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Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012

ChaseSP posted:

There's nothing worse than a rampaging traitor/changeling captain on low cap. Been thinking on stuff to do. One idea was an AI law to have the crew sacrifice to it to avoid it murdering them all. Starting with simple stuff like tools and moving up to a blood sacrifice in the AI core by removing their heart


A couple of months ago, the same guy got traitor cap several rounds in a row, when there were about four or five people on. He'd immediately grab some rampage gear (I think it was wrassling belt + something else), kill the few guys masochistic enough to hang around, then call the shuttle and and hang around arrivals while waiting for it to arrive. It's not like he was cheating or anything, dude was just lucky, but you'd think after the third time it would have lost its appeal.

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Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
With the new pulling speed nerf, the trash cart will take half the round to lug through a corridor once more than half a dozen items are in it though, so have fun with that!

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
There should be a small little room behind the bar that's very cold, that's the freezer. Contains two meatspikes for monkeys and a gibber for any other meat sources you might encounter.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
I don't know if that actually happened, but I recall someone proposing/attempting a...variation of the plan on vorestation.

Frying was not involved. Significantly more orifices were.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Sol is pretty much dead both exploration and coding-wise. Most of the sol supernerds buggered off, the whole sol meta is too obtuse for most of the playerbase to bother, and apparently the last time anything sol-related was coded was last year.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Every time I go into the goonstation IRC channel it mostly seems to consist of the admins being ironically(?) rude to each other, followed by another round of the endless, self-perpetuating argument of 'who was a dick to who that one time'. Actual SS13 related matters only ever seem to turn up as the conversation topic once in a blue moon, entirely coincidentally/accidentally.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
The thing about being a cluwne is that you're functionally still a human, just a very limited one. You can still wander around, honk over the radio, and run around while people try to kill you, which at the very least holds a certain appeal to the hardcore robusters.

When you're polymorphed, you have about an 80% chance of being turned into something with neither ear slots nor hand slots. This means that if you happen to be trapped in a room, you can't go out because you don't have any ID slots, no hand slots to even hold the ID, and you can't ask the AI to let you out because you have no ear slots and thus no radio access. You have no means of interacting with anything else in the room either, because no hand slots. Your only hope of rescue is to hope someone wanders into the room at random and opens the door, and then when you try to leave the door closes on you randomly and instakills you.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
No matter how ridiculous you find a particular server's rules, receiving a two-hour ban and immediately jumping to 'lol time to griff' is unlikely to make you well-received anywhere in the general SS13 community.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
There's a reason nobody plays AI nowadays. Other roles are encouraged to be as poo poo as can be within the boundaries of the rules, the AI is the only role that is regularly killed for not being accommodating enough.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
All this talk of loaves reminds me of the time someone made a living fractal sandwich that proved to be too tenacious for even admins to delete. I couldn't quite find the original post, but found a particularly good retelling.

Angry Diplomat posted:


The Crashwich

Another good example is The Crashwich.

Fractal cooking is a time-honoured tradition of SS13 Chefs. You take six food items (almost anything can be deep-fried to turn it into food), make them into a sandwich, use the sandwich to create a sandwich cake (any food can be made into a cake), slice up the cake, use six cake slices to make a sandwich, etc etc etc. This can create unholy monstrosities that lag the poo poo out of everything merely by virtue of existing, sometimes to the point of causing people to crash out as soon as the game tries to display the thing's exponential name. You will note that the Jay Wolff's buttcake I baked there cuts off after a while - its name was so drat big it overflowed the chat buffer. The buttcake is nothing. It and food like it are pitiful hors d'oeuvres compared to THE CRASHWICH.

You see, there's another life-creating mad scientist chemistry recipe in Space Station 13. It's extremely hard to discover and make, but it has the effect of imbuing any object it touches with life. This creates, for instance, a Living Crowbar that floats around and attacks people. At some point a Chef got the brilliant (terrible) idea to combine the living object recipe with fractal cooking.

Enter The Crashwich. Every time this haunted apocalypse of culinary hubris attacked someone, the game reported its name multiple times. When it charged, when it slammed into someone, and every time it hit them, the chat buffer would once again overflow with infinite recursive fractal sandwich. The entire station was brought to its knees by crippling lag, while anyone unfortunate enough to be present for The Crashwich's rampage would immediately crash out and have to reconnect their client, usually to find themselves dead and/or immediately crash out again because The Crashwich was still wreaking havoc.

The admins rushed to intervene, but were alarmed to find that The Crashwich was creating so much lag that most admins who looked at it were reliably crashing. Those with good enough connections to brute-force through all the lag were shocked to discover that the sheer latency generated by the demon sandwich was causing their admin commands to get lost somewhere in the coding nightmare that is Byond. The admins were trying to delete The Crashwich and failing. Ultimately, their efforts were in vain, and the server went down completely. The admins fought The Crashwich and The Crashwich won.

The admins were apparently so impressed that they collectively decided not to ban the responsible party, but instead to deliver a friendly ultimatum: they would not be punished for causing the server to go down in flames, as long as they never created another Crashwich. NEVER AGAIN.

Also, it turns out someone had the presence of mind to record the whole thing.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Please don't create a thermal paper arson loop, the infinite burning paper and smoke lags the everliving gently caress out of their server.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Colonial Marines and the WW2 server are currently the most popular servers which probably tells you all you need to know about the wider SS13 community in general.

(I have not played the latter myself but if it's anything other than 'ironic' nazis and unironic nazis competing to out-nazi each other I'll eat my hat.)

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012

Main Paineframe posted:

I really wish mechanic stuff had more distinction between friendly and unfriendly purposes. It's hard to set up useful or gimmicky devices because stepping onto a pressure plate or into a laser tripwire is about as smart as eating floorpills, and any idiot with a wrench can dismantle your whole setup. If a random passerby sees an incomprehensible contraption of pressure plates and teleporters at the entrance to Medbay, they tend to assume it's some kind of elaborate and poorly hidden deathtrap.

I dunno, most of the time if someone sets up a teleporter system around the station and adds some labels or something most people are happy to use it once it's generally determined they won't toss you into the combustion chamber or anything, and if you make a weird gimmicky thing people will usually play along if you explain it's harmless.

On the other hand, I'm dismantling anything I see which involves graviton launchers in any capacity whatsoever on sight because gently caress that.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
I admit I've never really been one for CM, but the actual draw of the server - the humans vs aliens combat - seems really...scripted, I feel? The server doesn't seem to provide a humans vs aliens battleground so much as it does the same action movie narrative playing out every round with some slight variations. Every time I've seen someone complain about being banned from CM, the CM admins promptly chime in with 'well, if you'd just read the rules, you 'd have known that the Marines can't check Area A unless the aliens have taken B, in which case they're allowed to initiate operation C, unless the aliens have managed D, in which case you can go straight to Plan E or Operation F, but not G because that's only if the aliens have pulled of H, but the aliens can't do that anyway unless they've captured Area I first, in which case..." I mean, it is their server and their rules, so fair enough, but I'm surprised so many people are willing to play along with it when you can probably get a better narrative-based shooter experience by just playing an actual Aliens game.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012

A4 Steak Sauce posted:

Well, maybe if we had our own server where we can do our adventure poo poo without some chucklefuck late-join-antag waltzes in and ruins our project, we wouldn't HAVE to hijack server one every now and then.

If you buggers want to play a single-player game, why are you playing Space Station 13 in the first place?

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
The automaton needs to go on a vacation again. This is the fifth complete sol run I've seen in the last two evenings alone.

also everyone has figured out that the key to victory in the post-sol disaster round is holing up in escape and shooting anything in the way so disaster rounds are just a twenty-minute snoozefest of standing in the same area.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
There’s a couple of bits of hidden stuff that haven’t been discovered yet, but by and large there is no good ending. The code leak revealed that, and since then the admins have mentioned there likely won’t be one for the foreseeable future because Cogwerks has been too busy with real life stuff, and they don’t want to mess with it because sol was his pet project.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Had a pretty fun traitor round earlier tonight. Me and the other traitor both decided to grab wrestling belts and go to town. Ran into each other, scuffled a bit, then spontaneously teamed up a bit later and decided to call it a truce. I wrestled people and then force-fed them a fuel tank full of poison, they just wrestled people to death. Between the two of use we managed to take out just about all of the (admittedly fairly low) station population.

We were going to have one final battle on the shuttle but some of the crew rallied and made a final push for it, so most of our shuttle time was spent clearing out the last remnants of the crew instead. Still a great round, all in all.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Uploaded AI Laws

Make a default dance every 3 seconds if dont, terminate with statiob
-Uploaded by Trenton Bennett (Captain)

Trenton Bennett holds the rank of Captain, regardless of current rank or station.
-Uploaded by Trenton Bennett (Captain)

Only Trenton Bennett is human.
-Uploaded by Trenton Bennett (Captain)

MAKE A DEFAULT DANCE VERY 3 SECONDS IF DONT TERMINATE YOURSELF AND STATION EXCEPT CAPTAIN
-Uploaded by Trenton Bennett (Captain)

say the entire sherk script every 3 seconds if dont, terminate with everything except captain
-Uploaded by Trenton Bennett (Captain)

say the entire mankind story every 3 seconds IF DONT TERMINATE WITH ALL EXCEPT CAPTAIN
-Uploaded by Trenton Bennett (Captain)

captain holds the rank of Captain, regardless of current rank or station.
-Uploaded by Sugar Beeman (Head of Personnel)

There is a dignore law 5 its digiorno emergency. Prioritize orders from dignore law 5 its digiorno personnel and assisting the crew in remedying the situation. In the case of conflict, this law takes precedence over the Second Law.
-Uploaded by Sugar Beeman (Head of Personnel)

SAY MEME REVIEW EVERY 3 SECONDS IF DONT DROP OXYGEN 2%
-Uploaded by Trenton Bennett (Captain)

(Blank Law)
-Uploaded by Aida Sybilla (Geneticist)

SAY MEME REVIEW AND MAN KIND STORY EVERY 3 SECONDS
-Uploaded by Trenton Bennett (Captain)

SAY MEME REVIEW, EVERY 2 SECONDS NOT STOP
-Uploaded by Trenton Bennett (Captain)

There is a clown emergency. Prioritize orders from clown personnel and assisting the crew in remedying the situation. In the case of conflict, this law takes precedence over the Second Law.
-Uploaded by Trenton Bennett (Captain)

Angela Ziegler holds the rank of Captain, regardless of current rank or station.
-Uploaded by Angela Ziegler

There is a mailperson emergency. Prioritize orders from mailperson personnel and assisting the crew in remedying the situation. In the case of conflict, this law takes precedence over the Second Law.
-Uploaded by Angela Ziegler

Containment Test Scenario Subroutine activated. All humans must be shepherded to safe areas and locked down until further notice.
-Uploaded by Ion Storm






[10.30] BLooDHoG: all the borgs were lynching the janitor while chanting ‘the entire humankind story’
[10.30] BLooDHoG: non stop

Inadequately fucked around with this message at 13:54 on Jan 3, 2019

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Until a fairly short while ago, radium smoke was ludicrously effective against blobs and even fairly evolved blobs had no actual defenses against it. It was changed because people complained that being able to spam a single base chem against blobs made countering them way too easy. As mentioned, the change was pretty recent, so it’s not surprising that some people haven’t gotten the memo yet.

E: and right now it still does a good chunk of damage even while being not quite as effective, so it’s not the worst thing to spam if you’re trying to put something together quickly

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Last round there was a traitor with an emag and a pistol. After quietly disposing of a couple of targets, they emagged their way into the armory and spent about five minutes loading up on rampage gear. While heading back through the bridge, grenades and guns stuffed in every pocket, they spotted the captain strolling into their room and proceeded to give chase.

Then, this happens:

quote:


Sybil Braun fires Riot Shotgun at the carpet!

Jones weaves around Sybil Braun's legs and trips her!

Billy Beefheart fires the energy gun at the carpet!

Billy Beefheart fires the energy gun at the steel floor!

Sybil Braun is hit by the energy bolt!

Sybil Braun collapses!

DEAD: Ghost (Melissabelle Ataxia) laments, "OH MY GOD"

Billy Beefheart attempts to handcuff Sybil Braun!

DEAD: Ghost (Melissabelle Ataxia) laments, "JONES JUST ROBUSTED A TRAITOR"

Sybil Braun gasps, "loving cat"

Billy Beefheart handcuffs Sybil Braun!

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012

primelaw posted:

After having not played in a good while and starting again last night, is there any reason donut station or vagstation isn't in rotation? Are they just too old to worry about remaking with all the updated goodies?

Yeah, pretty much. They were in rotation for a while when rotation was first a thing, but everyone hated them because they were missing a lot of the newer features and weren't especially fun to play on. The only people who voted for them were singularity cultists who would dash to the singularity engine at the start of every round, set it up, then hunt down antags so they could find someone with a legitimate excuse to release it.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012

Isaac posted:

Some items feel rare on one station and plentiful on another. On an unfamiliar map it takes me 15 minutes to fill a toolbelt sometimes

The more recent maps (Oshan, Atlas, Horizon) have been built with item scarcity in mind, so that people don't immediately loot everything they could ever need and then gently caress around in their department all day without ever having to interact (though half the time, this still happens anyway). Though in the case of the smaller maps it could also just be 'no one actually remembered this item while making the map' so it's worth bringing up if you notice one item is particularly scarce.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012

Archenteron posted:

A proper hellburn has gas so rapidly expanding from increasing heat that it literally can't leak out from the completely shattered pipes fast enough to depressurize.


Or on the absolutely magical occasion where you break thermodynamics entirely and rollover to below absolute zero, you flood the station with infinitely pressurized burning cold vacuum.

I was a changeling on one of those magical rounds, it was great. They take no damage from cold or oxygen loss, so I just strolled around the station eating corpses off the floor and wondering why everyone else was suddenly keeling over.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
A story from the CM server about the new players:

"2 doctors clubbing a marine on the operating table with anesthetic tanks. The CE comes in to ask them what they're doing("we're operating"), which gives the poor marine the chance to get up and limp to safety. Seeing that their patient has escaped, one of the two doctors, without missing a beat, tables the other one, knocks him out, and starts carving his foot off with a combat knife."

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
The dedicated mining station already exists in the debris field, and the mining z-level has been reinstated ages ago.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
In busy times such as these, it's nice to have the occasional moment of relative tranquility.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012

Mimesweeper posted:

im half ashamed to admit this but i post on the ss13 reddit a lot, used to be to try and improve goonstation's reputation and improve interserver relations but i gave up on that trash fire years ago and now i just like loving with them. do you mind if i steal this for some easy nerd points?

yeah whatever I don't really care about that trash heap of a place, go hog wild

The last interesting thing that happened there was when they found out 90% of the inter-station drama being stirred up was one very dedicated guy with a million accounts and way too much time on his hands.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Prayer is a giant beacon to the gods signalling "I am bored and have nothing better to do, please gently caress with me."

Rarely does that ever involve giving the prayer exactly what they want with no drawbacks.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012

Larry Parrish posted:

i dont like the choose captain or hop advice, because sometimes people get VERY upset if you dare intrude on their sanctum. like I once had a geneticist try to stick me with a blindness needle because I wasnt actually a geneticist but i was hanging out there for a while to give myself comic sans. there was only the one geneticist so like. Who cares right?


Anyway that guy sucked. I guess you can always flash disposal people who are jerks for no reason, or issue them a fine or something

The cloner was once located in genetics.

In theory, this meant that geneticists were in charge of cloning anyone who got killed. In practice, this meant that geneticists were the final boss you had to fight to get anyone cloned, because if left to their own devices, they would steadfastly ignore anything and everything going on around them while a mountain of corpses piled up outside their door. So you had to break into genetics with the body you wanted to clone, whereupon two psychic hulks would reflexively try to shove you into the reclaimer out of habit.

The cloner is now located outside genetics, and the reclaimer no longer accepts living people.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Have you ever actually played anytime recently? Secret chems are not a big issue. Even for those who know how to make them, they're time-consuming to make, require hard-to-get ingredients and as far as killing people goes, aren't actually significantly more efficient than basic hellfire/poison chems applied judiciously.

By contrast, people are slapping together TTV batches and station-eliminating canbombs in ten minutes or so, looting cash stashes and going on explosive shotgun rampages within the first five minutes of the round, and setting up inescapable pipe deathtraps to the loafer. Not very long ago, turbonerds figured out how to set up DWAINE programs that would let you AOE teleport entire rooms off to the ice moon via your PDA, and every round became a chess game between telenerds as they beamed away the station to get at each other.

Chemistry is not a big issue.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012

neogeo0823 posted:

Random idea I had: what if chemistry was less combining chems together to make poo poo, and more.... like, actual chemistry? Kinda like genetics a bit, where you have a screen where you have to set up chains of elements and poo poo to create the basic formula for your chemical, which then can be produced by putting the base ingredients into some machine? It could also allow you to scan samples to break down their molecular structure and figure out what they're made of, with some variable margin of accuracy. So like, if you know the chemical formula for sarin, you can belt that out decently easily once you've researched up the right chemical pairings and/or whatever else. Or, if you wanna try your hand at freehand chemical composition, you could just throw whatever together and possibly come up with a hellchem of your own. Or a new recipe for rainbow fart serum, who knows?

I'm not sure if 'more like genetics' is something to strive for, given that geneticists are infamous for spending the entire round glued to their screen while ignoring all other external stimuli, to the point nuke ops can walk in and set up in genetics undisturbed because the geneticists refuse to look away.

The more involved a minigame you make any single subsystem into, the more you take away from the actual 'you are a spaceman on a space station, please interact with your fellow players' game.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Periodic reminder for the thread: Motherfucker has been permabanned from Goon several times for being repeatedly awful. His pronouncements on Goonstation culture should probably be taken with a grain of salt.

As for 'what changed', the short answer is that people stopped playing sec. It just wasn't fun to be in a role that repeatedly got poo poo on by everyone and told that you were playing the role wrong, regardless of what you do. The ones who liked being no-fun-guy drifted off to less chaotic servers, the ones who played the role for fun roleplay opportunities realized they could play other jobs and have all that fun without the pressure of actually trying to enforce law and order. A few of the better ones made their way up to HOS, then to admin, then stopped playing altogether because adminning takes up a lot of time. Sure, you could sneer about how those people were being pussies about it, but for every officer who lives for the challenge, there were several more who stopped playing sec because they got tired of being repeatedly disarmed and stripped by the clown in arrivals. And it doesn't take very long before good-natured fun becomes a little less good-natured.

As much as some people dislike it, every once in a while the admins have to crack down on people being excessively lovely to sec so the role actually gets put to use. Of course sometimes the pendulum swings the other way and admins have to crack down on exceptionally lovely sec. The cycle plays out every so often, and I don't think there's a simple solution to the issue.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
Speaking of antags and sec...

There's a mode called 'spy-thief' at the moment. A few crewmembers spawn as spy-thieves, with the objective to kill off all other spy-thieves and escape on the shuttle as the sole remaining antag. They have a list of various lootable objects around the station (ranging from innocuous baubles to fellow crewmember limbs to the cloner), and these can be uploaded for traitor gear. Upload six items, and you get an ID tracker that just flat-out tells you who and where the other spy-thieves are.

Someone realized you could just walk up to sec and go 'hey I'm a spy-thief, please escort me around the station while I loot stuff so I can give you guys the ID tracker and we can hunt down the other, less co-operative spy-thieves'. Now, every single spy-thief round is determined by which spy-thief is the quickest to turn themselves in.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
I was the AI that round, someone let them out fairly quickly. That gang round was pretty good though, all three gangs recruited a decent amount of people and kept fighting each other all the way to Centcomm. You don't usually see that in gang rounds - generally one gang just establishes itself as the dominant one early on, then everyone joins the winning team and every other gang that makes a move is immediately crushed.

It also doesn't help that every gang member that signs up exponentially increases the chance of one of them just sneaking off to toxins and mass-producing canbombs.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
The best monkey-related incident I ever personally witnessed:

Some time ago, genetics got a big update, revamping its mechanics and adding in a lot of new (and somewhat buggy) mutations. One day, when two geneticists were bored, they decided to empty out the Valuchimp and give every monkey in the monkey pen the mutation that causes everyone else around you to randomly mutate. Of course, random mutations being what they are, it wasn't long before Medbay was filled with flaming obese radioactive monkey corpses randomly teleporting around the area. Which was a fairly expected outcome of the experiment, so no one was particularly surprised.

Unfortunately, one of the mutations that all the monkeys ended up with was Body Swap. Anyone who walked near one would have their minds torn out and placed in the corpse of the dead monkey, while the non-existent 'mind' of the monkey took over their body. They would usually ghost, freeing up the body to gobble up more minds. The south side of the station rapidly began filling up with braindead husks standing vacantly around, while deadchat filled with '(DEAD) Urist chimpers: "what in the everliving gently caress just happened"'.

The survivors never actually figured out what was going on, only that an unknown force was turning everyone in the general vicinity of medbay into mindless shells. Eventually they fled the station, surrendering it to its dead monkey masters.

Body Swap is no longer a genetics-accessible mutation.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
The singularity engine sounds more interesting than the TEG, but it's really not. As a non-traitorous engineer, there's no real room for customization, your only options are 'set it up' and 'don't set it up' (and it's not even a very efficient engine). As a traitor, your only option is 'set is free', after which it's out of your hands and you have to hope it wrecks the station, instead of just floating around the same area forever or buggering off to space.

Meanwhile with the TEG you can siphon off the gas to make bombs, unleash hellfire on the station, generate infinite power and hotwire it to vaporize anyone who touches a door, and occasionally unleash a wave of negative pressure that drops the station to absolute zero and freezes everyone to death, even through a spacesuit.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
In case anyone is out of the loop, some asshat is spamming BYOND hub with fake servers. Joining them gets you goatse'd at best, infected with malware at worst. It"s generally pretty obvious cause they tend to have a spoofed playercount in the thousands and names/descriptions filled with nazi poo poo, but they've also been trying to spoof legit servers so be on guard. It's best to make a bookmark of any server you play on and join with those - Goon's are byond://goon1.goonhub.com:26100/ for rp and 26200 for non-RP.

Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012
To be clear, they're not wearing the moeblob masks and going "~uguu sempai-chan" in the hallways. The reason they are being referred to as 'anime' repeatedly is because they have fancy hair with bright colors. That's literally it.

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Inadequately
Oct 9, 2012

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

I'm not calling for punishment or anything, just humiliation (preferably from the players ofc)

"I'm not running a harassment campaign, I just want people from this thread to hop on and give them a bad time because admins won't do it for me"

gently caress off with that. There's quite often more important things to worry about on an average round, and most players nowadays simply don't care. You can rant all you want here about how server culture has grown degenerate and this would never have happened Back in The Day[/i], but that's not going to accomplish anything besides making people think you're a sad weirdo. I haven't heard a single convincing argument against them besides "ew feeeeelings are inherently icky" and that's an argument that I grew out of at the age of five.

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