111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan posted:

The Metroid Conspircy: Pasts of the sin

It was a spaceshiop. Galactic. The captain was in his thirtyfive, and a conspiracy was abroad. What was it?

The captain obeyed a disdirect order because he had to know the truth. The truth as it was, and exposé to the peopl. It was his job his destiny and it must come out at risk of death disease or edisown. What now?

"Oh, poo poo."

poo poo.

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Samus was monster killing space pirates when she got a call on her homophoner. "Hello" she answers.

Static

gArgle

Dead.

"No, say is not so" samus shot off as she decapitated an elite pirate on the Aether. It was captain houston and he was now dead because of the zebesans. But was it the zebesians samus wondered nighly? It may. May may may.

Mayday.

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On the Houston ship Captin Houston fought for stay live, but it was too much to ask for. The metorids were fierce and he only had a palmsa pistol. Noo good. Not good enough at the least.

"Who the hell is the behind?" he could only wonder until a rumbly voice gargled.

Noooo it cannot" houston could not believe the conspiracy.

"It can." the spuuter comm

It is.

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Samus was in the room of Ridlety. She hated him. But did she love him?

Also.

"Samus i know we must kill each other but there is a secret. I love you." rildey propestioned

Samus was a shocker. "Ridley, there are feelings too, but is it really sex?"

Ridleys head nooded. "Yes sex."

Samus shook her head but then jumped on ridley but instead of dragooning she made out. There were passion and she was ready to unblow the bottle that she had kept secret for the entire life of womaning and scornless. Life that was far too short for guessing. Even if the wrong guess turned out to be the right.

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Houston was dead from the battle, and the secret died with him about the fining out that killed the captain. His only hope was dying so that samus would come to the rescue and stop the conspiracy that destroy thruniverse. Too late he thought. But maybe not for the children.

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Samus and riley were ready for action but not the kind of action that they sexed. Ridley could almost not fit in the samus ship so he was flowing along in space nixton the ship. Samus did not know the distress bacon location but she had a guess that she just might have it. Sure enought houstons ship was dead in space. "Dead like..." samus reminisced from the 20 minutes, but she must keep the mind on the job and not the job of the past.

Samus and ridley were burst on the houston ship, but there were loving metorids all over the place.

"poo poo!" ridley backfired as he ferocuisly fought a omega metord on the deck. Samus blew out the missiles and other metorid hunting eqipment she used to slaughter the jellies. the blattle was a saurusious, buit in the end metorid blood was the one that stained the legal tender. But it wasnt legal enough. Ridley was decapited.

"Ridley know!" Samuus soberly sobbed. "We just met and I love your chraisma!"

"It is a shame" Ridleyu breathed his last."

"A dead, dead shame."

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It was too late for love, and samus did not give a bitch. She traunted down the friggind stairs and whipped the poo poo out of the cargo bay door. She couldnt beclieve the inhabitnat.

THE ALACTIC FEDERATION!

"Ha ha ha you caught us trying to breed matroids to destroy our enemies." the glactic senate snickered

"No, youre the ones who dont understand. Metroids are machines of destruction and war is not the option!" Samus sermoned. Some were taken aback by words, but others.

"Take a see about...THIS"

A friggin huge metorid attacked samus and it was a nemisine fight, mother brain against samus

"If i had known this ridley and the zebesians are innocent! ITS A SHADOW WAR! YOURE THE COMMUNISTS!" Samus vaporized a senator who was a republican

"This is not good observed the leader of the government. KILL TH?E CHILDREN!

This was the final straw, the children were the only hope from the future. The only repose from the sins of the past. THe future of the sands. Samus knew the only saviour was the solution. The one way to erase the pasts of the sins, but at a price too pay.

"I amm sorry everyone, but I must destroy sin." samus knew the disperatre solution as she ppressed a button. It was time to close her eyes for the last and enter the realm of the heroes like gurbanburdy and FDR and Carter.

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From the plaet below, the women and children rejoiced. The victory was over, but it was at a price. Samus and ridley were deadfor what they believe in so they put up a statue for it.

A man sat up and said words that everone believed.

"Never Forget the great."

"Never Forget the traits."

" Always remember the late."

"Appreciate. The Rebate."

Unbelievably Fat Man posted:

John Freeman shots the goofball to live, op. That one turned out to fake as well, though.

shoophobo posted:

sorry about your thread op

"tribaltat, a nude hope, http://celeb.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091492 posted:

He went back to the pilot seat of the Millennium Falcon. The backside of his pants made a squishy noise as he sat down, the poop had mushed around in his jean shorts.

He reached into his pocket again and pulled out the engagement ring he was only hours away from giving to Leah. Tears in his eyes became heavy and started streaming down his face. He was sure it was meant to be, but how could he look at her the same way when he knew that precious face he had come to love had been jizzed on by his wookie co-pilot. And then the question rose, how could he live with himself?

He couldn’t, he decided, he absolutely couldn’t. No amount of space therapy could help him regain his mental stability, even the renowned doctors of the Gelganorn sector could not help him. He cried onto the engagement ring before him and smelled the feces that filled his pants.

whoflungpoop posted:

He cried onto the engagement ring before him and smelled the feces that filled his pants.

whoflungpoop posted:

chapter one posted:

pewdiepie was going over to tobuscus's house today to play some games with him...3mins later pewdss arrived at tobys house and knoked on the oor " uh just a sec!" peewds heard toby move stuff around and say something he didn' understand " uh to-" toby opend the door and was too close to his face he was sweating " uh hi soory it's been-kinda buisy so uh come in" pewdie walked in and loked around 'hmm it loks clean why didn't he want me to come in? ' pewdie frowned ' maybe he dosen't like m' toby noteced ' 'why does he thnk i don't like him? '' " uh pewdie what do you want to play ?" pewds nnotecd ttobys frown and felt a bit ba ' so he dosen't like me .' " you know what ever you want ehee" toby looked at him again ' he thinks i don't like him..' he read it oh no not now ...we just got to play some games then he'll leave ...then i won't change' " ok i got a new game called simss" toby said nervousley.. why is he acting s weird? thought pewds and walked over onto the couch toby went over and set up the game..pewdie noticed he was a bit twitchy toby walked over and game him a controler .. " ok let's play some sims.." " ya sure " pewds smiled making toby blush and try to hold back a twich..

pewds he's gonn'a have to go..somme time right lets hop soontoby grabbed a controler and they made their people pewdie made a gil with a black tang top and a blacke skirt that went down to her knees and blond hair " wow i'm like so hot" they both laughe when toby made a person he made a girl with golen hair a golden dress that mached but what was diffrent was that she had cat ears and a cat tail with fangs and claws 'oh i hope pwds dosen't suspect anyything' " hmm weird but still hot" " haha yea " toby blusd they started playing after about 20 min toby heard something and lookec over to pewds oh no toby got up and said i" i will be right back -" bang! " ahhk what was that?!" oh no pewd can't see me i -i got'a hide ..pewds noticed toby was looking around scared and nervouey " uh toby are you ok" beforee he cn aske toby rab out of the room and into his own room pewdie walked to his room and knocked ob the door " toby..are you ok?" no answer ' why isn't toby responding dosen'yt heknow icare about him and imm worried? ' toby smiled yoou know maybe being cured to be a neko is't so bad and reading peoples minds are pretty cool.. toby looked up uhg my cat ear showed uip and-aww not myy tail to! toby got up and walked to his mirrer and he had pews say hey are you ok! you''ve ben in there for like 12 min now..toby heard a boom and heard pewds gasp oh no why are they here? drat people and tneir need to cut me open and experient i never told anyone! not rven gabe tby let out a sight and couuld ttell he's going out there isn't he toby flungopend the dor pewds wasen't there he was in the living room pewdie looked over to him and his eyes got big toby flew into the air and ran turwed the people and threw his claws at hom

Pittsburgh Lambic posted:

Pittsburgh Lambic posted:

Sans and Papyrus Smoke Weed posted:

Sans and Paprus are in the human world afetr the good endign in Undertale and they are driving aroudn in a car looking for burgers to eat i dont know. they make a turn into a shady valley after passing a diner and they spot some dude in a trenchcoat wit ha straneg beard and frosted tips. the boned brothers are a bit nervous at first but they don't know any better because all humans are made of gumdrops and rainbows or something.

the shady dude comes up and says in a spooky voice, "you want that dank kush"

"i dont know what that is but have you played undertale recently its a good game" says Sans

"SILENCE BROTHER WE WILL BUY THIS """""KUSH""""" FROM THE HUMAN" said papyrus who did not have any money "I CAN GIVE YOU SPAGHETTI"

papryus takes out a can of spaghetti and asks "HOW MUCHWILL THIS BUY"

"all of it" said the smelly man who inhales the spaghetti and opens up his trenchcoat, revealing rows and rows of blunts and joints where knives would normally be, what a nerd!

snadn and papryus accept "all the kush" and drive off happily knowing they made another weird human happy, while the strange man resumes digging in the trash for more food

sand and paprus are now on the highway cruisign home to show all their friends all the cool stuff they bought. all the blunts and joints bounce around in the trunk making a grand old mess of things that annoyign dog is probably in there getting high af. papyrus accidentally hits the gas a bit too far, going 31 MPH and finds that a cop is already two inches hot on his bumper. the bone brothers pull over unaware of the situation at hand as the officer apporaches the vbehicle. his dakr sunglasses glimmer under the reflection of well polished bones and he says

"Sirs are you in possession of weed which is illegal?" with a grisley deep voice

"NO" says papyrus who is smiling

"nah" says sans because he needs a line here

"i got you covered fam" says the officer, who whips out a fat blunt, sticks it in payrus's mouth and gives him a light

"WHAT NOW" says papryus who is unaware he now has cannabis smoke coming out of his eyes

"You're under arrest, fuckers."

quote:

"poo poo why am i in space." Jesus wondered, slowly revolving in the black abyss of blackness and wondering what the gently caress he was doing in such an absurd location. "where is earth."

he tried to recall the last thing he had been doing before being catapulted into this black void like a spacemonkey but conveniently couldn't remember.

"poo poo son im sorry" there was a booming voice.

"huh" said jesus

"I meant to beam you up to heaven but I think I catapulted you too far" said god

"no poo poo sherlock, i'm in the middle of loving nothing"

"im sorry son ill figure this out somehow I promise"

"but aren't-"

"its not very often I get to use my beaming skills see, i prefer to sent most people hurtling to hell-"

"aren't you omnipotent, omniscient, omnibus and omnipresent? Cmon man just teleport me back to your place"

"sorry dude I only have powaz over earth"

There was silence as jesus considered his current predicament, floating in literal nothingness. He gradually floated leftwards (although there wasn't really a 'left', as he was rolling all over the loving place) and bashed his head against a star.

"gently caress that hurt," jesus patted his head and his hair burst into flames. "poo poo poo poo poo poo"

And then the laws of physics remembered that there was no oxygen in space and so the fire subdued to a low crackle.

"so am I stuck here?"

"im sorry bb ill figure something out bye for now my pizza is here"

"you loving-" jesus began, his words being cut off as a gigantic spaceship collided with his face.

"poo poo what the gently caress" a guy with pointy ears and a terrible bowlcut stuck his head out the window. "dude what the fack you doing in my way?" he frantically hit the windshield wipers button in an attempt to gently brush off the slightly 2D jesus. jesus was slammed and crushed by the gigantic, angry wipers. He fell off the bonnet.

"hey can I come in" he asked, brushing down his robes

"why?" asked the man with road rage and a bowlcut

Jesus was about to answer when he noticed that his floaty robe was now floating around his head. While the breezy robe had been beneficial in the holy crib, it apparently wasn't too good for spacewear. His flipflops were also merrily waving goodbye as they hurtled off at dangerous velocities in opposite directions and his beard was also defying gravity and slapping him in the face.

"im bored and this sucks." Jesus said bluntly.

"ok" said the man with the spandex blue suit and a bowlcut, rolling down the window further. "float on in."

Three hours later jesus had finally managed to navigate his way into the window, after floating off in the opposite direction approximately three hundred times, and almost entering orbit of two neighbouring planets multiple times. Eventually he found that the breaststroke was the most efficient method of moving. After these many close shaves with death, he was grateful to eventually get inside the obviously cardboard spaceship. The man with the terrible bowlcut wound the window shut and gravity returned to normal (by earth standards) and jesus banged his head against the floor, his robe finally obeying and returning to its proper, much more dignified position.

"son did I never tell you not to get into cars with strangers" a booming voice resounded

"shut up ok. Space ships donut count. Plus, you're an rear end and got me stuck here in the firstplace so there was no way I was just gonna float around there all day" jesus tantrumed, folding his arms over his chest.

"when you get back here you are totally grounded"

"so what's your name?" asked rebellious jesus, lookingat the man with the bowlcut.

"spud. Like the potato. What about you?"

"jesus. im the son of god, you know" jesus puffed his chest out

"sure you are," spud snorted, combing his bowlcut back into proper order. "do you know how to drive this thing?"

"no. Isn't that your job?" jesus asked, baffled.

"I actually stole this. I usually hit random buttons and it works." He strolled over to the control panel and there was a dramatic camera panning of his face as he randomly hammered the controls. The spaceship lurched, kangarooed, and stalled.

"gently caress" he kicked the control panel and it spluttered back into life. "loving clutch I need an automatic" he steered away from the curb and narrowly avoided being sucked into a black hole as he angrily blasted through stars.

"where are we going?" asked jesus, petting his pet unicorn*.

"im going to reach the end of this blackness"

"huh"

"basic logic is basic; everything has an end. Therefore space has an end. If you keep going in one direction then it must end. Everything started from something so there cant be nothing so there must be an end"

"ok"

"ok."

"are we there yet?" asked jesus, bored.

"no, gently caress off."

Pittsburgh Lambic posted:

no, the best fanfiction ever is Jesus Goes To Space

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6204352/1/Jesus-Goes-To-Space

Sans and Papyrus meet Muhammad in Space posted:

"WHY ARE WE IN SPACE BROTHER" shouted Papyrus and he floated around in the primordial soup of the universe.

"Idk" said Sans who was as usual no help at all.

Indeed, the brothers bones are trapped in space. who knows how they got there or why. in the vast emptiness of the universe you dont have to spare the words to build said universe in your fanfiction. Suddenly, another voice comes from a few feet away

"I am trapped in space too!" said the prophet Muhammad of the religion of peace.

'WHO ARE YOU" said Papyrus before his lower jaw got sucked into the gravity of a nearby star

"I am the prophet Muhammad of the religion of peace! I cannot kneel towards mecca in this state but I can still see my people on earth!" he said

"We know a guy girl person who is all about peace. They wrote a book about it and made a million dollars" snored Sans

"Hold your tongues friends, I see one of my disciples in a 16 wheeler!" said muhammed as he watched a truck of peace inconvenience a lot of people in France.

"What the-" he gasped "Christ! What an rear end in a top hat!" Muhammed growled while shaking his fist

"some people really need to get their facts straight!" whiffed sans with a ba dum tish

"Oh well. Boys will be boys. Do you guys want an autograph of group selfie while we're here?" proclaimed the prophet

"I WANT TO GO HOME" said papyrus as the curtains close on this fanfiction to roaring applause and laughter the end gently caress you

Putty posted:

Christ! What an rear end in a top hat!