|
blue squares posted:is there still room in megabrawl? if so count me in there is! however there are only two more spots left!
|
#
¿
Aug 13, 2017 01:18
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 26, 2024 01:16 |
|
|
crabrock posted:Yeah i could lose some brawls, I'm in and that makes sixteen! ill get the matchups seeded and release the first prompt asap!
|
|
#
¿
Aug 13, 2017 04:25
|
|
|
Sixteen fools who do not value their lives have entered this sacred arena. Their names are: Thranguy! sebmojo! SurreptitiousMuffin! Chili! Tyrannosaurus! Jitzu_the_Monk! Djeser! Sitting Here! Beef Supreme! Aesclepia! Toadsmash! Solitair! Uranium Phoenix! blue squares! Bad Seafood! Fleta Mcgurn! and crabrock! Some are well known. Others, not so much. It does not matter. They shall face each other in glorious battle. One on one, the purest form of conflict. It is time for the FIRST ROUND OF THE SECOND KIND OF ANNUAL MEGABRAWL! Let’s keep this simple, for now. The prompt is: unlikeable protagonist set in the 19th century written in second person. (just as an fyi with the prompts: i will offer no further clarification or information about them. they are as they stand. it is up to you to interpret and apply them. i wont tell you what i'm looking for, except, obviously, for good stories. likewise, if i dont explicitly forbid something, then it is open to you as an option. this applies to all future megabrawl prompts) Should be no problem for all of you, surely. It won’t stay this easy, I promise you that. I don’t want to waste my best on the weakest. However, what you really care about is who you are facing, correct? You will not know. It does not matter who your foe is. Your greatest enemy is not the ones you face on the the battlefield, but yourself. If you are valiant enough, you can overcome even the strongest of rivals. Good luck. Word count: 1000 Due Date: Saturday, August 26th, 2017, 11:59PM PST (talk to me if you need an extension. I’m very willing to give you the extra time if you need it) (Yes I have already decided the matchups. You just don’t get to see them.) flerp fucked around with this message at 17:39 on Aug 13, 2017 |
|
#
¿
Aug 13, 2017 04:59
|
|
|
Fleta Mcgurn posted:Uhhhh, hey, is there a reason I'm not on that list? Because I did sign up, or so I thought. opps shouldve double checked, my bad. however, youre in! ill get things figured out, you just write.
|
|
#
¿
Aug 13, 2017 17:38
|
|
|
Uranium Phoenix posted:I judge the above crit, like all crits, as "nice." that reminds me of an old phrase, around four letters or something. cant remember how it goes tho 
|
|
#
¿
Aug 15, 2017 18:53
|
|
|
sebmojo posted:*kramers into thread* fast prompting uhhhhhhhhh good prompting?
|
|
#
¿
Aug 15, 2017 23:04
|
|
|
u all suck hth
|
|
#
¿
Aug 17, 2017 19:53
|
|
|
blue squares posted:That's not the second person your word count for the megabrawl is now 669 i dont need peanut gallery comments in thread tia
|
|
#
¿
Aug 18, 2017 03:20
|
|
|
SurreptitiousMuffin posted:but also, fantasy without white people isn't inherently political and doesn't have to make a hamfisted point. no i want to see good posts which none of these are obligatory "but your posts are bad flerp heheheheheheheheheheheheeh" response coming soon hooray
|
|
#
¿
Aug 18, 2017 23:44
|
|
|
 in a world where dogs rule over people
|
|
#
¿
Aug 22, 2017 23:13
|
|
|
BeefSupreme posted:yo flerp ur good
|
|
#
¿
Aug 26, 2017 22:48
|
|
|
Tyrannosaurus posted:Flerp, I, too, couldn't read. I thought this was due Sunday same as regular TD. Could I have some extra time? 
|
|
#
¿
Aug 26, 2017 23:20
|
|
|
so i dont have to keep posting for every time, if u need an extra day for the MEGABRAWL then you get it
|
|
#
¿
Aug 26, 2017 23:48
|
|
|
in a world with your fate determined via the astrological magic of ConStella, auged out rich girl who controls the placement of stars in the sky 928 words Like the Old, Dead Fairytales flerp fucked around with this message at 22:15 on Oct 11, 2017 |
|
#
¿
Aug 28, 2017 04:38
|
|
|
MEGABRAWL PROMPT TWO: The battle ends and the next duel begins soon. However, there are those who cannot get back up. First, let’s get rid of the weak. The results of each match up are: In Bad Seafood vs Fleta Mcgurn, Bad Seafood wins! In Sitting Here vs Uranium Phoenix, Sitting Here wins! In crabrock vs Solitair, crabrock wins! In sebmojo vs Jitzu_the_Monk, Jitzu_the_Monk wins! In Tyrannosaurus vs BeefSupreme, Tyrannosaurus wins! In SurreptitiousMuffin vs Chili, SurreptitiousMuffin wins! In Toadsmash vs Thranguy, Thranguy technically wins but really Toadsmash didn’t submit anything because he loving sucks so it's a default win. Lame. In Aesclepia vs Djeser, Djeser wins! The winners proceed further into the megabrawl. The others wallow in defeat, as is befitting of their nature. Now that the wretched are gone, we go into prompt number two. Genre Mixing If there’s something I notice about a lot of lit mags, they love to talk about the blending of genres. So why not indulge them a little bit? The combatants will have to mix together two genres I give you. Each brawl has their own two combinations. For crabrock vs. Jitzu_the_Monk, you two will mix these genres: Magical realism and historical fiction. For Bad Seafood vs. Sitting Here, you two will mix these genres: Slipstream and western For Tyrannosaurus vs. Thranguy, you two will mix these genres: Surrealism and fantasy For SurreptitiousMuffin vs. Djeser, you two will mix these genres: Cosmic horror and slice-of-life If you don't know the genre, research them. I'm giving you a lot of time for you to think about this, use it or don't, I don't care. Good luck. Word count: 2500 Due date: 9/16/2017 11:59 PM PST. THIS IS A SATURDAY. I HAVE IT ON A SATURDAY SO THE THREAD ISN'T CLOGGED WITH A BUNCH OF MEGABRAWL AND WEEK ENTRIES. SUBMIT ON SATURDAY. I AM NO LONGER GIVING ANY UNILATERAL EXTENSIONS. IF YOU DONT SUBMIT AND DONT TALK TO ME BEFOREHAND, YOU ARE hosed. YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO FIGURE OUT TIME ZONE FUCKERY. I will get my crits out for the first prompt by the end of this week.
|
|
#
¿
Aug 29, 2017 22:39
|
|
|
SurreptitiousMuffin posted:maybe ?the promopt was badd?? no u
|
|
#
¿
Sep 5, 2017 00:39
|
|
|
magnificent7 posted:Yeah. I am very very very very sorry so sorry for that poo poo. Somewhere between starting and finishing I lost whatever the gently caress was going on in my head. But I finished, so. That's the ONLY thing going for that turd. SO sorry you had to read it. instead of being sorry, write better next time
|
|
#
¿
Sep 5, 2017 03:03
|
|
|
it turns out im a liar crits for megabrawl will be posted by tomorrow, 11:59pm PST
|
|
#
¿
Sep 7, 2017 21:24
|
|
|
MEGABRAWL round 1 crits Bad Seafood What worked: Your voice is good. Your protagonist is suitably unlikeable. What didn’t work: I’m not a particular big fan of your prose, at times. I think it gets a little in the way of the story sometimes, where it becomes tedious to read at moments. I don’t think the story itself is that good. It’s just, I felt like I was wanting more. You were low on the word count, and I’m left feeling like I’m missing something. A slave owner gets shot, but I feel like I’m missing supposed Overall: This feels slight. It’s a nice little moment, but I don’t feel like it builds up to anything bigger. I’m not quite sure if I’m supposed to get anything bigger out of this. And regardless, I don’t think this moment is strong on its own. Slave owner kicks one of his slave, slave shoots the slave owner. That situation doesn’t feel strong enough on its own that I don’t feel like I got much out of this story. Fleta Mcgurn What worked: N/A What didn’t work: You didn’t write in second person. Overall: I’ll be straight up here, this story is dull as gently caress. Some of the parallels at the beginning and end are cute, but I just can’t muster up a reason to care. The relationship isn’t engaging, the twist isn’t interesting, the prose is so cardboard that there’s nothing for me to latch onto here. My eyes just glance along the words until I get to the end. I don’t get why I should care about either of this people. This might’ve beaten Seafood’s, though, except you didn’t write in second person. Sitting Here What worked: Your protagonist and the weird stuff in it. I don’t why the guy had to eat people or why eating people gave the dude dreams, but it worked. It was interesting. It was engaging. Your prose, also, was noticeably good. It was one of the reasons why this story stood out above UP’s. What didn’t work: Your antagonist. I just, I really disliked how you did him. I didn’t like how he was some magical entity, like the representation of war. It reminded me of the new Wonder Woman movie except this is supposed to be a bit more emotional and then we have this guy being like “I’m war and I’m eating an apple and you’re just a cog in the wheel.” It felt trope-y, but also just lame. Why is war wasting his time with some random dude eating people on a battlefield? Why does he care so much that he goes ahead and talks to him? Your magical bullshit and the corpse eating, while engaging on a base level, doesn’t matter in the slightest. Your protagonist didn’t need to eat dudes, nor did he need to get their dreams. Those two things barely come up, and they don’t have much impact on the story. They were a neat idea, but they’re window dressing in this story. Overall: This is a story that works on the first read through where you nod your head along, but when you get into the details, it starts to fall apart. Your protagonist, too, wasn’t especially unlikeable. Cannibalism is bad, but idk, I never hated this dude. Maybe I’m just hosed in the head. The primary reason this won was because of its prose and its ability to engage. Uranium Phoenix What worked: Your protagonist. Specifically, his voice. While it might’ve been laid on a bit too thick at moments, it still worked. He is unlikeable, and in retrospect, we can say he’s an idiot, but I believed him. I thought what he did made sense. Maybe not good or smart, but believable, and that’s what really mattered. Your climax. The moment where he takes the swig works. If it didn’t, this story wouldn’t have landed whatsoever. It made sense, had that dramatic irony that we knew “well, he hosed up there,” but it worked right. If that moment failed, this story would’ve easily lost. It still lost tho but not as badly i guess. What didn’t work: Way too much talking. The story itself is too dull, I think. It’s interesting from a personal perspective, as a biologist and all that, but like, I can’t imagine somebody reading this who doesn’t care about the Germ Theory and being especially engaged. I mean, I’m interested in that and still, I found myself bored most of the way through. I didn’t like the ending. It rushed through multiple years, and not really for anything. It was just like “friendship is back now  “ but the impact of that is lost because it’s given all in summary. We don’t actually get to see the friendship be restored, we’re told that it is. Overall: This is decent. That’s the issue, though. It’s okay, but doesn’t quite excel anywhere. There’s not enough interest in this story, and I would’ve liked to have seen more time spent on the regrowth of their friendship, if anything. crabrock What worked: Your voice was good. It was fun, and I liked the idea of the zeal of the people being somehow transmitted into the machines they used as well. It was engaging enough to keep me reading. The prose was good, as well. What didn’t work: The plot itself felt slight. Train runs over some buffalos, then gets chased by Indians, and then train crashes. RIP train. There’s not much else to it, now is there? Overall: This is a story that relies on its voice to carry it, and while it does, whenever I read this story, I always have the same feeling. What’s the drat point? Ok, cool, a train likes running over buffalo, but I can’t glean any more meaning besides death train. I wanted more out of this because I really wanted to like this. The voice and prose is good, but then, what’s the loving point? Who knows. It feels like a gilded coin, nice to look out, but when you look deeper, it’s cheap and worthless. Solitair What worked: Your character’s voice was well done, and the moment when your protagonist shot that dude, that was great. What didn’t work: Too much exposition. Way too much. You needed to heavily cut most of that. Overall: When I first read this story, I had this matchup blank. That was because I wanted to like your story more than I actually did and I wanted to dislike crab’s more than I actually did. But when I reread this, I realized, there’s no possible way I can give you the win. There is a mountain of exposition, and most of it is just not that very interesting. Research is fine, but take the moments that are the most interesting and make them into your story. All of this is done in the retrospect. You needed to have this story actually take place in a moment -- where it be in the trial like your first line suggested, or in some other moment. With your character just recounting what’s going on, it’s hard to be engaged. We aren’t actually there, in the heat of the moment. Put us there. Still, I found myself oddly engaged to this story. I don’t like political stories, myself, but I think the narrator’s voice and what was going on was interesting (and when the shooting took place, that made me perk up in my seat, it was a good moment). I wanted this to work, but it really didn’t. Sebmojo What worked: N/A What didn’t work: N/A Overall: I’m not gonna bother with the what worked/didn’t with this story, because this one of those stories that is quite ok. The issue is that none of it really excels. I don’t think your protagonist is really unlikeable. He seems more like a clutzy dope, which is fine I guess. And I’m a bigger fan of this kind of rom-com situations than most i think, but this story has the traditional formula -- guy meets girl, girl doesnt like him, something happens, girl likes him. The issue is the story doesn’t do anything with the formula. No subversions or changes, so I felt like I’ve read this story a hundred times over. It’s not bad, but it doesn’t stick out in any way. Jitzu_The_Monk What worked: The first two paragraphs were great. They set the tone fantastically and made me smile. I really liked how you did Pamela’s actions near the end. It was really nicely done, mostly because it just had her shrug and go back to bed and left the implications for the reader to determine on their own. The tone and energy of this piece was great and fun. What didn’t work: I really did not like the ending, mostly because it was all “there’s gonna be a sequel!!!” maybe a stronger conclusion would’ve helped. Overall: This a standout story of the week, imo. It’s not a particularly unique trope or anything, but the way it’s written is what makes it excel. It’s fun, but not light, if that makes sense. A lot of times, when people write “fun” stuff, there’s a lack of impact, which this story is able to maintain. The characters care about what’s happening instead of being irreverent. The prose might be a little overdone at moments, but I think it works well for the most part. It really does feel like a kid doing these things. And when Pamela just shrugs and walks away is a great way of doing the climax. So, idk, I really enjoyed this story. Tyrannosaurus What worked: The ending worked. I liked where it ended, as well. It left the space for the reader to decide what happens. Does the protagonist change? Or does he buckle down and get even more pissed? Who knows, but I like it nonetheless. It ends at the perfect spot to let the reader decide. What didn’t work: Nothing stood out as awful. Overall: I’m not sure how I feel about this one exactly. It’s a perfectly adequate story, with not a lot of problems, but when I think back to this story, nothing stands out. There’s nothing memorable or particularly engaging with this. I think it might’ve spent too much time on the fight when the fight itself is not too interesting. Probably too many scene breaks, as well. I think you did well in making your unlikeable narrator sympathetic in their own kind of way. But I don’t find the fighting to be all that interesting, and the context around the fighting is decent, but I’m left thinking not a lot of really interested me. It’s not a bad story, but it’s one where it kind of just exists, without quite pulling me in deeply. And I’m not sure what it is. The fighting isn’t all that interesting, and the interesting bits about the characters come in a bit too late. Perhaps having some more information about Rubal or the narrator before the fight could be more interesting, or more focus on the aftermath of the fight. Beef Supreme: What worked: N/A What didn’t work: N/A Overall: Not gonna bother with the worked/didn’t work because this isn’t a story. This is an intro. Nothing happens. We learn that the narrator ruined a character’s life, and now that character is hiring the narrator to ruin someone else’s life. It’s not bad, and the ideas surrounding it could make for a good story, but the difference is that it COULD make a good story. Right now, it’s nothing. Nobody changes, nothing really changes. Nothing is gained from this. I want to know what happens afterwards. I want to see what this does, to both characters, but I don’t get anything. I’m left feeling blank. And even though Trex’s story wasn’t that great, I couldn’t award a win to somebody who didn’t write a story. My advice is solely this: finish your story. Muffin What worked: Your prose was good, like usual. The opening is very effective. What didn’t work: Oh god, some of the tonal shifts in this was so bad. I couldn’t tell if you were trying to be funny or what. Like this line, idk quote:“Neigh,” you said. “Neigh, so goes the horse, as is its way. The horse, like you, is dead. See, it’s not so bad? The nice horse died too. If you come with me, you can have the nice horse. Neigh.” When I read this I was just like wtf. I can’t tell if you’re trying to be actually funny or like “death is so disconnected he thinks this is a good way to talk to a kid” or what. But it doesn’t work. It is so jarring it takes me out of the story completely, especially given how good your opening was. The issue is that your opening is full of melancholy. When this comes up, this breaks up the tonality of it. Even if it’s supposed to be unsettling or not funny, it clashes with the dramatic tone of the beginning. Oh and then the horse is not even right like what the gently caress???? I don’t know what you were thinking with this bit but it isnt funny and fits into this story like a square block going into a circle hole. Death being personified, idk man, that’s been done a million times over and so when I saw it, I just rolled my eyes. Overall: This is one of those mood pieces, I’d say. And it’s effective when you decide to keep the tone consistent. But the tonal shifts are so jarring, so bizarre, that it drives me completely out of the story. I understand that sometimes fusing together humor and sadness can be effective, but the humor doesn’t land because the humor that is done doesn’t mesh with the tone otherwise set in the rest of the story. Chili: What worked: I don’t know, really. What didn’t work: The “it was all a dream :O “ Sure there was some impact of the dream because it had some consequences but idk, it was still stupid. The long fight scene with a gravel monster. Like, what? Overall: This was boring. I had no reason to care about the protagonist. Unlikeable doesn’t mean uninteresting, and that’s what your character was. The fight scene with the gravel monster was weird, not really because of the monster, but the prose. None of it really made sense, which I mean, it’s all a dream yadayada, but like, I just didn’t give a poo poo. I had no reason to be interested in what’s going on with the story. There’s a boxer who cheats and then he fights a gravel monster BUT IT WAS A DREAM and now he has gravel in his face. Idgi. and there was nothing interesting in besides the monster but like the monster just kinda sat there and wasn’t really menacing or interesting. Oh yeah and your story suffers from the classic “cut your first paragraph” syndrome. Aesclepia What worked: Eh, not a lot. What didn’t work: You didn’t write in second person. You picked the wrong character to make your narrator. Your narrator doesn’t do anything. He observes. Readers want to be a part of the action, but we aren’t able to because you gives us a character who can only listen to a guy who actually does things. Overall: Honestly, this was pretty classic newbie stuff, maybe even a bit better than the usual newbie entry. The main issue is that the story isn’t very interesting. The contempt the narrator has for the other character doesn’t make any sense. There’s a lot of dialogue, but a lot of it is not very interesting or engaging. All of the stuff that might actually be interesting or cause character development is with the person we don’t get to see. Instead, we see a boring innkeeper complain. Djeser What worked: I liked the narrator What didn’t work: The story itself isn’t really that interesting. Overall: I think this is one of those stories where I felt like you, the writer, was more interested in this stuff than me. Also, this isnt really second person, but more second person than Aesclepia’s. The issue is that the story isnt really there. It’s more a person telling somebody what they will do, and it lacks that kind of immediate energy of actually seeing the action be done. I kind of like the idea of a pharaoh waging war and doing things not out of some divine destiny or w/e. And I like the mystery of the narrator and who he is. But i think by only telling us what will happen muddies the story. It makes it harder to be invested in what’s going on. I wish i could’ve at least seen some bits of him fulfilling the prophecy or destiny or w/e. It’s just not all that interesting from a story/action standpoint, even though I do like the tone and conceit of the piece. Thranguy I’ll be fair and say I didn’t read this until i had to do crits because I’m lazy. I can see what you’re trying to do here, but it doesn’t quite land. I think the issue is that we don’t ever get to see the kid. We only have the narrator to despair in his mind, but I think we got some external persence, from the town or the kid or anybody else, this would add some extra depth to the story. I also feel that the backstory of the narrator isnt needed in the exacting detail you gave. We just need to know he was a bad guy, became a sherrif, now he’s gotta hang a kid that he doesnt want to kill. I feel that without going outside of the narrator, we aren’t able to see any more nuisance. I wish we could’ve seen more of why these people want to kill the kid (even if it’s just bloodlust), what the kid feels or says, or just had something outside of the narrator. It’s not bad, but it doesn’t have the impact it’s trying to make. It’s supposed to be a tragedy, but it doesn’t feel that tragic, perhaps because we don’t know the kid and thus can’t feel a significant amount of remorse for him when he dies.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 8, 2017 22:50
|
|
|
steeltoedsneakers posted:Thanks, Chili heck same
|
|
#
¿
Sep 14, 2017 20:59
|
|
|
*clears throat* p *clears it again* PRO *coughs really loudly like im dying* hello yes id like a prompt please thanks
|
|
#
¿
Sep 19, 2017 20:59
|
|
|
hi im a nerd
|
|
#
¿
Sep 19, 2017 22:31
|
|
|
exmond why did the bee hum crit https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FoHBXTLLD4vBvoc4jCXF1sKdmnGQ6O3dfwGzi3IkBxQ/edit?usp=sharing
|
|
#
¿
Sep 21, 2017 00:33
|
|
|
sebmojo posted:you are all horrible monsters that need to be punished Speak up if you agree and want a savage hi
|
|
#
¿
Sep 21, 2017 03:46
|
|
flash rule
|
interprompt: seb sucks
|
|
#
¿
Sep 26, 2017 02:15
|
|
|
sit down little ones. have you heard the one of why thunderdome has so many bad words? well, its a long one. once upon a time ten million years ago some idiot woke up on some weird island. and he was like wth this place is stupid. then he looked in the ocean and saw his dumb face and threw up. then he went on the internet and signed up to the Something Awful Forums as "sebmojo". then he posted a single post in the thunderdome thread and it was bad forever and forever because of some dumb moron the end
|
|
#
¿
Sep 26, 2017 02:35
|
|
|
here's quick and dirty megabrawls results sorry for the delay crabrock beat jitzu muffin beat djeser trex beat thranguy sitting here won because seafood gave up next prompt isnt up yet because i have a dumb gimmick
|
|
#
¿
Sep 27, 2017 09:08
|
|
|
MEGABRAWL PROMPT 3 making this simple prompt: prose poem. cant be about love or death. 450 words. crabrock vs trex muffin vs sitting here you each get a different individual flash rule decided by somebody you beat earlier in the megabrawl crabrock, as dictated by jitzu, the tone of your piece must be sentimental, and as close to saccharine as possible. trex, as dictated by thranguy, you will write about the grand and glorious sport of cheese-wheel rolling and the outcome of the contest is important, but not the central conflict muffin, as dictated by djeser, great pyramids of giza sitting here, as dictated by uranium phoenix, you must include space wizards and cyberpunk fairies due oct 14, 11:59pm PST this is a saturday blah blah if you need an extension then tell me etc etc
|
|
#
¿
Sep 27, 2017 21:01
|
|
|
Obliterati posted:INTERPROMPT pee pee poo poo my words are bad and no matter how much i blame other things they will always be bad
|
|
#
¿
Oct 9, 2017 17:06
|
|
|
but why are you posting when it doesnt say in or isnt a crit/story
|
|
#
¿
Oct 10, 2017 06:57
|
|
|
Maxwell’s equations 948 words The Heart is an Ancient Organ flerp fucked around with this message at 05:46 on Dec 7, 2017 |
|
#
¿
Oct 16, 2017 02:57
|
|
|
if you have questions about crits ask in irc #thunderdome or the fiction advice thread
|
|
#
¿
Oct 16, 2017 17:20
|
|
|
magnificent7 posted:prompt
|
|
#
¿
Oct 16, 2017 23:27
|
|
|
Sitting Here posted:hey flerpo, you got an ETA on megabrawl judgment? wednesday oct 25th i keep making them due right when it hits test season thats my bad
|
|
#
¿
Oct 21, 2017 02:04
|
|
|
in
|
|
#
¿
Oct 24, 2017 16:11
|
|
|
simbyotic the amazing victor steele amusement park crit https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vWkcthwfbwgpYbomEfEt19qWE9la-zlG-ZLUSHv_bs8/edit?usp=sharing
|
|
#
¿
Oct 24, 2017 16:43
|
|
|
Simbyotic posted:Thanks, everyone's mentioning the ending so I guess I didn't do as good a job at telegraphing it as I thought I had. ok i normally dont do a follow-up to a crit but i really have to say this as much as i hate clogging up the thread even more the problem with the ending is not that it wasnt telegraphed. it is that the ending is not interesting. it doesn't provide a conclusion, or a meaningful end. it just says "welp, all of this didn't matter, nobody gained anything, and john was beat mercilessly." we gain nothing from the ending, so even if it was telegraphed, even if the first line in the story told us exactly how the story would end, the ending would still suck because it is a poo poo ending. the ending should provide some conclusion, some evidence that the character changed (or tried to change) and that the story told was important to somebody. your ending did nothing. all it did was say "nothing happened, go home now" and THATS why the ending was bad. not because i wasnt expecting it. but not losing is a good goal and i belief in u
|
|
#
¿
Oct 24, 2017 17:42
|
|
|
megabrawl results: crabrock wins. i liked both of these and it wouldve been a lot tougher if trex decided to write a prose poem. oh well. muffin vs sh is tougher. i regret not giving my crit of muffin's earlier story out because it did a similar thing but w/e. anyways "sar-coughing" is a pun and not clever word play and every time i think back on your piece i keep getting really mad that you decided to put a stupid obnoxious pun in your otherwise serious piece. like why god damnit. sh's kinda just washes over me in nice little images but it starts to mean something near the end. it fits my aesthetic very well which is why i find this one tougher. but when i think about a poem and what a poem tries to do, it's to say a lot in little space. and while i think sh's does have a lot in it, i don't think there's a lot there on a deeper level. there's nice images but i dont think they quite coalesce into a meaningful whole. i also think muffin's has the bit of the same philosophy, but its piece is driving to a deeper purpose. i think it can be focused more and warrants a deeper crit than this, but regardless, i think it was a better poem. it gets more done in less space and is driving at something stronger. i might like sh's words a bit more, tho. so muffin wins vs sh. final prompt will be in a different post
|
|
#
¿
Oct 26, 2017 04:50
|
|
|
FINAL MEGABRAWL PROMPT WHOA ok crabrock and muffin. you did your thang, murdered a bunch of lovely writers, now it's time for the finale. your story will be entirely in dialogue. it will be a conversation between people who have never meet in a place they've never been before. i dont know what the hell they're saying that's up to you to decide no word limit deadline is honestly whenever but let's say uhhhhhh november 18th 2017 but thats a really soft deadline but i need the stories eventually
|
|
#
¿
Oct 26, 2017 04:59
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 26, 2024 01:16 |
|
|
Sitting Here posted:poetry is garbage, someone fight me ur wrong hth
|
|
#
¿
Oct 26, 2017 05:05
|
|