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Instead of implying something bad is going to happen, jump right into the thick of it. Maybe start with the judge's gavel pounding the sound block. What heinous crime did the accused commit? Are they really guilty? Was their lawyer corrupt, or just bad at his job? Your characters can still have their argument, but maybe it's in a dirty holding cell (before or after) surrounded by screaming inmates, or in a rocky police van as they're being transported to/from court. Maybe they can see protest signs through the window of the van or from their cell. Fight Club starts with talking, but introduces the Narrator with a gun in his mouth. You can have your conversations, just make them interesting. I imagine magazine article readers have a much shorter attention span than book readers, so you have to grab them immediately.
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Mar 19, 2024 18:16
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Cephas posted:Without knowing your story, I would say, can you conceptualize your "starting off a great character dynamic" as a scene or vignette with a clear narrative arc? (Are they physically doing something?) Oh , I actually posted the story here: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=4056660. Looking for feedback and will do one last good think before submitting. I'll think about the music metaphor. Right now I would say I have a tune at the start, which repeats in the middle, and turns into a dark reprisal at the end. Waffle! posted:Instead of implying something bad is going to happen, jump right into the thick of it. Maybe start with the judge's gavel pounding the sound block. What heinous crime did the accused commit? Are they really guilty? Was their lawyer corrupt, or just bad at his job? Your characters can still have their argument, but maybe it's in a dirty holding cell (before or after) surrounded by screaming inmates, or in a rocky police van as they're being transported to/from court. Maybe they can see protest signs through the window of the van or from their cell. My issue with jumping right into the thick of it, is its characters you know nothing about, and don't care about, making a big decision. I don't want to jump to the big decision, and then have to backtrack giving backstory and details. All good advice though! Gonna step back and do some thinking.
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Mar 19, 2024 21:26
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hello everyone i'm going to attempt to frankenstein some romance fantasy litrpg to life in hopes of crumbing together KU sales. here is a very brief prologue, this thread reminding me some significant and scary population of readers skip them, from being too weighty i assume. anyway be rough with me it's ok  quote:“Three dragons, dead--a result of the pauldron mounted, sword wielding warrior erect before them. From left to right: the spice of the country, the mountain’s crest, and the seadevil--all laid still, their essence pooling down and besides each corpse. A helmet twisted off to reveal netted gold, then released into a blanket the wind chose as playmate. She knelt and prayed to the forces that enabled her conquest--most living, many slain. Dark above yielded to the blades of light powered by yellow twins in the sky, an infestation of gray gone soon after exposing the stolen blue of the ocean, below a great flat topped mountain jutting out from the sea. Trees lined its sides out of pattern--the fight had seen to some. Surrounding, a great variety of plane, forest, and mesa blocked one half the horizon, the other stretching across waves yet traveled. It had been one task to arrive and another to survive--a subsequent generation would burden exploration. The woman sheathed her stained blade and returned to the village with dragon blood on their hands. Following a brutal winter in a blur of months after, the warrior--recovered and emboldened--led a variety of families and caravans through swaths of hostile lands dominated by monsters and uncooperative clans. Her word became weighted in all hearts to see through the journey, great bleached bones resting atop the future of Tometown.
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Mar 21, 2024 17:31
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cumpantry posted:hello everyone i'm going to attempt to frankenstein some romance fantasy litrpg to life in hopes of crumbing together KU sales. here is a very brief prologue, this thread reminding me some significant and scary population of readers skip them, from being too weighty i assume. anyway be rough with me it's ok one wears pauldrons, not mounts them. the way your text reads the warrior is standing on top of shoulder armor.
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Mar 21, 2024 17:35
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LOL... i see. thank you for stopping me from publishing that line. i mean Mars
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Mar 21, 2024 17:36
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cumpantry posted:hello everyone i'm going to attempt to frankenstein some romance fantasy litrpg to life in hopes of crumbing together KU sales. here is a very brief prologue, this thread reminding me some significant and scary population of readers skip them, from being too weighty i assume. anyway be rough with me it's ok Got big clash of clans, settlers, knights and merchants, etc. vibes off this.
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Mar 21, 2024 17:37
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the more closely I read it the more confused I get. have you read much litrpg? I have not but the stuff I've glanced at is not written nearly such flowery style.
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Mar 21, 2024 17:44
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i have tried... a good portion seems written by children. maybe this style will help it stand out? or alienate it...
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Mar 21, 2024 17:53
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“Three dragons, dead--a result of the pauldron mounted, sword wielding warrior erect before them. I'd add a hyphen to sword-wielding. also, erect? From left to right: the spice of the country, the mountain’s crest, and the seadevil--all laid still, their essence pooling down and besides each corpse. I don't know what to make of describing a dragon as "the spice of the country". also beside, not besides Dark above yielded to the blades of light powered by yellow twins in the sky, an infestation of gray gone soon after exposing the stolen blue of the ocean, below a great flat topped mountain jutting out from the sea. stolen blue? also I'd add a hyphen for flat-topped Trees lined its sides out of pattern--the fight had seen to some. some what? Surrounding, a great variety of plane, forest, and mesa blocked one half the horizon, the other stretching across waves yet traveled. seems a strange place for Boeing to appear, but they're going through it these days It had been one task to arrive and another to survive--a subsequent generation would burden exploration. burden seems out of place here. you burden something with something else. The woman sheathed her stained blade and returned to the village with dragon blood on their hands. the village killed the dragons? I thought she did. cool if it's a preferred pronoun usage thing, but even so confusing Following a brutal winter in a blur of months after, the warrior--recovered and emboldened--led a variety of families and caravans through swaths of hostile lands dominated by monsters and uncooperative clans. this should start a new paragraph. also, we've left the village, mountain and gone through the hostile lands? can we still see the mountain? the mountain and the sea are our only geographical reference points. Her word became weighted in all hearts to see through the journey, great bleached bones resting atop the future of Tometown. the two clauses of this sentence don't appear to be connected. or are her words bleached bones? Bridge complete, the construction effort after became welcome to a variety of merchants, traders, all varieties of visitors all distinctly different. what bridge? was the bridge the journey through the hostile lands? With its population booming, more trees fell to shacks and shanties of modest effort. the "of modest effort" got a "huh?" from me, seems out of place in the rest. Their vast, naturally protected farmlands granted an enormous boost to the local economy, its hosts ensuring all who entered Tometown left with lighter pockets. again, these seem separate ideas. Floyd Tome, a natural leader, took the reins of the city from the warrior following a popular, if unofficial, tenure. his name was on the town but he wasn't the first leader? He cared little for fight unlike his somewhat distracted predecessor. this is the first we're hearing of distraction following the dragon thing He paid more attention to the powder of his scalp than the people of the town--but this did not necessarily result in a quiet campaign. necessarily? campaign? also he seems more distracted than the heroine. Speechcraft abilities unparalleled, many merchants found their ears chatted off and themselves involved in trade agreements they could not recall the circumstances leading to after, a summary of his strange charisma. extremely confusing to parse, especially given all the other confusion surrounding Another population boom brought a reconstruction of what had fast become dilapidated--the buildings erected in their place made heavy use of clay imports resulting in architecture present even today. real fast shift to something else after we've spent a few sentences on Floyd. is he coming back? Little is clear from what history survives, but a simple compare-and-contrast cements Tometown as an unrelenting force in farming, its agricultural exports unending, its accumulated wealth secured and reinvested. OK no more Floyd. seems like plenty of history survives? not sure what the beginning of this sentence is trying to achieve. It is little wonder the expansion grew to the sides of the great pillar, wood and rock reinforcing many a foundation of homes along stone. stone vs rock? also is the pillar the mountain from earlier? we've got a mountain coming out of the ocean and a town taking up all the space available. what happened to the hostile lands? An interesting dock culture grew from these neighborhoods, further traders arriving often by boat and accommodated for--infrastructure; a place for their boats, a bar. what was interesting about it? In recent years the booming births have brought Tometown to what modern day politicians argue a crisis. how so? As of the time of writing, an official body governs the city state and its affairs to varying degrees of success--who the question is aimed towards matters greatly concerning. "government sometimes works, and how much depends on who you ask" - is there ever a situation this is incorrect? Regardless, the communities wrapped around and atop the natural tower in the sea produce an exciting culture driving tourism in no ignorable amount--immigration as well, another frequent topic of debate. OK, are you gonna say more about this frequent topic of debate? In any case, many lands fill this as of yet mastered world, and of the places to be, to see, to spend, to live and breathe, one can easily melt into the hot pot of Tometown--only unstiffening its unspoken requirement.” regardless, in any case, lotta this kind stuff. many lands? I thought the city had grown to reach the pillar itself and it was a mountain jutting out of the sea? if you're talking about the hostile lands, you say the world is as of yet mastered - are they no longer hostile? also, what requirement? -- Mars Blender III, (248--), cartographer, journeywoman, daughter Fate Accomplice fucked around with this message at 19:07 on Mar 21, 2024 |
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Mar 21, 2024 18:30
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cumpantry posted:“Three dragons, dead--a result of the pauldron mounted, sword wielding warrior erect before them. From left to right: the spice of the country, the mountain’s crest, and the seadevil--all laid still, their essence pooling down and besides each corpse. A helmet twisted off to reveal netted gold, then released into a blanket the wind chose as playmate. I'm having a hard time parsing what the subject is in the 2nd sentence. I don't know what we are referencing when we say "From left to right" because the last "Subject" was the warrior. This is confusing. Then in the third sentence I think you switch the subject again. You go from: Focus on warrior, Focus on Three Dragons, Focus on warrior. Also, the prose is turning purple real fast. Funny Rewrite (Ignore the mounting, and instead focus on how I don't change the subject suddenly.) Three bodies lay on the ground. From left to right: the spice of the country, the mountain’s crest, and the seadevil--all laid still, their essence pooling down and besides each corpse. The result of the pauldron mounting, wheel barrow riding, warrior who stood erect before them. A helmet mounted off to reveal mounted netted gold, then the gold turned into a blanket that the wind chose as a playmate.
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Mar 21, 2024 19:01
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cumpantry posted:hello everyone i'm going to attempt to frankenstein some romance fantasy litrpg to life in hopes of crumbing together KU sales. here is a very brief prologue, this thread reminding me some significant and scary population of readers skip them, from being too weighty i assume. anyway be rough with me it's ok I gave it a shot, my comments prefixed with hyphens https://pastebin.com/5DGpivRX
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Mar 21, 2024 20:56
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cumpantry posted:i have tried... a good portion seems written by children. maybe this style will help it stand out? or alienate it... If you're planning on selling anything, you might want to read successful examples of the genre you plan on writing. Setting aside the 'litrpg' part (this doesn't read at all like litrpg), this reads like someone trying to write fantasy who has never read fantasy.
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Mar 21, 2024 20:59
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Uranium Phoenix posted:If you're planning on selling anything, you might want to read successful examples of the genre you plan on writing. Setting aside the 'litrpg' part (this doesn't read at all like litrpg), this reads like someone trying to write fantasy who has never read fantasy.
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Mar 21, 2024 21:28
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cumpantry posted:KU sales. My snarky advice is if you are focused on selling your book in KU, focus more on frequent publications, your socials and developing a following than on writing a "Good" book.
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Mar 21, 2024 21:44
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cumpantry posted:hello everyone i'm going to attempt to frankenstein some romance fantasy litrpg to life in hopes of crumbing together KU sales. here is a very brief prologue, this thread reminding me some significant and scary population of readers skip them, from being too weighty i assume. anyway be rough with me it's ok This is like the absolute exemplar of the terrible type of prologue everyone hates. A terribly overwrought travelogue entry about a town with a name that lands with a dull thud. There is nothing here to care about coated in a thick layer of florid prose so abstruse it seems like you don’t actually know what words mean. cumpantry posted:i have tried... a good portion seems written by children. maybe this style will help it stand out? or alienate it... The latter, my dude. No one will read this. The eyes slide right off the page. What are you even doing, just taking the piss? litrpg is popular because it’s cheeseburgers for rpg nerds. They’re not eagerly waiting for someone to “elevate the genre” with a pseudo-literary attempt to sound like Fritz Lieber without his prose mastery or a breath of his charm If you could make sure every word is actually doing what it’s supposed to other than being a stumbling block for the brain and eyeballs, and infuse it with more charm than disdain for a genre you don’t even read, you might have something. But sorry, dude, this is not it.
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Mar 21, 2024 23:37
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cumpantry posted:hello everyone i'm going to attempt to frankenstein some romance fantasy litrpg to life in hopes of crumbing together KU sales. here is a very brief prologue, this thread reminding me some significant and scary population of readers skip them, from being too weighty i assume. anyway be rough with me it's ok Turn it down like 4 notches and maybe compare this to the beginning of something you, personally, really like and find engaging.
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Mar 22, 2024 00:13
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i am surprised theres hatred for the genre seeping through my words so visibly. it really hasn't been the intention, it's not like i don't enjoy The Hobbit, i play Morrowind and Oblivion. i've enjoyed the very thorough examinations provided by Fate Accomplice and Mewse, and DropTheAnvil dropping the anvil. i've been reworking based on their words but Stuporstar is making me think it should be thrown out completely. chapter 1 follows a maid being fired by her employer navigating Tometown home on foot. is it worth posting a snippet for an animosity check? but yes Uranium Phoenix you nail it i've only read The Hobbit and the Redwall series growing up and otherwise my exposure's the slice of childish writing mentioned + trying Rothfuss which was not working out for me
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Mar 22, 2024 00:32
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and The Once and Future King which i didnt appreciate at the time but have come to remember weirdly, fondly. i'm due a reread
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Mar 22, 2024 00:34
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I would suggest just focusing on basic prose structure before worrying too much about anything else. Try reading your stuff aloud to yourself—it will probably be tedious and exhausting. It shouldn't be! Consider this often quoted but nonetheless very good piece of Gary Provost advice: quote:“This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.”
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Mar 22, 2024 00:35
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cumpantry posted:i've been reworking based on their words but Stuporstar is making me think it should be thrown out completely. chapter 1 follows a maid being fired by her employer navigating Tometown home on foot. is it worth posting a snippet for an animosity check? Just write the book. It'll probably be bad, but that's fine. Finishing your bad book will really help you. Here's a good video on the subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UW4Y3svkA8
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Mar 22, 2024 00:39
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cumpantry posted:i am surprised theres hatred for the genre seeping through my words so visibly. it really hasn't been the intention, it's not like i don't enjoy The Hobbit, i play Morrowind and Oblivion. i've enjoyed the very thorough examinations provided by Fate Accomplice and Mewse, and DropTheAnvil dropping the anvil. i've been reworking based on their words but Stuporstar is making me think it should be thrown out completely. chapter 1 follows a maid being fired by her employer navigating Tometown home on foot. is it worth posting a snippet for an animosity check? To be less dismissive… The disdain comes more from thinking you can write good fantasy without having read much of it at all, just because poo poo sells that is terrible. I get the “I can do better than that” impulse, but if you’re saying that out of a place of ignorance (like not reading much of the genre), that’s pure hubris and it shows. As for scrapping it, I’d say throw the prologue out and start from chapter 1. No one needs to know the town’s origin (or cares) before the book starts. Also read more fantasy. Read good fantasy. Forget Rothfuss and other poo poo that sucks. If you want the kinda fantasy that inspired RPGs then read Fritz Leiber’s Fafard and the Grey Mouser series. If you want the best written fantasy then read Ursula K Leguin. If you want fun fantasy then Terry Prachett. You’re not gonna get the feel for prose from video games and movies (as great as Morrowind is)—you have to read widely to write well. Also you don’t have to worry about writing well for your first draft. Focus on getting the events on the page as clearly as you can. Worry about style in later drafts. And don’t be afraid to try out different styles—if they don’t work, then scrap that and try something else. Revising is often total rewriting. Think about your tone and what effect you want to achieve. If you want your prose to feel poetic, then study a bit of poetry. For example, one of the things your attempted style seems to be trying to do is mimicking the feel of Old English poetry (the Tolkien influence showing)—except you’re trying to bend metaphors into shape without understanding their grain or composition. You need to know about things like kennings—compound words used as epithets like “whale-road” for ocean (in Beowulf). These were used in alliterative poetry so you could invent a new word for something that fit the scheme. But if you’re doing that, you have to pick words that work in a clever way rather than making unfortunate bumbles that make people go, “huh?” And also you need to pay attention to the musicality of your phrases and how they fit together in your sentences and paragraphs to turn them into music, otherwise your wall of metaphors turns into an eye-glazing drone. Read your words out loud to find the music and rhythm in them. But if, on the other hand, you want to write fun story that doesn’t read like crap, then study comic writers instead and their patter. If your tone doesn’t match your intent, it simply doesn’t work. Think about these things, but don’t fret too hard about them during the first draft. Experiment if you want, but be willing to toss failed experiments out. And again, I can’t say this enough, read read read Stuporstar fucked around with this message at 01:54 on Mar 22, 2024 |
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Mar 22, 2024 01:50
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My writer's group prompt for the month was: "Write a scene describing something without sight." You can too if you want, who cares. I went spooky  Feedback is always gud.It was another balmy evening, and The Good Pet was bustling. The ale was flowing, the bard was singing, and the bar was crowded elbow to elbow. Patrons, travelers, thieves, and scum alike were here to spend their coin, gamble, and drink away the night. Four burly men in leather, furs, and a week's worth of dirt sat at a table hunched over their grog. Three of them were known highwaymen and hired thugs, while the fourth sitting across from them was the local menace. The muscle, the murderer, the Mad Marlon. Legend has it he once decked the Watch Captain with his left fist, and their horse with his right. Nothing grew in his shadow but the misery and suffering of others. He was in rare form tonight, cackling and gloating to his associates with a tall mug in one paw, and making grabby motions at the barmaids with the other. "Easiest job I've ever done, boys!" He grinned with rotten teeth, "I finally dug my way into that warehouse by the docks. Bashed in a crate, and found this little beauty!" He held up a thick, braided chain of gold, and from it hung a dazzling pendant. It depicted the face of a local amphibian, with rubies for eyes and long, curled fangs jutting outward from its mouth. "Is that - " One of the thugs started. "Hideous?" Marlon cut him off, "Aye, and probably magic, too!" He laughed and curled a huge bicep. "Just like me!" Candlelight flickered in the pendant's ruby eyes, and they... turned. Outside the wind picked up and the usual chirps of nighttime insects went quiet. Even the town strays stopped barking. The tavern bard's voice cracked and became a harsh whisper in the middle of his chorus. His eyes panicked and he put a hand to his throat, but the song was over. The wind howled and hurled itself against the tavern, until all the windows exploded glass everywhere! A tempest of cold air rushed into the building and swirled to extinguish all the candles and hearth fire. It dissipated and all that remained was an eerie silence. And darkness. Heavy, methodical footsteps thumped outside, and the door slowly creaked open. Ragged, muffled breaths rasped at a steady rhythm, and the dreaded footsteps hunted deeper into the tavern. The patrons held their breath and made themselves small, shrinking into the corners and under the tables. Someone let out a startled yelp, and struggled as chairs tipped and scattered across the floor. They choked and flailed, and a flurry of heavy blows thudded against something solid and unyielding. The ragged breathing got faster and louder as the other person was throttled and gasped for air. Suddenly, a crash of something heavy landed with a wet, sickening slush into a chair. There was a silent pause, and the ragged breathing turned into a long exhale before the footsteps thumped back out into the night. The tavern candles and hearth reignited themselves, and a barmaid screamed. Mad Marlon's body was slumped over the table, with his eyes wide and neck twisted at an unnatural angle. Something gurgled and croaked, and from his mouth emerged fat, bulbous toads. A pantheon of deities were crossed by the other patrons, and the three brigands were still sitting at the table in shock. All they could do was repeat the same three words: "Mama" "Bu" "Fo" "Bufo" is the scientific class name for poisonous toads. The bard got a figurative "frog in his throat," while Marlon got a literal one. And the 3 guys might be a reference to the "Bud. Weis. Er." frogs, but that was just a happy coincidence. And don't mess with anything that has "Aku" demon fangs. Waffle! fucked around with this message at 03:59 on Mar 22, 2024 |
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Mar 22, 2024 02:42
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Stuporstar posted:Also read more fantasy...If you want the best written fantasy then read Ursula K Leguin. But in any case, quote:I can’t say this enough, read read read
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Mar 22, 2024 14:33
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Yeah it took me too long to realize that, while "Fantasy" is often used to mean "Tolkienesque" it absolutely is far broader than that. See also a lot of Neil Gaiman's work.
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Mar 22, 2024 15:12
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cumpantry posted:hello everyone i'm going to attempt to frankenstein some romance fantasy litrpg to life in hopes of crumbing together KU sales. here is a very brief prologue, this thread reminding me some significant and scary population of readers skip them, from being too weighty i assume. anyway be rough with me it's ok You've already got a ton of line crits so I'm gonna go high level here. Stuporstar posted:As for scrapping it, I’d say throw the prologue out and start from chapter 1. No one needs to know the town’s origin (or cares) before the book starts. cumpantry posted:i've been reworking...but Stuporstar is making me think it should be thrown out completely. What is the narrative purpose of your prologue? You've written it in a flowery "literary" style but it's not until you get to the last line that you realize this is supposed to be an extract of an in-world text. Okay, fine—which text? Who is the author of said text, Mars Blender III, besides the three things you've listed? Why are they writing this passage about Tometown in this text? What can I get about the setting, the character/s, the conflict, the tone, etc from this prologue that can't be more easily achieved in Chapter 1? What am I, as a reader, supposed to take away from this prologue? You've spent 605 words to tell me "Tometown began with a warrior woman who slew three dragons (as part of a conquest? Unclear, because normally you stay put after conquest to rule said conquered lands, not abandon them to journey off somewhere else) and her followers who traveled through hostile lands swarming with monsters and clansfolk (I have zero sense of the geography here or why they're leaving the village). They got to their destination (? somewhere coastal?) and then some dude made himself lord mayor. Insert years of handwaved growth here." There are two interesting nuggets buried here: 1) the three dead dragons, and 2) the "unstiffening its unspoken requirement" (whatever that is, because it makes no sense) At first I thought "Tometown is built upon the corpses of three dead dragons" was where you were going, and I was like, "cool!" Then my eyes glazed over everything from that point onwards, see the line crits from everybody else. Right at the end, it was like "ooooooooo an unspoken requirement" which is interesting but also very  because "unstiffening"?!This is 605 words. That's more than 2 pages at the average 250 words/page benchmark. By now, I should have a clear idea of what the story is going to be and a compelling hook of some sort to get me turning to Chapter 1. Right now, I don't. (The correct answer here is not "let me add more words or edit words to address the line level crits I'm getting"; it is "let me do some hard thinking on what purpose I'm trying to achieve with the prologue", and if your answer is "IDK, I wrote a prologue because every fantasy book I read has one and a lot of them seem to be epigraph style and I kinda like that", then you should go back to those books and look at their prologues again, but this time with the sole purpose of figuring out what that prologue does for the story.) What is your story about? cumpantry posted:chapter 1 follows a maid being fired by her employer navigating Tometown home on foot. is it worth posting a snippet for an animosity check? Not really, because the line level issues you have are going to persist into Ch 1. Your line level craft needs work, but I think the bigger issue here is structural, and this is evident in how you pitch us Ch 1. I know you didn't have a pitch in mind because we're all random internet strangers posting about writing, but stay with me, because this is important. "Maid walks through town after being fired by her employer" is a bullet point in an outline, barely description, definitely not plot, and has no resemblance to a pitch, i.e. what is your story about and why should I read it? Everything in your story is a pitch to potential readers. Your first sentence, first paras, first pages, first chapters should all be geared towards answering this question, so people who will enjoy your story go "hell yes, I'm in!" and people who won't will nope out instead of sticking around to leave you 1-star reviews. Which brings me to... Who is the audience for this story? cumpantry posted:hello everyone i'm going to attempt to frankenstein some romance fantasy litrpg to life in hopes of crumbing together KU sales. There are so many things to unpack here. First: Go read the whole self-publishing thread. Second: Go read Selkie Myth's guide to serializing. A lot of the advice here applies to publishing with a KU audience in mind. Selkie Myth posted:While we're at it, I wrote my own guide, which links to not only TheFirstDefier's guide, but also links Shirtaloon's and Pirate's guide: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1O29fCQIg_onlh2SwIr54SXdApLGK-mlcsuDFrH6GgzE/edit Third: Genre-blending is risky. Sometimes, it pays off and finds an audience. A lot of the times, it doesn't. Do you know who the core audiences are for romantasy and for LitRPG? Do you know which are the top works in those genres and what it is, specifically, about those works that makes their audiences go wild for them? I'll tell you right now: you're probably not gonna find a lot of overlap between the fanbases of A Court of Thorns and Roses and Dungeon Crawler Carl. I'm not saying they don't exist but if you're sitting there, rubbing your hands together, thinking of all those sweet, sweet, sweet KU page reads you're going to get by adding two audiences together, think again. You're not going to get the whole Venn diagram; you're going to get that tiny intersection between those two circles and two that you've chosen in this instance barely overlap. If your whole plan amounts to: "romantasy is hot; LitRPG is hot; ergo, a LitRPG romantasy is gonna be gangbusters; lemme write one > publish on KU > ??? > profit!", please reassess and go back to the drawing board because that plan doesn't work. Leng fucked around with this message at 03:21 on Mar 24, 2024 |
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Mar 23, 2024 01:38
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 (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Mar 23, 2024 22:48
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Weren’t you banned (and asked to not just paste random tumblr posts)
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Mar 23, 2024 22:51
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hey there gang I have been working on a half novella, half set of short stories that are all set in the same universe, and I was wondering if anyone could tell me if the idea is compelling or only appeals to me as a weirdo basically there was a strange kind of apocalypse where abruptly necromancy became possible, but also computer technology stopped working and a lot of people died (both directly due to the change and in the chaos afterwards). this story is set about 300 years later, when society has recovered to a large extent, and the nation where this novella is set is one founded by former mercenary necromancers. they were in a 30 years war style brutal stalemate and got sick of it and just annexed all the border territories in one area into a new country, having amassed a huge army of corpses by that point. Now the country is well established, having used non-sentient undead labor to basically create a socialist state, with the world's first necromancy university. but that's all basically window dressing, the focus of the story is on a club for undead people who were reanimated wrong in some way, and don't fit in in even 'normal undead' society. because the undead don't sleep, there is a super active night-club scene, but they're not solely dance clubs, they're clubs for any sort of hobby or interest. The Society for the Unfortunately Resurrected is a fairly small club, and on this specific night they get together to discuss new potential members and tell each other scary stories, because even the dead have things they are afraid of. i put a lot of effort into working out exactly how all the necromancy and such would operate, but I don't want that detail to drown out the characters or the story. it's currently rough draft, as-it-came-out-of-my-head prose so uh yeah, but i was wondering if this would sustain peoples interest or not
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Mar 24, 2024 21:30
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juggalo baby coffin posted:hey there gang I have been working on a half novella, half set of short stories that are all set in the same universe, and I was wondering if anyone could tell me if the idea is compelling or only appeals to me as a weirdo It sounds neat, but I don't understand if the S.U.R tell stories because they are unfortunately resurrected? The way you describe your story, the Unfortunately Resurrected part seems to be a footnote, which is a shame because its the most interesting part. I would say it is compelling enough for my to pick up, flip through a few pages. Similar Books: The Bone Mother, by David Demchuk Dinosaurs on Other Planets by Danielle McLaughlin
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Mar 24, 2024 22:00
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DropTheAnvil posted:It sounds neat, but I don't understand if the S.U.R tell stories because they are unfortunately resurrected? The way you describe your story, the Unfortunately Resurrected part seems to be a footnote, which is a shame because its the most interesting part. I would say it is compelling enough for my to pick up, flip through a few pages. the circumstances of their resurrections and how they each see both each other and themselves does feature heavily, there's a framing device around the stories that is pretty substantial. they're specifically telling stories this night because they've been losing members to the Tragicomic Death Club due to having a lot of overlap in their member pool, and part of the TDC's success is the inherent participative storytelling element of their club's premise. out-of-universe i also wanted to show interesting episodes from the characters' lives in their own voice, and explore what constitutes a horror story in a society that has demystified and destigmatized a lot of what we find scary or gruesome.
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Mar 24, 2024 22:24
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juggalo baby coffin posted:hey there gang I have been working on a half novella, half set of short stories that are all set in the same universe, and I was wondering if anyone could tell me if the idea is compelling or only appeals to me as a weirdo You are killing me with this pitch bro! Not because it's bad but because you bury the link to some halfway decent prose in one word at the bottom — quote:It was in the City Polytechnika, in the peninsula nation of Panekrot, just after five pm. It was early by usual standards to be closing, but Krinos & Son was not an ordinary business, and so Viktor Krinos (the advertised son) was doing just that. - but lead with a paragraph of backstory tedium before getting to your also pretty strong pitch (I am quoting it for the sack of clarity) quote:but that's all basically window dressing, the focus of the story is on a club for undead people who were reanimated wrong in some way, and don't fit in in even 'normal undead' society. because the undead don't sleep, there is a super active night-club scene, but they're not solely dance clubs, they're clubs for any sort of hobby or interest. The Society for the Unfortunately Resurrected is a fairly small club, and on this specific night they get together to discuss new potential members and tell each other scary stories, because even the dead have things they are afraid of. So yeah, I think the idea's appealing! Don't bury the good stuff! e: I wrote 'sake of clarity' as 'sack of clarity'???
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Mar 25, 2024 12:45
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General Battuta posted:You are killing me with this pitch bro! Not because it's bad but because you bury the link to some halfway decent prose in one word at the bottom — Sorry, I wasn't sure what the protocol was for linking longer stuff. I struggle a lot with pitch writing, i always end up including too much extraneous info. In retrospect you're right and I should have just ditched the first paragraph.
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Mar 25, 2024 13:43
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juggalo baby coffin posted:Now the country is well established, having used non-sentient undead labor to basically create a socialist state, with the world's first necromancy university. Forced labour (skeleton army) and genetic nobility (necromancers) created a socialist state?
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Mar 25, 2024 15:13
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mewse posted:Forced labour (skeleton army) and genetic nobility (necromancers) created a socialist state? Yeah there's some good stuff to mine here from the gap between the (supposed) noble aims and how the system has actually been achieved that shouldn't be overlooked as "window dressing." How do the sentient undead feel about their kin being subjugated? I imagine some might care, because they're probably perilously close to "non-sentient" by the living's standards.
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Mar 25, 2024 15:23
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mewse posted:Forced labour (skeleton army) and genetic nobility (necromancers) created a socialist state? Necromancy is more of a technology than an inherited thing, the necromancers primarily run the military (for the same reason there are a lot of soldiers in the army) and academic side of things. The majority of state matters are managed by a civilian council of basically guild representatives. They don't sleep so they have plenty of time for the interminable loving meetings that the system requires. There are both non-sentient dead that operate as extensions of the necromancer and sentient undead who retain their original personality (although they do keep changing over time which can make them pretty strange eventually). It's more time consuming and expensive, and needs special knowledge, to bring someone back intact so it was initially rare and often restricted to the necromancers themselves. But since its founding the country has advanced a great deal in infrastructural terms and material wealth, and so a higher percentage of the population is now able to be brought back intact. Which is kind of a problem. To counter the 'threat' to their pool of non-sentient labour, they've been importing corpses from other nations (who all have different modifications they make to the corpses they export to 'guarantee' their soul can't be enslaved with their body, e.g. removing and cremating the brain, or the entire head). It's also just a way to kick the can further down the road, and one that has led to the necromancers trading things they really probably shouldn't trade to secure those funerary trade contracts. It's a socialist nation in that all essentials (housing, food, education, healthcare) are free to citizens (living and undead), but everything operates on a 'triage' basis that has just been in place since the violent, impoverished early days. The ability to provide a good life to their citizens is primarily made possible by the simplified logistics of the undead, access to a kind of automation the rest of the world lacks, and the small size of the nation. Life is good in the nation, but it is largely subsidized by the literal death of people elsewhere in the world. There is a big issue with effectively The Founding Fathers almost all still being around, and having disproportionate political influence whether they like it or not. edit: i should also say that there are also 'unliving', who are spontaneously arisen, more monstrous undead. they've been regarded as non-sentient and dangerous for a long time, but one of the members of the S.U.R. is one of the unliving and perfectly nice, which raises very uncomfortable questions for the entire society juggalo baby coffin fucked around with this message at 15:51 on Mar 25, 2024 |
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Mar 25, 2024 15:47
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I have an idea. A Samurai and a little girl from the future (modern day) interact. Time travel/Genetics science idk. expect gags and silliness. Would it be more interesting if the girl was in the past or the samurai in the future? If it's in the past the girl can interact with the culture and break social norms and all that. (i.e. Samurai is about to kill a thief and she stops him) or if it's the future the girl the Samurai is kinda like her guardian angel that talks funny. just came to my head sorry
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Mar 27, 2024 22:53
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Phat Phingers posted:I have an idea. A Samurai and a little girl from the future (modern day) interact. Time travel/Genetics science idk. expect gags and silliness. Would it be more interesting if the girl was in the past or the samurai in the future? If it's in the past the girl can interact with the culture and break social norms and all that. (i.e. Samurai is about to kill a thief and she stops him) or if it's the future the girl the Samurai is kinda like her guardian angel that talks funny. Like 90+% of story ideas, it's a solid concept, but the execution will determine whether it's good or not. Try writing a little of both variations and see if either of them have legs.
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Mar 27, 2024 22:58
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Phat Phingers posted:I have an idea. A Samurai and a little girl from the future (modern day) interact. Time travel/Genetics science idk. expect gags and silliness. Would it be more interesting if the girl was in the past or the samurai in the future? If it's in the past the girl can interact with the culture and break social norms and all that. (i.e. Samurai is about to kill a thief and she stops him) or if it's the future the girl the Samurai is kinda like her guardian angel that talks funny. The latter sounds like an 80s movie. Do it
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Mar 27, 2024 23:01
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Phat Phingers posted:samurai in the future https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMlORkxMS-0
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Mar 28, 2024 03:07
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 17:47 |
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Phat Phingers posted:I have an idea. A Samurai and a little girl from the future (modern day) interact. Time travel/Genetics science idk. expect gags and silliness. Would it be more interesting if the girl was in the past or the samurai in the future? If it's in the past the girl can interact with the culture and break social norms and all that. (i.e. Samurai is about to kill a thief and she stops him) or if it's the future the girl the Samurai is kinda like her guardian angel that talks funny. I think you need to let this idea sit in your head a little longer. Decide what your story is about, what themes you are interested in exploring, and which version you think is best suited. Either way, be prepared to do a lot of historical research about the culture of your Samurai.
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Mar 28, 2024 13:46
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