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Honestly, I'd just watch the Rumbles. That way you're sure to get at least one good match.
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Jan 20, 2017 10:06
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Looking at early ppv chronology, what is the first great PPV? That first Survivor Series? The rest are like "average show with a good match or two" right?
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Jan 20, 2017 16:52
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So updates for this have been slower than I was planning so my apologies (It's been a really poo poo week) Tag Team Title Match Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Shiek w/ Freddie Blassie vs. The US Express w/ Captain Lou Albano Up next come a couple of dudes I've definitely heard about. Volkoff is the fat Russian dude from the WM17 Gimmick Battle Royal and the Iron Shiek is the guy who goes crazy on Twitter. This is naturally the original PPV version of the Evil Foreign Heel, although I'm yet to see the Shiek's crazy passport. And ok, I have to admit this combination of wrestlers intrigued me and so I took the bold step of breaking open Wikipedia to do some research for this review. The question: were the Soviets and Iran really all buddy-buddy in 1985? The answer: no, they hated each other due to the Soviets increasingly close ties to Iraq! These two should have been tearing each other's perfectly coiffed moustaches out! Anyway, their opponents in this Tag Team Title match will be the US Express with none other than  Do you see it yet? Captain...  Lou...  Albano...  ...I am genuinely disturbed. Now I can talk poo poo about the level of match quality in the 80s (and I believe I already have) but there's one thing you've got to give these guys props for and that is their ability to work a crowd. Volkoff takes the time to sing the Soviet national anthem (without notes, Gene) and everyone gets so pissed that they're legit tossing trash into the ring! It's like I'm watching a mid-00s ROH main event! Well, in one way at any rate. You might at this point be noticing that I've not yet mentioned one word about the other team, Barry Windham and Mike Rotunda. Trust that this is very representative of their presence in this match. Although there is one accolade which these two absolutely deserve. That's right, it's time for... Worst Hair  This award is presented for the dedication the US Express show to being terrible in tandem. Top work, boys. Or should I say bottom work? The match is another snorefest until the Sheik blasts Barry with Blassie's cane. This is less dirty than it sounds. The bad guys win the belts and take them to the folks back home, which judging by Vince's apparent geopolitical understanding means Fidel Castro and Nelson Mandela. Body Slam Match Big John Studd w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Andre The Giant The next match carries a certain amount of tension with it as Andre the Giant – ooh, I know him! As the giant from the Princess Bride goes up against Bobby Heenan and A Big Fat gently caress to see how long it takes for Andre to give the other guy a body slam. And as if it wasn't obvious enough already that Andre was going to win, he's putting his career on the line if he loses for the shot at winning the princely sum of $15,000. Ok, let's pretend for a second that kayfabe is real, is this not a terrible deal for Andre? Under US inflation rates he has the chance of winning just over $33.5k which is only about $5k than the national average salary in 2016. Now Andre is not only a celebrity but also one of the WWF's biggest names (figuratively and literally). Why is this guy putting his career, his very livelihood on the line for what must surely be less than one year's wage? What else is he going to do, go wrestle in WCW? I don't think so! Bobby does a backstage promo where he yells at Gene to keep his hands off the prize purse while Gene keeps trying to stick his hands in to nab the money, hehehe.  Mean Gene's going straight to the pay windah The match is the visual equivalent of two glaciers crashing into each other except slower and with less tension. At least with glaciers you get to watch the continuing feud of Climate Change vs. Polar Bears and the result is less predictable. However, this match does produce a couple of other things I'm going to be keeping an eye on as these PPVs progress. Sign of the Night  Chant of the Night “Slam! Slam! Slam!” Please Note: This is also the only chant of the night. Sure enough, Andre eventually picks up the big dude up and slams him to the ground. He grabs the prize purse and in a display of fiscal ineptitude just throws it out into the crowd. I refuse to ask why a guy would risk his entire career for money that he doesn't even want. But oh noes! That sneaky Bobby Heenan grabs the money from Andre and runs away to the imagined sounds of Benny Hill. Andre gives a post-match promo and I don't know what he's saying at all. I'm not sure why this surprises me seeing as it was the exact same experience when I watched the Princess Bride. Women's Title Match Wendy Richter w/ Cyndi Lauper vs. Leilani Kai w/ Fabulous Moolah Here we go, it's time for our semi main with the first of our Rock n' Wrestling Connection events as two women I've never heard of are upstaged by a pop singer and a grandma. Cyndi takes on the mic duties for the pre-match promo and holy god, her accent sounds like someone forcefed Snooki helium. I don't even remember what she was saying because I was too busy clearing up the shattered glass from my window. Meanwhile Moolah has decided to celebrate this extravaganza with an outfit that screams “I force young women wrestlers into prostitution” (true story, Moolah's the worst).  Pimpin' ain't easy I've got to admit that knowing the state of WWF's Women's Division pre-Trish/Lita and their treatment of women in the Attitude Era I was expecting this to be completely terrible but it was in fact not poo poo. The commentators even treat these women with respect and dignity and no one's screaming for puppies. How on earth were the 80s more progressive in wrestling than the 00s? This is literally hurting my brain. Something else that deserves credit, Jesse's heel work on commentary has been beautifully subtle all evening long. He presents the heel's mindset as pragmatism without coming across as a arbitrarily-biased cartoon character. It's so much better than the likes of King and Cole. In the end Leilani goes for a crossbody and Wendy just kinda stumbles over through it to get the pin and win the title. Moolah gets into the ring and expresses her feelings by flopping around like Cristiano Ronaldo in the penalty box (it's a football joke, roll with it). Rarity fucked around with this message at 16:04 on Jan 22, 2017 |
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Jan 22, 2017 16:02
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that's a loving incredible outfit on Moolah, goddamn
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Jan 22, 2017 23:11
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Why was Lou wearing Leaches on his face
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Jan 22, 2017 23:28
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The man called M posted:Why was Lou wearing Leaches on his face Lou pierced his cheek and put rubber bands in them to be weird and cooky. The look worked better when he had scraggly hair and his long beard also bundled up with rubberbands.
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Jan 22, 2017 23:35
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The early Manias are seriously a chore to sit through. Even the decent shows are bloated with like 20-match cards, and you can feel your soul slipping away waiting for the one or two good matches.
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Jan 22, 2017 23:46
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Holy poo poo we're still like half done with Mania? Will we still all be alive when we hit 2000?
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Jan 23, 2017 00:53
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One of my favorite moments as a kid was watching Andre throw the money to the crowd and seeing Bobby Heenan's panicked reaction 
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Jan 23, 2017 05:04
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god at least do the WCW shows so you'll have more good matches to watch
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Jan 23, 2017 06:10
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I found the first Wrestlemania to be pretty fun- it's fairly short as PPVs go, the matches are fast, it has a nice energy.
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Jan 23, 2017 07:39
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KungFu Grip posted:Lou pierced his cheek and put rubber bands in them to be weird and cooky. Well it loving works, ew. Benne posted:The early Manias are seriously a chore to sit through. Even the decent shows are bloated with like 20-match cards, and you can feel your soul slipping away waiting for the one or two good matches. At least if there's a lot of matches it makes it feel like things are moving at a fast pace  OldTennisCourt posted:Will we still all be alive when we hit 2000? I'm banking on science reaching the point we're all living as brains hooked up to computers
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Jan 23, 2017 15:55
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Jerusalem posted:One of my favorite moments as a kid was watching Andre throw the money to the crowd and seeing Bobby Heenan's panicked reaction He was just so joyful!
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Jan 23, 2017 17:23
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Liquid Communism posted:Honestly, I'd just watch the Rumbles. I've been doing this so far this month and it's a ton of fun. I'm up to 2000 and I think 1991 was the only one I didn't really enjoy. Giant González, goddamn. The 1992 Rumble was loving awesome. Rarity, don't give up before you reach that.
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Jan 24, 2017 05:12
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This is a great thread, please keep slogging through these!Rarity posted:Jesse's heel work on commentary has been beautifully subtle all evening long. He presents the heel's mindset as pragmatism without coming across as a arbitrarily-biased cartoon character. It's so much better than the likes of King and Cole. If there's one thing early WWE had right, it was heel commentators. Both Jesse and Bobby Heenan were so good at this. StarkRavingMad fucked around with this message at 05:30 on Jan 24, 2017 |
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Jan 24, 2017 05:13
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I wish you all the luck in the world on this. Because you'll need it once you discover Akeem "The African Dream".
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Jan 24, 2017 09:27
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Hulk Hogan and Mr. T vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff And so we come to our main event! But before we get to the wrestlers it's time to bring in some very special guests like... Some Baseball Guy! And... Well call me a kettle and gently caress me sideways it's only blooming Liberace! He's led down to the ring by the Rockettes and I'd be feeling a bit stupid at being wrong earlier if it wasn't for Liberace's fantastic version of the can't-can't.  Grandma McMahon had a great time Of course this can only mean that we're also going to see the Thriller From Manilla, the Beast From The East, the Rocket In My Pocket, Mr. Muhammad Ali! And sure enough, here comes the man himself to serve as the guest referee. Ali gets the biggest pop of the night by far, which is kind of embarrassing when you think about it. Now it's time for the bad guys and in a fantastic heel move Piper and Orndorff are led out by a legion of bagpipe players cause seriously, there is nothing in this world that's easier to hate than bagpipes. They also come out accompanied by Cowboy Bob Orton who is himself accompanied by Hepatitis. And oh god, it's here that we discover that in 30 years, 100s of PPVs, three attempts on Vince's life, two brand splits and one Hornswoggle that absolutely nothing has changed. Because this is what Gorilla says about Piper: “You don't have to like him but you have to respect him.” I can't even be dealing with that so let's move on to the good guys! Hulk and Mr. T come out to the familiar sound of “Real American” and somehow Hulk manages to look both young and old at the same time. It's at this point that Gorilla explains Ali has been specially brought in to referee all that critical action that happens outside the ring. This seems unnecessary.  It was nice of Vince to hire the world's first interracial Siamese twins The match kicks off and to my great surprise it soon becomes apparent that Mr. T can actually go. And I'm not being sarcastic here, he is legitimately a better worker in this match than the WWF champion. That might not be saying a lot but there's an alternate world where Mistermania ran wild for the next 10 years while the Hulkster refused to get on planes (and considering his luck, that would have been a pretty smart idea). Meanwhile Piper and Orndorff are using every dirty tactic in the book all while Ali stares at them with a vaguely perturbed expression. Does this man understand what a referee is? I mean, I'd hope so considering his literal decades in the boxing profession but he's just standing there thinking “These guys are mean, someone should stop them,” while they double team Hogan on the outside. Gee, if only there was some special outside referee who could solve this problem! As expected the match eventually devolves into a clusterfuck. The heels take Mr. T out of the equation and Cowboy Bob shows up to interfere but his flying axe handle smashes into Orndorff! This allows Hulk to pick up the cheap pin ...yay? Ok, real talk time. For all my sarcastic references to this show's overuse of the word extravaganza, this was intended to be the biggest WWF show of all time. When this show was booked nobody knew this would turn into a yearly event that would span multiple millennia. This is the biggest finish the WWF would ever have and they chose to end it with a screwy finish that doesn't even allow the fans to cheer for Hogan's main spots. There's no hulking up, there's no finger point, there's no boot, no leg drop. In an alternate world where I give a drat and had paid money to be in that crowd, I would feel a little disappointed.  Steroids are a hell of a drug After the match the Hulkster bro's down with the celebrities (including a very confused Liberace) and then delivers a promo to Gene that goes a very small way to redeeming the finish. And here's where I do something I never would have expected and give Hulk some credit. Based on this show it's easy to see why wrestling fans in the 80s went nuts for Hogan. In a world of bland, interchangeable, generic create-a-wrestlers Hogan was the only face who was made an effort to connect with the crowd, the only one who showed the slightest modicum of personality. It might not be much but I guess for the 80s it was enough? And that's your show. It was an extra, it was definitely a va, it might even be a ganza. The wrestling was every bit as bad as I thought it would be but what I wasn't expecting all the (mostly unintentional) comedy around the actual matches. There are moments that I'm glad I witnessed. Luscious Johnny. The Executioner. Alfred Hayes. Forget Mr. T and Cyndi Lauper, these are the true heroes of Wrestlemania I. The show is just over 2 hours long and most of the matches are short so it clips along at a reasonable pace, although it did start to drag towards the end. All in all I rate this show 3 Kanes out of 10.  /10
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Jan 24, 2017 19:54
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I didn't see it until years after it happened but yeah I remember being as shocked as you that Mr. T was a pretty drat good worker.
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Jan 24, 2017 20:34
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Well this died quicker than expected.
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Mar 6, 2017 20:19
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Rarity posted:I watch all of WWE's shows from ages past until I get bored Welp I guess technically they did exactly as they said they would!
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Mar 6, 2017 23:28
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I seem to remember this happening with another dude doing the 2000 ppv or something. Eventually life gets in the way and it peters out. I figure if I was to ever do something like this I would have a few in the can before starting just so this doesn't happen.
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Mar 6, 2017 23:32
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To be fair, have you TRIED to watch Mania 2 recently?
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Mar 6, 2017 23:55
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Not to speak on her behalf too much, but I think she's had a bunch of things going on in the last few weeks that have got in the way of her being able to get posts done. I know she was working on the wrestling classic though so you may be pleasantly surprised yet.
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Mar 7, 2017 00:13
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Gaz-L posted:To be fair, have you TRIED to watch Mania 2
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Mar 7, 2017 00:26
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I, for one, am shocked that an ambitious goon project failed.
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Mar 7, 2017 00:35
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Hey, that Hogan/Bundy match is better than it has any right to be
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Mar 7, 2017 01:16
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 00:29 |
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algebra testes posted:I, for one, am shocked that an ambitious goon project failed. imagine four early WWF pay-per-views on the edge of a cliff
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Mar 7, 2017 01:23
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