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ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


:toxx:

cat

stupid song

all the gimmicks pls

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ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


-archived-

ThirdEmperor fucked around with this message at 13:55 on Dec 25, 2017

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


In.

Assign me a photo and a dumb flash rule plz.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


In.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


-archived-

ThirdEmperor fucked around with this message at 13:55 on Dec 25, 2017

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


:siren: What Up Nerds, it's Week 264: Dystopia With A View :siren:



As I assume the bloody crown and sceptre of office, I'm suddenly seeing the bright side of this little Mad Maxian pastiche we've bombed, blasted, and irridiated our once-green earth into. Its probably still looking pretty grim down there in the poet pits, but hey, try to have a lil' perspective and remember your suffering is someone else's profit!

This week, Write about the winners of a Dystopian society. And no, you can't write about present day America, but fantasy and historical settings are on the table alongside the usual sci-fi. Whether your protagonist is one of the ruling class or merely a toadie, whether they understand the horror around them or are completely oblivious, I wanna see someone who at least starts the tale with a happy outlook on this brave new world.

To get you into the mindset of inflicting your petty authority on all those beneath you, When you sign up you will provide a flash rule for the next person to sign up. Flashrules must be in the form of IN A WORLD WITH [THING] or IN A WORLD WITHOUT [THING] and should be firmly in the realm of cruel and unusual.

YOUR WORDCOUNT IS 1500 WORDS AND YOU'D HAVE TO BE AN IDIOT TO MISS THIS PART OF MY POST.

Signups Close Twelve A.M. PST Friday
Submissions Close Twelve A.M. PST Sunday



And to start off the chain of misery, the first signup will be writing IN A WORLD WITH FAERIE AUTOCRATS.

ThirdEmperor fucked around with this message at 20:27 on Aug 21, 2017

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


We have always been at war with Eastasia and the wordcount has always been 1,500.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


To the reeducation quotes with both of you! :argh:

crabrock posted:

I'll take this.

IN A WORLD WITH AN UNUSUAL AND UNEXPECTED SHORTAGE


Jay W. Friks posted:

In with crabs unexpected rule

IN A WORLD WITH UNIVERSAL AUTOMATION

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


Fuschia tude posted:

In a world without alcohol or chocolate. Or chocoholics.

With twelve hours till signup deadline, while the next signup can still take this prompt, they will also have the option of:

IN A WORLD WITH A PAIN-BASED ECONOMY

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


Y'know how I said sign-up deadline was one minute from now?

Well, bam! Sign-up deadline is now. That's right, it's over, I can do that!

Wow!!

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


Hmm. It's good to be the king...

But is it good to be the king of a thunderdump like this?

I think I'll be taking a nice abdication, maybe somewhere sunny. In the meantime, submissions are closed while the Shadow Council elects a new thunderchump to wear the crown.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


:siren: Judgement Time :siren:

There were few winners this week.

I asked for a miserable society from the winning side, for a story about the lucky few living comfortable lives atop their ivory towers pissing down on all the icky common folk below them.

Most of you completely ignored that and gave me a view from the bottom, looking directly up into the stream.

Thanks.


In the end, we've decided to reward those stories that stood out by meeting another day in hell with a smile. I'll gladly trade Tyrannosaurus back this stupid crown for the mental image of hideously happy little Joyous pulling on his toes for an eternity. The story was, well, quite rough at the end, but built a world that was safe and comfortable and gnawingly claustrophobic all at once. He is your Winner and all must bow before him!

Taking an HM and a middle class idyll as their reward are Flerp, who built a singular moment more than a world, but nailed that moment with aplomb in Like the Old, Dead Fairytales, and Fumblemouse with To Live Without, a very bittersweet story of cross-eyed lovers.

Sunday by unwantedplatypus and Breeds Contempt by Fuschia Tude both failed in following the prompt and in constructing stories with, y'know, endings. They'll be going home with a DM and a half-ration of soy gruel.

But its Wizgot and his Neon Demon who wrote the inevitable zombie story, and so it's Wizgot we'll leave locked in the lightless basement of Omelas as this week's Loser while I walk away to go find a stiff drink.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


In with Munch Rat

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


Surely you mean

tardigrade?

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


In

"Never mock a wizard's beard."

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


:toxx: gimme the jankiest card you got.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


If anyone needs help understanding the rich lore of Magic the Gathering's decades long metastory, y'know, so you can really appreciate what's going on in these rich tableaus, I'd be glad to explain things. I'm really quite the expert. :grin:

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


drat. a plot worthy of bolas, foiled.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


heya.

i'm too lazy to quote. just do the flash thing.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


Gremlin-Punk
~1045 words

Leo was high above the vast Etetr desert when his skimmer stalled out. The black sand dunes below, which turned to brilliant mirrors wherever the wind had shaped them smooth enough to catch the sun, tumbled and tumbled, an alien chessboard. The spires of the city ahead hung upside down and then twisted out of sight entirely.

The wind slapped against the cockpit walls. Leo fought the controls until the rigid frontal wings straightened to catch the wind beneath them, and the wheel almost ripped from his hand in the long, sickening moment before the skimmer swung from falling to gliding. The dorsal wings that should’ve been fluttering, blurring, propelling the skimmer on and up were trailing ldemonly through the air like translucent ribbons.

Now that he was falling in a long, shallow, maybe-survivable trajectory, Leo had time to panic. He turned in his seat and punched the wall of the engine compartment behind him. “What in the Nine Names is wrong with you?!”

“Oh, well,” a very small and very flat voice responded, “Doesn’t everyone deserve a break?”

When Leo turned back he was out of time; a dull demonact trembled through his guts and everyone bone of his body; grains of dark sand glittered like diamonds as they were strewn through the air.

* *

His jaunty green ship was a tangle of spars and splinters. Leo had built it by hand. Not his own hands, but still! He wriggled free of the cockpit, tried to walk but crumbled at the knees, so crawled from the wreck and heaved himself up onto a great boulder have submerged in the sand. He reached into his own mouth and fished out a bloody severed piece of his own cheek.

A panel fell away from the skimmer’s carriage and a small - very small - man lifted his balding head, his ugly childish face, up from the smoke uncoiling from within. “Eurgh. Don’t see what all the fuss was about, it wuz only a little break.”

“Demon! I abjure you, return to your duties at once and restore my ship!” Leo drew powerful signs in the air, tossed in curses from every dead language he knew and some he didn’t.

“Naaah.” Wriggling himself up and out, the demon flopped down into the sand. In the space behind the panel, a kind of filthy nest had been lined with chip wrappers and rag cloth and the odd sock. Something like a gear-toothed hamster wheel rocked back and forth, empty.

“You- you little poo poo!” Leo was out of dead languages. He rose and stumbled to his beautiful ship and, careful not to touch the searing metal, peered into the contraption’s guts. Sure enough, a broken motivator. All the prodding bits had gone dull. The pilot light heating the hot irons was out. “Get back to work!”

“Eeeh. I’ve been pushing that wheel for, what, five years?” The demon was so monotonous, so slow to speak, that Leo had time to pepper in a few more choice insults before it finished, “So I think I’ll just nap for a year or two.”

“I’ll die out here!” Leo wailed, and when that failed, stomped over to loom in the demon’s sun and fold his arms and more-or-less pout. “I have been called to court by the king himself, and you will not delay me.”

“Alright, I won’t.”

Leo nearly kicked him, but that would be a fine way to break his foot; the little man’s blood and flesh and bone had all come from common cattle, but his soul was cast iron. Instead, Leo scuffed at the sand and tugged at his hair and dug into the blasphemies, but the little man only said,

“Well, that’s all fine. I was just thinking, eh, it’s all a little pointless. I was peeping through a hole in the floor and there were all these bits of ruins in the sand I thought, eh. Might as well take a vacation.”

Oh, joy. Oh great sweetness of existence. An existential engine. And just when Leo thought the very rock bottom depths of his soul’s exasperation had been plumbed, a great booming voice came, somewhat muffled, up from the rock he’d rested on before.

“He’s right you know. Built half of those myself and was very proud, but they simply didn’t last.” With each word the sand gusted up, until a great stoney face was revealed.

“No! No he isn’t and no you’re the last thing I need!” Leo kicked sand back down into the pit, filling the stone giant’s mouth as it tried to respond. “No no no no…”

He paced, turned, paced back. Finally he flopped down too, the sand warm and soft underneath him.

“Now yer getting it.”

Leo cocked an eye. “I do miss a glass of wine and honey. Oh, and serving girls to bring it, of course…”

The demon nodded along with the obvious truth of that.

“A little villa right about there…” He didn’t bother pointing any particular ‘there’ out. All the there’s were more or less flat sand. “You must be looking forward to retirement.”

When the demon didn’t answer Leo tried, a little more obvious, “I’m sure you know all about retirement.”

“Wuzzat?”

“Well, once you work enough, you don’t have to work anymore. And you get a nice little villa somewhere like this -” This lovely, lovely wasteland Leo wouldn’t be caught dead in. “And probably quite a bit of wine, supposing you work hard. I think that stone fellow was probably caught slacking.” From beneath the earth, there was a grumbling.

“Oh!”

“Well, I suppose I’ll try to fix up the skimmer and head on alone…” There was a blur of unwashed hair and the stench of engine grease, gathering up the broken bits and, in a kind of whirlwind of motion, kludging them into a fair-serviceable crawler. A miniature hand emerged from the engine block and gave him the thumbs up.

Leaping into the carriage before the demon could think better, Leo threw all levers and turned all the toggles and revved it towards the city distant, where somebody could fix his motivator and maybe remind the little bastard on who’s say-so he was existing. Really, the ingratitude of demons...

http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=1575

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


In.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


In

Have you ever heard the :toxx: Theory of Lazy Authors?

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


-archived-

ThirdEmperor fucked around with this message at 13:56 on Dec 25, 2017

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


In. Flash rule.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


blood throne my rear end

that's just ketchup you fraud!

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


I'm only beheinz on last week because my computer malfunctioned right when I hit send. There was some packet loss.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


:toxx:

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


-archived-

ThirdEmperor fucked around with this message at 13:49 on Dec 25, 2017

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


In

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


Crit for QuoProQuid’s All the Vice President’s Men

What Works - You start off strong with more or less everyone already knowing the main character; I’d never seen the pictures of Nixon at Disneyland that this story sprung from, but it was easy to imagine him scowling his way down a roller-coaster, and the story does good work building on that, threading in less obvious touches of characterization alongside the guy’s well-known paranoia and whining. I don’t honestly know too much about that era, but the story still read strong and clear - ‘a Potemkin gesture’ is a slam dunk of a line that tells me everything I need to know about their relationship, and the repeat use of ‘nymph-like’ sets up the real joy at meeting Disney at the end. It worked as a character bit, despite the myopia of the viewpoint character - it's a good portrayal of someone who only has one lens to filter life through, instead of itself being a one note story. I felt a genuine claustrophobia reading it before Walt arrives and things open up a little.

What Don’t Work - I feel a little cheated that it ends where it does. There’s this sheer childish glee at meeting Disney, that maybe even knocks him out of his self-absorption for a second, but we don’t totally see it reconciled with the rest of his character. It would be interesting to see how he returns to his normal afterwards, and that would bring the piece full-circle. As it is, this is strongly voiced and composed but doesn’t end satisfyingly; maybe that’s just the fact that I came in with a strong dislike of the main character and begrudge him the high-note ending.

ThirdEmperor fucked around with this message at 13:13 on Nov 8, 2017

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


Murica! Before 1900.

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ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


Pfft. In. As if it could be worse than my own bad words.

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