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Playing catch up!  Crits for week 250: Everything Means Nothing Anymore My usual disclaimer her stands. I am not great at giving crits. I am much better suited to actually talk about stories directly with a person. Take these all with a grain of salt and if you'd like to hear from me further, find me on irc or shoot me a PM. And let my shameful, delayed crits, be a lesson to everyone. Do crits right away goddammit. Someone recommended that I take my time with them so that I could offer some real insight after thinking about the stories. What actually happened, was these things faded from my scope of awareness and then they just never happened. So yeah, just do them. Tweezer Reprise Forevr, South Carolina Your first paragraph is boring. Criminally so. There’s just a bunch of world building that doesn’t garner much in the way of interest whatsoever. Couple that with the fact this story uses A LOT of words and you’re basically telling the reader, from the jump, that this is going to be a slog. There needs to be some thrust, some action, in the first paragraph. Let me know why I should care about this or find it interesting. The fact that by the third paragraph, we’re still learning about the setting is problematic in a very large way. If you want to keep on painting a picture of the environment do so through storytelling. But if you’re starting your third--very long paragraph--with “Forty people lived in Forever, and forty people exactly. There were twenty-three men, and seventeen women, who generally handled different sets of tasks, as was natural in any fledgling society.” You’ve got problems. The telling of this story is flat and baggy. You could’ve accomplished a lot more with a lot less. Look how long it takes you to get to the dialogue. There’s also a problem with occasional flowery, and unecessary language “He pulls off his helmet, his dirty-blonde hair mottled and damp with sweat—that then drips down and emulsifies in his tired wrinkles.” Is such a bizzare sentence in the context of this story. As a rule, I’d say that the excessive length of your story comes not from too many sentence, but from sentences that are too long. This “ Aman touches his scar, scratches it, and he nearly rips open the ugly scar tissue again, as he had a few times before, all times when he was particularly on edge.” can so easily become this “Aman engaged in his anxious habit of scratching at his scar.” It’s not golden prose or anything but it’s more efficient and arguably more effective since it would get to the point much faster. Overall, this needs an edit but it’s by no means a discouraging first entry. Muffin A literal story about a shaggy dog Ok, that’s a good opener. Past that, I worry that this piece’s intent on being kinda stream-of-conscious and freeflow ends up hurting its impact. At a certain point if your piece becomes too hard to follow the reader will just become disinterested. I’m not given enough reasons to care about this, early on, to buy into the madness that follows and that’s a problem because I can just as easily disengage from a piece. That’s kinda how I approached this, your decision to keep it short saved you from a DM but if you had expanded the intro a little bit and got the audience to buy into what was going on this could've been more effective. Meinberg Nihilism is My Kink You spend way too much time telling us how normal and ho-hum Jacob Johnson is. Honestly, the name is so perfect that it tells us much of that on its own. One paragraph would have been more than enough, but it stretched onto two. I’m wondering why you didn’t start the story at the moment of the robbery. Like, sure, give us a little bit of how normal he is, but then, get on with the drat story. That’s where things got interesting and as a rule, waiting too long before the interesting thing is not a good idea. The rest of the story… makes sense? But I don’t really care. It’s a sad, depressing little tale of how a person loses their disposition It’s just a bummer and I’m not sure what it’s trying to accomplish apart from painting a picture of disillusionment. There’s nothing that feels necessary about this story. Thranguy Girl, You’ll Be a Wolfman, Soon As always, I’m generally drawn to your work. I think I read these in judgemode but I instantly was on board. The opener is great and sets an engaging voice for the piece while also having a great amount of STUFF happen. If I had one quibble it’s that the beats of the story are connected more by “And then” as opposed to “but/so then” things have a way of happening that don’t seem to be as interconnected as they could be, but overall this was a fun piece to read that kept my interest throughout. Third Emperor Satyric Humor I was probably vulnerable to liking this story more than others due to its focus on mental health. I was happy to see that another judge liked it as much as I did and it confirmed that, overall, this was a very well told story. The tone of the piece is what won me over here the most. Dealing with sadness and struggle in a funny manner is a great choice if you have the chops to pull it off and you showed with your work here that you clearly do have those chops. The story got baggy in places but was enough of a joy to read that it carried through some of the less than interesting parts. Edit this up and tighten the focus and this could be a story that goes places. Saddest Rhino Bunnies, Dust The other judges favored this more than I did. Upon a reread now, I like it a lot more and if I was the reason it didn’t HM that’s a goof on me. There’s a lot of good ideas in here and they’re presented sharply. It’s poignant in places and clever in many others. Reading this now, I don’t have much to say except that I’m kinda bummed that this was a thing that I read in the context of “I have to read a bunch of stories” because had I stumbled upon it on its own I think it would’ve kicked my rear end. When you’re at your best, your writing can pack a wallop and that’s what’s on display here. The Cut of Your Jib Anemic Structure I was surprised this came from you. I didn’t quite understand why I should care about these characters. The story was, overall, a challenge to parse out and understand and I still can’t quite figure out what you were going for or trying to say. I’m not entirely sure if it’s worth me going through this story on a more specific pass as I’m guessing this just isn’t your best effort and you probably know better? At least, I hope? I don’t know, if you want more from me on this feel free to ask and I can give a bit more insight. Fleta Mcgurn The Girl in the Vlog Boy, you sure do characters well. It’s been a pretty consistent thing I’ve noticed about your stories is that I’m always arsed to care about your characters. Good on you for that. Along with that, you consistently do well with voice, which I suppose in this case, is an extension your character. First person seems to be a good vehicle for you. This was a long story but there was enough in to keep it interesting. Apart form other stories that were this length this week, I couldn’t imagine you doing more with less. You needed the words you used and kept things fresh and engaging throughout. This was a strong entry. Propaganda Machine Tell me about your mother I’ve been doing a lot of commenting on openings this week, and that’s for good reason. I have the attention span of a gnat. Thing is, a lot of discerning readers do to. Your opening wants to be good, but it falls short. You’re setting up SOMETHING, that much is clear, but you’ve gotta drop at least a breadcrumb to get your reader interested. All you’re really doing is to ask the reader, on nothing but good faith, to believe that SOMETHING happened. Why would I believe you? I’m not exactly sure how to dance around pigs flying, but then, this wasn’t my idea so it’s not my problem. If you can’t figure out a way to draw interest on this topic without entirely tipping your hand, it may not be the best idea. As for the rest of the story… it’s fine? I don’t know, it like brushes with magical realism but only with a cliche and it doesn’t end up impacting all that much. I’m not sure why pigs needed to fly or why it helps get your meaning across. Killer of Lawyers Fragmented Halfway through this story I was wondering why I should care about any of this. There can be some value to keeping things vague but like… who the people are in relation to one another? Probably not one of them. I don’t know why your protag is going up the mountain or who he’s talking to. Why should I care? I don’t get the ending. Maybe I’m dumb, or maybe you are, or maybe we all are. I don’t know. Is he like Shepard from Mass Effect or something? Sebmojo gave me the advice to not try to be so smart and clever with a story and that’s among the best advice I’ve gotten in the dome so I’m going to pass that along with you. Tell dumber stories. Chili fucked around with this message at 04:58 on Sep 14, 2017 |
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Continuing my crit catch up journey. WEEK 253 You can go read my insecure-fueled disclaimer in my last post. Here's the crits: Flerp Matter Cannot Be Destroyed My note for this was “lovely little piece” and that’s exactly what this is. It deftly evokes ideas and feelings. The spare prose here did you a lot of favors. You dealt big topics and stuck your landing by keeping your language direct and simple. There are no wasted words in this story. This was a solid entry. Sparksbloom Bioluminescence I saw all of this very clearly in my mind. You did a great job of painting a vivid picture of your scene. An odd criticism… your title hurts you. If you know what bioluminescence is, you kinda know how the story is going to end. It’s a surprise to your protag but not to the audience. So it kinda sucks that we don’t get to experience the magic of the moment with them. Maybe allude to it? But probably not even that. It’s the most important moment in the story so tipping your hand early isn’t ideal. Chairchucker Satellite of Love I’m a sucker for stories that deal with big things like this told in a blase manner. I think I ended up enjoying this one more than the other judges. I do worry that, by the end of story, you haven’t really said much or shown much about these characters and what’s going here. I’m just guessing here, but is the whole story some kind of overextended metaphor? It feels like it kinda has to be, which I suppose is fine but I don’t know. By the end I’m kinda lost, but I enjoyed getting lost, so that was fine enough by me. Solitair Collapse Sonata A lot of time gets spent here on describing one distressing event. You do a creditable job of painting a picture of what’s happening but for the most part, it feels somewhat distant. The somewhat flowery language is kind of distracting here from the sheer horror of what’s going in. I think that’s most noticeable in your last couple of paragraphs. Overall this was a decent entry that did do what the prompt asked. Thranguy Stakes Not sure what happened here. Your story was compelling and fun but the proofing was off in places and it definitely hurt the outcome. That’s not a typical complaint I’ve had when I read your stories so yeah, just be more careful I guess. Anyway, it’s hard to bungle a poker/gambling story if you have even the most remote amount of skill. You did a good job for the most part of setting a fun, if not somewhat familiar concept, of wagering against the devil. It’s definitely tropey but you executed well. I did care about the outcome of the game, so that itself is a victory. Jay W. Friks Uncle Matthew In my notes on this I expressed and complained about a lot of confusion and not really being able to follow much of this. It got better on a re-read but not by much. The typo in the first sentence is bad and gets your relationship with the reader off to a rocky start. It’s good to see you’ve got the formatting stuff hammered down, now just be a little more careful with your proofing, ESPECIALLY in your first couple of lines. Starting the story of with dialogue is also a questionable choice, especially dialogue that doesn’t really do too much to clue the reader in to what’s going on. Overall the story is baggy and confusing and it’s difficult to parse out what’s going on at times. The italics and bolding don’t help you all that much here either. Focus on making the words the right words, not how they look. Steeltoedsneakers Call down the storm It’s bad if I, of all people, am put off by proofing errors. There are too many in this one that it became a distraction especially when you’re going for flowery and stylish with your prose. If you’re going to be sloppy in your proofing than you should probably jump down in the spare prose gutter with the rest of us babbies. Anyway, the piece does get flashy and pretty in places but overall I’m not entirely sure what you’re trying to say or accomplish. Sentences like this: “A few hundred years ago, our emotions could only grow so much before dying along with their hosts - but as lifetimes stretched out, the potential to metastasize did too.” Are unclear and not a good way to start things off. A little focus and polish and this could be something better. Hawklad The Prompt I didn’t have as much a problem with this as the other judges of the week, if memory serves correctly. But, I see their beef. My quick note on this is that you don’t really earn much in the way of impact with the twist. You don’t breadcrumb the skeeviness of the teacher enough. So, when it happens, it’s a twist that we couldn’t possibly see coming. A good twist allows for the possibility of the reader to catch it without really being obvious about it. Another approach to this would have been to have the teacher be an actual good person, who never had such issues and just felt trapped because the situation is hard and even though he’s a good dude, he feels up against the wall. The horror of a decent person being thrust into an impossible situation seems way more interesting to me, on its face, and I wonder if this story would’ve played better if the teacher were not a skeevy perv. SurreptitiousMuffin Some nights i wake and realise i am still meat it-- I hate things like this. I wanted to DM it. Obviously, I lost on that battle. I generally have a lot of contempt for things that ramble on about how we’re meat sacks. So, it was certainly hard for me to remain impartial. I’m gonna re-read this now, since it’s short, and see what I can come up with after setting my bias aside. I still have problems with this piece and I can’t see how it HM’d. There are a fair bit of proofing errors here. And much like I said earlier to another entrant, if you’re counting on your prose to be pretty, it becomes a bigger issue. Especially since the piece is short, missing/clearly incorrect words are problematic. You spend half of your piece waxing existentialism and once you eventually get to your story not much changes. It’s mostly reflection that doesn’t seem coherent or necessary. Dmboogie i wanna blow a smoke ring at the moon so it can feel what it's like to be stuck in a circle, too The prompt was about strong ideas, opening and closing with them and etc. That’s not really what happened here. This was a little-extended musing that didn’t seem to go anywhere. In order for there to be a strong beginning and ending, there needs to be a beginning and ending in the first place. Your last sentence brings us right back to where we were in the first place and it makes me wonder why I bothered to read any of this. Meinberg Restless This piece fell into the common trap that many others seemed to this week of being largely focused on rambling/musing/picking apart minutia. There’s not much else to say about this except that there isn’t much interested cultivated early on to carry the reader’s attention. Flerp did the musing thing better than anyone else this week, that’s why he got the win. He made it personal. There’s nothing really personal about this, it’s just stuff that happens and it’s hard to care about the character that it’s happening to. What makes the narrator worth paying attention to here? Why should anyone care? Boaz-Jachim The Child of the Great Sky speaks to the Child of the Valley Clean and effective. This piece was solid. One thing you nailed here that I don’t frequently notice in TD entries is texture. It was easy to feel the sense of touch in your stories and that focus carried the story even through some of the more complex ideas that were a little confusing to parse. You also did a good job with your beginning and end. You earn the slight contrast by giving it meaning throughout the bulk of the story. I did like this one, and I can’t quite remember why it didn’t HM, but I wish I had lobbied for it harder. Fuschia tude Extrinsic Behavior Sheerly on the basis of “most stuff to happen” in the flash category, you deserved your HM this week. You told a story, not many others did. The ideas were relatively fresh and engaging and I wanted to learn more about character. This was definitely one of your stronger entries. I kinda wish this were the first chapter to a book that could dive more into the flesh of both the character and the world. May be worth considering chewing on this idea a bit more. As far as feedback goes. This is really just a preference thing but I see this story playing better as first person. You spend some time explaining her motivations, I’d kinda rather hear it from her. Also, when you’re doing a lot with a new world and new ideas it can be explained with more personal touch when we learn about the world directly through the eyes of the character. I did a similar story in a similar manner a while back and Tyrannosaurus pointed out what I’m pointing out to you now. He was right and when I reworked the story I found it to be much more effective. But again, it’s a preference thing. Fleta McGurn Part-Time Work You had me until the ending. You kinda cheated. You showed the character as worried, but they clearly never were. I don’t know, maybe she believed it and then didn’t? It certainly seems like, at the time, there was genuine fear, but then if he’s just gonna call back again and do the same poo poo, she’s clearly used to it, and why would she buy it? It’s an odd quibble but it did bother me. Otherwise this was strong. Again, your character work is good. I can see both of these people in my mind. With very few words you manage to give us a character that has flaws that we still root for. That’s worth a pat on the back. Fuubi Cut Off I don’t know why this thing is happening to him. It seems largely out of whack that he’s being executed for like… just not doing well? If that’s how you want to play it, then my interest goes to the order in the first place. Why is that how this place does things? Anyway, he’s told to go, and he does. What happens here that’s actually worth telling? Nevermind that there are fair amount of carless typos that would’ve been easily caught by even Word’s spell check. “Insyead”. You make it seem like throughout this whole story your protag is basically in control, he feigns horror multiple times and it’s clear that he has the high status. So what is there to keep us interested? If he pulled something out of his rear end at the last moment after he gotten beaten up in the conversation and backed up against the wall, wouldn’t that be better? Why is he hearing this news from someone who seems to like him? You’re giving him an out. Imagine how this story would feel if people came to him with the executioner’s sword or whatever, they hated him, and wanted him dead. He kept trying to escape but they kept him from doing so. Now we’ve got a tense situation that you’ve gotta work your way out of. That’s something worth reading. ThirdEmperor Excelsion I glossed over a couple of times as I read through it. It’s hard to find a reason to care about what Troy and Ada are doing. The first third of your story is them hiking and we don’t really know why they’re hiking. Then we learn about this monk guy, but we don’t know why we’re learning about this monk guy. Then they see the monk guy, he’s gross and covered in bugs. Your character have some kind of feelings but don’t really want to share their feelings because they aren’t big talkers. Why should I care about any of this? Sebmojo Irreducible Hard for me to say much about a story that feels like its miles above my head. So, I’ll comment on what I gathered. Good imagery and a genuine voice carried me through this. And perhaps the intention here is for there to be a string of moments that are only connected if you really squint at the piece. It seems like you want your reader to be challenged here and that’s not necessarily a bad thing but I’m also not a very good reader. OK, this crit is definitely becoming more about me than it is about you. So, um, whatever. You’re a good writer and a lovely person, write something dumber. You told me to do that once, so I’ll tell you to do that now. Go be a dumb guy. Bad Seafood One Credit Clear Doof’s Gun a element in a story that seems to be necessary but ends up not being so. Unless I missed something, the “fun” never gets fired. It’s used to good effect though because it certainly colors how the reader takes in the different moments in the story. Just introducing a gun or something that puts some element of tension and danger can be effective enough. The story is easy enough to follow but in the end I’m not totally sure what you were trying to accomplish. Not all that much gets done. Uranium Phoenix Drifting For one of the longer entries of the week, I kinda don’t have a lot to comment on here. It was good. Was in my top 3 and I don’t know why it didn’t HM. Fuschia did a lot with less than you did but at the same time, you didn’t waste time and your story wasn’t baggy or excessive. The action was slick and well blocked and your prose was spare and didn’t slow down the procession of the read. I liked this one a lot.
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Sep 14, 2017 19:00
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Can't participate as a writer this week, but I can judge if needed.
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Sep 20, 2017 03:48
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Plans got cancelled for Sunday. I'm in; throw one of your silly nerd papers at me.
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Sep 20, 2017 15:46
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Aaaaaaand, it's gone!
Chili fucked around with this message at 12:42 on Jan 2, 2018 |
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Sep 25, 2017 02:44
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If you need a judge, I'm on board.
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Sep 26, 2017 06:40
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But prompt though, what the gently caress.
Chili fucked around with this message at 08:10 on Oct 2, 2017 |
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Oct 2, 2017 07:51
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Getting part one out of the way. Crits for the most recent week, 269 OK folks. I make my disclaimer every time so I'll be brief. Tl;dr, I'd much rather actually talk about your story with you. Come find me on IRC if you'd like to. Run-N-Gun are my thoughts as I read, Overall is my impression after I've read and thought for a bit. Did these out of order, for the shiggles and to get a different viewpoint than the other judges. Burkion's No Mask Run-N-Gun: Oh, so someone is into Dexter. Flow of your first graph is not great. Need some commas, like after Instead. And don't bother telling us what we should expect. There's no money in the safe. That's enough. Less is more etc. Why doesn't The Theater Manager get a name? I suppose it's a choice, but it's a clunky one and I suspect I won't enjoy reading “The Manager” over and over again. More clunkiness into para two: “Thought that those who did were foolish.” Bad sentence. Comma issues persisting. By the third paragraph, not much has happened. I'm bored. No more crits from me until something interesting happens. Standby. OK, little interesting with the whole suicide tradition thing. Maybe. You already did the “manager as a younger man” thing once. Once is enough. First bit of action doesn't happen until paragraph 6 and it's a flashback. So many sentences start with “The Manager”. It would be a lot less bad if it were just the name of a dude. Your phrasing continues to be kind of off: “He approached the door of changing room belonging to Kyle.” Why is this not “He approached Kyle's changing room door.” Read your words out loud. This problem will go away if you do. Overall: There are too many technical/prose issues for this story to stick its landing. The last paragraph is a mess. Read the first sentence of your paragraph out loud. Tell me you can't do better than that. I dare you. This needed more time. It needed a lot of work. Yoruichi's The new guy Run-N-Gun: Not a whole lot of tension established in the opener, but it's not bad. Proofing/grammar errors abound. Missing commas, double punctuation, improper semicolon usage. Meh. Do better. “As I walk along the fifth floor corridor I get a good view of the huge school, all modern concrete and glass, big enough for thousands of students.” Go read that out loud. “I hate petty bullies.” Hot take. The action is clear, but this doesn't move me all that much and I'm not sure what you're going for. Overall: Clear enough, but again, why? What's important or interesting about this story? I don't really see much in the way of novelty and it doesn't evoke much. What did you want the reader to feel when reading this? DreamingofRoses's Just A Book Run-N-Gun: Opening with dialogue typically doesn't work. And it doesn't really work here. Several graphs in and this is just uninteresting, mundane action, over people talking. You use 1000 words total in this story, that's not that much. You're wasting time. You get one “incredulous” per story. A snort is incredulous enough, no need for that help. Saw where this was going, was hoping I was wrong, then I wasn't. Overall: Nothing terribly gripping or engaging here. Prose is flat, turn is obvious. Lot of narrative voice where I would've rather seen cool poo poo happen. Jan's Sanitorium Run-N-Gun: Starting with description ain't a great way to get a hook going. Tell me why I should care first then tell me what things look like. And we're starting with someone waking up. Still not great. I'm lost starting the second beat. I get that these are mentall fragile folks, and they may be somewhat inconsistent, but that doesn't mean your story has to be. You don't have a handle on how to punctuate dialogue. Do what I did, go here and get yourself right: http://litreactor.com/columns/talk-it-out-how-to-punctuate-dialogue-in-your-prose There's a way for you to start your story at your third beat. That's where thing seem to get moving. Solitair's Crowning the New King Run-N-Gun: Is this a lecture? It sounds like a lecture. Dude... what are you doing? I know you can tell a story. What even is this? I'm praying for an ock at the end or something. Oh, good, he begins his journey when the story ends. Overall: What? Like really, what happened here? MockingQuantum's Beyond the Black Curtain Run-N-Gun: This is the week of bland openings, it seems. We've got a dude doing mundane things. Come on, you've got every conceivable action to choose from. Start where things get interesting. Oh good, your protagonist is yawning. Now I yawned, and it's not because yawning is contagious it's because your protagonist doesn't care and I don't want to either. Top heavy exposition. “Could be. Then again, maybe it’s not a prank.” zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Lotta descrtiptive action stuff that doesn't accomplish much. Overall: Pretty underwhelming. Found it hard to care about much throughout this. Deltasquid's His Name was Natale Run-N-Gun: I'm finding myself getting through this one quickly. You handle the technique well and it stays fresh throughout. Yeah. This was pretty solid. Overall: You do a good job of slowly building intrigue and in telling a cool story. I was surprised that this method worked for me as it isn't typically something I enjoy reading, but good on you. Tyrannosaurus's marvel at the forest Run-N-Gun: Now there's a loving opener. Thank goodness. ““Eh,” Marcel says, scratching at the thin line of pubes that creep up over his jeans.” Good. I'm not generally in for druggie stories, but this is working for me. “There is snow as far as I can.” Meh. This is some pretty horrific poo poo, it's making me feel things. Thank you. Overall: Yeah, this worked. Felt like Trainspotting. It hit hard even if it was disorienting and confusing. It felt intentional to me and I was still able to follow the emotional beats of the story. Captain Indigo's Carcosa Run-N-Gun: Starting off with telling not showing in your first sentence. Boo. But at least you get to it quickly. Heavy on the description, but you do a creditable job with it. I love the reveal of who was invited. I wish it came sooner. I don't think you need nearly any part of your entire first beat. Get to the good stuff faster. What... What happened? WHY DID YOU CUT AWAY AND SKIP OVER THE GOOD PART?! OK, you do get back to it, but I wish I could've seen it start. Overall: I like the idea behind this but the execution doesn't quite do it justice. You took too long to get where this really picks up.
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Oct 3, 2017 01:31
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Deltasquid posted:If nobody else is taking you up on that offer... My sentiment as well, Beef Supreme, hit me with your thoughts bubbaleh https://thunderdome.cc/?story=5957&title=Nocturnal+Affliction
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Oct 4, 2017 16:36
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In. 
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Oct 17, 2017 21:40
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Much obliged, UP.
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Oct 19, 2017 06:53
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Aaaaaaand, it's gone!
Chili fucked around with this message at 12:43 on Jan 2, 2018 |
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Oct 23, 2017 03:48
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Schneider Heim posted:I will crit up to 3 stories, any takers? Yes please. Unless newer folks claim them. Also: Prompt. seriously-what-the-hell
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Oct 24, 2017 07:29
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Djeser posted:Prompt: Fleeting Relationship gently caress you, you loving dickshitting promptstealing flearidden wordpuker come and get me, bitch
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Nov 7, 2017 09:38
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Djeser posted:don't sign your posts Pre for whatever our judge comes up with. Cos I got stones.
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Nov 7, 2017 09:40
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 As far as I know, there hasn't been a secret santa thing ever in TD. We should do something about that. Now, not everyone feels comfortable giving their address to strangers, or wants to spend money buying and shipping things. So here's how this is going to work: I will play Santa and compile a list of all of you naughty TD folks. If you'd like to join in the fun, you need to have submitted five stories to TD so that way your Santa can effectively gather dirt on you. There are two ways you can sign up!  Story Exchange: To join this way, all you have to do is send me a PM or find me in IRC and tell me you want in. On Black Friday 11/24 you will receive your Santee assignment. You're then charged with writing a story just for them! You won't post it in the thread, you'll e-mail them. And make it classy for gently caress's sake. Don't just link them a gdoc. Make it a PDF or something fancy and official. Maybe even doodle a festive cover for it. And get your story to your Santee by Christmas, you scrooge. They are free to share it with whomever they like, it's theirs to do with as they please.  BONUS PRESENT EXCHANGE: In addition to exchanging stories, if you'd like to be included in the smaller circle of present exchangers, include in your message to me your address. On 11/24, you'll get your assignment. If you give me your address you are agreeing to both send and receive a present, and hey you can include a fancy-pants hard copy version of the story you wrote for them! The only people who will see your address are me, the person sending you a gift, and the person you send a gift to if you include a return address. After the holiday season is over, I'll delete everything address wise. I ask that everyone else do the same. Also, keep in mind that we're all over the globe. International shipping is an expensive thing. When possible, I'll do my best to group people in such a way that shipping costs won't be brutal. Unless, of course, you want to ship/receive internationally, in which case, let me know! We'll keep this simple as far as money goes, keep it under 10-20 bucks or something. I don't know, you can go hog wild if you like but just don't expect much and you'll be happy with what you get. And get your present to your Santee by Christmas, you scrooge. So tl;dr , we get a big ol' circle of stories exchanging going, which you can sign up for by messaging me with an "I'm in!" and if, IN ADDITION to a story, you want to exchange tangible, physical presents by mail, include in your message your address. Regardless, you're only gonna get one Santa, and one Santee. Don't post about this itt, we bog it down enough with our horrible words. Chili fucked around with this message at 16:47 on Nov 9, 2017 |
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Nov 9, 2017 06:16
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Bumping this as in one week's time over a dozen domers will be engaging in merriment and gift giving. JOOOOOOOIIIIIINNNNN USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSChili posted:
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Nov 16, 2017 14:21
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One final bump. Do it. Do it and you're cool. I'm gonna lock signups on 11/22 at 11:59 EST. We've got a good number of folks in both circles, this is gonna be a lot of fun. What the hell are you waiting for? Chili posted:
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Nov 21, 2017 17:28
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Bar Brawl Managed 898 Words My happy cast and crew raise their glasses. They hold their beer, wine, and spirits on high as they turn to face me, their dear director, and fearless leader. “To The Westside Story, a stronger run I cannot recall in my memory. You are among the most talented, gifted, and hardworking cast and crew I have ever had God’s blessing to work with.” “Brava!” They all cheer in unison, clink their glasses together, and down their drinks. A cartoonish groan roars from the corner of the dank establishment, and as we finish our drinks, a lowly ruffian dressed in a football jersey rises to his feet: “If I had known Netta’s was gonna be filled up with faggots tonight, I would have gone somewhere else.” They turn to me. I shrug my shoulders and call out, “The next round of Moscow Mules is on me!” They cheer and I turn to the bartender. “And for our friend in the corner, make his a double!” He stands and shambles over to me. He belches a cloud of whiskey right into my personal space. “I wouldn’t drink this girly poo poo even with her lips wrapped around my cock.” He points to Anita Foley, our Maria. Scott Logan-Davis, our Riff, rises to his feet. “You gotta problem, fella?” He’s quickly backed up by his supporting Jets. “Chung chung!” “Cracko jacko!” “Riga diga dum!” “Pam pam!” His crew stands in a tight semi-circle behind him. I recognize the strained looks of masculine anger on their faces that we’ve rehearsed for weeks to get right. They look convincing. Convincing enough to get into some real trouble. “What the gently caress is this now?” The ruffian takes a step back. Louis Wiley-Daniels, our Action, starts to snap in rhythm, the rest of the semi-circle joins him. The ruffian cocks his head to the left and stares, his jaw slowly drops. He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a bowie knife. “Rumble!” Shouts Riff. The snapping continues as the remainder of the cast make their way over to the scene. They brandish finger guns and grimaces at the ruffian who just shakes his head and points his knife at me. “Tell them to stop this poo poo. Y’hear me?” He asks. “Sir,” I stand from my high bar chair. “I have a vision. I have a vision of a world where good-hearted men like yourself and passionate thespians like my comrades and I can one day share the stage of life and show the world that we are better than our baser instincts. Can you see my vision?” He spits on my Allen Edmonds and slashes at my face. I pull back, but I’m not fast enough. He catches my cheek, and pain as I’ve never felt before screams out of me as blood trickles down my face. I lift my head up to the man and face him with shock and horror. “Why?” I ask. Suddenly, a small woman dressed in all black pushes me to the side. She’s moving quickly, and I don’t recognize her. She throws her balled-up-fist into the man’s solar plexus, and as he doubles over, she launches her knee into his nose. He drops the knife. She grabs it. And only as she straightens up do I recognize her, it’s Emily Collette, our stage manager. She turns to face us. “You’re all loving idiots.” The ruffian tilts his head up from the blood that's pooling around his face. She looks down and swiftly kicks him in the side of the head. “I am so done with this poo poo.” She says as she slips the knife into her back pocket. She reaches out to an adjacent table, grabs a shot glass filled with a brown liquid, and quickly downs it. “You are the most self-indulgent, delusional bunch of idiots I’ve ever gotten stuck with.” She walks over to her table, the whole of the bar watches in silences as she pulls on her coat and makes her way to the exit. “And by the way, that may have been the worst production of quite possibly the easiest show to pull off I’ve ever seen.” I gasp and pull my hand to my chest. “Why do you even direct plays?” She says to me. “You do know that the whole point of putting on a show is to have an idea, and execute it. Right?” “My dear, Emily-” “No.” She interrupts. “I’ve had to listen to your inane prattling for three months. You listen to me now.” I sit back in my chair, shocked at her mutinous behavior. “You don’t put on a show because you’re a bored accountant, looking for something to do on the weekends. You don’t put on a show because you’re so desperate to play make believe that you can't recognize a real threat when it’s standing right in front of your face.” The cast turns to me, but I don’t know what to do to comfort them. She continues. “You put on a show because there's a truth inside you that burns so badly you must speak it. Because you’re so grounded in reality that you must rattle your chains and force people to see things as you do.” And with that, she leaves Netta’s. She emerged as our savior and became the worst thing imaginable, a critic. And for that, I shall never forgive her.
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Nov 22, 2017 07:35
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SECRET SANTA ASSIGNMENTS WILL POST TONIGHT AT 11:59 EST If you're in IRC you can find out who you got. I'll put together full things later that give you all the info you'll need to ambush your santee with presents and stories but if you want to find out who you drew, be in IRC tonight!
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Nov 22, 2017 23:09
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Secret santa assignments are all out! THIS IS NOT A SWAP. YOUR SANTA AND SANTEE ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. DO NOT CONTACT THE PERSON YOU ARE ASSIGNED Get writing, buying,
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Nov 24, 2017 22:05
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Nice Crit! Thanks Friks!
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Nov 30, 2017 23:57
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Thanks for the crits beefsupreme!
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Dec 12, 2017 16:38
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TD SECRET SANTA PEOPLE Posting pictures/details of any presents you've received from your santa is a cool and fun thing to do! No pressure, but go ahead if you'd like!
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Dec 18, 2017 06:45
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A quick reminder to the secret santa folks, because people have been asking. Posting your presents in the thread is a good and nice thing to do if you'd like to! The story you sent your santa is theirs, so they can do what they like with it. Posting it itt and asking for crits or whatever kinda goes against the spirit of the whole thing. Do what you will, though!
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Dec 22, 2017 02:16
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You know how sometimes you bring a board game over to a party, teach everyone how to play, and then feel like a butthead when you win the big prize? curlingiron was my secret santa, and oh boy, did she deliver: The presents were neatly wrapped and secured inside a big ol' box. Monty was immensely curious as to their contents:  Opening them revealed quite a haul!  An amazing, and on theme looking card game. Some candy from a local place (it's delicious and fizzy!). And an awesome book that I assure you I don't need, I'm plenty equipped to screw up my kid, thank you very much. But, the crown jewel of the box was this:  Not only did she write a perfectly wonderful, and chili-centered story, she went to the trouble of illustrating the story, and creating an actual loving book to house it.   Totally floored, curlingiron. This was far and away one of the coolest things I've ever gotten as a present. Katdicks and I both read and loved the story and we can't wait until our little one comes out so we can read it to her. Thank you so much!
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Dec 29, 2017 05:03
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