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Feb 25, 2014

blue squares posted:

is there still room in megabrawl? if so count me in

there is! however there are only two more spots left!


Feb 25, 2014

crabrock posted:

Yeah i could lose some brawls, I'm in

and that makes sixteen! ill get the matchups seeded and release the first prompt asap!

Feb 25, 2014
Sixteen fools who do not value their lives have entered this sacred arena. Their names are:
Sitting Here!
Beef Supreme!
Uranium Phoenix!
blue squares!
Bad Seafood!
Fleta Mcgurn!
and crabrock!

Some are well known. Others, not so much. It does not matter. They shall face each other in glorious battle. One on one, the purest form of conflict. It is time for the


Letís keep this simple, for now.

The prompt is: unlikeable protagonist set in the 19th century written in second person.

(just as an fyi with the prompts: i will offer no further clarification or information about them. they are as they stand. it is up to you to interpret and apply them. i wont tell you what i'm looking for, except, obviously, for good stories. likewise, if i dont explicitly forbid something, then it is open to you as an option. this applies to all future megabrawl prompts)

Should be no problem for all of you, surely. It wonít stay this easy, I promise you that. I donít want to waste my best on the weakest.

However, what you really care about is who you are facing, correct? You will not know. It does not matter who your foe is. Your greatest enemy is not the ones you face on the the battlefield, but yourself. If you are valiant enough, you can overcome even the strongest of rivals.

Good luck.

Word count: 1000
Due Date: Saturday, August 26th, 2017, 11:59PM PST (talk to me if you need an extension. Iím very willing to give you the extra time if you need it)

(Yes I have already decided the matchups. You just donít get to see them.)

flerp fucked around with this message at 16:39 on Aug 13, 2017

Feb 25, 2014

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Uhhhh, hey, is there a reason I'm not on that list? Because I did sign up, or so I thought.

e: You don't need to change your evil plan. I was just looking forward to it. :smith:

opps shouldve double checked, my bad. however, youre in! ill get things figured out, you just write.

Feb 25, 2014

Uranium Phoenix posted:

I judge the above crit, like all crits, as "nice."

Speaking of judging, I've always thought that it should be good and fast. Or fast and good.

that reminds me of an old phrase, around four letters or something. cant remember how it goes tho :(

Feb 25, 2014

sebmojo posted:

*kramers into thread*

so that tyrannosaurus I've heard he's a slow prompter

fast prompting uhhhhhhhhh good prompting?

Feb 25, 2014
u all suck hth

Feb 25, 2014

blue squares posted:

That's not the second person

your word count for the megabrawl is now 669 i dont need peanut gallery comments in thread tia

Feb 25, 2014

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

but also, fantasy without white people isn't inherently political and doesn't have to make a hamfisted point.

People with different melanin levels are still people, and not everything they do has to be a statement, you know? Maybe flerp just wants to see a Samoan guy fight a dragon.

no i want to see good posts which none of these are

obligatory "but your posts are bad flerp heheheheheheheheheheheheeh" response coming soon hooray

Feb 25, 2014
:toxx: in a world where dogs rule over people

Feb 25, 2014

BeefSupreme posted:

yo flerp
gonna need some extra time on this thing


a day

ur good

Feb 25, 2014

Tyrannosaurus posted:

Flerp, I, too, couldn't read. I thought this was due Sunday same as regular TD. Could I have some extra time?


Feb 25, 2014
so i dont have to keep posting for every time, if u need an extra day for the MEGABRAWL then you get it

Feb 25, 2014
in a world with your fate determined via the astrological magic of ConStella, auged out rich girl who controls the placement of stars in the sky

928 words

Like the Old, Dead Fairytales

flerp fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Oct 11, 2017

Feb 25, 2014

The battle ends and the next duel begins soon. However, there are those who cannot get back up. First, letís get rid of the weak. The results of each match up are:

In Bad Seafood vs Fleta Mcgurn, Bad Seafood wins!
In Sitting Here vs Uranium Phoenix, Sitting Here wins!
In crabrock vs Solitair, crabrock wins!
In sebmojo vs Jitzu_the_Monk, Jitzu_the_Monk wins!
In Tyrannosaurus vs BeefSupreme, Tyrannosaurus wins!
In SurreptitiousMuffin vs Chili, SurreptitiousMuffin wins!
In Toadsmash vs Thranguy, Thranguy technically wins but really Toadsmash didnít submit anything because he loving sucks so it's a default win. Lame.
In Aesclepia vs Djeser, Djeser wins!

The winners proceed further into the megabrawl. The others wallow in defeat, as is befitting of their nature.

Now that the wretched are gone, we go into prompt number two.

Genre Mixing

If thereís something I notice about a lot of lit mags, they love to talk about the blending of genres. So why not indulge them a little bit? The combatants will have to mix together two genres I give you. Each brawl has their own two combinations.

For crabrock vs. Jitzu_the_Monk, you two will mix these genres: Magical realism and historical fiction.
For Bad Seafood vs. Sitting Here, you two will mix these genres: Slipstream and western
For Tyrannosaurus vs. Thranguy, you two will mix these genres: Surrealism and fantasy
For SurreptitiousMuffin vs. Djeser, you two will mix these genres: Cosmic horror and slice-of-life

If you don't know the genre, research them. I'm giving you a lot of time for you to think about this, use it or don't, I don't care. Good luck.

Word count: 2500


I will get my crits out for the first prompt by the end of this week.

Feb 25, 2014

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

maybe ?the promopt was badd??

no u

Feb 25, 2014

magnificent7 posted:

Yeah. I am very very very very sorry so sorry for that poo poo. Somewhere between starting and finishing I lost whatever the gently caress was going on in my head. But I finished, so. That's the ONLY thing going for that turd. SO sorry you had to read it.

instead of being sorry, write better next time

Feb 25, 2014
it turns out im a liar

:toxx: crits for megabrawl will be posted by tomorrow, 11:59pm PST

Feb 25, 2014
MEGABRAWL round 1 crits

Bad Seafood

What worked: Your voice is good. Your protagonist is suitably unlikeable.

What didnít work: Iím not a particular big fan of your prose, at times. I think it gets a little in the way of the story sometimes, where it becomes tedious to read at moments.

I donít think the story itself is that good. Itís just, I felt like I was wanting more. You were low on the word count, and Iím left feeling like Iím missing something. A slave owner gets shot, but I feel like Iím missing supposed

Overall: This feels slight. Itís a nice little moment, but I donít feel like it builds up to anything bigger. Iím not quite sure if Iím supposed to get anything bigger out of this. And regardless, I donít think this moment is strong on its own. Slave owner kicks one of his slave, slave shoots the slave owner. That situation doesnít feel strong enough on its own that I donít feel like I got much out of this story.

Fleta Mcgurn

What worked: N/A

What didnít work: You didnít write in second person.

Overall: Iíll be straight up here, this story is dull as gently caress. Some of the parallels at the beginning and end are cute, but I just canít muster up a reason to care. The relationship isnít engaging, the twist isnít interesting, the prose is so cardboard that thereís nothing for me to latch onto here. My eyes just glance along the words until I get to the end. I donít get why I should care about either of this people. This mightíve beaten Seafoodís, though, except you didnít write in second person.

Sitting Here

What worked: Your protagonist and the weird stuff in it. I donít why the guy had to eat people or why eating people gave the dude dreams, but it worked. It was interesting. It was engaging.

Your prose, also, was noticeably good. It was one of the reasons why this story stood out above UPís.

What didnít work: Your antagonist. I just, I really disliked how you did him. I didnít like how he was some magical entity, like the representation of war. It reminded me of the new Wonder Woman movie except this is supposed to be a bit more emotional and then we have this guy being like ďIím war and Iím eating an apple and youíre just a cog in the wheel.Ē It felt trope-y, but also just lame. Why is war wasting his time with some random dude eating people on a battlefield? Why does he care so much that he goes ahead and talks to him?

Your magical bullshit and the corpse eating, while engaging on a base level, doesnít matter in the slightest. Your protagonist didnít need to eat dudes, nor did he need to get their dreams. Those two things barely come up, and they donít have much impact on the story. They were a neat idea, but theyíre window dressing in this story.

Overall: This is a story that works on the first read through where you nod your head along, but when you get into the details, it starts to fall apart. Your protagonist, too, wasnít especially unlikeable. Cannibalism is bad, but idk, I never hated this dude. Maybe Iím just hosed in the head. The primary reason this won was because of its prose and its ability to engage.

Uranium Phoenix

What worked: Your protagonist. Specifically, his voice. While it mightíve been laid on a bit too thick at moments, it still worked. He is unlikeable, and in retrospect, we can say heís an idiot, but I believed him. I thought what he did made sense. Maybe not good or smart, but believable, and thatís what really mattered.

Your climax. The moment where he takes the swig works. If it didnít, this story wouldnít have landed whatsoever. It made sense, had that dramatic irony that we knew ďwell, he hosed up there,Ē but it worked right. If that moment failed, this story wouldíve easily lost. It still lost tho but not as badly i guess.

What didnít work: Way too much talking. The story itself is too dull, I think. Itís interesting from a personal perspective, as a biologist and all that, but like, I canít imagine somebody reading this who doesnít care about the Germ Theory and being especially engaged. I mean, Iím interested in that and still, I found myself bored most of the way through.

I didnít like the ending. It rushed through multiple years, and not really for anything. It was just like ďfriendship is back now :) ď but the impact of that is lost because itís given all in summary. We donít actually get to see the friendship be restored, weíre told that it is.

Overall: This is decent. Thatís the issue, though. Itís okay, but doesnít quite excel anywhere. Thereís not enough interest in this story, and I wouldíve liked to have seen more time spent on the regrowth of their friendship, if anything.


What worked: Your voice was good. It was fun, and I liked the idea of the zeal of the people being somehow transmitted into the machines they used as well. It was engaging enough to keep me reading.

The prose was good, as well.

What didnít work: The plot itself felt slight. Train runs over some buffalos, then gets chased by Indians, and then train crashes. RIP train. Thereís not much else to it, now is there?

Overall: This is a story that relies on its voice to carry it, and while it does, whenever I read this story, I always have the same feeling. Whatís the drat point? Ok, cool, a train likes running over buffalo, but I canít glean any more meaning besides death train. I wanted more out of this because I really wanted to like this. The voice and prose is good, but then, whatís the loving point? Who knows. It feels like a gilded coin, nice to look out, but when you look deeper, itís cheap and worthless.


What worked: Your characterís voice was well done, and the moment when your protagonist shot that dude, that was great.

What didnít work: Too much exposition. Way too much. You needed to heavily cut most of that.

Overall: When I first read this story, I had this matchup blank. That was because I wanted to like your story more than I actually did and I wanted to dislike crabís more than I actually did. But when I reread this, I realized, thereís no possible way I can give you the win. There is a mountain of exposition, and most of it is just not that very interesting. Research is fine, but take the moments that are the most interesting and make them into your story. All of this is done in the retrospect. You needed to have this story actually take place in a moment -- where it be in the trial like your first line suggested, or in some other moment. With your character just recounting whatís going on, itís hard to be engaged. We arenít actually there, in the heat of the moment. Put us there. Still, I found myself oddly engaged to this story. I donít like political stories, myself, but I think the narratorís voice and what was going on was interesting (and when the shooting took place, that made me perk up in my seat, it was a good moment). I wanted this to work, but it really didnít.


What worked: N/A

What didnít work: N/A

Overall: Iím not gonna bother with the what worked/didnít with this story, because this one of those stories that is quite ok. The issue is that none of it really excels. I donít think your protagonist is really unlikeable. He seems more like a clutzy dope, which is fine I guess. And Iím a bigger fan of this kind of rom-com situations than most i think, but this story has the traditional formula -- guy meets girl, girl doesnt like him, something happens, girl likes him. The issue is the story doesnít do anything with the formula. No subversions or changes, so I felt like Iíve read this story a hundred times over. Itís not bad, but it doesnít stick out in any way.


What worked: The first two paragraphs were great. They set the tone fantastically and made me smile.

I really liked how you did Pamelaís actions near the end. It was really nicely done, mostly because it just had her shrug and go back to bed and left the implications for the reader to determine on their own.

The tone and energy of this piece was great and fun.

What didnít work: I really did not like the ending, mostly because it was all ďthereís gonna be a sequel!!!Ē maybe a stronger conclusion wouldíve helped.

Overall: This a standout story of the week, imo. Itís not a particularly unique trope or anything, but the way itís written is what makes it excel. Itís fun, but not light, if that makes sense. A lot of times, when people write ďfunĒ stuff, thereís a lack of impact, which this story is able to maintain. The characters care about whatís happening instead of being irreverent. The prose might be a little overdone at moments, but I think it works well for the most part. It really does feel like a kid doing these things. And when Pamela just shrugs and walks away is a great way of doing the climax. So, idk, I really enjoyed this story.


What worked: The ending worked. I liked where it ended, as well. It left the space for the reader to decide what happens. Does the protagonist change? Or does he buckle down and get even more pissed? Who knows, but I like it nonetheless. It ends at the perfect spot to let the reader decide.

What didnít work: Nothing stood out as awful.

Overall: Iím not sure how I feel about this one exactly. Itís a perfectly adequate story, with not a lot of problems, but when I think back to this story, nothing stands out. Thereís nothing memorable or particularly engaging with this. I think it mightíve spent too much time on the fight when the fight itself is not too interesting. Probably too many scene breaks, as well. I think you did well in making your unlikeable narrator sympathetic in their own kind of way. But I donít find the fighting to be all that interesting, and the context around the fighting is decent, but Iím left thinking not a lot of really interested me. Itís not a bad story, but itís one where it kind of just exists, without quite pulling me in deeply. And Iím not sure what it is. The fighting isnít all that interesting, and the interesting bits about the characters come in a bit too late. Perhaps having some more information about Rubal or the narrator before the fight could be more interesting, or more focus on the aftermath of the fight.

Beef Supreme:

What worked: N/A

What didnít work: N/A

Overall: Not gonna bother with the worked/didnít work because this isnít a story. This is an intro. Nothing happens. We learn that the narrator ruined a characterís life, and now that character is hiring the narrator to ruin someone elseís life. Itís not bad, and the ideas surrounding it could make for a good story, but the difference is that it COULD make a good story. Right now, itís nothing. Nobody changes, nothing really changes. Nothing is gained from this. I want to know what happens afterwards. I want to see what this does, to both characters, but I donít get anything. Iím left feeling blank. And even though Trexís story wasnít that great, I couldnít award a win to somebody who didnít write a story. My advice is solely this: finish your story.


What worked: Your prose was good, like usual.

The opening is very effective.

What didnít work: Oh god, some of the tonal shifts in this was so bad. I couldnít tell if you were trying to be funny or what. Like this line, idk


ďNeigh,Ē you said. ďNeigh, so goes the horse, as is its way. The horse, like you, is dead. See, itís not so bad? The nice horse died too. If you come with me, you can have the nice horse. Neigh.Ē

When I read this I was just like wtf. I canít tell if youíre trying to be actually funny or like ďdeath is so disconnected he thinks this is a good way to talk to a kidĒ or what. But it doesnít work. It is so jarring it takes me out of the story completely, especially given how good your opening was. The issue is that your opening is full of melancholy. When this comes up, this breaks up the tonality of it. Even if itís supposed to be unsettling or not funny, it clashes with the dramatic tone of the beginning. Oh and then the horse is not even right like what the gently caress???? I donít know what you were thinking with this bit but it isnt funny and fits into this story like a square block going into a circle hole.

Death being personified, idk man, thatís been done a million times over and so when I saw it, I just rolled my eyes.

Overall: This is one of those mood pieces, Iíd say. And itís effective when you decide to keep the tone consistent. But the tonal shifts are so jarring, so bizarre, that it drives me completely out of the story. I understand that sometimes fusing together humor and sadness can be effective, but the humor doesnít land because the humor that is done doesnít mesh with the tone otherwise set in the rest of the story.


What worked: I donít know, really.

What didnít work: The ďit was all a dream :O ď Sure there was some impact of the dream because it had some consequences but idk, it was still stupid.

The long fight scene with a gravel monster. Like, what?

Overall: This was boring. I had no reason to care about the protagonist. Unlikeable doesnít mean uninteresting, and thatís what your character was. The fight scene with the gravel monster was weird, not really because of the monster, but the prose. None of it really made sense, which I mean, itís all a dream yadayada, but like, I just didnít give a poo poo. I had no reason to be interested in whatís going on with the story. Thereís a boxer who cheats and then he fights a gravel monster BUT IT WAS A DREAM and now he has gravel in his face. Idgi. and there was nothing interesting in besides the monster but like the monster just kinda sat there and wasnít really menacing or interesting.

Oh yeah and your story suffers from the classic ďcut your first paragraphĒ syndrome.


What worked: Eh, not a lot.

What didnít work: You didnít write in second person.

You picked the wrong character to make your narrator. Your narrator doesnít do anything. He observes. Readers want to be a part of the action, but we arenít able to because you gives us a character who can only listen to a guy who actually does things.

Overall: Honestly, this was pretty classic newbie stuff, maybe even a bit better than the usual newbie entry. The main issue is that the story isnít very interesting. The contempt the narrator has for the other character doesnít make any sense. Thereís a lot of dialogue, but a lot of it is not very interesting or engaging. All of the stuff that might actually be interesting or cause character development is with the person we donít get to see. Instead, we see a boring innkeeper complain.


What worked: I liked the narrator

What didnít work: The story itself isnít really that interesting.

Overall: I think this is one of those stories where I felt like you, the writer, was more interested in this stuff than me. Also, this isnt really second person, but more second person than Aesclepiaís. The issue is that the story isnt really there. Itís more a person telling somebody what they will do, and it lacks that kind of immediate energy of actually seeing the action be done. I kind of like the idea of a pharaoh waging war and doing things not out of some divine destiny or w/e. And I like the mystery of the narrator and who he is. But i think by only telling us what will happen muddies the story. It makes it harder to be invested in whatís going on. I wish i couldíve at least seen some bits of him fulfilling the prophecy or destiny or w/e. Itís just not all that interesting from a story/action standpoint, even though I do like the tone and conceit of the piece.


Iíll be fair and say I didnít read this until i had to do crits because Iím lazy. I can see what youíre trying to do here, but it doesnít quite land. I think the issue is that we donít ever get to see the kid. We only have the narrator to despair in his mind, but I think we got some external persence, from the town or the kid or anybody else, this would add some extra depth to the story. I also feel that the backstory of the narrator isnt needed in the exacting detail you gave. We just need to know he was a bad guy, became a sherrif, now heís gotta hang a kid that he doesnt want to kill. I feel that without going outside of the narrator, we arenít able to see any more nuisance. I wish we couldíve seen more of why these people want to kill the kid (even if itís just bloodlust), what the kid feels or says, or just had something outside of the narrator. Itís not bad, but it doesnít have the impact itís trying to make. Itís supposed to be a tragedy, but it doesnít feel that tragic, perhaps because we donít know the kid and thus canít feel a significant amount of remorse for him when he dies.

Feb 25, 2014

heck same

Feb 25, 2014
*clears throat*


*clears it again*


*coughs really loudly like im dying*

hello yes id like a prompt please thanks

Feb 25, 2014
hi im a nerd

Feb 25, 2014
exmond why did the bee hum crit

Feb 25, 2014

sebmojo posted:

you are all horrible monsters that need to be punished Speak up if you agree and want a savage :siren:flash rule:siren: branded on your hide.


Feb 25, 2014
interprompt: seb sucks

Feb 25, 2014
sit down little ones. have you heard the one of why thunderdome has so many bad words? well, its a long one.

once upon a time ten million years ago some idiot woke up on some weird island. and he was like wth this place is stupid. then he looked in the ocean and saw his dumb face and threw up.

then he went on the internet and signed up to the Something Awful Forums as "sebmojo". then he posted a single post in the thunderdome thread and it was bad forever and forever because of some dumb moron

the end

Feb 25, 2014
here's quick and dirty megabrawls results sorry for the delay

crabrock beat jitzu
muffin beat djeser
trex beat thranguy
sitting here won because seafood gave up

next prompt isnt up yet because i have a dumb gimmick

Feb 25, 2014

making this simple

prompt: prose poem. cant be about love or death. 450 words.

crabrock vs trex
muffin vs sitting here

you each get a different individual flash rule decided by somebody you beat earlier in the megabrawl

crabrock, as dictated by jitzu, the tone of your piece must be sentimental, and as close to saccharine as possible.
trex, as dictated by thranguy, you will write about the grand and glorious sport of cheese-wheel rolling and the outcome of the contest is important, but not the central conflict
muffin, as dictated by djeser, great pyramids of giza
sitting here, as dictated by uranium phoenix, you must include space wizards and cyberpunk fairies

due oct 14, 11:59pm PST this is a saturday blah blah if you need an extension then tell me etc etc

Feb 25, 2014

Obliterati posted:

Nobody cares why you failed
100 words

pee pee poo poo my words are bad and no matter how much i blame other things they will always be bad

Feb 25, 2014
but why are you posting when it doesnt say in or isnt a crit/story


Feb 25, 2014
Maxwellís equations

948 words

The Heart is an Ancient Organ

flerp fucked around with this message at 04:46 on Dec 7, 2017

Feb 25, 2014
if you have questions about crits ask in irc #thunderdome or the fiction advice thread

Feb 25, 2014

Feb 25, 2014

Sitting Here posted:

hey flerpo, you got an ETA on megabrawl judgment?

wednesday oct 25th :toxx:

i keep making them due right when it hits test season thats my bad

Feb 25, 2014
in :toxx:

Feb 25, 2014
simbyotic the amazing victor steele amusement park crit

Feb 25, 2014

Simbyotic posted:

Thanks, everyone's mentioning the ending so I guess I didn't do as good a job at telegraphing it as I thought I had.

ok i normally dont do a follow-up to a crit but i really have to say this as much as i hate clogging up the thread even more

the problem with the ending is not that it wasnt telegraphed. it is that the ending is not interesting. it doesn't provide a conclusion, or a meaningful end. it just says "welp, all of this didn't matter, nobody gained anything, and john was beat mercilessly." we gain nothing from the ending, so even if it was telegraphed, even if the first line in the story told us exactly how the story would end, the ending would still suck because it is a poo poo ending. the ending should provide some conclusion, some evidence that the character changed (or tried to change) and that the story told was important to somebody. your ending did nothing. all it did was say "nothing happened, go home now" and THATS why the ending was bad. not because i wasnt expecting it.

but not losing is a good goal and i belief in u

Feb 25, 2014
megabrawl results:

crabrock wins. i liked both of these and it wouldve been a lot tougher if trex decided to write a prose poem. oh well.

muffin vs sh is tougher.

i regret not giving my crit of muffin's earlier story out because it did a similar thing but w/e. anyways "sar-coughing" is a pun and not clever word play and every time i think back on your piece i keep getting really mad that you decided to put a stupid obnoxious pun in your otherwise serious piece. like why god damnit.

sh's kinda just washes over me in nice little images but it starts to mean something near the end. it fits my aesthetic very well which is why i find this one tougher.

but when i think about a poem and what a poem tries to do, it's to say a lot in little space. and while i think sh's does have a lot in it, i don't think there's a lot there on a deeper level. there's nice images but i dont think they quite coalesce into a meaningful whole. i also think muffin's has the bit of the same philosophy, but its piece is driving to a deeper purpose. i think it can be focused more and warrants a deeper crit than this, but regardless, i think it was a better poem. it gets more done in less space and is driving at something stronger. i might like sh's words a bit more, tho.

so muffin wins vs sh.

final prompt will be in a different post

Feb 25, 2014

ok crabrock and muffin. you did your thang, murdered a bunch of lovely writers, now it's time for the finale.

your story will be entirely in dialogue. it will be a conversation between people who have never meet in a place they've never been before. i dont know what the hell they're saying that's up to you to decide

no word limit
deadline is honestly whenever but let's say uhhhhhh november 18th 2017 but thats a really soft deadline but i need the stories eventually


Feb 25, 2014

Sitting Here posted:

poetry is garbage, someone fight me

ur wrong hth

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