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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

In

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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Oct 31, 2017 around 22:02

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

In.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

sebmojo posted:

also genjoe is a loser who has become a winner, will the dome recognise that with an avatar?

I will. I will give him a new one (when I get home from work).

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Oct 31, 2017 around 22:06

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy



PROMPT

My friend recently pointed out to me that there is a frustrating disparity in performance choices for men and women in the theatre world. On the one hand, you can find a loving abundance of great monologues for male actors covering a wide, wide range of topics. And that's awesome. Unfortunately, female actors are stuck with a shitton of pieces involving childbirth, surprise sex, & abortion. I guess because its a really easy way to give "depth" to a female character. I don't know. But it's ludicrously oversaturated for the market and my friend doesn't like this and I don't like this, either. So y'all gonna be the change we wanna see in the world.

This week you will write me:
1) A monologue.
2) A female protagonist.
3) Nothing that has to do with childbirth or abortion or surprise sex.

Word limit: 700
Sign up Deadline: Friday Midnight EST
Submission Deadline: Sunday Midnight EST
Complicated additional fun: You may submit twice this week! Two stories! 1400 words total! Because this is a theatre prompt! I will accept one comedic piece and one dramatic piece! Yay! Do this do this do this do this do this

Sign Ups
kurona_bright
Sebmojo
Uranium Phoenix
sparksbloom Two entries! Yesssss!
Obliterati
katdicks
Kenfucius
Chernabog
Metrofreak
newtestleper
The Cut of Your Jib
Jay W. Friks
Benagain
Electric Owl
BeefSupreme Two entries! Tiiiiiiiiight!
Thranguy
SkaAndScreenplays
Chili
flerp
jon joe
curlingiron
Entenzahn
GenJoe

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Feb 4, 2017 around 13:58

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Stop over thinking this.

I know this is "different" and that makes it "scary." But I'm not going to go out of my way to be a dick about it when it comes to judging, okay? It'll be fine. You've probably already written something that could be considered a monologue and you don't even realize it.

You have 700 words to play around with. You don't need to use all 700. A two minute monologue runs about 300-400. If that's what you got to bring to the table that's a-okay.

Things that have been asked of me thus far:

1) What the gently caress is a monologue?
Let's get this one out of the way first. A monologue is a simple thing, really. At its core it is a single character talking. But talking to who? Well, either to another character who does not respond*** or the audience.

On a more heady level, it is an exercise in demonstrating characterization. There doesn't need to be a beginning, middle, end traditional storytelling structure. One could argue that you don't really even need a plot. You just need a character who is experiencing something and is undergoing a dynamic emotional response to said something.

If it helps to consider this is like writing a vignette then do that.

Oftentimes, no, usually a monologue will suggest or make reference to a larger storyline. That is totally, 100% fine! You don't need to tie everything up in a nice little bow here if you don't want to. The important thing is to give an actor something juicy and fun**** to perform.

*** Check out the example from the Island at the bottom of the post. The character is clearly having some level of conversation with another character but it is left open ended.

**** fun doesn't have to mean funny. Actors love deep, powerful emotional states to play with.

2) Does this need to be submitted in some sort of script formatting?
I don't care. Sometimes monologues are real short and thus sit in one fat paragraph. That's fine. Sometimes they encompass multiple paragraphs. That is fine, as well. This is not an area I mean to dedicate much thought to.

3) Does blocking need to be included?
Shakespeare included zero blocking. Shakespeare is rad. But you're not Shakespeare and, to be fair, most modern playwrights dictate some level of stage directions so you can as well. Perhaps you feel like the actor must be pacing across the stage during some particular, pivotal moment. Okay, great. Do this: (paces). Parenthesis and italics. Simple stuff, really. If you feel the need to really emphasis a pause you can do the same. (Pause). Simple. Stuff.

Ex: I thought this would be a rather easy prompt but... (points at his temple with a finger and "fires") Pow.

4) Am I supposed to write a story and have a monologue in it?
No. Your entire entry is the monologue.

5) Should these be written as if someone will be performing them?
Yes. If that changes your approach to writing then great. I'm not judging these on literary merit alone. A monologue is meant to be performed. To be spoken outloud. Mull this over. I'll give you some examples.

6) Can you give me some examples of monologues?
Sure.



xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A Streetcar Named Desire
I took the blows in my face and my body. All of those deaths! The long parade to the graveyard! Father, Mother! Margaret, that dreadful way! So big with it, couldn't be put in a coffin! But had to be burned like rubbish! You just came home in time for the funerals, Stella. And funerals are pretty compared to deaths. Funerals are quiet, but deaths- not always. Sometimes their breathing is hoarse, and sometimes it rattles, and sometimes they even cry out to you, "Don't let me go!" Even the old, sometimes, say, "Don't let me go." As if you were able to stop them! But funerals are quiet, with pretty flowers. And, oh, what gorgeous boxes they pack them away in! Unless you were there at the bed when they cried out, "Hold me!" you'd never suspect there was a struggle for breath and bleeding. You didn't dream, but I saw! Saw! Saw! And now you sit here telling me with your eyes that I let the place go! How in hell do you think all that sickness and dying was paid for? Death is expensive, Miss Stella! And old Cousin Jessie's right after Margaret's, hers! Why, the Grim Reaper had put up his tent on our doorstep! ? Stella. Belle Reve was his headquarters! Which of them left us a fortune? Which of them left a cent of insurance even? Only poor Jessie- one hundred to pay for her coffin. That was all, Stella! And I with my pitiful salary at the school. Yes, accuse me! Sit there and stare at me, thinking I let the place go! I let the place go? Where were you? In bed with your Polack!

Richard III
I'll make my heaven to dream upon the crown,
And, whiles I live, to account this world but hell,
And yet I know not how to get the crown,
For many lives stand between me and home:
And I,--like one lost in a thorny wood,
That rends the thorns and is rent with the thorns,
Seeking a way and straying from the way;
Not knowing how to find the open air,
But toiling desperately to find it out,--
Torment myself to catch the English crown:
And from that torment I will free myself,
Or hew my way out with a bloody axe.
Why, I can smile, and murder whiles I smile,
I can add colours to the chameleon,
Change shapes with Proteus for advantages,
And set the murderous Machiavel to school.
Can I do this, and cannot get a crown?
Tut, were it farther off, I'll pluck it down.

Bonus video of it performed by Ralph Fiennes.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Brick, let me finish! – I know, believe me I know, that it was only Skipper that harboured even an unconscious desire for anything not perfectly pure between you two! – Now let me skip a little. You married me early that summer we graduated out of Ole Miss, and we were happy, weren’t we, we were blissful, yes, hit heaven together ev’ry time that we loved! But that fall you an’ Skipper turned down wonderful offers of jobs in order to keep on bein’ football heroes – pro-football heroes. You organized the Dixie Stars that fall, so you could keep on bein’ teammates forever! But somethin’ was not right with it! – Me included! – between you. Skipper began hittin’ the bottle…you got a spinal injury – couldn’t play the Thanksgivin’ game in Chicago, watched it on TV from a traction bed in Toledo. I joined Skipper. The Dixie Stars lost because poor Skipper was drunk. We drank together that night all night in the bar of the Blackstone and when cold day was comin’ up over the Lake an’ we were comin’ out drunk to take a dizzy look at it, I said, ‘SKIPPER! STOP LOVIN’ MY HUSBAND OR TELL HIM HE’S GOT TO LET YOU ADMIT IT TO HIM!’ – one way or another!

HE SLAPPED ME HARD ON THE MOUTH! – then turned and ran without stopping once, I am sure, all the way back into his room at the Blackstone… -When I came to his room that night, with a little scratch like a shy little mouse at his door, he made that pitiful, ineffectual little attempt to prove that what I had said wasn’t true…

In this way, I destroyed him, by telling him the truth that he and his world which he was born and raised in, yours and his world, had told him what could not be told. From then on Skipper was nothing at all but a receptacle for liquor and drugs.

Sorry – I’m not tryin’ to whitewash my behaviour, Christ, no! Brick, I’m not good. I don’t know why people have to pretend to be good, nobody’s good. The rich or the well-to-do can afford to respect moral patterns, conventional moral patterns, but I could never afford to, yeah, but – I’m honest! Give me credit for just that, will you please? Born poor, raised poor, expect to die poor unless I manage to get us something out of what Big Daddy leaves when he dies of cancer! But Brick?! – Skipper is dead! I’m alive! Maggie the cat is alive! I am alive! I am alive!

Amadeus
I don't understand you! You don't give a poo poo about gods and heroes! If you're honest - each one of you - which of you isn't more at home with his hairdress than Hercules? Or Horatius? Or your stupid Danaius come to that! Or mine - mine! Idomeneo, King of Crete! All those anguished antuques are all bores! Bores, bores, bores!

All serious operas written this century are boring! (laughs vigorusly) Look at us! Four gaping mouths. What a perfect quartet! I'd love to write it - just this second of time, this now, as you are! Herr Chamberlain thinking 'Impertinent Mozart: I must speak to the Emperor at once!' Herr Prefect thinking 'Ignorant Mozart: debasing opera with his vulgarity!' Herr Court Composer thinking 'German Mozart: what can he finally know about music?' And Herr Mozart himself, in the middle, thinking 'I'm just a good fellow. Why do they all disapprove of me?' That's why opera is important, Baron. Because it's realer than any play! A dramatic poet would have to put all those thoughts down one after another just to represent this second of time. The composer can put them all down at once - and still make us hear each one of them. Astonishing device: a Vocal Quartet! ....I tell you I want to write a finale lasting half and hour! A quartet becoming a quintet becoming a sextet. On and on, wider and wider - all sounds multiplying and rising together - and the together creating a sound entirely new!

.... I bet you that's how God hears the world: millions of sounds ascending at once and mixing in His ear to become an unending music, unimaginable to us! That's our job! That's our job, we composers: to combine the inner minds of him and him and him and her and her - the thoughts of chambermaids and Court Composers - and turn the audience into God. (blows a raspberry and giggles) I'm sorry. I talk nonsense all day: it's incurable. My tongue is stupid, Baron. My heart isn't.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead
Do you ever think of yourself as actually dead, lying in a box with the lid on it? Nor do I really. Silly to be depressed by it. I mean, one thinks of it like being alive in a box. One keeps forgetting to take into account that one is dead. Which should make all the difference. Shouldn't it? I mean, you’d never know you were in a box would you? It would be just like you were asleep in a box. Not that I’d like to sleep in a box, mind you. Not without any air. You'd wake up dead for a start and then where would you be? In a box. That's the bit I don't like, frankly. That’s why I don’t think of it. Because you'd be helpless wouldn't you? Stuffed in a box like that. I mean, you'd be in there forever. Even taking into account the fact that you're dead. It isn't a pleasant thought. Especially if you're dead, really. Ask yourself: if I asked you straight off I'm going to stuff you in this box now – would you rather to be alive or dead?

Naturally you’d prefer to be alive. Life in a box is better than no life at all. I expect. You'd have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking, well, at least I’m not dead. In a minute, somebody’s going to bang on the lid and tell me to come out. (knocks) "Hey you! What's your name? Come out of there!"

The Island
One night you won't sleep again because you'll be countring. Not days, as you are doing now, but hours. And the next morning, that beautiful morning, John, they'll take you straight out of your cell to the Discharge Office where they'll give you a new khaki shirt, long khaki trousers, brown shoes. And your belongs!

They'll wrap them up in a parcel. You'll have it under your arm when they lead you to the gate. And outside, John, outside that gate, New Brighton will be waiting for you. Your mother, your father, Princess and the children, and when they open it your people will take you home. Everybody will be waiting for you-- aunts, uncles, friends, neighbours. They'll put you in a char, John, like a king, give you anything you want-- cakes, sweets, cooldrinks-- and then you'll start to talk. You'll tel them about this place, John, about Hodoshe, about the quarry, and about your good friend Winston who you left behind!

They'll fill you up with booze. They'll look after you.

(quietly) You stink, John. You stink of beer, of company, of freedom. Your freedom stinks, John, and it's driving me mad. Three months time, at this hour, you'll be wiping beer off your face, your hands on your balls, you will will laugh, you will drink, you will gently caress and forget. (Pause.)

You know where I ended up this morning, John? In the quarry. Next to old Harry. Do you know old Harry, John? Look into his eyes, John. Look at his hands. They've changed him. They've turned him into stone. Watch him work with that chisel and hammer. Twenty perfect blocks of stone every day. Nobody else can it like him! He loves stone. That's why they're nice to him. He's forgotten himself. He's forgotten everything. Why's here. Where he comes from.

That's happening to me, John. I've forgotten why I'm here. gently caress the others. gently caress our ideals. gently caress slogans. gently caress politics. gently caress everything! Why am I here? I'm jealous of your freedom, John. I also want to count.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx



7) Why are you asking people to submit two monologues?
Because I want to see people's versatility and because I think it will be fun. As a bonus incentive, if you submit twice and one is DM-worthy and the other isn't... I won't give you a DM. Even if it's just middle of the pack. Good writing will be a buoy. I want you to step out of your comfort zone and take some risks. This could potentially save you from a loss, as well.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Feb 2, 2017 around 22:40

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

I have added clarifications.


Muffin & Chili, I'm not sure what you guys mean.

Title
word count

words.


That seems pretty standard. If the question is: should I be writing this with someone performing it outloud in mind? The answer is yes.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Feb 2, 2017 around 08:35

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Chili posted:

Are stage directions ok? That's my question; I think it's muffins as well.

Tyrannosaurus posted:

3) Does blocking need to be included?

Mamet wrote: "Don't write stage directions. If it is not apparent what the character is trying to accomplish by saying the line, telling us how the character said it, or whether or not she moved to the couch isn't going to aid the case. We might understand better what the character means, but we aren't particularly going to care."

But Mamet is also a prick. So, in short, write them if you want to. It's cool with me. I don't mind! Different playwrights have different styles. Perhaps some bit of stage direction is vital to the understanding and performance of your monologue. Well then of course you better include it!

Do you what you think is best to make your monologue wonderful. I want to read awesome words. Not lovely words.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Sunday. Midnight. EST.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

That's fine.

Sign ups are now closed, though, for real

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Julias posted:

Evidently I need to find a way to get myself motivated. So I'm perma-ing that I'll do redemptions for Weeks 193, 196, 227, and 228 by March 31st, 11:59PM EST. In addition, I must also submit at least one story for a new Thunderdome prompt between this post and that deadline.

gently caress you.

Also, submissions closed

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

FJGJ

Kenfucius's Little Heart Attacks
sparksbloom's Social Studies
curlingiron's Damsels & Diplomacy
Uranium Phoenix's Who Holds the Walls of Byzantium
Uranium Phoenix's Lovebugs
GenJoe's Casino
& newtestleper's Admit that this problem can't be solved with a spreadsheet

Those all receive Honorable Mentions this week. Are they perfect? No. But they were fun pieces that had interesting, dynamic characters and were filled with juicy, performative lines that would be a lot of fun to act. I could legitimately give these to my students and have them perform them and it would be great fun to watch. Good job.

No dms. Nice.

Jay W. Frik's Moonlight Goes Back Home committed probably the biggest sin for a performance piece and that was to be boring. The character is bland and the speech flavorless and the most interesting stuff appears in the stage directions. That earns it the loss.

Thranguy's The Seventh Portrait is loving grande, y'all. First, I'm just super impressed with it on a technical level: it's a Shakespearean style iambic pentameter soliloquy ending with a rhyming couplet. That's a lot to try and tackle. Second, the guts of it are powerful. Great story. And very, very performable. There's a ton for an actor to play with and get excited about. Much like how Shakespeare’s soliloquies contain some of his most original and powerful writing, this entry contains the best of the week. A clear and uncontested winner.

Thank you everyone for not ruining this prompt. I am not filled with hate and rage and that's probably a first. And probably a last.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Those are great

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

I'm in.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Oct 31, 2017 around 22:06

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

I'm in.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Oct 31, 2017 around 22:06

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

FJGJ

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy



10 or whatever box you think is more difficult idgaf

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

In

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

In. 1 place. 3 Fleta's choice.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

flerp posted:

hey babydome, how’s it been? having a nice time with your friends, writing bad words, being dumb, etc etc? well, its time to change all of that because it is time for blood. it is time to announce:

THE SECOND KIND OF ANNUAL MEGABRAWL

muffin ran a megabrawl a while back and now im here to run another. do you think youre tough poo poo, a cool rear end motherfucker who is the best writer on these dead gay forums? or do you want to stomp some nerds in the ground and steal their hopes and dreams lunch money? then well youve come to the right place.

multiple rounds of brawl against the toughest of the tough in this (not really) venerated hall of fiction. if you lose, youre out. the last one standing is the champion.

this isnt going to be your standard brawl prompts tho, oh no. this isnt going to be "write about your favorite pet" or "tell me about that dream you had" or other baby poo poo. these prompts will be here to test you. they'll be hard. they'll take you out of your comfort zone. hell, they might not even be fiction prompts. you dont know. nobody does except me. but if you think youre hot poo poo then that shouldnt matter to you. the only thing that matters is OWNING DUMB NERDS.

no restrictions. you think youre good enough even if you dont have an HM or a win? then come along and gently caress some kids up. there will be no hand holding, no consolation prizes (or prizes in general). all there is to earn is eternal glory, and all there is to lose is honor (and your life but doesnt matter compared to the honor).

talk poo poo, quote this post, and join the MEGABRAWL.

only 16 may enter in this glorious combat. first come first serve. i can work with smaller numbers, but 16 is the maximum and ideal number for the carnage

okay

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Oct 31, 2017 around 22:06

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

flerp posted:

that reminds me of an old phrase, around four letters or something. cant remember how it goes tho

FJGJ?

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy



I'm cribbing this week's title and concept from Daniel Jose Ruiz's article of the same name. Read the article. It's cool. For the prompt, you're going to write fantasy but you can't make it about white people, okay? It should probably be high fantasy if you're into semantics and subgenres but I mostly just want to read good words and not bad words. You don't have to include a dragon but you're writing with -250 words if you don't. You may substitute a similarly great creature of fantasy in lieu of a dragon and avoid the word deduction. Most importantly... don't forget to have fun!

Deadlines
Friday at midnight est for signups
Sunday at midnight est for submissions

Limits
1250 words
Poetry

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Judge: me

Writers: Uranium Phoenix
Jay W. Friks
Wizgot
Fuubi
Sitting Here
Okua
Thranguy
Not Nipsy Russell
Djeser
unwantedplatypus
klapman
Flesnolk
SurreptitiousMuffin
sebmojo
Captain_Indigo
ThirdEmperor

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Aug 18, 2017 around 17:17

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Don't write poetry.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

klapman posted:

If I have two dragons do I get more words. thank you in advance

No but good question!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

crabrock posted:

is there any number of dragons that can raise a word count? What about a million loving dragons?

No sorry but great question thanks!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

I am the Dovahkiin; I am a dragon writing this, can I get extra words for being part dragon?

No no one is getting extra words but thanks for asking!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

haha WOW this shitposting sure is fun especially from people who haven't signed up! great!

stop

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Jay W. Friks posted:

Question: I know it's supposed to be fantasy (preferably) high fantasy. Would it be alright if I set the story in our world but pulled fantastical elements in? Like I'm not sure how much fantasy is needed on the sparkle meter to make this legit.

Low fantasy is okay I guess it's not really what I'm looking for but if you can make it really really great then go for it! Thanks for asking!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

but your posts are bad flerp heheheheheheheheheheheheeh

Tyrannosaurus, what exactly counts as a 'dragon'? Can we include stuff like Chinese dragons? Wyverns? Taniwha?

I guess what I'm asking is do you want a very specific high-fantasy "firebreathing giant lizard with wings and a weirdly fat belly" or are you accepting giant intelligent mythological reptiles of all stripes?

Sure! I mostly want people to write good words and enjoy themselves and also include at least one cool creature from fantasy. And more mostly not write about white people. Thanks for the questions, Muffin!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

well well well look at the time look at the time

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

fjgj
loser: unwantedplatypus
winner: ThirdEmperor

grats. crits coming soon.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Wizgot posted:

Well, I didn't catch that the time was for the east coast. As is deserved, because this is my second time not submitting a story and I , the punishment dealt out is deserved. I really hope I can come back in the future.

It is better to submit and to keep writing. I'm going to bed. Post before I wake up and you won't be banned and you'll get a crit and you won't be quite as worthless

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy


nice

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Crits

I usually open up every fresh batch crits with some nice hot ranting and raving over everyone’s general idiocy and utter lack of reading comprehension. But… no one hosed up the prompt this week. I’m stunned. I’m literally stunned. It’s almost depressing that my bar is set so low that when everyone just reads the prompt I’m happy but, you know what, I’m not going to focus on that. I’m just going to be pleased with you chucklefucks.

No dms this week No one was awful. In fact, unwantedplatypus might not have lost on another week. The story wasn’t terrible. It just had some-- well-- rather egregious grammatical, spelling, and formatting issues. Good news, though, platypus? Those are all fixable. Don’t quit like a little bitch just because you lost. You’ll never get better that way. You get better by writing more. By entering week after week, writing more, getting critiques, writing more, learning from your mistakes, and writing more. There’s no shortcut to greatness here. Just the simple truth that becoming proficient at a craft takes time and effort.

No hms this go round. No one was particularly great. There were only maybe two people that even attempted something adventurous with their mythological creature. Most stories involved a brave somebody attacking and slaying a bad dragon. By no means a bad way of going at the prompt. But if you wrote that kind of story, and a lot of you did, what was there to make yours special? Why should yours have stood out? Why should yours have stood out not just from the other entries this week but all of dragon-slaying canon? You should always try to bring something new to the table. And if you can’t bring something new then at least bring something that was a lot of fun.

Again. Nothing was awful. I appreciate that. I really do. Especially since so many people who couldn’t even bother to sign up decided to poo poo all over the thread for some reason this week. Thanks for that. I’m sure I won’t remember you next time I’m a judge because I’m a very normal person and not at all prone to fits of irrational grudge making ha ha ha

On to the crits!

sitting here -- Threefold Law
I can usually tell your writing. I couldn't hear. This didn't read like you. I think because it's kind of sloppy. Probably because you submitted so early. Is this what a first draft looks like for you? It seems like you just sat down, cranked out some words, and hit submit.

The stuff with Gnaja-Kir was fun. Perhaps this is how I become the serpent. I liked that bit. It was a nice bit of characterization. The relationship between Tehun and Hnuin isn't developed enough. Nor are they developed enough as characters. Nor is the conflict-- their need for change-- built up enough.

Also, strange crit here I know, but I found your sentences lack variation. Lots of short sentences. Made me read it staccato. There were some places I might have combined a bunch of short ones into a long flowing sentence which builds and rolls and continues on in that old-timey story teller kinda way. I don’t know. I don’t know how valuable any of this is because I suspect you might have had a neat idea of how you wanted to wrap everything together but then it was almost the weekend and you still had to work on your novel so you just said gently caress it it’s good enough

Uranium Phoenix -- Force of Nature
Cut your first paragraph. Your second does a much better job at showing me how big the dragon is. Telling me is boring. It has a literal ecosystem living on it-- that's a super rad way of demonstrating size.

What was the point of Uchenna hiring the two warriors? What was the point of writing two separate characters? They don't read particularly different. They don't do different things. Combine them and what do you lose?

What is your conflict here? Nothing really stood in Unchenna's way. She just headed towards the dragon while stuff happened around her and then she killed it. Boom. It kinda felt like a Call of Duty game when you’re playing the campaign. Just keep going forward no need to do anything. Boom. She didn't grow as a character. She just kept... going forward. Kind of boring for your main character to have nothing change. If I’m riding the rails, I don’t want to see the rails you know what I mean?

unwantedplatypus -- Dragon-Slayer

You submitted days early and so you lost a lot of time you could have spent editing. Layers=/=lairs, of example. Did you write this in googledocs or word and then copy pasted it over? That’s fine if you did. I’d definitely recommend that over writing it all in the reply box. But you will need to go in and manual insert paragraph breaks. Same with dialogue. Indentions don’t carry over. Formating is one of those things that when done right is unnoticeable. But when you gently caress it up it becomes a huge eyesore.

Captain Indigo -- The Gift
Conceptually, this was the most interesting story this week. I very much enjoyed the juxtaposition between tribal and city living, between magic and technology, and the narrow distance the two had in terms of geography . Sometimes authors will feel compelled to over explain things and you didn’t and it worked in your favor. I wanted to know more about your world in a good way. Your opening was weak. Probably because you were grasping at how to begin your story. That’s fine. Happens to us all. Most of the time you can go back and cut it all. Get right to the good stuff.

Okua -- The Trick
Setting up the gold spell illusion with “Perhaps she had simply cast a quick glamour-spell to hide some nervous tick” was a masterful bit of writing and I loved it. Story had a solid flow. It was easy to read. Dialogue was natural. Good story, if but a little basic. See dragon. Bad dragon. Kill dragon. I would have loved for you to have tied in something a little more motivating or invested a little more in the relationship between the protagonist and Calla. That probably would have earned you the win.

Thranguy -- Monsters, And Nothing Besides
Solid title. Solid opener. Solid story. Really the only thing I didn’t like was the dragon fight. Kind of felt like a hamfisted way of ending it. The eyes never stopped glowing. That should be significant in some way since you ended it with it’s own space. Instead it kinda just feels like you thought it sounded cool so you enter enter before the sentence.

ThirdEmperor -- If We Don't Die We'll Likely Live
This would not have won another week. It is awfully unpolished and there are a great many loose ends that need to be tied up. But drat if it isn’t loving cool. Great descriptions. Great world. Great creation. I felt a little like a little kid again where I didn’t totally get everything that was going on but I just absolutely loved reading it. I’m not sure there is higher praise.

Jay W. Friks -- F.D.D.
Man, this was all over the place in terms of quality. The opening quotes-- something I don’t particularly dig anyway when it comes to short stories-- really do you a disservice. They seem to be setting up a totally different story than the one that follows. Why did only the blue dragon get a name? And why did it get a name that rhymed with “blue?” “Let us erase our careless parent from this world” is a cool line but you don’t set it up. This could have been a cool story if you made it more of a relationship thing. Neglectful parent and all that. All the other stuff, all the other descriptions and the banishment and everything, is just set dressing for an actual story. For an actual conflict. For an opportunity for character growth. For… well… whatever it’s for it never happened. And it doesn’t matter how pretty the set is if the play being performed is boring.

sebmojo -- I will balance the moon upon my finger and spin it like a ball
ayo right on time

Lovely writing but so rushed there at the end that whatever point you were trying to make was lost. I can tell you were aiming for some level of poignancy but you never build it up enough to achieve. I liked reading it. But I wish it had actually meant something.

wizgot -- The bards will sing
Aight. That wasn’t bad. You definitely had some cool stuff in here. The sentience stuff was interesting. The dialogue, though limited, was brisk and effective. That’s always good. You definitely were too married to that fight scene in the opening, though. I would have cut everything and started at “The snake could not grip with its convulsing body and began to slip.” I don’t need to watch the fight. But knowing the fight happened would be cool. And the following sentences do a good enough job of alluding to a great and awful battle with the snake but lets the reader imagine it in their own way. The ending sucked. But I know you just slapped it on there so you can submit.

Start writing early next time you sign up. It’s a shame to waste a good story on laziness and poor time management.

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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

In a world with dragons just... just loving everywhere, man. They're all over the place. And not cool dragons either. These dragons are everywhere and they are 100% not cool. Ubiquitous uncool dragons, I guess is what I'm trying to say here. Dragons.

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