| you would kill me, in a chill, easy way | |
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Apr 3, 2017 20:00
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 02:20 |
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if you need some start er ideas: i find watching fish in an aquarium to be very relaxing, so maybe something with fish i don't like needles, guns, or being eaten from the inside by wasp larvae, so probably not any of those i wan t to feel loved ---------------- |
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Apr 3, 2017 20:03
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Perhaps you could find a large fish and stuff yourself into its mouth, (maybe not a real fish?) and launch yourself into space
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Apr 3, 2017 20:22
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You could perform a ritual or cast a spell to turn yourself into a log. I'm sure if you're not comfortable with preforming the proper steps you could find a warlock or witch doctor willing to preform such a task. Transforming into something that isn't alive doesn't kill you though, it just ends your life, so I'm not sure that counts. Eat a few rocks everyday until your are made entirely of stone |
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Apr 3, 2017 20:27
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Have someone double-bounce you on a trampoline. |
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Apr 3, 2017 20:35
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Ride in a barrel over a tall waterfall such as Angel or Yumbilla falls. You and the barrel with become mist before your reach the bottom. E: Not in a violent way mind you, in a nice peaceful evaporative way |
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Apr 3, 2017 20:37
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I would let you live you life slightly irresponsibly, encouraging you to indulge your vices and passions just a bit more than strictly necessary, freeing you from a life filled with regret but dooming you to a slightly reduced lifespan due to the accumulated wear and tear from these positive experiences |
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Apr 3, 2017 20:39
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Manifisto posted:I would let you live you life slightly irresponsibly, encouraging you to indulge your vices and passions just a bit more than strictly necessary, freeing you from a life filled with regret but dooming you to a slightly reduced lifespan due to the accumulated wear and tear from these positive experiences Nice try but attachment leads to suffering ---------------- |
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Apr 3, 2017 21:12
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Historical Wizards posted:You could perform a ritual or cast a spell to turn yourself into a log. I'm sure if you're not comfortable with preforming the proper steps you could find a warlock or witch doctor willing to preform such a task. i've read sylvester and the magic pebble. life as a stone/inanimate object is pretty bad at first for a formerly living being ---------------- |
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Apr 3, 2017 21:13
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FactsAreUseless posted:Have someone double-bounce you on a trampoline. Keep talking, I'm listening ---------------- |
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Apr 3, 2017 21:13
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Historical Wizards posted:Perhaps you could find a large fish and stuff yourself into its mouth, (maybe not a real fish?) and launch yourself into space I dont like being eaten by fish, just watching them ---------------- |
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Apr 3, 2017 21:13
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cda posted:Nice try but attachment leads to suffering for you I will spring for the fancier but moderately pricier form of attachment that only leads to an occasional moment of ennui |
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Apr 3, 2017 21:39
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cda posted:i've read sylvester and the magic pebble. life as a stone/inanimate object is pretty bad at first for a formerly living being Naw man, you would be a non-living thing, you wouldn't have a "life" |
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Apr 3, 2017 21:51
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Well really, you wouldn't be at all. You would cease to be, but there would be a stone that was once you, but isn't you now
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Apr 3, 2017 21:54
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What if I make a giant wasp which injects you with its... No, wait... I'm loving this up... Sorry... |
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Apr 3, 2017 22:10
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Starshark posted:What if I make a giant wasp which injects you with its... No, wait... I'm loving this up... Sorry... That's ok, back to the drawing board! Failure is the mother of finding me an easy, mellow way out of the hellish cage of human consciousness |
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Apr 3, 2017 22:27
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cda posted:Keep talking, I'm listening |
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Apr 3, 2017 23:36
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try drinking yourself to death. take it from me, it's real chill.
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Apr 3, 2017 23:37
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Apr 4, 2017 01:06
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I'd get you mondo high, and then stuff you into a mondo-sized cream puff, cream puff. you would either asphyxiate or choke from the munchies, but you would be so high you probably wouldn't notice until about five minutes after you're actually dead. best part is, your ghost would be mondo high in heaven forever. that's the secret, you see - your afterlife is based on your emotional state when you died. so face death with a smile, and your eternity will be eternally happy. ---------------- |
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Apr 4, 2017 01:13
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Kthulhu5000 posted:I'd get you mondo high, and then stuff you into a mondo-sized cream puff, cream puff. you would either asphyxiate or choke from the munchies, but you would be so high you probably wouldn't notice until about five minutes after you're actually dead. i like the cut of your jib
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Apr 4, 2017 01:26
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I may have shared this before but I will pass on my perfect death to you my friend. First things first, you are going to need a great many burritos. I cannot emphasis enough that you are going to need enough burritos for an insane emperor's celebratory feast. If you think you have enough burritos then you would be wrong my friend. Without any long term expenses you can freely liquidate all assets and convert them to burritos. Just keep your car and a garage. Now fill your car with the burritos and drive into your garage. Close the doors and seal all the windows. You want that garage airtight. At some point make sure that you turned off the engine because it would be to dangerous to leave it on. Carbon-monoxide is too deadly to mess with. Now it is time to die with honor. Get into your car and roll up all the windows. Start eating burritos and do not stop until you cannot take any more. I probably should have reminded you to get a drink. Keep the windows rolled up and keep eating. Soon you be alone in the car with nothing but your own farts. Somberly slip away into the abyss as you are overwhelmed by the farts. Do not roll down the windows. Embrace the sweet end you crave as all the air in your car is replaced by burrito farts.
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Apr 4, 2017 01:47
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Vynar posted:I may have shared this before but I will pass on my perfect death to you my friend. First things first, you are going to need a great many burritos. I cannot emphasis enough that you are going to need enough burritos for an insane emperor's celebratory feast. If you think you have enough burritos then you would be wrong my friend. Without any long term expenses you can freely liquidate all assets and convert them to burritos. Just keep your car and a garage. Now fill your car with the burritos and drive into your garage. Close the doors and seal all the windows. You want that garage airtight. At some point make sure that you turned off the engine because it would be to dangerous to leave it on. Carbon-monoxide is too deadly to mess with. Now it is time to die with honor. Get into your car and roll up all the windows. Start eating burritos and do not stop until you cannot take any more. I probably should have reminded you to get a drink. Keep the windows rolled up and keep eating. Soon you be alone in the car with nothing but your own farts. Somberly slip away into the abyss as you are overwhelmed by the farts. Do not roll down the windows. Embrace the sweet end you crave as all the air in your car is replaced by burrito farts. "Why would anybody need...that many goddamn burritos?" -observer of the goddamn burrito death car
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Apr 4, 2017 01:50
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First find a really steep hill, AVOID sheer drops it needs to be a proper slope. Next get some heavy duty no-stick spay, the slicker the better. Thoroughly coat yourself in your slippery substance of choice, like completely covered, this is important. Then fold yourself upon yourself numerous times until you are fairly flat, and start to slide down the hill. You should be so slippery and moving at such speed by the time you reach the bottom that you will slide right though the crust of the earth and quickly meet a rather pleasant pressure/heat death.
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Apr 4, 2017 01:54
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https://youtu.be/i9iZCtlKMG0?t=584 |
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Apr 4, 2017 02:13
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chill in a hammock with enough dog and cat friends to cuddle that eventually your body is pushed thru the hammock strings like veggies in a cube chopper
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Apr 4, 2017 05:01
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i would shove u in a pool and then throw a bunch of gelatin packets in and some ice cubes to jello-fy u like really fast and stuff i mean u technically will be preserved in lime jello but u r also not alive and then i can sleep easy at nite knowing i didnt actually murder somebody and u can probably sleep like forever and have cool dreams in jello-stasis
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Apr 4, 2017 07:27
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just find a djinn and be like "my first wish is an easy death and release from this mortal cage" after that you're free bro go hog wild. the djinn will then give you the world's most empathetic fistbump and snap its fingers and thats it ur gone
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Apr 4, 2017 07:51
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FactsAreUseless posted:Have someone double-bounce you on a trampoline. I did a backflip on a trampoline and nearly crossed into another dimension. |
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Apr 4, 2017 07:53
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Historical Wizards posted:Perhaps you could find a large fish and stuff yourself into its mouth, (maybe not a real fish?) and launch yourself into space tried it. turned out the fish was surprisingly adapted to space travel. we had all manner of adventures but now I'm just back here. Historical Wizards posted:You could perform a ritual or cast a spell to turn yourself into a log. I'm sure if you're not comfortable with preforming the proper steps you could find a warlock or witch doctor willing to preform such a task. done and done. The log ended up hewn into a great staff by a powerful warlock who went around turning random logs into very confused people. eventually in a very complex ritual, adventurers turned the staff back into me. the stone thing didn't work out at all. I just have crazy good digestion now. scientists say its because I somehow have 5% crocodile DNA and they turned into gastroliths, probably from the space traveling thing. |
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Apr 4, 2017 08:06
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FactsAreUseless posted:Have someone double-bounce you on a trampoline. We passed the double and triple bounce barriers without much threat of a chill death. We've shattered all the boundaries. It was a massive project at CERN, the Nylon-Latex Elastic Collider. Finally, the experimental parameters were set for a quadruple bounce... something never before done. I rocketed out of the chamber and vanished, finding myself bouncing from life to life, hoping to put right where once was wrong, and hoping with each bounce the next bounce would be the bounce home. Which happened like, only thirty days later. |
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Apr 4, 2017 08:09
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Historical Wizards posted:Ride in a barrel over a tall waterfall such as Angel or Yumbilla falls. You and the barrel with become mist before your reach the bottom. I thought the same, but the barrel, speeding with terrible momentum, just quantum tunneled right through the ground into the land of the mole people. They were pretty chill, but they didn't even understand the concept of a chill death or death at all, until we mounted an expedition to the surface. Unfortunately, contact with the argon in our atmosphere immediately turned them to ash. So much for an 'inert' gas. |
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Apr 4, 2017 08:11
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Manifisto posted:I would let you live you life slightly irresponsibly, encouraging you to indulge your vices and passions just a bit more than strictly necessary, freeing you from a life filled with regret but dooming you to a slightly reduced lifespan due to the accumulated wear and tear from these positive experiences This is tricky, because you might find yourself accidentally doing things that make you healthier. Like apparently marathon running can result in kidney damage, they're finding out? so you'll be sitting there at like 95 years olds while your buds are like 'ohhh... my kidneys are all hosed up man... ugh...' and you're just shrugging. |
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Apr 4, 2017 08:13
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Kthulhu5000 posted:I'd get you mondo high, and then stuff you into a mondo-sized cream puff, cream puff. you would either asphyxiate or choke from the munchies, but you would be so high you probably wouldn't notice until about five minutes after you're actually dead. works but only for a little while. God's brother Gary is a huge stoner and we immediately became incredibly good buds since unlike the angels I never had to steal from his stash of incredibly dank Heaven Weed. Unfortunately, God got insanely jealous of how happy Gary and I were when he's really bummed out all the time and totally refuses any sort of medicinal treatment for his anxiety. He banished me to this insane labyrinth which I eventually recognize as an obscure turn off of the New Jersey Turnpike and I took a greyhound home (sucks so hard, it was like 4 days). |
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Apr 4, 2017 08:17
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Lastgirl posted:i would shove u in a pool and then throw a bunch of gelatin packets in and some ice cubes to jello-fy u like really fast and stuff oh yeah this is a real good idea... until the pool gets struck by lightning, and you end up surfacing as half lime jello, half-man, or as I termed myself, 'Swamp Thing But With Jello Instead of Swamp Water And Plants And Such', which never really caught on. but I did get to bring criminals to justice for a while. |
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Apr 4, 2017 08:20
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City of Glompton posted:chill in a hammock with enough dog and cat friends to cuddle that eventually your body is pushed thru the hammock strings like veggies in a cube chopper probably would work... but I can't lay in a hammock too long. messes with my back. which I guess is the idea as it dismantles your back, but drat, can't get any progress tossing and turning. |
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Apr 4, 2017 08:22
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Socks4Hands posted:just find a djinn and be like "my first wish is an easy death and release from this mortal cage" after that you're free bro go hog wild. the djinn will then give you the world's most empathetic fistbump and snap its fingers and thats it ur gone your chances of finding a non-trickster djinn to do this are next to nothing. i mean... that sounds kind of racist, I know, it's a generalization and not all djinn are the same. but i've never met a genie that could fulfill a drat straight wish. last one I wished almost exactly this wish, and he was like 'Ha! Easy death, huh?' and he gently swatted an ant that was crawling on the table we were chillin at. Then he made me immortal, cackling wickedly as he said 'now you are free from the MORTAL cage...' |
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Apr 4, 2017 08:24
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my dog died im sad posted:I did a backflip on a trampoline and nearly crossed into another dimension. clearly you worked at the test facility, we should compare notes |
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Apr 4, 2017 08:25
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Historical Wizards posted:First find a really steep hill, AVOID sheer drops it needs to be a proper slope. Next get some heavy duty no-stick spay, the slicker the better. Thoroughly coat yourself in your slippery substance of choice, like completely covered, this is important. Then fold yourself upon yourself numerous times until you are fairly flat, and start to slide down the hill. You should be so slippery and moving at such speed by the time you reach the bottom that you will slide right though the crust of the earth and quickly meet a rather pleasant pressure/heat death. I actually did this to try to get back to the land of the mole people. Did not work at all. I just became completely frictionless, which sounds cool at first but you can't hold onto anything or relax, you're just always gliding somewhere. scientists chased me ALL THE TIME. the military tried to shoot me even when I slid into a restricted base, I swore I had no control over where I was going, but all their hardware just slid right off. i felt really bad, some of them were crying, it was the exact opposite of chill. eventually I solved this problem by being transformed into a log by an evil wizard. |
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Apr 4, 2017 08:28
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 02:20 |
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joke_explainer posted:oh yeah this is a real good idea... until the pool gets struck by lightning, and you end up surfacing as half lime jello, half-man, or as I termed myself, 'Swamp Thing But With Jello Instead of Swamp Water And Plants And Such', which never really caught on. but I did get to bring criminals to justice for a while. im sure thats covered in the health insurance bit specifically fam
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Apr 4, 2017 08:31
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