AliExpress: I CAN SHOW YOU SOME TRASH

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > AliExpress: I CAN SHOW YOU SOME TRASH

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Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

diabeetz posted:

Glitter clutch, another bag that wouldn't hold 1/10th of what I carry but c'mon

Answering the question "How do I look stylish, whilst showing everyone what brand of tampon I use?"

# ¿ Mar 7, 2019 10:17

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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 17:01

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Are the flash deals the same for everyone, or are they personalised?

# ¿ Mar 20, 2019 19:13

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Tad Naff posted:

I sure hope not, otherwise they seem to think I'm big into bikinis and lingerie... Well maybe I am, but not as a consumer.

I ask cause the last couple of days, the in the top 20 deals have been anal lube and $1 buttplugs and I worry what Ali thinks about me and why

(I'm kind of more annoyed that they think I am a cheap pervert, rather than just a pervert)

# ¿ Mar 20, 2019 22:20

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

taqueso posted:

That's silvervine, which (most) cats go nuts for like catnip.

You and I both know that there is a more than even chance of them just being sticks of anything growing outside some dude's house in rural China.

# ¿ Mar 24, 2019 02:28

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

nonathlon posted:

Personalised, with a decent amount of general or random items slugged in. I've had too many cases of looking at an item and then having it show up in the flash deals for it to be otherwise.

I may have just outed myself as a pervert then.

Furia posted:

So is this what I think it is or what I think it is pretending to be?

Car Airbag Simulator Emulator Bypass Garage SRS Fault Finding Diagnostic Tool Car Auto Truck Universal

Assuming you don't think it is a buttplug, then 'yes'

# ¿ Mar 25, 2019 13:28

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Snowy posted:

Ok so what is that airbag thingie? It makes it look like the airbags are functional or is there something more devious than that?

Exactly that. If you don't have a functional airbag, it:

Allows you to drive without a warning light on the dash
Get your car through inspection
Sell the car to an unsuspecting person.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2019 14:18

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Horse Clocks posted:

I have a suspicion it�s also related to this thread. If everyone views all the poo poo posted here, it�s likely to result in a grouped set of seemingly random products, it�s then likely to include other random crap from other goons as suggestions.

So, if there were enough of us, we could google-bomb the site so that everyone looking for, say, confederate flags would always get big black dildoes in their recommendations?

# ¿ Mar 25, 2019 22:10

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

bad posts ahead!!! posted:

well, this has never happened before

If I may ask a personal question: how many items on your wishlist are buttplugs; cause this might explain the personalised Flash Sale results we're getting?

# ¿ Mar 27, 2019 15:29

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Are you trying to view the dick hoover on the app? cause naughty stuff is hidden on the app because of app store rules.

# ¿ Mar 29, 2019 01:14

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

I don't know what is happening here, but it scares me.

E: just tested it and it is the app censoring stuff that you can view on the website.

Shut up Meg fucked around with this message at 01:22 on Mar 29, 2019

# ¿ Mar 29, 2019 01:19

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

SEX BURRITO posted:

Suppositories?

They seem to be some sort of packaging, so I suppose you could send tiny little computer parts on them.

I asked the supplier:

quote:

What are these for? How do you use them?

and got an instant reply:

quote:

you can open it

Feeling enlightened?

# ¿ Apr 4, 2019 12:33

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Something I didn't know existed:

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Pet...2957295666.html

# ¿ Apr 5, 2019 17:25

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

I have received two packages, one largish and shirt-like, and one small and mysterious, both with Chinese characters on their shipping labels. If the lead dust doesn’t kill me, I shall return shortly with details.

I love finding a small package in my mailbox and having not even the faintest idea what the gently caress it is, because it was such a long time ago that I ordered something in a drunken haze.

I'm basically secret santa-ing myself on a regular basis.

# ¿ Apr 13, 2019 22:31

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Earphone review:

I get through earphones at a heck of a rate as I tend to fall asleep whilst wearing them at night and break the cables by sleeping on them for 7 hours. So, I figured that I could buy something dirt cheap and just replace them every few weeks and it would still be much cheaper than buying 'nice' ones.

60c a pair including postage!
How bad can they be? They only need to be good enough to listen to a podcast.

Answer: they can be utter shite and sound like they cost 60c including postage.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2019 17:01

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Greggy posted:

My son is awful with earbuds and kills them at the same rate whether I buy specifically "ultra-durable" expensive ones or cheap ones, so I ordered 5 pair of these 6 months ago, and then 5 more a couple weeks ago. The sound quality isn't great but they're $1 and you don't care if they break.
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/SOO...2850603570.html

When you say they aren't great, what score for quality would you give them on a scale of 1-10 where 10 is Shure and 1 is someone holding a cardboard tube to their mouth and humming loudly?

Samopsa posted:

just get bluetooth earbuds, I got QCY's and they are loving awesome. Use them every night to listen to podcasts in bed, I use one ear so I can lie on my side, no cable hassle.

It's a good idea and I will use those recommendations for daytime use. I won't use them at night as a) my mp3 player doesn't have bluetooth and b) I can imagine gently drifting off to the land of Nod, only to be rudely awakened by a lady shouting 'Prease charging!' full-volume in my ears.

Sex Robot posted:

I have this

The speakers are ok enough to listen to podcasts, and lie flat so you can sleep on your side without them pissing you off. The cable is braided so much more robust and the cable is attached to the top so if you keep your smartphone or whatever up by your pillow the cable tends to stay up there too instead of getting dragged down into blanket world, one of the best purchases I made so far this year.

I think I'll give this a try, too

The Bloop posted:

it might not be "bad" but I'd definitely say it's pretty unusual

Oh, in my case, it is weird. It's not even a podcast: it's a radio sitcom with only 26 episodes but it's got great characters and I just find it very relaxing to listen to

# ¿ Apr 18, 2019 20:37

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

mobby_6kl posted:

Definitely secure the suction cups, I have a couple that did pretty ok so far on my car but you never know when one will fall off if there's a lot of vibration (or you hit it with a cone)

I've got one of those cups and I have to say mine is pretty lovely: most of my videos include a shot of it falling off the inside of my windscreen and giving a closeup of the carpets.

On the other hand: this DSLR one is so strong that I worry the suction will pull the car apart and I think I could probably use it to scale a skyscraper:

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Heavy-Duty-Car-Suction-Cup-Window-Glass-Mount-Holder-Tripod-Mount-for-Gopro-Hero5-4-3/32803624879.html

# ¿ Apr 21, 2019 18:13

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

NoneMoreNegative posted:

Hug in a Can, get your Disco Bladerunner party on

Pah! Go large or go home.

Real disco queens use illuminated breast implants:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a929IRtg4YU&t=738s

# ¿ Apr 23, 2019 14:19

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

MarcusSA posted:

Oh my god my recommendations are all hosed up lol. Thanks thread.

You think you've got problems:
NSFW

(for the record, only the USB hub comes from my browsing history. I blame you lot for the rest)

# ¿ Apr 23, 2019 21:39

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Cityboy friend of mine wore a Calvin Klein bodysuit under his 3 piece suit. The idea was that it would prevent the vest from riding up during the day and looking messy. Good idea. But....

It did not have any crotch fasteners. He discovered this design flaw when in the company restroom, desperate for a dump.

He wasn't sure which was the worst part of the experience:

Having to remove every single item of clothing (shirt, tie, jacket, trousers, shoes, underwear) in a small cubicle or

Having to take a dump at work, whilst completely naked, save for his socks.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2019 23:46

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

MarcusSA posted:

Yeah it would definitely get the job done. I think the 1080p one is probably $50 by now.

If you were really serious though the GoPro is the way to go.

Seconding that YI is good poo poo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tybp5I9ow3I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ntg5VRjfdqU

Really surprisingly, the phone app is pretty decent and not the usual shite.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2019 20:38

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

goblin week posted:

Pretty much. Sometimes you just wanna feel better about yourself with minimal effort, you know?

I've never felt good about my rear end getting fatter.

nonathlon posted:

I had that in the UK: AE sent me a "your parcel has been received" and it showed up at me door a day or two later.

Maybe the notification they get is something like "the parcel is in the local mail system" and they're interpreting very generously.

I have the suspicion that for some sellers, they use a service that bulk sends it to a single UK mailing centre, then it gets sent to your address and arrives a couple of days later.

# ¿ May 1, 2019 14:47

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

TorakFade posted:

Thanks, that's a good price with the sale (not sure if still current though, it was yesterday when I bought). Grabbed 2 100ft rolls, you can never have too much paracord

Buggerit- I've just paid about 3 times that per yard for something that was claimed to be 6mm diameter, but I am not sure it hasn't been misdescribed.

eSporks posted:

I've owned 2 smart watches, the amazfitbip and the garmin vivosport. The amazfitbip ended up in the trash can after 2 days. When the band on the garmin broke getting it back was all I could think about during the 2 week warranty process.
The amazfit might be cool for some, but the app is utter trash. I forget the details exactly, but I had to download some 3rd party app just to make it work. I suppose that in theory it works and it has the functions it claims, but he whole UX experience is hostile.

Odd, I've been using a Mii band for a while and I rather like the app for it. Were you using the official app?
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.xiaomi.hm.health&hl=en_GB

It has had some significant upgrades (actually, there is one today)

# ¿ May 10, 2019 09:50

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

eSporks posted:

I was on Android. Maybe I just got a bad one?
I remember the whole experience just being awful.
The QR code in the box to download the app didn't work. The play store lists multiple apps of varying compatibility.

I do recall hearing about the big app update another user mentioned, I know I had my watch before that update.

Ah, now that's a story I recognise!

Tiny square of paper in the box with a QR code that that doesn't work and a URL to a broken website that contains 3 possible files to download - none with descriptive names - all requiring you to bypass Android security to sideload onto the phone.

Googling for a solution and finding a yahoo groups post that suggests a particular app on the Play store that may work.

Which isn't there.

But there are 5 apps with names that are nothing to do with the name of the watch, whose descriptions suggest they may work.

Pick one on the basis that it has the most readable English, try that. Spend 15 mins trying to get the watch to connect to Bluetooth using the recommended method and failing.

Ignore the app, pair it using the OS

Remove and reinstall the app.....and it works!

# ¿ May 10, 2019 21:07

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Charles Bukowski posted:

What are these watches even for? My phone tracks my steps. My wristwatch and phone tell the time. Why are you hurting yourselves?!

1) The step counter is (supposedly) more accurate than a phone
2) It has a heart rate monitor which is useful when doing exercise other than walking running (e.g. bicycling)
3) It has a heart rate monitor which is useful when your vision goes dark, your chest feels like it will explode and your legs go wobbly to see just how much strain you've put on your heart
4) It alerts you when your phone is ringing when you've left it on vibrate in the other room
5) The vibrating alarm is great for waking you up without disturbing a sleeping partner.

# ¿ May 10, 2019 21:47

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Carrion Luggage posted:

I do not wear a watch but I have gotten to a point in my life that I would like easy access to information at a glance without taking my phone from my pocket, like heart rate and O2 (doesn't seem (m)any do this), as well as sleep tracking without buying super pricey equipment. I was looking at getting a smart watch but there seem to be so drat many makers and models out there.

And holy poo poo do the prices vary.

I had a fancy Garmin smart fitness tracker ($100) and the screen died after 30 days
My friend had a fitbit dumb tracker ($80) and the clasp (and hence the entire thing) broke after 3 months

I bought a Mi Band for $20 - it's still going strong and it does all the same things they did, plus replacement bands are $2 a pop.

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Xiaomi-Mi-Band-3-Miband-3-Smart-Wristband-With-0-78-OLED-Touch-Screen-Waterproof-Heart/32880744665.html

The only limitation is that the screen is too small for caller ID unless you have really, really good eyes.

# ¿ May 10, 2019 23:48

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Makes you think about people who buy condoms from Ali.

# ¿ May 17, 2019 20:37

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

SEX BURRITO posted:

And a fake sword umbrella for when you want to risk a cop shooting you whenever it rains.

I've seen them in the flesh and when you pick them up, you definitely think 'wow, cool!' for the first 30 seconds. Like 'really cool, I want one'

Then for the next 30 seconds, you consider the genuine possibility of getting shot by the cop.

Then for the rest of the day, you are glad you didn't buy it because even if you didn't get killed, you would look like a massive, massive dweeb.

# ¿ May 20, 2019 23:06

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

HELLOMYNAMEIS___ posted:

Camping and saiing:
Paracord. A useful multi-purpose cord. I've added a chin strap to a tricorn with this.

Man, that company has a hell of a range of colours available. Instead of olive drab, I treated myself to some fun colours:

Mind you, it does seem very thin for paracord. It feels like shoelaces rather than something you would drop out of an aeroplane with

# ¿ May 21, 2019 16:08

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

s.i.r.e. posted:

You're actually going to use this thing? Please make a video.

And ask your next of kin to post it to Liveleak.

# ¿ May 22, 2019 08:11

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Enos Shenk posted:

I don't know if I did the math RIGHT, but I tinkered with google, and estimated one of the blades to get the weight. 384 lbf at 13,000 RPM. Which is written on the angle grinder there.

More googling says that's about what an AR15 round can do in terms of impact energy.

Please don't die for the sake of this thread.

I'm quite happy to laugh at posters who get a rash on their naughty bits as a result of an Ali purchase, but this is a bit too much.

# ¿ May 22, 2019 08:22

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

HELLOMYNAMEIS___ posted:

I mean yeah, obviously don't use it for actual parachuting purposes, but it should be fine as general-purpose cord for camping etc.

Maybe I have been spoilt with what I understand 'paracord' to be and the stuff I have previously bought has been higher spec than the standard, but this feels thin. At first, I thought they had manufactured it without any inner strands at all - when you squeeze it flat, it is only 2mm thick. I did open it up and it has 6 strands after all, so maybe I don't know what real paracord should feel like.

# ¿ May 23, 2019 16:07

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

HELLOMYNAMEIS___ posted:

I mean yeah, obviously don't use it for actual parachuting purposes, but it should be fine as general-purpose cord for camping etc.

On the off-chance anyone gives a poo poo, I messaged the seller about the specs and they claimed the breaking strain was 'about 300lbs'

I have to tell you that I shocked that YoouPara 250 Colors Paracord 550 Rope Type III 7 Stand 100FT 50FT Paracord Parachute Cord Rope Survival kit Wholesale was only available in 237 colours, did not have a 550lb breaking strain, was not Type III paracord and didn't have 7 strands.

# ¿ May 24, 2019 09:25

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

eSporks posted:

I decided to give my Amazfit bip a second chance. What's the correct Android app to use?

Mi Fit

# ¿ May 24, 2019 22:16

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

TorakFade posted:

I used the "local sports/camping stuff store" version of cheap Chinese paracord to tow an ATV out of the snow with another ATV. Have no idea how many strands it had inside, but it felt the exact same as AliExpress paracord, and it was just about as thick as a normal USB cable, maybe slightly more?

It's good enough for most uses, really, except probably parachuting

I know what you are doing is sharing an amusing and interesting anecdote, but I can't but help think you are comparing my body weight to that of an atv.

# ¿ May 25, 2019 08:16

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

One of my guilty pleasures is reading the reviews of stuff like clothing.

# ¿ May 25, 2019 10:45

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

yoloer420 posted:

I've had some rad stuff arrive recently!

Velcro straps (for bundling / securing cables)

They work great and secure my cables. Extremely cheap too. If you're still using cable ties to bundle cables, stop immediately, these are way better.

40pcs /lot 190mm x 21mm Cable Ties Nylon Strap Power Wire Management

I've been using these for a year now and I can throughly recommend them: they are very tough plastic and the velcro stays very strongly hooked together.
Also, once you have used them, they form to the rolled up shape - when you take them off the cable, they automatically roll themselves up.

# ¿ May 27, 2019 12:47

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

Fauxtool posted:

The hospital has a poor patient nurse ratio and lazy staff.
I frequently visit the room to find the patient with a spiked heartrate and drenched in sweat with the nurse swearing they were just there and didnt see anything wrong.

Thinking about it, how will the watch help this hosed up situation?
If you get an alert on your phone that their HR/temp is high, what are you going to do? Call the hospital and demand they send the nurse round or drive there yourself?

Don't get me wrong, I am very sympathic to you, but I can't see how this helps. Best I could suggest is a monitor they wear for a week, then you collate the data and use it to complain about the healthcare and get them moved somewhere competent.

# ¿ May 28, 2019 09:09

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

MarcusSA posted:

I�m guessing it�s imbedded in the fan not something you need to plug into a pc to set. Like your oven clock or something.

I've seen this tech many, many years ago and you're right: you have to press L or R to cycle through the whole alphabet for each character in turn.

Fine if you are just setting it the one time, not something to do every day.

# ¿ May 28, 2019 20:20

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

FistLips posted:

There are mirrors for this exact purpose. Should work, unless you specifically do not want a mirrored image of the child for some reason.

My first thought, but then I realised it was a rear-facing childseat so the seat back would obscure them

# ¿ May 31, 2019 08:55

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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 17:01

Shut up Meg: Jan 8, 2019; You're safe here.

The Wonder Weapon posted:

Has anyone purchased any light switches from Ali? Maybe https://www.aliexpress.com/item/322...AbTest=ae803_4, or https://www.aliexpress.com/item/328...AbTest=ae803_4. You get the general idea.

Cool looking switches state-side can be excruciatingly expensive, so I'm exploring some of the alternative options.

I'd be extremely wary of anything from Ali that handles mains power.

# ¿ May 31, 2019 20:31

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