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"Whatever's the cool and badass one"
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Oct 19, 2018 19:21
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 02:24 |
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"the least racist out of the american harry potter houses"
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Oct 19, 2018 19:27
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They didn't even spell Hogwarts right
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Oct 19, 2018 19:35
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Nae! posted:I don't even write YA but this is the stuff I'm faced with when trying to submit a drat query letter to a literary agency. "None, because I'm a grown-rear end adult and JK Rowling is a Brexit-supporting jackass. I am, however, an alicorn in Equestria and my cutey mark is the buster sword from Final Fantasy 7."
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Oct 19, 2018 19:41
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I dare you to put "shire"
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Oct 19, 2018 19:55
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What the gently caress agency is that
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Oct 19, 2018 20:05
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Burkion posted:What the gently caress agency is that A bunch of goddamn Hufflepuffs, probably.
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Oct 19, 2018 20:08
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I'm on my seventh novel (I'll get published some day!!!  ) and I'm having the same issue in the final stretch as every other one; I'm really anxious about finishing the first draft because working on this has been my waking life for 6+ months. My first took me two years. When I was done I fell into a depressive episode. I love writing. Finishing projects doesn't get easier the more you do it but it does get doable. Like building muscle. I want to be done with this so I can do nano to cleanse my pallette before getting into editing/revisions.
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Oct 21, 2018 22:01
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Hey thread. If hypothetically I had a substantial beginning couple chapters for a novel that I'd like critiqued, is it safe to assume it would need its own thread? I lurk here all the time, and the Thunderdome approach isn't really my thing, but there's some really brilliant work happening here and I am short on people who'll be tough but fair. I can't work in a vacuum, so here I am. The thing is, while I've done enough edits to make this stuff presentable, I am also pantsing through it, and the length is such that I don't want to waste anyone's time. Is it okay if it perhaps lacks focus? There's larger overarching questions about the narrative I just can't answer yet, but I feel all right about the voice and direction for what is there and it would help to hear from others as to whether I'm way off the mark before I did deeper on my current course. Needless to say I know I don't post here really ever but I'd be happy to offer critique in kind if it's wanted.
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Oct 24, 2018 08:44
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BurningBeard posted:Hey thread. If hypothetically I had a substantial beginning couple chapters for a novel that I'd like critiqued, is it safe to assume it would need its own thread? I lurk here all the time, and the Thunderdome approach isn't really my thing, but there's some really brilliant work happening here and I am short on people who'll be tough but fair. I can't work in a vacuum, so here I am. Make a thread and link it here. That generally gets the most traffic. I'll try to take a look, depending on length and how much time i have this week!
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Oct 24, 2018 09:00
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Yeah go for it.
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Oct 24, 2018 09:04
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Sure I'll take a look, make a thread.
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Oct 24, 2018 18:14
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So as some in this thread can attest, I'm still alive. Lost contact with the outside world for a bit but things are getting better. Working on two books at the moment, crime action piece about a hitwoman and more Lightning Brigade. Lightning Brigade I've brought up before, though this time I'm having to take another direction with it. I'm also changing up the prose a bit, to accommodate the enormous cast better. Nae knows what I'm talking about there. But the big thing I'm doing is that the book I did write, I've realized isn't a first book. I know how I did it, it was a side effect of rewrites changing the focus and I can track exactly when it went from being The First Book in a series to A Sequel to a book that hadn't been written yet. Or in this case, a few books. So my work on that remains and it's going to be used one day, all things willing. If things work out and I make this a real thing, it's going to be massively reworked in the fourth draft into a proper sequel book. I think I'm making real progress on it regardless, and the new first book is now around 16K and I hope to get it to 20K by the end of today.
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Oct 24, 2018 22:11
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Nice, glad you're keeping on!
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Oct 24, 2018 22:19
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Burkion posted:So as some in this thread can attest, I'm still alive. Hell Yeah man! How did the charity book thing work out! You joining us for NANO? Its a challenge to write 50,000 words in a month, bet you can hit that in like 3 weeks?
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Oct 24, 2018 23:39
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Exmond posted:Hell Yeah man! How did the charity book thing work out! This is not me boasting or anything but, if I was given time to actually focus and knuckle down on writing something I really want to write, I could probably, MAYBE, do that in 2 weeks. The original draft which ended up near 90 K for my first book I got done in 5 weeks. I'm nearing 20K after just four days of working on this draft, though those four days have been spread out between a lot of other poo poo due to moving. So what I'm saying is, if I'm able to focus on it during November, I'm positive I'll be joining Nano if only by accident. Though, don't they frown on working on existing things? Also unrelated but maybe it'll make its way into a story someday- rigging up a 200ish year old house with modern day central heating and air is a loving adventure.
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Oct 25, 2018 00:28
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Thanks all for the replies. As promised, here it is. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3872448
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Oct 25, 2018 00:36
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Burkion posted:So what I'm saying is, if I'm able to focus on it during November, I'm positive I'll be joining Nano if only by accident. Though, don't they frown on working on existing things?
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Oct 26, 2018 16:08
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Al Cu Ad Solte posted:I'm on my seventh novel (I'll get published some day!!! In my experience that's just how creative endeavors work for a lot of people: it's super depressing when it ends. I used to do monthly live sketch shows with a comedy group and while the show was always a rush when it was over it was like falling down a hole. It's just so much work and energy and excitement and then it's over. From friends who work in TV it's a similar thing with wrap parties. Everyone is trying to have fun and celebrate but it's super depressing. I don't know what the answer is. It's part of the work I suppose.
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Oct 27, 2018 15:36
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Long time lurker in this thread. Thanks for all the interesting advice and discussions! English isn't my first language, but I've been trying to write some stuff in english lately. I've had quite a few short stories published in Swedish, both in small publications and online on Storytel by a small publisher, and people seem to like it so far. So I'm beginning to grow at least a little more confident on how to handle my ideas and my voice, when it comes to writing in swedish. Quite a small market, though. So it would be very interesting to see if writing in english would work. I hope it is OK to post a small excerpt here? You don't have to go into deeper reading. What I'm most interested in is: from a quick read, does the language work at all, or does it seem all off? Are there just some oddities and grammatical stuff that could be ironed out with a little work? Or does it read like complete stupid gibberish? ----- "The cleptark is a small man, hunched and thin, polite but guarded. He resides in his little Palace, a modulat house with rows of small but steady legs underneath, the legs now folded in serene zen-positions. The house is capable of joining the Caravan of Cleptomants any minute, crawling across the wild outback like a giant centipede. Should they chose to leave, that is. The cleptark suffers from some kind of illness, everywhere else long gone out of fashion. Jonson thinks it might be Parkinsons, noticing how the old mans hands shake as he pours them both tea in worn plastic cups. The tremors come and go, and as the cleptark notices Jonsons curiosity he says: ‘The Weak Arm of the Law caught me once. They cured me from my ability to crack physical locking mechanisms. Thoroughly. With a brain-gun. Aren’t The Arm adorable?’ ‘Cracking physical things is just what I need to talk to Your Cleptiness about.’ Jonson says, looking out through a window, trying not to stare at the trembling hands. ‘Just don’t ask me to pick a lock.’ says the cleptark. Outside, Tribe Kids come dashing between the scattered Lego village of modulats, carrying fish for the Cleptomants dinner on sticks leaning from their shoulders. Jonson connects the muffled, distant bang he heard while approaching the camp with the fishing, the Cleptonic Tribe Kids dynamating one of the lakes in the area, careless about the finely tuned reinvented and engineered ecology of the lakes. Jonson understands them, still disapproves. The Cleptomants, being traditionalists in most cases, practise age and gender differentiation. They are also, in most cases, highly pragmatic, at least when it comes to semi-organized crime. Everyone have their role. Jonson passed bad-tempered guardian cleptoraptors on his way to the camp. Crossing a seemingly endless stretch of Middleclass ex-territory on his bicycle, he spotted them crouching among the abandoned villas and houses. Jonson wears a carefully designed scent for them to pick up, and he could see the cleptoraptors raising their antennas, sniffing to deduce if Jonson was a threat or just a mere distraction as they searched for Middleclass loot in the ex-suburb, or for representants from The Arm to harass. Now, some of the cleptoraptors have returned to the modulat village for recharging, the season being to downcast for efficient use of their solar driven metabolism." ..... --------------- NoButterUtter fucked around with this message at 07:56 on Oct 29, 2018 |
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Oct 29, 2018 07:53
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quote:Jonson passed bad-tempered guardian cleptoraptors on his way to the camp. Crossing a seemingly endless stretch of Middleclass ex-territory on his bicycle, he spotted them crouching among the abandoned villas and houses. Jonson wears a carefully designed scent for them to pick up, and he could see the cleptoraptors raising their antennas, sniffing to deduce if Jonson was a threat or just a mere distraction as they searched for Middleclass loot in the ex-suburb, or for representants from The Arm to harass. Real quick because I'm leaving for work. You have some tense disagreement here 'Jonson wears... he could see...' and that second sentence is hella long. Some people hate that. I don't really mind it but it's definitely something to watch out for. Also 'representants' isn't a word as far as I know, you'd say 'representatives', if that's even quite the right word.
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Oct 29, 2018 13:46
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NoButterUtter posted:story Nothing stuck out to me as incorrect, per se--except the stuff Hopper posted--but it's stilted in a way that second-language writing often is when it's from someone still getting a feel for the language. I think you have a solid grasp on english grammar and the vocabulary; you just need to read more english prose to get a sense of the rhythms people choose. Having said that, you're in a better position than a lot of ESL writers (and a shocking amount of native english writers), so you should be very pleased with how far you've come. edit: also dont study peoples posts for good examples of english because I'm staring at my semicolon up there and I know it's wrong but I don't know what's right and it's killing me.
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Oct 29, 2018 17:48
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If you're ever unsure of semicolon usage, just break out the em dash—it's a lifesaver.
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Oct 29, 2018 18:33
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Thanks for reading and commenting! I do read a lot of english prose, but I guess I tend to read and appreciate stuff that has a certain tone/style/rythm to it. So maybe I should broaden my influences a bit. "Representatives" - of course, I know this. That was just sloppy... Or maybe I was thinking of "Repentants" from the Arm. Hmmm... I'll see if I can come up with something for thunderdome in the near future!
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Oct 29, 2018 18:38
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As a native English speaker, the more I lean into my style the more I worry that my writing comes off as that of an ESL writer. I tend to go overly formal, which is what I'm picking up a bit from your writing as well. I don't think it's a bad thing, but worth noting that it definitely doesn't come off as casual, conversational, or invisible in style. Definitely the things that jump out to most are the spelling and tense/grammar errors ("practise", "representants", "Everyone have their role" instead of "has their role", "They cured me from my ability" instead of "cured me of", possibly "Aren’t The Arm adorable" instead of "Isn't The Arm", etc.) feedmyleg fucked around with this message at 19:12 on Oct 29, 2018 |
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Oct 29, 2018 18:47
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A writer friend of mine had a similar experience-- English is actually his fourth language, but he's spoken French his entire life. He wanted to start writing in English, so he spent a few months with something originally written in French and rewrote it in English, then compared his rewriting with a professional translation to see how their approach to rhythm, idiom, word choice etc. differed from his. I don't think he did an entire book by any means, but from what I remember it was really beneficial for him in developing a more authorial voice in English writing.
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Oct 29, 2018 18:49
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feedmyleg posted:"practise" 'Practise' is the correct British spelling for the verb "to practise". British English preserves the distinction between the verb "to practise" and the noun "the practice" while American English uses the "practice" spelling for both. English has many surprising ways of being dumb! 
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Oct 29, 2018 18:54
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Djeser posted:'Practise' is the correct British spelling for the verb "to practise". British English preserves the distinction between the verb "to practise" and the noun "the practice" while American English uses the "practice" spelling for both. English has many surprising ways of being dumb! Let's take it a step further. Practice, n., exclusively relating to medical offices and etc, ex. "I visited my doctor's family practice today" Practise, n., a rehearsal or training session, ex. "Sorry I can't, I have play practise after school." Practize, v., the act of rehearsing, training, or developing a skill, ex. "I will practize how to murder English sentences every day of my life."
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Oct 29, 2018 19:03
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Oh geez.
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Oct 29, 2018 19:09
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Sometimes I feel it's important to remind myself that no matter how dumb any variety of English is, there's probably some way it could be worse.
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Oct 29, 2018 19:09
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feedmyleg posted:Oh geez. You mean oh geec in American English, or oh gees in British English.
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Oct 29, 2018 19:52
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MockingQuantum posted:....He wanted to start writing in English, so he spent a few months with something originally written in French and rewrote it in English, then compared his rewriting with a professional translation to see how their approach to rhythm, idiom, word choice etc. differed from his. I don't think he did an entire book by any means, but from what I remember it was really beneficial for him in developing a more authorial voice in English writing. That seems like something I'd give a try. A lot of "Swedish Crime" (or whatever it's called) is also published in English, and even if I don't like the genre that much it's easy and accessible. Cool way of learning! feedmyleg posted:As a native English speaker, the more I lean into my style the more I worry that my writing comes off as that of an ESL writer. I tend to go overly formal, which is what I'm picking up a bit from your writing as well. I don't think it's a bad thing, but worth noting that it definitely doesn't come off as casual, conversational, or invisible in style. ... and I actually know these things. Some are very obvious errors for me, too, when spelled out like this. (Maybe I should just stick to my first language, and hope that I'll write something worth translating in the proper way...)
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Oct 29, 2018 19:53
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I definitely don't think anything in your sample is reason to abandon the idea—I liked the sort of slightly-aloof-yet-playful tone in the piece. And those errors are really the sort of thing 
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Oct 29, 2018 20:47
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 "take care of" is an entire verb phrase, not a verb and a preposition, and only dumb prescriptivists will tell you otherwise
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Oct 29, 2018 20:50
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Djeser posted:
Your lackadaisical stance towards prepositions is something up with which I will not put.
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Oct 29, 2018 21:11
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Whenever in doubt about ESL, remember Joseph Conrad.
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Oct 29, 2018 21:57
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Djeser posted:
so to say 'to take good care of' is a split infinitive??????
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Oct 30, 2018 03:15
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Nae! posted:so to say 'to take good care of' is a split infinitive?????? is that like dividing by zero
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Oct 30, 2018 03:23
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Nae! posted:so to say 'to take good care of' is a split infinitive?????? split infinitives were only ever a problem because stuffy nerds had a Latin fetish and wanted English to be like Latin, and in Latin infinitives are one word, so it was literally impossible to split an infinitive. it's always been perfectly cromulent English to split infintives
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Oct 30, 2018 03:23
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Nae! posted:so to say 'to take good care of' is a split infinitive?????? no, "to take" is the infinitive, and "good care of" is the adverb. to split it would be To goodly take care of.
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Oct 30, 2018 03:33
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