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After a brief contemplation of what transpired last night in your dream, you are ---------------  President Trump! The Greatest President in history of mankind! Please suck my toe! *Deep brawly voice* Well, if you insist, Jesus, I suppose I… OH NO! MEXICAN DEMON! *Rip off clothes revealing bulging muscles* I got this. I send you a priest! DON’T NEED IT! *PURGE EVIL WITH RAW AWESOME FIST OF JUSTICE* My heroooooo! Now suck MY double portrait-sized toe, Jesus! It.Ain’t.Gonna.Suck.It.Self!*Omitted dream sequence* ------------  You point your finger straight at the priest with a name too long to be a secret Japanese! The angry stare you showering at him is not expected by most people in the room, indeed, the priest is getting too much attention for an exorcism that YOU DID ALL THE WORK! HOW DARE HE! “YOU idiotic fool!” You shouted your alpha male roaring warning befitting of a The long name priest that even the Akratic Record of God would not bother checking the backlog to look up its insignificant name is bewildered by your claim that you did it yourself! “A-are you sure?” He asked nervously, but you can tell he is trying to protest against your claim, but you will not let him have the chance! “Yes, and You.Are.Fired!” Your finger cannot get firmer and muscle tightened that humanly possible when you make your statement. The room is agape in wide-mouthed awe of your awesomeness. However, instead of what you expected, the priest’s lip slowly turning into an wide smile and he response, “I-I see, Mr. President! My apology for your issue and may you find a better priest in my stead!” He grab your finger by the point and shake it eagerly as he continues. “May god have mercy-I mean blessing on you.” Then he leaves. Possible his final two hours trip back to… Idaho? “MY JOB IS DONE!” You can heard him scream with excitement from the hall. You were slightly surprised by the unusual respond, but quickly come to the conclusion that Jesus got your toe on this and it is all good. Regaining the commanding authority of the now scattered group of these unfaithful ingrates who forgotten who’s the REAL leader is, you turns to them not with anger, but KINDNESS! “You heard the priest, men! Jesus helped me with my self-exorcism against Hilary’s demon!” The conservatives members whom raised by the ‘Big Book of B’ are swift to accept what they seen. The room instantly become a party-like atmospheres where you are promptly dressed in your best and getting questioned by last night battle against demon and what not. This is good; you are feeling great about this. Today is going to be a good day. You can feel it in your toe. There are several good-non-fake questions that you should address: 1) Who should be your next go-to-priest? Write-in your come-to-priest. 2) People wants more detail about Hillary Black Magic, anything to say or reveal about that? Sean Spicer has been bombarded by questions that he can’t answers. 3) The Republican are inquiring your position in this crisis. Many of them in this room believe you are chosen by god 4) The head of NASA did came over brief on you about the progress. He seems very unhappy with passive aggressive tone that basically boils down to: “Wahhhh~ We may be Rocket Scientist, but that doesn’t mean we can be randomly relocated to study different field of… Witchcraft Science! Wahhh~ You cut our funding! So we don’t wanna help with SO LITTLE nerdy TINY TINY group we have now! Wahhh!” Write-in thought/plan/response/etcs. God drat, people keep coming in. You are getting hungry! ONE MORE QUESTION! 5) CIA official informs you that more foreign leaders has disappeared overnight, but mostly from major country. Those who remained in this world have claim they consumed alcohol or a known alcoholic. Some ex-leaders or presidential candidates of the great countries are also included in the disappearance. So far, they can also assume the link of the disappearance are tied to leader and leader candidates from world power nation. “That’s good and all, but what’s you question?” You asked the CIA agent. “Pardon, Mr. President?” The agent is confused by your question. “Your question, boy. Question.” You clears his confusion with an annoyed fatherly stern superior tone. “Everyone come to me for question.” “I… I have none, Mr-“ He paused at your finger gesture. As an agent of the Central Intelligence Agency, he knows this posture of your is the “You are fire” pose, so he asked a question immediately. “Um, uh, what do you like for breakfast today, Mr. President?” Good question. A real good and relevant question. Finally, someone who actually care about your well-being! This guy should be promoted! To be your Secret Service guy! You pats on his shoulder and say. “You are Hired. I want-“ Write-in Breakfast. After that, you will pay family kids a visit. By that, you mean you will pay (with taxpayer money) for them to come to the White House. You are a busy man after all. WAIT! NO. You have a better idea! A WONDERFUL FAMILY MAN IDEA! You. Are. Going. To have breakfast with your family! And they are going eat what you eat of course.
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Apr 25, 2017 02:27
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Many, many conversations was had this morning. All before breakfast, which means you can hardly pay attentions to what they are saying. If you have to put all of these in a bullet point style on the paper, it would be a mess of like five paragraph with some underlines to help you focus on the main point. That’s how your brain is sorting through it all and it is a mess. The only thing that kept you going through all these awful conversation all these years are these little praising of you in between the blah-blah-blah. You are only going through with this because people LOVES you, and you will do whatever to make people love you while your (rich) friend also loves you. Anyway, you aren’t listening to question six… or eight at this point. Some of them sounds like national emergency, but TOO EARLY, MAN, TOO EARLY. You excuse yourself for breakfast and have the new secret service guy you just hired to follow you to take down your orders. It took another finger pointing for him to realize that he have no choice in the matter: He.Is.Hired. As you two walking down the hallway, you ask your new hire a question. “Here’s a test for you, recruit. As your new boss, I need to make sure you have good memory because everything will go fast! So fast that you gonna forget stuff. Important Stuff. So here is a test. You ready?” The ex(?)-CIA Agent, your new hire, seem fazed by your sudden demand. “Ye…. S?” He answered reluctantly. There’s plenty of thing this newbie will have to learn to become your personal trusted aide, but he got the heart and that is rare in Washington. “I want you…” You say slowly and mentor-ly to this little man that is taller than you, but not position wise, no, you are much more experienced in the world of business and Washington. Anyhow, the test question: “What did I say about my plan for today?” You can see the gears inside this little man’s head going on full throttle to recall all the mess of conversation that has occurred. His blank stares shows he is all the way inside his mind digging for information like a proficient CIA agent. Finally, he For your replacement priest, you were asking for someone cool like Jared Kushner, your senior advisor and son-in-law. He can’t be your priest because that would be awkward and gives him the wrong idea of who is in charge. In fact, you should call him to help you deal with all these craps instead.You also don’t mind a female priest because you are pro-gender equality and your request has been sent to the Vatican Priest Depot or whatever they call it there, to send you the candidates. Preferably also in some sort of show business. Ask for more information in regards to Hillary’s Black Magic, you refuse to reveal any more facts, not even to the FBI or CIA because now is not the time and to keep the enemies guessing. You do tell Sean Spicer to reinforce the facts to the fake news that Hillary did use witchcraft on you, possibly with Obama. Next, you address the Republican Party with non-committal answer of what’s going on, but to trust you completely… And vague message about Jesus Painting on the Mexican Wall you are going to build. Then, the head of NASA came to report of their lack of manpower to conduct a proper reallocation of staff member toward exotic research. You umm… Say a few rude things about their collage status and tell him to draw up something for the dream issue by the end of this week. You and your party might considers giving them the funding they need. He is very enthusiastic at the proposal and promise to have something ready soon. Next, you- “Ok, stop. I have enough of your answer. They are good. That’s all I needed. I don’t need to hear the rest.” You rumbling on a bit more until your stomach rumbled. You are at your limit of hunger. No more work. You have enough sweet words as it is, and only salt, sugar, and crispy oil can sate you. When you reached the entrance of your room, you point to one of the secret service agent and say “You are fired.” Then point to the new guy that will replace him. You let those two sort things out as you walk back into your room. The thought of taking a bath crossed your mind, but you technically already taken a holy bath the whole night, so you will settle with breakfast instead. You wait.  And wait.  Time goes by so slow when you are waiting.  Ten minutes of waiting is too much! You dial the hotline to demand for your food, but the chef reply that the food is already in the dining hall. What? Why would you-Oh fiddlestick on a Chinese man bumphole! --------------- You walk into the dining hall where the big long decorative table filled with food and your family patiently waiting for the past 20 minutes on your late arrival. That will show them who’s the daddy. You are “Good morning, father.”Your son-in-law and daughter greets you simultaneously with trained-etiquette golden smile. Good. “What a wonderful morning dear!” Your excited wife who you haven’t met for a the last two week because of your ‘Russian Diplomacy’ is glad to meet you with a sunshine smile. Good. You whisper into her ears, “You have too much makeup.” And her smiles shrinks to nothingness. Good. That really improves your appetite. Normally, there would be some casual conversation during the meal, but you are starving after the whole night with Jesus. Moreover, Sausage, Hash Brown, Coffee, Oranges, Bacon, Italian Sausage, Chicken Waflles, Biscuit with gravy. Hmmmmm, you just don’t have time to use your mouth for talking, and your hand is too busy pouring ketchup on pancakes or using the folk for biscuit. 1) Anything you want to talk to your family? Write-in 2) What else do you plan to do today? You might fall asleep if you gone on too long without any activity! You won’t like it, but if there’s really nothing else to do, you suppose you could go golfing again… Sigh. … Or… … Maybe…You would like to… 3) Automate for the rest of the week? Y/N Nyaa fucked around with this message at 01:11 on Apr 27, 2017 |
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Apr 27, 2017 01:09
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As you ketchup soaked waffle slide its way down your throat towards a system of clogging arteries, you decided to ask the opinion of your fifth son, Barron Trump, about what the nerds are really up to at school. The eleven years old boy stares back with innocent eyes that haven’t witness the darkness of humanity replies, “Everyone in school are NERDS!” His tone mimics your usual speech pattern of emphasizing the important word. You are very proud of this son, so you give his perfectly combed hair a pat with your greasy hand. You told reveal to him that daddy is fighting off Hillary’s witchcraft and NASA NERDS are going to make cool things for daddy to take down the dream, once and for all! “Good!” Your son cheered. “I don’t want desert dream no more!” Next, you ask Jared about the assignment you gave him. He looks around before whispering to remind you that you two can’t discuss personal financed publicly before leaning back to his seat. He says, “Everything is going smoothly despite the… international issue, but it could be profitable to take advantage of the chaos.” You point your “You are fire” finger at Ivanka, and ask “who’s your daddy?” She replies with a static smile. “You are, daddy.” Good. You glop down the Dr. Papper to help your throat push down that stubborn bacon that kindly refused to murder your heart with kindness, but you insist, and flushed it into the deep chasm of your belly, never to be seen again. Forever. You should ask something of Melania too, but the thought of the people that you slept with might be a Chinese Plant has been bothering you a lot. You have to make sure. “Melania.” You called to her attention and interrupting her while she is taking care of spilling food on Barron’s mouth. “Yes, dear?” She looks up to you obediently while the napkin continues its circular motion on the child’s face, spreading grease and oil to more surface area and making his face more orange. Leaning closer with both your arm forming a triangle situated under your jaw, you probed your wife for her heritage with great espionage and stealth behind your words. “Are you a Chinese Plant?” Her smile slowly faint into her confused stare. “Chinese… Plant? Like a flower?” She’s good. Ohh- she is good. If she is a plant that is. Otherwise, she is SHAMEFULLY DUMB. “Forget it!” You gave up on interrogating her for now. She is too wised up by your suspicion. You will have to make another attempt when she is more off her guard… Maybe when she is naked… Or using Chinese products. Trying to change the topic, you turns back to your family and relieve everyone with an ending speech. “Everyone work harder. Go out there and make the 6pm news. That is all.” You order a third plate of sausages as your family gradually excuse themselves to their important family business. drat you are hungry. The forth plate of overcooked double sunnyside up egg is served just in time for you to suck its York essence from the chicken. SUSTENANCE! Jared is right, you could take advantage of this global leader missing epidemic… By invading Canada now! But you need a cause to convince the senate to agree with you, and there’s not enough Muslim, Mexican, or terrorist to warrant an assault. Those Canadian bastard are too complacent with their cold climate to do anything news worthy either! drat it! People loves their beaver, but only American loves their Eagle! These goddamn Canadian even have free healthcare! How is that even possible!? Where did they get the money to fund that!? It must be their softwood import ruining our cow milk industry! An invasion might reveal their maple secret to the world, but you need a CAUSE!  The people need a reason to invade Canada, what should it be? Write-in ------------- Next in your agenda as you considered it over the sixth plate of waffles soaked with gravy: Drop another MOAB on Kardashian – No, not Kim Kardashian, afghan kardanistan whatever their name is call. The world need to know you have the biggest bomb in the world and isn’t afraid to drop it! A powerful message to the newer leaders of the world to not get in your way or step on your Jesus Sucked Toe. This one is actually doable thanks to people believing wherever you bomb have ISIS in it, so they will be ok no matter how many innocent third-world country lives are wasted, nor the 11 million dollar that each bomb cost. You are protecting your country, dammit! Some sacrifice has to be make for your international status. Yess… Which middle eastern country are you bombing next? Write-in or you actually want to bomb Kim Kardashian?
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Apr 28, 2017 02:25
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It is decided. You will invade and bomb someone today. Or tomorrow, whichever is faster. But you don’t know who to invade or bomb, so you call over your National Security Advisor to the Oval Office while you continues your dessert plate of orange cake.  “McMaster reporting for duty, Mr. President.” Your NSA walks into your room professionally with a military salute to his commander in chief. You smiles gladly that this man is doing a fine job so far. He is the replacement of Michael T. Flynn after a scandal forcing him to resign and no other military official want to take the job, so you have to force McMaster to take the role with his military career at stake to make it happen. The military have too much coward, but at least you manage to get someone adequate. You look him in the eyes while hunching up your shoulders on the desk. This is your posture for presenting a plan. “Listen, McMaster.” Boy, you loves his name. Mc. Master. Like, McDonald, except, Master. What a great name. “I have decided.” You wait a bit to observe the usual deep gulp of saliva that your advisor usually do, but McMaster didn’t show any worry or fear. He only stares back like a patient lion waiting for the moment to strike out. This man is good. A national treasure.  *This tweet will be deleted by a staff member later for autocorrect reason* It’s good that you are his boss, but he sure like to play hard-to-get. “I. Am. Planning.” Your palms moves the hypnotically cube up and down as you lay out of thoughts. “To take advantage of the world crisis, to invade Canada and bomb Kardashitan.” The general shown a moment of shock, but he face quickly reverted to its usual professionalism. “Mr. President, the world—“ He paused a moment to consider his choice of words. “We already at war with ISIS and Afghanistan.” “So?” You ask the obvious question. He paused a moment like he is thinking up an explanation for the recruit. “It would be unpopular with the people and Canada is our ally.” “No it won’t!” You refuted. “Have the CIA plant illegal drugs and terroristic items or claim they are human trafficking with Genova gas or their softwood is stealing our job!” You continues pouring out various incriminating reason to invade Canada while McMaster stood by silently to listen to your wisdom. He is probably forming such plans for you at this moment abet your demand. He is the loyal type after all. “Mr. President.” He spokes after you are done and too tried to continue. “I believe the dream epidemic is a more important situation to deal with before we take on more responsibility.” OH NO, you don’t want more responsibility! Why didn't you thought of that!? “As for bombing…” He considered a few moment and says, “I suppose we could drop another MoAB in Afghanistan on a... suspected terrorist camp in the middle of nowhere where civilian are out of harm's way... But maybe you would rather bomb someone’s career in the Hollywood industry instead?” Ohhh, you like the sound of that! You hated Schwarzenegger for his awfully long name and that guy or is it woman that do horribly in The Apprentice! McMaster continues after seeing you nodding to his suggestion. “I can’t help you on this as a military general. If there is nothing else, then I would like to return to duty, Mr. President.” 1) Choose any of the following: A) You still want to invade Canada. Find another advisor who will agree with you! B) Drop the MoAB. C) Get the NSA to dig up tarnishing info to destroy Schwarzenegger! D) Get the NSA to dig up tarnishing info to destroy Kim Kardashian! E) Send some James Bonds to plant incriminating evident in Canada! F) Sing a song about O’Canada. G) Write-in After McMaster’s departure. Your phone rings. As usual, you wait for five rings before answering to show the person that you are a very, very, busy man. “Mr. President.” Your secretary’s voice over the phone. “Vladimir Sucha of the Joint Research Centre would like to speak with you.” “Who the hell is that?” You demanded to know the prestige of the unknown caller. “He is…” Your secretary paused to explain in easily understood wording in short sentence. “The NASA of EU.” “Hook him in.” You ordered, and your secretary does so.  : Greetings, Mr. Trump! I am happy to finally reach you! What a great privilege to be able to speak to the President of the United State of America! : I can tell we will get along well, Mr. Vlad. What do you want?: Ah, yes… The reason I call is to ask for the United State’s cooperation with the EU to have a joint global research on this global phenomenon.: How exactly do you want me to do that? What do I gain from this?: Oh, uhh… We will pool our manpower into researching this issue together and figure things out faster together! : I know that, but what else do I personally gain?: …: Hello?: Uh…Umm, Mr. Trump, you will… Um… Be the first to notify of any new discovery?: … I will consider your proposal, Mr. Vlad.As soon as you finished with the last call, another ring from your secretary. “Mr. President, the Vice President, now-president of the People’s Republic of China is calling.” “SEND HIM OVER!” You scream at your useless secretary for putting such an important economic trading partner on hold! What would the Chinese man think of you? DISHONARBLE!  : This is Li YuanChoa speaking.: Hello, great friend of mine! How is my estate property doing in your care?: There is still in safe hand, my pengyo. You guijing is always thinking about money even at time of crisis. : Yes, of course! Money makes the world run! : Indeed. Having a shares of the massive mountain of fortune in China will set you rich for life. Don’t ever forget that.: Never sir! You and Putin are my real economic partners! : Good, but since Putin gone and his country is not democratic like us where I get to replace Xi, I will be in charge now, you hear?: Yes, of course! : You are a very good boy. I always like that in you. The world don’t need to see your piss tape.: NO! They won’t!: Now, the second reason I call is because I am very concern about this dream problem. You see, I am China’s new leader now, and I don’t want to disappear. : Same here!: So I want you to send your best researcher over for a joint AmeriChina effort to find out what’s going on. : Oh, I just have the same proposal from EU about-: Yes, I know. Our tapper informed me, which is why I called. Look, China and American is Big Nation, Very big nation.: Yes, we are!: And Europe is just a messy bunch of tiny, tiny little nations grouping together. : Yes, they are!: With our combine researching effort, we can outpace the EU and figure out what is going on. Not only will both our big, big nation looks good against all these ants, but we might be able to control this dream! Imagine the possibility! It's like owning the nuclear bomb again! Soon, the world will have no choice but to join as one communistic heaven! One nation, under god indeed!2) Your respond… A) Accept China. Send NASA and other nerds to them. B) Accept China, but they will be working in America! C) Accept EU. Send NASA and other nerds to them. Piss tape be damned! D) Accept EU, but they will be working in America! Piss tape be damned! E) Reject both, and your own NASA nerds will figure it out before both of them! Piss tape be damned! F) Accept both, split your stuff to both in secret. G) Write-in
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Apr 29, 2017 02:03
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https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/858100088253669376 But China president is great! He is the BEST! Do we have the heart to screw him hard!? He have been protecting our pisstape! What a close friend! *actual tweet
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Apr 30, 2017 14:58
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: That’s a great idea! But… But?: I think you should send your scientist here because, well, you know, our equipment are STARE OF THE ART, top expensive premium quality made in America. Hmm, you might have a point, but…: But? Our law here would be more… ‘Efficient’ for personal contribution and more… ‘Flexible’ for human experiment.: Oh, exactly right, Mr. President! That’s why American can’t work over here! They would bitch and complain about Every. Single. Thing. It would make China look bad because these slackers got too used to the luxury lab space and high tech equipment with standard eight-hour work time at adult age! Hmm, you make a good point there! I see your businessman sense haven’t rusted.: Always sharp! Like a Katana! Yet your cultural knowledge remain terrible… Very well, I will have the man be there in… Two days.: Yes! Together we will make China Great Again! Yes, under my direction! The imperial China will have its greatest Emperor in history! : Hail- (Can’t remember name) the emperor! Hahaha, Jai Jen. *click* You slam the antique desk phone of historic value down so hard that the crack and damage ruined half its estimated price. Then your oil soaked saliva spray rapidly at it through your vile insults and angry shouting at the long ended caller. Oh, you will work with his scientist alright! But they will be YOUR scientist soon!And you will take the EU science too! Then you will be the one to take over the world!Pisstape be damned!  In your great moment of presidential rage, the surging blood briefly revitalized your aging to make you sharp as a cat. Your momentary clarity of mind stopped you from immediately calling the EU because the phone is tapped by China, so you need to reply to them through another source. Some way that is not monitored by China so that you can accept the EU science team to come over for your Master Plan! Oh yes, there will be a wall between these scientist! In adjacent lab! But how? A) Anonymous email B) Through a trusted person (write-in name) email C) Through a trusted person (write-in name) EU visit D) Personal EU visit E) Tell China you will accept EU and send them to a lab that will hinder their research progress F) Write-in Next, you immediately summon the head of NASA again into your office for a quick briefing. The man reintroduce himself as Bolden, the first African American appointed by Obama. No wonder he is so disrespectful to you! Bolden indeed! No matter, he is much nicer to you now that you are considering pumping UNLIMITED money into the research project. He told you the team has come up with many theory and ideas, but they would need access to state of the art mental facility equipment and full suppose of resources in order to get the result as soon as possible. Yes, yes, you say yes to everything he needs. In fact, other top scientist from other nation is coming to join the team effort! Bolden is thrilled by the sudden influx of funding and manpower for the opportunity to research an unknown global phenomenon! However, you have a few conditions of how you want the labs to work out: First, you want two labs separate by a wall in case one got burned down, BUT, the wall can be lowered down mechanically in case we need a bigger room. Bolden sees this as reasonable concern and told you he can handle minor things like this. NO, you want it be done this way. He wonder to ask why, but relent to your whims. Second, you own the remote control to that wall. There was a brief pause before Bolden reply “Sure, no problem.” Lastly, get the lab ready in one and a half day. Bolden eyes went wide at the deadline. His mind racing with calculation and estimation of how much can be built in one and a half day. “Starting tomorrow?” He asked. “Starting after you leave this room.” You replied. He sweats a lot as his brain went into overdrive to figure out if this is even possible. Finally, he suggested building a new lab on top of an existing lab is possible, but the second lab definitely need about three days. You stares him very hard for a long moment that makes your prey super uncomfortable. Finally, he said he could push it in two days if the resource is available along with overtime and lots of coffee. You accepts like a master dealmaker.  Now. Something else to appease your anger. What better way to relieves your stress than watching the fall of your mortal enemy, Arnold szeszeszesbnager. Devil bless his name. Currently at his primal age of 69. Yah. This very man who ruined your famous The Celebrity Apprentice show with his “you’re terminated” and “get to the choppa” crappy lines as the Show Host will pay! He shall face the shame of shaming my show with his terrible accent and low rating that even the people hated it! SAD! drat, now your are angrier! Your mind become even witty with more blood to combat your plausible dementia-like symptom that people said you might have due to old age! Bullshit! You are young and smart! Yes, your active imagination have formed an insane revenge ploy that will burial this robot man to the German Mud that he born from! You dial the speed dial button that say CIA directly to the director’s persona cellphone. He answered your query in regard to kidnap and arrest Arnold Shiiiitnager. “Uhmm, Mr. President…” He sounds reluctant. Is he going to refuse the president request!? “The CIA doesn’t handle domestic issue and doesn’t have the power to do anything… Both legal and illegal. You should call the FBI instead?OrSecret Service? I-I will delete this whole conversation to save ourselves future headache.” You told him you was testing him. “Sure, you are.” He ended the call. The thought of calling the FBI or Secret Service next has crossed your embolden mind, you are like a child who fears no one after receiving power from God, but you haven’t received the power yet. You have to restraint yourself on anything too illegal like kidnaping, which is why you will leave this to the shadowy hand of the underworld. You dialed a special number, a gift from Putin for when you really want something done. His personally ‘Soviet Secret Service’. “This is the SSS.” A deep Russian voice rumbles through the phone as if the man who spoke this sentence is steroid jacked with only Vodka with him in a middle of nowhere Snow Mountain.Static-like noise accompany the background no because the person is in a remote area, but due to anti-tracking jammer running at full blast. You wish you could talk to EU scientist through this, but alas, you only given one wish for this. You leave the secret code words that sounds innocent, and not incriminating if it ever get traced: “Kid likes napping with the muscular robot get dressed in his favorite robot costume. Robot learns Kardashin and Kayak or whatever are bad for kids. Then it droneaway itself. Just like in the movie.” The deep voice responds. “You called at the worst possible time, ‘kid. But your pizza will be delivered.” The slam the phone down so hard that you briefly heard noise of the phone breaking apart before it went dead. Good. What next, comrade? Write-in or timeskip two or three days.
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May 2, 2017 23:58
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I lurk the trump thread, which i base everything on what tweet posted there. TWEET FACTS!Ballz posted:Oh hey, speaking of Melania! Nyaa fucked around with this message at 13:56 on May 3, 2017 |
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May 3, 2017 13:28
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Many plans came up in your mind, but your rapidly fading blood pressure is draining your focus and you are crushing from the backslash of the adrenaline. The buildup of oily food also making you extremely sleepy, but you can’t sleep. You might get kidnapped if you fall asleep. You thought about doing some excises -HA HA HA – just kidding, there’s no way you are ever going to perform manual labor, you are simply too fit to need such excruciating exertion! Except golf, you have to do it for the sake of nation’s internal relation! But you would prefer to let Mike Keiser drown in your victory for a few more days before crushing him again with another career ending gamble. All you can do now is watch television. Hopefully the news about Arnold shhhger, hmm, Arnold Sugar, yes, that’s good, the girly named Arnold Sugar to get kidnapped and make Kim kadashian cry in public television as you ordered! HA- ha, you never was one for manically laughter, and you are pretty sure that is some dumb fiction thing to waste viewer’s time like a writer trying to get more pay by dragging on a long rear end paragraph quota without a goddamn single comma that will make any poor readers who prefer to read it out loud to suffer terribly. Sad. Oh, your mind went pass some mental wall for a moment there because it has been ONE DAY since you watched the TV for news of Arnold, and boy was it disappointing. Arnold Sugar and Kim has disappeared in their sleep as reported by all news. Sparking some worries that the dream is claiming the superstars next. In other news, at least the fake news are talking about the validly of black magic now and your approval rating is up with the disappearance of Hiliary with this desert dream business. Of course, what you said are FACTS. You just know and there’s plenty of evidence for it. Your spent the time in between to convince BOTH the Republican and Democrat to pass a massive funding to research this dream business by your plan. It was unanimously easy considering everyone’s own life is at stake. O’ if only those Democrat would all broke down from a flu, then they will pass your party’s health care act for sure! Too bad, everyone want to focus on this dream issue and whether it count as a physical or mental disease that will be cover under Obamacare. Psst. It won’t. You also thought about sending Jared to get in contact with the EU guy, but since you are utterly bored, you set up a dinner party with Dim Sum, American Burger, & Jagerschnitzel Lunch. You pick the one who likes it SECOND BEST, and still loves the burg for your own unassailable reasoning. Turns out, many people like foreign food more than burgers. How Un-American. In fact, no one touched the burger except the new Secret Agent guy you hired who was grabbing it for a quick bite on his off shift. Good enough, he will do. You like him anyway. What’s his name again? Day Two morning have arrived. You took a warm shower in the morning to wake yourself up and hoping the hangover from the last two nights of alcohol would go away. You really should start taking those hangover drugs… And your other drugs that you are addicted to. The supplies are running low and you don’t have a good reason to fly to Russia now. You quit it anytime anyway. No problem. Nothing new in the TV about Arnold Sugar and Kim. How sad. You call the Russian Wish Granter again to verify the progress. “It is done.” The deep Russian Voice said. “Done?” You asked. “Yes. We used the special gift that Mr. Putin left for you in case you used that code.” Noise of distant gunfire can be hear from the background behind the deep Russian Voice. You recall Putin taught you a second secret code word that you could had used to “join in on the game” as he called it. It seems the Russian handled seen fit to spend it on Arnold Sugar and Kim to fulfil your request. “When can I see it happen?” You asked. The Russian chuckles hoarsely and says, “Only if you dare to sleep forever.” Then the line went dead. Forever. Well that wasn’t ominous at all. The Russian guy didn’t scare you, no it doesn’t. In retrospect you probably should had asked for the destruction of the piss tape. Oh well, you don’t need it anyway since today is the opening day of your DREAM LAB. What? The Chinese scientists will be a day late due to Chinese Airplane defects? drat, you did not see that coming, at all! No matter, you can watch tv for another day and the EU scientist will also arrive tomorrow in secret at a different airport. They believe the secrecy is for their own safety against witchcraft, ha! You made sure they arrive at different airport and the new hired guy will be herding them into your precious new lab soooooon. In the meantime, the lab is ready, but empty. There not much to do but to wait. 1) Do you want to sleep without alcohol tonight to check out the dream? A) Yes B) No C) Write-in 2) Anything else you want to do or other preventive measure you could think of? Write-in Nyaa fucked around with this message at 18:08 on May 3, 2017 |
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May 3, 2017 18:05
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One Day Ago… Blindfolded and gaged with Potato, Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t sure why he was kidnapped inside a van at this moment, but he know this is too kinky to be a surprise for his ripe ages of 69 primal form. The surprisingly equal heighted Russian man with thick beard wrestled him for a whole hour in a dark corner of the street. Arnold was finally taken down from the surprise-needle-administration of the assailant from an hour ago. He would have defeated his kidnapper if they didn’t resolved to cheap trick such as drug that’s clearly for intended for downing an elephant. COWARDS! The worst thing about this is that the kidnapper clearly is mocking him! Every time he chew off those unusually large and cold potatoes, another one get stuff into his mouth. Your anger would be enough to break you free from the rope, but you are in cold chains. Did they get everything from a refrigerator? No matter, you will keep chewing off the potato until the jailer ran out! They will only makes you stronger each moment with every bite! Your “Body is like breakfast, lunch, and Dinner. [You] don’t think about it, [you] just have it”. For you, “life is continuously being hungry. The meaning of life is not simply to exist, to survive, but to move ahead, to go up, to achieve, to CONQUER!” Regardless of the mistreatment, your mind races through the potential list of enemies that could be executing this crude revenge! Yet, being a retired politician means you will have a large pool of enemy and even invisible one that you never met. It could be anyone from anywhere for disagreeing with your LGBT, pro-choice support, or even from accepting frivolous amount of special interest donation. You are sure this have nothing to do your wife because Every. Women. Are. Very. Satisfy. With. You. The truck grind to a halt at that thought. Not you, you will keep going forever if needed to succeed! You struggle even hard now and your captive wrestle you down despite you being fully cladded in chains. You make sure to swing wildly in hope that the restrainer would get bump into some wall and hurt himself. “If it bleeds, we can kill it.” Your enemy is strong. You know. Because he also have plenty of muscles. Cold, hard, muscle. The kind that can crush a brick with a grip like yours. Another man open up the back door and joined the man to carry you out of the van like a mummy wrapped in chains. You managed to finish chewing the potato and screams out your thoughts such as: “WHO ARE YOU!?”, “WHERE THE HELL AM I!?”, “RELEASE ME!”, and classics like “I WILL TERMINATE YOU!” The captors only laughs at your taunt. You can at least tell you are inside a building or tunnel that sounds echo back. Maybe even underground. Struggling valiantly the whole way though the transfer, you managed to fall off their hands when you bite on one of the hand struggling to hold on to you, but the chain is still too thick for you to break free and they drag you on the ground instead. The floor is cold. You can feel cement and later some floor tiles after passing some doorways. The destination is close; you can feel it in your skull. The dragging ceased suddenly and you are lifted straight up to be affixed with more chains on some kind of cross or standing post. You don’t know what shape it is, but it is cold enough to be metal. That won’t stop your struggle, in fact, when you feel the chains no your arm is being slowly loosened, you muster enough effort to one-inch punch on the person who is putting his body weight on your arm. Foolish! More people holds your arm more tightly that the chain embeds into your skin that will last for days. A voice finally spoke out with a slow clapping. “Impressive, Mr. Schwarzenegger.” You feel your blind fold removed to reveal a group of tough looking men and their leader staring at you in a metallic dim room. You shouts insults and question at the greying leader who have a scar slicing down his left eyes behind the eyepatch and a typical grandfather Beard. This person is very dangerous, you can tell from your raw animalistic instinct, but your alpha male barking does not cease. The leader continues without answering your questions. “The world could use more man like you.” You agree with him, but fat chance you are serving him! “What do you what!?” You shouted again. Grimace spread across the aging leader’s scarred face, he frowns with disappointment. “It is not what I want, Mr. Schwarzenegger, but what my clients want.” “What did he want?” You demanded with calmed fiery. You can’t stay mad at such an respectable alpha male who continuously showing respect to you. “What he wants…” He paused with a grin while staring at your eyes with intense interest. “Is for you to put up a good show.” “Show?” Flashes of prank shows crossed your mind, but this can’t be legal. Yet, deep down you hoped it is all a prank. Another hands the leader a bottle of Vodka and he took a big swings at it before continuing the conversation. “I would love to say that you will find out soon.” Your throat is very dry from all the potato, and you will drink blood if you have to sate this dehydration. “But…” If you only you can grab onto something, and have a little bit more loose chains on your body. “I will let you go.” You could crush everyone wi- What!? What did he say? The leader of the shocked men repeats again, “I will let you go.” Everyone is looking at each other with confounded look. Your eyes remain focused on the leader with lesser killing intent. What is his game? “I can’t disobey orders, but if you were to be able to say… Slip away from the Chain, beat up my men and escape this place…” He leaves the thought unfinished and placed his vodka on the ground before leaving the room with the orders: “Untie him.” Many of the men begin to chuckle and make punching gesture in front of you as they all leave you with an unfortunate guy who are shoved out to untie you. The progress of unchaining is awfully slow as the cautious man removes one layer of chain at a time expecting you to go wild the moment you are free. True to his expectation, once you arm are free, he is knocked down from your jab that will make the dentist a lot of money. You proceed to unchain and loosen the rest of the chains with your free arm, grab the bottle of vodka and empty it. The emptied bottle will be your only weapon until you get yourself on one of their guns. If you ever managed to get out of here, whoever ordered this will pay dearly for their mistake.
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May 3, 2017 21:11
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May 4, 2017 13:24
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The have so much time when you are staying at the house and waiting for things to happen. It is boring. Your weekly reminder of people about your amazing win in the election done. The fake news will surely twist this negatively to fit their evil liberal objective for sure. https://twitter.com/thackerpd/status/860507802489499648 *Actual Tweet Thankfully, one loyal cable network is always reliable and truthfully report all your good deeds to America - Fox News. It’s even better when they pay you to bad mouth of those fake news so that more people will be made to watch the truth instead.  The chef brought the special concoct that you ordered just in time for your tweeting break. A new drink involving caffeine and alcohol with spicy chocolate to replace the awful strong taste of alcohol that has been causing you headache the past two days. You took a sip. “It could use some ketchup.” You told the chef with a firm stares like food critic reviewer with the power to fire the chef for making horrible drink. God, you wish you get Gordon Ramsey’s job to poo poo talk any chef for the slightest disfavor from your flavorful tongue. Sad. “I would have get a voodoo guy to curse me with insomnia than drinking this tonight.” You wouldn’t do that actually, you like sleeping. But you don’t like alcohol because your brother’s organ failure scarred you. “It shall be done, Mr. President.” The chef’s blank poker face reveals no opinion of your criticism (or argues the fact that ketchup is one of the ingredient); only professional acceptance of what you want and how (much more) you like it. Good. You wave him to leave you to your private sanctum of informative tweetering to educate the masses.  Then you read some fake news to get your blood boil for how wrong they are to fuel your system with more righteous adrenaline to keep you from failing asleep.  You quickly gave up on doing something so harmful to your health. You really need to pass a bill to stop them from posting whatever they want, but people treat the first amendment too highly to ever let you protect them from falsehood. Those foolish liberals! If only they are smart enough to see through the dark veil of the liberal agenda, Obama and Clinton won’t have gotten away!  Speaking of Blacks, Black Magic. You last priest did a terrible, terrible job at protecting you against witchcraft and even got you possessed! If it wasn’t Jesus and you being strong willed, you could had become a liberal for all you know! That’s why you have to take action and have your staffs hang up a bunch of traditional warding item like garlic, silver, crosses, whatever. You will stay in the other room until the smell gets better.  You are bored in the other room, you could use some lovely touch of a Ms. World Pageant right about now, but there is too much risk that it is a Chinese Plant. Just like so many people working for you are moles from Russia and China. They worked hard to help you elected, and they love you with extreme loyalty, but that doesn’t mean you will bang a Chinese mole.Your dick aren’t running a charity. Sigh, time sure flies slowly. You wonders where all these people are right now. ---------------------------------  A few hours ago… Your name is Ivan Terrize, bastard descendant of Ivan the Terrible with your mother’s family name. The mudded royal blood of the famous ruler of Russia, now serving as the loyal ‘wish granting’ division of Putin’s personal army. Your family whole heritage have been raises to die for the ruler. It is your fate of the bastard bloodline to die off in shame or die for the country with pride. You and your ancestor chose the latter. You down the last bottle of vodka. Overdosing with so much alcohol will surely kills your kidney, but you don’t intent to live on without the greatest leader of Russia running this country with an iron fist. Now that your glorious leader is gone, there’s no more reason for you to live except fulfilling the last command of Putin: Grant a wish to President Trump. All your life, you have taken many strange and sickening requests, but this fat American’s dream is so… Mediocre. You were expecting something more intense or even the answer to the dream. Haha, American is too soft and too selfish to care about the real issue. “Sir, the ‘Terminator’ has taken down half of our men.” A soldier phoned in through the radio. You toss the empty bottle of vodka and reach for the speaker. “Good, make sure he came here alive.” “Yes, sir. For the motherland!” The called went dead as the soldier charges to his final resting place. “For the motherland.” You echo the sentiment. The steroid injection is clearly working wonder on the Terminator. Another reasonable person would had choose to ran away to the exit, but the bloodthirsty monster with all rage induced sides effect only cares about revenge and developing the blood thirst for the first time in his life. Arnold Schwarzenegger is truly a natural soldier. It is a shame that we all born in peacetime where nuke solves everything. At least, you will get the chance to fight to death with honor against a real Killing Machine. The phone rings. It’s the American fool again. “HEY! Where’s my Arnold Sugar and Kim!?” “It is done.” You told the ignorant fool who might remain oblivious for weeks to come. “Done?” He questioned. “Yes. We used the special gift that Mr. Putin left for you in case you used that code.” Noise of distant gunfire can be hear from the background as the Terminator approaches. “When can I see it happen?” He asked. You have to chuckle at the idiot who missed the chance to be inside something interesting. Then again, Putin was expecting him to join in late, but at this rate, he might get to stay in this lovely world instead. So you give him a hint. “Only if you dare to sleep forever.” Then you cut the phone line with a knife before you decided to reveal any more to the fool. The steel framed doors kicked open with brute force. The Terminator has come. He clad in the same armored uniform like the one in the movie. Good. You made sure everyone and all the available storage only have that design so that he might wear it when he seeks protection. “I FOUND YOU!” Arnold-no, the Terminator begin firing the machine gun before you even have time to greet him. Of course, you are ready for that as you duck behind your sofa and flip it up to reveal the solid titanium bottom that can stop even grenade. The Terminator doesn’t care and just keep firing until the ammo expires. Maybe you injected a little too much steroid… Or maybe your dealer cut the dose too strong… You did said you want to enrage a lion, figurative speaking. You peak out your head to see what’s going on and a knife almost went through your skull! Backflipping away only gave you a moment of distance before this bersekering rogue machine close the distance with half-killing intent. “WHO SENT YOU!” He shouted his reason for not killing you outright, but the intimidation from the full unloading fire and bloodied visage instead excites you much like during the war. It is good and make you feel alive in this aging body with who knows how many stolen kidney implant. “I will tell you after you beat me!” You grimace at the joy of combat as you pull out the rough dagger that has been with you for decades. It is time to play. “I will start with your leg!” Arnold pulls out a sidearm hidden in the sock. How anti-dramatic, NOT! You high heel kicked the gun away at the fool who thinks you are sitting duck. This isn’t the first time someone tried to pull a gun at you, and your years of combat experience is more than adequate to go against superior strength. The Terminator scream a bestial roar reminding you of the Conan movies. You watches a lot of movie during the downtime of nothing happening. Arnold’s movie is on the top of your list. But, as you dodge the dagger punch of the angry Wildman who can’t mentally stay calm, which gave you plenty of opportunity to throw him to the ground with Krav Maga techniques. His body is really well-build and maintained, you can tell peacetime, or perhaps job requirement forced this man to always remain in such tip-top shape? Hmm? The Terminator isn’t charging anymore. He is now silently staring daggers at you with more cautious movement. Did the drug fading? No, the combat technique awakened his sense to fight smart. He is now actively suppressing his rage, and you know he can’t keep the beast inside for long without some interval of offensive action to calm the inner monster. True to your thought, the Terminator charger at you like a red eyed bull. All you need to do is grab hold of the knife arm and- KUH! You are in the air, your mind racing to replay the scene before the brief whiteout as you float briefly in the air. Then the pain in the chest reminded you: It was a feint with an upper kick that grinds its way up your stomach to the jaw. The content of your stomach is being squeezed out like a bag of juice, but you shut your lung tightly even if some begin to pour out of your nose. You don’t have time to vomit during a fight. Then you feels your leg being grab. Years of combat experience taught you that he is going to spin or slam you into the cold concrete tile. Reacting immediately from your daze, you refocused your eyes just in time to kick him in the head. Cursed. It’s like kicking a refrigerator. But the damage is there to distract the Machine long enough for you to escape his deadly clutch. You landed some distance away on your feet, and rushing to control your breathing to restore orders in your aged system. More painful signal of your body begin to reaches your brain, and you can at least guesstimate the rib has cracked badly. The Terminator only spit out a saliva with some blood in it before marching at you again. “Hasta la vista, baby.” He muttered his catchphrase at the checkmate for the battle. You can only laugh manically at your frail body haunted by disease and age, you keep on laughing and laughing as you ignore the pain that the punches and kicks that is slowly destroying you. Oh, how you wish you were in your prime again. You lay on the ground with blood in your eyes, swelling tears fog up your vision of your terminator. “Tell me.” He demanded his prize of your defeat. Your coughed out a mouthful of blood to clear up your throat. Then you gives him the false answer that he seek. “The person who sent me… It’s Kim Kardashian.” Wish Granted. Nyaa fucked around with this message at 04:13 on May 6, 2017 |
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May 6, 2017 01:06
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May 6, 2017 15:57
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May 7, 2017 13:09
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The cocktail worked, but you still get the awful handover. At least it doesn’t taste like Russian Piss. You know that cold flavor too well. REGARDLESS! Today is the day! The opening of a new lab! Two in fact! Side by side! Like north and south America, except east and west. You know, because you-  Standing on a big glass dome high above both rooms, overseeing two group of scientist using their room without realizing their rival is working right next door! Ha- … You need to think of something for manically laugher for time like this. You don’t really like laughing like a madman, that’s just cartoonish. Sigh, anyway, it is time for the big reveal. You are going to press the button now-  “Why is this button not big and red?” You stares with unsatisfaction at the NASA head guy that you have already forgotten its name. “Th-Sorry, sir. I could have one ready tomorrow.” The NASA head guy submit to your wishes pretty quickly. Good. He know who pay his salary. “Too late. I will make an exception THIS TIME.” You make sure he feels intimidated by your intolerance for failure. Then you thought of something good. “Some a brush and paint it red.” You hand the device back to him. “That’s a good idea!” The Nasa head guy was surprised by the simple solution to the problem. He probably will worship you now for your superior intellect. Alas, your great mind are better use in the world of leadership and politics. You  Fifteen minutes later. It is cruelly done. Good. It is time. To lower the border.    Both group of scientist stopped their work as they stares at the other group in disbelieve and in an unifying moment, all stares up at the glass observation dome high above for your answer. The intercom is on. What is your message to them? A) A speech of unification. Both side to put their pride aside in order to works together to solve this world crisis. B) A speech of competition. Promote rivalry to push their competitive spirit into overdrive for their nation’s pride! Raise wall back up. C) A speech of warden. They are your prisoner and all must work hard to solve this issue before they can go home. D) A speech of surprise and confusion. “SURPRISE!” *leave* E) Write-in.
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May 8, 2017 14:58
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McSpanky posted:B+D: "Welcome to The Fate of Humanity Apprentice!" You can be mad at me, tell me I was born to nerd I was checking science Or you could just freak with me Said it again, let the numbers roll I hear that about you, baby It's back when the city's dream (It's hot, it's hot, it's hot) Don't ever look at me like that It's just in the desert, no It's just in the desert, no Wall down revealing fliming crew.
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May 9, 2017 12:47
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You speak to the speaker with a succulent mouth that softly declares: The moment your mutter the word. Music begins to blast from the background from the lab. The intense kind of music from Who Wants to be a Millionaire is playing to the utter confusion of the smart minds of the world. Two secret service pulls out a comfortable sofa for you to sits and observe the confusion from the glass dome. More confusion when your NASA guy hand you another similar remote label with a big ‘2’. Its button has also been painted red. You lift the remote high enough that all scientist can see it as you slowly, methodically press the red button. Immediately, another wall lowers to reveals:  The American Science Team The background music hits it credenza and at their revelation as you reveal to them the new of your new reality tv show: “Welcome, to THE SCIENTIST!”* The back music abruptly stopped to play the title music: You can be mad at me, tell me I was born to nerd I was checking science Or you could just freak with me Said it again, let the numbers roll I hear that about you, baby It’s back when the city’s dream (it’s hot, it’s hot, it’s hot) Don’t ever look at me like that It’s just in the desert, no It’s just in the desert, no** “CUT!” The director called as ANOTHER WALL lowered to reveals a hidden filming crew. */**Due to legal reason, the president can not have ties to his previous show "The Apprentice", which is the why Trump team can only subtlety use the song titled 'The Apprentice' sang by the band - Gorillaz. They have nothing to do with the Apprentice. ---------------  The Scientist is brought to you by: Dumpling Roll – The softest, biggest, most-damp resistance toilet paper your rear end you will ever felt! It is scented with your favorite dumpling flavor not because it is made in a Chinese food factory, but because it is RECLYCLED Paper towel used for wiping dumpling stain! It is all NATURAL with NO PRESERVATIVE (because we can’t afford preservative.) Now you can take a dump in the dumping roll with the knowledge that you are saving the planet (and child labor)! ---------------- The shows will continue after the commerical break. Nyaa fucked around with this message at 23:46 on May 11, 2017 |
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May 11, 2017 23:42
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Since it is friday, how about a vote for the show host? We probably will be terrible at explaining the rule, so any suggestions for a celebrity to perform the all important non-lazy task? We could still do it ourselves if we must.
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May 12, 2017 13:37
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Kim kadesian would be perfect, but she is missing.
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May 12, 2017 14:53
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May 14, 2017 12:05
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Various thoughts of murdering these people with a push of button fills your mind. Like a cartoon villain, you imagine them being crushed from lowering ceiling, explosion, gunned down, electrocute to death, gas to- WHOA WHOAWHOA, that was a bad thought! Some of these EU science might have JEWISH blood in them! They can be murdered, yes, and you might get a bump in the rating, perhaps, but gassing them with chemical weapon is a career-ending move! It’s GAME OVER! Something that you were told by your republican colleague that it is something that they can’t save you! That was close. Gas and Jew is the worst thing you can possible think to do for your wildly unconventional political career! You simply can’t do something like that until your party say it is ok like it is ok to bomb Muslin country! Anyway, no more random murder thoughts before you accidently do it and close the metaphorical thread that is your political career and possibly living the rest of your existence in a white room. There will be time for murder eventually, you are sure, but for now, you are glad that you have hand over the control of this show to the host that you have prepared. It was a really tough decision. You went through a full list of celebrities including your family as potential candidates. In fact, your family did hosted or cameo in The Apprentices before, so guess who you picked? Wait, why are you asking yourself who you picked? That’s silly. You have chosen-  The last wall opens, this time upward to the not-so-surprise-anymore scientist, and a civilized woman in her well-aged ‘youngties’ appears to the participants as the new host.  She is a respectable woman with an iron-willed permanence of unsastifaction for youngster bullshit. A brilliant haughty woman of glorious invincible demeanor. The greatest projection of majestic pride produced from the greatest savage monarchy amazonal eminency, polished through years of tragic teen life, a gentle yet crafty maiden of the utmost sacred standing. The imperious, the most adored, and the brightest person of your life. Let us welcome.  Mary Anned Macleod Trump*. Your mother. *Actual image  Listen well, mongrels. I am Mary Anned Macleod Trump, mother of the President of the United of America. I.am.your.host. You.are.the.participate.The representative of the China group stood out to demand answers. Their confusion has long been replaced by angry at this theatrical situation they are being put into. The Asian man in his late 60s is being approaches uncomfortably by the iron-clad grip of Mary Trump on his collar. Do. Not. Interrupts me. Little worm. The grip itself was firm enough on his neck to feel pressured, but adjusted enough to not choke him, yet he can feels the powerful presence of this far-famed imperious hold… Quite exquisitely dominating. In his Asian nerdy definition, this old lady have the power level of over 9000. “Yes. Ma’am” The leader submitted into beta obedience. None dares to challenge the alpha. The grip on the collar loosen, a button cut loose from the ultra-sharp and well-polished guillotine nail. The button drops to the ceramic floor, making singular echo of the deadly warning of Mary Trump with each bouncing on the floor. This button could be your head. As I was saying. I am your host of this new reality TV show known as The Scientist. A wonderful name came up by the brilliant mind of my wonderful son. This amazing series will record your futile attempt at understand the will of God message to humanity. All three team will compete with each other, Capitalism-Style, for a chance to own pharmaceutical properties under Trump’s name with a start up fund of –"One Billion loving Dollars." Many heads turns to each other among the groups of scientists with murmur of discussion of the prize. For those sorry fools of you who didn’t studies to become a doctor, let me enlighten you to that fact that in America, owning a unique drug brand means you monopolize the treatment. You can [url=]jack up the price 5555%[/url] and people’s insurance will pay you in the name of intellectual property and cost for ‘further research’. The drug can have a thousand fatal side effects, and people will take it just to live a bit longer. *lick lips* It’s legal robbery with their life at stake! De-licious capitalism.The foreign scientist are very excited by the explanation (less-so at the last part) of the implication to become the riches group of people alive! No wonder the American Team is so down for this show! Everyone wants in. Some skeptic are pressured by their greedy peers to participate, and there’s no complaint in the end. Good. I will explain the rules when they become relevant, but until then, think up some interesting experimentation for the flim crew with your puny monkey brain. Prove to the world you are the best of the best of your nation, and make my son proud.Your mother looks up to your with delightful eyes staring at her angel baby sitting in the glass heaven of greatness. You raise your glass to cheers to everyone’s success. After all, their success is your success. Happy Mother's Day.
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May 16, 2017 00:15
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Outrail posted:
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May 16, 2017 01:35
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Mr. Trump, I am deeply distressed by this ‘surprise’ of yours. Sorry friend! I just have this wonderful, wonderful, idea that I know you will like! So I make it a surprise! As a politician, I don’t like surprises. Nor do I believe anything in a surprise birthday party enjoyed the fake mistreatment that they received for the sake of ‘surprise’. This is going to be great! You are gonna love it! I can promise you that! A reality TV show? Do I looks like I enjoy drama? … Yes? … You got me there. Why else would I become a politician? Haha! Yes! Then you are going to love this! We. Are. Going. To make the EU team look bad, and our team will make bound and leap of progress! Ohhh… I can see that would make the public like us more. I know right!? But how are you going to sabotage the EU team? Every little subtle things, my friend. Such as? I won’t spoil too much, but they aren’t using metric tools. Oh you sly dog! Hahahahaha Ha ha ha ha ha…This is a great idea! I love it! Keep it up and we will ascend to godhood together! Yes! I will do my best! Li YuanChoa out. *Click* “Son.” You mother call to your attention from the temporary placed bed in the middle of your office with lots and lots of pillows to protect the precious frail body of the ancient being. Despite the cryonics sickness that she is suffering from being woke up through her seventeen years of cryonics preservation – a perfected technology hidden by the US government that reserved for only the greatest and richest donor. China and Russia has already been sent a copy of the technology on your behalf of course. Shame for other organization that is still trying to find the solution to revive the death. Fools, you just go to sleep before you die. It would be the only viable way with today’s secret governmental technology. The public of course will be informed that she faked her death and lived a sheltered healthy lifestyle in a mountain that leads to this long health. “I am proud of your achievement, son.” The 105 years old lady told you. “But what do you really plan to do on this show?” Your plan is… A) Let the show run without interference. B) Hinder the EU team as you told the Chinese President. C) Hinder the US team to make other team look good. D) Hinder the China team to make other team look good. E) Hinder the EU and China team to make American Team looks great. F) Hinder the US and China team to make EU Team looks great. G) Hinder the EU and US team to make China Team looks great. H) Hinder all team to make everyone look bad. I) Write-in Nyaa fucked around with this message at 15:17 on May 16, 2017 |
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May 16, 2017 15:08
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It's all real. Nyaa fucked around with this message at 19:58 on May 19, 2017 |
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May 19, 2017 19:56
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The feeling of trying to make a fantasy painting but end up with realisim painting.
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May 20, 2017 12:19
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Three days passed without much upheaval from the government side beside hyping for the incoming greatest science TV show in the world that rival and maybe even surpasses The Apprentice. Other than that, you just don’t have time to work on the government when you are helping to produce the greatest TV show in America. The filming crews follows each team during their planning and building phase to collect materials. Interestingly, Team America have a Mythbuster style of design and build with entertainment to tackle theories; Team China is a more Monster Garage approaches with fancy expensive design to impress and less on the solving problem side; and Team Europe… Generic science in their lab. They doesn’t seem very interested in the offer (They did sign the show contract) and is more focused on dream experiment. You don’t plan to interfere the teams yet, but if Team Europe can’t produce some entertainment, then you will produce some for them! Dramas! Complaint about the lack of metric system! Fake notes for each other! British insult was thrown at each others and their wife, ya’ Pinko! They hate their intentionally awful tea! Ahh, that will be enough for an episode. You need to do something about them before the audiences are tired of British humor.Maybe have a talk with them? Hell, you never watched any European show in your life, and never heard of a good one because they probably all poo poo. Anyhow, at the night of day three, they all have something for the show.  Team America busted three myth: 1) How much alcohol content does it need to block out the dream: It’s varied by person. They just need to be drunk enough to sleep through it. 2) Does the type of alcohol matter: No. 3) Which stage of sleep does the dream begin: Begin in REM stage. Waiting them up at different stages does nothing.  Team China built and imported all kind beds. Feather bed, water bed, magnetic metal bed, a rope to hang someone upside down by the leg, and those Indian metal spike bed. All made in China or by the team. They theorizes the beds or sleeping comfort level might affect the length or experience of the dream while shrilling hard on brands of bed.It’s literally a mattress store in their test chamber with all subject sleeping on it. The flim crew spend its time filming on each bed and get a description about the properties of said bed. The beds does not affect the dream. All participate reported arriving alone in the same desert.  *Official image until further notice. You swear it is temporary. Due to Team Europe’s unpreparedness and set back from minor dramas. They elected the low effort project of inducing participate to sustained sleep with orders to perform a certain task for as long as possible. You didn’t bother telling them your military has done the same thing with no change to the dreamscape on future visit and the sand goes down as deep as desert do. There’s also one tasked with eating the sand in the dream. After testing one mouthful before waking the participate to check if his stomach would contain sand (it doesn’t), they send him back to eat more. of those searing hot dry sand. The participate reported the same feeling and sensation one would feel when you tries to shove a handful of searing hot and dry sand into your mouth. He have to gave up after choking up and tongue swelling with pain. However, he returns without the suffered symptom. Going back to the desert reset his state to when he falls asleep. Any injuries inflicted to the patient while they sleep only show up on the next visit. All these are good science for the show if only the crew can film it! More of their content will be enact with live actor or animation with lots of interviews with the participants. History Channel style. The first episode is expected to air on Friday night in all willing channels with condition of them to air the build-in commercial. It's going to be great, people gonna love it. Amazing impression will be make. The talk of the world. Created by your ingenuity of your brilliant mind. -------------------  NEW VOTING GIMMICKYou are now the audience, post your feedback(s) on the show. It will affect the direction of the show, team's focus, and ultimately, their success! (Or the show's failure if majority hates it) Finally, for once in your whole politically-pointless life, your popular vote will matter! Your awful taste might even dictate what commercial we get! Nyaa fucked around with this message at 00:08 on May 23, 2017 |
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May 23, 2017 00:06
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Outrail posted:I'm going to start a thread on the Something Awful about how stupid this show is and cross post in the Trump thread.
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May 23, 2017 00:25
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SniperWoreConverse posted:how the gently caress'd this old woman get to be host tho? She's older than scoence, and unfit to run this thing Volmarias posted:As an American, I find solace in being creepy. I'm hoping for more of the Kari Byron looking scientist in team USA. A female host!? A host that is female!? Wait... your mother was female... but she is special... still... giving woman the host spot might be too empowering! Are they good at hosting? What if they are Chinese! Oh, but you do have Chinese team... BUT this is your greatest show! Can you afford risking a woman host!? Your mind is troubled. Deeply troubled. What would mother think if you hand a random woman with such spotlight!?
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May 23, 2017 17:30
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May 23, 2017 21:00
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People love the show! They absolutely love it! Even the one who say it’s ‘stupid’ are surely loving it! A stupidly good show! The highest show rating in the world! Almost the whole human population watched it! Those who don’t probably don’t own a TV! It’s a shame for those third-world people, but what you do? Give them money? What’s this? Some people think the show host is a bit too old? Well, she is 105. You thought it would be a great revelation when Steve Bannon brought her to you as you were pondering for a show host! It’s like a message from God! Your mother come alive with secret government technology! After a wonderful reunion with your mother who seem to have forgotten many things, a side effect of cryonic sickness, you appointed her as the host! She wasn’t too prompt to the idea, and she was very mean to the teams! You don’t recall her being that rude, but Bannon said it is cryonic sickness. She will slowly change back to the nice and loving mother that you recognize overtime. “Son, Mr. Bannon is a fine gentleman, make sure you keep him close to you.” Your sickly mother randomly mentions to you on her bed in the middle of your office. “Yes, mother. I think he is a great person.” You nods to your mother wisdom. Your mother continues after a couple moments.“Son, I heard good things about the new Republican bill for a new law to lessen the ethics rule for business and research government funded researches.” She does aunlady like stretches out of boredom. “Make sure you at least sign that when they bring it to your desk.” “Yes, mother.” You reply obediently to your unusually talkative mother. She must be recovering well from the sickness! And so into politics! “Good boy.” She stood up with a slight hunching. “Your mama is going for a walk alone, don’t follow me ya hear?” “Yes, ma… ma?” You reply obediently. You don’t recall your mother ever speak like a hillbilly, so maybe the sickness isn’t completely gone. Oh how you wishes your mother would return to her normal self soon. The bill was sent to you not long after your mother leave. You signs it as your mother suggested. … … Wait a minute… … … Ah, that’s right. You were thinking about the show host issue. People wants a high quality top class host! You thought people would be super surprised by the appearance of what once thought dead! It would seem your mother is simply too nice to have any shock value. Alas, you have the best mother. The kindest. Most regal behavior. Most beautiful (when she was young). Most intellectual and sharp. She is super nice to you and talk about things related to you… … … … Wait a minute… … … … Holy poo poo! Why didn’t you notice it before! You finally realized your mother… A) Would look amazing in Miss World swimwear and that would solve the ‘old’ problem! B) Forgot to say “Love you, dear.” Before she leave! Oh well… C) Is lonely without father! Something must be done! Write-in ------------------------ Saturday. Your normally work free weekend is now being devoted into this show. This is the greatest show, your masterpiece like an artist. You hate the idea of working overtime without pay, but making mother proud would be worth the humongous sacrifice of free time! The Scientist must go on for its second episode!  “Welcome!” You point your finger at the camera. “I am Donald Trump, the temporary host for my mother until she is fully recover from her sickness! I am also the Greatest President of the United State of America with an amazing electoral victory!” “Cut!” The director cut in to let you breath. Phew, what a long intro script! “ACTION!” You continues your perfect performance at the cue. “My election rally is packed full like three football stadium! Some people have to climb on the tree just to see my face this close! You all should be honored to see it in HD on your minimum 70 inches TV where I will determine which of these three science teams will win a Billion Dollar start up fund and one of my pharmaceutical property!” “Cut!” The director cut in to let you breath. Phew, almost done with the intro! “ACTION!” “THIS IS. THE SCIENTIST!” You screamed angrily at the camera. That’s how you hype the audience. They love seeing you yelling. “Cut!” The director ended the intro fliming. “Well done, Mister President!” He praised your excellent performance. You totally deserve the praise. After all, who else can get this right perfectly without messing up at least 38 times? You are so getting those Grammy Awards. Moving on to the labs, the exercise alone forced you to see twice the donut to refill your energy.One chocolate and one ketchup flavored. Sweet.  “Good morning, Mr. President!” The NASA head guy greets you with a wide smile. He is the supervisor, but doesn’t appears on the show. He’s main duty is to report the findings to you. “I must thank you for the opportunity of participate in this fascinating adventure!” But he keep rambling on about how great you are. “At first, I was a little skeptical of what we can do as Aerospace Scientist!” Then he grab your hands and shake it ecstatically. “But then I realized! We at NASA are EXPLORER! Exploring the unknown is what we do!” Your hand is getting soar; at least his hand is getting dirty with chocolate and ketchup. “Thank you, Mr. President! Thank you for making the right decision!” You agree. You are that awesome. There’s no way you can refuse him for increasing the funding after that! Hell, you are really starting to like this guy! You might even fund him out of your own pocket! He must have realized how good the rating are going for the show! The cameraman who follows you gave you a thumbs up signaling he filmed that momentous touching scene. It will either go to some dvd special or show previous showpiece, and maybe lawsuit if necessary. -------------- You wide step into the American Team Lab with your usual attitude of a businessman looking for the latest money making product. “What do we have here, boys.” “Mr. President! So good to see you!” Adam, the team leader greets you with a surprised smile. “I will be the host for this episode! Show me what you got.” You explains to the team of your presence. They all seem really glad to have you as the host. They offer condolence to your sickly mother and HIGH RECOMMAND you or something else to be the host. They believe the poor woman deserve more rest. Oh, that really stink on your big, big heart, but you won’t show compassion to your opponents in the battlefield. These apprentices better have something good for your show! “We have something good to show you!” Adam replied as if reading your thought. “Come right over you.” He lead you to a medical bed with a bunch of wire plugged to a participant’s head. He looks nervous as hell. “Why is this guy so nervous?” You asked your thought. Never letting a stray thought to gone stray for long on camera. “It’s he first time.” Adam replied. “He was very insistent on volunteering to…loyalty test for his forum or something.” He shrugged. “Your secret services checked him out and Highly Recommend him to participate, so we do.” You point your finger and poke the guy’s nose to reassure the guy like a father. “Don’t you chicken out, boy. This ain’t something awful.” He chuckled nervously. Sweat is pouring on his head. You wonder if the devices are waterproof, but best not ask it on camera. “So, what is all this?” you asked Adam for an explanation of what you sees.  “This is an EMOTIV Epoc device plugged into a digital drawing board!” Adam introduced the name of the contraption, then explains its functionality. “The Epoc replace the control of keyboard and mouse with the mind instead! And using this technology, we will have this participate draws out the landscape of the desert by FOCUSING on the scenery!” He points to the digital board with a bunch of scribble lines on the board. Some shape of words like “Helo” was drawn cruelly. “Interesting, but why would we need to know what the desert looks like?” You challenged the validity of such experiment. Adam seems a bit shocked by your question, but quickly realized you are probably asking for the sake of audience and explains, “Ah, yes, people usually can’t recall the detail of the desert scenery, so we an official records of how it looks like might help us identify where on earth the location is located.” You nods sagely at the explanation of your good question. A good host always ask the right question. “Good, then fire this thing up.” The participant tensed up at the word “Fire”, you knew you still got it. “Right away!” Adam immediately moves to sleep gas the participant. Then you wait. And wait. And wait. And wait with burger and fries. And- Oh, something scribble on the board! The words “awfuuuu”, “Somthink”, “lo' tax”, and then-  A perfect sketch of the desert… With a girl in swimwear! Well, more like photographed. Holy poo poo. Dramatic music here. Shocking announcement and discussing among the team! And Cut! Good show. You congratulate Adam on the good staging, but he said it wasn’t! Well drat. The participant woke up later and claim he doesn’t see a woman in the desert, that was… Uh… His fantasy. Well drat. You almost tempted to go too. At least you got sexy woman in the show? A few more sleep and wake cycles with other participates produced the same desert scene without the swimwear girl. You can now confirm that everyone arrives at the same location of the desert! Now the image will be send to other researcher to dig up similar location on Earth. Anything else you want to do before moving on to the Chinese Team?
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May 23, 2017 23:32
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May 25, 2017 17:55
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SniperWoreConverse posted:I can't believe this, thrump's the pres who slams, not gets slammed https://twitter.com/garyhe/status/867710859224788993 We put up a really good fight.
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May 25, 2017 21:45
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The tough talk continues regardless of how good the team is doing. “Hey eggheads, don’t forget, I asked for a weapon to use against the dream, and I expect one my desk in the morning!” You show no weakness to anyone, not even to your most trusted friend. (Exception: Your mother and father. You should never tough talk them. Ever.) The team members look at each other nervously, but remind coolheaded. “Of course, Mr. President! We all wants to bring our big toys into the dream, and we will have… The next test about it ready in the next episode!” The fierce lion stares of your powerful eyes lingers motionless for a short moment to juice out some more aggression before blinking. You can’t really perform this powerful move for long without getting grassy eyes and start tearing up, but the short moment is enough to strike fear into these beta eggplants. “We shall see.” You then walks away, but leave them a positive message. “Keep up the good work.” You snatch a random soda blatantly on the table because you can. That will show them. -------------------- Walking on the platform towards the lab next stage, you can’t help but think more about your mother’s role in the show. The audience demand a new host, and you are planning to sacrifice your mother to do it? What would she think when her beloved son tell her she is fired from an ultra-popular show that she was forced to participate in!? Could you really do it to the poor old lady? Your family? By the time you noticed it, you are already in the Chinese Lab filled with a nice stage set that’s like the best season of Home Improvement show. They are shrilling some sofa this time and some expensive car. Another comfort test or something. You didn’t really pay any attention with your mind clouded by your mother. The kind mother that ordered the servants to push you on a swingset while other kids are forced to watch you swing all gracefully alone on the set. The time when you watch you sliding down the side with a bunch of pillows placed on the surrounding ground. The Jungle Gym where musclemen crawling and climbing for your amusement. The Mazes where the gardener mow down all the plant wall on wherever you decided to go. Ahh… Such wonderful memories with your mother(‘s servants). No. You cannot let your mother off the show. When did you give a drat about what people think? Without regret for any consequence for the show or the Chinese, you snatch the microphone from the shrilling Chinese man that may or may not be a scientist. “Listen up, America and the rest of the world.” You point at the camera with a serious expression that means business. “Listen up, America and the rest of the world.” You point at the camera with a serious expression that means business. Motherly business. “I know there are very, very, little of you complaining about the perfect show. About my mother not fitting to be the show host because she is too old, too cool for your taste. Well, too bad, I am keeping her in because she is very, very, nice person and you will get to like her if you would give her a chance without your drat prejudice!” “Yeah! Mr. President Trump is right!” The Chinese guy with his snatched mic shouted his cheer of your words! “In China, Filial Piety is a virtue! Taking care of your parent is the responsibility of a child!” More cheers from the rest of the Chinese team erupted in this sudden-philosophical argument. “Most of you westerner haven’t even heard of the word Filial in your whole life! All you do is dump your parent to a house or a retirement home once they are old and useless to you! Such horrible practice from the west! Shame on the child!” You were starting to worried that your spotlight might be stolen, but the Chinese guy hand it back to you as if in cue. “Trump is a real man! He cares for his mother! He loves his mother! He knows what it is like to be a Filial Child!” “Yeah!” You are quite hyped by the praise about this fila-something that you never heard of, but you are that guy now! Yeah! “I don’t ditch my mom in a retirement house! I keep her with me! Close to me in my home! I have her sleep in the bed of my office throughout the workday so she can be with me 24/7!” Actually, that was Bannon idea to have your mother stay with you 24/7 and give you sagely advices, but you are sure he won’t mind!“ The cheer behinds you faded a bit as you continues, “She have a hard time with her sickness, but she still stroke me up when I am down and blow me away with the sweetest words to my ears! I love my mother! She is the greatest woman in the world, even better than my wife! I know, because my mother’s delicate touch can reinvigorate a man into his prima bestial best form even when I am aching all over and itching toward an explosion! My mother is the most beautiful thing in the word, and I enjoy filling her life with joy like how she enjoyed bathing with me and gave me so much shamPOO all over my body! Her lips is like sweet nectar that leaks off the greatest aromas like that of a good siren and can charm a man into amorous pizza guy from a porn flim trying to lick her toe! She is so great that she never suck, and everyone else do the sucking! Why can’t you all appreciate how amazing good my mother is at never sucking!? I will tell you all now! What I said about my mother is still true to this day! I know, because I spend all day and night with my mother in the same room! It’s a top-notch experience! You will love it! Like how I enjoy my time with her! I am a naughty boy compares to her! But she get teach me straight and never let me down! She is the gentlest woman you ever know! Sometime she is so nice, I have to say to her ‘mother, you should hit me harder’ and she would say no, and I would beg for her to harden her heart to punish me for my mistake! MY MOTHER IS THE BEST! I become such a great man because of her! Just because she is older, doesn’t mean she has lost her touch! Her touch is great! You should all try it! My. Mother. Is. The. Best.” Both the film crews and the Chinese Scientists(?) are in awe of your amazing speech. You are sure everyone will have to accept your lovely mother now. Maybe it’s time to move on to the next lab before everyone fall in loves with your mother? That would be awkward. Write-in.
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May 30, 2017 23:21
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Boy, that was a mouthful. You don’t even notice the slight leak of saliva running down the corner of your mouth the whole time! You are so in the zone defending your mother that you could hum a crazy rear end metal with your nose! But alas, you are on TV, which mean you have to act cool and businessman like. You watches these awestrucked men admiring dozily at the lovely specimen of loveliness that is your mother, probably thinking naughty thoughts about her as filthy casual would prompt to do. The silence goes on. You are quite disappointed at everyone and decided to save the face by saying a cool word that your mouth fumbled to pronounce. “COVFEFE!” Another silence as everyone can’t process what you just said, and you know you said it wrong, but you would never admit your mistake. So you walk out of the lab like a sly cat and never looked back. The camera crew follows. At the hallway between the next labs, you instruct the crew to cut out the extra part that was not necessary. They agree. A lot of editing will be done to this content for sure. Finally, at the European Lab, you can hear shouting before you even walked into the lab. A second flim crews is already onsite to flim the fight. “You wanking pillock of a slag! How dare you speaks to my mother like that!” One EU scientist yelled while grabbing the collar of his coworker. Other scientist tries to stop the fight, but every British viewer will know that there is no stopping a gentleman when it comes to defending the honor of his mother. The conflict ceased temporary as you step through the door of the semi-dirty less-than-well-maintained-lab. “What the hell is this?” You complained to the EU team. “Mother’s day special?” The collar-grapping scientist was planning to let go without escalating this scene with the president and host currently present, but someone from the team, plausibly from the filming crew whispers the word “daft cow.” “WHO SAID THAT! Which gormless manky nutter dares to repeat that about my mother!?” The enraged scientist dropped the other scientist on the ground and looks around for the culprit. You… A) Watch the drama. B) Claim it is you and get into a fight with the scientist. C) Point finger at [write-in] D) Tell him to get back to work or he is fired. E) Shame the whole EU team for wasting people time F) Continue more monologue praise about your mother. G) Wooooo! Toys! Play with their machinery. H) Write-in
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Jun 2, 2017 18:24
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But what about Mother Russia?
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Jun 2, 2017 19:26
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“Stop complaining about your mother!” You screamed while pointing at the two guys that’s arguing. They ceased shamefully with their attention on you with expectation of getting a mouthful from you. Instead, you complaint about your mother. “My mother was off the show because of sickness and people BITCHING about my mother being TOO OLD for this show!” You grab one of their collars with rising anger, “WHO’S MOTHER IS MORE INSULTED? YOURS OR MINE?” “Uh-uhh-yours?” The frightened scientist sweat and speak whimper out a girly voice. “SPEAK LOUDER YOU BRITISH TEA SUCKER!” You scream at the poor man like a lion roaring with all the bad breath and spits flying to the next infection site. “Y-YOURS MOTHER!” Tear wells up from the scientist’s eyes with the foul breath poisoning its sight, and nose going overdrive to flush out the invasive odor. You drop the scientist, and he crumble to the group chocking out of the exhaust that is your breath from his lung. Your believe it is your great intimidation at work and have nothing to do to bad breath, in fact; you have the nicest, most natural breath in the whole wide world. Everyone is still stunned from your display of power, but you are too pissed to give them time to respond. Instead, you remind them who’s the boss by grapping one of the non-rebreather mask on the operating desk next to a dentist chair thing and tell them, “I AM THE BOSS, YOU SNOBS! I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO USE THIS COVFEFE PROPERLY!” You lift up the non-rebreather mask, stretching the cord that is connected to a large air tank to as far as you can pull and tell the group, “THIS IS A REBREATHER! DO YOU KNOW HOW TO USE THIS? OF COURSE NOT! LET ME SHOW YOU! And you breath in the gas that you assume will make your voice cool, but instead, your mind becoming dull as you quickly falls asleep from the sleeping gas. ----------------------------  This is your first time arriving at the desert. You recognize the surrounding exactly like the drawing from the other experiment. Yet, one detail was not included in the drawing, well two, including the missing woman in bikini, what is there nearby is a golden throne. You… A) Sit on the throne B) Wait till you wake up C) Complaint about your mother D) Build Sandcastle E) Find water F) Write-in You try to tweet, but your phone is not in your pocket. You miss home already.
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Jun 6, 2017 23:36
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There's already some sand that got on the throne. YOUR THRONE! You brush away the sand and sits on it. Finally, something nice in this des- You are not in the desert. What you see is... B) A pretty place with lots of nice flower and mushroom. C) A volcanic region with hot smoke puffin and make me sweat a lot.This place can’t be real because global warming is a hoax! All these fat lizard crawling around can’t proves it is not that hot! D) An underground tunnel with finely engraved stonewall. That gives you an idea to have all the wall in your house be carved pretty. E) A thick forest with lots of treehouses. If you know where this place is located in America, you can sell this land to a fellow billionaire, but you will have to chase out these native people on the tree who are aiming at you with bow first. F) A countryside community with farm and burrowed in earth house thing. Ah, this must be where the poor people lives their whole lazy live. Lots of child laborers here. China? I) A graveyard where a bunch of people dressed up as skeleton and zombie for a Halloween party or something. J) A camping site with a bunch of really huge and muscular… Grey-skinned Mexican? K) In a hotel room in Moscow with three women of ill repute. They are just leaving, having finished performing their services. There is a knock at the door. It is supposed to be the maid with a mop and new sheets. If it actually is or not. L) Nope, it's the same desert. M) Write-in The crossed out choice represent the feeling of occupied and not a good idea to choose it.
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Jun 7, 2017 02:58
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 The world has changed. Not in a physical or metaphorical way, but on a psyche level in the populace where people’s action defied expectations and established chaos.  More and more people are dissatisfy by the days with all the bad things in the world, and more of them are tired the same old deadlock of bi-party system with awful candidates that only cares about making themselves richer. More people become emboldened to lead towards the independent side of things. Their brave decision may have saved America from a terrible tyranny that would consume all in vodka-oiled fire. However, the cause of this new order of glory and greatness might be more ‘foreign’ in its origin than we thought…But that’s fine, because you are- ------------------------------------------------------ Election days come and go. But political and social revolutions that attempt to transform our society never end. Millions of Americans has placed their trust in you, President Bernie Sander.  You, of the independent party, achieved the impossibility to cause this extraordinary bi-partisan America to place their faith in an outside party, outside of their comfort zone, or maybe because their candidatesare outside of their comfort zone, either way, you won.After so many years of serving the country and its people without succumbing to corruptions, you are given the chance to realizes your dream and impose true equality to all American. For once, money did not buy America a new president.  However, not everything will be easy. Republican remain in control of the House and Senate. Something they steal with their years of gerrymandering districts to their favor. You won’t discount that Democrat also did the same thing, but that’s why you are elected. Someone who have the chance, and the will to fix all these corruption for good. If that foolish Trump were to won the presidency (Not that it would ever happen), It will be the golden age of Republican, but you believe their greed and corruption will eventually destroy themselves even with a puppet president. The greed and corruption that is still present in the current government shall be mow down by your justice and make American Dream a thing again. Now at full power of the government, Republican will do all they can to obstruct you like Obama, and slander any of your choice to make their party look better. Yet, you did not expect the first major crisis would come so soon to test your presidency: World leaders are disappearing in their dream, and in your dream, there is a throne. What will you do? A) Try and sit on it B) Wait until you wake up. C) Write-in
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Jun 14, 2017 01:31
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 This is outrageous! To think, you who devoted your whole lives for the sake of people and anti-corruption would dream about a throne and nothing else!?  You strike boisterously at the throne with you fist! The founding fathers fought wars for their refusal to submit to the authority of the king in order to form this wonderful republic nation of United State of America! All men should have equally and there is no one who can rules over others with the consent of the people! Things like the throne should be shattered from your psych forever!  … Yet, it was your fragile hand that screams in pain in respond to the hard material of the throne. Alas, you are an old politician, not a soldier. Still, you gave the throne another hard kick in defiance and your leg scream in painful agreement of your righteous act. drat this throne. You are not leaving this dream until you topple this vile thing from your very mind!  After a very long moment, you finally toppled the throne down 90 degree.. You breath heavily from the exertion and sweats from the heat of the desert. You must be absolutely disheveled, not that you care about the appearance. What is important now is to find water. You could really use a drink. As you leave, you took another glace at the throne to make sure it stayed down, and noticed something written on the bottom of the throne:  What kind of language is this? Arabic? Anyway, your priority is to get water. So you walked and walked for maybe an hour or nearing two? The desert is unending, and the sun remind high in the sky. Night time isn’t likely to come for many more hours, but you will push on, until you collapsed in fatigue or fainted from heatstroke. ----------------- There is always dishevel man to greet you in the morning, and that person is not your wife.  “What a mess.” You commented your aging and tired face in the mirror. The you in the mirror greeted with tired stares of an overworked man, yet there is still hope and dream in the tired eyes. For the people and the future of this nation, you will keep going until this body melt. Your hair is much messier than normal due to a pretty bad sleep you have last night. The dream, it felt so real, awfully real. You hope you won’t have that dream ever again… Not without a sledgehammer. That throne is really pissed you off for some reason. You don’t feel like combing you hair today. All you care now is getting a coffee with breakfast… after your cold shower.  You have a particular rough shower with the splitting headache… “BERNIE SANDER!” You suddenly yells your name as the headache suddenly intensify. “I AM…. BERNIE… SAAAAAAAANDER!” Panting painfully as you duck down from the headache. It fades away soon, and you wondered why you scream your own name. Like you have an existential crisis or something. You hope you didn’t get any brain disease. It’s too early for you to go. Not when you are the President of the United State!  Upon your arrival at the oval office, your Vice President and Senior Advisor is waiting in the room for you. They are… Write-in
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Jun 20, 2017 23:47
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Ugh. Your headache is too distracting for you to address your vice and head advisor. They expressed concern for you, but you assure them you are fine as you sit down on the president chair… Feels like a normal office chair… Good. You don’t want to get too comfortable to risk corrupted by greed and pride, the very sins that have taken of the Republican party. Coffee returns your sense to reality, and briefing from your advisor begins: - Many world leader is missing after experiencing the desert dream. Some ex-leader or presidential candidate like Obama and Clinton are reported missing. - Some celebrities like Arnold and Kim are also missing. No report of civilian missing except... -The current pope is missing and the previous pope will handle the church for now. - The UN will held an emergency discussion after each nation get a new leader. - Among the reported missing world leader so far are, China, Israeli, South Korea, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Brazil, Japan, France, UK, india, and Germany. - We have lost communication with Russia and N. Korea. - Drunk or sleep medicine let people skip the desert in the dream. There are unrest in the nation, and a few political agenda are proposed: 1) Parents demands the removal of alcohol or sleep med age restriction on children to prevent them from being kidnapped by the desert dream. Republican oppose this on the principle of children should not get drunk or take sleep med at such a young age. A) Approve B) Refuse 2) As one of the few leaders of the world who are not kidnapped, suspicious eyes naturally stares at them. People around the world want to know what is going on. Pick any. C) Held a news conference D)Keep quite with what we know E) Set up research team to figure it out F) Corporate with other country with research G) Invade a tyrannical country by blaming on that country. This choice will null other choices. H) Write-in 3) Republican are planning to reduce government funding for environment and other related science, downsize many departments, and lower overall cost of benefits programs… And give tax cut for the billionaire. I) Oppose them with all your might! J) Agree. You sold your soul to the devil. K) Find a middle ground like Obama. L) Slander them, demonize the republican party in hope the people will oppose them. M) Write-in 4) Gun sales are in all time high, but it will be fatal if a riot broke out with everyone having guns. N) Denounce gun usefulness against dream O) Agree. Gun keep you safe. P) Try to ban guns with executive order. Q) Restrict gun to pistol only with executive order. R) Write-in 5) Do you want to avoid the dream too? S) Yes, take alcohol T) Yes, take sleep med U) No V) Write-in
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Jun 28, 2017 01:41
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 08:19 |
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No. What’s the point of preserving children that might grow up to be deficient, alcoholic, or mental disability? The risk is great, but you make your decision to keep it as it is. Your rating will tank if a bunch of children went missing on their bed, but you don’t give a drat about rating. Not all decision will have a happy option, and it is impossible to please everyone. Focusing on people’s health and happiness is what important!Opportunely, this also pleased the conservative. Yet, it’s not enough to deter the greed of these politicians who wish to pass tax cut for the rich by cutting everything else. Their newfound boldness from controlling both the congress and senate means they can overwrite your presidential veto with 2/3 majority. The best you can do is to deter the process a little with all your might and hope some republican change their mind (never) on tax cut for the rich and repealing Obamacare. You made a presidential speech of the foolhardiness of bringing gun to dream or notion that gun can save you from this phenomenon somehow, and ridicule of parents who would drug their kids without evident of child kidnapping. It will only cause death rate and sickness to rise in the nation amid all these fear and worries. The pro-gun people will call you anti-gun all they like, you are sticking to the fact. After spending most of the day on calming down the domestic chaos, you return your full attention to finding the solution to this dream issue. It’s good that you have time to tackle this on the first day of its occurrence and your competent team makes it easier for you to handle this phenomenon. In fact, they already scheduled up to partner with EU for a joint research with your approval. It’s worrisome to send your most talented scientists to Europe, but you don’t need to pay their salary, and that’s good for the treasury. You did have a promise of not outsourcing American job to foreign country, and now you can get the result without paying a cent while you outsource YOUR scientist to EU. 1) You done everything you can in regards to this phenomenon. Now you have to wait for the result, and you might experience the dream again if you don't do something. A) Take alcohol B) Take sleep med C) No D) Stay await through other means, write-in 2) Russia and North Korea is oddly quite with zero responds to our communication. Could their leaders also adducted by the dream? E) Send spy agent to find out F) ignore them. G) Take advantage of the missing leaders to increase America influence in the middle east. H) Write-in 3) Why are movie and TV show host being kidnapped? Could it be kidnapping anyone who went on TV before? Should you do something to prevent American's celebrities from abduction? I) Yes, write-in J) Nah. You will give the research team one week before making your next decisions.
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Jul 2, 2017 19:47
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