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CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

I would like to warn everyone of the drug-like experience that everyone are going to suffer tonight.

. . . eh, what?

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Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


This is what I imagine a bad trip is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOs5Jn1iSvA

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


I'm woopin an hollerin

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


Nyaa posted:

I would like to warn everyone of the drug-like experience that everyone are going to suffer tonight.

Really this just described the entire thread so fire away I guess

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Its because its 4/20, isn't it? Isn't it!?!

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



Interestingly, I haven't slept in three days. I wish this upon The Orange Demon.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Blasphemaster posted:

Interestingly, I haven't slept in three days. I wish this upon The Orange Demon.

You okay?

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



After Mike hastily leaves your room – what a hardworking man –, you hastily pull out your drawer for the special pills you brought back from Russia. No border security would dare to check the president, not even on the insistence of that goddamn Secret Service. Keep your hands to your dick, you liberal fetishist! You obviously have nothing to hide about the size of your junk, but they will surely leak the info out and the fake news will tell everyone that it is ten times smaller than it is! drat the first amendment! That’s the freedom to speech, right? Whatever! Hisssssss!

… Anyway, if getting mentally defective is the way to block out the dream, then you are BORN to use stronger than alcohol stuff to keep you brain occupied because you are just so smart. It makes perfect sense now that Putin is truly your friend who tried to help you stay away from the desert with that hundred years old vodka. It’s a shame that the alcohol is not enough for his dumb brain though… Or maybe he had fallen into some Chinese Manipulation, which explains their agents. Stay strong, comrade.


You swallowed two drugs that have ‘hero’ and ‘coke’ in its name. A name worthy of you and a flavor beloved by American. These top-notch premium 4/20 cut drugs came straight from Putin’s pocket and you trust those Chinese agent can’t have touched them.


It is time... Hmm, you seem to have forgotten something... Oh, well.


Leeeeeeeet’s Gooooooooooooooooooooo!

-------------------------------------


David Todd Christofferson was summoned to the White House all the way from Utah… Again. The two hours helicopter flight might not seem like a lot, but going back and forth is four hours total, and doing this twice a day equal eight whole hours serving Trump to his holy needs. David pray to the holy father for guidance on whether he should move to D.C. in these… Demanding times of supposedly “Black Magic” and insane fervor. He receives no reply as usual. No, no. God works in his mysterious ways that might seem like he is not there, but we all know he is constant listening and sometime unexplainable bad things happens to good people as part of his mysterious ways. It’s all God’s plan for him to suffer these (first-world problem) hourly long trips back and forth Washington.


There must be a reason God’s hand has chosen President Trump and he must have a greater role in this than warning others to turn away from the lure of Satan and keep telling everyone that everything will be better. He will have plenty of time to ponder with the strangely secluded pilot who usually have a lot to chat.


Getting into the White House isn’t a problem for him because his prestigiously name of David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Tweleve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is well known to everyone here. They all know of the president constant needs for religious guidance in his difficult decisions as the President of the United State.

Feeling more positive with his grand role in the working of God, he were about to steps into the Oval Office when the Secret Service stopped him.


“Sorry, Elder. The Prez would like to be alone for the rest of the night.” The door guard explained.


David is confused. Why is he summon to the White House by the President, but not to meet with him? He stares to another guard and asks “Why?” in hope that it was a mistake that the other guard can clear up.


The other guard shake his head and says, “Umm, sorry, Elder, the President wished for you to clean-umm, purify his shower to produce holy water for his cleansing bath later.”


David’s mind can’t compute the instructions. It sounded like an odd task that he - David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Tweleve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – should not be summoned all the way from Utah to here. “Any local priest can do that!” He raised his voice to the two members of the Secret Service, and they lowers their head in speechless agreement. David is dumbstrucked. The only word he can produce from his mouth is “What the Fu-“

------------------------------------------------------


























: Oh, Jesus. People are bulling me Every.Single.Day.
: It is ok, my son. And call me by my real name Yeshua.
: But that’s Hebrew, and Jews are the bad guys. Hissss
: Shh… Shh… I forgive everyone. Except everyone whom hurts your feelings.
: Wahhh…
: Cry in my manly white chest, my son. Let me purify your sinful Chinese stain off your orange/yellowed soul!
: WAHHHHHHHHH!

---------------------------
David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - can’t believe his eyes. The moment the secret service guards open up the door when they heard the screaming cries of the President like he is being assassinated, everyone’s concern is being replaced by awe and disbelieve.


Trump is hugging and sobbing on a white pillar… Upside down… Naked.




---------------------------


: Jeshua?
: Yes, my favored white boy?
: Everyone likes me, right? Billions of people showed up at my rally, right?
: Yes, my son. All the angel are there for you. Only the smartest and purest can see them.
: I knew it.
: You sure do.
: Jeshua?
: Yes, my most beautiful white boy?
: Can I lick your toe?
: No, stop hugging me.
: Wha...?

Jesus forcefully pull you away from his embrace and you tries desperately to grab onto the distancing Jesus

: Nooo, Yeehaaaa! I am not-sorry! Noooooo!

---------------------------

The guards have help David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints –to secure the president with robe and ties onto the Oval Office desk to bind the man who is clearly possessed by demon. Its foul tongue praised a foreign name of some entity that is not Jesus or God, and it latches out its tongue disturbingly like a devil with wide eyes. Its demon-controlled body shake with such inhuman intensity that is desperately trying to grab onto something into its demonic embrace while foam coming out of its mouth that spoke incomprehensible words of demon. Dear Lord, he must perform Exorcism now. For he - David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - is the most qualified and this must be the will of God.

---------------------------

A bunch of demon suddenly appears in your sight. They are the invisible forces that pulled you away from your savior. Laughing loudly at your lost and torment, they watches you strangle with futile result. You keep screaming “DEMON!” DEMON!” and they laugh even louder with stronger grip on your body. Despite the pain that is enveloping your body, you struggle even harder than you ever struggled because you knew if you give up now, the demons will drag you to hell. You “HISSSSSSSSS!” with great anger at the foul demon managed to grab one of them by the neck and slam it on the desk with great force.

-----------------------

David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints watches in horror as the orange demon hissing with greater demonic intensity, and his sudden surge of demonic strength that can’t be normally produced by a normal human being is used to slam one of the agent’s head onto the desk. God bless his soul!


“BY THE POWER INSTILL UPON THIS BIBLE AND CROSS! I COMPELL THEE!” David tried to command the demon with the Bible and Cross, but only made the demon angrier with stronger self-affirmation of its existence by trying to reinforce its possession with similarly counter-chanting of “Weeee! Weeee!”

“Such tenacity!” David commented at the possibly high-ranking demon that has taken hold of the gentle kind man that he meet only this morning. If only he realized it sooner! If only he believe him about the Black Magic! “Oooh lord, please forgives my foolishness.” He whispered to himself softly. This is going to be a long night after a long rear end flight.

----------------------
More and more demons shows up and ties you with entrails of Chinese Women to make you filthier! How horrible! But your soul is pure! You just wanted to lick Jesus’ toe! You can do this! You can’t do this! You can’t do thissss! You face sobs terribly as the demon begin painting your beautiful white skin with foul orange colored liquid! You remember once adoring such color to appeal to the Latino audience, but you have long realized they are the color of demon and must be kick out of the border back to Mexico. How dare these demon remind you of your shameful ironic history! How dare they! HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

-----------------------------------


“BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME - David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints , I repeat!

“BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME - David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints , I repeat!

“BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME - David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints , I command thee to leave this body now covered in holy water!

It is working! The holy water is weakening the demon and making it cry! Such miracle of the lord! Oh bless you, Mr. Trump! David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will get you free in a couple more hours!

------------------------------------

Lesson of the day. Happy 420.

-------------------------------------


Morning sunshine pierce through the curtainless window of the Oval Office. There lays a naked wet man tied up with layer of torn off curtain and some actual chains on the table. Many secret service members, some FBI, and most of the Republican members are resting themselves somewhere in the office. All tired from watching the epic exorcism of last night’s battle against the possessed demon.

David Todd Christofferson – Elder of Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the most exhausted of all as he performed the most holy duty in the name of God. He has long lost his voice from all the yelling against the demon. But the prize is worth it, for the once demonized president is now resting motionlessly. Yet, not long enough before he woke tiredly to notices his surroundings. He went on a tantrum to be untied and demand for answer, which he receives promptly by various members in the room.

1) How did the you respond to the exorcism?
A) Excellent Job! Your priest - *omitted long name/title* - is now the White House official Priest! Extremely thankful!
B) How dare you do this to me! You are fired!
C) Ok.
D) Write-in

2) How is Trump reasoning of this event?
A) A demon really possessed me! BLACK MAGIC!
B) It’s probably the drug, but you won’t admit that.
C) It’s this dream phenomenon.
D) I was possessed by Jesus, you dumbasses!
E) Forgot reasoning, let’s breakfast that will not be narratively skipped because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
F) Write-in

3) What’s the plan for today? You are not in the mood for golf again FYI.
Write-in

Nyaa fucked around with this message at Apr 21, 2017 around 14:50

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


A
A
Lets hang out with our kids, make sure the devil isn't taking his revenge on our family

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

1B: "What did you idiots do?!? How could I have possibly been possessed by the Devil?!? Me, the most perfect, most capable, BIGLY, President of all time!?! I was in fact . . . "

2D: "Inhabited by the Holy Spirit!!! And they were about to impact onto me the knowledge to get us out of this whole mess!!!"

3: Time to check in with our favorite person, Jared and Ivanka. Then, if there's time, see what those NASA eggheads are up to.

Poldarn
Feb 18, 2011



Outrail posted:

A
A
Lets hang out with our kids, make sure the devil isn't taking his revenge on our family


+1

Hahaha, what an amazing update.

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008




Depends on if I sleep tonight. poo poo's rough and totally inexplicable.

BD. gently caress YOU FUCKERS I WAS HAVING AN INTIMATE MOMENT WITH GOD! YOU ARE ALL FIRED FROM EVERYTHING FOREVER!" Now bring me some proper American floozies. Fly 'em in from Carson City, I hear they breed 'em on a Ranch like rabbits.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


I lolled

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


Well this update is fine, it deserves whatever hoots and hollers are the direct opposite of an angry frog growl.

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005




Literally the best thing I ever read

CourValant posted:

1B: "What did you idiots do?!? How could I have possibly been possessed by the Devil?!? Me, the most perfect, most capable, BIGLY, President of all time!?! I was in fact . . . "

2D: "Inhabited by the Holy Spirit!!! And they were about to impact onto me the knowledge to get us out of this whole mess!!!"

3: Time to check in with our favorite person, Jared and Ivanka. Then, if there's time, see what those NASA eggheads are up to.


+1

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


CB

China thing is concerning. Better get a plan. Call up Austrailua and find out what they think they're right next door and they're sorta bizzaro upside down America. P sure they also revolutioned against king george

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Toilet Rascal

1B
2A

You're fired! Yes, it was the devil, but no, you don't get to bore me, longname!

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Blasphemaster posted:

Depends on if I sleep tonight. poo poo's rough and totally inexplicable.
Well, hope you got some sleep then.

McSpanky posted:

Literally the best thing I ever read
Thanks!

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



You are possessed by Jesus/Demon are tied. I usually just merge the tie, but I don't think it's possible without consensus or tiebreaking.

This thread have a half and half Demon /Jesus split. The future looks bright/dark.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

. . . but I don't think it's possible without consensus or tiebreaking.
So, whatcha gonna do?

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



CourValant posted:

So, whatcha gonna do?
Current plan is to let the polar holy/unholy voters to fight it out over the no-work weekend.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

Current plan is to let the polar holy/unholy voters to fight it out over the no-work weekend.
So you're telling me to actively try and sway votes then?

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



CourValant posted:

So you're telling me to actively try and sway votes then?
Yes, in the name of Yeshua, you shall show them the environmentally friendly light.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Epiphany! We weren't possessed by Jesus. We weren't possessed by the Devil. We were possessed by both! They are one and the same. Pretender! Sent to test mankind. A test we passed! Only one man could pass this test. Only one man could channel and combat the might of Devil Jesus and live. Donald J Trump! Gods avatar on this our blighted earth!

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


Flip a coin for my vote, it's what Dearest leader would do.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

*Ahem

"Believe me when I tell you folks, the Devil did not visit us last night. Believe me.

We are too strong, too powerful, too right, BIGLY. The powers of Satan cannot, will not, ever have us.

Because the Morning Star is for higher taxes, more regulations, killing jobs, illegal alien criminals. SAD!

Yeshua told me everything will be fine, that everyone loves me. He's coming back, and its going to be YUGE!!! He's coming, it'll be the best, FANTASTIC coming ever, and he's going to tell me how to fix everything."

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



We were possessed by Hillary Clinton, obviously

does her black Magic know no bounds?

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


C'mon it was 4000mg of a bright yellow pill that says "get laid"
Not the first time, not gonna be the last. Get your heads on straight so we can get back to MAGA

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Toilet Rascal

I'm totally down with possessed by both.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


See you guys went in too deep. Should've just kept it professional, stuck with it was the drugs

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



After a brief contemplation of what transpired last night in your dream, you are pretty ABSOLUTELY SURE what happened last night in your dream was something like this:

---------------
President Trump! The Greatest President in history of mankind! Please suck my toe!
*Deep brawly voice* Well, if you insist, Jesus, I suppose I…
OH NO! MEXICAN DEMON!
*Rip off clothes revealing bulging muscles* I got this.
I send you a priest!
DON’T NEED IT! *PURGE EVIL WITH RAW AWESOME FIST OF JUSTICE*
My heroooooo!
Now suck MY double portrait-sized toe, Jesus! It.Ain’t.Gonna.Suck.It.Self!

*Omitted dream sequence*

------------


You point your finger straight at the priest with a name too long to be a secret Japanese! The angry stare you showering at him is not expected by most people in the room, indeed, the priest is getting too much attention for an exorcism that YOU DID ALL THE WORK! HOW DARE HE!

“YOU idiotic fool!” You shouted your alpha male roaring warning befitting of a baby lion, the king of the jungle, at this tiny, tiny, kitty that thought it hunted a big slice of meat! But he is WRONG! “I was the one who exo-ex-” You paused for a brief moment to think up the word for exorcism that you do it yourself, but quickly given up to not show weakness at the Beta male! “-Exo-ed the demon with Jesus’ blessing!”

The long name priest that even the Akratic Record of God would not bother checking the backlog to look up its insignificant name is bewildered by your claim that you did it yourself! “A-are you sure?” He asked nervously, but you can tell he is trying to protest against your claim, but you will not let him have the chance!

“Yes, and You.Are.Fired!” Your finger cannot get firmer and muscle tightened that humanly possible when you make your statement. The room is agape in wide-mouthed awe of your awesomeness.

However, instead of what you expected, the priest’s lip slowly turning into an wide smile and he response, “I-I see, Mr. President! My apology for your issue and may you find a better priest in my stead!” He grab your finger by the point and shake it eagerly as he continues. “May god have mercy-I mean blessing on you.” Then he leaves. Possible his final two hours trip back to… Idaho? “MY JOB IS DONE!” You can heard him scream with excitement from the hall.

You were slightly surprised by the unusual respond, but quickly come to the conclusion that Jesus got your toe on this and it is all good. Regaining the commanding authority of the now scattered group of these unfaithful ingrates who forgotten who’s the REAL leader is, you turns to them not with anger, but KINDNESS! “You heard the priest, men! Jesus helped me with my self-exorcism against Hilary’s demon!”

The conservatives members whom raised by the ‘Big Book of B’ are swift to accept what they seen. The room instantly become a party-like atmospheres where you are promptly dressed in your best and getting questioned by last night battle against demon and what not. This is good; you are feeling great about this. Today is going to be a good day. You can feel it in your toe.

There are several good-non-fake questions that you should address:
1) Who should be your next go-to-priest? Write-in your come-to-priest.

2) People wants more detail about Hillary Black Magic, anything to say or reveal about that? Sean Spicer has been bombarded by questions that he can’t answers.

3) The Republican are inquiring your position in this crisis. Many of them in this room believe you are chosen by god (how else could you had won the election?) to do something great. What are you planning to do and what they should do for you? You are also reminded people like them (Rich) need lower taxes in such time of stressed to help with the economy. You agree wholly with that last statement, and signed a lower tax bill for the rich that they handed to you with a pen without reading it.

4) The head of NASA did came over brief on you about the progress. He seems very unhappy with passive aggressive tone that basically boils down to: “Wahhhh~ We may be Rocket Scientist, but that doesn’t mean we can be randomly relocated to study different field of… Witchcraft Science! Wahhh~ You cut our funding! So we don’t wanna help with SO LITTLE nerdy TINY TINY group we have now! Wahhh!” Write-in thought/plan/response/etcs.

God drat, people keep coming in. You are getting hungry! ONE MORE QUESTION!

5) CIA official informs you that more foreign leaders has disappeared overnight, but mostly from major country. Those who remained in this world have claim they consumed alcohol or a known alcoholic. Some ex-leaders or presidential candidates of the great countries are also included in the disappearance. So far, they can also assume the link of the disappearance are tied to leader and leader candidates from world power nation.

“That’s good and all, but what’s you question?” You asked the CIA agent.

“Pardon, Mr. President?” The agent is confused by your question.

“Your question, boy. Question.” You clears his confusion with an annoyed fatherly stern superior tone. “Everyone come to me for question.”


“I… I have none, Mr-“


He paused at your finger gesture. As an agent of the Central Intelligence Agency, he knows this posture of your is the “You are fire” pose, so he asked a question immediately. “Um, uh, what do you like for breakfast today, Mr. President?”

Good question. A real good and relevant question. Finally, someone who actually care about your well-being! This guy should be promoted! To be your Secret Service guy! You pats on his shoulder and say. “You are Hired. I want-“

Write-in Breakfast.

After that, you will pay family kids a visit. By that, you mean you will pay (with taxpayer money) for them to come to the White House. You are a busy man after all.

WAIT! NO. You have a better idea! A WONDERFUL FAMILY MAN IDEA! You. Are. Going. To have breakfast with your family! And they are going eat what you eat of course.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


1) Call Vatican priest depot, Baptist, monistary, and temple, and mhave them send candidates we will rigorously check for quality like our hit show apprentice.

2) Spicy, in these difficult times, we need you. We're building solutions *move hands in big-league style* and will have updates soon, but now is not the time to reveal our plans to the wholel world and show our hand. They're trying more extreme levels of magic but it's not working, don't tell them why it's not working though.

3) I'm building wall -- BUT -- it's more than just Mexican wall, this will prevent other evil influences too. Incorperating jesus styles into the wall will just make it beautiful and stronger. But we need bigger solutions. You're gentlemen who GET WORK DONE, I need you to assist helpless eggheads, and whatever our professional CIA needs you should support.

4) But don't worry Dr. Eggman, we're gonna get this fixed, I can see you are looking for the bigger picture. What do you need for the project? Hadrons? Dream Catcher? Magnet? Mars rocket? Computer + pencils? Show me your business plan for this solution some time this week. Get in touch with repubs for a hand up in this.

5) Sausage. Hash brown. Coffee. Oranges. Bacon. More Sausage. Hmmm, thinking we should let the south know we understand them. Chicken Waffles. Biscut + gravy.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Toilet Rascal

5. Eat the priestman's heart, gain his god-bothering powers.

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



gently caress IT. Have our Grand Exalted SON IN LAW deal with all this poo poo, we're going golfing again. As is our way.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Are there lady priests? We want a lady priest. A Bu ch if them so they can compete for the position of head Donald priest.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

1: The answer, when asked who should fill this role, is JARED!!!

2: “Spicey, don’t make me come down to that pressroom again. Just give these FAKE NEWS people the REAL FACTS!!! a) Hilary using witchcraft on me b) She got that power from Obama and his ‘native roots’ and c) I am the anointed one blessed by the one true GOD to delivery us from this mess. What more do they need to know?”

3: “I’m not going to tell you what I’m going to do, because I want to keep our enemies guessing and keep them off-balance! That’s what a STRONG, SMART LEADER does!!! All you need to know is that when the time comes, I expect 110% support and obedience from you!!!”

4: “Listen you dweebs, nobody cared about you guys in high school, and nobody cares about you now. Your task is SIMPLE. Make me something I can fight these dream snatchers with, BIGLY. Preferably something with ivory grips that I can fire in one hand. That way, I can have one in each hand while I take out these LOSERS!!!”

5: “I’m going to have the only breakfast ever worth having. The breakfast of KINGS! Taco bowls from Trump Tower!”

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


gently caress am I supposed to read all this?!
whatever the guy before me just said

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Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Many, many conversations was had this morning. All before breakfast, which means you can hardly pay attentions to what they are saying. If you have to put all of these in a bullet point style on the paper, it would be a mess of like five paragraph with some underlines to help you focus on the main point. That’s how your brain is sorting through it all and it is a mess. The only thing that kept you going through all these awful conversation all these years are these little praising of you in between the blah-blah-blah. You are only going through with this because people LOVES you, and you will do whatever to make people love you while your (rich) friend also loves you.

Anyway, you aren’t listening to question six… or eight at this point. Some of them sounds like national emergency, but TOO EARLY, MAN, TOO EARLY. You excuse yourself for breakfast and have the new secret service guy you just hired to follow you to take down your orders. It took another finger pointing for him to realize that he have no choice in the matter: He.Is.Hired.

As you two walking down the hallway, you ask your new hire a question. “Here’s a test for you, recruit. As your new boss, I need to make sure you have good memory because everything will go fast! So fast that you gonna forget stuff. Important Stuff. So here is a test. You ready?”

The ex(?)-CIA Agent, your new hire, seem fazed by your sudden demand. “Ye…. S?” He answered reluctantly. There’s plenty of thing this newbie will have to learn to become your personal trusted aide, but he got the heart and that is rare in Washington.

“I want you…” You say slowly and mentor-ly to this little man that is taller than you, but not position wise, no, you are much more experienced in the world of business and Washington. Anyhow, the test question: “What did I say about my plan for today?”

You can see the gears inside this little man’s head going on full throttle to recall all the mess of conversation that has occurred. His blank stares shows he is all the way inside his mind digging for information like a proficient CIA agent. Finally, he reminded answered you:

For your replacement priest, you were asking for someone cool like Jared Kushner, your senior advisor and son-in-law. He can’t be your priest because that would be awkward and gives him the wrong idea of who is in charge. In fact, you should call him to help you deal with all these craps instead.You also don’t mind a female priest because you are pro-gender equality and your request has been sent to the Vatican Priest Depot or whatever they call it there, to send you the candidates. Preferably also in some sort of show business.

Ask for more information in regards to Hillary’s Black Magic, you refuse to reveal any more facts, not even to the FBI or CIA because now is not the time and to keep the enemies guessing. You do tell Sean Spicer to reinforce the facts to the fake news that Hillary did use witchcraft on you, possibly with Obama.

Next, you address the Republican Party with non-committal answer of what’s going on, but to trust you completely… And vague message about Jesus Painting on the Mexican Wall you are going to build.

Then, the head of NASA came to report of their lack of manpower to conduct a proper reallocation of staff member toward exotic research. You umm… Say a few rude things about their collage status and tell him to draw up something for the dream issue by the end of this week. You and your party might considers giving them the funding they need. He is very enthusiastic at the proposal and promise to have something ready soon.

Next, you-

“Ok, stop. I have enough of your answer. They are good. That’s all I needed. I don’t need to hear the rest.” You rumbling on a bit more until your stomach rumbled. You are at your limit of hunger. No more work. You have enough sweet words as it is, and only salt, sugar, and crispy oil can sate you.

When you reached the entrance of your room, you point to one of the secret service agent and say “You are fired.” Then point to the new guy that will replace him. You let those two sort things out as you walk back into your room. The thought of taking a bath crossed your mind, but you technically already taken a holy bath the whole night, so you will settle with breakfast instead.

You wait.



And wait.




Time goes by so slow when you are waiting.





Ten minutes of waiting is too much! You dial the hotline to demand for your food, but the chef reply that the food is already in the dining hall. What? Why would you-Oh fiddlestick on a Chinese man bumphole!

---------------

You walk into the dining hall where the big long decorative table filled with food and your family patiently waiting for the past 20 minutes on your late arrival. That will show them who’s the daddy. You are

“Good morning, father.”Your son-in-law and daughter greets you simultaneously with trained-etiquette golden smile. Good.

“What a wonderful morning dear!” Your excited wife who you haven’t met for a the last two week because of your ‘Russian Diplomacy’ is glad to meet you with a sunshine smile. Good.

You whisper into her ears, “You have too much makeup.” And her smiles shrinks to nothingness. Good. That really improves your appetite.

Normally, there would be some casual conversation during the meal, but you are starving after the whole night with Jesus. Moreover, Sausage, Hash Brown, Coffee, Oranges, Bacon, Italian Sausage, Chicken Waflles, Biscuit with gravy. Hmmmmm, you just don’t have time to use your mouth for talking, and your hand is too busy pouring ketchup on pancakes or using the folk for biscuit.

1) Anything you want to talk to your family? Write-in

2) What else do you plan to do today? You might fall asleep if you gone on too long without any activity!

You won’t like it, but if there’s really nothing else to do, you suppose you could go golfing again… Sigh.

… Or…

… Maybe…You would like to…

3) Automate for the rest of the week? Y/N

Nyaa fucked around with this message at Apr 27, 2017 around 00:11

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