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Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?




Hello children, have you seen our vomit? Nevermind that, it was just a natural reaction to an Artem Lobov fight someone accidentally looked at when they came in my shop. I am Sardo, no Mister. Accent on the DOH, and I am here to welcome you to UFC Fight Night 107: Manuwa vs. Anderson, 5 p.m. ET only on PPV! What’s that, PPV is far too expensive for this lovely card? Well fine, I will give it to you as part of your subscription to UFC Fight Pass, but I am losing on the deal!

You say you’re looking for a monkey paw or wooden vulture claw or something that can grant wishes? Unfortunately I am all sold out, for all the fighters on this card came in earlier looking for that exact same thing. This is perhaps for the best, children - it’s said that you must be careful what you wish for, as they always have a nasty habit of… coming true.

Light heavyweight


Jimi Manuwa

vs.


Corey “Overtime” Anderson

Despite being a 37-year-old Brit, Jimi Manuwa is one of the hottest prospects in the extremely terrible light heavyweight division. Having served prison time, Manuwa turned his life around through MMA, and famously turned down a UFC contract earlier in his career twice because he felt he wasn’t ready for it. That type of self awareness and personal growth doesn’t come around often in the world of MMA, but once he finally made it into the UFC, it appears he still wasn’t totally confident. He used the twisted claw to wish that his opponents would injure themselves for an easy TKO win. Manuwa then won three fights in a row by injury stoppage — two of which were freak leg injuries — but unfortunately for Manuwa, this set him up for a mauling by the first good fighter he ever faced. He’s now 2-2 in his last four, with his two losses being knockouts to title contenders, when he could have just quietly enjoyed struggling against Kyle Kingsbury instead.

Corey Anderson is not particularly good at any discernable aspect of MMA, but when he first entered the UFC through the Ultimate Fighter, his nickname was “Beastin’ 25-8.” Due to his lack of talent and the sheer absurdity of his nickname, many people were drawn into liking him ironically. Corey used his wish to turn his nickname into “Overtime” and make Beastin’ 25-8 “more of a personal brand,” but now that he’s gotten rid of the only interesting thing about him, no one likes him at all.

Welterweight


Gunnar “Gunni” Nelson

vs.


Alan Jouban

Splitting his time training with Conor McGregor at Ireland’s SBG and working in his own Reykjavik-area gym-bar-bowling alley Mjolnir, Gunnar Nelson appears to be living the life. He also enjoyed a long undefeated career in the European circuit before making it to the UFC, picking up submission wins over random people without wikipedia pages and EVE Online fans. After back-to-back performance-of-the-night sub wins over Omari Akhmedov and Zak Cummings, Nelson wished he’d actually earn a matchup worthy of the huge amount of marginally-unwarranted hype he was enjoying as one of three SBG fighters who didn’t totally suck. He then was thoroughly and decisively outboxed by Rick Story while Dan Hardy did his best to try to convince you it was a competitive bout. After that moment, Nelson knocked out Brandon Thatch, despite having the insurmountable advantage[citation needed] of being taller and having longer arms, and was so convinced his striking was improved that he fought one of the greatest BJJ fighters of all time and got thoroughly owned in his strongest discipline.

Alan Jouban wished he could be an extremely handsome male model. He got his wish, but it definitely backfired, because now I want to gently caress him and I’m incredibly conventionally unattractive.

140-pound catchweight


Brad “Several Punches” Pickett

vs.


Marlon Vera

Once one of England’s better fighters ,Brad Pickett is a local legend and just one of two men to hold a win over one of the greatest of all time, Demetrious “Mighty Mouse” Johnson. However, he’s clearly far over the hill, having won just three of his last 10 fights. Pickett talked about retiring in his last fight, which was also opponent Urijah Faber’s retirement bout, but he wished upon the twisted claw to get one more bout in. It may seem like he’s actually getting his wish, no strings attached, but if there’s one thing anyone needs less than watching another struggling Brad Pickett fight, it’s Brad Pickett receiving more brain damage.

Brandon Vera came into my shop in 2014 and told me, “Mr. Sardo, I wish to return to the UFC with as much hype behind me as when I entered the first time.” I told him there was no Mr. in my name and almost kicked him out, but he started weeping openly and telling me he had nothing to live for as the One FC Heavyweight Champion, and yet he knew he was too small for the UFC’s heavyweight division and too slow for its light heavyweight ranks. I let him have the twisted claw and he made his wish, and awoke the next morning weighing 135 pounds. He changed his name to Marlon and was signed quickly by the UFC. However, tragically, he is just as lovely as he was before, and his tattoos are just as bad.

Featherweight


Arnold “Almighty” Allen

vs.


Makwan “Mr. Finland” Amirkhani

Arnold Allen is a versatile young prospect from Suffolk. He wished to get out of Suffolk, and now he is in the UFC where he gets to travel all over the world, but due to his line of work he will receive he will end up sounding just as mentally challenged as if he had stayed in his hometown his whole life anyway.

Mr. Finland is wildly popular online for some exciting performances against nobodies, and making funny jokes in interviews and on social media. Unfortunately he wished his legacy would be built upon his UFC debut, and that was his one and only career knockout, and the odds of him constantly getting a series of unique sub wins like in his early career at the UFC level is pretty low, so the people who got tricked here are you, the fans.




OTHER poo poo TO WATCH

Fight Pass Prelims, 1:30 p.m.
Lightweight Joseph Duffy vs. Reza Madadi
Light Heavyweight Darren Stewart vs. Francimar Barroso
Heavyweight Daniel Omielańczuk vs. Timothy Johnson
Lightweight Marc Diakiese vs. Teemu Packalén
Middleweight Tom Breese vs. Oluwale Bamgbose
Welterweight Leon Edwards vs. Vicente Luque
Catchweight (139 lbs) Ian Entwistle vs. Brett Johns
Middleweight Bradley Scott vs. Scott Askham
Women's Bantamweight Lina Länsberg vs. Lucie Pudilova

Official MMA snack rating: Dangerous Soup

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TheKingslayer
Sep 3, 2008

There are no men like me. There's only me.

This is officially my favorite GDT ever and I will be one of the three people watching this turd of a card. I did wish for more fight pass cards during my work hours...

CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014



I unironically love Saturday afternoon fightpass cards.

Fun OP

handsome only face
Apr 22, 2010

Cockroach went out of the room in anger. And roach's go to empty room...

Cockroache's Anarchist


I'm going to half watch it while doing something else and then rewind if I missed something good

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity


is anyone else getting sound quality that sounds like it's being broadcast through a tin can

Boco_T
Mar 12, 2003

Keep your energy high with my Beast Power Rap

Two fights are off:

Middleweight Tom Breese vs. Oluwale Bamgbose
Catchweight (139 lbs) Ian Entwistle vs. Brett Johns

So I guess they won't actually start the fights for another hour based on their "half hour per fight" schedule.

JaySB
Nov 16, 2006



Twitter says right now

Boco_T
Mar 12, 2003

Keep your energy high with my Beast Power Rap

Well I mean the broadcast is live on Fight Pass, but if they just start doing fights now then they'll finish an hour before the "main card" is supposed to start.

EDIT: First fight walk outs start in 10 minutes.

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005



I had no idea fights were happening today just turned them on.

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


It's free fight time and honestly a lot of the fights on this card aren't half bad.

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity


Lucie has the general demeanor of someone walking to her own death

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


Lol she's just really nervous, she even goofily stopped in the wrong corner.

Duzzy Funlop
Jan 13, 2010


We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.


I keep forgetting to cancel Fightpass, so I might actually watch this shitshow.

Go Gunni!

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


Fuckin hell Pudilova is pulling some evil rear end faces in there.

JaySB
Nov 16, 2006



Oh man I thought we were going to see a helicopter arm bar there

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


Pudilova is vicious out there holy poo poo.

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


That was a nice scrap might be a draw if under new rules they score that third round a 10-8 due to damage.

meatloafkitten
Mar 1, 2004

To the KISS-copter!

Le Saboteur posted:

That was a nice scrap might be a draw if under new rules they score that third round a 10-8 due to damage.

Yep. no way Lucie P won, but that was a heck of a third round.

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity


goddamn Lansberg is tough

I hope Pudilova got enough for a draw there

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


Another fight has been removed from the undercard for health reasons. http://www.mmafighting.com/2017/3/1...e-bout-scrapped

meatloafkitten
Mar 1, 2004

To the KISS-copter!

"I won but she should have won but I was sick, so..."

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity


man Pudilova is a sourpuss

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


So 2 fights removed from this card in the last 24 hours for health reasons. That really sucks.

Cyber Dog
Feb 22, 2008



scott askham making a poor choice with the cut of his reeboks

old.flv
Jan 28, 2017


Askham looks like Chael's long lost inbred British cousin

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity


Quisling posted:

Askham looks like Chael's long lost inbred British cousin

lmao

Josuke Higashikata
Mar 7, 2013

Let the voice of love take you higher


Quisling posted:

Askham looks like Chael's long lost inbred British cousin

he's from donny so take it from a local, it's harder to find someone who isn't inbred around here.

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


Askham generally doesn't look comfortable with the ATT coaches.

old.flv
Jan 28, 2017


fun fight though

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity


that was real entertaining

Bubba Smith
Sep 27, 2004

Is tonight the greatest moment in Dominick Cruz's life?

No.

The greatest moment in my life was realizing that I didn't need a belt to be happy.


I just started watching.

that KO was cool

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

plz control u toxic hatsculinity


I don't know anything about him but I am 100% behind this errol flynn looking finnish motherfucker

edit: apparently my stream is a few seconds behind

JaySB
Nov 16, 2006



He dead

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


Holy poo poo!

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


Knockout of the year right there.

Tezcatlipoca
Sep 18, 2009

Here he comes, that Mighty Mouse
Just like a bolt from the blue with a heart that's true
Fighting evil, fighting crime
And always there in the nick of time


Outrageous knock out god drat that was such a good punch.

Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 12 hours!


Lipstick Apathy

lightweight is the best division

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


Wow this is a real good Daniel Cormier promo.

JaySB
Nov 16, 2006



Marc Diakiese vs John Makdessi for ultimate announcer screw ups please.

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Resonance
Dec 17, 2002

Don't give me any shit about plumbers, Jan.

ah yes the one time I can watch the fights on uk time is the one time my tv isn't showing the prelims. I youtubed the KO it was good.

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