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h_double
Jul 27, 2001


Yodzilla posted:

Caveman World: Mountains of Unga Boonga reminds me of a late 90s shovelware PC title in many ways.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ritb0PQ5LOU

It was 50 cents during the Steam sale and a bunch of people bought and reviewed it ironically of course. A "friend" of mine gifted it to me and it's complete loving poo poo.

I like how "ENEMY EVADING" is a featured gameplay mechanic. You mean I don't have to run headlong into every enemy for immediate game over? Revolutionary!

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Ikari Worrier
Jul 23, 2004



Soiled Meat

You know, LIMBO was a decent game and all, but you know what it was missing? Eye-searing, nauseating lighting!

Thankfully, GRIMIND is here to set things right.





FreeKillB
May 13, 2009


Trolling Steam releases for 'gems' is surprisingly fun. A lot of games look bad for fairly boring reasons, but some really stand out.

I present Reptilians Must Die!:

quote:

"Reptilians Must Die" - an amazing adventure game with a gripping storyline, based on the right patriotic education and spiritual scrapie fixed!

2015. Mikhail Ivanovich carry out his duties of president of Russia, and suddenly at the height of work day aliens call. They say that they are ready to destroy the humanity and only MI can save the planet from destruction. Sure MI accepts the challenge. But not alone - true friends, women that are in love with him and of course people of Russia. Journey to the future, space flight, meeting with Stalin - that's what will wait for you in new original game "Reptilians Must Die"!




For the life of me, my brain just stops working when I try to interpret that last screenshot.

FreeKillB fucked around with this message at Feb 1, 2017 around 01:19

genghispawn
Aug 17, 2008


Jamfrost posted:

Broadsword: Age of Chilvary

There's just something really odd with the animations and the jump cuts with arrows. Truly a worthy competitor to the Total war series.

Have a Youtube link to the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PKO_-uf2oQ

I actually laughed when everyone kind of swings their swords and then falls down simultaneously.

Jamfrost
Jul 20, 2013

Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here.

Soiled Meat

I've another one with poor animation known as Ruction: http://store.steampowered.com/app/496820 Pay attention to that walk animation. His hips don't lie.

Youtube trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxbK_AAcSYw

It's Early Access, for whatever that's worth. The second trailer in the store page is... uh. It's something.

Digirat
Sep 14, 2011

stinking
rat-vole
rodent
piece of
TRASH



I am feeling really compelled to buy someone an avatar right now

Really Pants
May 20, 2005

What's...where's...how do I even begin to describe your pants/underwear situation?!
You couldn't make your pants any lower, so you made pants for each leg! SAY IT!

Digirat posted:

I am feeling really compelled to buy someone an avatar right now

Wamdoodle
May 15, 2007

Yes, it is what it looks like!

Grimey Drawer

Jamfrost posted:

I've another one with poor animation known as Ruction: http://store.steampowered.com/app/496820 Pay attention to that walk animation. His hips don't lie.

Youtube trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxbK_AAcSYw

It's Early Access, for whatever that's worth. The second trailer in the store page is... uh. It's something.

Holy drat, it's like the movements of those bipedal robots.

This one has better form even!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-bgLsvw848

Waterfall of Salt
May 14, 2013

Ow, my eye


Palpek posted:


Holy poo poo, check out Miner Ultra Adventures. The video is a pro-click.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVBcUkH1X0g

The ending is fantastic




Yes the Fin is cut off in-game too

Ikari Worrier
Jul 23, 2004



Soiled Meat

On the one hand, posting shovelware horror games is almost kind of cheating since there's so goddamned many of them thanks to an endless supply of screaming idiots on YouTube willing to play them for a shot at e-fame. On the other hand, most of the developers of these shovelware titles aren't brazen enough to literally name themselves the Assets Games Company.

In particular this game's trailer is worth a watch since they couldn't even be bothered to have the game running at a non-choppy framerate when they recorded it. Here's a couple screenshots from the store page anyway, though:



ChickenHeart
Nov 28, 2007

Take me at your own risk.



Pillbug

"Oh man, payday came through! Time to check out what's popular on Steam toda-"



Uhhh





uhhh





UUUHHHHHH


I think I'll wait for Ruiner instead.

The Pirate Captain
Jun 6, 2006

Avast ye lubbers, lest ye be scuppered!

Ikari Worrier posted:

On the one hand, posting shovelware horror games is almost kind of cheating since there's so goddamned many of them thanks to an endless supply of screaming idiots on YouTube willing to play them for a shot at e-fame. On the other hand, most of the developers of these shovelware titles aren't brazen enough to literally name themselves the Assets Games Company.

In particular this game's trailer is worth a watch since they couldn't even be bothered to have the game running at a non-choppy framerate when they recorded it. Here's a couple screenshots from the store page anyway, though:





"The main character wakes up in a tunnel of the subway and tries to find out that happened to it and other passengers of the train. To understand that after all it happened to the gone passengers, the player should investigate strange catacombs being deeply underground."

I'm intrigued!

Guy Mann
Mar 28, 2016

Mass Effect is good


Bloodbath Kavkaz is what happens when a Russian imageboard makes a meme-filled knockoff of Hotline Miami about killing Muslims and then turns it into a commercial product by tracing all the copyrighted photos.









The one redeeming thing about it is that the soundtrack is actually pretty awesome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAERw1XA0YE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmsLerHYNKA

She Bangs the Drums
Oct 17, 2009


Guy Mann posted:

Bloodbath Kavkaz is what happens when a Russian imageboard makes a meme-filled knockoff of Hotline Miami about killing Muslims and then turns it into a commercial product by tracing all the copyrighted photos.









The one redeeming thing about it is that the soundtrack is actually pretty awesome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAERw1XA0YE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmsLerHYNKA

holy poo poo you got past the first part. It was buggy it crashed hard and could do poo poo

Largepotato
Jan 18, 2007

Spurd.


Awful Steam Games Megathread: My dick is rigged with explosives

Inco
Apr 3, 2009

I have been working out! My modem is broken and my phone eats half the posts I try to make, including all the posts I've tried to make here. I'll try this one more time.

I could never play a game that tasked me with killing Pavel Petel

Lucinice
Feb 15, 2012

It's not a fascist helmet!


Guy Mann posted:

The one redeeming thing about it is that the soundtrack is actually pretty awesome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAERw1XA0YE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmsLerHYNKA

Apparently they took the music from artists without their permission and then harassed the artists to let them use it until the artists said yes.

Guy Mann
Mar 28, 2016

Mass Effect is good


Legends of Persia is a Diablo clone that is so bad that the developer just patched in level skip cheat codes rather than make the game actually functional.

Yodzilla
Apr 29, 2005

Now who looks even dumber?

Beef Witch


Haha "cheat codes" aka dev commands he already had in there. I have the same poo poo all over my games for testing.

Poops Mcgoots
Jul 12, 2010


You're taking this very seriously



Lipstick Apathy

Yodzilla posted:

Haha "cheat codes" aka dev commands he already had in there. I have the same poo poo all over my games for testing.

I don't think you normally advertise them though as a feature in a patch.

Ikari Worrier
Jul 23, 2004



Soiled Meat

What happens when you take a lovely, no effort could-have-been-a-browser game that would probably be a bottom feeder on Newgrounds and actually charge money for it? You get the delightfully terrible Clergy Splode, which shows off almost 100% of its gameplay in its trailer and STILL manages to bore and annoy in one and a half minutes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr8SiH2eAqc

Yodzilla
Apr 29, 2005

Now who looks even dumber?

Beef Witch


Oh cool it's a bad version of Buta San

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=K1moTNZPKhY

Ikari Worrier
Jul 23, 2004



Soiled Meat

Yodzilla posted:

Oh cool it's a bad version of Buta San

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=K1moTNZPKhY

Okay this on the other hand actually looks fun, or at least a hell of a lot less ugly. I've learned something today!

FreeKillB
May 13, 2009


Zombitatos the end of the Pc master race

quote:

About This Game
Welcome to the apocalyptic world of Zombitatos!

Are you ready for the most hilarious point and click adventure that you have ever seen?

You are going to play as 2 survivors in this comedy full motion video point and click adventure! There are puzzle elements to keep your brain entertain!, lots of easter eggs, a unique style of humor, and an interactive storyline, which means you can make choices that will influence your adventure!

Find out who did the zombie apocalypse! Trump? GabeN? Jesus? Who knows...

All of this in Zombitatos : the end of the pc master race!

Are you ready to survive?




This is a game you can pay money for on Steam.

Kennel
May 1, 2008

BAWWW-UNH!


There's a new site that tries to write a proper review for as many new Steam games as possible.

quote:

Steam Pile: Any game that is an obvious low effort cash grab, asset flip, or broken garbage game will get a brief (two or three paragraphs tops) description of what makes it qualify for the poo poo tier. These reviews will not be scored.
http://steamshovelers.cool/category/reviews/steam-pile/

Kennel fucked around with this message at Feb 3, 2017 around 23:15

Yodzilla
Apr 29, 2005

Now who looks even dumber?

Beef Witch


That site is doing God's work.

raditts
Feb 21, 2001

The Kwanzaa Bot is here to protect me.

Kennel posted:

There's a new site that tries to write a proper review for as many new Steam games as possible.

http://steamshovelers.cool/category/reviews/steam-pile/

I wish axemaniac still did Steam Shots.

Ekster
Jul 18, 2013



Best part was him catching the ire of pedo anime MMO players.

Jamfrost
Jul 20, 2013

Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here.

Soiled Meat

Make Trump the President again: http://store.steampowered.com/app/575910

The gameplay looks very terrible. You collect things coming at you or dropping from above. It also has simulator in the title.

Ikari Worrier
Jul 23, 2004



Soiled Meat

I feel like I've somehow traveled back in time to the early 2000s and I'm about to read a Lowtax-written review of this on the school computers since it's got late 90s/early 00s bargain bin shovelware written all over it despite being apparently developed in 2016. I half expected the publisher to be listed as Valu-Soft.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53spvFp0K_U

Ikari Worrier fucked around with this message at Feb 4, 2017 around 15:26

HardDiskD
May 6, 2009

HaHAHhehehehuhehahehhahahhaue



Grimey Drawer

Waterfall of Salt posted:

The ending is fantastic




Yes the Fin is cut off in-game too

Translation: You did it! Now everybody can eat in the world's best restaurant!

Henry Crustwheel
Jun 22, 2010

Don't say that again.

Waterfall of Salt posted:

The ending is fantastic




Yes the Fin is cut off in-game too

Did they do that because it actually says FIM? Easier to crop in post-post?

Baba Yaga Fanboy
May 18, 2011



Palpek posted:


Holy poo poo, check out Miner Ultra Adventures. The video is a pro-click.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVBcUkH1X0g

I love that the kid apparently gets some kind of Banshee Scream/PK Blast Attack? Also his broken-rear end walk animation makes QWOP look natural.

FirstAidKite
Nov 8, 2009




This is some free visual novel, dunno if it's bad or not, I'm posting it here because I don't want to anger anybody in the other thread and also because of one of the screenshots.








Just getting right to the point huh

Fart of Presto
Feb 9, 2001


Pillbug

FirstAidKite posted:

Just getting right to the point huh
Why mess around when you know your target group?

FirstAidKite
Nov 8, 2009




*Strolls up to a nunnery* y'all gay or what

Fart of Presto
Feb 9, 2001


Pillbug

It's a thing only quality anime visual novels can pull off

ImpAtom
May 24, 2007

I'm "bananas" for mods showing that I never do anything beyond the minimum in video games!

FirstAidKite posted:

*Strolls up to a nunnery* y'all gay or what

Well? Are they?

Digirat
Sep 14, 2011

stinking
rat-vole
rodent
piece of
TRASH


It's an anime visual novel, you already know they are

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FirstAidKite
Nov 8, 2009




ImpAtom posted:

Well? Are they?

What kinda gay rear end convent only has women in it and no men, wtf




I'll tell you how gay when I stream this later

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