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War is a collection of small, inconsequential series of things that happen. A weaving of personal stories that often don't have a point, a purpose, a triumph over evil. Over the course of a decade, soldiers in the US Army alone have collectively spent 1.5 million years in the desert. This thread is for simply writing out your experience Background: I was in Afghanistan in 2011 in the farmlands surrounding Marjah. The year before, the battle of Marah had taken place as Marines took a Taliban stronghold. By 2011 the heavy fighting was over and we were tasked with rooting out the smaller remaining elements. My firefights were small. It was my squad getting into firefights with squad or fireteam sized elements. Towards the end my deployment we had a decisive victory in our immediate area when we got into a firefight while an apache and drone were in the area. The drone got eyes on followed by two apaches going buck loving wild on hostiles in the open. After that we only encountered a few ineffective IEDs. Uncoordinated combat I'm tall, awkward, and trip over my own feet. As a kid I hated those nylon warmups because eventually I would fall and the friction would cause areas around my knees and elbows to melt. In Afghanistan, farming is done directly adjacent to a ditch or canal of water. You take a small section of land, surround it by a foot high mound of dirt, and then flood the fucker like a redneck preparing to go mudding. On patrol, and we're crossing an open field. All of sudden the poo poo kicks off. I'm at the back of the patrol still in the tree line, but the front is in the open coming under fire from machine guns, grenade launchers, and rifles. The back of the patrol takes cover in the treeline while the front takes cover behind a three feet high berm. After a few minutes the fire has calmed down and now our turn to be the idiots in the open. We start sprinting and we're trying to swing out wide to the north west since the fire was coming from the north west. The path that I chose has me sloshing through a loving flooded field. My boots now resemble a giant cake of mud and as I'm stomping through the desert trying to get to cover my gear belt holding NVGs, water, and med kit falls down around my. My belt and caked boots cement my feet to the earth as my forward momentum causes me to face plant into the mud hard. I struggle around in the mud trying to get my loving belt back up and get to cover. I eventually cross the field and realize my friend saw me eat poo poo and squirm around in the mud because he had a scared look on his face. So there I was, in a firefight, covered in mud, laughing my rear end off because my friend thought he had just seen me die. It was the funniest thing in the world.
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Feb 17, 2017 19:39
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 11:59 |
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i didn't read this but sad bump before it falls off first page
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Feb 19, 2017 04:50
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Watching a guy drink an Irish coffee while filling half of a warehouse with cratering charges.
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Feb 19, 2017 05:28
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Hillary Clintons Thong posted:i didn't read this but sad bump before it falls off first page It got totally lost in all the noise from the "election" and other threads. I'd love to hear more stories like that, thanks for sharing Rev.
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Feb 19, 2017 06:34
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Not much of a story, but we got a kick out of the Ritz crackers in the desert having moonspeak on one side.
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Feb 19, 2017 06:39
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remember rose flavored Popsicles in iraq???
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Feb 19, 2017 06:46
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Pine cigarettes. Motherfucking pines. I'll still blame the burn pits. But I know the truth. A pack of pines a day? Turns your lungs to goop. Those motherfucking pine cigarettes.
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Feb 19, 2017 07:14
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Pines and miamis were cool if you were some $.25/pack white trash sorry, I smoked lovely $1/pack marlborols and mainlined wild tigers
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Feb 19, 2017 07:32
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Hillary Clintons Thong posted:Pines and miamis were cool if you were in a middle of nowhere patrol base and got to go to a big base like, once every month, tops
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Feb 19, 2017 07:37
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i wasnt even on a big base, it was kalsu in like 05. our perimter was literally sand berms lol. I went to baghdad like once every 4 months and just loaded up on haribo gummies then lol i miss hadji shops though like I wish I could do that poo poo again with all the skeezy dvds and poo poo and cheap rear end smokes but without the monthly "oh by the way friend X is dead now" poo poo
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Feb 19, 2017 07:39
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 whenever i had the chance to buy some camels i'd get those because fuuuuuuuck pines and miamis. but if that's all i could get that's what i'd smoke.
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Feb 19, 2017 07:40
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hosed up poo poo was I could buy stale pack of marb lights from haj for $1 or $.75 I really dont remember, but I remember the AAFES tent, and it was literally a GP medium with like 2 versions of shoes and last months magazines, they sold the same cigarettes for like $4/pack lol but whatever joe had that job, drat I'm jealous for real
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Feb 19, 2017 07:42
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lol i remember not coming prepared my first deployment with porn, no mags or anything, and loving hoping above hope that the skeezy haji dvds with scantily clad for the middle east women on the covers were porn. but nope, no loving dice. lucked out when near the end of our deployment we got good internet in our CHUs at taji when we'd rotate there for vehicle maintenance.
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Feb 19, 2017 07:43
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i was like torch party for my loving whole brigade I think a carried a carton of smokes on myperson like, one pack in every velcro pocket, that poo poo was when acus were new so people wernt as weird about that poo poo
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Feb 19, 2017 07:44
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figured if my bird got shot down at least I'd not run out of smokes  dumb logic but you know
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Feb 19, 2017 07:44
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I'm glad I never saw a Pine since Newports tore my lungs up. Hate that feeling.
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Feb 19, 2017 07:58
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Hillary Clintons Thong posted:figured if my bird got shot down at least I'd not run out of smokes That logic isn't dumb.
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Feb 19, 2017 17:33
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Pesticide20 posted:That logic isn't dumb. After that huge sandstorm part of the way in, where it was mid day and so much sand, rain and mud in the air that you couldn't see your hand in front of your face, literally, I mean I used to think that was cliche as gently caress until I was trying to do fire missions and couldn't read the drat lot number on the shell in what should have been loving daylight, that's how much loving sand was in the air that after that a lot of guys thought nothing of the poo poo they bought off locals, "Sumers" or something like that. loving things were worse than unfiltered reds but hey after breathing all that drat sand what the gently caress else is it going to do to you? Break your lungs and get you out of that bullshit early? Not long after that run on sentence from hell the super religious hypcrite who sold out our porn sash, the 40mm cannister, "Box of Love", was unloading ammo from a truck, fell and could see the bottom of his foot since his pants were still hanging off part of the truck. Only broke his leg in two places. Closest thing to divine retribution I've encountered. Still mad about losing that box of love. The guy taking care of it was doing a great job too, ECR cards and everything, replaced the skin mags when they got worn out, had the annual "here's all our pinups for the year" issues... Ultimately I think it was the loose MOPP gear and booties that did it but it's one of the only times I've wanted to believe.
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Feb 19, 2017 18:49
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Did anyone ever try afghan dip? Keep in mind that I smoke extremely rarely and had only tried pouches twice before that. I think it was tobacco, but it also might have been cow poo poo laced with opium for how bad it tasted and how hosed up I got. I can't remember if I actually threw up or if I just dry heaved.
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Feb 20, 2017 01:02
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Reverand maynard posted:Did anyone ever try afghan dip? Keep in mind that I smoke extremely rarely and had only tried pouches twice before that. I think it was tobacco, but it also might have been cow poo poo laced with opium for how bad it tasted and how hosed up I got. I can't remember if I actually threw up or if I just dry heaved. Watched a guy try it. He was someone that smoked and dipped regularly. He got extremely hosed up and vomited. I never felt like trying it after that.
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Feb 20, 2017 01:08
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No dip here, but Afghan pizza was actually pretty decent in 2012. A couple SF guys in the rotation before me evidently taught the locals how to make pizza using their Afghan flatbread. It was legit delicious. The camp ODA had a good relation with the locals, so once a week a couple of them would come by the camp to sell pizza for like a dollar a slice, which is probably more money than they'd ever make at their usual farming jobs. Dronechat: UAV's were a hoot. I was (and am) a pog, so I spent most of my time in the TOC. One time in Khost province (at least I think it was Khost), we had a drone in the vicinity of reported insurgent activity, so it was retasked to take a look. We didn't expect much, because the report came from an ALP checkpoint and those guys were unreliable to say the least. If they reported 25 enemies, it might be 5. At most. Anyway, the UAV actually locates a platoon-sized enemy element. Our drone was unarmed, so my guys called in helicopters from the nearest available SOTF. By the time the helos reached their target, the insurgents were in a nearly bare field, with only one big tree for cover. And you better believe they used it for cover. Watching on the drone, it was unreal. Probably 15 dudes trying to hide behind one tree, while the rest wedged themselves into a ditch. RIP tree. And insurgents.
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Feb 20, 2017 01:40
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Watching assholes get turned into flying pieces on the CAOC ops floor was always interesting. The UAV section would put the feed up on one of the huge wall screens, and as people around the room started to notice, they'd stand up. You knew something was about to happen when the ops floor was "prairie dogging."
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Feb 20, 2017 01:56
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Fun Fact: AQ and Taliban fighters couldn't aim mortars for poo poo in 2002-2003. Fun Fact 2: There is nothing of value in the middle east outside of the ruins of Solomon's temple.
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Feb 20, 2017 02:13
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Used to watch drones taking off and landing from Bagram. Fun times. Oh, and we had a C-130 follow a 'Follow Me' Guide Truck into a wall and get its wing stuck on top of the wall. Good times.Genocide Tendency posted:Fun Fact: AQ and Taliban fighters couldn't aim mortars for poo poo in 2002-2003. Do they even aim? Most of the ones that hit us when I was there were unmanned remote launched (i.e. the setup a tube with a round and then released the round remotely via a phone or something) The only time they hit anything while I was there, they hit an empty and abandoned Army cardboard shack (those cheap, plywood shacks that the Army setup everywhere). CommieGIR fucked around with this message at 03:27 on Feb 20, 2017 |
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Feb 20, 2017 03:21
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Do any of you dudes have photos to share from your deployments? Not like war crimes stuff; I'm genuinely interested in hearing and seeing what your experiences were like. Iraq/Afghanistan were not my wars. I touched them for 2 years while working at the Ramstein CASF. Outside of that, all I know from those areas I got from you guys. I had bizarro OIF/OEF military times doing counter-drug stuff and Alaska NORAD work against the Russians.
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Feb 20, 2017 03:45
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I wish I remembered whose room this was. Someone on my crew...probably ASTs or techs. Edit: Ok, here's some for real. I got a KC-10 ride in early 2008. It was a 9.x hr mission, which the crew was not happy about...if we flew a sortie that short, it's because we probably had an engine shut down. Stupid Emirate island thing.  Mirage 2000.  Mirage F1. They pair the different types together because they have different sensors/weapons.  Dutch Viper.  Other Dutch Viper.  If I have to tell you, get hosed.  Slow motherfucking camera.   This is the motherfucker who dropped flares while actually taking fuel.   Edit2: Sorted out which Mirage was which. Godholio fucked around with this message at 05:49 on Feb 20, 2017 |
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Feb 20, 2017 03:50
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The PRT who lived on our base used to drive into the bazaar with their old uparmored HMMWVs because gently caress the national guard right, they were the last to get MRAPs. One day the crew of one truck came home with headaches from the suicide bomber who detonated himself next to their vehicle in the bazaar. All good, but the truck rolled in our gate covered in strips of Afghan manflesh. By month six we had well gone into crazyland. We tossed bits of flesh at each other from the truck. I found a shred of a nose, a vertical strip that included one nostril. I still have the multitool I used to pick it up and chase around my buddy with, like kids in a sprinkler.
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Feb 20, 2017 04:35
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Genocide Tendency posted:Fun Fact: AQ and Taliban fighters couldn't aim mortars for poo poo in 2002-2003. I had a "welp there go my testicles" moment when I looked down and saw a mortar round between my legs. It turned out to be an illum round dud but there was a solid five seconds between my monkey brain recognizing a mortar round and then recognizing the white body of it.
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Feb 20, 2017 04:43
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Zeris posted:The PRT who lived on our base used to drive into the bazaar with their old uparmored HMMWVs because gently caress the national guard right, they were the last to get MRAPs. One day the crew of one truck came home with headaches from the suicide bomber who detonated himself next to their vehicle in the bazaar. All good, but the truck rolled in our gate covered in strips of Afghan manflesh. By month six we had well gone into crazyland. We tossed bits of flesh at each other from the truck. I found a shred of a nose, a vertical strip that included one nostril. I still have the multitool I used to pick it up and chase around my buddy with, like kids in a sprinkler. jfc, that's some COL Kurtz Apocalypse Now poo poo.
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Feb 20, 2017 05:11
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We got stuck waiting all night in our 1151 on the north entrance of the Salang Tunnel while the rest of our trucks and the dozen or so jingle trucks we were escorting were stuck in snow on the other side. Pretty drive up there though.
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Feb 20, 2017 05:12
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Reverand maynard posted:Did anyone ever try afghan dip? Keep in mind that I smoke extremely rarely and had only tried pouches twice before that. I think it was tobacco, but it also might have been cow poo poo laced with opium for how bad it tasted and how hosed up I got. I can't remember if I actually threw up or if I just dry heaved. Naswar. It's mostly tobacco mixed with lime, so that the nicotine rush gets right into your lip through an open burn wound lol made me really sick, too, never tried it again
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Feb 20, 2017 05:18
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Getting in on drone chat it really is one of the most surreal things. One day towards the middle of my deployment half of our team had left that morning aboard lord knows what aircraft to go to some bumfuck village on the border. Me and the other half are just sitting around with our thumbs up our asses when one of the special forces guys bursts into our tent yelling about how that town was under attack and how it was supposedly Boko Haram's first foray into our particular country. We walk into the TOC and it's some straight out of the movies poo poo with guys on phones, radios, computers trying to coordinate this clusterfuck. The special forces medic walks in after us and asks what all the yelling and running around is about and one of the higher ranking guys starts going on about how it's this big battle that the good Africans aren't doing too hot in and trying to get an accountability and evac going for us and the Canadians. Medic just stands there and says "call me if one of our guys gets hit I'm going to take care of operation bronze warrior (sun bathing)". They got drone over the city finally and it was nuts just watching this next level black on black violence loving buildings on fire, people just running around shooting at who knows what. They finally got a C-130 I think to land in some straight up patch of dessert to pick up all the white folks much to the chagrin of the Africans. The battle lasted for like three days or something since they could see/hear the jets coming from a mile away and would take cover. Turned out the rest of my team was flying over the city while this was happening and just diverted to a French base.
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Feb 20, 2017 05:19
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CommieGIR posted:Do they even aim? Most of the ones that hit us when I was there were unmanned remote launched (i.e. the setup a tube with a round and then released the round remotely via a phone or something) To be honest, Im not real sure. Every once in a while a shot would land close to the perimeter of what ever loving temporary tent village we were setting up, but for the most part they just made enough noise so the field units could locate and kill them. They did manage to murder a cot I was sleeping on 15 minutes earlier once. First time lovely broken mission critical equipment saved my life instead of nearly ending it. Reverand maynard posted:I had a "welp there go my testicles" moment when I looked down and saw a mortar round between my legs. It turned out to be an illum round dud but there was a solid five seconds between my monkey brain recognizing a mortar round and then recognizing the white body of it. Don't know if it helps but.. Most everyone I know who took a trip to Afghanistan had a moment where they found themselves straddling UXO wondering if they are going to regret never having kids.
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Feb 20, 2017 06:16
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our unit was a ground medivac in a CSH battalion. our HQ and main company were deployed, but we were left out for OIF2. We got our orders for OIF3. We all met up as they were demobbing and we were mobbing in Camp Udari, Kuwait. i was the lowest ranked person in my company for my deployment, which honestly didnt mean much. we were small and NCO heavy. We got split up once we mobilized into iraq right after new years 2005, attached to a half dozen different FOBs as their medivac drivers. the first half i spent as a fobbit in speicher, working the csh ER for 12 hours a day for week rotations, spending the rest of my time playing mgs3 over and over again until i could no-kill the game on extreme difficulty. I worked night shift so it was mostly mortar attack fuckups and the weekly shitstravaganza from the people who ate the tuesday night surf and turf at the dfac half way through i get sent to balad to do a week of retraining bs to get my ceu hours. the class goes from 9-4 each day and the rest of the time its whatever. one of our platoons are there but i stay away from them as much as possible so i can spend my time at the 24 hour px and eating burger king. i take a room without telling anyone in the psychiatric unit's building, meant to be for people who go bonkers and shot their foot or saw jesus in the shower trailer to wait for their flight back to germany. also i watch batman begins 3 nights in a row in the movie theater on base and feel incredible about eating popcorn and watching a movie and not giving a gently caress for 2 hours finally i get a convoy and spend the rest of my deployment down at FOB Gabe, working an aid station for 1ID and running as medic for the QRF team and base convoys so the officers can shop at the warhorse px. i spend a lot of days from July through September doing gas station duty. Basically farting around for 10 hours on a concrete pad in a million degree heat while the ten billion iraqis wait 6 hours to get their gas. the QRF ran security for it, basically walking up and down the line praying that none of the cars lined up as far as you can see has a bomb in it. i still have nightmares about that. i turned 21 when i was there, which kinda sucked.
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Feb 20, 2017 10:28
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One time the Stryker I was rolling in got hit by a SVBIED. No serious US injuries. Managed to drive out of the kill zone to a safe location. Got out and saw that there was human hamburger all over one side of the Stryker. The only vaguely intact, recognizable body part?
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Feb 20, 2017 12:20
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So the funniest poo poo I saw was this drone feed from when another squad got in a firefight. It was like 3 dudes taking a few pot shots and then running. Anyways we have a drone in the area and it gets eyes on and it's just following this one guy for 5 minutes just waiting, like a horror movie where the guy with the chainsaw is slowly walking towards someone too scared to run so they're crawling away. Eventually the dude runs into the middle of a herd of sheep and that's when the predator decides to fire his hellfire. The guy got up and started running and there was just dead sheep everywhere lol. Supposedly he bled out eventually but the video cuts off before that. I kinda hope he lived though just so he could tell his friends how much we don't give a gently caress.
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Feb 20, 2017 16:54
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The Rat posted:One time the Stryker I was rolling in got hit by a SVBIED. No serious US injuries. Managed to drive out of the kill zone to a safe location. Got out and saw that there was human hamburger all over one side of the Stryker. The only vaguely intact, recognizable body part? I KNEW IT
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Feb 20, 2017 16:55
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Reverand maynard posted:Did anyone ever try afghan dip? Keep in mind that I smoke extremely rarely and had only tried pouches twice before that. I think it was tobacco, but it also might have been cow poo poo laced with opium for how bad it tasted and how hosed up I got. I can't remember if I actually threw up or if I just dry heaved. That stuff is called Naswar and it is the devil's own tobacco. Holy poo poo, I've never seen so many nicotine-addled freaks laid low by such an innocuous product.
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Feb 20, 2017 17:07
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Somehow this is the first I've ever heard of it. Glad I never had the pleasure of being introduced.
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Feb 20, 2017 17:28
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For a few months I was stationed out of a smaller FOB that only had chow hall service for 1-2 meals a day (depending upon the day of the week). So, once or twice a week, a few of us would chip in and buy a couple of goats and chickens from the local butcher and some fresh vegetables and naan from the market and do a barbecue. One day, I picked up a quick mission to build a sewage pipe from the inside of the FOB down to the cesspool, which was immediately outside of the HESCOs, so that the septic trucks didn't have to leave the base (the Taliban were trying to convert them into VBIEDs, which led to some more creative poo poo-based jokes). So I walk down to the wall with my rangefinder to get some basic measurements, and as I'm peering out at the cesspool, I notice the local goatherder leading his goats down there. They dive in and start jumping around and began drinking that poo poo up. Just like the entire herd completely immersed in festering poo poo in the hot Afghan noon sun. I got the information I needed, finished the sketch in my notebook, and left. I told no one what I saw.
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Feb 20, 2017 18:22
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