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micron
Nov 15, 2005


micron posted:

Does anyone suffer from hyperarousal ptsd. I never knew it was a thing and I’m beginning to think I should be checked out. I’ve had two combat related incidents, but none that affected me “physically”. I can elaborate if needed.

I’m in a constant state of anxiety of poo poo not getting done and wondering why I freak the gently caress out. I also wonder why I’m the only one freaking out. I’ve never flipped out on an employee but I’ve certainly lost sleep and taken it home (which makes me an rear end in a top hat).I pretty much wonder why no one has a sense of urgency ever. But now im realizing maybe im freaking out over poo poo out of my control.

I dunno if I’m a loving maniac or just a normal pissed off business guy. I’m pretty sure my Boss finds it as a benefit of cleaning his mess up.

Halp

Just to update and maybe help someone else in the same shoes. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD and hyper vigilance from the VA. I’ve been prescribed Zoloft and working through it. I’ve always thought my extreme work ethic and perfectionism would be a positive trait. I’m now realizing the toll it’s taking on me and the family. I’ve slept around 4 hours a night for the past 25 years. When I can’t sleep I think of “poo poo” and just open the laptop and start working.

Take care of your body and mind. Youre more useful alive making money then dead from a heart attack. Stop and smell the flowers.

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windshipper
Jun 19, 2006

Dr. Whet Faartz would like to know if this smells funny to you?
My dad died almost a year ago. Today, January 2nd, was the start of his hospitalizations from dementia/Alzheimers that led to his death on January 23rd. It was just me and my mom juggling it all. My stupid, useless loving older siblings offered almost no help during those days, the worst of it. The last week was him on a 2mg dilaudid drip with PRN 4mg Ativan for sedation. Just to help him pass. Only then did one of the two of them step up.

I don’t know what the gently caress to do.

windshipper
Jun 19, 2006

Dr. Whet Faartz would like to know if this smells funny to you?
I really want to remember him as the man he was, but all I’m stuck with is the loving wretched memories of his last days/months on this poo poo earth.

SerthVarnee
Mar 13, 2011

oh what a day, what a lovely day
Big Super Slapstick Hunk

windshipper posted:

I really want to remember him as the man he was, but all I’m stuck with is the loving wretched memories of his last days/months on this poo poo earth.

Try twisting that into him being a good enough influence on you, that you'd willingly go through that poo poo once again, just to keep him from suffering a second more than he had to.

I've been through...far too many deaths in the last four years, and the fact that this still hits you so hard is a loving good thing.

You never want to hear yourself casually go "you get used to it after a few."

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!

windshipper posted:

I really want to remember him as the man he was, but all I’m stuck with is the loving wretched memories of his last days/months on this poo poo earth.

It's been five years but my wife is still struggling with this; the only thing that helps is mentally subdividing the person her mom was before dementia from the person she was obliged to care for that inherited the same body. It's weird and cold at times with how distancing it is, but it does work.

windshipper
Jun 19, 2006

Dr. Whet Faartz would like to know if this smells funny to you?

SerthVarnee posted:

Try twisting that into him being a good enough influence on you, that you'd willingly go through that poo poo once again, just to keep him from suffering a second more than he had to.

I've been through...far too many deaths in the last four years, and the fact that this still hits you so hard is a loving good thing.

You never want to hear yourself casually go "you get used to it after a few."

I’ve been around so much death. I’ve been a FF/EMT for 12 years. I BVM’d a woman the last 5-10 minutes of the ambulance ride from the hospital to the retirement facility because she still had a pulse and O2 is a comfort measure.


poo poo just hits different. I wouldn’t change what I did for him, but I still have so much anger that it was just on me and my mom. I have two older siblings.

Eulogistics
Aug 30, 2012
I just went to my first Refuge Recovery meeting online. I don't have any substance abuse issues (stolen valor lol), I really just wanted a buddhist meditation group, and it was very nice. The focus of the meditation was forgiveness: forgiving others who hurt you, asking for forgiveness from others you hurt, and forgiving yourself for hurting yourself. There's like 100 different available online meetings every week, may be worth checking out for anyone with substance issues.


https://www.refugerecovery.org/about

https://refugerecoverymeetings.org/meetings?tsml-day=any

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Solitaire6
Feb 5, 2025

You gotta go out. You ain’t gotta come back.
blanked. resolved.

Solitaire6 fucked around with this message at 22:46 on Mar 27, 2025

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