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Captain Invictus
Apr 5, 2005


Clever Betty

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdyQRhbNHJw&hd=1




Web Site
What is GiantBomb?
iTunes RSS Bombcast Twitter
archive of the Best Of The Bombcast annual collections
Never miss a live show again! Tray app version for non-Chrome users.
We have a Steam Group. Feel free to join.

Post crammed full of HIGH QUALITY GIANT BOMB CONTENT LINKS

Giant Bomb is a personality based gaming website that values entertainment on at least an equal footing with presenting the facts. Once part of Whiskey Media, but now back at the company that several of them originated from, CBSi. They produce a lot of video games entertainment, and offer a premium membership at the low, low price of $5 a month! Or buy a yearly membership for 50 bucks!!!

Note that each person's name below leads to their twitter, and their Twitch/Youtube channels are listed below if they are known for using them.

The People
San Francisco Video Crew

(click for big) From left to right, Jason Oestricher, Matt Rorie, Brad Shoemaker, Jeff Gerstmann, (in the back) Drew Scanlon

Jeff Gerstmann

Jeff’s Tumblr Jeff's Twitch Channel
A founding member with Ryan, as it was his firing from Gamespot caused the creation of the site. Appears in a lot of the videos and also has a really bad habit of buying the dumbest things possible, be it Game Room or multiple copies of the same game. He serves as host of the site, as well as host of weekly premium feature, Unprofessional Fridays, among others. One of the most respected names in the industry, his integrity is without question.

Brad Shoemaker

Brad's Twitch Channel
Brad is the straight man of the group, but also takes dying to a game very rough, even in quick looks or the Breaking Brad premium content. Point in case. He hosts the Bombcast these days.

Jason Oestricher

Jason is another new hire with Dan Ryckert coming over from GameInformer. He's a video editor and also a master at Street Fighter and has a PHD in Fightmans. If you hear a voice pop in on a QL, chances are it will be Jason or Jan, telling the crew the super obvious thing they have been missing for the past 5 minutes. He is a super legit camera person and has massive IMDB credits.

Ben Pack

Ben Pack is a former intern at Giant Bomb, and after many years away, has made a triumphant return as a fully fledged member of the staff. The Gentle Giant has somehow brought DOTA 2 back to the West Coast, we will see if it brings riches or ruin to Brad and everyone.

Jan Ochoa

Jan Ochoa formerly worked on Mythbusters, and has now taken up video producing duties at GB West. He's got a real talent for video production and seems to be easing into the void Vinny left in terms of video shenanigans. Really likes Pokemon, and is a rising star in video content when he's on camera.

Matthew Rorie

Matt's Twitch ChannelProperly Petting Puppies, Matt's doggy blog
Matt Rorie was an ex-Whiskey Media team member who worked on Screened alongside Giant Bomb reviewer Alex Navarro, and has worked as a Games Guide editor at Gamespot and also as a PR Manager at Obsidian Entertainment. He now works as Community Manager at Giantbomb, ‘replacing’ Dave Snider. Has a tendency to ask questions that were literally just answered moments before.


East Coast

Vinny Caravella

Vinny’s Tumblr Vinny's Twitch Channel
Is the video producer for the site but also channels an almost contagious amount of glee when describing games or mechanics he likes. Due to this he is probably the consensus favorite for person you want in a quicklook, at least on Something Awful. He moved over to NY to raise his kids closer to family, and is now a part of the 'Dan-Vinny Quicklook Dream-Team'.

Dan Ryckert


Dan's Twitch Channel Tumblr
Dan Ryckert joined the crew in 2014, coming over from GameInformer. He is a man of mystery. The mystery is 'how the gently caress is this man even alive'? He once spent a Summer eating hotdogs off a shoebox. He lied about needing glasses to get a prescription for them, and hence ruined his eyesight to the point of needing glasses because he thought they were 'cool'. He once cooked eggshells, thinking they were the egg white. This man has a degree. Nonetheless, he is absolute gold in videos. His connections both inside the industry and out are not to be underestimated. Rumored to be a part-time wrestling manager, and lives his life by comparing things to wrestling in general.

Alex Navarro

Alex is the reviewer in the east coast. He doesn’t appear in much West Coast content. He has also handled half of the hosting duties for the Giantbomb movie podcast, as well as the Powerbombcast.

Abby Russell

Abby's been hired as a video producer for GBEAST. She's a lively and optimistic addition to the crew, though she doesn't like calzones, which makes her suspicious.

Ex-Crew Members

Ryan Davis


Handled the hosting duties of giantbomb podcast and appeared in a lot of the quick looks. Passed away July 3rd, 2013. He may be gone, but his memory lives on in hundreds of hours of content, both video and audio. Please don't discuss his cause of death, it won't do the thread any good and will just cause an argument.

Drew Scanlon


Drew's Twitch Channel
Drew was formerly the main video editor who also featured on video content. Hired immediately after his stint as Giant Bomb’s first intern, he is a fan of hardcore simulations and the quicklooks for those are always awesome. Did a Premium Endurance Run of every Metal Gear Solid game alongside Dan, as well as Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, which are all fascinating to watch, though MGSV gets a bit long in the tooth. Left the site on March 3rd to start his own traveling and gaming series.

Austin Walker

Austin Walker is the game philosophizing, mech idolitizing, wrestle ideologising former member of the East Coast crew. He is Dr. Videogames, the Black Marx, the man who is bringing great content to your front page. Hired in 2015, Austin immediately fit into the crew over there as a natural team member with Alex and Vinny, and brings to the front a lot of indie game which would otherwise go unnoticed. He left to found Waypoint(Vice Gaming) in 2016. He is a great writer and an even better personality, and has a fantastic laugh. He's also does a few things with Stream Friends as well as hosting his own tabletop roleplay podcast, Friends at the Table.

Patrick Klepek

Patrick's Twitch Channel Patrick's Youtube Channel Patrick’s Tumblr
Ex-news editor of the site. He left to become the Senior News Editor at Kotaku, and now works at Waypoint with Austin. He used to feature in a lot of content, from Bombcasts to Quick Looks, often of stuff that would otherwise get overlooked. He also created the Interview Dumptruck, which were raw recordings of live interviews with the industry dropped onto the site for you to listen to. I'll miss his content.

Alexis Gallisá

Former site designer for Giant Bomb. He built a lot of the designs of the site. A massive fan of Halo. Also nearly died eating 100 chicken nuggets one time for a Big Live Live Show. He now works for Twitch.

Dave Snider

Hardcore Dave was the lead Designer of Giant Bomb. He is a huge pc gamer who seems to be drawn to weird european games. He left Giantbomb after the new site was in a good enough working shape to focus on his family and other projects, such as Webhook.

What is on the site



Quick Looks: The main site content, these often run ten minutes to hour and half long videos showcasing gameplay of games. For the most part these are generally good, but there are some stinkers out there. QL EX tend to have a person from the developres, which can either be really great (Double Fine) or really awful (Sonic Racing).

The Giant Bombcast and Giant Beastcast: the two main podcasts on the site, the Giant Bombcast is far and away the most-consumed content GB produces, and I believe is still the #1 most-listened-to video game podcast on the internet. This generally stars Jeff, Brad, Jason and Drew. The Giant Beastcast meanwhile is the East Coast podcast and stars Vinny, Alex, and Dan.

Endurance Run: Giant Bomb has done multiple Endurance Runs to date, they are LP style video contents from the start of the game to the end. The first was Persona, then there was a dual endurance run with Deadly Premonition, and then the third covered Chrono Trigger. Lately they have done other full playthroughs of games including Shenmue, Metal Gear Solid 1-5 and Revengeance, multiple Castlevanias, the Megaman series, and others. These have been premium content.



Subscriber Content

Metal Gear Scanlon: Drew Scanlon, who never played or knew much about Metal Gear, plays through the entire series with copilot Dan Ryckert.

Blue Bombin' and VinnyVania: Alex plays through the Megaman series, while Vinny plays through the Castlevania series, respectively.

Random PC: Name says it all, just them playing a random old PC game.

Load Our Last Save: Resuming years old X-Box saves. Haven't had a new entry in a long while, so it might not be coming back. I miss it.

Jar Time: Jeff answering questions from the community.

Breaking Brad: Brad trying to earn a hard to obtain achievements and failing miserably.

Unprofessional Fridays: Weekly in house games display, in which each SF staff member will bring in a game of their choice to play live on the internet for our viewing pleasure. Often involves beer and laughs. Typically runs for 2-3 hours, depending on how long or how crazy the games being shown are.

The POWERBOMBCAST: The official Giantbomb wrasslin’ podcast, hosted by Alex, featuring Jeff Gerstmann, Jared Rea, Giancarlo Varinini


Just who are these guests?

Giant Bomb is known for it's cast, but also for the deep connections the cast has to the rest of the industry. With these connections, they often pull in guests for bombcasts, livestreams or panel shows, many of whom you might not know if you have not followed them for years.

Here are the most frequent guests:

Danny O'Dwyer

Danny O'Dwyer is formerly Gamespot's lead Irishman and has appeared in a lot of Giant Bomb content, as well as guested on the podcast numerous times. He co-hosts premium podcast Alt-F1 with Drew. He currently runs NoClip, his personal documentary series on video games, with some great documentaries already up on his youtube channel.

Mary Kish

These images say a lot about Mary Kish. She was a producer over at Gamespot. She also pops up from time to time over on GB and is really funny. Also GB need to steal her for their team because she rules. Left Gamespot in January of 2017 and now works alongside former coworker Alexis Gallisa at Twitch.

Will Smith

When Whiskey started Tested, so came Will Smith. Ex-writer for PC Gamer magazine, Will worked for Tested, a devoted tech news site and podcast, which used to be recorded in the same ramshackle basement as the bombcast. It was acquired by Adam Savage, and while he enjoyed working with Adam for a while, struck out to try new things with Foo. With the rocky release of VR as a platform, time will tell how it works out for him.

Dave Lang
Iron Galaxy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCW7ucvmobw
Lang's Podcast, GFBRadio, which is very fun
Dave Lang is the man. He is the former CEO of Iron Galaxy. gently caress Dave Lang

John Vignocchi

From Midway, to Vogster to executive producer at Disney Interactive, to vagrant John Vignocchi is a long time friend of the crew and the site. Once guested on the Bombcast without even realising it. Whereabouts unknown after the collapse of Disney's gaming division.

Adam Boyes

Adam Boyes used to be a tester for EA, was the Head of Publisher Relations at Sony Computer Entertainment America, and now is CEO of Iron Galaxy. Talk about climbing the ladder and then falling off at the top. He also turned up to the E3 2013 podcasts with a real PS4 before release like it was nothing.

John T. Drake

Diet Coke drinkin', Just Dancin'Dance... Centraling(?), Disney game pushin' John T. Drake is a friend of the site who often makes appearances in E3 and PAX content. He used to work PR for Harmonix, however, he now works as 'Director, Portfolio Strategy' for Playstation. Has a dark history with Dan.

If there is anything that you would like to see added to either this OP, or the second post, drop me a PM and I will get on it. I want to try to keep this relevant and up to date.

Captain Invictus fucked around with this message at Feb 4, 2019 around 08:30

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sleepwalkers
Dec 7, 2008




mikeycp
Nov 24, 2010

I've changed a lot since I started hanging with Sonic, but I can't depend on him forever. I know I can do this by myself! Okay, Eggman! Bring it on!

Toxxupation posted:

If I do this for you, you owe me.

Here's my attempt.


The story opens with the main protagonist, John Egbert, getting ready to receive the SBURB beta, on April 13, 2009. SBURB is, in-fiction to the Homestuck universe, an MMO that revolves around a server player playing a combination Minecraft/Sims cooperative game with the session player, who plays an action-rpg. This is in real life, so the player goes around beating up bad guys, gaining levels, and getting materials he or she then gives to their server player, who crafts stuff out of it.

Complicating matters more fully is the fact that as soon as the first player enters their session, an apocalyptic, world-ending scenario begins due to the sburb "game" beginning. John and his three friends, Dave Strider, Jade Harley, and Rose Lalonde, then have to hurry (as the earth is being destroyed due to meteors) to get everyone into each session, but as aforementioned in order to enter the session one needs both a server player and the session player, meaning everyone has to serve as both session and server player to somebody else. In addition, it's heavily implied that it's impossible to be the session player to your own session player, so they have to come up with a chain of people entering their sessions in a specific order so all four get in.

In order to actually "enter" the session, a player needs to create a catalyst that, when destroyed, allows them to actually enter the session- the TRUE game they are playing. In order to do that, they need to create and prototype a sprite, which essentially serves as a guardian for the session player. The sprite can interact with and has a special relationship with the session player, so the four main kids prototype their sprite with the dead body of someone they are familiar with. John prototypes his grandma, Dave uses a bird he accidentally killed and feels shame over killing, Rose throws in her dead cat which she loves. Jade...tries to throw in the body of her dead grampa, but runs out of time, and her living dog Bec is then forced to prototype himself in order to save Jade's life. This is really bad, because Bec is an avatar of the Green Sun, basically the creator of the universe, and is thus essentially a god.

Anyways, the four kids- John, Dave, Jade, and Rose - all enter the session, which is in Skaia. Skaia is a battleground that resembles a chessboard, a planet of eternal conflict between two moons that circle overhead - Prospit and Derse. The races that inhabit either side are white or black pawns, chess pieces for each moon.

SBURB is revealed to not be a game, but actually a universe destruction/creation myth abstracted out via gameification. It chooses some number of participants, who all enter Skaia, triggering the session. The session culminates in the conflict between Prospit and Derse, which black always wins. If and when Derse wins, the universe is destroyed, and all the players lose. Thus, it's the intention of SBURB players to force a Prospit win. If they do that, then their universe is still destroyed, but instead they become creators of a new one- living gods.

To that end, all the players in the session have dreamselves. Half reside on Prospit, and the other half on Derse - light and dark, creation and destruction, blah blah blah. If players die in the game, in the session, the dreamselves act as a 1-UP, saving their lives and giving them a second chance. But that's not the power of the dreamself - if the player in question dies in a specific way, on their questbed, if the dreamself is still alive then it gives the typical 1-UP, but instead the player becomes god tier - and gains powers to match. Each god tier is good at one specific thing, and there's usually a creation/destruction duality to them - prospit god tiers create, derse god tiers typically destroy. Jade's dreamself is killed.

Players in the session need the god tiers, because the queens of each moon- Prospit and Derse - have rings, and those rings give them the power, when worn, to gain all the abilities of everything that had been prototyped up to that point. Because Jade had her god dog prototyped, this basically gives both of the queens the ability to shape reality, an unbeatable ability.

Jack Noir, a Derse pawn, eventually gets so fed up with his queen that he straight-up kills her, then wears her ring. This turns him into Bec Noir - in every version of SBURB there's a version of Jack Noir, and he always tries to kill the queen (whom he hates) and steals her ring. This is a problem, to be sure, but it's an expected one. Unfortunately, the addition of Bec to the prototyping is unique to the main session, and as a result Bec Noir becomes far more powerful than he should be far too early, utterly destroying all the other royalty and literally everyone else besides the main four kids.

While all this is going on, the four main kids are going through their own paths. They're all on separate worlds, so communicate with each other via IM clients, forum posts, and text - and along the way they're mercilessly trolled by a group of 12 assholes who insist they will fail at every step of the way. Each kid has one aspect that they're naturally good at- John's is Breath, Dave's is Time, Jade's is Space, and Rose's is Mind. To that end, Dave is then visited by his own future self, who comes from a doomed timeline where both John and Jade died. Future Dave then prototypes himself with present Dave's sprite (the sprites can prototype twice) and becomes Davesprite, and thus advises Dave on how to prevent the Dark future.

---

John is contacted by an unusually helpful one of the trolls who tells him the exact way to kill his denizen (which is like, the miniboss of the world it really doesn't matter at all). He goes off and does that, but is prevented at the last minute by Davesprite, who basically warns him that this is how he's killed in the future. Naturally suspicious of the trolls, he then is informed by a different, self-centered one about how god tiers work and all that. He decides to trust this one anyways, and becomes the first one of the kids to go god tier. He then retrieves Jade's stuffed dreamself corpse (with his god tier powers now including flight) and prototypes it with the Bec sprite, thus creating Jadesprite.

Then Bec Noir basically destroys everything and everyone, as aforementioned. The act ends, and cuts away to a distant planet...

... Called Alternia. Here, it is revealed that the 12 assholes who were trolling the four main kids were actual literal trolls, from a totally different universe. The most important one, and deuteragonist of this story, is Karkat Vantas, who's basically John if he were a miserable rear end in a top hat. This is all a prequel to Homestuck (dubbed Hivebent), and the trolls- who all wear shirts with astrological signs on them - get a copy of the MMO SGRUB. It's SBURB, but with 12 players over 4. A whole bunch of bullshit happens, but basically the trolls do the whole "Trigger apocalypse, whatever" bit but, instead, they come from a warrior planet where the only known thing is conflict, so they're all unusually prepared for the actual session. Despite their prototypes being their lusus (which are their guardians, all enormously powerful beasts), and despite facing off against a twelve-prototyped endboss over a four-prototyped one, and despite that virtually no players from this session end up able to go god tier, they beat the black king and get ready to enter the universe they created, to rule it as gods. When they're about to finally reach the door...Bec Noir arrives, destroys the door, and forces them all to hide out in space. Bec Noir, with the power of the green sun, was able to jump universes and time to the exact moment when the trolls should've won their session and prevented it. As a result, the trolls aren't able to visit the universe they created.

Our own.

Yeah, the trolls from Hivebent created the universe of the main four kids, and the only evidence of their influence is the constellations that end up forming, and the subsequent astrological signs based off the same.

So, when they were trolling the kids they were doing so not just to be assholes, but from a desperate, knowingly ineffectual causative time loop. Creating the universe creates the kids, who create bec noir, who destroys the trolls' chance at a true victory.

Back to the kids. The kids, after realizing who and what the trolls are, decide to orchestrate a plan to have everyone - all 16 kids - meet up and reset the game. They can't win, because Bec Noir is too powerful - but what they can do is orchestrate a "scratch", which like a scratch on a record (or a disc, for, say, a video game) would "freeze" the session and allow them to reboot it. They can't win, so instead of losing what they'll do is basically punt it and hope for a better second try.

As an aside, there's this extremely long intermission where an alternate-universe jack noir (spades slick) and the members of his midnight crew (a gang) go off to kill the felt (a gang with a whole bunch of time powers modelled after pool balls). This isn't really relevant but the important thing is that the leader of the gang is Lord English, and the second-in-command is a sentient pool ball named Doc Scratch.

To extend out the pool analogy, Doc Scratch only can appear in universes that "scratch", that sink the pool ball into a pocket. That intentionally reset the universe like the kids are doing. Because the kids did that, Doc Scratch becomes able to summon his master, Lord English, who goes from universe to universe destroying them after he is summoned. He is the True Big Bad of Homestuck.
---
Okay, back to the main four. John clones and sends back baby versions of the main four kids (thus creating another causative time loop) and, in addition, clones of John's grandma (Jane Crocker) Dave's brother (Dirk Strider), Rose's Mom (Roxy Lalonde) and Jade's grandfather (Jake English). The four other children - these alpha kids - are sent off to a different universe, which is the universe that the 16 main characters are escaping to.

Jade dies on her quest bed, and because her dreamself (as Jadesprite) is still alive it merges with herself, meaning Jade inherits the green sun powers that made Bec Noir. With those powers combined with her god tier, she basically becomes the most powerful player in the game and sends herself and her 15 friends, combined with copies of the beta kids' worlds and all of their inhabitants, on a ship that zooms to the end of the universe.

Andrew Hussie (yes, the creator of this comic) places the fourth wall of the beta kids' universe and the fourth wall of the alpha kids' universe three feet away from each other. Spurred on by Jade's powers, the ship bursts through the fourth wall of the universe and travels to the fourth wall of the alphas' universe. This process takes roughly three years of time.

Bec Noir decides to follow the kids. A female Prospit pawn, named PM, gets the white queen's ring (remember, there's two of them and they both have the exact powers), puts it on, and becomes Bec White. She chases down and attempts to kill Bec Noir, which is what prevents him from being able to destroy the ship the kids are escaping on.

In the interim, a whole bunch of trolls are killed off by one who goes insane and believes himself to be a prophet for the coming destruction of the universe, led by Lord English. OF the ones that remain, one (Kanaya) begins a romantic relationship with Rose, despite the former being a vampire. Kanaya has a special task, being given an egg that can reproduce the troll race. Unfortunately, it's destroyed by the insane guy. Terezi (the female troll who accidentally killed John in a doomed timeline by luring him to face his denizen too early) and Dave begin dating. This pisses Karkat, who's a weird self-involved and neurotic piece of poo poo with bad rage and self-esteem issues, off, because he always had a crush on Terezi and can't stand Dave. Dave and Karkat begin bickering. Vriska (who's the self-involved female troll who told John about god tiers) kills off a troll she liked because she's a self-involved rear end in a top hat and that's what she does. This, combined with the crazy dude who goes insane, causes Terezi to mistakenly believe that Vriska has, in fact, killed off everyone else when she only killed off the one dude. Terezi and Vriska confront each other, with Vriska revealing that she, in fact, was one of only two trolls to go god tier - the other of which being Aradia, who's completely loving pointless to the story. God tiers are special, in that they can't die under any conventional circumstances - the death has to be either just or heroic, any other death doesn't take. Unless they're fighting Lord English, in which case he ignores that rule anyways.

Vriska taunts Terezi, insisting that she can't kill her. Terezi does.
---

The alpha kids' session begins. The alpha kids, in direct contrast to their beta counterparts, are prone to infighting and end up entering a session where nobody's sprites get prototyped. As a result, Skaia never exists, and as a result there is no Prospit or Derse. Without a Prospit or Derse, there's no conflict, and therefore the alpha kids can't win. They can't lose, either, but they can't win. The alpha kids are a bunch of miserable hateful assholes and nothing of relevance happens for literally thousands of pages until they all experience emotional catharsis by admitting how much of worthless assholes they are. Seriously, I'm not joking.

The beta kids and the remaining alive trolls enter the alpha kids' session and set up shop, chased close behind by both Becs, Noir and White. The audience learns that there was a beta troll session as well, with basically all the twelve trolls recreating a Jesus parable with Karkat at the center. It really, really, REALLY doesn't matter, but the supreme leader of the troll race ends up revealing herself to be Her Imperial Condesce, who wants to dominate the new universe that the beta kids escaped to because her old one was destroyed by the twelve trolls playing SGRUB. Again, none of this loving matters, but the Condesce follows the kids to this alpha session and sets up shop ready to kill everyone and start anew.


---
The trolls encounter dreambubbles, which are false or hypothetical realities where things went differently. They were all unsuccessful, and everyone in them is dead - they're ghosts, essentially, of alternate reality versions of themselves. Them meet the ancestor trolls, as dead teens (again, none of this loving matters, but that's twelve brand-new characters to introduce). Most importantly, the leader of the ancestor trolls is a female troll named Meenah, the kid version of HIC. She's a total rear end in a top hat but actually kind of awesome. The troll ancestor version of Vriska is also there, named Aranea. She's a full-of-herself bloviating idiot, and her and Meenah decide to try and help the beta kids/alpha trolls if possible.

The alpha kids are helped by their own trolls, two who both end up using the same thirteenth, aprocyphal astrological sign of Ophiuchus. One is a hateful, misogynistic, idiotic male troll and the other is a sweet and polite and helpful female troll. they're both boring idiots though, the male being a totally pointless loser and the female being really boring and generically "nice". She reveals her name to eventually be Calliope, with his being Calliborn. She ends up revealing that neither she nor her brother are in fact trolls - they're cherub, which is a third alien race where two minds inhabit the same body at birth. One dominates the other, killing the sibling, with that personality then controlling the body permanently (over a time-share thing where one mind is dominant while the order is dormant). Calliborn, who desperately wants to kill his sister, eventually does so via a literally Saw parody with attendant music. In the process he cuts his own leg off - Lord English, for reference, has a stump leg.


---
The alpha and beta kids eventually team up, both Becs come along, the Condesce arrives. The insane troll who killed all the other trolls escapes and tries to summon Lord English. Spades Slick shows up via a convoluted series of events that really, truly, doesn't loving matter. Everyone gets ready to fight, only for Aranea to arrive and mind-control Jane (whose special power is to bring people back to life no matter what) and has Jane revive her. Aranea ruins everything, mind-controls Jake, who kills Jade under her command, and basically everyone gets killed off except John, Roxy, and a (dying) Terezi.

Terezi comes up with a final plan - have John go back in time (thus going back to the pre-scratch universe, it's a special power that only John has) and change several significant events within them, thus retconning them permanently. Chiefly, he prevents Terezi from ever entering into a relationship with Dave (which prevents him and Karkat's conflict), Terezi from ever thinking that Vriska actually committed the murders she thought Vriska did (preventing Terezi from killing her, and Vriska then prevents Aranea from loving everything up), and...I think that's it? I honestly don't remember. Kanaya never dies and thus becomes a vampire, and she never loses the egg because instead of Terezi thinking Vriska did everything they capture and tie up the insane troll who actually committed almost all the murders. In this retconned world Vriska and Terezi become best friends again, working to resolve issues, Karkat and Dave end up dating and entering a serious relationship, and Rose doesn't fall into alcoholism (oh, yeah, pre-retcon she's an alcoholic).

---
Dead Vriska, from pre-retcon, enters into a relationship with Meenah, becoming (Vriska). (Vriska) is actualized and relatively happy, having abandoned a need to prove herself that dominates her living form. Vriska, the alive and post-retcon one, arrives and convinces Meenah to assemble an army of the millions of alternate versions of the trolls that all died, creating a ghost army to fight Lord English first-hand. Meenah and (Vriska) break up and (Vriska), heartbroken, wanders aimlessly. Eventually, she meets pre-retcon dead Terezi, or (Terezi), and the two of them make peace with each other after death.

Vriska and Terezi team up and plan an attack to kill off the like, fifteen threats currently in existence. It's needlessly convoluted but basically relies on each of them splitting up into groups of three to four and dealing with each disparate problem as they arrive. Calliborn creates his "masterpiece", which is him breaking the fourth wall and taking agency away from Andrew Hussie as narrator to explain that at some point the alpha and beta kids fight him as Lord English (who he eventually becomes), he wins against them, and eventually imprisons the beta kids in a chest. Why does this work and what does it mean? I don't loving know!

A future, alternate-universe Calliope arrives, one where she dominated Calliborn and won and became I guess "Lady" English instead. She leaves to go to the green sun and with her insane deus ex machina powers stop Lord English or whatever.


---
In the final couple hundred pages Hussies introduces a bunch of double-prototyped sprites, who are totally pointless and worthless and not necessary. One of them is Davesprite merged with one of the female trolls, Nepeta, who makes Davepetapsrite, who explains in increasingly desperate tones that actually all versions of a being are, in fact, centrally connected to each other despite none of that making any loving sense and directly contradictory to a bunch of previous plot elements. But whatever, now for the finale battle

The kids fight according to plan and it goes absolutely perfectly, except Dave (who has hangups with his brother, Bro, who was an emotionally and physically abusive piece of poo poo as evidenced by the total garbageness of his clone, Dirk) has to behead Dirk in a moment of massive catharsis for Dave...except it's undone as it's happening, because future Daves come back to save Dirk and Jane revives him literally five pages later. All the threats who aren't Lord English are beaten or killed. PM (formerly Bec White) grabs hold of both rings and destroys them. Vriska retrieves the chest that imprisoned the beta kids and opens it, thus beating Lord English. I don't know how, and I don't know why or even what the chest did, because this all happens offscreen.

The kids birth a new universe, and enter it, having won. Or maybe they didn't, considering that Lord English imprisoned them and it's unknown if they actually beat him or he killed them. Or if the new universe is in fact a dreambubble (a function previously established to be illusory and so realistic as to be near-impossible to tell). Nobody receives any actual resolution to their arcs or anything besides, arguably, Terezi and Roxy, and that was done hundreds of pages and at least a year previously. Nothing is resolved, nothing is explained, none of the myriad plot points introduced get addressed, skipping from "Vriska is about to confront Lord English with the ghost army" to "they either won or didn't and either way here's an idyllic scene of some of the main characters playing frisbee".

my buddy Superfly
Feb 28, 2011



Captain Invictus
Apr 5, 2005


Clever Betty

rip chicken

THIS WILL BE THE POST OF GOOD CONTENT IN THE FUTURE!!!!

GOOD GIANT BOMB CONTENT:

Brutakas posted:

Some of my favorites


Premium Stuff:

Another Person posted:



I am new to Giant Bomb. Where should I start listening to the bombcast from?
I would recommend just picking up from the current date, listening to a couple of episodes and then working your way back a few episodes, and if you then decide you really like this podcast do whatever you want. Go from the start, pick randoms out, anything. This is the sort of show you can pick up at any point and still be fine - the news will obviously be old but the way it is presented is probably timeless. The first episode is here. Be aware that everything before 07-02-13 will have Ryan in, which may come as a shock if you are used to listening to podcasts without him in now.

Years of weekly bombcasts too much for you?
This Year Collections has you covered with collections of highlights by the year, as well as collections of The Hotspot, the podcast Jeff+co were whilst at Gamespot.

2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 Ryan Davis Memorial Special 2013

Hotspot 2005 Hotspot 2006 Hotspot 2007

Youtube user thepunishert also uploads clips of the bombcast all the time. Playlist 1 Playlist 2

Got a favourite member and want to watch videos with them in? You can now, with the QLcrew tool. It allows you to select who you want to see, and who you want to avoid.

Recommended video links:

Old TNTs (not on the site archives) and older events like the first Big Live Show and End of the X-Box Can be found here.

Non-subscriber videos to watch:

Endurance Run: (Giant Bomb link goes to the first episode, Youtube is a playlist of all episodes)
Persona 4 (Jeff & Vinny) Youtube Playlist Download Link to all Persona 4 Endurance Run Videos for the lazy
Deadly Premonition (Jeff & Vinny) Youtube Playlist
Deadly Premonition (Brad & Ryan) Youtube Playlist
Chrono Trigger (Patrick & Ryan) Youtube Playlist

Gameroom:
Playlist of all Gameroom videos. - Also watch this video below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSZNELa52iU

Quick Looks:



New Super Mario Bros Wii U
Ravaged
WWE 13
Natural Selection EX (included for being a cool EX, a rarity)
Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy! (starring Brad Muir!)
007 Legends
NBA Baller Beats
Check Vs. Mate (alternately, the TNT waiting room)
Double Fine Happy Action Television (alternately, Kinect Party)
Sleeping Dogs
Sleeping Dogs: Nightmare in North Point
Kerbal Space Program
Stay Dead
Rollercoaster Rampage
Hotline Miami
Press Your Luck 2010 Edition
Xbox Live Indie Games
Happy Action Theater
New Super Mario Bros Wii
Pac-Man CE DX
Wipeout: The Game
Jackie Chan Fist of Fire
Apples to Apples
Again
Darkest of Days
James Cameron's Avatar the Game
Story Hour Adventures
U Draw Tablet
Buzz Quiz World
Crash Time
Bejeweled 3
Leisure Suit Larry Box Office Bust
A-10c Warthog
Chu Chu Rocket
APB All Points Bulletin
Jurassic: The Hunted
Catherine
Stronghold
Hollywood Squares
Duke Nukem Forever
1000000 Pyramid
Railworks
Railworks - Trains vs Zombies
Family Fued 2010 Edition
Afrika
Wappy Dog
Trenched
TrenchedIron Brigade - Rise of the Martian Bear
Call of Juarez the Cartel
Family Fued 2012 Edition
Price is Right 2010 Edition
Price is Right Decades
Hulk Hogans Main Event
Who Wants to be a Millionaire 2012 Edition
Motorbike
Ride to Hell: Retribution
Game and Wario
UnEpic
Prison Architect
Way of the Dogg
MLB '13
Arma III Alpha
Arma III Release
Sleeping Dogs: Year of the Snake
Sleeping Dogs: Wheels of Fury
Crysis 3
Angelica Weaver
Westerado
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Sleeping Dogs: Zodiac Tournament
Miasmata
Dragon Ball Z: Budokai Collection
Toejam and Earl
Aerofly FS
Rogue Warrior
Cry of Fear
Madden NFL 25
Samurai Gunn
Barbie Dream House
Ashes Cricket
Super Mario 3D World
Bridge Constructor
Hatsune Miku: Project Diva F

A regularly updated list of funniest quicklooks

Best of Ryan Davis Collection

Farming Simulator 2013
Tokyo Crash Mobs
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Ship Simulator Extreme
Kinect Nat Geo
Multimdia Celebrity Poker
Farming Simulator 2011
Kinectimals: Now With Bears
Self Defense Training Camp (kick'em in the dick)
Creeper Cam
Ryan Davis schools some Gamespot Fools on Quoted for Truth
Pokemon Snap
TANG Super Mario Bros.
Time Trotters: Night Trap
GOTY 2011: Day 1 Recap
Noby Noby Boy
Garshap The Monster Slayer
Medieval Moves: Deadmunds Quest
Fast Draw Showdown & Mad Dog McCree
Motion Sports
The Brown Eye: Chains of Satinav




Random Videos

Matrix Online: Not Like This - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Finale
There is Another: The End of Star Wars Galaxies - Part 1 & Part 2
Set Phasers To Fun - Star Trek Online Beta - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
2010's Holiday Retro Stream - Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3
2011 Holiday Retro Stream - Part 1 Part 2
The Olympiad Part 1 Part 2 Stream 2 Pt. 1 Stream 2 Pt. 2
Iceland Travelogue
Iceland CRF
The Freedom Stream
E3 2013: The Longest Day
DSi XL Unboxing
Dodgy Kong Mailbag
A boatload of old PC games Mailbag
Red Scanlon Mailbag
The Mailbag where Brad wears a pink visibility jacket
Hostess With the Mostess: Giantbomb receives 775 Twinkies




Subscriber videos to watch:

TNT: (note non-subscribers can watch them here.
3DOdown also on jtv
Cards against Humanity (also Star Trek Online) also on jtv
Random PC Games also on jtv
Dead Island also on jtv
Fortune Street: Part 1 Part 2
The History of the Lang Zone
Brad Muir Life Story

Random PC
Phantasmogoria Part 1 & Part 2
Ripper
SWAT
Crusader: No Remorse
Wing Commander III

Load Our Last Souls
Episode 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Post Souls Tribute

Breaking Brad
Breaking Brad: Call of Duty 4 Mile High ClubPart 1 & Part 2
Breaking Brad: Doom II Ultra-Violence Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
Geometry Wars 1,000,000
Volgarr the Viking Part 2 Part 3

Backflips 'N' Bioforge
Original Unpro Fri Slot Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Vinnyvania
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
Simon's Quest - The Ballad of Barkerville

Mario Party Party
Mario Party 1
Mario Party 2
Mario Party 3 (NOBODY WINS)
Mario Party 4 Part 1 Part 2

Giantbomb Unplugged - Tabletop Adventures
Pathfinder - The Last Canadians Part 2 Part 3

Best of Unprofessional Fridays
SAM SITE SIM LIFE
A Dog's (poo poo) Life
Lego Island
Vinny's Second Life Shenanigans (last 30 mins)

Random One Off Streams
Welcome Back Tricaster Part 1 & Part 2
Skyrim Pre-Show: MorrowindPart 1 & Part 2 also on jtv
SNES Party Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3
Warlords Cash Game also on jtv
How a Livestream is Made
Vinny Plays Some GTA V
Giant Bomb's Somewhat Longer Than Average Free Friday Send-Off Show!

Console Conference Clusterfuck Commentary
PS4 Reveal
XBOX ONE Reveal
Sony Gamescom

XBONE'D Up Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

In the age of instant information a thread is not fast enough for me. Where can I chat about Giantbomb?

Here. You can connect to it via regular irc on #giantbomb over SynIrc.

Think something should be in the OP somewhere or other, or spot some broken BBCode/spelling errors? PM me or post in this thread and I will get on it. I want to try and keep this up to date if I can.


Captain Invictus fucked around with this message at Feb 5, 2017 around 21:41

CharlieFoxtrot
Mar 26, 2007





https://twitter.com/austin_walker/s...332857714061312

Captain Invictus
Apr 5, 2005


Clever Betty

I see you there, mikeycp depths and hace. don't think I don't see you there

Bloody Hedgehog
Dec 12, 2003

Gotta nuke something.


This is the anime thread, I assume?

Captain Invictus
Apr 5, 2005


Clever Betty

Yes. Which means it's the giant bomb thread, because giant bomb has been the true anime all along.

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

BROTHER I WANT YOU TO JOIN THE DSA AND SUBSCRIBE TO THE AWARD WINNING WWE NETWORK FOR ONLY $9.99 A MONTH


Hope the OP gets updated for current stuff rather than just a copy and paste of the last thread, but then again I shouldn't judge since I'm really lazy.

Captain Invictus
Apr 5, 2005


Clever Betty

I edited it a little bit in regards to staff but if folks want to post recommendations I'll stick'em in like AP did for the previous op

Depths
Apr 15, 2009

SENPAI


If I do this for you, you owe me.

Here's my attempt.


The story opens with the main protagonist, John Egbert, getting ready to receive the SBURB beta, on April 13, 2009. SBURB is, in-fiction to the Homestuck universe, an MMO that revolves around a server player playing a combination Minecraft/Sims cooperative game with the session player, who plays an action-rpg. This is in real life, so the player goes around beating up bad guys, gaining levels, and getting materials he or she then gives to their server player, who crafts stuff out of it.

Complicating matters more fully is the fact that as soon as the first player enters their session, an apocalyptic, world-ending scenario begins due to the sburb "game" beginning. John and his three friends, Dave Strider, Jade Harley, and Rose Lalonde, then have to hurry (as the earth is being destroyed due to meteors) to get everyone into each session, but as aforementioned in order to enter the session one needs both a server player and the session player, meaning everyone has to serve as both session and server player to somebody else. In addition, it's heavily implied that it's impossible to be the session player to your own session player, so they have to come up with a chain of people entering their sessions in a specific order so all four get in.

In order to actually "enter" the session, a player needs to create a catalyst that, when destroyed, allows them to actually enter the session- the TRUE game they are playing. In order to do that, they need to create and prototype a sprite, which essentially serves as a guardian for the session player. The sprite can interact with and has a special relationship with the session player, so the four main kids prototype their sprite with the dead body of someone they are familiar with. John prototypes his grandma, Dave uses a bird he accidentally killed and feels shame over killing, Rose throws in her dead cat which she loves. Jade...tries to throw in the body of her dead grampa, but runs out of time, and her living dog Bec is then forced to prototype himself in order to save Jade's life. This is really bad, because Bec is an avatar of the Green Sun, basically the creator of the universe, and is thus essentially a god.

Anyways, the four kids- John, Dave, Jade, and Rose - all enter the session, which is in Skaia. Skaia is a battleground that resembles a chessboard, a planet of eternal conflict between two moons that circle overhead - Prospit and Derse. The races that inhabit either side are white or black pawns, chess pieces for each moon.

SBURB is revealed to not be a game, but actually a universe destruction/creation myth abstracted out via gameification. It chooses some number of participants, who all enter Skaia, triggering the session. The session culminates in the conflict between Prospit and Derse, which black always wins. If and when Derse wins, the universe is destroyed, and all the players lose. Thus, it's the intention of SBURB players to force a Prospit win. If they do that, then their universe is still destroyed, but instead they become creators of a new one- living gods.

To that end, all the players in the session have dreamselves. Half reside on Prospit, and the other half on Derse - light and dark, creation and destruction, blah blah blah. If players die in the game, in the session, the dreamselves act as a 1-UP, saving their lives and giving them a second chance. But that's not the power of the dreamself - if the player in question dies in a specific way, on their questbed, if the dreamself is still alive then it gives the typical 1-UP, but instead the player becomes god tier - and gains powers to match. Each god tier is good at one specific thing, and there's usually a creation/destruction duality to them - prospit god tiers create, derse god tiers typically destroy. Jade's dreamself is killed.

Players in the session need the god tiers, because the queens of each moon- Prospit and Derse - have rings, and those rings give them the power, when worn, to gain all the abilities of everything that had been prototyped up to that point. Because Jade had her god dog prototyped, this basically gives both of the queens the ability to shape reality, an unbeatable ability.

Jack Noir, a Derse pawn, eventually gets so fed up with his queen that he straight-up kills her, then wears her ring. This turns him into Bec Noir - in every version of SBURB there's a version of Jack Noir, and he always tries to kill the queen (whom he hates) and steals her ring. This is a problem, to be sure, but it's an expected one. Unfortunately, the addition of Bec to the prototyping is unique to the main session, and as a result Bec Noir becomes far more powerful than he should be far too early, utterly destroying all the other royalty and literally everyone else besides the main four kids.

While all this is going on, the four main kids are going through their own paths. They're all on separate worlds, so communicate with each other via IM clients, forum posts, and text - and along the way they're mercilessly trolled by a group of 12 assholes who insist they will fail at every step of the way. Each kid has one aspect that they're naturally good at- John's is Breath, Dave's is Time, Jade's is Space, and Rose's is Mind. To that end, Dave is then visited by his own future self, who comes from a doomed timeline where both John and Jade died. Future Dave then prototypes himself with present Dave's sprite (the sprites can prototype twice) and becomes Davesprite, and thus advises Dave on how to prevent the Dark future.

---

John is contacted by an unusually helpful one of the trolls who tells him the exact way to kill his denizen (which is like, the miniboss of the world it really doesn't matter at all). He goes off and does that, but is prevented at the last minute by Davesprite, who basically warns him that this is how he's killed in the future. Naturally suspicious of the trolls, he then is informed by a different, self-centered one about how god tiers work and all that. He decides to trust this one anyways, and becomes the first one of the kids to go god tier. He then retrieves Jade's stuffed dreamself corpse (with his god tier powers now including flight) and prototypes it with the Bec sprite, thus creating Jadesprite.

Then Bec Noir basically destroys everything and everyone, as aforementioned. The act ends, and cuts away to a distant planet...

... Called Alternia. Here, it is revealed that the 12 assholes who were trolling the four main kids were actual literal trolls, from a totally different universe. The most important one, and deuteragonist of this story, is Karkat Vantas, who's basically John if he were a miserable rear end in a top hat. This is all a prequel to Homestuck (dubbed Hivebent), and the trolls- who all wear shirts with astrological signs on them - get a copy of the MMO SGRUB. It's SBURB, but with 12 players over 4. A whole bunch of bullshit happens, but basically the trolls do the whole "Trigger apocalypse, whatever" bit but, instead, they come from a warrior planet where the only known thing is conflict, so they're all unusually prepared for the actual session. Despite their prototypes being their lusus (which are their guardians, all enormously powerful beasts), and despite facing off against a twelve-prototyped endboss over a four-prototyped one, and despite that virtually no players from this session end up able to go god tier, they beat the black king and get ready to enter the universe they created, to rule it as gods. When they're about to finally reach the door...Bec Noir arrives, destroys the door, and forces them all to hide out in space. Bec Noir, with the power of the green sun, was able to jump universes and time to the exact moment when the trolls should've won their session and prevented it. As a result, the trolls aren't able to visit the universe they created.

Our own.

Yeah, the trolls from Hivebent created the universe of the main four kids, and the only evidence of their influence is the constellations that end up forming, and the subsequent astrological signs based off the same.

So, when they were trolling the kids they were doing so not just to be assholes, but from a desperate, knowingly ineffectual causative time loop. Creating the universe creates the kids, who create bec noir, who destroys the trolls' chance at a true victory.

Back to the kids. The kids, after realizing who and what the trolls are, decide to orchestrate a plan to have everyone - all 16 kids - meet up and reset the game. They can't win, because Bec Noir is too powerful - but what they can do is orchestrate a "scratch", which like a scratch on a record (or a disc, for, say, a video game) would "freeze" the session and allow them to reboot it. They can't win, so instead of losing what they'll do is basically punt it and hope for a better second try.

As an aside, there's this extremely long intermission where an alternate-universe jack noir (spades slick) and the members of his midnight crew (a gang) go off to kill the felt (a gang with a whole bunch of time powers modelled after pool balls). This isn't really relevant but the important thing is that the leader of the gang is Lord English, and the second-in-command is a sentient pool ball named Doc Scratch.

To extend out the pool analogy, Doc Scratch only can appear in universes that "scratch", that sink the pool ball into a pocket. That intentionally reset the universe like the kids are doing. Because the kids did that, Doc Scratch becomes able to summon his master, Lord English, who goes from universe to universe destroying them after he is summoned. He is the True Big Bad of Homestuck.
---
Okay, back to the main four. John clones and sends back baby versions of the main four kids (thus creating another causative time loop) and, in addition, clones of John's grandma (Jane Crocker) Dave's brother (Dirk Strider), Rose's Mom (Roxy Lalonde) and Jade's grandfather (Jake English). The four other children - these alpha kids - are sent off to a different universe, which is the universe that the 16 main characters are escaping to.

Jade dies on her quest bed, and because her dreamself (as Jadesprite) is still alive it merges with herself, meaning Jade inherits the green sun powers that made Bec Noir. With those powers combined with her god tier, she basically becomes the most powerful player in the game and sends herself and her 15 friends, combined with copies of the beta kids' worlds and all of their inhabitants, on a ship that zooms to the end of the universe.

Andrew Hussie (yes, the creator of this comic) places the fourth wall of the beta kids' universe and the fourth wall of the alpha kids' universe three feet away from each other. Spurred on by Jade's powers, the ship bursts through the fourth wall of the universe and travels to the fourth wall of the alphas' universe. This process takes roughly three years of time.

Bec Noir decides to follow the kids. A female Prospit pawn, named PM, gets the white queen's ring (remember, there's two of them and they both have the exact powers), puts it on, and becomes Bec White. She chases down and attempts to kill Bec Noir, which is what prevents him from being able to destroy the ship the kids are escaping on.

In the interim, a whole bunch of trolls are killed off by one who goes insane and believes himself to be a prophet for the coming destruction of the universe, led by Lord English. OF the ones that remain, one (Kanaya) begins a romantic relationship with Rose, despite the former being a vampire. Kanaya has a special task, being given an egg that can reproduce the troll race. Unfortunately, it's destroyed by the insane guy. Terezi (the female troll who accidentally killed John in a doomed timeline by luring him to face his denizen too early) and Dave begin dating. This pisses Karkat, who's a weird self-involved and neurotic piece of poo poo with bad rage and self-esteem issues, off, because he always had a crush on Terezi and can't stand Dave. Dave and Karkat begin bickering. Vriska (who's the self-involved female troll who told John about god tiers) kills off a troll she liked because she's a self-involved rear end in a top hat and that's what she does. This, combined with the crazy dude who goes insane, causes Terezi to mistakenly believe that Vriska has, in fact, killed off everyone else when she only killed off the one dude. Terezi and Vriska confront each other, with Vriska revealing that she, in fact, was one of only two trolls to go god tier - the other of which being Aradia, who's completely loving pointless to the story. God tiers are special, in that they can't die under any conventional circumstances - the death has to be either just or heroic, any other death doesn't take. Unless they're fighting Lord English, in which case he ignores that rule anyways.

Vriska taunts Terezi, insisting that she can't kill her. Terezi does.
---

The alpha kids' session begins. The alpha kids, in direct contrast to their beta counterparts, are prone to infighting and end up entering a session where nobody's sprites get prototyped. As a result, Skaia never exists, and as a result there is no Prospit or Derse. Without a Prospit or Derse, there's no conflict, and therefore the alpha kids can't win. They can't lose, either, but they can't win. The alpha kids are a bunch of miserable hateful assholes and nothing of relevance happens for literally thousands of pages until they all experience emotional catharsis by admitting how much of worthless assholes they are. Seriously, I'm not joking.

The beta kids and the remaining alive trolls enter the alpha kids' session and set up shop, chased close behind by both Becs, Noir and White. The audience learns that there was a beta troll session as well, with basically all the twelve trolls recreating a Jesus parable with Karkat at the center. It really, really, REALLY doesn't matter, but the supreme leader of the troll race ends up revealing herself to be Her Imperial Condesce, who wants to dominate the new universe that the beta kids escaped to because her old one was destroyed by the twelve trolls playing SGRUB. Again, none of this loving matters, but the Condesce follows the kids to this alpha session and sets up shop ready to kill everyone and start anew.


---
The trolls encounter dreambubbles, which are false or hypothetical realities where things went differently. They were all unsuccessful, and everyone in them is dead - they're ghosts, essentially, of alternate reality versions of themselves. Them meet the ancestor trolls, as dead teens (again, none of this loving matters, but that's twelve brand-new characters to introduce). Most importantly, the leader of the ancestor trolls is a female troll named Meenah, the kid version of HIC. She's a total rear end in a top hat but actually kind of awesome. The troll ancestor version of Vriska is also there, named Aranea. She's a full-of-herself bloviating idiot, and her and Meenah decide to try and help the beta kids/alpha trolls if possible.

The alpha kids are helped by their own trolls, two who both end up using the same thirteenth, aprocyphal astrological sign of Ophiuchus. One is a hateful, misogynistic, idiotic male troll and the other is a sweet and polite and helpful female troll. they're both boring idiots though, the male being a totally pointless loser and the female being really boring and generically "nice". She reveals her name to eventually be Calliope, with his being Calliborn. She ends up revealing that neither she nor her brother are in fact trolls - they're cherub, which is a third alien race where two minds inhabit the same body at birth. One dominates the other, killing the sibling, with that personality then controlling the body permanently (over a time-share thing where one mind is dominant while the order is dormant). Calliborn, who desperately wants to kill his sister, eventually does so via a literally Saw parody with attendant music. In the process he cuts his own leg off - Lord English, for reference, has a stump leg.


---
The alpha and beta kids eventually team up, both Becs come along, the Condesce arrives. The insane troll who killed all the other trolls escapes and tries to summon Lord English. Spades Slick shows up via a convoluted series of events that really, truly, doesn't loving matter. Everyone gets ready to fight, only for Aranea to arrive and mind-control Jane (whose special power is to bring people back to life no matter what) and has Jane revive her. Aranea ruins everything, mind-controls Jake, who kills Jade under her command, and basically everyone gets killed off except John, Roxy, and a (dying) Terezi.

Terezi comes up with a final plan - have John go back in time (thus going back to the pre-scratch universe, it's a special power that only John has) and change several significant events within them, thus retconning them permanently. Chiefly, he prevents Terezi from ever entering into a relationship with Dave (which prevents him and Karkat's conflict), Terezi from ever thinking that Vriska actually committed the murders she thought Vriska did (preventing Terezi from killing her, and Vriska then prevents Aranea from loving everything up), and...I think that's it? I honestly don't remember. Kanaya never dies and thus becomes a vampire, and she never loses the egg because instead of Terezi thinking Vriska did everything they capture and tie up the insane troll who actually committed almost all the murders. In this retconned world Vriska and Terezi become best friends again, working to resolve issues, Karkat and Dave end up dating and entering a serious relationship, and Rose doesn't fall into alcoholism (oh, yeah, pre-retcon she's an alcoholic).

---
Dead Vriska, from pre-retcon, enters into a relationship with Meenah, becoming (Vriska). (Vriska) is actualized and relatively happy, having abandoned a need to prove herself that dominates her living form. Vriska, the alive and post-retcon one, arrives and convinces Meenah to assemble an army of the millions of alternate versions of the trolls that all died, creating a ghost army to fight Lord English first-hand. Meenah and (Vriska) break up and (Vriska), heartbroken, wanders aimlessly. Eventually, she meets pre-retcon dead Terezi, or (Terezi), and the two of them make peace with each other after death.

Vriska and Terezi team up and plan an attack to kill off the like, fifteen threats currently in existence. It's needlessly convoluted but basically relies on each of them splitting up into groups of three to four and dealing with each disparate problem as they arrive. Calliborn creates his "masterpiece", which is him breaking the fourth wall and taking agency away from Andrew Hussie as narrator to explain that at some point the alpha and beta kids fight him as Lord English (who he eventually becomes), he wins against them, and eventually imprisons the beta kids in a chest. Why does this work and what does it mean? I don't loving know!

A future, alternate-universe Calliope arrives, one where she dominated Calliborn and won and became I guess "Lady" English instead. She leaves to go to the green sun and with her insane deus ex machina powers stop Lord English or whatever.


---
In the final couple hundred pages Hussies introduces a bunch of double-prototyped sprites, who are totally pointless and worthless and not necessary. One of them is Davesprite merged with one of the female trolls, Nepeta, who makes Davepetapsrite, who explains in increasingly desperate tones that actually all versions of a being are, in fact, centrally connected to each other despite none of that making any loving sense and directly contradictory to a bunch of previous plot elements. But whatever, now for the finale battle

The kids fight according to plan and it goes absolutely perfectly, except Dave (who has hangups with his brother, Bro, who was an emotionally and physically abusive piece of poo poo as evidenced by the total garbageness of his clone, Dirk) has to behead Dirk in a moment of massive catharsis for Dave...except it's undone as it's happening, because future Daves come back to save Dirk and Jane revives him literally five pages later. All the threats who aren't Lord English are beaten or killed. PM (formerly Bec White) grabs hold of both rings and destroys them. Vriska retrieves the chest that imprisoned the beta kids and opens it, thus beating Lord English. I don't know how, and I don't know why or even what the chest did, because this all happens offscreen.

The kids birth a new universe, and enter it, having won. Or maybe they didn't, considering that Lord English imprisoned them and it's unknown if they actually beat him or he killed them. Or if the new universe is in fact a dreambubble (a function previously established to be illusory and so realistic as to be near-impossible to tell). Nobody receives any actual resolution to their arcs or anything besides, arguably, Terezi and Roxy, and that was done hundreds of pages and at least a year previously. Nothing is resolved, nothing is explained, none of the myriad plot points introduced get addressed, skipping from "Vriska is about to confront Lord English with the ghost army" to "they either won or didn't and either way here's an idyllic scene of some of the main characters playing frisbee".

Dezinus
Jun 4, 2006

How unsightly.


Brad Shoemaker is a senior editor of Giant Bomb, and a former editor for GameSpot. He is the third and current host of the Giant Bombcast.

Rhonne
Feb 13, 2012

Do you want to know what we do to artists?

Who will survive the Giantbomb.com thread wars!?

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

BROTHER I WANT YOU TO JOIN THE DSA AND SUBSCRIBE TO THE AWARD WINNING WWE NETWORK FOR ONLY $9.99 A MONTH


Isn't Adam Boyes' the CEO of Iron Galaxy now

And Johnny V is no longer working with Disney Interactive

Also whats a good image of David Lang to capture the essence that is Dave Lang other than literally the first image of the OP

CharlieFoxtrot
Mar 26, 2007




Dezinus posted:

Brad Shoemaker is a senior editor of Giant Bomb, and a former editor for GameSpot. He is the third and current host of the Giant Bombcast.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xV-bs5r1qpg

The Unnamed One
Jan 13, 2012

"BOOM!"

achillesforever6 posted:

Isn't Adam Boyes' the CEO of Iron Galaxy now

And Johnny V is no longer working with Disney Interactive

Also whats a good image of David Lang to capture the essence that is Dave Lang other than literally the first image of the OP

http://imgur.com/a/Nd0UW

Crying Jordan, like everything, just adds to it

The Unnamed One fucked around with this message at Jan 20, 2017 around 02:53

Dezinus
Jun 4, 2006

How unsightly.


achillesforever6 posted:

Also whats a good image of David Lang to capture the essence that is Dave Lang other than literally the first image of the OP

CharlieFoxtrot
Mar 26, 2007




achillesforever6 posted:

Also whats a good image of David Lang to capture the essence that is Dave Lang other than literally the first image of the OP

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCW7ucvmobw

cat doter
Jul 27, 2006



gonna need more cheese...australia has a lot of crackers

gas

Captain Invictus
Apr 5, 2005


Clever Betty

Dezinus posted:

Brad Shoemaker is a senior editor of Giant Bomb, and a former editor for GameSpot. He is the third and current host of the Giant Bombcast.


brad shoemaker is a man of many faces and hairstyles







Captain Invictus
Apr 5, 2005


Clever Betty

you make a convincing argument

I have appropriately edited the relevant informations.

Captain Invictus fucked around with this message at Jan 20, 2017 around 02:59

Fawf
Nov 5, 2009

It's Me, It's Me, It's DDD

Captain Invictus posted:

brad shoemaker is a man of many faces and hairstyles
missed one

Mordiceius
Nov 10, 2007


Ground floor.

Bloody Hedgehog
Dec 12, 2003

Gotta nuke something.



Brad always regrets those three whirlwind months when he joined the IRA.

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008



Let's try to make this one less awful than the last one.

cat doter
Jul 27, 2006



gonna need more cheese...australia has a lot of crackers

Vince MechMahon posted:

Let's try to make this one less awful than the last one.

you just posted in it tho

ImPureAwesome
Sep 6, 2007

the king of the beach


Vince MechMahon posted:

Let's try to make this one less awful than the last one.

Good luck

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008



cat doter posted:

you just posted in it tho

Do as I say, not as I do, motha fucka.

CharlieFoxtrot
Mar 26, 2007




Fawf posted:

missed one



Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008



If I didn't have so much other poo poo coming out soon I'd probably get Yakuza 0.

Captain Invictus
Apr 5, 2005


Clever Betty

Vince MechMahon posted:

If I didn't have so much other poo poo coming out soon I'd probably get Yakuza 0.

Stop posting and you'd stem the flow a bit.

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008



Captain Invictus posted:

Stop posting and you'd stem the flow a bit.

Oh no, I've been hoisted on my own posting petard.

101
Oct 15, 2012


Vault Dweller


Giant Bomb is a pretty cool website about video games

You Am I
May 20, 2001

I will decide who posts John Howard pictures in this thread and the circumstances in which they post.


Hey Captain Invictus, you could update Jason's profile, since he does have developed a bit of an on screen personality (like hating Dan's guts)

Soul Glo
Aug 27, 2003

Just let it shine through


AP why you close last thread

why

Rhonne
Feb 13, 2012

Do you want to know what we do to artists?

Soul Glo posted:

AP why you close last thread

why

To sow the seeds of chaos I assume.

Soul Glo
Aug 27, 2003

Just let it shine through


Rhonne posted:

To sow the seeds of chaos I assume.

I don't like this new one.

It smells like anime.

Arms_Akimbo
Sep 29, 2006

It's so damn...literal.

So we need to bring a six pack of wine coolers and a pack of condoms with us to post in this thread?

Adbot
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Soul Glo
Aug 27, 2003

Just let it shine through


Arms_Akimbo posted:

So we need to bring a six pack of wine coolers and a pack of condoms with us to post in this thread?

It helps, tbh

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