths: If you like nonsensical crazy poo poo
Weaknesses: Boring, annoying protagonist, wacky poo poo for no purpose
Notes: This is a story about a dude who wants to do drugs. He gets into trouble by doing drugs, and gets out of trouble by doing even more drugs. Every character in this story only exists as a reason for him to do drugs. I found my eyes glazing over. The story tries to be edgy, but ends up being just eye-rollingly boring. It cribs off The Mummy so hard you probably should have named the main character Brendan Fraser. It needs better jokes or some other strength—character, plot, idea—if its going to succeed.


Dirty Pool
Strengths: Good descriptions
Weaknesses: Plot, ideas
Notes: This story is about how you should not go into rooms marked “do not enter” or you could die. That’s about it. Usually, you have interesting ideas, but this was just empty. These characters were rude, but not quite dickish enough to have death be their comeuppance. The thing that saved this was some strong description and solid imagery in places. Otherwise, there’s just not much to say.


While Searching for an Answer
Strengths: Intro
Weaknesses: Typos, ideas, formatting, descriptions
Notes: A few cliché shortcuts establish our protagonist is a poor nerd with no apparent life purpose. The rest of the story reinforces his weakness, and brings him to a low point. At his low point, he realizes that lying about his success makes him happy. This is a… well that’s one way to do it, I guess. The morale of the story seems to be “fake it ‘till you make it.” Only by lying your rear end off can the doors of possibility open themselves to you! Apparently. This wasn’t a satisfying ending for the character, nor a story with very interesting ideas, and it was relying heavily on those two things to succeed. The pinball line was nice, though.


The Huntress and the Thief
Strengths: The short action sequence
Weaknesses: Wordcount, framing story
Notes: I think this had a framing story because the LEGO prompt connection. However, that connection to the prompt could have been done differently, because the framing story added nothing, and also unnecessarily put you over the word count. The actual story is about the poison-mouthed woman who finds her place in the world as a bodyguard. I think there was an opportunity to explore the character more by making her boon more than a shiny object. This story did nothing particularly exciting nor egregious.


Her Rehearsal.
Strengths: This was submitted, and is therefore still better than the failures who didn’t write at all
Weaknesses: Prompt, coherence, characters, plot, description, clarity, formatting, grammar
Notes: I couldn’t tell what the hell was going on in this story. Alice (or Alive, as she is sometimes called) goes to wonderland the zoo, except it’s a dystopian evil zoo where animals are given racist names and made to play sports or serve as playground structures. She goes to play, then tries to leave, but can’t because ???. Also she just forgets her siblings, but its okay because so does the story. She can’t find her parents because ??? so she needs to hide or escape because ??? and so she steals a car (why?) but it’s a good thing she did because when she’s caught something something about fire and tigers and I have no loving idea. Basically, I think you might know what’s going on in this story and why things happen, but you forgot to explain that to your reader. The character’s motivations don’t make sense, things are happening clearly to serve your vision for the story but not for internally coherent reasons, and the story also suffers from a plethora of typos and grammar errors. It also has huge purposeless chunks inserted (why do we need to know who the teams of whatever game is being played? It has no effect on the story, and you don’t even bother to tell us what the game they’re playing is). I only wrote this many words because I don’t think you were trying to deliver such a clusterfuck, so ensure this stuff I wrote wasn’t a waste by improving the next thing you write.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



Agent355 posted:

In.

Genre, Place, Fleta's choice.

Genre's not one of the categories, so I will generate a word for you at random using the entire word bank: chomping at the bit. Your place is Orlando and for you, I choose someone who is confused about the meaning of "SEO."

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

In. 1 place. 3 Fleta's choice.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



Tyrannosaurus posted:

In. 1 place. 3 Fleta's choice.

Let me transport you to beautiful, breezy Singapore. Take my word for it- while you're there you really need to check out Patti Smyth (please note the spelling; it is accurate) and Calpis. I'd also recommend a visit to a cardboard cutout of Chewbacca.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


Alright you son of a bitch. I don't want to understand your crazy prompt. I'm in and just gently caress me up with flash rules and fleta choices. gently caress. Me. Up.

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Mercedes posted:

Alright you son of a bitch. I don't want to understand your crazy prompt. I'm in and just gently caress me up with flash rules and fleta choices. gently caress. Me. Up.

out of brolidarity with merc i will take all his flash rules too

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



Mercedes posted:

Alright you son of a bitch. I don't want to understand your crazy prompt. I'm in and just gently caress me up with flash rules and fleta choices. gently caress. Me. Up.

Well, okay!


Moorish architecture
The Pixies
A man with an extra elbow
Sharks
Regis Philbin


FLASH RULES:
Someone in your story is deathly afraid of apples and it is severely impacting their quality of life, but you can't say it explicitly.
I want at least two references to the movie Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein.
The last line of your story must include a pun.


sebmojo posted:

out of brolidarity with merc i will take all his flash rules too

NAH. Boring. You can have these ones:

Your main character fetishizes Thalidomide babies (ADULT Thalidomide babies, okay, let's be clear, not actual babies.)
The story takes place in a Hot Topic.
A grapefruit must be thrown at least three times.

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

quote:

Chili posted:

Brawl me bro.

I'm not even going to say who the bro is that should brawl me because it's REALLY OBVIOUS.

Sitting Here posted:

In for a brawl with un-chill-i up there
Yes, I will judge that for you no need to thank me all part of the service PROPMT what do we keep and what do we leave behind COUNT 600 words TIME 1200 PST 7 August


Right so being that sitting here is basically a butt golem created by a vengeful and insane wizard and turned in her brawl late she should have lost and been banned out of hand: however, thanks to a fairly unfathomable degree of mercy, and a vestigial sense that the best story should win, i'm allowing her to compete BUT i'm giving her a hefty penalty - a draw will go to chili, as will any victory by her that is not total. Fair? yes.

FIGHT.

Chili posted:

Catch and Release
597 Words

A pond hangs over the world. And on the edge of that pond, two lovers sit with their toes in the water, they clutch fishing rods with bobbers lazily floating about. bland dreamy zero energy start i am not engaged

They spend their days at the heavenly pond catching fish. They place them in silken pouches and bring them home. The walls of their home are clear and filled with water. Fish of all colors and size swim about in harmony throughout the walls, pleasantly reminding the lovers of their time together.
better imo

With the purple sun beginning to set, however, and no fish to show in their satchels, today is fruitless. They are packing up when the woman’s line draws taught. oh godddd how i hate u She sees the fish caught in the orbit of the bobber, and begins to draw her line in. It draws closer and closer to their toes and is it does the fish swims around the bobber, faster and faster. i think you could have drawn this interesting conflict of the fish and the orbiting bobber out for another 100 words or so it's p tight imo

Finally, finally! she lifts it out of the water. Its yellow scales shimmer and glow in the setting sun’s light. It’s a giant fish, with a bulging mouth and a split tail displaying a rainbow of colors. oh so that's what rainbows are made of it's a thing that's bothered me for a while She smiles as it lands in her arms. The man, a head taller than the woman, looks down at his partner and smiles. they are standing smiling at fish in a retarded fashion bless their mentally subnormal hearts The day is not fruitless after all. fishless, surely mixed food metaphor tsk

As the man opens up the silk pouch for her to place the fish in, she cradles it in her left arm and strokes its spine with her forefinger, soothing it as she has many fish before. chili you know fish breathe water not air yes It settles in her arm; she slows and begins to lower the fish into the satchel. Suddenly, it jolts, twists, and gnashes her finger with razor sharp teeth it hid in its big mouth. what a naughty sneaky fish but tbf i'm on its side in this, it's like if giant retarded carp were yoinking bathers into the sea and beaming gormlessly at them, fondling them in an uncomfortably sexual way then shoving them into water filled coffins

Silky bad word red blood drips from her finger as she quickly places it in her mouth. Her partner drops the satchel in horror. Having never seen blood in his life before, he is unsure of what to do. He places his arm around her, attuning very bad word to her mood. But, this situation is no different from any other before. you just said it was completely different make up your 'mind' (indicating you're dumb, just a little OG tdome kayfabe there)

She does not need him to do that.

Beside himself, he rises to his feet and turns his attention to the yellow fish, writhing about on the pond’s edge. He has never harmed another being before, but he wants to now. His fists curl into a ball as he mutters under his breath. yeah punch the fish bitch, challenge it to a bout of fisticuffs

She shakes her head. tsk

He goes to the fishing pole; he’ll snap it in two. action!!! If they don’t come back to fish, surely something so horrible will never happen to his beloved again.

She shakes her head. oh.

With no actions left to direct his attention, he sits and regards his partner. he is like a retarded robot who's run out of program She hurts, and he sees it now. as opposed to before, when he saw it. He sits with her for a moment and watches her. She allows tears to roll down her cheek. No trace of shame on her face: unsinkable beauty. why am i supposed to give the slightest of shits about these moronic robot anglers And, in the company of her sadness, with nothing left to do, he joins her. He cries with her as they lament the loss of a happy day and an innocent existence.

After a moment, the two rise. The sun is nearly gone, and it's time to go home. He has ideas of what to do with the fish, but he looks to her.

“We have plenty to care for my love,” she says. “No reason to let this one into our lives.”

They turn their backs on the fish as it flops about wildly. As they leave the pond, and the fish behind, they hear a distant splash as it re-enters the water. i hate this story in every way it is possible to hate a consecutive series of words. not least because the only thing in it with any character is the goddam fish and i hate fish

Sitting Here posted:

ugh here's my chili brawl post, it's late because blah blah blah reasons

A Rather Literal Approach
470 words

I was taken with you the moment I met you down by the duck pond. another pond-focused couple, hm, i am sensing a collusion

We went on dates to enigmatic locations. Bridges you smoked under as a teen. Places you used to park your car to make out with girls. The bridge your best friend jumped off of on a lonely December night. When we were in public, when you had an audience, our conversations and your smile both came easy. When we were in those strange spaces, your spaces, I could hardly get a word out of you. You took my fascination and left behind a woman obsessed. see this is how you craft an opening para, i'm genuinely intrigued and want to know more. also elegant use of the prompt, sometimes it's ok to be balls out obvious.

You asked me to marry you with an air of resignation. I could see it there, behind your smile. After all, I’d studied that smile for many years. I knew that it was a whole climate unto itself, with its own moods like seasons. As you waited for my answer, the season of your smile was winter. You took my hand in marriage, and left behind a wife who would always doubt her worth. awww shti this para is so good, just teetering on the edge of self=parodic writerliness but with a knowing wink that says you know how not to fall.

You were a painfully good adverb good husband. There was never another woman. You never shouted at me. You decorated our birthdays and anniversaries with all the trappings of happiness, but the time between those celebrations was mechanical and cold. I tried to warm those chilly spaces between obligations with parties, barbeques, and travel. When that didn’t work, I tried less conventional approaches. I opened our bedroom to attractive, successful people like ourselves. I took our unfinished basement and filled with with vintage movie posters, first edition vinyl records, kitschy furniture, a replica of the guitar you once tried to teach yourself to play. I learned how to grow marijuana and roll a tight joint. You took one long, sad look at the room, and left me feeling foolish for trying to foist your old life back on you. chili look at these details and weep a silent tear about how much better each one is than your entire story

In trying to inhabit your past, I came to understand the winter that chills your heart and your smile. tense is a little fucky, i'd have kept it straightforward I know that the woman who jumped off that bridge was not your friend, but your lover. That lonely December night never really ended, not for you. Who could blame you for seeking out my warmth? Who could blame you for trying to recreate the life you’d thought you were going to have with her? I don’t blame you. But I am leaving you. It took a great deal of effort for you to love me, and left you trapped in the shell of a life that died years ago. And now I am taking these lessons I’ve learned, and leaving you to make a life that is more than simply an echo of what could’ve been. but i guess you pull it off, making it into a sort of relationship suicide note

Maybe, someday, we’ll meet again by the duck pond, in the spring, after the ice has thawed. wham, that's an ending just the right level of I AM TEH WRITOR

ok so even with a hefty penalty this is sitting here's calvinoesque relationship breakup by a knockout, chili maybe there was something clever you were donig with yours i was too dumb to see but let that be a lesson to be a little more stupid, just channel mr and mrs the most tedious fisherpeople in teh world if you need help

sitting here: WINS

dreadmojo fucked around with this message at Aug 10, 2017 around 10:00

Development
Jun 2, 2016



I'm in. with food.

Farchanter
Jun 15, 2008


In! I would like an animal and a Fleta's choice.

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

Thunderdome Recaps!




In our survey of the dog-eat-Doug world of Week 256: Myths of the Near Stone Age, Sitting Here, Bad Seafood, and I ask each other: how many judges should there be? How much ranting is too much? What value an ant-agonist? The episode winds down with a performance of sebmojo's "Bird Dreams."

The colony of raspberry crazy ants was chaos.


Then, alakazam! We cast Time Shift and warp back to the pure magic of Week 142: BUT MOM, A WIZARD DID IT. Only a few stories from Thunderdome's most populous round come under scrutiny; the recap crew--including again, to our delight if not his, Ironic Twist--needs time left over to consider the magic and mayhem of Week 257: No failures week. (Spoilers: that name wasn't prophetic.) Once our reading of Sokoban's "The Apprentice" is complete, it's time to say a reluctant good-bye to Seafood, drawn from our company by the siren call of anime.

The wizard smiled and Roger Toinby’s skin began to peel. The wizard smiled and Roger Toinby’s hands swelled up. The wizard smiled and a giant goitre appeared on Roger Toinby’s neck.


Episodes past can be found here!

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



Development posted:

I'm in. with food.

You get lentils. Sorry about that.

Farchanter posted:

In! I would like an animal and a Fleta's choice.

A mighty bass gallops by. I wrote that sentence before I hit the generator. Oh, well.

I bestow this gift (slightly NSFW):

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



Signups close in six hours!

Still looking for other judges. fletamcgurn at gmail dot com or PM me.

Jay W. Friks
Oct 4, 2016

Six of one, half dozen of another.

Grimey Drawer

Just to clarify. Is this prompt due on Sunday at 3 pm Pacific (U.S) time?

Development
Jun 2, 2016



Jericoh Juice
858 words


The school year was rapidly approaching and Miranda had not gotten a new backpack yet. 

"Dad I need a new backpack."

"But the one you have is perfectly good! And Elsa is on it!"

"But I want Moana! And it needs to have motion activated lights and sparkles and-"

"How about you check your savings? If you have enough you can buy whatever your little heart desires. Except drugs. No drugs."

“Dad, I’m 10.”

“Some 10 year olds do drugs!”

“Whatever!” Miranda rolled her eyes and trudged back up to her room.

“Hey, I mean it! Don’t do drugs!” Her dad yelled up the stairs.

Miranda slammed the door to her room and dumped the contents of her piggy bank on the desk. Meh. $10.76 and a few paper clips and lint balls that her 3-year-old brother contributed. She counted the change three times, hoping to find a few more extra cents. How could she turn 10 dollars into the 100 or so she'd need to be the hottest poo poo at middle school? Miranda ruffled her hair in frustration, scoffed and got ready for bed. 

The next morning, Miranda woke to the banging of pans as her Dad prepared breakfast downstairs. She sleepily made her way down and sulked at the kitchen counter.

“What’s wrong honey?”

“Life! It’s SO hard!”

“Oh~woe is me! I’m living so rough! My dad fully provides for me and gives me food, shelter and love! But life is so hard!” Her dad teased, draping a dish towel over his head and interlocking his fingers in a praying pose. “How will I ever afford the luxury of glitter?”

“Daaaaad. Stooop.”  

"Hey I got an idea.” Her dad pulled the towel off his head and started washing the dishes. “How about you do a lemonade stand? That way you can learn a thing or two about money and how hard it really is to make it."

"Dad, have you seen how expensive lemons are?"

"When I was your age, this lemonade stand video game was really popular. You could rip people off by diluting the recipe and adjusting the ratio of ingredients to maximize profit."

"But this is real life, not some retro video game!"

"Have you even SEEN Whole Foods? People pay top dollar for watermelon juice! Coconut water! Fermented random cultures in a bottle! All it takes is the right marketing and audience and you can sell almost anything."

“Whatever.” Miranda sighed and leafed through the local grocery flyer. After about 5 minutes, she scrambled upstairs and came back down with her backpack and a sweater. 

"Dad, I'm stepping out to the bulk store!"

--

An hour later, Miranda returned and had set up large pots filled with water in the garage. She began pouring bags and bags of sugar and lentils into the pots. A large grin on her face appeared as she created a sign for her concession stand. 

‘Jericho Juice, $3. Drink the secret concoction of the ancients!’

"What you do?" A tiny voice said.

"Making plans to make money, Teddy." Miranda was too engrossed in her work to look up at her kid brother.

"Why?"

"Because I want to make money."
 
"How you make money?"

"By selling rich hipsters some concoction I am making with lentils"

"Why?"

"Because lentils are cheap and healthy and dad said I can rip people off this way and it's how to make money....by ripping people off."

"Why?"

"Because that's the education he got when he was my age. Some sort of game that was a life lesson. Only lemonade won't work now because of those crazy automated soda machines where you can pick like a million different flavors all in one and…and I need a niche."

"Why?"

"Because I looked on Wikipedia and it said that Jesus probably ate lentils and now I'm gonna benefit."

"Oh ok. Does it taste like candy?"

"The whole point is to make this thing taste awful and refreshing. Because tasting bad means it's healthy. Like carrots. And celery. They taste like dirt and garbage and people love drinking juice with them in it. So no, it doesn’t taste like candy. Do you want to try a tiny bit?”

“Yes!!!”.

Miranda skimmed off some water from the soaked lentils and handed a spoonful to her eager brother.

“This tastes like sandbox.” Teddy stuck his tongue out and scraped his fingers against it. “Eugh!”

“Perfect.”

--

“Oh you’re very lucky! You’ve got the last cup!” Miranda doled out the last serving of Jericho Juice to a man in a black beanie and skinny jeans.

“Oh man I feel so woke after this!” He exclaimed. “I can totes feel the healthy.”

--

“Where have you been young lady?”

“I took your advice dad. I made my own version of the lemonade stand and made $150 bucks.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, I bought these lentils…and soaked them in water…and added sugar…and sold the water for $3 a cup!”

“You did what?! You do know that lentils are toxic when they’re undercooked, right?”

“It’s ok dad, I’m doing the community a service. The only people that bought my drink were dirty annoying hipsters anyways.”

flerp
Feb 25, 2014


hey babydome, how’s it been? having a nice time with your friends, writing bad words, being dumb, etc etc? well, its time to change all of that because it is time for blood. it is time to announce:

THE SECOND KIND OF ANNUAL MEGABRAWL

muffin ran a megabrawl a while back and now im here to run another. do you think youre tough poo poo, a cool rear end motherfucker who is the best writer on these dead gay forums? or do you want to stomp some nerds in the ground and steal their hopes and dreams lunch money? then well youve come to the right place.

multiple rounds of brawl against the toughest of the tough in this (not really) venerated hall of fiction. if you lose, youre out. the last one standing is the champion.

this isnt going to be your standard brawl prompts tho, oh no. this isnt going to be "write about your favorite pet" or "tell me about that dream you had" or other baby poo poo. these prompts will be here to test you. they'll be hard. they'll take you out of your comfort zone. hell, they might not even be fiction prompts. you dont know. nobody does except me. but if you think youre hot poo poo then that shouldnt matter to you. the only thing that matters is OWNING DUMB NERDS.

no restrictions. you think youre good enough even if you dont have an HM or a win? then come along and gently caress some kids up. there will be no hand holding, no consolation prizes (or prizes in general). all there is to earn is eternal glory, and all there is to lose is honor (and your life but doesnt matter compared to the honor).

talk poo poo, quote this post, and join the MEGABRAWL.

only 16 may enter in this glorious combat. first come first serve. i can work with smaller numbers, but 16 is the maximum and ideal number for the carnage

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

'Read over your compositions, and when you meet a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.' -Samuel Johnson

flerp posted:

hey babydome, how’s it been? having a nice time with your friends, writing bad words, being dumb, etc etc? well, its time to change all of that because it is time for blood. it is time to announce:

THE SECOND KIND OF ANNUAL MEGABRAWL

muffin ran a megabrawl a while back and now im here to run another. do you think youre tough poo poo, a cool rear end motherfucker who is the best writer on these dead gay forums? or do you want to stomp some nerds in the ground and steal their hopes and dreams lunch money? then well youve come to the right place.

multiple rounds of brawl against the toughest of the tough in this (not really) venerated hall of fiction. if you lose, youre out. the last one standing is the champion.

this isnt going to be your standard brawl prompts tho, oh no. this isnt going to be "write about your favorite pet" or "tell me about that dream you had" or other baby poo poo. these prompts will be here to test you. they'll be hard. they'll take you out of your comfort zone. hell, they might not even be fiction prompts. you dont know. nobody does except me. but if you think youre hot poo poo then that shouldnt matter to you. the only thing that matters is OWNING DUMB NERDS.

no restrictions. you think youre good enough even if you dont have an HM or a win? then come along and gently caress some kids up. there will be no hand holding, no consolation prizes (or prizes in general). all there is to earn is eternal glory, and all there is to lose is honor (and your life but doesnt matter compared to the honor).

talk poo poo, quote this post, and join the MEGABRAWL.

only 16 may enter in this glorious combat. first come first serve. i can work with smaller numbers, but 16 is the maximum and ideal number for the carnage

' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '

Hell yeah, I'm in. Come at me dome.

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

flerp posted:

hey babydome, how’s it been? having a nice time with your friends, writing bad words, being dumb, etc etc? well, its time to change all of that because it is time for blood. it is time to announce:

THE SECOND KIND OF ANNUAL MEGABRAWL

muffin ran a megabrawl a while back and now im here to run another. do you think youre tough poo poo, a cool rear end motherfucker who is the best writer on these dead gay forums? or do you want to stomp some nerds in the ground and steal their hopes and dreams lunch money? then well youve come to the right place.

multiple rounds of brawl against the toughest of the tough in this (not really) venerated hall of fiction. if you lose, youre out. the last one standing is the champion.

this isnt going to be your standard brawl prompts tho, oh no. this isnt going to be "write about your favorite pet" or "tell me about that dream you had" or other baby poo poo. these prompts will be here to test you. they'll be hard. they'll take you out of your comfort zone. hell, they might not even be fiction prompts. you dont know. nobody does except me. but if you think youre hot poo poo then that shouldnt matter to you. the only thing that matters is OWNING DUMB NERDS.

no restrictions. you think youre good enough even if you dont have an HM or a win? then come along and gently caress some kids up. there will be no hand holding, no consolation prizes (or prizes in general). all there is to earn is eternal glory, and all there is to lose is honor (and your life but doesnt matter compared to the honor).

talk poo poo, quote this post, and join the MEGABRAWL.

only 16 may enter in this glorious combat. first come first serve. i can work with smaller numbers, but 16 is the maximum and ideal number for the carnage

yeah i'll gently caress up some fools i guess

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


lol okay I'll fight you losers

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Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



flerp posted:

hey babydome, how’s it been? having a nice time with your friends, writing bad words, being dumb, etc etc? well, its time to change all of that because it is time for blood. it is time to announce:

THE SECOND KIND OF ANNUAL MEGABRAWL

muffin ran a megabrawl a while back and now im here to run another. do you think youre tough poo poo, a cool rear end motherfucker who is the best writer on these dead gay forums? or do you want to stomp some nerds in the ground and steal their hopes and dreams lunch money? then well youve come to the right place.

multiple rounds of brawl against the toughest of the tough in this (not really) venerated hall of fiction. if you lose, youre out. the last one standing is the champion.

this isnt going to be your standard brawl prompts tho, oh no. this isnt going to be "write about your favorite pet" or "tell me about that dream you had" or other baby poo poo. these prompts will be here to test you. they'll be hard. they'll take you out of your comfort zone. hell, they might not even be fiction prompts. you dont know. nobody does except me. but if you think youre hot poo poo then that shouldnt matter to you. the only thing that matters is OWNING DUMB NERDS.

no restrictions. you think youre good enough even if you dont have an HM or a win? then come along and gently caress some kids up. there will be no hand holding, no consolation prizes (or prizes in general). all there is to earn is eternal glory, and all there is to lose is honor (and your life but doesnt matter compared to the honor).

talk poo poo, quote this post, and join the MEGABRAWL.

only 16 may enter in this glorious combat. first come first serve. i can work with smaller numbers, but 16 is the maximum and ideal number for the carnage

You all suck rear end and I will eat your hearts.

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