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alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



I - 'One of the good ones', ask how our plans to level the Chicago ghettos to make room for a golf course is going

Qa - Mike Pences wife: You know she needs a real man who doesn't always hang off her like an insecure beta

Z - Pope Benedict

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SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


I was gonna look up & post pics of the different possible callers, and somehow it all seems very ridiculous to me

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



ZZZ The ghosts of J.P. Morgan, J.D.Rockefeller, and Andrew Carnegie.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



SniperWoreConverse posted:

I was gonna look up & post pics of the different possible callers, and somehow it all seems very ridiculous to me
There's already a bunch of picture list on google.

Nyaa fucked around with this message at Apr 18, 2017 around 11:34

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


W, let's see if our wife has dug up anything from her contacts in red.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Outrail posted:

W, let's see if our wife has dug up anything from her contacts in red.
Which wife? And do you mean contacts in bed?

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Nyaa posted:

Which wife? And do you mean contacts in bed?

Melina? How many Russian harlots have we married?

Contacts in red. The ruskis.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Outrail posted:

Melina? How many Russian harlots have we married?

Contacts in red. The ruskis.
Your current wife Melina. Your ex: maria, and ivana.

Pretty sure you mean in bed because why else would you divorce those unfaintful wrenches for having such a perfect husband?

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Nyaa posted:

Your current wife Melina. Your ex: maria, and ivana.

Pretty sure you mean in bed because why else would you divorce those unfaintful wrenches for having such a perfect husband?

Oh, well I meant Melina and her Russian contacts.

But now I guess our ex wives have realised what they're missing out on and will probably do anything to appease us, including selling out on their urgent loyalties so yeah, any Russian woman will probably be willing to do anything for us. Let's abuse that relationship like the dealer we are.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



After refusing a couple more female callers or people with feminine name, a manly man name finally appeared on your cell: General John Kelly – Secretary of Homeland Security

: Have you heard the news, Mr. President?
: The one where I emerge total victory against Mike Keiser?
: … No.
: The one where I found out about Hilary Witchcraft?
: … Close enough, Mr. President. *Sigh* I am referring to the global disappearance of world leaders right after the emerging dream phenomenon.
: What did you find out, soldier?
: The army intelligent haven’t found out much about this… Mystical incidence. Our advice for you is: “Do not fall asleep for as long as you can.”
: That’s easy. Nothing can’t be solved with coffee… What about a nap?
: No. No naps. Keep yourself occupied with TV and other entertainment, but try not to fall asleep until we can gather more intel.
: Ok.
: John Kelly, out. *close call*
: Donald Trump, out! *close call*

Another rings immediately as you pushed the end call button. It’s your Russian Hoes. You already missed them, more than your family, they are nicer to you anyway, and so you answer their call.

: Zdrastvooyte, gospodin prezident.
: Privet detka.
: my skuchayem po tebe.
: Menya, tebya, kogda?
: *Laugh* Your Russian suck, mistah prezident.
: You are the one who suck, baby.
: *Chuckle* Listen baby, Prezident Putin is missing here, and our government is in riot without a dictator, so you might want to find someone to sleep with for a while.
: You can’t come over?
: You banned illegals, remember?
: But you are legal Russian, babe.
: No, I am actually Chinese-

The made-in-America cellphone in your hand slipped from your grip and fell off the helicopter where it will eventually stumble into a reporter’s hand later. More importantly, you are in shock that you associated with a Chinese product. Everything suddenly made sense in regards to her bedside manner and all the Chinese things she taught you. Putin has screwed you, royally.

You…
A) Cry Grief yourself to sleep
B) Shock into unconsciousness
C) Deep in thoughts till you fall asleep
D) Stay strong and don’t sleep
E) Write-in

Wow, look at these choices! Clearly, they are Russian/Chinese(?) trap to make you fall asleep?

Nyaa fucked around with this message at Apr 19, 2017 around 00:00

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Toilet Rascal

E: Have the best sleep, the greatest sleep, so much sleep that you'll get, er, tired...

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


AJ_Impy posted:

E: Have the best sleep, the greatest sleep, so much sleep that you'll get, er, tired...

Power nap

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


E

I sleep no

I work in the political services, and a lot of the people we work with have a lot of regrets. I've asked our cabinet members to have their people come out and watch me stay awake. I sleep so little, time run backwards. As I buzz along, your life runs in reverse. Scars becomes wounds become chances to exercise better judgement. I don't know.

Like most people, I enjoyed sleeping in the mornings, before it gets to hot. Unlike most people, I've been pulled up by a press secretary in a squirrel costume.

I don't sleep. Sometimes when I am pacing, I think of those zen fountains that absorb a drip drip drip of water down a bamboo tube before finally tipping over and dumping their contents into a pool. Each step I take is another drip. I think, that fountain would grab me a pussy.

I don't sleep. But I know where I have been.

Six months ago, I slept in.

Six months ago, I slept all the way through the night and through the next morning. Six months ago, I felt like I needed to go to sleep at 2pm. And six months ago, staying awake felt impossible.

I don't sleep, and I have ways to go. But I can't sleep. I feel alive. I can stay awake two, slow, hours. Slowly.

Sometimes I get discouraged. I compare where I am to where other people are. But all that matters is where I am compared to where I was.

Once something good becomes something you are going to do for the rest of your life, the pace becomes less important. I know that my drip drip drip will amount to that deluge, eventually. Someday I will stay awake 3 hours, slowly.

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



E. Demand the strongest coffee there is, so black it rounds back around the color spectrum into being white. Get ultra-wired and consider invading Hong Kong.

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



Blasphemaster posted:

E. Demand the strongest coffee there is, so black it rounds back around the color spectrum into being white. Get ultra-wired and consider invading Hong Kong.

This but when we finally order the middle strike, accidentally hit Pyongyang

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


His Eminence Imperator Donald the first demands a BJ, an American BJ! Toot sweet, gender irrelevant only nationality!
Gotta get that inferior chinese concubine smell offa me!

E: If anyone talk back howl in anger! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L3yBEBaSZQ

Horrible Lurkbeast fucked around with this message at Apr 19, 2017 around 09:33

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005




AJ_Impy posted:

E: Have the best sleep, the greatest sleep, so much sleep that you'll get, er, tired...

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



So far:
Sleep - 3
No sleep - 2
I sleep no but l lik sleep so i no sleep but last six month i sleep then i stay awake after i don't sleep - 1
BJ - 1

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

1D: Stay strong and don’t sleep by having some 'company' sent to the Lincoln bedroom; you think they're all-american girls, except this time, they're actually Latinas. (from Mexico no less!)

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



I am thinking way to hard about whether a blow job would make trump fall alseep or not.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

I am thinking way to hard about whether a blow job would make trump fall alseep or not.

He seems like the kind of guy who would fall asleep during a BJ.

Given his age, diet, lack of exercise, and general state of health, don't think it works too well down south.

Besides, his gut is in the way, he can't see what's happening down there.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



If bj = sleep, we are tie 4 - 4

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


Let's check what the big man himself says, it would be an effective tie-breaker:
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump...749300114546688
How do i embed?
#hireamericanbj

Dammerung
Oct 16, 2008

"Dang, that's hot."


D - we are a strong president and don't need any sleep!

I'd also like to unofficially support howling in anger should the situation merit it, like so:

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



You FREAK the gently caress out and begin tossing random poo poo off the captor window including your clothes! God drat it! It’s like you used cheap shampoo on your body and you just realized the stenches of bitches with their Chinese Wisdom all over! Hisss! HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! You howl aggressively like a defensive pacman frog getting feel up by a ghost! HISSSSSSSSSSS!

“Sir, Sir! Are you already?” The concerned helicopter pilot asked a dumb question for your tantrum.

“DO I LOOK LIKE I AM ALRIGHT!?” You squeeze your nipples half an inch from his eyes to show him the bitched stenches that will give him permanent PTSD flashback for the life of his STUPID LIFE!

“OH GAWD!” The captor shaken wildly from the momentary loss of control by the pilot, but he regained control after closing off the internal window to shut off visual communication with the biohazard.

HISSSSSSSSSsssss! You sits dejected. Like you got raped by a monkey, no, the monkey king because that is the best monkey in the world, and at least it is the best monkey that raped you. Your expensive is ruined like piss and you can’t wait to get a shower asap. You are not going to take a nap or sleep until you get that shower, and that Christofferson priest guy better get two-hour copter here come again to bless your shower. Hisssss. Until then, you look at the black Bible book that survived the tantrum discard, and rub it all over your body to purify yourself with whatever holy juice it have left.

You are more calmed now that you let off your frustration and holy wipe down. Your thought is clear as day again. Yes, this is all Hilary fault. Her Black Magic made you naked AGAIN! Hisssssss! An international manhunt must be declare to find her and that Obama voodoo priest that is clearly a secret Muslim head priest now that you think about it.

“Dear lord.” You come to the realization that Hawaii must have fallen into the influence of Obama to produce that fake birth certificate for him. You vaguely recall that is also the point where you started getting involved in this government election mess. Could it be that dark priest’s trap this whole time? Are you possibly a… Pawn of witchbama? Sweat pours from your precious pores at your serious thought of the implication. This madness goes deeper than you thought. Much, much deeper.

The helicopter lands. You stroll out naked without a care for the personnel’s concern. There is a bigger issue of the world at hand: Witchcraft.

As expected, someone is waiting in the oval office as you walks in naked. The man is Mike Pence. He seems surprised by your appearance, but got himself together quick enough. A sign of a capable man.

“… Black Magic, Mr. President?” He deduct the answer from your current state. He truly is your chosen right hand man. One that understood your habit and dealing. Though he dares not lowers his head to gaze at your manhood without possible thought of great personal shame. Sad.

“Yes.” You pat you his back to relief him of his great shame, but there is not much you can do for that man who works for the one chosen by god to have a greater manhood than thou. Sadly, the man gets tenser from the contact. You know how that feels; it is like getting a blowjob from Jesus according to your wife and ex-wives.

After a few uncomfortable moment where you took the time to sit your formidable rear end to permanently soil the presidential chair with your graceful contact forever, your homeboy Mike finally gathered himself enough to speak to you in regard to the overall finding of the dream and world events.


Everyone throughout the world reported dreaming a desert. Some walked endlessly without heat or hunger while some stood still at the same spot crying for help without any respond. Each person woke up at their own time and the desert came back whenever they fall asleep again. At of this reporting, the scientist has tasked world athlete to dream and try to run at a certain direction as fast as they could under sleep medication. Hopefully, they might see something new in the background beside more desert and sand.


They tried to bring or dream up object that can help the dreamer survey the landscape, but it seems only personal article like clothing get to stay with the person. People who sleep naked will go in naked though.


World Leaders among some other important figures are disappearing in they sleep. Many speculate that they are lost in the desert and can’t come back. It could be a scheme to kidnap world leader by someone, and more people are starting to wonder why you haven’t disappeared yet.


There is a rising speculation with reported rumor that being drunk while sleeping will prevent you from going into the dream and possibly prevent the world leader from disappearing.

-----------
Your left eyebrow raised and lowered to synchronize with the opposite action of the right eyebrow throughout the report to keep your vice president nervous as part of your trained facial movement to establish authority. Yet, at time of such… Mysterious news, your right eyebrow can’t help but stuck in its position. How you wish you could shoot eye laser to give him a good scare instead.

Anyhow, you have more questions. “Is the world thinking I was drunk last night?”

The wheels in Mike Pence’s mind grinds to a slower halting speed to process the special question to produce a slow “Yeee… ees” from his mouth.

“That’s not good for my reputation.” You told him from a businessperson point of view.

Bunch of prepared answers from Mike Pence’s brain discarded like cogs falling off the wheel. “Yes, Mr. President.” He is ready for a business lecture about the most concerning need of the president now. Everything else can wait. They can all goddamn wait.

“I want you-“ You places both your palms together like you are holding a small square box in front of you to demonstrate a thought that attracts focus. “-To announces to the media-“ You moves the imaginary cube air-lift style, “though Seanny-“ You refers to the nick name of your White House Press Secretary whom are the punching bag for the fake news, “-To tell them-“ You masterfully slide the imaginary cube with both hand to the left to illustrate distraction, “make sure everyone know I weren’t drunk.”

“Excellent point, Mr. President.” Mike have to swap a sweat off his forehead to absorb such a difficult to interpret information from the president. He doesn’t get the cube at all. He never does, but follow the movement anyway for the sake of keeping his boss happy.

Indeed. Your mood is elevated whenever you laid out a masterful plan of action most deserving of your seat.

“But-“ Mike’s concern are quickly abandoned as soon as he sees his boss’ brief flash of annoyance on his face. “I mean, well done, Mr. President. Umm… Ah… Would you be sleeping with alcohol tonight?”

A) Hell no! What did I say about not letting people think I am drunk!? What if I wish to experience this desert myself? Huh? Huuuuuh?
B) Yes. No way I am going to an awful desert.
C) Write-in.

You can ask Mike anything. The priest will be here to clean purify your bathroom later. We can… Skip the update about dinner… Then sleep, I guess.

Edit: image when i get home

Nyaa fucked around with this message at Apr 19, 2017 around 23:33

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Toilet Rascal

C: We can't afford to be seen drunk. Mainline coke and heroin instead.

Dammerung
Oct 16, 2008

"Dang, that's hot."


A - drinking just isn't something we do! And how glorious it will be to succeed in this desert where all others have failed.

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



B OF COURSE WE ARE YOU SIMPLETON! Say one thing, do another! That's the Trump way and don't you FORGET IT! Just tell the plebs we're so drat presidential we don't disappear! Now go get the Trump Vodka!

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

1B: Its Miller Time Baby!!! We drink only the best of American swill beer!

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


AJ_Impy posted:

C: We can't afford to be seen drunk. Mainline coke and heroin instead.

C: Benadryl and that Robotussun stuff my kid was using. Not the good kid, the bad kid. :

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Added image. Nothing special about them.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

Added image. Nothing special about them.

Don't sell yourself short, the images contribute nicely to the visual of the post, and you're a saint for updating on a regular basis.

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005




Dammerung posted:

A - drinking just isn't something we do! And how glorious it will be to succeed in this desert where all others have failed.

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


AJ_Impy posted:

C: We can't afford to be seen drunk. Mainline coke and heroin instead.

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


AJ_Impy posted:

C: We can't afford to be seen drunk. Mainline coke and heroin instead.

I like the way this is going.

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

A roc and a hard place


B. Pure Russian vodka made in America to wipe the Chinese stench

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


C: one of those old time fuckers said "Sleep is for the Weak" it's a powerful power move to never sleep again. Like these bullshit dreams can dare to gently caress with us then

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Vote closed.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



I would like to warn everyone of the drug-like experience that everyone are going to suffer tonight.

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Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


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