Mediocre Sounding but Amazing Genie Wishes

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bean mom

I'm the kind of person that thinks all day about genie wishes and what would be the most effective ones possible, without any real downside.

What I've come up with so far is

- I wish for good digestion.

There's nothing worse than a stomach ache or indigestion or bloating or worse. I would absolutely snap wish for perfect, efficient digestion.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 00:24

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 14:02

Manifisto

Zyla posted:

I'm the kind of person that thinks all day about genie wishes and what would be the most effective ones possible, without any real downside.

What I've come up with so far is

- I wish for good digestion.

There's nothing worse than a stomach ache or indigestion or bloating or worse. I would absolutely snap wish for perfect, efficient digestion.

similarly but distinctly, I'm the kind of person who constantly thinks about ways that a dick genie would try to interpret a wish in a way that hosed me

in this case I strongly recommend you specify that you are the digester here, not the digestee

# ? Feb 24, 2017 00:32

Disco Godfather

Manifisto posted:

similarly but distinctly, I'm the kind of person who constantly thinks about ways that a dick genie would try to interpret a wish in a way that hosed me

in this case I strongly recommend you specify that you are the digester here, not the digestee

do genies hose people? i thought they were grateful to be free.

wish: i dont want to be broke. not rich, just like $4 in my wallet

# ? Feb 24, 2017 00:39

Rushi: by Smythe

kittens that don't grow up is the obvious choice???

maaaybe a puppy???

baby ducks might be cuter than kittens don't tell anyone

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Feb 24, 2017 00:40

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

I would wish for everyone I ever come in contact with, even if it's for a brief time and despite whatever they may be going through in their life, they are immediately beset with a sense of calm.

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Feb 24, 2017 01:50

1337kutkufan6969: Oh, Yian Kut Ku!
Where have you been all my life?
Let me break your head.

Every time you need a stopwatch but have to end up using a wall clock or an analog watch, the second hand is perfectly sweeping around to 12 exactly when you want it to.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 01:50

Historical Wizards

I wish you were nicer to me >:(

Many thanks Social Vegan for the wonderful av, and Fanky Malloons for the sig

# ? Feb 24, 2017 02:05

Elusif

I wish for a subway gift card that will never run out.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 02:17

Mariana Horchata

I just wanna fly :sg:

# ? Feb 24, 2017 02:19

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

ok you guys, i got this poo poo all figured out

ok first of all i would wish that i had a better idea of what to wish for

then for my next two i guess the first wish would take care of it

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

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# ? Feb 24, 2017 02:55

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

i wish that the dvd player screensaver always bounced in the corner

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

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# ? Feb 24, 2017 02:55

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

i wish that i had the power to control the temperature of food, but only in varying degrees of confort/disconfort like making oatmeal room temp at will

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

(USER WAS PERMABANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ? Feb 24, 2017 02:57

Piso Mojado

i wish i was dead

# ? Feb 24, 2017 03:03

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

Piso Mojado posted:

i wish i was dead

good things come to those who wait

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

(USER WAS PERMABANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ? Feb 24, 2017 03:09

Manifisto

Piso Mojado posted:

i wish i was dead

wish granted I think, you were dead

or at least unalive

then you decided to take a walk on the wild side, or somebody decided for you

# ? Feb 24, 2017 03:24

treasure bear

the power of sleep

# ? Feb 24, 2017 03:45

alnilam

Splatmaster posted:

I would wish for everyone I ever come in contact with, even if it's for a brief time and despite whatever they may be going through in their life, they are immediately beset with a sense of calm.

Then one day you're in a desperate action movie type situation and you need one hero type person to just go absolutely apeshit but when u go up to them they're just like "hmmm hi

think i actually might just chill out a lil :rznv:

# ? Feb 24, 2017 04:19

Robot Made of Meat

1337kutkufan6969 posted:

Every time you need a stopwatch but have to end up using a wall clock or an analog watch, the second hand is perfectly sweeping around to 12 exactly when you want it to.

I worked in radio approximately forever ago, and I can definitely conirm that this would have been wonderful!

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? Feb 24, 2017 04:44

BIRDCON 2017

mister magpie posted:

i wish that the dvd player screensaver always bounced in the corner

# ? Feb 24, 2017 05:08

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

I wish I could plug in my laptop and it would work immediately instead of fiddling with the plug until it works and then trying not to move too much.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 05:11

vanisher

I don't think there's any real downside to wishing for a delicious stack of pancakes. The fluffy kind, with lots of butter and syrup.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 05:12

MrWillsauce

if i was a genie I would make it like a 100 ton stack of pancakes that crushes you to death.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 05:13

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

A nice donut every once in a while?

# ? Feb 24, 2017 05:13

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

alnilam posted:

Then one day you're in a desperate action movie type situation and you need one hero type person to just go absolutely apeshit but when u go up to them they're just like "hmmm hi think i actually might just chill out a lil "

Thanks for using your wish for me to be in a movie one day! I'll hook you up with some cool cameo parts in my future movies. What kind of limo do you think we should rent for my premier opening party? We'll have to send out invitations for our fellow Yobbers, too because it wouldn't be a party without the rest of you guys.

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Feb 24, 2017 05:19

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

I could give my whole kingdom for a horse right now. *genie appears with an impish grin on his face*

# ? Feb 24, 2017 05:36

Soho Joe: the torment of existence
weighed against
the horror of nonbeing

i don't want to remembered for my miserable fate via grandiose demands from a powerful demon skilled in word-play so

genie, i wish to know what vitamin I lack when my feet vary rarely seize up and hurt when i extend them

# ? Feb 24, 2017 09:05

Beachcomber: Another day in paradise.

1. Always get the USB in the first try.

2. Gain ability to forget specific books you've read. (So you can read them again for the first time)

3. Become able to see the stars at night as if there's no light pollution and no clouds.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 09:46

Malah

Beachcomber posted:

1. Always get the USB in the first try.

Flawless.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 12:51

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

Zyla posted:

- I wish for good digestion.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 16:16

I Was The Fury: Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

First wish, I wish for a lawyer specializing in genie law

Second, I wish for eternal happiness, but make sure my lawyer gets rid of all the caveats and potential pitfalls

Third, I wish for my genie lawyer to be set free

# ? Feb 24, 2017 18:06

nobodygetshurt

i wish that pulling my peepee out at urinals wasn't so goddamn strenuous getting it through the boxer-briefs, then through the thermal underwear, then above the waistline of my sweatpants, then through the diaper, and finally through my corduroys. jesus christ.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 20:11

nobodygetshurt

and none of them have fly holes, i just have to push through until i tear through each one of em

# ? Feb 24, 2017 20:13

Historical Wizards

"Man, I wish I knew what time it was." I muttered to myself. "Wish granted!" boomed a djinn as it appeared before me. The djinn leaned in and whispered in my ear "It's Miller time."
And now I am stuck in a hellish existence comprised solely of crumby beer

Many thanks Social Vegan for the wonderful av, and Fanky Malloons for the sig

# ? Feb 24, 2017 20:26

byob historian: I'm an animal abusing piece of shit! I deliberately poisoned my dog to death and think it's funny! I'm an irredeemable sack of human shit!

Zyla posted:

I'm the kind of person that thinks all day about genie wishes and what would be the most effective ones possible, without any real downside.

What I've come up with so far is

- I wish for good digestion.

There's nothing worse than a stomach ache or indigestion or bloating or worse. I would absolutely snap wish for perfect, efficient digestion.

that would be my first wish

if i had good digestion i wouldnt hate myself nearly so much

# ? Feb 24, 2017 21:20

byob historian: I'm an animal abusing piece of shit! I deliberately poisoned my dog to death and think it's funny! I'm an irredeemable sack of human shit!

Historical Wizards posted:

"Man, I wish I knew what time it was." I muttered to myself. "Wish granted!" boomed a djinn as it appeared before me. The djinn leaned in and whispered in my ear "It's Miller time."
And now I am stuck in a hellish existence comprised solely of crumby beer

lol its always miller time if your names miller