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curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

a new study bible! posted:

hello.

i am your third judge.

i have nothing inside me.

figuratively.

the person who puts something.

anything.

the biggest thing.

the best thing.

inside me.

will be my choice for winner.

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curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

Sneaking in last minute.

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=5427&...Rite+of+Passage

curlingiron fucked around with this message at Dec 29, 2017 around 04:48

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

yeah, let's go in

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

To What End We Know Not
116 words


Thunder sings its dark refrain
An epitaph to dreaming dead
As static hisses through my veins

The hourglassí ever fewer grains
Pay no heed to all the words weíve said
Thunder sings its dark refrain

A fear from deep within me strains
Against the world that lies ahead
As static hisses in my veins

The truth upon the soul it stains
The path of memory untread
Thunder sings its dark refrain

What hands are there that hold the reins?
What future still that canít be fled?
As static hisses through my veins

The walker now a path attains
Although it fills the heart with dread
Thunder sings its dark refrain
As static hisses through my veins

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

Okay, I guess I should do this since I'm halfway through writing my entry already.

I am in.

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=5485&...s+%26+Diplomacy

curlingiron fucked around with this message at Dec 29, 2017 around 04:49

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

CAT LADY DOG WEEK CRITS

Okay, so first of all, shoutout to all of the failures this week; Iím not sure what possessed me to volunteer to judge on the last week of school, but I really appreciate you guys making this easy for me. Did you break flerp's heart and let everyone down? Yes. BUT it meant that I had less work to do, so we'll call this one even.

Gonna Explode
So I guess this is trying to be some kind of commentary on attention and media? I liked the premise, but it seemed a little preachy at the end. Plus, there was a lot that didnít really make sense. For example, when and how were they performing all of these surgeries on her? Were they doing surgery while she was running? Did they somehow prepare and enact all of these measures during Hell Day? If they have such insanely advanced medical technology, couldnít they like, idk, put the alien-earth-breaking-leg-thingy in something else? Idk. This really doesnít seem like something people would leave to chance. The other judges liked this more than I did, but I didnít think it was bad, per se, just a little contrived and preachy (to my ears).

Fogdog
I really wanted to like this story more than I did. I had you as a potential DM because this was pretty muddy, but I really liked the ideas you tried to communicate, and the DM would really have only been comparative; this was a low story for this week, but not particularly low in the grand scheme of TD stories. I think the main thing that you could improve upon is clarity here; what exactly is happening? WhatÖ actually, no, just whatís happening. The shell world thing was weird, and I honestly wouldnít have figured it out if it werenít for you talking about it in IRC. Iíd love to see you expand on this and polish it a bit, because you have some really interesting stuff going on here, it just needs some work (and probably a few hundred more words).

Arm the Man With a Dog
This was going to be my win pick if seb hadnít skated in under the deadline. Not necessarily because it was overwhelmingly good, but because I liked it the most out of the other stories, which wasnít saying that much, tbh. You have a sort of fast-and-loose style going for you here, and I liked how you played with archetypes and myths, but there wasnít that much going on, and there was exactly zero narrative tension or stakes. One of the other judges mentioned that the whole thing read like a setup for the Disney joke, and in retrospect, theyíre right. Your breezy style here is really almost all the story has going for it, but luckily for you I liked it.

Some Fables

Man, I have no idea what the hell just happened here. Seriously, I donít know if it was a dream-within-a-dream, or a dream-but-not-really, or just-a-dream-OR-WAS-IT?!?!?! Whatever it was, it didnít work for me. The second person really didnít help, either. I think you were trying to go for surrealism, but it came out jumbled and nigh-incomprehensible. This didnít deserve a loss by any means (for real, in the grand scheme of TD, this is not bad at all), but I was okay with giving it a DM. Iíd probably scrap the whole thing and do a complete rewrite, if it were, me, but I do think that there are a lot of elements that you could keep here and make a compelling story.

Snow White
I liked this well enough, although it didnít have a lot of feeling to it (for me). Your ending probably also could have been a little clearer. It wasnít bad by any means, but it felt a little lifeless. I didnít care really about Tyler or the dog, so the fate of either one didnít matter very much to me, and that made it hard to invest. I think that the structure is there, but the story itself was held back by the low word count. You can definitely make something worthwhile out of this, it just needs a little more room to breathe.

Narcissus
This was a case of me not being 100% in on what was going on in a story, but I was super into it anyway. There was a very compelling sort of mystery to what was happening, and while I didnít quite understand who Little My was and what her purpose/significance was, I understood enough that the story worked and the points hit home. I liked this. I think in most weeks it would probably be closer to an HM contender than a win, but it was definitely my favorite of this week, so good on you.

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

Okay, I have Friday off and I haven't witten anything in way too long. Let's go in with a

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=6015&...loats+Your+Boat

curlingiron fucked around with this message at Dec 29, 2017 around 04:50

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

INTERPROMPT: Man Agonizes over Tomatoes

200 words

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

Sitting Here posted:

cptn picard looked up at the kardashian and screamed THERE. ARE. FOUR. TOMATOES.

lol Star Trek reference

Please ascend to the Blood Throne, GoonSir[ess]

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

Less social commentary, more Tomato/Star Trek erotic fanfic, please.

e: prompt??????????????

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

sebmojo posted:

nup, as many words as you need

Enjoy your 17000 word brawl entries.

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

Yeah, but it's no sock-puppet show.

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curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

Thank you to Nethilia for my lovely presents! Here's Emperor Tang posing with his new brother(?) and the awesome socks!



Don't worry, he knocked everything over shortly afterwards.

Also, sorry I asked for the most complicated possible type of story. Take your time, and I'm excited to read it!

See you soon for TD meets, maybe?

curlingiron

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