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cda

by Hand Knit
i have sex the good way. ladies get at me.

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cda

by Hand Knit
sex is like an art. there's a good way to do it, and a bad way to do it, and I do it the good way, not the bad way

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

alnilam

hey stinkoman, people say you're the good kind of sex guy, but, i want to be the good kind of sex guy too.

Android Blues

I'm the bad kind of sex guy. I'm the kind of sex guy your daughters warned you about. I wear a long moustache and a sport coat. I'm the bad kind of sex guy.

Android Blues

bad sex guy:good sex guy :: the pallid rays of the moon:the smoky warmth of the sun

Android Blues

Bad sex guy has sex like this. Good sex guy? Has sex the other way. *audience cracking up because they all get it immediately*

Android Blues

When the bad sex guy has sex, a wolf howls and an eagle feels desolate. When the good sex guy has sex, a cactus blooms in the desert. A sand vermine scurries from its hole and lets the sand wash over its coat, cleaning it of grit - when the good sex guy has sex.

Android Blues

A household where they have a shrine to the good sex guy and the bad sex guy, and they sacrifice crows for the bad sex guy, and bake biscuits and heavy doughy treats for the one who's good at sex.

Android Blues

Little dishes in front of the good sex guy and the bad sex guy shrines. They go, "mmh," when you weigh them down with an offering, except bad sex man has a sound to him that is more like, "hmmph!". His sport coat is rendered in ivory.

FactsAreUseless

The good sex guy, Spenta Mainyu, battles endlessly in opposition to the bad sex guy, Angra Mainyu. Humanity, of course, is bent over in the middle and getting it at both ends.

FactsAreUseless

Goofus finishes first and wants to watch TV while they do it.

Gallant does the exact same thing because our misogynist culture doesn't value women's sexual needs #YesAllSexGuys

Android Blues

FactsAreUseless posted:

The good sex guy, Spenta Mainyu, battles endlessly in opposition to the bad sex guy, Angra Mainyu. Humanity, of course, is bent over in the middle and getting it at both ends.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Goofus finishes first and wants to watch TV while they do it.

Gallant does the exact same thing because our misogynist culture doesn't value women's sexual needs #YesAllSexGuys

FactsAreUseless

Blaxploitation hero Sexual Jones, a character appearing in more than 35 different films from 1973-1986,[1] is often described in the films as a "bad sex guy."[2] However, the audience is then informed that the characters in the film "can dig it."[3] In this way, Jones can be defined as both a "good sex guy" and a "bad sex guy," a dichotomy that Dr. Cornel West calls "the paradox of black sexuality in white society."[4]

cda

by Hand Knit

Android Blues posted:

When the bad sex guy has sex, a wolf howls and an eagle feels desolate. When the good sex guy has sex, a cactus blooms in the desert. A sand vermine scurries from its hole and lets the sand wash over its coat, cleaning it of grit - when the good sex guy has sex.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

cda

by Hand Knit

FactsAreUseless posted:

Blaxploitation hero Sexual Jones, a character appearing in more than 35 different films from 1973-1986,[1] is often described in the films as a "bad sex guy."[2] However, the audience is then informed that the characters in the film "can dig it."[3] In this way, Jones can be defined as both a "good sex guy" and a "bad sex guy," a dichotomy that Dr. Cornel West calls "the paradox of black sexuality in white society."[4]

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

cda

by Hand Knit
Sex is like pizza: when it's bad, i won't have it, and when it's good, i do

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

FactsAreUseless

Sex is like pizza: it gives you diabetes.

Luvcow

One day nearer spring
good sex guy: me when becky and i were happy in those halcyon days of yesteryear

bad sex guy: that arrogant rear end in a top hat with perfect hair that becky is with now

Manifisto


sex is like pizza: the enjoyability of a pineapple topping depends entirely on the other ingredients

Manifisto


bad sex guy: learns sex moves at dojo run by mean ex-special forces guy

good sex guy: learns sex moves one-on-one as personal slave of maverick retired sex expert, who teaches unusual long-shot technique that is pivotal in winning the love interest's heart at . . . the . . . uh, sex competition?


ty nesamdoom!

Luvcow

One day nearer spring
she beckons me to come to bed, her sultry eyes and naked from enticing me, i approach with one hand held behind my back. as i near her i reveal my hidden surprise, a pineapple. her breath quickens and her eyes dilate as she reaches beneath her pillow, her shaking hands fumbling with an unseen object. my heart stops, fear gripping me as i wait for the reveal, wondering if we are truly compatible.... her hands slowly pull something from the dark, it glistens in the faint light, i can breath again, happiness sweeps over me, its a honey ham.

Manifisto


Luvcow posted:

she beckons me to come to bed, her sultry eyes and naked from enticing me, i approach with one hand held behind my back. as i near her i reveal my hidden surprise, a pineapple. her breath quickens and her eyes dilate as she reaches beneath her pillow, her shaking hands fumbling with an unseen object. my heart stops, fear gripping me as i wait for the reveal, wondering if we are truly compatible.... her hands slowly pull something from the dark, it glistens in the faint light, i can breath again, happiness sweeps over me, its a honey ham.

Android Blues

Manifisto posted:

bad sex guy: learns sex moves at dojo run by mean ex-special forces guy

good sex guy: learns sex moves one-on-one as personal slave of maverick retired sex expert, who teaches unusual long-shot technique that is pivotal in winning the love interest's heart at . . . the . . . uh, sex competition?

Manifisto posted:

sex is like pizza: the enjoyability of a pineapple topping depends entirely on the other ingredients

FactsAreUseless

There are good Sex-men, like Cyclops, and bad ones, like Wolverine, but they can still work together.

Senior Management



Deep into the thick of the Sex World Championships Steve lands the dismount. The crowd goes wild. A single tear runs down his face as the judges hold up their cards. 10 they all say. Finally, Steve is a good sex guy.

:jerry:

Senior Management



Draped in a American flag, Steve stands atop the podium. He is flanked by a disappointed Finn and weeping Hungarian. They despair in their inferior medals. Steve has claimed the gold. Finally America has a true champion. Steve the most good sex guy in the world. Gold Medalist Freestyle Gay Division. A national hero.

:jerry:

FutonForensic

Vynar posted:

Deep into the thick of the Sex World Championships Steve lands the dismount. The crowd goes wild. A single tear runs down his face as the judges hold up their cards. 10 they all say. Finally, Steve is a good sex guy.


Bacon Taco

Now with extra narwhal meat!
HAIKOOLIGAN
Bad Sex Guy: all guys, let's be real here

Good Sex Guy: the platonic ideal to which all bad sexhavers should aspire, although few do. Achieving such a platonic ideal cannot be done due to Zeno's Paradox, but like Sisyphus those bad sexhavers who wish to improve just keep pushing a rock uphill. Except instead of a rock, it's boobs. Really big boobs.



vanisher

(filling out medical questionnaire)

Please select Good or Bad for the following:
Smoking:______
Sex Guy: ______
Drug Use: ______
Allergies: _____

Senior Management



The name's Sex Guy, Bad Sex Guy. Gaze into my seductive fedora eyes.

:jerry:

Piso Mojado

Was it good for you ma'am? Of course it was, because when it cones to sex...im as good as it gets. *fans and spins penis around hand in a flourish before holsterring it with a tip of my hat*

Piso Mojado

Android Blues posted:

I'm the bad kind of sex guy. I'm the kind of sex guy your daughters warned you about. I wear a long moustache and a sport coat. I'm the bad kind of sex guy.

Piso Mojado

bad sex guy, talking about sex - the sex? guhh! gah! duurrrrr!


me (good sex guy), talking about sex - *elegantly recites beautiful sexual prose in 4 different languages, causing several people to dramatically fan thenselves before fainting*

Senior Management



Diligently, the bad sex guy watches youtube tutorials hoping to one day improve.

:jerry:

FactsAreUseless

I'm the good kind of SEX GUY. *guitar riff* Yeah the good kind of SEX! GUY! *guitar riff*

Uxzuigal

Chill Berserker Dude
Bad Sex, Good Sex guy detains a virgin:
We can do it the bad way or the good way... What's it gonna be?
Virgin: But Im innocent!!

<3 <3 Vanisher

Manifisto


bad s*x guy: kenny g
good s*x guy: branford marsalis

and I'm not talking about sax

google THIS

I am the good sex guy. I sit in the lotus position, meditating on the good sex. I appear to be levitating, but actually I am...oh ho ho, you probably thought I was going to say that I was balancing on my large member, but no, the good sex guy is beyond such frivolously crude humor. No, I actually am hovering off the ground, because I am such a good sex guy, and because my penis is so large its gravitational field can hold me aloft.

FactsAreUseless

Good sex guy: tantric meditation
Bad sex guy: tantric-or-treat

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Manifisto


I am not a good sex guy, I am a great sex guy. I have long surpassed simple binary, trinary, or even human-spectrum gender roles. I'm on a whole new level, the fungus level. did you know they have 36,000 sexes? the fungus kama sutra is mind-bogglingly big and I am mastering it. I am crushing it. I am not sure I have time to sex you, but come by in case I can fit you in, and please bring some perky young chanterelles.


ty nesamdoom!

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