Civilization 2 plus dinosaurs minus competence: Let's Gond

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Drakyn: Dec 26, 2012

Tiggum posted:

So you can build farmland but you can't get supermarkets, so it's pointless?

Actually I just went back and checked and in fact it is me who is pointless, and an idiot besides. The Farmer's Market unlocked with Agriculture is actually the Supermarket. By way of apology the next thing will happen sooner than the other things that would normally happen.

Drakyn fucked around with this message at 03:41 on Feb 4, 2017

# ? Feb 4, 2017 03:24

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 20:14

Drakyn: Dec 26, 2012

Now I know we're all very busy now. I realize that. I get that. I get you, which is very difficult because I also get Gond at the same time and getting two things at once is very, very tricky.
But now it's time for us all to get a third, more urgent thing.

BONUS UPDATE 2: Where On Gond's Green Earth Are We?

Let us begin with fake things that aren't real.

^{This is our Gond. There are many like it, and this one is ours.}

Behold our fake world that isn't real. It measures seventy-five tiles by one hundred and twenty tiles, making it 'Large.' It is also 'Round,' which, in the finest traditions of awkward projection, actually means it's sort of like a cylinder or possibly a donut. Geometry and geography are not to be trifled with.

^{This is not our Gond and there were none like it and it was never ours. We did see it last bonus update, though.}

Behold our actual world that was real but is now gone. It measured oh gosh about the same as it does now, but thanks to the magic of plate tectonics everywhere was somewhere else.
-North America and most of Asia were Laurasia.
-South America, Australia, Africa, India, and Antarctica were Gondwana, or Gondwanaland.
This made directions very awkward and difficult.
You can see from all this that most of our continents are hugging each other at this time, around the very end of the Triassic. They have so recently combined into Pangaea, only a mere hundred million years ago - the Late Carboniferous. They do not yet know that soon the Jurassic will arrive and they will be slowly torn apart yet again, not to meet once more for millions of years.
This cycle of supercontinental aggregation and division has happened repeatedly in Earth's geological history, and is why rocks are always so lonely.

^{This is our Gond, but it has been fortified with added Education.}

Behold our fake world that isn't real blemished with the science and knowledge of the actual world that was real but is now gone. With this we can peer past the superficiality of the reality of Gond's greatness into the very essence of what makes Gond Gond.

Specifically, we can see it's located in Laurasia.

why

# ? Feb 4, 2017 16:50

nweismuller: Oct 11, 2012; They say that he who dies with the most Opil wins.

I am winning.

Drakyn posted:

Behold our fake world that isn't real blemished with the science and knowledge of the actual world that was real but is now gone. With this we can peer past the superficiality of the reality of Gond's greatness into the very essence of what makes Gond Gond.

Specifically, we can see it's located in Laurasia.

why

Why? Because it's gond where it wanted to go.

# ? Feb 4, 2017 18:12

Elite: Oct 30, 2010

Glazius posted:

This is kind of a ridiculous tech bounty. Does the AI just not know how to go after goodies?

A large part of this is the difficulty setting, on harder difficulties you're less likely to have such runaway expansion from goody huts.

On Chieftan barbarians are much less common, AI units have a penalty in combat (and these penalties are larger on barbarian units) and cities get smaller happiness penalties.

So on Chieftan difficulty you can go early scouting with all your starting unit because a) you're unlikely to get into a fight, b) any fight you do get into you're likely to win, c) you don't need forces for morale/happiness reasons. Goody huts also might be more likely to have good outcomes.

On harder difficulties it becomes more and more neccessary to station forces in your cities and actively defend your territory because fights are more likely and they aren't skewed in your favour and your cities can more easily go into revolt if there aren't enough troops garrisoned in them. The corruption and waste penalties are also worse on harder difficulties which can make a large sprawling empire unproductive until you get a lot of tech upgrades and city improvements.

Early scouting also tends to snowball harder on chieftan. You'll have a low attrition rate for your units, so you gaining more units without losing them allows you to scout in more directions so you get more goody huts and get more scouts etc etc. Goody hut spawned units are also assigned upkeep from the city closest to them, but if the closest city belongs to another player the they'll get no upkeep at all, so if you're scounting in someone else's territory you can get an upkeep free army (and a high tech one at that).

I mostly played on Chieftan because I am also a baby and I recall a Chieftan game of Civ2 multiplayer with a friend where I had something like 50 cities to his 3, because he was more accustomed to playing on harder difficulty settings.

# ? Feb 4, 2017 21:46

wiegieman: Apr 22, 2010; Royalty is a continuous cutting motion

Gond drat Turok had some sick music.

# ? Feb 5, 2017 01:01

Cathode Raymond: Dec 30, 2015; My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.; Soiled Meat

Drakyn posted:

^{This is our Gond, but it has been fortified with added Education.}

This is my new favorite info graphic because it has helped me begin to understand the degenerate cylinder world on which the Gondians have gonded for many millions of years.

I sometimes have dreams in which I encounter a Gondian in the recent future and he shows me his earthworks and his monstrous fish and the spawning ground on which he was hatched. He offers me his maps and I tell him his maps are useless, dung-soiled trash and they are a poor representation of his cylinder world. At that point he bites my head and I awake.

I cannot be certain from the dream as to whether his Gondian words were real words or meaningless shrieks. I cannot be certain from the dream as to whether the maps were intended to be real maps or if the Gondian fully understood what a map was intended to be. I cannot be certain from the dream as to whether the Gondian bit my head in anger or whether he always intended to bite my head.

# ? Feb 5, 2017 22:34

Kanthulhu: Apr 8, 2009; NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!

(Dany shits in a field)

Looks like the entire nation of Gond is really bad at geography and thought they were in a different continent

# ? Feb 6, 2017 11:47

Prism: Dec 22, 2007; yospos

Kanthulhu posted:

Looks like the entire nation of Gond is really bad at geography and thought they were in a different continent

Give them a break, they hadn't invented maps yet when they named themselves.

Or fingers.

# ? Feb 6, 2017 16:46

Cathode Raymond: Dec 30, 2015; My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.; Soiled Meat

Prism posted:

Give them a break, they hadn't invented maps yet when they named themselves.

Or fingers.

Judging by the reaction of literally every other faction, Gond maps are still useless and nonsensical and no one wants them even after all these millions of years and layers of rock.

Or maybe every other faction's maps are terrible also, but they all do their maps in different terrible ways that they think is the best and will accept no substitutes. We all have to make peace with the fact that we may never understand some aspects of Gondian culture.

# ? Feb 6, 2017 18:27

Drakyn: Dec 26, 2012

Elite posted:

<enlightening discussion of game mechanics>
I mostly played on Chieftan because I am also a baby and I recall a Chieftan game of Civ2 multiplayer with a friend where I had something like 50 cities to his 3, because he was more accustomed to playing on harder difficulty settings.

Well said, fellow baby.

wiegieman posted:

Gond drat Turok had some sick music.

Dinosaurs in video games are a sort of a crapshoot. I like to think that dinosaur music in video games is a bit less so.

Kanthulhu posted:

Looks like the entire nation of Gond is really bad at geography and thought they were in a different continent

They had fifty-fifty odds with a wild guess. A shameful guess.
Mind you, 'Gond' is a much better name than 'Laur." Style over substance is indeed the substrate much of Gond has been built on.

Cathode Raymond posted:

I sometimes have dreams in which I encounter a Gondian in the recent future and he shows me his earthworks and his monstrous fish and the spawning ground on which he was hatched. He offers me his maps and I tell him his maps are useless, dung-soiled trash and they are a poor representation of his cylinder world. At that point he bites my head and I awake.

I cannot be certain from the dream as to whether his Gondian words were real words or meaningless shrieks. I cannot be certain from the dream as to whether the maps were intended to be real maps or if the Gondian fully understood what a map was intended to be. I cannot be certain from the dream as to whether the Gondian bit my head in anger or whether he always intended to bite my head.

You have many experiences in common with basically everyone we've interacted with so far and I am severely sorry if any of them were your relatives or close clades.

Anyways, lorem ipsum dolor delenda Devaloka est

Update 11: Gond With The Wind

# ? Feb 7, 2017 00:28

The Sandman: Jun 23, 2013; Okay!

So, I've, like, designed a really sweet attack plan that I'm calling Attack Plan Ded Moroz, like "Deadmau5!"

WUB!

Looks like we may need some sort of new and unprecedented weapon to ensure victory in this war.

A Gondam, as it were.

# ? Feb 7, 2017 00:48

Tiggum: Oct 24, 2007; Your life and your quest end here.

Cathode Raymond posted:

Judging by the reaction of literally every other faction, Gond maps are still useless and nonsensical and no one wants them even after all these millions of years and layers of rock.

Or maybe every other faction's maps are terrible also, but they all do their maps in different terrible ways that they think is the best and will accept no substitutes. We all have to make peace with the fact that we may never understand some aspects of Gondian culture.

In case anyone's actually interested, this is a weird thing in Civ2 where you have to have pretty much the highest possible diplomatic rating to get anyone to trade maps with you, which generally means you first have to give them a shitload of stuff that they will inevitably use against you, all for the somewhat dubious advantage of knowing where their cities are.

# ? Feb 7, 2017 05:11

Seyser Koze: Dec 15, 2013; Mucho Mucho; Nap Ghost

The Sandman posted:

Looks like we may need some sort of new and unprecedented weapon to ensure victory in this war.

A Gondam, as it were.

No, first we must found the city of Gondolin. Gondish steel will be feared throughout the land.

# ? Feb 7, 2017 06:02

Drakyn: Dec 26, 2012

Tiggum posted:

In case anyone's actually interested, this is a weird thing in Civ2 where you have to have pretty much the highest possible diplomatic rating to get anyone to trade maps with you, which generally means you first have to give them a shitload of stuff that they will inevitably use against you, all for the somewhat dubious advantage of knowing where their cities are.

It probably isn't helped by this being the Multiplayer Gold Edition of Civilization 2, where supposedly the AI defaults to hating your guts as hard as possible at the start of every single turn. Our chances of getting our worthless Gondwanan maps to be accepted and cherished and loved are pretty slim.
The Let's Pro of Civ 2 that occurred a time or two ago (modded to restore the original, less sociopathic AI) managed to get some mileage out of their own cartographic efforts, mind you.

Let's Play Civilization 2: Update 32 posted:

Wheee! I�m going to kill these guys the same turn they spawned!

I'd like to say I'd dare to dream to one day fly so high...but let's be real here. Gond's pretty much landbound. Anyone wants to evolve into a beautiful strategically masterminding bird around here they've got to do on their own time. The rest of us will be out back in the Agora, trying to square the exchange rate on dead lizards for uprooted trees.

# ? Feb 7, 2017 07:08

Glazius: Jul 22, 2007; Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.; Clapping Larry

So, carnivores are... the equivalent of nuclear weapons?

Now I'm imagining gibs so widely strewn around they count as fallout.

# ? Feb 8, 2017 06:41

Drakyn: Dec 26, 2012

Glazius posted:

So, carnivores are... the equivalent of nuclear weapons?

Now I'm imagining gibs so widely strewn around they count as fallout.

Be warned, our words are backed by ~~nuclear weapons~~ THE VERY TEETH THAT SPEAK THEM.

Update 12: Gonda Fly Now
war is heck

# ? Feb 9, 2017 00:14

Cathode Raymond: Dec 30, 2015; My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.; Soiled Meat

fish monster, I will miss your bony fins and your intrepid spirit.

# ? Feb 9, 2017 01:50

TooMuchAbstraction: Oct 14, 2012; I spent four years making
Waves of Steel
Hell yes I'm going to turn my avatar into an ad for it.; Fun Shoe

I hope those were literal clams that Plink got. It'd be kind of weird to be using that as slang for currency when we don't have any concept of money.

# ? Feb 9, 2017 01:57

nweismuller: Oct 11, 2012; They say that he who dies with the most Opil wins.

I am winning.

Well, now that you've Gond and Gond-ten Lysenko's Library, please tell me the Mammal Suppression Plan is next.

# ? Feb 9, 2017 02:09

Glazius: Jul 22, 2007; Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.; Clapping Larry

This doesn't have a science victory, I think you said.

But it would be great if the science victory was summoning a meteor.

# ? Feb 9, 2017 04:44

nweismuller: Oct 11, 2012; They say that he who dies with the most Opil wins.

I am winning.

Glazius posted:

This doesn't have a science victory, I think you said.

But it would be great if the science victory was summoning a meteor.

Perhaps the science victory should be building a massive, elaborate raft to float out into the deep ocean and then sink with all its walnut-brained passengers on board. Exploration! The Gonds could even draw a map of the expedition, consisting of a squiggly line on a big stone slab, with no attention paid to 'consistent scale', 'landmarks along the way', or 'precise angles of turning'.

... on second thought, we have no need of worthless Gondwanan maps.

nweismuller fucked around with this message at 04:55 on Feb 9, 2017

# ? Feb 9, 2017 04:51

Cathode Raymond: Dec 30, 2015; My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.; Soiled Meat

This Mammal Suppression Plan sounds awfully final solutionish and I don't think we should embark upon it.

Then again, I am a mammal with mammalian morals, so my opinion is suspect.

# ? Feb 9, 2017 04:53

Drakyn: Dec 26, 2012

TooMuchAbstraction posted:

I hope those were literal clams that Plink got. It'd be kind of weird to be using that as slang for currency when we don't have any concept of money.

Wikipedia sez clams date back to the Cambrian so odds of us using mollusk money seems Pretty Good.

Cathode Raymond posted:

This Mammal Suppression Plan sounds awfully final solutionish and I don't think we should embark upon it.

Then again, I am a mammal with mammalian morals, so my opinion is suspect.

as gently caress, frankly.

Update 13: Bygond Days

# ? Feb 11, 2017 01:05

Mzbundifund: Nov 5, 2011; I'm afraid so.

I'm on board with this new mammal suppression plan.

Hair today, Gond tomorrow

# ? Feb 11, 2017 02:11

POOL IS CLOSED: Jul 14, 2011; I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.; Pillbug

I prefer the mollusk soup plan!

# ? Feb 11, 2017 03:15

Slaan: Mar 16, 2009; ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

How dare they not share maps?! I'm glad you kicked them right in the Gondads

# ? Feb 11, 2017 04:24

King Doom: Dec 1, 2004; I am on the Internet.

King Doom fucked around with this message at 12:41 on Feb 12, 2017

# ? Feb 12, 2017 12:37

Glazius: Jul 22, 2007; Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.; Clapping Larry

I wonder what constitutes "future technology" for Gond?

# ? Feb 12, 2017 13:46

nweismuller: Oct 11, 2012; They say that he who dies with the most Opil wins.

I am winning.

Glazius posted:

I wonder what constitutes "future technology" for Gond?

Maps.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 13:53

Drakyn: Dec 26, 2012

Mzbundifund posted:

I'm on board with this new mammal suppression plan.

Hair today, Gond tomorrow

Glazius posted:

I wonder what constitutes "future technology" for Gond?

nweismuller posted:

Maps.

Speculating upon the future consists of imagining the possible.
This particular speculation is not possible.

And now for something completely impossible

Update 14: Gondontology

# ? Feb 13, 2017 00:35

HiKaizer: Feb 2, 2012; Yes!
I finally understand everything there is to know about axes!

Those sneaky mammals summoned a demon from the heavens.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 01:35

Slaan: Mar 16, 2009; ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

Even myself, noted mammal, think that mammals are too underhanded to exist. You'd never see a dinosaur stooping to such levels!

# ? Feb 13, 2017 01:43

Tin Tim: Jun 4, 2012; Live by the pun - Die by the pun

Mammals

Also lol at the rating

# ? Feb 13, 2017 01:43

Glazius: Jul 22, 2007; Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.; Clapping Larry

drat. All that pollution caught up with you, huh?

Is it actually possible to win this game, or is it more of a score attack?

# ? Feb 14, 2017 04:19

Drakyn: Dec 26, 2012

Update 15: Gond For Good

The real Gond was inside you all along. It is just to the left of your appendix. And it hungers.
Well, come back.
Last time.
Last
time.

17-The Lost World: Jurassic Park (PS1) - Base Camp Revenge

Wow, that was weird. Anyways, let's just

oh gently caress YOU.

Well, we've got what we need.

And more than that.

More polishing off.

Well well well. Hello there, stranger.

It must be asked.

Well. We checked.

Nobody listens to us. Ever.

This is quite literally all that Oviphagia does. It is strictly there to turn off the Great Creche. I suppose in case someone else has it and you'd rather they didn't.

From now on, the only purpose to this is point-scoring.

Now if you'll excuse us, we have a civilization to eat.

(CLICK HERE to listen to us dine)

Civilization 2 is complicated. You see, for some reason, when you kill people they tend to come back as alternate nations. It is not clear why. It is not clear how. It is not clear what makes it stop.
Besides killing. Lots and lots of killing.
But we HAVE grown rather hungry spending two hundred and fifty million years cooped up inside Gond's walls.

He was direct, we'll give him that.

(CLICK HERE for dramatic airborne action)

Oh for god's sake.
This is the great and unspeakable power of the 1-tile city. Only amphibious land units may attack coming out of a transport, and aquatic and air units can't occupy a city.

Commissioned from Alulalui and shipped.

And after that little difficulty...well.

It's all over bar the screaming.

wait what

Deja vu.

No, finding them is not easy.

Hush.

Shhh.

No more words. Just quiet time.

Victory time.

We have made Gond strong. And now we will make it silent.

A very appropriate title. A good title.

A good time. A bed time.
For Gond.

THE END

New Units

Drakyn fucked around with this message at 00:22 on Feb 16, 2017

# ? Feb 15, 2017 00:09

TooMuchAbstraction: Oct 14, 2012; I spent four years making
Waves of Steel
Hell yes I'm going to turn my avatar into an ad for it.; Fun Shoe

Thank you for the LP! It was a ~~good~~gond LP.

Gondbye for now.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 02:55

Tin Tim: Jun 4, 2012; Live by the pun - Die by the pun

Seems like the world got a bad case of Gondorrhea

# ? Feb 15, 2017 19:47

BaconCopter: Feb 13, 2008

Having this amazing LP to read has been a Gondsend while killing some time. Thanks!

# ? Feb 15, 2017 20:25

Kanthulhu: Apr 8, 2009; NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!

(Dany shits in a field)

Really enjoyed this LP, short but sweet.

Good job.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 22:31

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 20:14

Aeromancia: Jul 23, 2013

Kanthulhu posted:

Good job.

Gond job.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 23:51

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Civilization 2 plus dinosaurs minus competence: Let's Gond

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