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 “Beautiful.” I worded precisely from my memorized speech for good gift. “Your king is clearly a tasteful and knowledgeable person like me.” The three dwarf smiles at my appreciation and praise of their king. Foreign relation, so easy. However, I can’t downplay myself just because his gift is more expensive. “He is a great kink who knows how to pay homage and tribute!” Their smile fades on the word ‘tribute’, but that won’t stop me from speaking the truth! “Unfortunately, there seem to be a flaw in this unfinished statue?” I stood to the side of the statue, facing them the same direction as the statue. “…What kind of flaw?” The dwarves asked with narrowing eyes and angering tone.  Spreading my arm wide like an angel, and then slowly press my palm into praying form over the statue. I points out the very visible flaw. “It doesn’t have my face on it.” Their eyes went wide and face reddening with bulging vent. One of them already placing their hand on that tiny little hammer like it would be threatening, but I have something to help them absorb the truth. In the friendliest manner I can muster, “Please, enjoy and bring your generous king some of our delicacy like volka and coca cola.” Their anger lessen a little, so I continue with my final demand that I worded passively that these stupid midget would not notice. “I am sure these wonderful oddities would keep you joyous on your stay while working on reimaging this statue to my face.” Their mouth went wide agap. “How dare you.” One of them muttered.  Your Pretorian Guard steps in like a wall of armor in between you and the dwarves. It seem to have some deterring effect on what foolish thing they are having in their half-size brain. “Why would you want to change the face?” The dwarf that was oblivious to his mission asked. Was I not clear? Or are they stupid? Probably the latter. I sighed before I explain… slowly. “As I said. Your king knows this gift is worthy of my position. It is a gift to me, a faulty product that I generously accept with kind heart.” I press both my hands to my chest to mimic the Saint Maria-something sorrow pose. “All I ask was for you to fix the flaw. I am the victim here. Do you know how SAD I feel?” “Ohhh I am sor-ouufff“ The oblivious dwarf got interrupted by a kidney punch. “This is foolish! Our king would have our head for defacing his statue!” The kidney puncher dwarf complained. “This is insulting to us and we refuse!”  A) YOU ARE FIRE! B) Compromise C) JAIL THEM D) Fine, but go do your job! E) I am just testing you! F) Write-in Nyaa fucked around with this message at 00:59 on Feb 8, 2018 |
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Feb 8, 2018 00:54
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Feb 8, 2018 15:02
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hahaha E we need to know how loyal and how willing to fight (then secretly arrange the oblivious one to get some small personal gift, begin picking their loyalty apart a little)
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Feb 8, 2018 17:01
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F. Ignore them and start making kissy faces at a mirror.
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Feb 9, 2018 19:16
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Nyaa posted:B) Compromise "We are the BEST negotiator, the GREATEST negotiator, so we will NEGOTIATE the BEST compromise! The GREATEST compromise!! You Dorfs, you will re-carve the statue in my image. As you said, the statue is made to look like your king. Well, I AM YOUR KING NOW!!! So, there will be no conflicts of loyalty! You may show your gratitude in how I compromised you the GREATEST, BEST SOLUTION!!!"
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Feb 9, 2018 21:46
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These midget idiots! I am tired of them! They are so stupid! They can’t comprehend the most important part and crying like a bunch of baby! Now I am mad! “Oh you poor baby!” Kissy kissy face. “Do you want more candy?”  WHAT DID YOU JUST SAID!? “Ok, seriously.” Extreme serious face. “This all a test for your loyalty.”  Huh? “AND YOU ALL GET A BIG FAT F!”  Except you, boy, you get a passing C. Aww thanks. “You see, I am the BEST negotiator, in fact the GREATEST negotiate in this world and previous world, actually ALL WORLD!” : I DON’T GIVE A FLY-TRAP ON YOUR STUPID MOUNTAIN OF EGO AND PIG-BORN MUDDED- “Shhhh…. Shhhhh”  … “You dorfs! Do you not see the great compromise that is happening here between me and your king?” : … Huh?  “Why do you think YOUR KING give that statue to ME?” : …. To show off? “Oh for Christ’s sake, these loving idoits.” : Did you say something about us? “Listen, the Statue. It is made to look like your king, well, I am your King now!” : … : We are? : *kidney punch* No you idiot! : Ow! “Of course I am!” Points to the statue. “This statue represent your King, yes?” : … Yes? “He have YOU THREE delivers this symbolic meaning of KING, and GIFT the KING, to ME! You three are part of the GIFT PACKAGE! Can your mind make the goddamn connections?” : O-oh my god! : Wai-wait-wait-wait! This doesn’t- “Oh, you poor baby!” Kissy kissy face. “Did ya brain hurt? Want papa to give you a gugu gaga?” : HEY! STOP THAT! “I am your king, BOY. Now carve that drat statue!” : I-I DON’T BELIEVE IT!: It kind of make sense to m- Oufff- Babies. All of them! What a bunch of children! Do I have to keep babysitting them or are they going to grow up!? A) Be patient as a parenting KING figure. These people lack educations. B) Give up on these defacted babies. Even Jesus can't saves them. C) Write-in Nyaa fucked around with this message at 01:06 on Feb 10, 2018 |
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Feb 10, 2018 01:03
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Nyaa posted:A) Be patient as a parenting KING figure. These people lack educations. Also, offer them a gugu gaga??!
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Feb 10, 2018 01:59
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CourValant posted:Also, offer them a gugu gaga??!
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Feb 10, 2018 05:00
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C.
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Feb 10, 2018 05:08
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still an underrated thread imio A
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Feb 10, 2018 11:30
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C tell them that obviously they couldn't have sent a statue with our face on it because their sculptor would have nothing to reference, so they used the closest thing they had.
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Feb 11, 2018 03:01
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Volmarias posted:C tell them that obviously they couldn't have sent a statue with our face on it because their sculptor would have nothing to reference, so they used the closest thing they had. Genius.
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Feb 12, 2018 19:37
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I only putting this up because I want the absolute best craftsmanship on my magnificent face! These dwarves should be HONORED to be able to curve my face into diamond! Screw persuasion, they will do anything with a proper reason.  "Oh, we are getting too heated over this. Let’s all calm down with some cake and continues this discussion like gentlemen. It won’t look good in front of the lady." I pointed at the peeking ‘bed consort’ who arrived a couple days before and the main cause of my lack of sleep for a while. High class, extremely obedient, and dumb. Just how I like it. : Hmph! It wouldn’t change a thing. *grumple*: There, there, let’s sit down so we can all enjoy those cake.: Anything for cake. These cake have double the sugar that will go straight into the dwarves small body and make them high as heaven. I already win the game when you lost to your glutton greed. “I understand your feelings and loyalty to the king. However, it is true that your King really indicates what I said.” I explained while carefully monitoring each of their cake stuffed face. Good, they are too stuffed to make a long and loud rejection. : I am glad you understood our position, but how do you arrive at this conclusion?“It’s simple. Your king never seen my face, and you three hardly seen mine for more than few dozen minutes. If he ask you to commission a statue of me with my face, do you think you can carve it perfectly from memory?” : … He got a point. *looks at other dwarves*: I still don’t see how he arrives at that conclusion either. *stares at Trump with suspicious eyes*: But what if he’s correct. *asking other dwarves*“I understand your doubt, but I am a businessman and ruler of the city. I SHOULDN’T be wasting time debating and proving FACTS for a gift.” The dwarves now eyes each other, slowly being convinces that perhaps this golden haired nice human in front of them are actually telling the truth and they have been very disrespectful.  “Thankfully, I am a great compromiser. The BEST decision maker that can solves all war of the land if I bothers. So I shall offers you a middle road: Two of you stay and carve my face while the third of you go back and ask the king about how right I absolutely am.” They stares at each other more, and after a moment. Their main man say “Fine, we accepts.” “Good.” These dumbasses are going to finish making a diamond face of me! Should I do anything more? A) No, the third dwarf will be too late by the time he come back and I will store the statue in bullet-proof case on exhibit. B) Yes, I will kidnap the dwarf and blame it on monster. C) B, in fact, I will hire a dwarf to make a fake report ordering these two dwarves to serve me forever! D) Write-in
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Feb 17, 2018 01:14
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C, except Chief does this because Trump actually BELIEVES it.
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Feb 17, 2018 01:24
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D
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Feb 17, 2018 03:50
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CD Prindt out the "official" orders with our deskjet they will never know the difference because of our perfect printer technology, they still have to write on cow hides with pens and they don't even have sharpies. Also store the statue behind bullet proof glass. Then print up a bunch of flyers to give to hobbits advertising the opportuinities available in Trump City in almost any job you can imagine and even jobs you can't
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Feb 17, 2018 04:37
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Nyaa you truly are a forums treasure. D as described in the update, but we send a message to DwarfKing challenging him to an official gift-off. First one to give a disappointing gift loses and has to do a [write in thing or Nyaa's choice]. Blasphemaster fucked around with this message at 22:56 on Feb 17, 2018 |
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Feb 17, 2018 22:53
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SniperWoreConverse posted:CD Prindt out the "official" orders with our deskjet they will never know the difference because of our perfect printer technology, they still have to write on cow hides with pens and they don't even have sharpies. Also store the statue behind bullet proof glass. Then print up a bunch of flyers to give to hobbits advertising the opportuinities available in Trump City in almost any job you can imagine and even jobs you can't Blasphemaster posted:Nyaa you truly are a forums treasure. Both of these. And yes, Nyaa, you are indeed a forums treasure.
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Feb 20, 2018 21:15
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To reward the dwarfs who are willing to work on the statue give them a lot of trump liquor before they even start. They're dumb but got some kinda good qualities to them. What could go wrong?
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Feb 20, 2018 22:41
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SniperWoreConverse posted:What could go wrong? Yep, drunken diamond cutting, what could possibly go wrong??
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Feb 20, 2018 23:02
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Personally, I think nothing could go wrong.
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Feb 21, 2018 04:36
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Isolate the most dissenting dwarf and offer to help him userp the throne for shits, giggles, and a 12 pack of Zima Gold.
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Feb 21, 2018 05:43
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 “My lord,” My armored bodyguard call to my attention after the discussion with those midget. “Would you like me to execute anyone of those disrespectful twerps?” I like this guy. “No.” I told him with a smile. “I have something else to make them suffer.” The bodyguard nods and continues to follow me.  Those foolish dwarves. They have incurred the wrath of Donal Trump, and this Trump remembers his grudges very well. Isn’t that right, Mrs. Crooked Hillary? -------------------  [Castle Hall]  : “I am happy that it is you who choose to check with the king.” : “Yeah? Why’s that?”: “You are the most dissenting among your friends, so hearing it from your king will certain clear it all up.” *smile*: “You seriously believe what you thought you said?”: “Of course! Why else would the king send me diamonds?” : *Narrow Eyes* “We shall see.” *Exit*: *Stares at closed door with a sad smile* “I am sure.”The door opens to another dwarf. One of those from the survey team.  : “You called? Mr. President?”: “Yes, please deliver this to your king.” --------------------------- 10 minutes later…  [Forest] : “What are you doing here!? Why are you surrounding me!?” : “Nothing personal.”  ----------------------------------  : Oh, you shouldn’t have!: Oh, but I must! You two are working hard to carve my face into diamond!: That’s very generous of you, Mr. President. That is more than we can handle.: (I know). Please! I heard the dwarf have legendary stomach for wines! You two certainly deserves to relax while carving my gentle smiling face.: Ohh, thank you! It’s just not work without alcohol!: It would be rude to refuse all these gifts… *eyes greedily at piles of expensive alcohols*: (Fools.) *Grin* The moment you got drunk and messed up my diamond face is where you will beg for my mercy! Ha ha ha! 
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Feb 24, 2018 02:43
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 You find the best Trump pictures.
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Feb 24, 2018 05:06
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151 will do nothing to dwarves it's like water to them
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Feb 24, 2018 08:05
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The plot thickens. Luckily we have booze to thin it out again.
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Feb 26, 2018 20:08
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I am working on all the faction map drawing on a paper, and I realized we don’t have a faction flag yet. Please design a flag. Otherwise it will be a coin flip between American flag or Trump head flag.
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Mar 14, 2018 15:37
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Nyaa posted:It will be a coin flip between American flag or Trump head flag. Got it. US flag one third, coin flip in the middle, trump head to round things off. Perfect.
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Mar 14, 2018 17:44
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Nyaa posted:Please design a flag. Otherwise it will be a coin flip between American flag or Trump head flag. There is only one logical choice. Baby hands badly photo-shopped over Stormy's head.
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Mar 14, 2018 18:55
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this  except just paste on extremely smug trump heads instead of eagle heads and one trump is smug dog smiling, and the other trump is smugly pissed off and the orb just says trump, and the crowns also say trump. We may need some extra stuff like scrolls that say trump, etc one claw should have a huge clump of money, the other one should have like a diamond spear or something maybe have it grabbing money and grabbing a pussy but I dunno how good that would be on a flag
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Mar 15, 2018 01:49
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I love the all in on the creativity but we all know it's just going to be a black rectangle that has T R U M P NATION centered in Impact font and gold embossed coloration, because Trump doesn't actually have the capacity to do something more clever than trying to brand a nation state after himself.
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Mar 15, 2018 15:07
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Volmarias posted:T R U M P This makes me a little uneasy due to a slight 'supremacist' connotation.
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Mar 15, 2018 20:23
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Sometime ago… “By the way, Mr. President.” The hobbit representative calls to my attention again. Those greedy midgets! All they do is ask for more and more! “What is it now?” I replied without hint of my frustration because I am a professional negotiator. Clearly taken aback by my unexpected politeness, the midget continues with a lower voice. “I-it’s about your nation flag, sir.” As I polite person, I reminded him firmly. “Mr. President.” “M-Mr. President.” He repeated as he metaphorically shrink in the face of my magnificent glamor of mannerism. I approve his admiration and willing to move on to the subject. “What about the flag?” “We would like to have the official flag of the nation to register and shown to others of your sovereign.” He explained, then point to the American Flag on the wall. “I noticed there are many flag in this castle, and wonders which is the official one.” I don’t exactly know the word ‘sovereign’ but it sounds right. “I will get back to you on that.” I say that as I move my face closer to his face and give him a better impression of me. He’s step-back proves he can’t handle all of me, which I understood. “Y-yes, Mr. President. Please provide us the drawing as soon as you can.” The poor hobbit seems like it wants to leave before he mind explodes from staring at my magnificent 1:1 scale manhood that he would never grow up to, so I turn around without a word and let him leave in peace. I am too kind. After a few days, I suddenly remember the flag issues when I happen to lay my eyes on a flag. Lucikiy, a dwarf is with me. “Hey dwarf.” I call to its attention without turning my face. I remember how bad the hobbit has faced with my face. “Draw me a flag.” “You talking to me?” This dwarf is one of those expedition dwarfs that isn’t the lazy trio delivering my precious treasures to their king. His reply is quite salvage and dumb, but I need to get this out of my mind before I get distracted by more important issues again. Sigh, it’s hard to stay polite to these immigrants. “Yes, I am. Would you make a map for my… Territory?” I tried to explain it as elementary to the dumbass that can’t even tell I am talking to him. God, why did I hire them to help survey the land. The dwarf gave me a confused look, at least that’s what I think it is. An emotion packed in a half a face is already have to tell; it’s like those happy face icon shirk to half size, making it hard to see, and these dwarf’s face is mostly covered by hair and beard. Jesus, how do they even recognize their own children? At quarter size? “Mr. President?” The dwarf called me out of my important thoughts. Obviously, I show on my face that it’s his fault for distracting me. Would their tiny eyes be able to tell from my expression? Regardless, he continues. “As I said, we Dwarf aren’t known for painting skill.” I raise my left eyebrows and challenge that connotation. “I heard Dwarf are great artist and smither.” “Yes, we are great crafter, but not painter!” He argue back at me to prove his race suck at drawing? “Though I appreciate the offer.” “I heard you all can carve beautiful stone wall.” I toss another evident, trying to defend for his own race. He seem to taken aback for a moment, then replies, “Yes, but those are patterns! Not landscape art or drawing of Griffins!” “Flag IS Pattern and Griffins!” I argued be with rising annoyance. Artist, all weirdos. He folds his arm and silent for a moment, then he argues with me again. “We dwarf aren’t train to use a paint brush.” I slowly shakes my head. This is like arguing with a kid. “Then make my flag on a stone carving!” His expression remain unreadable, but I can tell I checkmated him. Still, that drat dwarf try to change to topic. “But why us? Aren’t you going to design by other human whom are more familiar with your culture?” Fine. I will explains as much as I needed to this dipshit until he agree to do this ONE FRIGGING JOB. “Because baby hands can draw smaller detail line.” He pause in his silent, I am not sure what he is thinking and finally make a short sigh and accepts. “Fine, what do you want on a flag?” Good. It’s time to let my creativity flows. This my land, but I am also an American, so it should contain… I point at the U.S.A. flag, “One third of this.” Then I pull out a coin in my pocket, wait no, all I have in there are candies and stacks of $100 bills for cigar burning. “Wait here.” Then I go grab an American Dollar Gold Coin back to him. “This coin represent our great economic nation, but use my head instead because I own all these money.” He took the coin and admired with impressed “hmm...”, “Interesting…”. Then say, “Fine, let me keep this coin and I will make this flag design for you. “Good, but I am not finish with the design it!” I warned him. Ha, he thought my design would be simple, and my nation is not complex and deep. “I want my hair to be stormy like the thunderstorm god all flowy and cool.” All I can tell from his face is raised eyebrow, but without any complaint. So I continues. “Actually, a majestic bird would be good on my flag. Yes, make my body the grandest bird and-and AH, make it like those two head facing left and right on a bill, yes, maybe a two headed bird of my heads! Wait, have that bird wear something grand, like crowns and orb. The orb should say Trump or Trump Nation while each of its claw holds a-a-clump of money and another with diamond—diamond—Diamond Spear! The dwarf went silent again. Then he stares at the coin back and forth a couple times, seem to be internally thinking about my excellent design and how worth it the coin is for the simple job. Finally, he answers. “Sure.”
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Mar 15, 2018 21:56
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Nyaa posted:“I want my hair to be stormy like the thunderstorm god all flowy and cool.” That's not the Stormy I had in mind. 
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Mar 15, 2018 23:15
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CourValant posted:That's not the Stormy I had in mind. Please elaborate
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Mar 15, 2018 23:46
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Nyaa posted:Please elaborate Nevermind; I yield back to the floor.
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Mar 15, 2018 23:55
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 "Beautiful." I commented at the AMAZING flag of my nation carved into a stonewall of my castle. The Dwarf was saying something, but I don't care. At this moment, I need more people to UNDERSTAND this art. This Masterpiece. So I shout over him to make sure he listen. "THIS IS MARVELOUS." I attracted the Dwarf's attention by praising my flag. He were going to say thanks, but we have no time for that!  "STARTING FROM THE TOP! THE STARS OF MY OLD FLAG ARE CONCENTRATED IN THE HOLE OF THE SKY, SYMBOLIZING MY HOMEWORLD, AMERICA, IS WATCHING MY GLORY IN THIS NEW LAND!"  "I AM A BIRB! I AM A loving MAJESTIC EAGLE!" "Actually-" The drawrf tried to interrupt me, but I won't let him! "AS I WAS SAYING, A MAJESTIC. loving. EAGLE." I feel my hand on the prideful wing that will bring me back home on the sky. "MY HEAD IS TOO SMART TO BE ONE! EVEN THE COIN CAN'T CONTAIN MY MAGNIFICENT! ALL OTHER PITIFUL PRESIDENTS OF THE PAST ONLY GOT ONE HEAD, BUT I. GOT. TWO." I nods happily at the truthful representation of my-my-INTELLECT, NO, my CHARISMA shining to the world! "MY HEADS SHINING MY CHRISTMAS TO THE WORLD!" I repeated to the dwarf whom must be studying the iconic value that he himself missed.  "THIS MANLY CHEST TO SHOULDER THE WORLD! I GOT TWO. MEDALS." Tears almost flowed out of my manly tearduct for the beauty that rivals the most expensive art of the world! "Trump Nation." I read to myself. The beautiful words that will cover the world. The world will know of Trump Nation. "The tails on the bottom represent my amazing sexual dick that can go many, many time."   I look to the left. "I got money." I look to the right. "I got diamond on a diamond-stick." I look at the whole Greatest Flag. "This is Trump Nation." I tip the dwarf another dollar.
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Mar 21, 2018 23:43
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lol amazing sexual dick
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Mar 21, 2018 23:48
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 Glorious.
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Mar 22, 2018 03:47
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Someone please alert Chuck Tingle that the cover art for his new book is ready
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Mar 22, 2018 04:59
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