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Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


Bedminster is like an hour from the shore, you ruined my immersion by saying that he landed at the beach

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Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Volmarias posted:

Bedminster is like an hour from the shore, you ruined my immersion by saying that he landed at the beach
Changed to flying so low to the beach that the poor pleb suffers for not going to the artificial beach/swimming pool 30 mins away that offers excellent paid services.

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


But the shore is out of the way altogether (unless you count things like the Chesapeake Bay and you're probably not surfing there)

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



You mean we don't make a detour to gently caress up some beach goer on our R&R time?

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


H, gentleman's wager. The winner keeps one of the loser's courses.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010

Shamanistic Tendencies


B punch the greens and comeo ut swinging

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Bad news, i have reached the end of the golf term list before the tournament even started.

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Now we're gonna club you to death you sub-par birdie you

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Without a golf glossary book to guide me on writing a golf tournament, i might have to... have to... use other books...

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


You've got no golfballs Nyaa.
Something something punchline.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



I knew i have forgotten to add back that Provisional Ball

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



I swear to Christ if Consuela doesn't drive by with the drinks cart soon I'm gonna bomb something. Probably her home village...definitely that.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Blasphemaster posted:

I swear to Christ if Consuela doesn't drive by with the drinks cart soon I'm gonna bomb something. Probably her home village...definitely that.

Forget Consuela, get them Golf Girls out here!

You know, the 'professional caddies' who also celebrates you getting the ball into the hole, Cheerleader style.

(yes, they're a thing, look it up if you don't believe me)

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Screw Mike Keiser! You are not just a real estate tycoon anymore! You are a leader of the free world! You own America! Your republican friends own the law! If you need money, they will pass some tax cut for you! This is your money, and you are going go all-in even if you have to live in a Sand Bunker filled with Sand Traps to ward off those drat illegal. You don’t like stairs anyway!


“Fi-“ Mike interrupted your bet by declaring, “I RAISE ANOTHER ONE MILLION!” Gasps and awes spreads throughout the land of golfing. A ranger was call in to register the rare contribution to the bidding pot. All the attention is on Mike Keiser, the most generous golfer of the month!

You can’t have that. YOU WON’T LET THAT MAN HAVE THE GLORY! Enraged by the dammit rival for trying to steal your thunder, you fire up a bunch of calls to liquefy your assets into payable cash. You raise your arm high with the thumb and pinky up to signify the number six. When everyone’s gaze of disbelieve gathers at your hand, you proudly declares your bid. “SIX MILLIONS DOLLARS!”

The ranger dropped both his pen and notepad at the declaration. Some may even have shitted their pants. Regulators have to be called into to control the riot of joy before they can verify with the bank that indeed, six millions dollar of cash are being shipped here. The hateful glare of Mike is the most satisfying relief you have in decades! This high of power and greatness is the best! So many praise and support of you honorable bidding! You are the greatest!

Deep down, you know all these will be reversed if you fail to reclaim your wealth. A fate that might drove you to suicide.

The stake is high like a Starter Sticks give a fine Stroke Play to a lady at her Sweet Spot. You can Tap-in Thin with The Tips and The Turn will make her mind goes Up and Down the Woods fills with Yips and yelp all the way into the Worm Burner Zone.

… What did you just went over in your head just now? You are quite sure that you were thinking golf, but maybe you got so high that you can’t help but recalls those Russian Harlots when trying to think up manly thoughts to pump up for this tournament. Alas, you should visit them again on the next R&R.

Golf Term Total: 81

*In the fantastical mind of your brain, you have reached the end of the Golf Term Book to describe events that have occurred up to this point. It is with great dissatisfaction that the intricacy of golf ended before the start of the tournament event. In one angry brain fart of traumatic energy, you spend the rest on thinking about hoes instead. Now your brain is free, to choose the new narrative device to transcribe the following event. However, the closest book you have in reach is the holy one in your hand.*

And so God said to his son, Donald J. Trump, “let there be golf Tournament.” Cheer and joys are the fellow golfers cerebrated for the blessing of God of this very fine gift. That it begun.

Chorus of live singing angels sings their soulful song through the speaker throughout the golf field at $193 dollars per hour to ease the restful soul of the rich and pure (white) men. Their song never cease for their love of god and money. It through the love of god, and the generosity of his son, that the disappointed child of God, Mike Keiser, gets to venture first in his name. His posse applauds the first vanguard to face the holy task of God in with a stick in hand.

Mike slams with all his might at the ball prepared by angel. It is through God’s will that he succeed in such endower, and it is through fear, that the child performed well to please his eternal father in heaven. The ball landed in green, but far from hole.

The Golden Child of God is next to arrive in his brother footstep. He too, wield a stick intended to hit the ball prepared by God himself. For he loves this child more.

Trump remembers God’s love in his name, and through his greatness, the love extends to his love of money. All these prize money in the cup allure the great chubby son greatly in his mind, pressuring him like a demon curse to be surpass his brother. He strike the ball.

The chorus of the world lowers its volume in sadness. God weeps for his proud son faced with the herculean task of ball landing in sand, but closer to hole. Mike, the awful son of god, breathe a sigh of relief that did not escaped the eyes of God. His sinful display of smiling at his brother’s tatter performance can be seen throughout the heaven and hell. Even Satan boos at such traitorous wrench for his self-love over the suffering of his brother.

Yet, not all hope is lost. For the work of God is plentiful, and have Consuela, the foreign illegal daughter of Mexican descendent to drive by in a drink cart to provide relief for the greatest son.

Trump gratefully accepts the new flavored Soda in God’s name, and promptly fired Consuela. Ahh… Now he feels much better. In his blood clotting heart, the child thank god for this kind blessing and pray for the poor woman of her safe returns to the kitchen as God intended. After all, collage intern of white descent should be the one to handle the task of golf relief.

As the greatest son receives its reliefment from God, the terrible brother continues his journey forward without looking back. He strike the ball again, seeking to reach the hole, and alas, that it did, but only closely. It is assured that his third strike will make it to the hole.

Trump, under the wings of God’s protection and love, proclaimed this will be the final showdown, the apocalypse, the judgement day. For it is said that on this day and moment that the prophet angel of God has prophesize: “On the 7th round where brother has both scored equally till this point, one son shall rise and success without further draw.”

Now is that decisive moment. Six round passed, and this final shot from the sand will determine the fate of the world, to make this difficult sand hook shot into the hole by the greatest son.

Can he do it?
A) Yes
B) No
C) Demon is afoul as the ball knocks the other balls into the pond.
D) Write-in God’s word.

Nyaa fucked around with this message at Apr 13, 2017 around 17:41

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


B)NO

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


I'm not even sure what's happening anymore. Is this our victory we're deciding on? If so A

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010

Shamanistic Tendencies


D And lo, it pleased the LORD that his child's ball should SMOTE upon the BROW OF INIQUITY,
CRUSHING the very TEMPLE of the UNJUSTNESS & HOUSE OF SIN., castigating all wrongdoers into the eternal waterfeature of pain forever

Then the HOSTS of the LORD ROSE UP his beloved CHAMPINON upon their sholuders, & all the world rejoice'd & crowned him in glory forever &c.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Volmarias posted:

I'm not even sure what's happening anymore. Is this our victory we're deciding on? If so A
For this, yes. Unless you prefer me to roll some sort of dice or coin flip? Or through a more roleplaying involment method of bribing me?

Toughy
Nov 29, 2004

KAVODEL! KAVODEL!


Trump wins but, not unlike the country, the golf course goes belly up right afterwards files bankruptcy and he never sees a red cent, so D

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

B

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Jesus, either I had a stroke reading that or you had one writing it.

Flip a coin and never read another bible again.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Outrail posted:

Jesus, either I had a stroke reading that or you had one writing it.
Or maybe Trump have a stroke? The self-stroking stroke?

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

. . . you raise your arm high with the thumb and pinky up to signify the number six . . .

Who taught this to him?!? This is a specific, cultural 'in-reference' for those who can read and write the character six in Chinese (六 - the two 'legs' at the bottom is what the 'thumb and pinky - cow horns are meant to represent).

So, who the hell taught him? And why would he care to learn?

Nyaa posted:

The stake is high like a Starter Sticks give a fine Stroke Play to a lady at her Sweet Spot. You can Tap-in Thin with The Tips and The Turn will make her mind goes Up and Down the Woods fills with Yips and yelp all the way into the Worm Burner Zone.

Russian Harlot Golf Girls please!

1D

"And the seventh angel (guiding the hand of the Favorite Son) poured out his bowl into the air (and out came the ball, rolling straight into the cup), and out of the temple came a loud voice from the throne (as in, the viewing gallery), saying, "It is done!"

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



CourValant posted:

Who taught this to him?!?
The Russian girl actually... wait a minute...

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Did Putin...

Screwed you with a.. a..

Made in China product...?

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

The Russian girl actually... wait a minute...

Nyaa posted:

Did Putin...

Screwed you with a.. a..

Made in China product...?



And so, the Master's Plan is revealed.

Turn's out, it was Emperor President Xi pulling the strings all along.

Putin is just another concubine, doing his/her part to further the interests of the Middle Kingdom.

I mean, how else would you explain the ridiculousness of a 200k a year Country Club being written up for severe health code violations?

It was all so Xi can indirectly feed rotten steak to the Abe.

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



C

HIIIILLLLLAAAARRRYYYYY!!!!!

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


Trump has learned many things from on the job learning with mentors.

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



D

It was not meant to be, for some unpatriotic shits on the interwebs conspired such that landmines have been planted at random holes on every course in the country glamorous enough for Trump to consider using. ESPECIALLY those he owns. The timely intervention of the Secret Service coincides exactly with Mikey landing a hole in one, triggering a sense of Deja Vu for everyone who has seen the end of Caddyshack.

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005




A

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



The greatest president spent his valuable time dedicates himself to the nation. Even Friday, he work hard at internal relation in a serene green field. It is thus unfortunate that he can't update upon his beloved citizen with update and tweet.

You might ask, "Would the glorious greatest leader be available on the weekend?"

You should know the answers already: Mr. Trump takes weekend off.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010

Shamanistic Tendencies


Nyaa posted:

The greatest president spent his valuable time dedicates himself to the nation. Even Friday, he work hard at internal relation in a serene green field. It is thus unfortunate that he can't update upon his beloved citizen with update and tweet.

You might ask, "Would the glorious greatest leader be available on the weekend?"

You should know the answers already: Mr. Trump takes weekend off.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

You should know the answers already: Mr. Trump takes weekend off.

Hope you had a good weekend!

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Pope Francis sits humbly in his wooden chair, pondering the strangeness of the worldly dream that haunt all of mankind. It is most assuredly the sign of God’s divine act upon the world… Unless it is the dark sorcery of the devil? He is uncertain. Many opinion was swayed when the President of the United State claimed it is the work of a witch. More and more followers pours into the cathedral seeking for answers, and yet, God remain silent in his mysterious way. Reports of world leaders gone missing, and yet, President Trump is the only few that remain in earth. For what cause and purpose does this mean? Does God judge him to be worth of ruling the world? Or has he taken all that is worthy?

Then, a powerful strike like a golf club hitting a golf ball from a sand trap struck the Pope with a revelation that feels… Foreign in nature. He fell into deep slumber as if the golf club hit his poor-man-loving skull real good on the mark to give him a good old religious coma. His body fade away, and replaced by the more deserving pope who cares more about proper wealthy display of religious power and the safety of pedophile priest – Pope Benedict.

--------------

“THE TRUMP IS IN THE HOLE!” The announcer shouted with maximum paid excitement. “I REPEAT! THE TRUMP IS IN THE HOLE!”

Loud cheers from the Trump supporters side for the near-impossible Birdie shot from a sand-trap! Trump did it! He loving did it like Tiger Wood loving did it with his affair! With bravery and zero care for the oncoming reputation damage! Tales of his reckless gambling will be told throughout the world, and none will matters to his supporters because he won! HE WON! WOOOOOOO!

Mike Keiser was so angry, he snapped his golf stick in half and promptly hospitalized from the broken knee because golfing does not promote much muscle.

Ok, now you can stop giving a drat about golf with all your money intact and honor preserved. During the after party, your Australian friends and other friends chips in about the usual ‘influence gossip’ and exchanging favors. No one mentioned the part of you being naked on the news, but they did ask if magic is real. You told them, yes. Magic is as real as the Harry Potter movie having a real life theme park that you totally want to privatize for personal enjoyment and monetary gain later. They all laughed at that as if it was a joke.

Now that the internal business is done, you turn back on your White House cellphone after you taken your comfortable pillow seats in your government helicopter. A few more millions in your pocket, and a few less millions from the taxpayer who will pay for this trip and the ‘internal relation’ party. Win-win.

The cellphone rings. It’s Betsy Devos - your Secretary of Education. You refused her call. This will remind her of the alpha.

The cellphone rings again, it’s from: (Pick three to answers before you fall asleep)
A) Jeff Sessions – Attoney General
B) Gov. Nikki Haley – Ambassador to the U.N.
C) Betsy Devos – Secretary of Education
D) Wilbur Ross- Secretary of Commerce
E) Rep. Tom Price – Secretary of Health and Human Service
F) Elaine Chao – Secretary of Transportation
G) Steven Mnuchin – Secretary of the Treasury
H) Gen. James Mattis – Secretary of Defense
I) Ben Carson – Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
J) Gen. John Kelly – Secretary of Homeland Security
K) Scott Pruitt – Enviorment Protection Agency Administrator
L) Linda McMahon – Small Business Administration Administrator
M) Rex Tillerson – Secretary of State
N) Rick Perry – Secretary of Energy
O) David Shulkin – Secretary of Veterens Affairs
P) Ryan Zinke – Secretary of the Interior
Q) Mike Pence – Vice President
R) Reince Priebus – Chief of Staff
S) Stephen Bannon – Senior Counselor
T) Lt. General H. R. McMaster – National Security Advisor
U) Rep. Mike Pompeo – CIA Director
V) Someone from your family
W) Russia Harlot
X) Professor X – Leader of the X-Men as you like to call him by his stage name
Y) Your voice message reminder
Z) Write-in

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

WWW, all the WS.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

G) Steven Mnuchin – Secretary of the Treasury
I) Ben Carson – Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
W) Russia Harlot


Why is Nikki Haley striked-out? I would have voted for her.

Also, I'm beginning to wonder about the purpose of this 'game'; why do I have a sneaking suspicion that is this actually an 'educational' initiative, aimed at teaching us about the Trump Administration? Kinda like how the old 'Carmen Sandiego' games taught us geography and world history.

You're a sleeper, aren't you Nyaa? Aren't you!?!

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



CourValant posted:

Why is Nikki Haley striked-out? I would have voted for her.
As mentioned, the strikes represent president trump's need to remind them women of who is the alpha. The only women that wasn't atrike out of the Russia Harlots who knows they are beta.

quote:

Also, I'm beginning to wonder about the purpose of this 'game'; why do I have a sneaking suspicion that is this actually an 'educational' initiative, aimed at teaching us about the Trump Administration?
This main plot of this game had long since derailed by write-in for golf and fast food breakfast. It has become educational too, i guess.

This information is provided to you by RussianLeak, your reliable source of dictatorial propaganda.

Nyaa fucked around with this message at Apr 17, 2017 around 19:49

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Bah! lists are boring! let's get this over with, I need my beauty sleep!
D
J
T


McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005




GJX

I have no idea what's happening anymore but I'm sure it'll be YUUUUGE

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SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010

Shamanistic Tendencies


Noooo holy father

PB&J

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