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magnificent7 posted:Haha well, my first DM was 4 years ago. I tried again, sucked again, and swore I'd never post my work alongside a bunch of high brow smarty arty writers ever again. 8 months later, I returned, sucked, slinked away, repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Why do you care about what others think? I came here to post terrible urban fantasy stories and I like it. After posting I put on Linkin Park and read through the crits. My story crits came off with "Learn how to grammar better than an 11-year-old" (And a ton of other advice thank you!) so that's what I'll focus on in the next story I write.
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Sep 6, 2017 21:44
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fridge corn posted:you know what? writing is weird and kinda sucks. im writing a scene where a guy comes across two foxes loving in the woods and now i guess i have to watch a bunch of videos of foxes loving so i can describe it accurately???? 😰 Please make it an essential plot point that the foxes are loving
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Sep 15, 2017 23:08
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I had a story for the Thunderdome where the basic structure is A character was being told a story. It kind of went PRESENT TIME STUFF HAPPENS CHARACTER SAYS STORY PRESENT TIME STUFF HAPPENS CHARACTER SAYS STORY I had a lot of problem with tense issues. I was trying to make the present stuff be present tense and the story stuff is past tense. It really messed up with the story IMHO, was there a better way to present the story? My entry is here if people want to give it a read through: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3803906&pagenumber=77#post476486211
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Sep 17, 2017 16:48
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So during the start of TD I was pretty hopeful and getting good advice. Pick up punctuation books, fix spelling, fix grammar. I have gotten better on that side that the advice is no longer "pass grade 5 english". Still room for improvement of course. The problem I'm having now is the advice im getting is.. inconsistent and vague. It's not something that has mechanics around it nor a clear-cut goal. The best crit I got for my last story was to make the start interesting. Now the advice I'm getting is to have more weight or make things move less quickly. Which isn't something I can exactly look up nor do I understand it. I get line by line crits sometimes but they seem more to be sarcasm than actual help. Before getting a DM or Loss was okay because I was getting better advice or knew how to improve. This time it stings a little bit because I don't really know how to improve and its the fourth consecutive DM.
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Sep 26, 2017 05:18
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Thank you for all the advice. Im going to go through all the advice and topics given (passive voice and etc) and then rewrite that story and see if I can get it to "Above DM" levels.
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Sep 26, 2017 21:54
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magnificent7 posted:I love commas and hate that the crits have made me doubt my comma love. Err for being the person who called out some bad commas in your recent story: If one person says it, maybe listen to it but it doesn't really matter. If 3 people say it, then listen. I haven't seen too many other people complain about your comma usage in crits. You do you, man. If the commas add to the piece add them if they make it hard to read and understand you may want to remove them.
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Oct 23, 2017 21:08
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Simbyotic posted:Can someone explain to me why I lost this last TD? Apart from some awful punctuation issues, and a weird phrases or two - I shouldn't have posted it that early, I've learned my lesson, - I actually quite like my little story. After my 6th loss/DM in a row I have to be missing something. The feedback from TD has been good, but apparently not good enough :P. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3803906&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=90#post477625336 I'm leaning towards the ever so hard to improve and even harder to explain "Prose". Edit: And if at all possible, could we aim the advice against "how to not get a DM :P". Any of the previous judges want to chime in? Exmond fucked around with this message at 15:27 on Oct 24, 2017 |
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Oct 24, 2017 15:23
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Simbyotic posted:Can someone explain to me why I lost this last TD? Apart from some awful punctuation issues, and a weird phrases or two - I shouldn't have posted it that early, I've learned my lesson, - I actually quite like my little story. I kind of feel bad critting your story since it's the blind leading the blind here. But let's go. I think the biggest problem you have is the ending and your general flow of the story. Here is my summary of your story: Little john, who is running away from home, encounters an amusement park. It has people in it and these people are talking about the amusement park. Little John tries to go into an attraction, after remembering a few things from his past and family, and is denied. He is denied because his parents aren't with him. He leaves and is then beaten by his parents. Also, the amusement park disappears. The story has no conflict and is incredibly passive. The only thing the protagonist does is pick which attraction he will go to and even that is denied. Next the ending is barely hinted at. I think you tried to leave hints in your story but they still didn't foretell it well enough. The ending is also a twist ending (Again you may have hinted at it but...) and also is a "Then X happened". There are better ways to have a boy beaten (Trust me I'm an expert), you could have ended with a threat of a beating "Found you Son," his dad said while unbuckling his belt "This is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you." The ending comes out of nowhere and is summed up in a matter-of-fact way that it baffles the reader in its absurdity. Your previous story had conflict and an emotional tether. Guy wants to protect his mom, gamblers want her bones. The ending also didn't come out of left field. magnificent7 posted:Part of it is a lot of errors (I added a crit over in TD just now). Those things are a giant red target on the rest of your story. If you can't get the basics, like HAH gently caress my life. I went through and searched for every comma and added a period. I completely missed dialogue punctuation in my last story. Arrrgh punctuation is my downfall. Does Grammarly premium catch that stuff?
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Oct 24, 2017 17:05
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Thank you for all the crits. It's a lot to take in (still) and seems to change every week but hopefully I'll do better.
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Oct 25, 2017 15:19
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Omi no Kami posted:If any of you guys are particularly bored, could I ask for some feedback on my general writing style in https://pastebin.com/PSJTgQFQ ? Unnecessary purple prose is a recurring problem of mine, so I've been working on keeping it to what's minimally necessary to adequately set the scene, but the whole bit feels like it has a kind of weird cadence where it speeds through dialogue, screeches to a halt for a long descriptive block, then speeds up when people start talking again. Ohh I liked your story! (I love all urban fantasy) It reads like an intro to a novel. Overall I really enjoyed it and I would like to read more! One thing about your story content: You mention a rolodex and say it is her version of speed-dial. It seems like an odd thing to point out and unless it's foreshadowing I'd move it. Your prose was good, It flowed and I wafted down the river that was your words. I only hit a few sharp rocks at the end: Your bit at the end if very odd. You are in current tense and then you lead up with "Veronica read him the address and hastily made her way down to the rusted beater she'd been driving ever since she made detective - an accomplishment that, in retrospect, she was less and less convinced had been a good idea." This is a weird sentence. Read can be past and present tense and the way my inner voice reads this sentence it sounds like we use the past tense of read and it gets very confusing (much like this sentence). Then you add in the hyphen and the sentence implodes on itself. I had to go over the sentence again to get what you were saying. This is super personal preference, but I dislike your commas in the second to last sentence. It reads like a parathentical comma to me.
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Oct 31, 2017 05:43
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magnificent7 posted:I hate myself when crits point out obvious poo poo I missed. The last-minute Ah-ha was cool after a re-read. I didn't consider the "Ohh he wants to become a vampire" as being a twist though, it was more characterization. The only advice I have is from Stephen King's "On Writing". (Heavily paraphrased) YOU won't catch it, pick an ideal reader, someone who can give you criticism and you can handle it, and have them read your rough drafts. See when they laugh, see when they go "OHHH". Write for them, not yourself and not for TD. Then after they have read it, they will tell you what they got from the story and you can do a rewrite. (THough you should do a rewrite before you show it to them) Bit tough for a week long story, but try it once or twice. Also stop hating yourself so much.
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Dec 16, 2017 00:03
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Burkion posted:Meanwhile my novel has entered third draft planning. Woop Woop, good to hear Burkion! Hope it goes over well!
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Dec 31, 2017 20:16
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Can I ask for editing tips, or what techniques you use to go over your story and edit it? I've been doing TD a few times and have a bit of a process down. I have no formal training in english, so right now it's super focused on grammar and spelling.
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Jan 16, 2018 17:04
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Dr. Kloctopussy posted:WTF someone read the OPs O__O Ahh I read these, but uhh, I have no idea what a narrative summary is. I think it's like a scene where your character is like 'AS YOU KNOW THIS IS THE SITUATION'? Thank you for the advice!
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Jan 17, 2018 00:17
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MockingQuantum posted:On a different note, how do you all handle reading drafts? My writer friend I quoted earlier prints out her entire book, usually two book pages per sheet, more or less double spaced, smallish font, and just goes through it with a red pen. I know this is obviously how manuscripts were edited for literal centuries, but in the day of digital existence it seems really wasteful (not to mention, I feel like I'd forget why I felt some edit in Chapter 1 was so important by the time I got to the end). I find I slow down and really read when it's printed out on paper. So I do print my draft, double-spaced on paper and go through it. When I do try and edit on my laptop it isn't as effective.
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Jan 18, 2018 19:31
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The Sean posted:Conversely: when is using a mirror good? I think when you the character has gone through a series of bad events. Using a mirror and washing up is considered "down time" and when they look through the mirror they just how much they have gone through. (Note, this isn't used to initially describe your character, it's done after, so we get the contrast) It's significant because we not only get a description of the injuries and you get to see the characters reactions and thoughts as they see how much damage they have been put through. It can also be used as a nice "cooldown" scene if you have had a bunch of action scenes.
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Feb 7, 2018 18:30
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MockingQuantum posted:being chased by something, thinking how they would be in the clear, "if only I had _______" If only i had a mirror! GENIUS! Edit: Short story. It was a dark and stormy night and the building was on fire; it was my fault. It was the final day of magic school and here I was, battling hell demons with Chelsy, the cute cheerleader, and I hadn't done my hair. Exmond fucked around with this message at 21:29 on Feb 7, 2018 |
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Feb 7, 2018 21:20
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I didn't mind the opening, save for a few lines your story posted:Because Danny might not be a lot of things, but there was one he definitely was. And danny sure does trip a lot, which is weird. So far I'm getting a vibe that Danny is an idiot. I liked this line, it added humour. your story posted:His right foot went for the ground and missed. His face found it. Maybe fix it up a little if other people find it bad. Given what I read I would read a bit more, but it does wear on my patience. So far the draw is "Danny is running away from something, also danny trips a lot and is a bit of a tard" which isn't a good draw. Exmond fucked around with this message at 08:54 on Feb 12, 2018 |
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Feb 10, 2018 20:57
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Could I ask for some constructive advice on how to improve this story: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3845416&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=13#post481196390 It was a story I did for TD that DM'd. There were some punctuation errors that I think I need to be taught (please god not dialogue tags) Was the Suddenly she-dies ending bad? I thought I had foreshadowed with the tailor mentioning how far people will go for inspiration? Even if foreshadowed,would it sink the story? Exmond fucked around with this message at 00:14 on Feb 14, 2018 |
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Feb 14, 2018 00:12
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Shageletic posted:Took another shot at the first page, if you don't wanna go through the trouble of parsing it again I understand. gently caress it, this is short enough to be "okay" but holy hell you have to give us a draw apart from "Danny was running away." I like your start, it has a bit of contrast and immediately gets into the conflict "He is running away" but reading about someone running away without any sort of stakes, consequence is a bit dull. Also, Danny is hardly a character so I'm adding a box of puppies to this piece, to see if we can wring out some characterization (Read Blood Rites by Jim Butcher for why this works!) your story posted:He was bolting down the field, knees high. Sweat beaded down his forehead, mouth open and soundless, eyes panic wide. His feet tore apart the soft soil and churned the pale flowers under them. Hey look, immediately we have puppies in the scene and EVERYONE loving LOVES PUPPIES. Also, we assume they are defenceless (Unlike Danny), so we care about them more. How does Danny feel about protecting a box of puppies, why is a box of puppies involved? quote:
Danny hosed up! What does he do now (Apart from running). Does he save the puppies that flew in the air? Does he blame himself for his impressive trip. or does he blame fate? Your Story posted:
Oh poo poo Danny you hosed up AGAIN (I'm saying Danny saved the puppies, but accidentally left one behind). And hey that puppy is BRAVE. Holy poo poo what happens to that puppy? Your answer will make the "Monster" following Danny actually DO something, and tell the reader if they are evil puppy eaters. Or does Danny save the puppy, at the cost of himself? your story posted:The quiet voice in the back of his mind spoke again. So I remembered your last line, hitting the wall like it owed him money. And it's a hilarious line the more and more I thought of it. Anyways, try and put a bit of character into Danny, apart from him tripping and being afraid. Give him, no give the READER some stakes apart from "Does Danny Live or Not."
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Feb 17, 2018 16:28
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Magnusth posted:To specify, once i'm done with my current story, i'm planing to write, uh, an urban fantasy noir story in heian era japan? Complete with the dangerous woman walking into the gumshoe's office and hiring him for Trouble. But the attendant tropes often make womanhood out to be dangerous, evil, mysterious, or all three, and have, uh, rather specific ideas of sexuality that aren't all that acceptable in 2018, and certainly aren't anything i might want to endorse. While i can probably just leave the structure as-is and downlplay the various sexist bits, i honestly would prefer to see if i could find some interesting ways to turn the tropes themselves on their head in a more in-depth way. Tropes aren't bad and the way this reads a bit odd. If you think something is bad change it. Don't have the dangerous women walk into the gumshoe's office, make the women the gumshoe. Or, work on making the women a character, a woman in a tough spot trying to act tough, but the detective can see right through her and goes with it anyways. There's a bunch of ways you can subvert a trope, but meeting your criteria of "Not-sexist" is tough. If you want to go further and actually market your novel, instead of writing it, you would be best served by someone who knows more about the business. Like sebmojo said, a woke character in a hard-boiled universe sounds hilarious. Exmond fucked around with this message at 22:24 on Mar 6, 2018 |
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Mar 4, 2018 05:08
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feedmyleg posted:Guys, I just finished my first novel's first draft. I'm so excited Congratulations dood!
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Mar 7, 2018 22:29
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magnificent7 posted:Hey there, fellow writers who'd rather not be writing. 6. Never write in present tense. It makes events less, not more, immediate. Past tense IS present tense. Whoooooa, Is this true? I love writing in present tense.
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Mar 29, 2018 17:20
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Burkion posted:So it's looking like I'll get published this year no matter what. Congraulations dood!
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Apr 9, 2018 23:28
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Grimalkin posted:Do y'all have your own discord? I've been looking for a good writing discord and most of them are . . . There is the IRC channel for thunderdome, but I would warn you before going there that it is typical goonyness. A supportive community full of self-loathing and anger. It isn't for everybody. synirc #thunderdome There is the reddit writers block discord. It isn't much for discussion, but if you need a quick grammar question answered or evaluation of a paragraph, it's there.
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May 31, 2018 20:22
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Bacon Terrorist posted:I now have a commute that I’ve been trying to hammer out words in to build a routine, picking up an old unfinished idea that I think has legs and want to finish if only to prove a point to myself. I want this to be at least novella length, I’ve got 8000 words right now but I’m unsure on where the plot goes next. Also I’m now trying to keep track of everything for consistency and I’m a loving idiot who’s done this all in iOS notes. Is Scrivener a decent app with regards to easily managing notes so o don’t have to start going back through the prose to remind myself what a pub/minor character’s name is etc? I don't use Scrivner but it sounds like you might need an outline of your story? From what I heard, scrivener has some fancy drag and drop multi panel stuff to keep track of characters, research and outlines.
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Jul 16, 2018 05:24
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Covok posted:I've been dabbling with an LGBT+ erotic novel. How do you make sex not boring? Because, sex is kind of monotonous activity that is only good when you're like doing it. I've tried a lot of metaphors and textile descriptions...and fetishes...but I think it's kind of boring. Anyone got any advice on how to write that kind of stuff? Put a box of puppies in the scene.
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Jul 17, 2018 16:28
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Terrorforge posted:What's the best forum for just putting short-form writing out there? Is there something like a writer's ArtStation? I've been doing a weekly flash fiction thing just to see if I can hit deadlines and let go of imperfect pieces and putting them up on my personal Tumblr for accountability, but that's hardly ideal. What are you looking for, To grow your audience? To get feedback/crits? Do you just want to be held accountable to post a weekly story?
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Aug 14, 2018 18:28
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Terrorforge posted:Thunderdome seems a bit intense given I'm currently kind of struggling with my current ~500 words/week project, but I'll certainly keep it on the docket. Thunderdome isn't for everyone, there is a lot of pressure to write a story in a week, but it will keep you honest! If that doesn't like it is for you there are a couple of alternatives: 1) Join a writer circle that meets up X days, and commit to bringing something 2) Gameify writing, look at sites like 4thewords.com that sets writing goals, lets you defeat RPG monsters and gameifies the whole experience. 3) Commit to submitting a flash fiction (1,000 max words) to markets every month. You can use https://thegrinder.diabolicalplots.com/ to find some markets. 4) Start a serial. I don't have much experience with this, but it's a weekly story that posted in bits. This could be a lot of work. 5) Join a small community of writers that do things like weekly/monthly writing competitions
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Aug 17, 2018 05:32
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BigRed0427 posted:Where is a good place to go or a polite way to ask people to take a look at a piece of writing for either advice or input. You can post it as a new thread, though I would ask in this thread for people to look at it. Link it as a google doc with comments enabled, that's usually the best way people can give you feedback. There is a SA writing discord that you could ask for a crit: https://discord.gg/2374qJ5 There is a website that does crit trades. Can't recall it right now. Exmond fucked around with this message at 15:58 on Aug 30, 2018 |
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Aug 22, 2018 21:20
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Dr. Kloctopussy posted:THE BIGGEST ANSWER. JUST GO TO A DISCORD OR SOMETHING. THIS FORUMS IS DYING. FLY FREE. MAKE YOUR OWN GROUP. IT'S FINE. I'M FINE. TLDR? Is the TLDR read more write more?
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Aug 28, 2018 19:03
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feedmyleg posted:Is this not open? It says invalid or private. Discord is silly and most invites are one day. Here is a permanent link: https://discord.gg/2374qJ5
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Aug 30, 2018 15:57
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Phil Moscowitz posted:Any male POV is going to notice boobs on a woman within 5 seconds of meeting her so not all that unrealistic for it to be the first thing described in that POV honestly I find that when a character notices breasts it’s meant to either Titallate the reader Show what’s on the protagonists mind Make the protagonist more relatable Show the protagonist as awkward, unfamiliar or intimidated by their sexuality show that the other character is intrinsically sexy, or is specialized. Used for humour To each their own. Sometimes it works most of the time it’s weird. I find in romance novels this comes up a lot (“he was so hard”) more often. In ya it comes up a lot due to the protagonist age. I don’t mind it when it’s done once, but if it’s done too often it gets in the way (practical magic in staring at you). Exmond fucked around with this message at 18:12 on Sep 29, 2018 |
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Sep 29, 2018 18:08
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Nae! posted:I may have mentioned this a while ago in the thread, but last year I signed with a small press to release my debut novel, a paranormal thriller called Listener's Remains. Excitingly enough, it came out this week! If anyone wants to take a look, it's on Amazon in both print and kindle and you can find it right here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1949340902 Congratulations! Is this the weird novel where the guy killed another dudes mind, but the dude escaped and is now looking for revenge? Oh it is! Definitely picking it up!
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Oct 10, 2018 16:59
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Burkion posted:So as some in this thread can attest, I'm still alive. Hell Yeah man! How did the charity book thing work out! You joining us for NANO? Its a challenge to write 50,000 words in a month, bet you can hit that in like 3 weeks?
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Oct 24, 2018 23:39
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Ephemeron posted:Apart from "stay in your lane" and "do your research", do you have any recommendations or tips on using a fictional device to respectfully represent a real-world struggle? I feel personally attacked https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3845416&userid=117687&perpage=40&pagenumber=3#post488270886
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Nov 23, 2018 23:25
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HIJK posted:Read more, write more, close thread. And add a box of puppies to a scene
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Nov 30, 2018 22:59
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Fruity20 posted:thanks for some inspiration ideas. i just wanted to ask since Did the Incryptid series by Seannan McGuire ever delve into the science bits? You might want to pick up that series.
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Dec 5, 2018 19:12
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This may not be good for your ego: http://www.rejectionwiki.com/index.php?title=Literary_Journals_and_Rejections A wiki on rejection letters, don't read too much into it though.
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Dec 19, 2018 17:52
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Fruity20 posted:So question for character motivation: i have this grimoire that records everything from magic spells, to mythical beast, and ancient artifacts. apparently, it's sapient and wants our main characters to gather knowledge in order to get their wishes granted. two of my characters have a similar motivation of breaking their respective curses (but one actually thinks their curse isn't really that bad while the other really wants to rid themselves of it). one character...kinda doesn't have a wish of their own. they're a literal fish out of water who left her home to learn more about the human world...and that's it. Your concept sounds believable, save for a few things. 1) How can the grimoire grant wishes, and why does it need our main character to gather knowledge. Why can't anyone else do it? Why can't it simply wish for more knowledge? 2) What's the limit of the grimoires powers? Does it record fact? Or what the grimoire think is fact from it's current holder? [You might want to look up Future Diary for neat interpretations of future-telling books] Really, believability is going to come from execution. If you have me invested in your characters and a wacky adventure, you will find people are more invested in them, then scoffing at a talking fish or talking grimoire. For character motivations, I'm a bit confused: 1) I don't understand how your characters interact with each other. Both have curses but one doesn't care about the curse. A third character is a fish out of water. Why does this matter? I don't see where the conflict is or the excitement beyond the general idea of curses and fishes. It sounds like you have one character's motivation figured out. They want the curse gone. You need to figure out the other characters motivations, and if they are going to generate conflict. (This method works for me, results not guaranteed) A) To break the curse you need the sacrifice of a creature cursed with the same curse, which is Character B(Person who's fine with the same curse.) Oh and did we mention Character C (Fish out of water)has an Eidetic Memory, beyond normal? Kind of sounds like the book doesn't it? I wonder if the book is trying to sacrifice character C to escape its curse? B) The grimoire records everything, so why is it including information about our protagonist that simply isn't true? Character B's father isn't Bob From Accounting? Oh wait, crap the book is telling the truth!! But then why does grimiore say the world ended 30 years ago, by Character C's hand?
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Mar 13, 2019 23:05
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