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SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001


We need to help our fellow goons out in their careers. So lets put together a list of employment tils to help each other out!

Tip #1 - Don't give your boss your actual phone number. The only time they are going to call you is to trick you into working an extra shift.

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Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



1 get a job
2 don't quit your job
3 wake up in the morning and go to your job
4 do not quit your job

various cheeses
Jan 24, 2013



Tip#69: post in GBS during work hours

Homestar Runner
Oct 9, 2012

This is the best videogame
I have ever played!


be less ugly

Wrath of the Bitch King
May 11, 2005

Research confirms that black is a color like silver is a color, and that beyond black is clarity.

use your friends and get in on that sweet nepotism. if you gently caress up and make them look bad, don't worry about it, you can always make new friends.

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012


TO-DO: BRUNCH, BOOZE, JERKING TO ANIME CHILDREN


Poop as much as possible during work hours.

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011

GOOOOOOOOOOONS!

pants are a BIG yes

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

When you desperately need a scapegoat, at this exact moment.


Suck that corporate dick.

Interpret this as you will.

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

MY SHITPOSTING HAS IMPROVED SINCE THE ACCIDENT

Buglord

Put all your attribute stats into luck because that's the best way of getting hired. I've lucked out into most of my jobs; some examples being getting my letter one day before the interview and others not getting theirs. Or short turnaround time on job announcements and I'm fortunate to be one of few who see it.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

When you desperately need a scapegoat, at this exact moment.


Kuato posted:

Put all your attribute stats into luck because that's the best way of getting hired. I've lucked out into most of my jobs; some examples being getting my letter one day before the interview and others not getting theirs. Or short turnaround time on job announcements and I'm fortunate to be one of few who see it.

Look, Kuato isn't wrong.

Because if you max INT without putting something into CHA, you are an unrelatable know it all that is relegated to the loving server room.

All CHA, no Int and you are a kiss rear end that sleeps his/her way to the top, right until you hit a person that calls you on your bullshit.

Please don't make me describe the people who try and max WIS and CON.

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011

GOOOOOOOOOOONS!

VendaGoat posted:

Look, Kuato isn't wrong.

Because if you max INT without putting something into CHA, you are an unrelatable know it all that is relegated to the loving server room.

All CHA, no Int and you are a kiss rear end that sleeps his/her way to the top, right until you hit a person that calls you on your bullshit.

Please don't make me describe the people who try and max WIS and CON.

tell me about those who go all dex baby

PsychicToaster
Jan 12, 2010


A tie is the yoke of corporate oppression and should never be worn. Ever. If you can't get hired without wearing a tie, you don't deserve a job. If the job requires a tie, you don't need it. Find something else.

SpaceClown
Feb 13, 2016

how the trip
never stops
on and on, it's beyond insane
why i set
myself up
in a raging sea of flames


VendaGoat posted:

Look, Kuato isn't wrong.

macky2dope
Jun 11, 2012

meow haha whoa!!


absolutely DO NOT scream at the interviewer like a pterodactyl

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...

Grimey Drawer

VendaGoat posted:

Look, Kuato isn't wrong.

Because if you max INT without putting something into CHA, you are an unrelatable know it all that is relegated to the loving server room.

All CHA, no Int and you are a kiss rear end that sleeps his/her way to the top, right until you hit a person that calls you on your bullshit.

Please don't make me describe the people who try and max WIS and CON.

I want to hear more. I need new character sheets in case I need a different job.

a mysterious cloak
Apr 5, 2003

Leave me alone, dad, I'm with my friends!


Be mediocre, with moments of brilliance and occasional slack time. Because gently caress work, I'm just here to pay the bills, not spend my life at the office.

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000



Dinosaur Gum

my employment tip for unemployed goons: get a job lol

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000



Dinosaur Gum

also contemplate "work to live" vs "live to work", the former is much better if you aren't a goddamn idiot about money

Harald
Jul 9, 2009

LINKIN PARK




unemployment owns I wish I could get back on it

Nut to Butt
Apr 13, 2009

Make your buddy smile!


you just gotta pound the pavement

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

When you desperately need a scapegoat, at this exact moment.


Arrhythmia posted:

tell me about those who go all dex baby

Mary Lou Retton.

Tonya Harding.

They are wonderful until time takes its inevitable toll.

So, as long as you are willing to live in your "high school peak" and nothing for the next however, DEX is your stat.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

When you desperately need a scapegoat, at this exact moment.


Wicker Man posted:

I want to hear more. I need new character sheets in case I need a different job.

You already rolled something. Welcome to hell.

Nut to Butt
Apr 13, 2009

Make your buddy smile!


go in to businesses and hand them your résumé

PsychicToaster
Jan 12, 2010


let it mellow posted:

also contemplate "work to live" vs "live to work", the former is much better if you aren't a goddamn idiot about money

Wise words indeed. But everyone thinks they need a big rear end house so they can pile it full of stupid poo poo they don't need, and they absolutely must drive a used, two generations behind Acura. Or a new Dodge Challenger. Don't work for dumb stuff. Work because you have to and would someday like to not have to. Also car notes are for suckers.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

When you desperately need a scapegoat, at this exact moment.


Nut to Butt posted:

go in to businesses and hand them your résumé

Welcome to INT, sub CHA and, depending on what you are looking for, a dash of WIS.

Nut to Butt
Apr 13, 2009

Make your buddy smile!


look for help wanted signs

CaptainSarcastic
Jul 6, 2013

HAIL SATAN


Get a haircut you drat hippie.

Ronwayne
Nov 20, 2007

TOO FAT TO BE A JUGGALO

VendaGoat posted:



Please don't make me describe the people who try and max WIS and CON.

I'm the bazillion year old person in the back room that knows where everything goes and is probably going to literally die on the job instead of retiring

basic hitler
Dec 28, 2006



don't be picky about work. especially if you have a degree you can't find work in. Suck it up and flip burgers or TBH unless you're a skinny or the kind of fat that's too fat to even attempt manual labor, do manual labor.

Bareback Werewolf
Oct 5, 2013



Lie on your resume.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

When you desperately need a scapegoat, at this exact moment.


Ronwayne posted:

I'm the bazillion year old person in the back room that knows where everything goes and is probably going to literally die on the job instead of retiring

This and the clergy.

Ein cooler Typ
Nov 26, 2013

Carthago delenda est

Pound the pavement

Walk up to the manager, give him a firm handshake, look him right in the eye, and tell him, "I'm your man"

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

MY SHITPOSTING HAS IMPROVED SINCE THE ACCIDENT

Buglord

Bareback Werewolf posted:

Lie on your resume.

this works too. i hired some literal crazy lady (like mental institution level of crazy), she made up a bunch of work experience and proceeded to show up to work 50% of the time and act batshit insane half the time. a lot of HR depts are lazy and don't do much of anything.

sketch_nimrod
Apr 1, 2010


get a job you bum

SCROTO TURBOSPERG
Jan 21, 2007



Kuato posted:

this works too. i hired some literal crazy lady (like mental institution level of crazy), she made up a bunch of work experience and proceeded to show up to work 50% of the time and act batshit insane half the time. a lot of HR depts are lazy and don't do much of anything.

How did you not pickup on the crazy during interviews

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Have your dick out during the interview, it's a power move

Edit: not the balls though

SCROTO TURBOSPERG
Jan 21, 2007



Be useful.

basic hitler
Dec 28, 2006



Hattori Handjob posted:

How did you not pickup on the crazy during interviews

speaking as an insane person, it's really easy for me to clean up and put on a front for HR and if i'm hired, thru the evaluation period.

if it's some bumpkin company that has no problem throwing you out, just gotta last until they like you.

If it's some joke headquartered out in California that enforces california-like labor laws on their campus then yeah i start acting insane the second i think i have any job security

Frankenstyle
Dec 3, 2005

Mmmm, You smell like Lysol Wipes.


When it comes to college age people it's always better to just admit you're gonna spend the money on booze. They tend give you more spare change just because you were honest.

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Frankenstyle
Dec 3, 2005

Mmmm, You smell like Lysol Wipes.


Oh, you mean tips for when you have a job?

Spend 80% of your time very quietly creating problems, then spend 20% of your time very loudly and publicly fixing them.

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