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In
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# ¿ Oct 24, 2017 13:36 |
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# ¿ Mar 19, 2024 02:38 |
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If we do we have to use both cards or do we get to choose one?
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# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 23:57 |
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archived.
Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Oct 31, 2017 |
# ¿ Oct 30, 2017 00:12 |
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In.
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# ¿ Oct 31, 2017 13:55 |
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Thranguy posted:Tyrannosaurus's story aw thanks thran glad ya liked it so much legit, tho. thank you for the words. i'm experimenting a lot now. I did some crits I was going to do more but then the winner was announced and I stopped oh well Yippee Ki Ay, Mozeltover Chairchucker, I think you woefully underutilized your talents. Even it feels like you’re pulling things out of your rear end, your stories are quirky and fast-paced and fun to read. Like a Wes Anderson film that doesn’t plod along. Once again, I feel somewhat rushed and disappointed with your ending. As always, I appreciate your ability to juggle your reader’s focus in interesting ways. Start with a Large Fortune I don’t like not knowing what it going on. And after reading your first section, I still don’t know what’s going on. That’s not good. Especially on an 800 wordcount. Ah, I see. This was a flashback piece. It’s too many flashbacks, though. You don’t have enough words to do this effectively. Pick one or two important moments and use those to highlight the relationship/conflict/etc Spring Break Human boys made me lol. I like it. This is sad and great and wonderfully adolescent. Great use of monstrosity to highlight the uncomfortable nature of growing up and watching your friends grow apart from you. I hope you don’t win because I have a seasonal festive prompt I really, really, really want to use but I could see this one beating mine so I guess good job, jerk. Solid story. Where the Metal Meets the Meat Cool title. Ah, man, cool story. Wish you hadn’t killed someone in a no death week. Lots of great little one liners. “What's left of me makes mince of him.” The fighting for repetition is effective. The only thing that I don’t think work is the second person stuff. I didn’t have enough to slide into the “you” character with all the focus being on the “I.” Other than that, great fun read. Thanks. The Night’s Post It is rare for me to read a story in Thunderdome that feels already published and widely enjoyed and recommended to me by another. This is exquisite and it is the best thing I’ve ever read of yours. I have nothing to add except, perhaps, to add more of your words. I would be stunned if it doesn’t win. EDIT: color me surprised. not even an hm. The lesson of the axe I think “let out a surprised guffaw” is too wordy. I like the simplicity of “Yes.” Interesting piece that I think is surprisingly philosophical. It is not the best of this week but the setting is interesting (if not a tad bit unclear) and it left me thinking so I liked it. Sober as the Sky Red-hot lattice is a good description. Die sober is good, too. I like buried stories. I directed a play about a cave in once. I like that then. I like this now. This is unnerving. Your opening sentence is even better on a revisit. Your ending is a little two tied-up-with-a-bow for me but I think that’s because of the word limit. Into the Wood I think this opening is sloppy and amateurish. It has a very childlike feel but you kind of mess that up in the next paragraph when you drop a “gently caress.” The dialogue is strange-- casual but almost too casual. It doesn’t fit the situation and is jarring. It is unnatural. It doesn’t seem to flow very well. I also can’t tell how old the characters are supposed to be. The setting is unclear. Silence speaks volumes I don’t really the connection between your story and your prompt. Perhaps it has something to do with the actual meaning of the cards and, if so, please disregard the rest of my crit because I’m not going to bother looking it up. The dialogue is too… coarse. It doesn’t sound natural. You do a good job of creating a sense of dread. The whole “not-watching” concept is sufficiently creepy and intriguing. The ending doesn’t make sense. Your title is too on the nose for my taste. We Know Not the Hour Very high stakes here, huh? I have very general crits for this. You made good use of a limited word count. I like the setting. Interesting setting. But you need more little things to make it feel whole. More… unusual aspects to make it truly abnormal and not just typical-europeanish-fantasy-town-with-a-mask-on. Predators and Prey I like the use of your prompt. Much like the characters in your story, this piece is too thin. It needs meat on its bones. The reveal is nice. But more needs expansion for it to hit properly with emotional resonance. The Energy “At the first bench she found, Hélène removed the backpack and retrieved a bottle of water, chugging it with reckless abandon until she finished with a crass sigh” this is super wordy and is indicative of the writing in this story. You’ve also already let me know its super hot two sentenes before. Don’t waste words. The true conflict appears too late. Do I really need to read about how hard it was too find The Energy? What did that add? Peanut Butter Breath I think this breaks the no death rule? EDIT: guess not. grats. Three True Things Nicely done. Good symbolize. Good foreshadowing. Good use of words. My only question is if Alys knows the other things, why doesn’t Alys know that Pan cannot mend? Korean American Personally, my vote for the win. Great story.
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# ¿ Nov 1, 2017 16:41 |
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Prompt: Blue moon! Archived. Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 07:09 on Dec 5, 2017 |
# ¿ Nov 6, 2017 03:40 |
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Week 274 Crits Since the Thunderdome cabal is in charge this week and will no doubt gloss over your stories in order to fall all over themselves for a mediocre entry by a “veteran” writer, I will do the opposite. I mean, look at last week. The judges couldn’t even remember their own prompt they were in such a hurry to pat Twist on the back for submitting. I am actually going to look at your ice cream and then I’m actually going to read your story and then I’m going to try and figure out how you were inspired. And then I’ll praise you for it regardless of quality because I’m sure you’ll be getting a quadruple-scoop of poo poo-talking from the real judges. Afterwards we can sit all chummy together pleased with our own cleverness-- me for looking too deep and “figuring it all out” and you for having a “well-written story” with “subtext and layers.” Don’t say I never did anything for you. Spumoni Low-fat gelato. Three flavors. Usually containing candied fruits and nuts. Italian. ** You have three distinct characters, some Italy related references (a trip , Mario, the Pope), and a sweet candied ending. Ray’s character arc also goes through three distinct phases so that’s nice. Pretty clever. Oyster Savoury instead of sweet. Old money/old reputation as a luxury. Is actually made with oysters so there’s the possibility of the ocean or the sea or salt making an appearance. ** A small ocean metaphor. The society of the main character is much advanced, much like your ice cream was to most of the population when it was first created. Sweaty and salty. There is a lack of sweetness but not the lack of expectation or the lack of longing for it; good. Fairly clever. Tiger Tail Pretty much just in Canada. Has licorice (and so is pungent). Retro. Currently gaining a nostalgic revival. ** Talk about a triple scoop of nostalgia! Literal(-ish) tiger tail, though. Decently clever. Bastani Sonnati Persian. So Persian, in fact, that’s it’s often just called “Persian Ice Cream.” Very old. Lots of flavors included. Very sweet in a very traditional way. Alexander the Great liked it. ** Looky looky, both Alexander and Persia are here. Lots of colorful descriptions to mirror the multitude of ingredients. An interesting snapshot of the “traditional” values of soldiers and believers in Alexander’s dream. Potentially interesting critique on man’s inability to innovate? Pretty clever. Rocky Road Chocolate with marshmallow and nuts. Funny origin story involving non-traditional cooking utensil (sewing scissors). Was given it’s silly name during the Great Depression to try and make people smile. ** Oh boy I guess one girl is a marshmallow and the other is a nut? They both seems a little nutty to me! There’s also the Great Depression. Could be more clever. Chunky Munky Lots of nuts and bananas and chunks of fudge. Evidently, lots of goes at it to make it right. Created by Ben & Jerrys. ** Set literally in a Ben & Jerrys. I like the direction you went with when you grabbed hold of the “multiple iterations” creation story. Essentially three different characters to match nuts, bananas, and fudge. Pretty clever. Chubby Hubby Created by Ben & Jerrys and a couple of tricksters. Cheeky origin story with a happy ending. Packed full of pretzels, peanut butter, and fudge. Funny name. ** I get it. Bananas rot and then get really gross. Chocolate is dark and this is dark. The husband laughs a lot at jokes that aren’t very funny. The husband is fat. My favorite bit, though, is that the wife came up with a trick that came true. Pretty clever. Garlic Basically just vanilla ice cream with some garlic. Savoury in taste. A big hit at “garlic conventions” which are evidently a thing. Also, evidently, there is a stereotype that Jews love garlic? I’m learning all kinds of things from this Wikipedia article ** I also learned something new from this story: don’t steal from American Eagle! Macy is practically human (and Joely is practically a girlfriend) but there’s a little something funky in there, too, for both of them. Strangely repulsive. Fairly clever. Crab Japanese. Sweet. Literally has crab. ** Sweet and has crab! Boy, if you’d made those space marines into space marine samurai then this would be so stinking clever. Instead it’s just pretty clever but that’s still pretty good! Blue Moon Unusual color. Very sweet. Sometimes makes up a part of Superman ice cream. Quite the ice cream following with many aficionados claiming theirs as the “real one.” Ingredients are often a mystery. ** Man, wow. So many layers. This is so good. You hit… everything. I’m just like, wow, so stinking clever. My vote for the win. Green Tea Japanese but popular all over East Asia. Becoming mainstream in the US. Unknown origin. Is green. ** This was fun journey. I felt like I was staring at the top of a tree and I had to dive through the leaves and the branches and the bark and make my way down past roots and time to find the acorn of inspiration. Which I did. And then I got to step back and see the majesty of the tree that had grown from it and I was more impressed because I understand where everything came from. In addition to the story itself, I also appreciated the slow acceptance of ideas by the character which is similar to your ice cream’s popularity in the United States. So stinking clever. Cookies ‘n Cream The best flavor so I hope this is the best story. Boy oh boy I love cookies ‘n cream. ** Much like the orea, you sandwich your story. I believe the literary term is bookend (I know, I know, not exactly a bookend but close enough for me). Chocolate comes from cacao which comes from the jungles of South America. INteresting blend of darkness and light. Fairly clever. Rainbow Sherbert Is ice cream plus sweetened fruit juice and various fruity flavorings. Maybe a thing made by Alexander the Great (‘s dudes). Specifically invented and titled by a guy in Pennsylvania with the revolutionary idea of use three nozzles. Wow! ** I don’t really like rainbow sherbert but I can’t remember why. Is it like juicy fruit gum where the flavor disappears? That would be clever but I can’t remember one way or the other. Oh. Neat. I can’t remember. Neat. Moose Trucks Vanilla with peanut butter cups and fudge. Delicious. Lots of versions of it. Lots of variations. Very popular. ** I see the variations. The repeated recreations. And I see how this is just a few steps away from vanilla, from normal. Perhaps the arguing/violence is a reflection of the continued issues with licensing. Fairly clever. Neopolitan Also known as harlequin ice cream. Three separate distinct flavors. Was named as a reflection of its presumed Italian origins. Should kinda look like the italian flag. ** Italian. Naples. Three sections of life: suspicion, confirmation, evidence. I kinda wish you’d spend more time on this piece but maybe that, too, is commentary on your ice cream’s mix of flavors and how each seems to end too soon. Fairly clever. Phish Food No actual fish or food for fish. Chocolatey and caramaley and gooey. Proceeds go towards Vermont environmental efforts. ** Cool environment/setting. Something interesting is always hidden just a little bit further down. Very sticky! Pretty clever. Superman Swirl of three colors. Flavors vary. Not officially licenced product through DC Comics. ** Like a superhero story, the main character wasn’t restricted by what they could do but rather what they should do; an interesting distinction. The characters were as different as the flavors. Fairly clever.
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# ¿ Nov 7, 2017 17:40 |
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# ¿ Nov 11, 2017 02:15 |
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Archived.
Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 07:09 on Dec 5, 2017 |
# ¿ Nov 13, 2017 00:56 |
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I hate this
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# ¿ Nov 13, 2017 20:47 |
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sparks of autism brawl Alright. I'll judge. Brawl is due Wednesday the 22nd at high noon eastern standard. I want 600 sleek words about finding love in a hopeless place. Make sure you up so I know you're serious.
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# ¿ Nov 13, 2017 22:30 |
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does anyone see one of those... whaddaya call ems... prompts?
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# ¿ Nov 14, 2017 03:17 |
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Europe and, honestly, either. Whatever you think will be more fun for me to write and you to read.
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# ¿ Nov 14, 2017 16:29 |
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I guess I never submitted crits for Week 235. I also can't find them on my computer so maybe I never wrote any? It doesn't really matter, I suppose. In any case, I just reread all 28 stories and have written down my thoughts. You may find said thoughts here.
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# ¿ Nov 19, 2017 04:49 |
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If your username is Mercedes, The Saddest Rhino, Sparrow, Crab Destroyer, Curlingiron, Entenzahn, Baudolino, Walamor, Fumblemouse, Jonked, Jeza, Paladinus, Kaishai, Joda, Sitting Here, Noah, No Longer Flaky, Ursine Asylum, Lead Out in Cuffs, Jeep, Starter Wiggin, WeLandedOnTheMoon!, Benny the Snake, or Jay O then you submitted a story for Thunderdome Week LXXX: Why Don’t You Ask Your Huge Cock? and I never gave you any critiques. I shall do so now.
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# ¿ Nov 19, 2017 19:50 |
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Evidently I just plain missed a couple people on a couple different weeks. Seemingly at random. I don't know why. Anyway, this is the catch up for all those weird ones. Come see my words if your name is Grizzled Patriarch, D.O.G.O.G.B.Y.N., Crabrock, Guiness13, Ironic twist, or Kurona_bright. Or if you just want to read some random crits. Or don’t. I’m not the reading police. Do what you want. Crits.
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# ¿ Nov 19, 2017 20:33 |
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I thought I had done some crits for Week 124 and it turns I was right. I just got really mad/disgusted at Benny the Snake and never bothered to post them. I have include below my words as I first wrote them oh so long ago with no editing. I didn’t 100% complete the week, though, so at the end of the document I’ve included critiques for the stories that I didn’t do two years ago. For the record, I remember liking this week. Except for Benny the Snake. Click here to see me lose my mind on him.
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# ¿ Nov 19, 2017 21:55 |
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Archived.
Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 07:10 on Dec 5, 2017 |
# ¿ Nov 20, 2017 05:15 |
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QuoProQuid posted:Week CCLXXV: Little Man History
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# ¿ Nov 20, 2017 18:47 |
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In.
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# ¿ Nov 21, 2017 05:31 |
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I gave you both a deadline of high noon but I guess you couldn’t wait to start shooting. He comes judgement. Tyrannosaurus posted:sparks of autism brawl Both pieces were fairly bloated and neither, despite a remarkably short prompt, managed to get to the point before the last 200-ish words. But both stories were interesting at a conceptual level and I’ll forgive a lot of stupid writing for a smart idea. Ultimately, though, I wanted some stories about finding love, falling in love, and/or being in love in a hopeless place. I’m a sucker for a good love story. You both gave me hopelessness which was good. You both gave me the seed of a love that might one day be which was... alright. No one gave me an actually story with a character finding love. Sparksbloom had tighter, cleaner descriptions while Spectres needed to legit go back through and clean up some grammatical/spelling errors and trim the fat of his sentences. Sparksbloom had better one liners-- “I suspect, though I don’t have evidence, that she might have self-committed.” Spectres gave me a better and more interesting “seed” and I think, in a way, better fulfilled the prompt. In the last moments of death and doom, there was a small spark of something special as opposed to this mixture of shared, violent experience connecting two strangers who have suffered from physical torture and their own torturous self-doubts (which is still an interesting read). Spectres of Autism wins despite putting the wrong word count down for his story and almost eating a DQ until I double-checked and with an equally interesting, slightly worse written piece that hit the prompt slightly more. Take from this victory/loss what you will. Here is a video that inspired the prompt
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# ¿ Nov 22, 2017 17:57 |
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Week 102 Crits It looks like while I was critting I unintentionally skipped Broenheim, Lou Begas Mustache, Anomalous Blowout, DuckyB, and Bad Seafood. Or maybe it was intentional. Who can remember? Anyway, this was a great prompt and you’re welcome for my genius. Here are my missing crits for Bingo Night.
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# ¿ Nov 26, 2017 19:22 |
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Week 160 crits Spin the Wheel. I loved this prompt. I love all of my prompts but this one in particular was one where I wasn’t disappointed when I had finished judging it. My only goal is to give you all something that will inspire cool and interesting stories to burst forth from within your creative depths and most of the time you reward my earnest, honest efforts with unedited, lifeless heaps full of boring, unimaginative bullshit. That bums me out, to be honest. But... what can you do? Write better? Don't wait until the last minute? Edit before submitting? Anyway. Here’s me re-judging 42,000 words.
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# ¿ Nov 26, 2017 19:28 |
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Archived.
Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 07:10 on Dec 5, 2017 |
# ¿ Nov 27, 2017 03:44 |
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Assorted Crits for Disqualified Stories Dreaming of Roses, No Longer Flaky, Systran, Crabrock, Lambeth, Paladinus, Grizzled Patriarch, Drunk Nerd, Chairchucker, BadSeafood, Capntastic, Ironic Twist, A Classy Ghost, and Saddest Rhino all signed up for Thunderdome during weeks in which I was judging, failed to submit by the deadline, and then decided at some point they should come back and submit a story. I don't know why. Here are my crits for the stories that don't deserve them.
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# ¿ Nov 29, 2017 19:43 |
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I don't know how to write nonfiction and I'm often over-dependent on sharp dialogue. So I'm going to write nonfiction and less than a quarter will be dialogue. In.
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# ¿ Dec 2, 2017 03:08 |
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Archived.
Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 07:10 on Dec 5, 2017 |
# ¿ Dec 4, 2017 02:39 |
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# ¿ Dec 4, 2017 16:55 |
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In.
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# ¿ Dec 5, 2017 03:59 |
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Archived.
Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 20:18 on Dec 28, 2017 |
# ¿ Dec 11, 2017 05:26 |
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In.
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# ¿ Dec 12, 2017 14:11 |
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Dear Entenzahn It's me Tyrannosaurus You seem like an alright guy Happy birthday I hope that it is fun I hope that there is cake I like cake I eat it on my birthday My favorite is Red Velvet What is your favorite Anyway gotta go From me, Tyrannosaurus
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# ¿ Dec 13, 2017 15:15 |
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Archived.
Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 05:14 on Jan 3, 2018 |
# ¿ Dec 18, 2017 02:28 |
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Spend ten bux on an early Christmas present and sign her up already
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# ¿ Dec 20, 2017 04:04 |
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Is this Merman 3?
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# ¿ Dec 23, 2017 00:54 |
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FJGJ
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# ¿ Dec 26, 2017 09:57 |
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Things I like about Thunderdome Savage critiquing Things I dislike about Thunderdome To start? You
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# ¿ Dec 27, 2017 20:42 |
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In.
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# ¿ Dec 27, 2017 20:58 |
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2018teen: angry harry potter fanfic itt
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# ¿ Dec 27, 2017 21:07 |
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# ¿ Mar 19, 2024 02:38 |
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Archived.
Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 05:13 on Jan 3, 2018 |
# ¿ Jan 2, 2018 03:58 |