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Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.




The world has changed. Not in a physical or metaphorical way, but on a psyche level in the populace where people’s action defied expectations and established orders.


More and more people are angry by the day at all the bad things in the world, and more of them are being emboldened to lead towards the chaotic side of things. Their reckless decision resulted in a… Unique leader among them. However, the cause of this chaotic irrationality might be more ‘foreign’ in its origin than we thought…


A strange new world demands a great leader to guide its people, and maybe others to glory and greatness. Such insurmountable task can only be succeed by the greatest man in the world, and using his wits and unique demeanor, he shall shape the fate of both modern and fantasy world forever!

Content Disclaimer
The views and opinions expressed in this CYOA are parody for entertainment purpose, and they do not reflect or represent the views and opinions held by the author. He also did not wiretap anyone in case of random accusation without proof arise.

All characters and events in this show -- even those based on real people -- are entirely fictional. Everyone have a secret third name (that will never be mentioned) to help reader distinguish the difference from its real counterpart.

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Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.




Edit accident: some lost content are summarized.

There is always one handsome man to greet you in the morning, and that person is not your wife.


“Good Morning, Beautiful.” The you in the mirror greeted with wonderful, sincere enthusiasm. Yes, this handsome chap is you. Your commanding yet gentle firm voice are very suitable for this fabulous face. Many, and you mean MANY, beautiful women, achieved orgasm just from hearing a soft whisper of praise to them. That’s what they said, and you believe them. Why would they lie?


Gracing your eyes with this Golden Fleece-like wool of a highborn golden sheep of royalty, the hair shines under the sun and reflects back brilliant golden light brighter than the sun itself. This fine piece of mane is your personal treasure to show the world that you are no mere simpleton, but a successful businessperson who can get things done the way you like. Not even your much beloved wife and ex-wives are allow to touch this national treasure, and it is a Fact because:


You are the President of the United State of America.The Greatest President of All Time – Donald J. Trump.

“DONALD TRUMP!” You repeats your name to yourself in an attempt to hype yourself up for the day ahead. “I REPEAT AGAIN, DONAAAAAALD J~~~~~~~ TRUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!” You successfully announced your name like a wrestler candidate with a fabulous tongue roll to end it. It is a momentous feat that you are very proud to inherited from your father and you practiced a very long time to get it right.

“Try to remember, Trump.” You refocuses yourself to get down to business at hand after disposing the $4200 Reinast brand Luxury Titanium Toothbrush into the golden trash bin you brought from home to the White House bathroom. This place definite needs a major renovation to be more… Wealthy.

Your constantly busy business mind is now devoted to remember what you sees in the dream last night. A desert, a throne that you sat down and then what happened?

Edit accident: choice removed. Winning choice is K. Write-in

Nyaa fucked around with this message at Oct 11, 2017 around 21:20

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

your: belonging to a person
you're: you are
lose: opposite of win
loose: your mom

HTH

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!


K. In a hotel room in Moscow with three women of ill repute. They are just leaving, having finished performing their services. There is a knock at the door. It is supposed to be the maid with a mop and new sheets. If it actually is or not...

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

K - In a stinking, grimy doss-house, the fetid air further befouled by the scent of our own wastes, in a brief moment of lucidity before the search for an uninfected vein and the next hit...

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

A roc and a hard place


B

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


So many good ones, I can't commit yet.

Poldarn
Feb 18, 2011



K. Alternate America where Bernie Sanders won

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



Diogines posted:

K. In a hotel room in Moscow with three women of ill repute. They are just leaving, having finished performing their services. There is a knock at the door. It is supposed to be the maid with a mop and new sheets. If it actually is or not...

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005




Diogines posted:

K. In a hotel room in Moscow with three women of ill repute. They are just leaving, having finished performing their services. There is a knock at the door. It is supposed to be the maid with a mop and new sheets. If it actually is or not...

+1

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

I - Walking Dead level

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Diogines posted:

K. In a hotel room in Moscow with three women of ill repute. They are just leaving, having finished performing their services. There is a knock at the door. It is supposed to be the maid with a mop and new sheets. If it actually is or not...

Its got to be this.

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



Poldarn posted:

K. Alternate America where Bernie Sanders won

B.B. Rodriguez
Aug 8, 2005

Bender: "I was God once." God: "Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died."



Diogines posted:

K. In a hotel room in Moscow with three women of ill repute. They are just leaving, having finished performing their services. There is a knock at the door. It is supposed to be the maid with a mop and new sheets. If it actually is or not...

+1

ChaseSP
Mar 25, 2013



Diogines posted:

K. In a hotel room in Moscow with three women of ill repute. They are just leaving, having finished performing their services. There is a knock at the door. It is supposed to be the maid with a mop and new sheets. If it actually is or not...

This.

Azuth0667
Sep 20, 2011

By the word of Zoroaster, no business decision is poor when it involves Ahura Mazda.

Diogines posted:

K. In a hotel room in Moscow with three women of ill repute. They are just leaving, having finished performing their services. There is a knock at the door. It is supposed to be the maid with a mop and new sheets. If it actually is or not...

+1

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

your: belonging to a person
you're: you are
lose: opposite of win
loose: your mom

HTH

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!


Poldarn posted:

K. Alternate America where Bernie Sanders won
poo poo, that is a good one too.

Diogines fucked around with this message at Apr 5, 2017 around 15:41

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

Poldarn posted:

K. Alternate America where Bernie Sanders won

"Everything is awesome for other people, and that really upsets you. The more you tweet about it, the more people ignore you, and you gradually fade into obscurity. At least you still have Ivanka."

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


Diogines posted:

K. In a hotel room in Moscow with three women of ill repute. They are just leaving, having finished performing their services. There is a knock at the door. It is supposed to be the maid with a mop and new sheets. If it actually is or not...

Lmao, this

Grognan
Jan 23, 2007

Money And Power Through Homicide!



Poldarn posted:

K. Alternate America where Bernie Sanders won

Dammerung
Oct 16, 2008

"Dang, that's hot."


Poldarn posted:

K. Alternate America where Bernie Sanders won

+1

Oh dear.

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Poldarn posted:

K. Alternate America where Bernie Sanders won

Burninating the 1%

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Then you remember. You have a message to send.

Something everyone must know.

You have the power. You have the means.

Let it be known.




Poldarn posted:

K. Alternate America where Bernie Sanders won

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



Horrible Lurkbeast posted:

Burninating the 1%

Burninating the Trust Funds
Burninating all of the WASPS
In their GILGED SUMMER HOMES!
GILDED SUMMER HOMES!

Hobolicious
Oct 7, 2012

The military might of a country represents its national strength. Only when it builds up its military might in every way can it develop into a thriving country.


Poldarn posted:

K. Alternate America where Bernie Sanders won

so much this

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Russian hotel wins.

Bernie's victory become minor canon.

Update tonight after i gather some pictures.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.




"Nobody who works 40 hours a week should be living in poverty!"

You are a man of passion who hates corruption and defy it at any opportunity. Never underestimate a guy from Brooklyn is your motto and like your city, you are tough on corruptions in Washington and the grasp of corporate influence on the very heart of the nation. However, despite the lower amount of donation to your war chest in your election, you have won against all odd. The republican candidate is such a joke compares to you – Berni-


“DONALD TRUMP!” You repeats your name to yourself in an attempt to refocus yourself again. “I REPEAT AGAIN, DONAAAAAALD J~~~~~~~ TRUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!” Once again, you have to shout to the mirror in the morning to get yourself together, literally against the raging headache. You have the strangest feeling of reality falling apart lately, and the person in the mirror is someone opposite of what you are. Something… Second best to you.

Panting heavily, you turn on the faucet to get yourself a cold shower. You hate it, but it is what helps you focus the best when your preciously baby soft skin screamed at the cold. It makes you feel real, constantly. God, this is all Mike’s fault for waking you up so drat early for a silly dream that everyone has.



The cold shower does wonder to your focus and you can finally remember what happened last night in your dream: You do not have a dream. You do, however, recalled why you don’t have a dream.

----------------------------------------------------
One weeks ago –Russian Hotel
----------------------------------------------------

“Heeey~ daddy.” A woman of ill repute dressed like a Russian Hooker said to your as she rub your mighty belly gently. She leans closer to your ear and whispers sweet pleading words, “come visit us again next time, ok?”

You gave the girl a good slap on the button to remind her of your male dominace. “Ya, ya, git going, ye whore.

Wanka, you think that’s her whore name, make a silly face at you before leaving with her two other bed buds. Finally, you’re alone in this nest where you can move on to mastur-

A loud knocking on the door surprised you, it is much harder than the usual maid. Is it the FBI? Someone in the congress? A male maid? What do you even call a male maid? Servant? Bah, who case. Whoever is knocking on the door is already opening the door with a key before you can answer. You of course, prioritized on getting on your pant and hope your Russian contact will arrives soon to haul whoever it is to the darkest jail for interrupting your ‘official business’.

The door swings open. Ah. You should had known.



“Dobraye ootro, Mister Trump.” Putin greeted you in his maid dress… Again. “It means good morning in your silly language, dear.” His gay feministic low tone vocal bothers you a lot as a conservative man of god, but more so because you are forced to associate with this… Man.

“Yes, I know! You told me many time!” You retort him with firm commanding voice to establish as the alpha male in the room. Well, it wasn’t that hard when the other male dressed like a maid. It is a secret fetish of Putin to dress as feminine during your moment as much as possible, and likes to shares this secret to other world leader because no one want dare to risk a nuclear war in order to reveal something awful. He knows that, and that is why he do it. To get release from the stress of maintaining his image is a MAN of Russia. The leader who went bare chest in his vacation and brawl with bears to victory with 300% volka in his hand and AK on his other. He deeply hated this poo poo, and how he secretly envy your success in America to be free to be what you are. It might also be why he goes all out on the openly gay Russian in his domain. What a sick freak! Why are you stuck with in relation with this madman!? This is like the darkest timeline of Russia or something!

“Sooo, How the services, mister Trump?” He hummed a little to your tough ‘tense’ respond before asking with discerning eyes on long lashes.

“Fine, but not as good as the Japanese.” You commented about the local product. “Are Russian women always so rough?”

Putin lifts a hand to hide his smiles. Disgusting. “Fufufu, oh silly Trumpy. In Soviet Russia, Woman are the Man-in-charge.”

You raised an eyebrow of doubt at the answer, but then agreed to the answer with the man-maid in your sight.Annoyed at the other side going that far to prove a point in your mind, you go on to the main topic. “What do you want?”

Putin lowered his hand to reveals a widened grin on his face. He looks like a clown with all those make-ups on his face, but you obviously will not point that out because the last person who do so are now hanging somewhere underground. He held his hairy chest high with both his hand on back for a military salute as he explains his purpose here. “My greatest friend~ I merely wishes you would have a little cerebration party over a conference web meeting next week.” He clears his throat to signal two men-in-black to bring in a brief case and opens it to your view. “A vintage treasured vodka from the 1800s.” He detailed the rarity of the priceless gift.

Your businessperson eyes can tell this the real deal drink of the century that might be worth billions. A gift so grand must come with a greater proposal. “What’s the catch?” You asked him all businessman-like.

“No catch, my friend.” Putin reply as he feathers his finger to have the MIB leave the room. “It is merely a cerebration to your grand victory to become the most powerful man in the world!” He does little girly claps. “Next week would be the 100th years old for this fine aged brew and I wish to drink with you on that same night as brothers of prosperity and greatness.”

A relational gift. You conclude to yourself. You have received many gifts and bribe over your lifetime. As your position rise, the greater the gifts and donation becomes. This is what must be a gift worthy of a president.

“Sure.” You close the briefcase as a gesture of accepting it, but pretend to not find the gift as valuable as you thought. Being indebt too much to someone could be troublesome down the line, but this Vodka is acceptable… After you make sure that it wasn’t poisoned.

And it wasn’t! Your science people verified that it is indeed a vintage vodka nearly the age of 100th! So you pop that sucker open and cerebrate the fine drink with Putin over a laptop meeting. You almost forgotten to attend the meeting if Bannon didn’t come to remind me.

---------------------

You steps out of the cold shower, completely forgotten to turn off the faucet as you ponder what happened and what to do next.

1) What should you do?
A) Call the Surgeon General and Military Adviser for advice.
B) Schedule press conference
C) Go back to sleep immediately!
D) Call Putin now!
E) Ask Bannon for thoughts
F) Ask Mike for thoughts.
G) Write-in

2) Also, who is getting the blame for this dream thing? Blaming others is the first step respond for all successful politician, so who will be the sacrificial sheep this time?
A) Russia
B) Random Middle Eastern Country with history of terrorism
C) Chain
D) ISIS
E) Democraft and the rogue agent of CIA
F) Denial of the dream existence as a hoax like global warming even though everyone experiencing it everyday.
G) A certain group of minority people instead. [Write-in]
H) Write-in

Nyaa fucked around with this message at Nov 21, 2017 around 21:22

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

A roc and a hard place


1.E, Bannon

2. C, Chain, that new rapper, his black songs have polluted the minds of the population, probably a covert operation by Obama. All blacks know each other you know.

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



wait is Bernie prez or was that the fever dream/timeline trying to fix itself?

alpaca diseases fucked around with this message at Apr 6, 2017 around 00:03

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



alpaca diseases posted:

wait is Bernie prez or was that the fever dream/timeline trying to fix itself?

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



1 - B Ring up Spicer and tell him to get his rear end to the press room with that satellite imagery that shows there were 'millions' at our inauguration

2 - G, That commie gently caress Bernie must've taken over Obamas wiretapping mission, CIA Microwaves are the only explanation for that dream- Better tweet about it

alpaca diseases fucked around with this message at Apr 6, 2017 around 00:07

Poldarn
Feb 18, 2011



1 G. Free association tweeting.
2 H. That witch, Hillary, who has certainly turned to black magics to bring down my reign.

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Poldarn posted:

1 G. Free association tweeting.
2 H. That witch, Hillary, who has certainly turned to black magics to bring down my reign.

sure

Hobolicious
Oct 7, 2012

The military might of a country represents its national strength. Only when it builds up its military might in every way can it develop into a thriving country.


A

C

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010

Shamanistic Tendencies


BH at the presser let everyone know we're really onto the source of dreams, and it's gonna be huge, AND we're not gonna foolishly tip our hand on what's the deal because we have a plan, it's a really fabulous plan, top men are working on all this business as we speak, just like the numbers, really phenomenal,

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

E - talk to the president.
H is for Hillary. Why didn't we lock her up yet?

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005




SniperWoreConverse posted:

BH at the presser let everyone know we're really onto the source of dreams, and it's gonna be huge, AND we're not gonna foolishly tip our hand on what's the deal because we have a plan, it's a really fabulous plan, top men are working on all this business as we speak, just like the numbers, really phenomenal,

Love it

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


SniperWoreConverse posted:

BH at the presser let everyone know we're really onto the source of dreams, and it's gonna be huge, AND we're not gonna foolishly tip our hand on what's the deal because we have a plan, it's a really fabulous plan, top men are working on all this business as we speak, just like the numbers, really phenomenal,

nice

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

So first, we're all getting hacked by the Ruskies from our participation in this thread.

I mean it too; Seriously, Nyaa hit pretty much every sacred button of the Russan Man Ego.

That said, this is doing all sorts of 'good things' for my broken and damaged psyche, so keep it coming Nyaa!

1D: "The jig is up Nancy-Maid-Girlie-Man, what did you put in that bottle?"

Poldarn posted:

2H: That witch, Hillary, who has certainly turned to black magics to bring down my reign.

This is too good to pass up; Big H casting down with the C-Mythos.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



You step out of your bathroom butt-naked with steam flowing out like you are an angel descending from heaven to give the holy message to the pitiful Mike Pence. He is visibly shaken every single time you do that, and that is a proper respond of awe to you.

“I am ready to bring the message to the American People.” You said calmly with full hint of divinity of your divine mission.

“Wh-what… Are you revealing your dream to the press!?” Mike dropped his handkerchief he was using to wipe the sweat off his nervousness – clearly, from your intimidating alpha manhood. Tis, tis, if this is The Apprentice, you would had FIRED this weakling. Then again, you enjoy his submissiveness to your authority and amazing display ofpower.

“No, you fool. “ You spread your hand wide upward as if you were praising god as you explains to the lesser insect before me. The motion also relaxed the tightly held chest muscle of your manly chest to recede back toward the sides.“I already KNEW what the dream is about, and I-“ You paused to considers why am I wasting my breath on one person. He will know what I have to say when I spoke it in the pressroom anyway. “Start the press now.” You ordered.

Mike opens his mouth, close it, and then open it again, but no voice comes out before he sighed heavily to regain his composure at my greatness. “Sir, your Press Secretary – Sean Spicer, is already reassuring the nation about the dream. I suggest we go ov-“ The vice president was interrupted by a fatherly firm push as you begin to walks toward the pressroom. You already lectures him to call you “Mister President” instead of “sir”. That kind of address is for military and nerdy British people.

“Mr. President! MR. PRESIDENT!” Mike seems to cheers you from behind with great enthusiasm. Now that is more like it as you speed up your pacing into a full America runner sprint into the pressroom.

BAM! You slam open the door into the pressroom to everyone’s surprises. Now that is a proper Hollywood entrance if you ever performed one.

“Mr. Tru-“ Sean tries to address you, but you SHOVE him off the podium. You are already tired from speaking for the rest of the day, and this press speech will be the last thing you want to speak to today. Goddamn, it is cold in here, temperature wise. Everyone’s emotion is also frozen in awe, but you don’t have time for Chit-chat. Your great wisdom shall be spare for these fake news folks.

“Listen.” You grip the podium table strongly. “I know what the source of the dreams is.” Many awestricken faces begins to reform into interest and curiosity. Many cameras flashes for a lot longer than usual. Good, you got their full attention. “It is a HUGE thing, BUT we are not going to foolishly tip our hand on the deal because we have a plan, a HUGE PLAN, it is very fabulous plan, you will LOVE IT, top men are working on all this business as we speak, they all LOVED IT, just the numbers alone, they are really, really phenomenal.”

Confusion fills the room for clarification and some other questions you can’t hear, but you don’t want to answer any stupid question for these fake news anyway.So you only drop a strong hint of “Hillary uses black magics” and you walk the hell out of the pressroom to leave Sean to deal with the fallout.

At the hallway, you sees Mike holding a towel. Why is he holding your towel? Oh. You forgot to dress up.

1) What should you do with this mishap?
A) Cover it up as someone who imitate the president naked.
B) It’s all part of the HUGE PLAN
C) Fake news photoshopped you naked
D) Hillary’s black magic!
E) Everyone is actually dreaming!
F) Embrace the truth, people! This is what I have to offer for the nation. You all should be happy of the sacrifice that the president who are willing to go through to protect the nation from the foreign influence that caused him to be naked like this. Yes, it is through the goodness of my heart and courage of servitude to this beautiful, beautiful, country, that he make this sacrifice for the prosperity of generations to come.
G) Ignore it. You have greater problem to deal with now.
H) Write-in

2) What should you do next?
A) Call some people for advice
B) Go back to sleep
C) Get an update of the world
D) Call Putin
E) Ask someone for thoughts
E) Write-in

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CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

1H: "What the hell are you people talking about? I've been wearing clothes the whole time, I even put on a brand new red tie today, extra long. Its all FAKE NEWS PEOPLE!!!

Imma pitch this one again.

2D: "The jig is up Nancy-Maid-Girlie-Man, what did you put in that bottle?"

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