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KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS





----------------------------------------------------------------------

APRIL 2ND!

HOSTED BY THE NEW DAY

Universal Title Match
Goldberg(c) vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

WWE Title Match
Bray Wyatt(c) vs. Randy Orton

Unsanctioned Match
Seth Rollins vs. Triple H

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse

US Title Match
Chris Jericho(c) vs. Kevin Owens

Intercontinental Title Match
Dean Ambrose(c) vs. Baron Corbin

Raw Women's Title Triple Threat Match
Bayley(c) vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

Smackdown Women's Title Match
Alexa Bliss(c) vs. Every Smackdown Woman Available

Raw Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match
Gallows & Anderson(c) vs. Cesaro & Sheamus vs. Enzo & Big Cass

Cruiserweight Title Match
Neville(c) vs. Austin Aries

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Raw Results

Mick Foley was fired

Samoa Joe beat Sami Zayn

Charlotte beats Dana Brooke

Nia Jax beat Bayley to be added to their Women's match.

Lots of video packages for Brock vs Goldberg and HHH vs Seth

Jericho hosted the highlight reel and doxxed Owens. Owens attacked jericho and killed the list.

Brian Kendrick beat TJP and revealed he stole Tozawa's passport

HHH will have a contract for Seth to sign at Mania for an Unsanctioned no rules match.

Cesaro & Sheamus beat Enzo / Cass and the Club when Ezno/Cass turn on The Club to stay in the tag match

Austin Aries beat Tony Nese, Neville came out and both him and Aries cut promos

Emma is coming

Undertaker interrupted Braun vs Roman and choked slammed Braun. Roman speared him but Taker sat up to end Raw

__________________________

  • AJ Styles mocked Daniel Bryan for firing him the previous week only for that to be immediately overturned by Shane McMahon. Bryan warned AJ that he has no idea what he is in for. AJ went to the ring and taunted Shane, saying that he accepted his challenge and was in a great mood because he was gonna be on Wrestlemania AND kick Shane's rear end.

  • Baron Corbin was looking for Dean Ambrose but Daniel Bryan hadn't seen him all night. Corbin decided to take the night off but an irritated Bryan booked him in a match with Randy Orton.

  • The Usos beat American Alpha for the Tag Team Titles in a match that built to a fantastic ending. The momentum shifted multiple times but in the end the Usos were able to sneak in a crotch shot on Jordan while the ref's view was obscured, hit a superkick and score the pinfall.

  • AJ was waiting in the parking garage for Shane to arrive.

  • Luke Harper did a promo warning Randy Orton that he had freed a greater evil to roam the Earth when he burned down Bray's spooky shed. Harper vowed to destroy that greater evil next week.

  • The Miz and Maryse did a parody of Total Bellas. It was very good

  • Randy Orton beat Baron Corbin after Corbin was distracted by Dean Ambrose balancing on a forklift. Ambrose came to the ring, accepted Corbin's challenge for the IC Title at Wrestlemania then hit him with the Dirty Deeds and left.

  • Orton did a backstage promo where he commented on Bray's promo the previous week being "unexpected". The lights flickered and when they came back on, Orton was surrounded by thug in sheep masks and overalls. Randy tried to fight his way out but was restrained, and Bray showed up and thanked Randy for purging the one weakness he had. He sang,"He's got the whole world in his hands."

  • Fandango vs John Cena. Tyler Breeze came out dressed as Nikki Bella complete with booty swing. Cena brought Nikki out to ringside after Fandango introduced Tyler as his Muscle, and she speared Breeze when he tried to interfere. Cena and Nikki gave Fandango and Tyler stereo AAs and STFs and Cena got the win.

  • AJ was still in the garage, pissed off that Shane McMahon STILL hadn't arrived.

  • Becky vs Carmella turned into a multi-woman brawl when Nattie attacked Carmen and then Mickie and Alexa rushed in. Ellsworth got taken out by Becky. Alexa ended up standing tall over everybody else.

  • Miz and Maryse did another Total Bellas parody where "Cena" kept seemingly setting up to propose to Nikki but not doing it.

  • AJ thought Shane had arrived at last but it turned out to be Rhyno and Heath Slater. Shane came to the ring, having apparently arrived unseen.

  • Shane did a promo with a very tepid response, and called out AJ to either face him right now in the ring or he'd come get him. AJ made a long walk out, got a mic and apologized, saying that he was in a bad place when he attacked him. He offered to shake Shane's hand and apologize, but as soon as he got in the ring Shane attacked him. AJ quickly got the upper hand but Shane managed to suplex AJ before he could be put through the announce table. Shane hit a top rope elbow on AJ (kinda) through the announce table, then kneeled over AJ's body and pointed at the Wrestlemania sign.

Somebody fucked around with this message at Mar 22, 2017 around 02:01

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Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012

I hit the drums, so pay up

Dark segment was Brock F5ing Show

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Raw was bad but I can't remember the last time an "unsanctioned" match wasn't good as heck so maybe that'll bode well for HHH and Rollins?

WrasslorMonkey
Mar 5, 2012

...And how appropriate, that the gif you grovel for is your very own. A victim of your own greed, wallowing in the muck of avarice...


RAM highlights:







DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

We should all be so lucky


dont change the tag, tia

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



so from the thread tag i take it raw was poo poo, yet again

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

God is dead, true love is a lie, and the yard belongs to the Big Dog.

OH IT'S TRUE. IT'S DAMN TRUE.


undertaker looked like garbage and literally injured himself doing a chokeslam where the other guy does basically all the work

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN

Sami and Joe had a good-rear end match and then Raw was all downhill from there

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



Professor Funk posted:

undertaker looked like garbage and literally injured himself doing a chokeslam where the other guy does basically all the work

oh god if taker has to be pulled two weeks before wrestlemania

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

God is dead, true love is a lie, and the yard belongs to the Big Dog.

OH IT'S TRUE. IT'S DAMN TRUE.


Raskolnikov38 posted:

oh god if taker has to be pulled two weeks before wrestlemania

I mean I don't know if he actually injured himself, but he clearly grimaced and looked like he was in a lot of pain, then looked like poo poo when he was going to set himself up for the spear. He's obviously hurting bigtime

VJeff
Jun 2, 2011

Great at hugging.
Better at scoring.

SamuraiFoochs posted:

Raw was bad but I can't remember the last time an "unsanctioned" match wasn't good as heck so maybe that'll bode well for HHH and Rollins?

Seth Rollins vs. Not-In-The-Main-Event-Triple-H was always gonna be a good match but yes I'm intrigued by this new wrinkle.

The build for Roman vs. Taker sucks a lot and the match is gonna be a disaster, but at least I'm not depressed that we're not getting Cena vs. Taker anymore. Maybe Taker will heal up in a year and they can do Cena/Taker at WM34. Either way though, he should'va just sat this one out.


DoctorGonzo posted:

dont change the tag, tia

Agreed.

DEAR RICHARD
Feb 5, 2009

IT'S TIME FOR MY TOOLS


was raw bad or nah

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS


Taker was selling that he did a rookie mistake and turned his back on Reigns for a spear.

The Landstander
Apr 20, 2004

I stand on land.

Raw opened and closed with two old guys who I like being very clearly in pain.

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

We should all be so lucky


Raskolnikov38 posted:

oh god if taker has to be pulled two weeks before wrestlemania

I hope they add BRAUN. The story is trash and the work rate will be non existent

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

God is dead, true love is a lie, and the yard belongs to the Big Dog.

OH IT'S TRUE. IT'S DAMN TRUE.


DEAR RICHARD posted:

was raw bad or nah

it was very bad

exploded mummy
Sep 10, 2008

   'Cause she's so high
      High above me,
       she's so lovely
           
     - Everclear


Doctor Rope

HAVE A NICE DAY

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

We should all be so lucky


KungFu Grip posted:

Taker was selling that he did a rookie mistake and turned his back on Reigns for a spear.

We are talking about the Chokeslam

Tweak
Jul 28, 2003
Quick! Report this post! For some reason it always works out in your favor!

welcome to raw: where the booking is made up and nothing matters

ijii
Mar 17, 2007
I'M APPARENTLY GAY AND MY POSTING SUCKS.


Looks like a good time to have Undertaker compete in a triple threat at a Wrestlemania, let Roman and Braun do all the work.

So far, looks like Smackdown is going to be Wrestlemania's saving grace, because everything Raw is garbage. Except Jericho vs Owens.

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

God is dead, true love is a lie, and the yard belongs to the Big Dog.

OH IT'S TRUE. IT'S DAMN TRUE.


DoctorGonzo posted:

We are talking about the Chokeslam

I think he's saying that he made an exasperated face because he realized he turned his back to Roman and knew a spear was coming. I guess that could be true too.

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

We should all be so lucky


Professor Funk posted:

I think he's saying that he made an exasperated face because he realized he turned his back to Roman and knew a spear was coming. I guess that could be true too.

He almost felt down with Braun and he took the spear on his side.

VJeff
Jun 2, 2011

Great at hugging.
Better at scoring.

ijii posted:

Looks like a good time to have Undertaker compete in a triple threat at a Wrestlemania, let Roman and Braun do all the work.

So far, looks like Smackdown is going to be Wrestlemania's saving grace, because everything Raw is garbage. Except Jericho vs Owens.

Raw has JeriKO, Women's match, the tag match (which is a match with Cesaro and will be good), Aries vs. Neville.

SmackDown has Randy vs. Bray, AJ Styles throwing Shane off something and Cena proposing to Miz.

It's more even than you might think.

beggar
Mar 6, 2008

Smoking Makes You Impotent


Fallen Rib

Im p. much over the whole Paige stuff but i think just about every Cameraman Brad meme has cracked me up

Strawberry Panda
Nov 4, 2007



DoctorGonzo posted:

He almost felt down with Braun and he took the spear on his side.

He also had trouble getting back up for the final moment.

Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

I choose to expose myself

He was def. selling that he made a mistake turning his back. Maybe he's hurt too, who knows, but the look/head-shake was very intentionally that 'amateur mistake' thingy.

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007



Grimey Drawer

HHH/Rollins is going to be very good, as will JeriKO.

That DICK!
Sep 28, 2010

This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.

I'm the real big dog. Call your local cable provider and tell them YOU want a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH

Alan_Shore
Dec 2, 2004

Mah boys!

They had Xavier on after? Was it just backstage? Any sly jokes?

Not watching cos you all say it's poo poo and it probably is.

What happened to Foley? Emasculated for 20 minutes?

rovert
Jun 10, 2013

Two scoops of bullshit in every rovert post!


https://twitter.com/WalderSports/st...034782602448896

Erebus
Jul 13, 2001

Okay... Keep your head, Steve boy...


Alan_Shore posted:

They had Xavier on after? Was it just backstage? Any sly jokes?

This is pretty much the extent of it:


"Do you have something to tell us?" "Yes, about WRESTLEMANIA!"

quote:

What happened to Foley? Emasculated for 20 minutes?

He was sent out with a prepared statement saying he was taking a leave of absence for being a fuckup, he rebelled, then Stephanie came out to FAHR him. Then he walked out like

SalTheBard
Jan 26, 2005

Somebody call Totoro

I feel like Taker vs Reigns is going to end up a 3 way with Stroman

rovert
Jun 10, 2013

Two scoops of bullshit in every rovert post!


No sure if what is in the story is a SPOILER or not but the plan is for them to wrestle in the Smackdown women's match at Wrestlemania
:


https://twitter.com/SCsirens/status/844020591782969345 https://twitter.com/badboicasey/sta...021895905337346

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012

I hit the drums, so pay up

That DICK! posted:

I'm the real big dog. Call your local cable provider and tell them YOU want a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH

If I wanted to get hype for something I know will only just severely disappoint me in the end, I'd go to page one of the Mass Effect thread, pre-gifs and reviews

ChuckDeNomolos
Jan 10, 2013

"For god's sake, man! Can you hear that? I know it seems like crying, and you always have crying in your head, but can you hear that?"


can;t wait for the Road Dogg to end Taker's career

Cyron
Mar 10, 2014

by zen death robot


evil emma looks like my slut mog death knight in wow.

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Also I watched it again and I think Taker is fine. I see what you guys mean but it didn't look like a wince of pain at all in the actual action of it all. Like if you took a screencap sure but in motion it really did look like "gently caress he's behind me isn't he?"

The Grey
Mar 2, 2004



KungFu Grip posted:

Taker was selling that he did a rookie mistake and turned his back on Reigns for a spear.

Taker should have just kept his back to Roman. You never get speared from behind.

Why did Braun attack Taker?

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

We should all be so lucky


I hope Rovert is right and Evil Emma and Summer go to Sd. Send Naomi to Raw

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AsInHowe
Jan 11, 2007

Goal, assist, fight.

At least Charlotte beat Dana Brooke, so that was good

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