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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Flerp, I, too, couldn't read. I thought this was due Sunday same as regular TD. Could I have some extra time?

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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:06 on Oct 31, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:06 on Oct 31, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
:siren: CCLXV :siren:


A couple years back, a kid out of Seoul wanted to become a rapper. He did. And if you watch something like his It G Ma it’s just hilariously bizarre because it is straight up Atlanta trap, y’all. I don’t like all of his music. But I like a lot of it.

What I really like, though, is his name. I think he’s got a cool-rear end rap name. Keith Ape. After his favorite artist, Keith Haring, and his chosen spirit animal. And that’s, uh, that’s basically what this week is going to be. That’s your prompt. Find an artist you like. Find a spirit animal. Make a name.

When you sign up you must also sign up with the name of your main character

If you forget to do, this then I’ll assign you a name that I think is particularly dope. Also, you can just ask me to do this. Also, you can toxx and then I’ll give you a choice between TWO names.

Like I said, that’s pretty much it, y’all. Just write me a story that fits a character named Wolf Van Gogh* or Romare Wildcat** or whatever wild and wonderful thing you choose. Have fun with it. Feel free to post some paintings from your artist if you’d like. They don’t have to influence your story. They can just be cool pictures.

Be creative. Write good words. Just write no more than 1250 words. That’s your limit. Deadline to sign up is Friday at midnight est. Deadline to submit is Sunday at midnight est.


*you may choose this
** you may also choose this

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
judges: me
Sebmojo

writers: Jay W. Friks -- Ozzy Bee
Fleta Mcgurn -- Helmut Fox
Thranguy -- Warhol Howler (+100 words!)
Pippin -- Dryden Diamondback
Aesclepia -- Julie Dormouse
ThirdEmperor -- Munch Rat
QuoProQuid -- Vincent Van Cock
Unwantedplatypus -- Isaac Newt
Blue Squares -- Martin Bird
Jon Joe -- Kid Kid
Captain_Indigo -- John William Wildcat
Fuubi -- Psy Duck :toxx:
Benny Profane -- Hammerhead Hammersly (+100 words!)
Magnificent7 -- Prince Tardigrade
Sitting Here -- Tennyson Squid
Exmond -- Billy Kid
Maigius -- Boris Manul

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 03:11 on Sep 2, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Sure!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

If my character is also a dragon, can I get more words?

We're not doing that this week. Shitposting will halve your word count. Effective immediately for all posts following this one.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Thranguy posted:

In, and give me a dope name.

Should it technically have "monkey" at the end? Yes. But... doesn't sound as cool.

Warhol Howler

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
For the record, you do it either other way. Keith Ape or Ape Harding. Also, I got a long-rear end list of names if you're having trouble coming up with something.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

sebmojo posted:

I'll judge 2

if you want

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
ookay

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
I've spent too much time thinking of names I like. So.

:siren: +100 Word Bounty :siren:
  • Wolf Van Gogh
  • Warhol Howler
  • Zinaida Gar
  • Croc Matisse
  • Vos Ox
  • Katsushika Mustang
  • Picasso Serpentine
  • Falcon Friday
  • Klarwein Turtledove
  • Hammerhead Hammersly
  • Corbeau Jarry
  • Dolly Hornet
  • Artemisia Gharial
  • Osprey Applebroog

If you've already signed up, you can switch once with a toxx. If you've already toxxed, you can switch once. First come first serve.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 16:51 on Aug 31, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

magnificent7 posted:

I'm in with Prince* Tardigrade for two reasons:

- no matter how lovely I write, at least I'm writing something. Or trying to write something. Or hating myself for failing to write something.

- SittingHere's podcast about everybody's writing. I didn't know that was a thing, I just went and listened to your very very long in-depth dissection of my story. Holy poo poo. A thousand thanks for poking holes in our work. PS, the air is bad. You heard me.

* edit - does Prince count as a name? Prince, the artist, but if you meant to go with a name name, then I can change it to Nelson Tardigrade but that's just not as awesome.

Good for you. Keep writing.

Prince Tardigrade is good name. Write good words.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Exmond posted:

Lurker here, is there a link to the podcast?

yeah you should probably enter now that you've posted in the thread

edit: so should you, additional lurker who is reading this. you don't get better at writing by just thinking about writing.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Sign ups are closed. Stories are due Sunday at midnight EST. Much like the word limit, that is a hard deadline. Write good words.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
That's it. Submissions are closed.

I don't know where sebmojo is, though. If you post before I talk with him your story might still count. Maybe.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
:siren: Week 265 Judgment:siren:

Maybe you all thought that everyone else was going to write crazy stories and that you'd be oh so clever by writing me something mundane. You weren't clever. You made a dumb choice. What a disappointing week. I asked you to write good words and I received a bunch of boring ones. What a goddamn waste of a good prompt.

Benny Profane wins.
Captain Indigo hms.
Maigus and Exmond dm.
Magnificent7 loses.

Ugh.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

magnificent7 posted:

Yeah. I am very very very very sorry so sorry for that poo poo. Somewhere between starting and finishing I lost whatever the gently caress was going on in my head. But I finished, so. That's the ONLY thing going for that turd. SO sorry you had to read it.

Its okay. Keep writing!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Taciturn Tactician posted:

In and the cowl does not make the monk

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. And I'm in for the one-armed man challenge.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Oct 31, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Here.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
:siren: Keith Ape Crits :siren:

Thranguy - Echoes and Nemeses
Alright, we’re off to an excellent start. Good name. Fun story. Pretty much exactly what I wanted. I do think if you need to go back and foreshadow your reveal more, though. It’s somewhat unbelievable that a man wouldn’t recognize his own older self-- even with the paradox scarring (which is a cool concept). And this is rare time where it seems appropriate to explain a name. After all, the protagonist changes his plsu Sophie Gazelle is similarly named (artist [I’m assuming] + animal) so there must be some sort of convention for it amongst time travelers.

Do I think you had fun writing this? Yes
Did you do something cool with your name? Yes

Sitting Here - Bloop Hunter
Well this was just goddamn bizarre. Real talk-- Sebmojo wanted to DM your story but I thought it was a delightfully peculiar. What a strange concept, prompt name notwithstanding. A totally mundane day-in-the-life tale of a fetish porn sound guy doing secret research of poop sounds in a public restroom.

Strange crit: I don’t think your name works independent of thunderdome. And I think even within the week it doesn’t really work-- but only because no one else went really wild. If this had been a week full of scifi adventurers and galactic hitmen and pulpy noir detectives then it might have stuck but as is it the self aware going on and on about the cool name falls a bit flat. Take that as you will.

Overall, fun story to read. 2 for 2.

Do I think you had fun writing this? Yes
Did you do something cool with your name? You did something weird with it. I don’t know if that’s the same thing or not

Exmond - Butting Heads
I’m going to work my way backwards from the end of your story.

I personally hate these kinds of endings. NOW is where the real story begins![ If what comes next is more interesting than what I’ve just read then why didn’t you just write about what comes next? I think it’s exceptionally difficult to create this kind of ending and not have it be hokey or hamfisted or irritating.

I didn’t remember who you were when I was reading this so I didn’t remember that you signed up with Billy Kid. When you signed up I thought “Man I hope this doesn’t end up being a Billy Goats Gruff thing.” Well. You did. I didn’t like the reveal. I didn’t find it particularly surprising. Nor did I find it particularly interesting. This was clearly an attempt to be clever but I think you went about it the wrong way. Why should him being a Billy Goats Gruff be the most interesting thing about him? Because that’s what this kind of reveal implies.

Setting up a speed dating amongst creatures from Fables is interesting. You should have been more upfront with that being exactly what it was, Especially if that’s what you were doing. If that wasn’t what you were doing… I don’t…

Billy Kid is a dick. And he reeks of that nasty trope where a normal guy does literally nothing but exist and he gets the girl because…. That’s just how it’s written. It’s stupid. He signed up for speed dating. He knows why he’s there. Acting like a child isn’t going to make a girl interested in him. Especially if she’s a dope troll hunting werewolf.

Wolves eat goats.

Do I think you had fun writing this? Yes
Did you do something cool with your name? No

Captain Indigo - The Promethean
I don’t have a lot of notes. I enjoyed reading this. I don’t understand your ending, though. Clearly, Wildcat is capable of making a dozen people kills themselves buuuuuuuut…. Why? Why would he do that?

You should have ended the driver stepping out with a dazed smile in my opinion. Leave me buzzing. Where you ended is just unnecessarily violent.

You should build in some obligation at the top as to why she can’t go with him.

Do I think you had fun writing this? Yes
Did you do something cool with your name? Yes

Magnificent7 - Prince Tardigrade
Well goddamn if that ain’t a good introductory paragraph. I feel like most of my crits involve me shouting week after week for people to go back and cut their introductions into poo poo gets interesting. But you quickly and succinctly give me setting (night, unlit storefronts), characterization (creeping), and conflict (sick mother). Nice, Mag7. Nice.

Your ending on the other hand is a whole lot of stupid. Did you write this in two chunks? It feels like two different stories that you clumped together.

I kind of liked how self aware it was. At times. “It’s called an inciting event, boy.” I like it there. But it was unbalanced. Self awareness is a loving tightrope act. And it’s real easy to slip into being irritating with it-- ie the immediately following conversation about the word poo poo

Interesting take on the prompt. This was an improvement in a lot of ways for you. You needed to take this like… one step further and you’d be on the right track. It was unclear if the father was real or if the boy was making this all up in his head as he tried to make it home. Clarity. Clarity is good.

Do I think you had fun writing this? Yes
Did you do something cool with your name? Idk.

Jon_joe - Just Kidding
Well that was weird.

A couple things real quick… I hate puns. You can’t pull a twist ending out of nowhere without some foreshadowing and this needs foreshadowing like a motherfucker. Have an entire story end up with “this is just a joke” makes it feel like the story itself is just a joke and not in a good way. This could have been more interesting had been from the perspective of a different character-- stories need to have characters that learn and change & you have an opportunity to show a son gaining or losing respect for his father or to show the friend witnessing this and having it spark some revelation about perhaps his own relationship with his own child. The series of headlines made me chuckle.

Do I think you had fun writing this? Yes
Did you do something cool with your name? Idk.

QuoProQuid - Vincent Van Cock
I thought you were taking a piss on my prompt with this name. And then I thought you’d write me some weird blue squares “Elmo gonna gently caress you now” bullshit. And then I thought maybe this would be an interesting story about a pornographer or something and I was actually closest there and that’s probably for the best.

I think your name failed you. It was too silly for the serious story you wrote. I think you chose it because it tickled you and then you started writing and actually came up with something good rather than just something funny. I would rework this. Clean it up. Streamline it. Good sparse use of levity.

Do I think you had fun writing this? Yes
Did you do something cool with your name? You swung and missed.

Pipper - Slither
Yes! Great use of your name!

Too much action. Too little actual character development. Well-written action. Enjoyable. Cool concept. But this was a bit too on the rails. Your character should always been trying achieve something. In this story, Dryden is trying to avoid something (death) instead of achieving something. Avoiding is the weaker choice. Make the stronger choice nexgt time.

Do I think you had fun writing this? Yes
Did you do something cool with your name? Yes

Benny Profane - The Hard Edge

I don’t have notes. This was an enjoyable read with a lot of delicious undertones. Feels like drinking a glass of wine.

Do I think you had fun writing this? I don’t know. It’s not silly or quirky or fun. It’s just good. So, yeah. Yes. I think you did. There’s always pleasure in writing something good.
Did you do something cool with your name? Sure.

Maigus - The Fail Boris Zhdanova and Rise of Boris Manul
Formating did you no favors here. If you make it difficult for your reader to… you know… read then you’re already starting off on the wrong foot. Distracting at best.

Do you know how big pallas cats get? They’re basically just house cats. Your story has them more leopard sized and that’s distracting.

You actually had a character arc, That’s cool. That’s good. I think your biggest problem here isn’t conceptual (good) but rather one of execution. It’s a big of a lofty goal to try and cram years and years in 1200 words. The ancient greek rule of drama is that the plot of a play should be in a time set no longer than 24 hours. A single day. Perhaps you could try that with your next story? That way you can really focus on one small moment but do that small moment really, really well rather than trying to write an all encompassing epic. Just a thought.

Do I think you had fun writing this? I hope so!
Did you do something cool with your name? Certainly!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
:siren: Keith Ape Late Crits for Late Stories :siren:

Fuubi - The Story of Psy Duck
Turn your poo poo in on time*

Jay W. Friks - Bacchus Lite
Turn your poo poo in on time**















*Goddamnit don’t start off by telling me that your story isn’t an interesting one. That’s stupid. Also stupid is having a character blabber on about their own name, I hate that poo poo. It reeks of an author masturbating to their own cleverness and I hate it. This is and it isn’t terribly written. It is in the sense that I’m bored with it and you do a lot of dumb poo poo like “aha that got you interested right???!!” when it absolutely did not get me interested at all. But it’s easy to read. You have a nice storyteller quality to your writing. Also, this wasn’t funny to me. Humor is dangerous like that. A story can live or die on it’s ability to make the reader laugh. I didn’t laugh. Oh well! ALSO -- The prompt was to pick a loving cool name and you picked loving Psy Duck. Spit in my eye.

** I don’t know what I just read. I’m not sure what you were aiming for. I don’t think Ozzy Bee is an appropriate name for this character. I mean, I get why you chose it. But I don’t think it fits. I had a difficult time following the action. Dialogue was clunky.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Oct 31, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Maybe your story got good at the end. Maybe it didn’t. I don’t know and I don’t care because I probably stopped reading. These aren’t real crits. These are just

:siren: When I got bored :siren:
1) Burkion -- Ma! He’s Making Eyes at Me
Bored in the first paragraph. Eight sentences in and I don’t know anything important. I don’t have a conflict. I don’t have goal. I don’t have interesting characterization. I don’t have a hook. It seems like you’re writing in a “voice.” That’s fine but... oftentimes difficult to pull off. Especially without being tiresome and annoying. Especially in third person. If you feel the compulsion to write in a voice, go full out with it. Switch to first person.

2) derp -- Love on the Rocks
Bored when the guy shows up. I told Burkion above that Ma! He’s Making Eyes at Me probably should have been written in first person. Honestly, I think you should have, too. I can tell you struggled with straightening out your pronouns with two female characters. So what your reader got stuck with is this barrage of Li-Mei Li-Mei Li-Mei Li-Mei. If you go first person, you’re dealing with I/she rather than she/she. You also have the opportunity to make this… uh… interest (love interest?) a bit more personal. You ramble on about how Li-Mei’s eyes were everywhere but you didn’t get around to letting me know why that’s important or significant.

3) Exmond -- Why did the bee hum?
Oh boy I hope I find out why the bee hummed

drat. I didn’t find out why the bee hummed. Got bored at Supa Square. Officer Jeremy sounds silly. Like Pokemon’s Officer Jenny had a brother. Nobody calls an officer Officer Firstname so when a reader sees it in a story it’s automatically going to throw them unless it’s a… I dunno… a kid’s story or something. It’s uncomfortably personal for the job. President Jeremy would be another example. Judge Jeremy. Special Agent Jeremy. Yeah. Just wierd. Also, don’t open with your main character being bored. If your main character is bored, why should your reader be any different? A story should always be a break from the normal. It should be when something interesting happens. When something different happens. When something significant happens. This doesn’t have to be world-shattering or anything; personal significance is totally fine. And you should let your reader know what this is-- especially in flash fiction-- super early on. Here’s your homework for next week: in your opening paragraph you need to tell me exactly what your story’s conflict is. Be very forward. Be very upfront. Don’t hide it. Don’t mask it. If you need to go back after you’ve written your story and add it in that’s fine but I want to see a sentence explicitly labeling the conflict before you hit the enter key for the first time.

4) Okua -- Hands and knees
Read the whole thing! Didn’t get bored!

Nice circle to the story. Nice characterization. Nice blocking.

5) Thranguy -- The Frogs Remain
Jokes without pain aren’t his style is great.

Didn’t get bored. Great atmosphere. Delightfully Southern Gothic Weird. Small notes: possibly add something about the GI Bill paying for college. Possibly add something about why he joined the army. Possibly add something about the family not trusting him since he left (perhaps because joining the army is basically joining the government which is basically joining the Man). Possibily add decision that brother could have kidnapped the girl and put her in the trunk already along with a “nah he couldn’t have because” for a nice fakeout.

Very enjoyable.

6) Jay W. Friks -- Hell Mary
Texas! Flood! Topical!

Ah. You took your album cover quite literally. Neat.

Didn’t get bored. Good visuals. Unclear action. Sitting Here will probably dig this for it’s dream-like qualities but you need to ground it in something more concrete.

7) Captain Indigo -- The Lamb Feast
I got bored at the filipino chefs. Your description of the painting is nice but it lacks significance. I’m sure it becomes important later but I got bored before later arrived. It was unclear the the Divinity was a ship and not some sort of church. That could also be made more clear earlier. I think you started writing this with some really nice visuals in your mind but you didn’t go back and clear things up after words were put down. Always go back and make sure you are beginning at an interesting place and not just a well written place. Very important difference.

8) Tyrannosaurus -- Pigheaded
Didn’t get bored. Wow. A lot of fun to read. Great job. Winner for sure.

9) MockingQuantum -- The Chalk Line
Got bored at ‘Where better to hide than the thicket?’ Nothing about this is particularly bad. I like that you introduce your conflict in the opening paragraph. Always a good choice. Especially for flash fiction. Some things are unclear: how old is Josiah, how big is the place (city or town), how rural is this place, is it typically a safe place to play, why are some stores/streets named (will that be significant later on)? The center of town is nice. A character doing something bad out of ignorance is kind of weak, though. Tragedy, proper goat-song, is best when it comes from conscious choice and not circumstance or coincidence. Some of this might have been cleared up later. Maybe if it wasn’t 2 am I’d keep reading but… these are bored crits not real crits

10) Muffin -- Sonata
Didn’t get bored. Kind of Flowers for Algernon-y. This type of voice is difficult to pull off but you did it. Needles and thread is such a delicious little combination of words I wish you hadn’t used it twice in a row but rather left me wanting more. Reminded me a bit of this.. Except much less depressing. This might win. Beautiful prose. Your weakness is the lack of character development though I question such a thing’s importance in writing such as this.

11) QuoProQuid -- All Things Are Now Empty
Didn’t get bored. This might win. Great usage of split time. Effective without being overkill. Personally, I’m terrified of both being trapped in the snow and of being blind so this was great for me in terms of hitting the horror part of the prompt. I liked the ending. With that being said, small crits, I think the parts with specifically Ash were weak and I think, somehow, the voice you wrote the story in didn’t jive with your dialogue. It was too abrasive. “Loser’s sperm” is kind of a weird thing to say. Liam’s cursing seemed over the top. Did the Mother have no idea that Ash hated Liam? Did Alice? Why show up as a surprise?

12) FouRPlaY -- Eden’s Island
Got bored at smouldering version. Your opening was pretty good. Nervous teen going to popular party is easy to identify with in terms of potential conflict and characterization. Adding in some spicy family dynamics is good, too. But ‘Through in the large rocks that dotted the beach, and it was almost an enclosed space’ doesn’t make any sense. And, for it being a super cool super big beach party, it seems like there are only four people present. That’s not really a party. That’s a double-date. Once you’ve let me know that your main character is nervous about this party don’t prattle on about being nervous. Cut to something interesting. This is flash fiction. You have a very limited word count so you want your stories to be sleek.

13) Benny Profane -- Index Case
Didn’t get bored. Pretty good read. Solid atmosphere. Nice conceptual conflict. If the sheriff didn’t get name then why did Jack? Why didn’t the sheriff get a name? What is Jack’s job? Jack’s relationship with the sheriff and the community is unclear as is how much he knows about each. Is this is first day? Is this is first day with the sheriff? Does he work for the government? Is this a standardized, normal job now that there is a plaguefly epidemic? I think you were too brazen in leading me to your ending. Oftentimes, I complain that people don’t give me enough information. I think in this case you could have left more to my imagination. Perhaps cut from him collapsing into that disgusting (expertly written) collapsed hallway to him stumbling out of the cornfield. Imply doom.

14) Uranium Phoenix -- Discoloration
I got bored at Dagan. But it was almost your opening paragraph. Starting off with set dressing work if it’s really, really, really good set dressing. Otherwise I don’t know why I should keep reading. You could open with the civil war bit. Then follow it up with the description of the spacecraft.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
In.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Oct 31, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Oct 31, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
IRC

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Sebmojo and the Epiphany
Sebmojo paused in his feast. The great plate of dicks lay half-eaten before him. He stared at his knife and fork. Erogenous Beef continued eating.

"Is there another way?" Sebmojo asked himself. "Is there another way to dine on dick?"

There was, he realized. And it was a good.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
I'll design something tonight

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
In 6

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Oct 31, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Yes. Good. This is good. Crits are good.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Oh god yes I'm in

good prompt

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Oct 31, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Oct 31, 2017

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
In

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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Oct 31, 2017

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