Pokemon Uranium is not a very good game.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Pokemon Uranium is not a very good game.

Vinylshadow: Mar 20, 2017

GirlCalledBob posted:

The real friends we made was the watering can.

Oh...

But hey, they live on in the berries we force-feed our dragon-tractor for competitive!
_{Ya know, if this game actually had an active competitive scene...}

I suspect the Watering Can would've made a much better rival than Theo

# ? Aug 29, 2017 13:32

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 21:49

Poulpe: Nov 11, 2006; Canadian Santa Extraordinaire

MR. J posted:

You were supposed to be watering those berry plants with the tears you shed playing this travesty.

Really it's our fault for not playing with the Boktai tear collection attachment.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 21:53

ChrisBTY: Mar 29, 2012; this glorious monument

Wait.
Why do we even want the watering can?

# ? Aug 30, 2017 10:09

Friend Commuter: Nov 3, 2009; SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.; Smellrose

ChrisBTY posted:

Wait.
Why do we even want the watering can?

We don't. The thread just latched onto it for some reason.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 10:42

Rabbi Raccoon: Mar 31, 2009; I stabbed you dude!

Because my tulips are dying

# ? Aug 30, 2017 10:46

Materant: Jul 22, 2010; see, what you don't understand is he now has

THE MANLIEST MUSTACHE

_{_{_{_{it defies physics}}}}

Because it's a weird-rear end thing to lock behind the postgame.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 10:49

Paul.Power: Feb 7, 2009; The three roles of APCs:
Transports.
Supply trucks.
Distractions.

Friend Commuter posted:

We don't. The thread just latched onto it for some reason.

If nothing else, growing berries for an effectively free and infinite supply of healing and PP recovery that can be used anywhere is pretty nice.

Granted, Sun and Moon have done away with it entirely and made berry farming just something your army of boxed pokemon do in their spare time, so maybe it was just holding us back anyway.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 14:28

Orange Fluffy Sheep: Jul 26, 2008; Bad EXP received

This game uses RSE/DPPt berry mechanics which means you need to obsessively water them in real time to get yields better than 1 or 2.

In RSE, the Wailmer Pail is available at in route 4, shortly before the first gym leader.

In DPPt, the Sprayduck is at Floaroma Town, a bit after the first gym leader.

In HG/SS, the SquirtBottle is given after the third gym leader, and the berry pots for growing berries are given not long after.

In X/Y, the Sprinklotad is at the Berry Fields, a bit after the first gym as well and given with the ability to plant berries in the first place.

In GSC trees gave one berry a day. In B/W and their sequels, this is relegated to the Dream World, which sucked but at least when it worked you could grow a shitton of berries, and ostensibly you could start shortly after the first gym. In FR/LG the berry place was in the late-game for some reason but puked a lot of berries. In S&M it's part of Poke Pelago, obtained after the 3rd trial, and grows way too loving many.

In Uranium, the Watering Can is obtained in Victory Road in a double battle with level 73 opponents in a room that requires Waterfall to reach.

This game lets you to plant berries extremely early like RSE, on route loving 1, but puts the ability to get meaningful numbers later than any official game. This is extra-notable because awakenings are not for sale in most stores for no adequately explained reason, so besides a single full heal, the only way way to cure sleep early on is one free berry in Kelvar town. Maria has two Pokemon with Yawn, and the AI is hog-wild about Yawning.

It's several bad decisions colliding into each other to create a the need for me to have a Barewl tank scratches because I had, in fact, no other options. Because the watering can is in the post-game. Later, there's a store that deals entirely in berries. The trees in route 9 do regenerate, but I can't do anything more until the post-game, when the utility of that store has fallen off.

I can buy ethers in the department store. There's infinite money from the first town. Growing berries would provide me with no advantages that don't already exist. Why is it in the post-game? Why?!

Incidentally, the game has the menu option to use mulch, and the four mulches exist in items.dat.

code:

41,GROWTHMULCH,Growth Mulch,5,200,"A plant fertilizer. It speeds up the growth of Berries. However, it also dries the soil faster.",2,0,0,
42,DAMPMULCH,Damp Mulch,5,200,A plant fertilizer. It slows the growth of Berries and causes the soil to dry slower.,2,0,0,
43,STABLEMULCH,Stable Mulch,5,200,A plant fertilizer. It extends the time ripened Berries remain on their plants before falling.,2,0,0,
44,GOOEYMULCH,Gooey Mulch,5,200,A plant fertilizer. It ups the number of times new plants grow where mature plants withered.,2,0,0,

But there's no way to obtain them.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 16:20

Sorites: Sep 10, 2012

I think FR/LG puts the berry place so late in an attempt to cordon off some of its later-gen mechanics and avoid changing Kanto's maps.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 17:12

Dabir: Nov 10, 2012

Yeah, remember that's the game where something like Chansey or Golbat can start evolving from happiness then suddenly stop because you don't have the National Dex yet.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 17:56

EclecticTastes: Sep 17, 2012; "Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped."

Dabir posted:

Yeah, remember that's the game where something like Chansey or Golbat can start evolving from happiness then suddenly stop because you don't have the National Dex yet.

It also autosaves before you fight legendaries so you truly only get one chance, ever, to catch them. FR/LG were kind of bullshit like that, and I'm glad later games went in completely the opposite direction, with legendaries respawning every time you beat the E4 until you catch them and generally making things easier outside of the various Battle Towers.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 19:35

Raserys: Aug 22, 2011; IT'S YA BOY

I don't remember that at all

# ? Aug 30, 2017 19:50

Red Metal: Oct 23, 2012; Let me tell you about Homestuck; Fun Shoe

EclecticTastes posted:

It also autosaves before you fight legendaries so you truly only get one chance, ever, to catch them

no it doesn't

# ? Aug 30, 2017 19:54

Araxxor: Oct 20, 2012; My disdain for you all knows no bounds.

EclecticTastes posted:

It also autosaves before you fight legendaries so you truly only get one chance, ever, to catch them.

No Pokemon game ever does that. At all.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 19:54

SystemLogoff: Feb 19, 2011; End Session?

This is how those playground legends started.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 19:57

Raserys: Aug 22, 2011; IT'S YA BOY

eclectictastes, I'm sorry to report this, but whoever borrowed your game and saved over the legendary fight was lying

# ? Aug 30, 2017 20:01

Golden Goat: Aug 2, 2012

Pokemon doesn't even have autosaves does it?

# ? Aug 30, 2017 21:18

Endorph: Jul 22, 2009

Golden Goat posted:

Pokemon doesn't even have autosaves does it?

the games with online features save before and after you use them, i think. but I can't think of any instance of a pokemon game autosaving after plot events or boss battles or whatever.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 21:25

rannum: Nov 3, 2012

The only dumb thing related to legends in FRLG I can think of is that Entei/Raikou can Roar which, rather than send them roaming again, removes them from the game. Suicune was based on Crystal, so it didn't get Roar and avoids this problem.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 21:57

Toyotasomi no Miko: Oct 23, 2016

Endorph posted:

the games with online features save before and after you use them, i think. but I can't think of any instance of a pokemon game autosaving after plot events or boss battles or whatever.

There's after you beat the Elite Four and Chammpion or whatever Final Boss equivalent kicks off postgame(CURIE here, Ghetsis in BW1, etc), but not after a legendary or anything. That would be... painful.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 22:04

CascadeBeta: Feb 14, 2009; by Cyrano4747

rannum posted:

The only dumb thing related to legends in FRLG I can think of is that Entei/Raikou can Roar which, rather than send them roaming again, removes them from the game. Suicune was based on Crystal, so it didn't get Roar and avoids this problem.

This is definitely the dumbest legendary thing because it made them permanently missable, but gently caress if the legendary dogs being able to flee while sleeping wasn't the dumbest poo poo in hg/ss

# ? Aug 30, 2017 22:23

Rainuwastaken: Oct 30, 2012; Another blue ribbon for Hecarim.

CascadeBeta posted:

This is definitely the dumbest legendary thing because it made them permanently missable, but gently caress if the legendary dogs being able to flee while sleeping wasn't the dumbest poo poo in hg/ss

# ? Aug 30, 2017 22:34

Digamma-F-Wau: Mar 22, 2016; It is curious and wants to accept all kinds of challenges

EclecticTastes posted:

It also autosaves before you fight legendaries so you truly only get one chance, ever, to catch them. FR/LG were kind of bullshit like that, and I'm glad later games went in completely the opposite direction, with legendaries respawning every time you beat the E4 until you catch them and generally making things easier outside of the various Battle Towers.

where did you learn that, that's not a thing what

the roaming legendaries in those versions are permanently missable though, as if they use Roar to leave battle they'll never show up again

# ? Aug 30, 2017 22:39

Xelkelvos: Dec 19, 2012

EclecticTastes posted:

It also autosaves before you fight legendaries so you truly only get one chance, ever, to catch them. FR/LG were kind of bullshit like that, and I'm glad later games went in completely the opposite direction, with legendaries respawning every time you beat the E4 until you catch them and generally making things easier outside of the various Battle Towers.

Are you sure you were playing a Pokemon game?

# ? Aug 30, 2017 23:00

Some Numbers: Sep 28, 2006; "LET'S GET DOWN TO WORK!!"

EclecticTastes posted:

It also autosaves before you fight legendaries so you truly only get one chance, ever, to catch them. FR/LG were kind of bullshit like that, and I'm glad later games went in completely the opposite direction, with legendaries respawning every time you beat the E4 until you catch them and generally making things easier outside of the various Battle Towers.

Um, what? I definitely had multiple shots at Zapdos in FireRed and kept reloading to get a good nature and good IVs.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 23:16

Lotus Aura: Aug 16, 2009; KNEEL BEFORE THE WICKED KING!

Also, even if that was a thing, how would autosaving before mean you only get 1 chance...? Well aware that's not the first eye-raising thing in there but still.

# ? Aug 30, 2017 23:16

cirus: Apr 5, 2011

SystemLogoff posted:

This is how those playground legends started.

My cousin's friend's uncle works at Nintendo and he said you only get one chance at them! Also if you use Strength on the truck you can get Mew!

# ? Aug 31, 2017 00:07

krisslanza: May 6, 2011

cirus posted:

My cousin's friend's uncle works at Nintendo and he said you only get one chance at them! Also if you use Strength on the truck you can get Mew!

Please everyone knows its just a Lava Cookie you fool!

# ? Aug 31, 2017 00:25

Orange Fluffy Sheep: Jul 26, 2008; Bad EXP received

CURIE hands over 12K francs for their defeat. Even insane terrorists have to respect league rules.

CURIE's a bit pissed about that whole "pp stalling" thing.

Heh, idiot, you can't do anything without making creatures fight!

Ignore that part where just that happened.

Urayne, lacking PP, falls onto CURIE.

And somethings.

Actan decides now is a good time to jump out, after CURIE's mask breaks to reveal a teal-haired woman underneath. And I guess Actan removes the radiation somehow???

Lacking in particular momentum, someone has to run in.

It's Kellyn.

Kellyn explains things that are blatantly obvious.

He's going to have to study this face for twelve hours, until then:

The important NPCs show up to congratulate us more, until

It's revealed that CURIE was the player's long-thought-dead mother all along!

Absolutely no one saw that coming!!

Yes thanks for explaining Jortsman, that's great of you.

Kellyin shouts at interpol agent Stormbringer. He's lashing out about his wife being a nuclear terrorist.

You know, since he spent years investigating that very spot.

"I mean, I knew she was a stone-cold loving criminal, but"

Well mom always was a bit mass-murder-y.

She has used the brain machine too much and it made her brain break.

Cameron guesstimates the most convienient possible time requirement for a telepathy machine to cause terrorism.

Theo brings up that time he was stuck in a pod.

Hey, remember when the game forced us to push a button, and immediately after was CURIE loving things up? Yeah.

Me too.

Too bad it doesn't.

Theo remembers that being stuck in a pod is exceptionally edgy, and his wasn't very long at all!

Jortsman narrates obvious things for us, gently caress him.

Kellyn takes the most evasive as to Lucille facing charges for nuclear terrorism, yet technically reasonable answer possible, and the two leave.

Meanwhile, Actan reveals it was actually fishing Urayne out of the lava.

Everyone states about five different ways to say it isn't trying to kill us by punching us anymore.

Urayne summons brainial beams to chat.

OST: Revelation.ogg

Composer never expected this to be the bittersweet dramatic backstory music, and yet here it is.

Actan gave Urayne an energy source, so it will no longer be driven by hunger.

Which means we finally stopped nuclear terrorism! :woop:

I don't know how Lucille survived for a decade, especially after the pod was unsealed. Can you feed someone with nuclear arms?

Urayne was just wanting to live, hence why it obeyed every cruel whim of a sadistic supervillain.

Secret research lab deep underneath Epsilon plant on...

The island doesn't have a name. I'm calling it Skull Island.

"Can it literally punch atoms?" "No it's not quite precise enough yet." "Dammit!"

Until... well it's hard to maintain suspense when you already know the entire story because it's not complicated at all.

The acronym is stupid, btw. Totally thought of the name first.

At first, Lucille treated it cold and formally.

Urayne drops some deep stuff instead of asking hey what's the pizza place's number I'm pretty hungry.

"that sounds really fuckin stupid" "Yeah, it is."

"still wouldnt show me their foil charizard, the shithead."

Kind of a lame-rear end naming ceremony.

But I guess you wouldn't want too many people in the room when you're dubbed "piss".

"There's a place called Anthell."
"that sounds stupid."
"It is. It really is."

I imagine a power grid reliant on one thing punching atoms wouldn't be that great and Larkspur was lovely enough that he probably only had nuclear terrorism in mind since he's generically evil, but whatever.

This is about the time Larkspur got busted.

Lucille hid Urayne's thoughts because it wasn't meant to have them.

Remember Porygon? Me neither.

Bad words!

Lucille vows to protect the fledging creature.

And soon...

She's put to the test!

You know, I'd think a reactor exploding would damage the tank, but, uh

So for ten years all they had to talk about was being hungry and Anthell.

The red siren effect continues into narration.

In both fights, Urayne's moveset is Atomic Punch/Half-Life/Quantum Leap/Overheat. I dunno. Felt like bringing it up.

But uh you still used your powers to hurt people because...

Urayne notices Hero of Tandor Ranger Ninja Good Human Hokage Dick Solomon's inherent nobility.

Urayne decides to travel to the world iwth Dick Solomon.

And this is finally when we get Urayne. I doubt Uranium has an ubers scene because the last save opportunity is before the fight and the game will auto-save with the ending. You kinda can't savescum it.

Hm, nah.

Actan decides to gently caress off somewhere instead of stay with us.

Suddenly less useful people arrive and ask about the championship.

Theo, overwhelmed by Dick Solomon's heroic actions like PP stalling, forfeits the championship, meaning...

We're now Champion Hero of Tandor Ranger Ninja Good Human Hokage Dick Solomon!

Don't yell at me!

I only have five Pokemone because Actan buggered off.

Oh well, the real hero gets to be honored.

Yay! A really bland screen! :buddy:

The credits take place ocver assorted fanart. Making fun of it would be a real low thing to do. Instead I'll make fun of the only people who deserve it:

None of you seven did your job properly! Why is Tiko even a thing?! :argh:

Eh, I know I've been critical, but Uranium's still better that FR/LG.

HOT.

TAKE.

But just because the creidts roll doesn't mean we're done.......................................

Orange Fluffy Sheep fucked around with this message at 01:17 on Aug 31, 2017

# ? Aug 31, 2017 01:01

FPzero: Oct 20, 2008; Game Over
Return of Mido

I AM SOOOOO SHOCKED

# ? Aug 31, 2017 01:15

Omnicrom: Aug 3, 2007; Snorlax Afficionado

Well that was overlong, stupid, poorly written, and not very well thought out.

Say what you will for Uranium, it's consistent.

# ? Aug 31, 2017 01:16

FeyerbrandX: Oct 9, 2012

I'm so glad that no one spoiled me from that amazing twist.

# ? Aug 31, 2017 01:20

XavierGenisi: Nov 7, 2009

Yep, surprising absolutely no one, the villain was Chekov's Dead Mom.

Urainium, everyone!

# ? Aug 31, 2017 01:20

FreezingInferno: Jul 15, 2010; THERE.
WILL.
BE.
NO.
BATTLE.
HERE!

Thank god, that's over. Now we can get our watering can.

# ? Aug 31, 2017 01:28

the Orb of Zot: Jun 25, 2013; Apport: the Orb of Zot
The orb shrieks as your magic touches it!
Yoink! You pull the item towards yourself.
You see here the Orb of Zot.

gently caress you Pokemon Uranium, you don't deserve any more in-depth analysis. You lost that honor after you tried ramming an optimistic ending into a game that was inherently pessimistic, and five minutes after the main villain (who was also your mom) literally said unironically "I HAVE BECOME DEATH" and went into detail about how she would torture you and murder everyone in the region.

I'm just going to say that the final boss (the champion) of Pokemon Clover was also the protagonist's mom, and it was done much better in that game. Zero offensive jokes, done as a big (and legit) surprise, and executed infinitely better than this game's finale.
When 4chan: the romhack did that angle better than you did, you hosed up.

How much post game even is there in this mess?

# ? Aug 31, 2017 01:37