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(Image Source) Jacob Lawson, The Delinquent Oh, what, we're doing some interview? gently caress, that's a lot of questions. Fine, whatever. You wanna know about me? I'll tell you the real poo poo. Alright, so I'm a psychic. Not like 'predict the future' but like 'better at emotions than you' psychic. And that's not bullshit. I am the fuckin' BEST at emotions! More than you can even imagine. I'm in-touch with my emotions, alright? All you closed-minded idiots worry about society's arbitrary rules more than what you actually want. You guys know it's all fake, right? Laws don't really exist. The only thing that's real is what we feel. But nobody realizes that. Everybody out there is fake but me. I'm the only real person on this fuckin' planet. If there's only one thing you remember, remember THAT. How did you get your powers? poo poo, I don't know. You're the smart one, so why don't you tell me? I'm just a fuckin' high schooler. It just kinda happened? Like- it's kinda like a second puberty or some poo poo, y'know? First your voice cracks and your body gets weird, and then a while later your head hurts and your body gets weird again but this time not in a fuckin' way that they explain in health class. Or maybe they actually explain it here. I don't know. You think I actually pay attention in health class? Anyway for me it was like- my head just started hurting one day. Like my brain was too big for my fuckin' skull. Just day in, day out, these horrible fuckin' migraines. Actually gave me an excuse to stay home from school for a few weeks. Mom was scared 'cuz she thought I had a fuckin' tumor or something. And so we go to the doctor, and guess what? It's loving psychic puberty. After that it was like- you know how they say teenagers act weird 'cuz hormones and poo poo? Okay, but imagine just having your feelings turned up to two-hundred-loving-percent. Yeah. That'll gently caress you up. What do you do for fun? Man, what don't I do? Everything I do is something I do for fun. If it's not fun, it's not worth doing. I mean like, number one's gotta be messing with people, right? 'Cause people love to flip their poo poo when you don't follow their arbitrary rules. And a lot of people put on a tough front, but on the inside they're so fragile, y'know? All they know how to do is be sheep, and the moment you show them they don't have to be they just lose it. But that's not really much of a hobby, huh. I mean loving around is good but you can't do it all day, y'know? So I also do a whole bunch of stuff like play the guitar, skate around, spray graffiti, and all that good poo poo that bad teens do. And there's also, like, uh... some anime I watch from time to time. I mean, like- some of it is really hyper-violent, y'know? Blood 'n guts everywhere and poo poo. Like, uh... what was that called... Bloodbath Academy? It was about a whole bunch of high school students murdering each other. I didn't actually watch it... ...What do I watch? Uhh... Uhhhhhhhh.... Well... I guess it would be... um.... This one show called Noriko, Princess of the Rose Blade. Which like- I know what it sounds like, okay?! But it's not dumb, wussy crap. If you poo poo-talk this show I will punch you in the fuckin' face. It's just a good show, okay?! And it's got some real kick-rear end sword fights in it. But it's not like it's about sword fights... Like- it's got a whole bunch of deep themes, about tragedy and poo poo. Who, outside the team, thinks better of you than you do? Oh yeah, thanks the vote of confidence. You think I got fuckin' self-esteem issues or something? Yeah, some fuckin' typical troubled teen I am. Parents don't love me so I must have some mentor figure, right? That's sarcasm, by the way. ...  Though, uh- Athena... actually, kinda is... I mean she's- uh- cool with me. Not that I need her or anything. It's just kinda nice to have at least one adult that, uh- gets me? Like, treats me like an adult? And not like some loving kid that needs to be talked down to? She's one of those real old-school heroes. Like, she fought in The War. And she's actually a real, honest-to-god, motherfuckin' badass. Nothing fazes her, and I mean nothing. I've tried to rile her up, I've tried every trick I know. But did she ever react? Did she ever once flip out at me? No, she never lost her cool. She just laughed at me. "Hon, if you think you can get to me, you're gonna have to try a lot harder than that." gently caress. I wish I could be that cool. Anyway, she's like- a friend, y'know? Like, she's supportive but she doesn't lecture me. She treats me like a person and actually listens to what I have to say. It's nice to have her around when so many adults just have sticks up their asses all the time. I'll even listen to her when she calls my bullshit out. Why do you try to be a hero? Because if Noriko taught me anything, it's that you just gotta loving do the right thing. I mean, it's easy to not care. All you gotta do is nothing. But like, you remember in Episode 15 when she tried that? Said "gently caress you" to the Destiny of the Rose Curse and did her own thing? Her friends got hurt. And like, she had to live with knowing that she let that happen. Nobody blamed her, cause like, everybody knows how powerful the Rose Curse is. But like... when you just stand by and let bad things happen... that's on your hands. And that's one of the worst feelings in the world. Nobody might call you out on it, but you know. And that's why Noriko picked up the Rose Sword again. And that's why I do the right thing sometimes. ... Wait, no- gently caress! That was a serious question, wasn't it? And I, uh... poo poo. Look, I don't take anime that seriously, okay? That was just... on my mind, okay? gently caress you. Don't @ me. Why do you care about the team? I don't. ... What? Don't look at me like that, I said I DON'T! Why should I care about them, anyway? I'm just in this for the credit. It's a lot harder to fail a project when you're being graded as a group. But, like... some of 'em are cool. They just gotta learn to stay out of my way. 'Cause gently caress the rules, man. I don't care how many times you complain. I'm doing things my way. And it's going to be better than that pansy-rear end poo poo you call a 'plan'. I mean- look at THIS! YEAH! WOO! HELL YEAH! THAT loving PUNK-rear end VILLAIN DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HIT 'EM! Now wasn't THAT a cool trick?! Puts all your poo poo to shame doesn't it? I bet you wish you could have moves like that, huh? ...No? Well gently caress you, then! I don't need your approval. What made you decide to join the academy? Because Mom and Dad said I couldn't. gently caress 'em. They never once actually believed in me. "A snail's got a better chance of winning a footrace than you have of getting into that school." Well I sure showed them, huh? You should have loving seen their faces. They were in disbelief. And now I don't have to live with them anymore. It's pretty fuckin' nice. I mean, boarding school can be a drag sometimes, but it sure as hell beats living at home. Or actually, no- this is my new home. By the time I graduate I'll be old enough to live on my own. I won't have to go back to that crummy old place ever again. Isn't it nice to be free? Which hero sponsored your entrance into the academy? What did you do to impress them? Oh, yeah, Athena did that. Alright, so a while ago I was this big local music festival. It's not like one of those big big festivals with actual good music, but it's the kinda scene where you can find a whole bunch of cool indie, alt, and punk guys and girls to hang out with. And it was a fun day, I suppose. But you know one of the lovely things about punk? It's hard to tell the difference between who's just a punk, and who's a Grade-A villainous rear end in a top hat. Like, most folks were cool. But then there was one point where I saw someone steal the loving charity jar. Like, they just walked up and grabbed that big, giant jar where they were collecting money for like, children's hospitals or some crap. I didn't pay attention because I don't give a gently caress about charity. But I DO give a gently caress if you think your dumb rear end can get away with just TAKING that loving charity money. Like, what the gently caress, man! This isn't like putting soda in a water cup or shoplifting from the supermarket. You can't just loving take CHARITY money! What's WRONG with you?! How hosed up do you have to be to even DO that?! So I call 'em out. "Hey, rear end in a top hat. Put that back!" And I give 'em one of my mean looks. One of those that lets 'em feel how much they just hosed up. Then they get one of those "Oh poo poo" looks and just start booking it. And then I like- Oh, I haven't told you how I fight, have I? Well like, okay, that look was one way. Psychic tricks, remember? Emotional bonds, use the power of feelings, that crap. But feelings don't usually do the trick when someone's just trying to get away, do they? That's when psychic trick number two comes in. I concentrate real hard, and use my mind to grab one of the guitars in this poor shmuck's path. And I use it to hit them in the fuckin' face. WHAM. Boom. Guy's just lying on the ground, jar's safe, and uh- guitar's pretty smashed up. And then I feel a tap on my shoulder. Thought it was a fuckin' cop or some jerk mad about his guitar or something, but then I turn around and see this really impressive-looking old lady. Yeah, it was Athena. She liked my spirit. Even paid for that guitar for me. Then she asked me if I had any plans for the future. Well, I didn't. But now I guess I do. Tell me about that one interesting person in your class!  Alright, so there's like a dog in class? His name's Tiberius, and I'm usually all for "ain't no rules that says a dog can't go to hero school" poo poo, but... I think he has better grades than me? And I think he knows it? He's a good dog, though. On, like the dog scale he's a thirteen out of ten. What's your favorite class? What about least favorite? Heh, 'favorite.' Nice one. They all suck. Well... okay, Art's not bad. Like it's the one thing I'm loving good at. With most classes it's just loving bullshit homework, annoying tests, and boring lectures. But in Art class, it's just doing art. And I can get art? Cause like, there's no loving rules. Anything can be art, and that owns. You just gotta feel art, and I can do that. Like, look at this painting I did. Technically it's about light, and shadows, and that crap. And when I went to paint it, the first thing I thought of was that light temple arc from Noriko. Like it had the big windows and big means of light, and the rows and rows of columns casting shadows like it's a prison cell. You had these big themes about light and darkness, freedom and imprisonment, faith and sin, and all that crap, and I kinda wanted to do something like that. And so this is pretty much my version, but with some extra stuff. Like, you see these columns here, with the rubble? I pretty much stole that from a painting I saw about ancient, ruined empires. 'Cause everything's temporary. And so I combined that to kinda put an extra spin on it? To show that things don't last, and that shadow and ruin can fall into places you don't expect. And, um... gently caress, I'm rambling... ... I mean- uh... look at this kick-rear end painting! Isn't it sick? Knocked that sucker out in a week. Got the number-one score in the entire class with it. 'Cause I'm the fuckin' best. Eat it, book nerds. Anyway, the worst class? Math. Without a fuckin' doubt. God, that class will just put me to sleep. Hate it. It's the worst. gently caress math. [Administrator's Note: Jacob currently has an A+ in Art Class, a B in Literature, and D's and F's in most of his other classes.] What do you like to do in your free time? Didn't I already answer this question? I mean, I do all that poo poo a no-good teen should do. Play the guitar, pretend to be good enough to be in a band, hang around, eat junk food, and all that crap. I mean, y'know, do whatever I feel like. Some assholes say I'm just wasting my time, but isn't that what teenagers are supposed to do? Apart from that, and the anime thing... I've been trying out sewing. Not 'cause like I care about clothes or some poo poo. But if I'm gonna cosplay as a superhero, I'm gonna try to do it right, y'know? None of this boring spandex undies-on-the-outside crap. Something real. And... I don't know what that is, yet. You got a problem with that?! New Arcadia’s a pretty sweet place, isn’t it? Tell me about that one cool place you like! Yeah, it's a pretty sweet place. I mean it's The City Of Tomorrow, right? It'd be pretty hosed up if it weren't. And there's a lot of neat future stuff here, but the place I like most...  ...would be Rat Street, the part of town where no-good teens and punks like me like to hang out. If you don't want to fit in, this is the place to be. It's got all kinds of crap that'll suit your weird taste. Weird clothes, weird music, weird food, weird overpriced knick-knacks, and so on. Just don't loving show up if you're some boring hipster or hosed-up villain, okay?! We got enough of those people there. It actually kinda pisses me off. The villains. I mean, I get it. Punk appeals to bad guys a lot more than good guys. And that'd be okay- IF IT WEREN'T FOR HOW MESSED UP AND DANGEROUS THOSE ASSHOLES ARE! I mean, I don't love the law, but you gotta have some fuckin' standards, y'know?! Shoplifting's one thing. Hell, even robbing a bank could maybe be one thing. But why the hell you always gotta bring innocent people into it with the whole fuckin' hostage thing?! That's not fighting The System, you idiots! gently caress! I swear, if I hear one more person there talking about how Evil is actually Good... Oh, I'm gonna get myself banned from a whole bunch of fuckin' stores. quote:Name: Jacob Lawson Takanago fucked around with this message at 15:17 on Jan 29, 2017 |
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Jan 24, 2017 05:05
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Jacob LawsonTardzilla posted:"Don't at me?" Is that what the kids are saying nowadays? Tardzilla posted:Anyways, you should know Athena worked pretty hard to get you accepted into the academy. She's not the type of person who would put that much effort into someone unless she believes they're truly worth it. What do you think she sees in you that most people don't? I- I don't know! What do YOU think, huh?! Maybe she just appreciated how badass I was! Yeah, how am I supposed to know?! It's not like I'm... some sort of... emotional psychic or something... I mean- I mean... gently caress. It's embarrasing, okay...?! Yeah, she worked really hard to get me in here. I mean, she pretty much had to, right? A kid like me, with my grades, with my record... there's no way I'd get in here on my own. They'd just throw my transcript in the trash and slam the door in my face. And even when she stuck up for me they still tried to. I'm... I'm glad they didn't. I mean- I mean- gently caress. If Athena didn't get me here I'd still be stuck with my parents... dealing with their bullshit day in, day out. And then they'd be right about everything... I'd really just be good for nothing. But- but- that's not what happened. Athena did help me, and now I'm here, and... I really owe for her that. Probably. gently caress, I got- I got distracted. That wasn't related to your question at all, was it? Sorry. Wait, no- I'm not sorry. gently caress you. I can have feelings sometimes. Just don't go around talking about it. Alright, you wanna know why she went so far for me? Well that's- uh. uhhh... probably a good question. I mean- she saw me hit that guy with the guitar, and she saw me save that charity jar... but that's just standard stuff. If it was anything, I'd say it was that she sees the real me? Like, I mean- gently caress. How do I explain this... It's like- I'm not a rebel for no reason. I don't actually gently caress poo poo up for the sake of loving poo poo up. I just do what feels right. And I guess a lot of times what feels right to me doesn't seem right to others. So there's a lot of people out there who just kinda dismiss me as a no-good punk. I guess I kind of am. But Athena's never treated me that way. She's very patient. Extremely patient. Ungodly patient. I've tried to rile her up tons of times, like everyone else. But she's never once gotten mad at me... I think... if I had to say something, I think she understands that I feel things? Like, more than just a regular person. And she knows that I don't back down when dumb rules or dumb people try to stop me. Tardzilla posted:For someone who likes to "stick it to the man," you sure do hate villainy a whole bunch. Is there a reason behind your strong dislike for evil? See, that's the loving problem. You're treating it like it's the same thing, but it's not, alright?! I'm not like them. Me? I do what I want. I do what feels right. I listen to my loving heart. Them? They don't HAVE a loving heart! They just do what they want, and they don't give a gently caress about what happens or who they hurt! Does that make sense? There's a loving difference! I'm exposing how arbitrary and bullshit society's rules are! You ever stop and think about how many ideas you follow everyday are just loving pretend? Laws are just loving pieces of paper! Grades too! They don't actually exist! You want proof? Just try walking out of class. No stealth, no bullshit. Just stand up. And walk out. And you know what? Nobody's going to stop you. You know why? Because you don't actually have to be there. And it's the same poo poo like that all over the place. You don't actually have to pay for music and tv shows. You don't actually have to follow traffic lights. You don't have to do poo poo. You wanna shoplift? Go ahead. You wanna jaywalk? Go ahead. It's like I said. Do what feels right. It's that loving simple. Just do what works right for you, and don't try to hurt people. Or whatever. But some people can't even loving do THAT! Can't even meet the bare loving minimum of basic human decency! They look in their hearts and they don't find poo poo! Or maybe they know what's right and they just do the opposite for kicks! They'll loving blow up skyscrapers! Take hostages! Scare the poo poo out of people! Just for fun! gently caress that! The poo poo I do? Doesn't harm nobody. Or if it does, it's- it's never too much. It's called punching up. You never hurt somebody that doesn't deserve it. You never hurt somebody that's weaker than you. Steal from the store? Sure, they've got enough money. It doesn't hurt anybody. Steal from the bank? Yeah, ok, whatever. That poo poo's insured anyway. But taking innocent people hostage? No, gently caress you. Those people didn't do poo poo. You see how it works? I will loving excuse a lot of poo poo. Hell, I know I'm not a perfect person myself. But if you are just completely heartless, well, I got no loving sympathy for you. I will fight you any day of the loving week. Oh, and before you go 'well not ALL villains are completely bad,' I'm not talking about anybody hat might have any kind of excuse. Like, if you're just repeating a cycle of trauma and tragedy because of whatever, well... I'll probably still fight you. But I won't hate you. Tardzilla posted:You've recently met a particularly nasty piece of work in Rat Street. Who are they, and how were they a problem? How did you deal with them? Oh, that person. What was their name again? It was something dumb, like...  Hellwing Babylon? But there was like, more to it. That's the real dumb part. It was like... Hellwing Babylon, the Dark Angel, Prophet of the One True Heresy, Acolyte of Ultimate Darkness. Yeah. Like imagine someone making their entrance and just shouting all of that. See, this is why I haven't chosen a hero name yet. Imagine if I went with something that dumb. God, they are a loving piece of work. I don't think I've ever seen someone so ridiculous take themselves so seriously in my entire life. It's like they're some fuckin' original character that's jumped right out of some thirteen-year-old's fan-fiction. gently caress, they probably write that kind of fan fiction. I saw them standing outside the music store. When I tried to go inside they said to me, "O, poor traveler. Do you realize you are about to step into a den of Sin? Satan has their hands upon this place, and if you enter they will have their hands on you." Who the gently caress even says poo poo like that anymore?! I just told 'em to go gently caress off. And that I'll listen to all the loving Satan music I want. And you know what? If Satan's the only one that can get me good music, then I'll Hail Satan every day! God can kiss my rear end if he thinks he can tell me what to do! And they just had this most priceless expression on their face. I don't think anyone's straight-up told them to go gently caress off before. They looked at me like I just punched their mom or kicked a baby or something. They were so loving scandalized. "How... how DARE you utter such Vulgarity and Blasphemy! In the name of Dark Heaven, I will have to make an example of you and Cleanse your Sin from these pure streets!" And they just start conjuring up these orbs of darkness, and I'm like... One, what the hell is wrong with you?! Cleansing Sin, really?! I didn't know people like that still existed! And Two, I don't even get how the hell your system of Sin and Not-Sin is even supposed to work! Like, you call yourself Hellwing Babylon, but you're still fighting Sin? For the sake of 'Dark Heaven'? What does that even mean? And Three, you're loving doing it- you're loving calling Rat Street, of all the loving places in the world, 'pure'? Like, what a loving weirdo. Honestly I think they were making all that poo poo up as they went. Or maybe it's from some big canon of fanfiction or something? I don't know. I didn't have much time to think about it. I was too busy dodging black magic and poo poo. I was actually kind of lucky that they're such a serious weirdo. 'Cause people like that? Super easy to gently caress with. Just yell a few curse words at 'em, give 'em a direct taste of anger and outrage and they just lose their composure so loving quickly. They were crying. "You... you IGNORANT FOOL! Do you not REALIZE the DARK path of DESTRUCTION you are heading down! Stop at ONCE before your SIN invites the world's DESTRUCTION!" Yeah, gently caress off rear end in a top hat. Eventually I lead them into this closed-down bar, which they totally did not want to step foot in, by the way. "Leading me from one department of Sin to another? Well don't think-" Oh, and to piss 'em off more I just started taking the leftover booze and drinking it. "How DARE you!" Yeah, called it. Someone like that? No way they'd put up with underage drinking. So I decided to up the ante, and I threw the bottle at them. Hit 'em right in the face. "Some of that...! Some of that...! Some of that got in my mouth! You're trying to force your corruption upon ME! I... I have to go cleanse myself! But don't think I'll forget this!" And then they ran away, like a scared little dumb baby. Just because they got a little alcohol in their mouth. God, if I ever turn into someone like that... just kill me. Tardzilla posted:(Bonus question) is anime real y/n Hey, I think your spam filter hosed up. Because it's sending me bullshit. loving waste of time. Isn't this a hero interview? ... It- it totally is, though. And I don't mean in that 'my hugpillow wife is totally real' way but like, gently caress, it's about as real as anything else on this loving planet. Might just be fuckin' lines and sounds on a screen, but all that was made by somebody, right? Tryin' to tell a loving story. And they put feelings into that, which are probably more real than any of the arbitrary bullshit you have to follow on any given day. I mean if the only real things are feelings, then anything with real feelings is real, right? All those episodes of Rose Princess Noriko meant something to me, so they are something. It's not like I cried over nothing... So, uh... yes. Wait, "bonus question"? I didn't have to answer it? gently caress. --- Sorry for the delay Tardzilla, and thanks for being accommodating. It's been a bit of a crazy week. Speaking of time, though, I should mention again that I'll be gone from about March 6 through the 23rd. (About two and a half weeks) That's not that far away, so I wanted to let you know and keep that in mind when you're making picks.
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Feb 4, 2017 16:48
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