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Would you try eating "goatmeal", or would you pass up the opportunity? Please bear in mind that in this hypothetical scenario, this is your only chance to try "goatmeal". If you pass this up, you will never in your entire life get another chance to try "goatmeal".
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Apr 15, 2017 20:39
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yes immediately without thinking just like my posts
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Apr 15, 2017 20:40
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depends on what it looked like op but maybe
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Apr 15, 2017 20:40
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Samuel L. ACKSYN posted:depends on what it looked like op You don't get to see it before you decide. It is brought out on one of those fancy metal platters with the bell-shaped lids on them, and you only get to see it if you say yes. It is hot to the touch, hot enough that your finger jerks back reflexively when you touch it before you even perceive the heat, and you can smell a very faint but undeniable whiff of goat sifting out from between the lid and platter, as well as something else you can't quite identify... nutmeg, maybe?
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Apr 15, 2017 20:43
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Goat is the tastiest animal OP
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Apr 15, 2017 20:45
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Goat is good. Yes I say. I hope its spicy.
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Apr 15, 2017 20:47
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The platter is brought out by a stocky, mustachioed Serbian man. The hair on his knuckles forms a comical aesthetic contrast with the elegance of the platter, the Art Deco patterns covering the table at which you are sat, and the sparse, 2001-esque nature of the blank room you both occupy.
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Apr 15, 2017 20:48
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God, you're starving. The invitation specified not to eat anything for forty-eight hours before the event, and for some reason, you felt compelled to comply. You briefly worry whether your current state might be masking -- or causing you to ignore -- any possible warning signs about this situation, but there's really no way to know.
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Apr 15, 2017 20:54
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I tell the waiter to send the dish away and instead I opt for the chef recommended "moatmeal". Me and my party guests are brought outside as the chef starts digging a large ravine and tankards of water are brought to the restaurant.
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Apr 15, 2017 20:56
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Don't eat goats, they are Satan's friends.
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Apr 15, 2017 20:56
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The wiseguy of the party, Brent, jokingly says that we should have ordered the "coatmeal" before gnawing at his fried jacket.
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Apr 15, 2017 20:56
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If I eat it do I get to eat it again if I like it or is this the only goatmeal in the universe
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Apr 15, 2017 20:56
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Putty posted:I tell the waiter to send the dish away and instead I opt for the chef recommended "moatmeal". With this decision, your chance to try "goatmeal" has forever been lost. You will never know its flavor, its texture. But your satisfaction at outwitting the parameters specified in the scenario far outweighs any sense of loss -- or at least pushes it down deep into your subconscious. You smirk at Brent and give him a pat on the back, admiring the beginnings of your new castle, your new kingdom.
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Apr 15, 2017 20:59
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Dial-a-Dog posted:If I eat it do I get to eat it again if I like it or is this the only goatmeal in the universe This is the only dish of "goatmeal" that currently exists.
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Apr 15, 2017 20:59
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Waiter on second thought I'd like to try the boatmeal.
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Apr 15, 2017 20:59
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why cant i ever try it again
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Apr 15, 2017 20:59
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oatmeal specially prepared by the goatman
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Apr 15, 2017 21:00
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Izzhov posted:This is the only dish of "goatmeal" that currently exists. then no it should be in a museum
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Apr 15, 2017 21:00
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The Walrus posted:then no it should be in a museum Really? It'll probably get all moldy and gross
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Apr 15, 2017 21:01
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Do I get a commemorative shirt or something with the goatmeal? This seems like an event I would like to commemorate
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Apr 15, 2017 21:02
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given that goats will eat literally anything it could very well be "a meal for a goat", that is to say, literally anything given the ratio of food:non-food items i would say this is a losing bet no, i do not eat the goatmeal
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Apr 15, 2017 21:03
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I would decline politely.
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Apr 15, 2017 21:03
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numberoneposter posted:Waiter on second thought I'd like to try the boatmeal. Soon after confirming your choice to the waiter, you feel a weight form in your stomach. No, you think to yourself. This isn't what I wanted. You open your mouth to raise your objection -- But it's too late. The Serbian man straps you tightly into the chair. He can no longer understand your tongue. He lays out a set of utensils, at least 3 of each kind, including chopsticks. You have no idea how you're going to use those things while strapped in the chair. You desperately try to turn your head away. Tears stream down your cheeks. This isn't what I wanted! But it's too late. The Serbian man lifts up the platter. In your fury, your despair, you don't even catch a glimpse of what's underneath. During your thrashing, you see the man picking up the smallest of the spoons out of the corner of your eye, and bringing it toward the platter. Then the spoon full of "goatmeal" is forced toward your uncooperative mouth. You see a flash of light, so bright, brighter than anything else you've ever seen --
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Apr 15, 2017 21:05
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The Walrus posted:why cant i ever try it again it's probably from something endangered, like the testicles of the last white rhino
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Apr 15, 2017 21:08
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Dial-a-Dog posted:Do I get a commemorative shirt or something with the goatmeal? This seems like an event I would like to commemorate On the opposite wall of the room, you see what appears to be a shiny golden medal hanging just above the door, complete with a blue and green ribbon. It's hard to make out, but there's some sort of writing on it... maybe cuneiform? Something like that? You turn to the Serbian man and ask him what it is. He just stares at you, and shrugs. Suddenly, a voice comes from the set of four PA speakers set up in the four upper corners of the room. It is a very posh British male voice, whose dulcet tones are sharply offset by the grainy feedback of the speakers. "It's ancient Sumerian. It roughly translates to, 'Yes, I have tried the goatmeal.'" Izzhov fucked around with this message at 18:46 on Apr 18, 2017 |
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Apr 15, 2017 21:09
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can I have seconds?
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Apr 15, 2017 21:12
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Bobmuffins posted:given that goats will eat literally anything it could very well be "a meal for a goat", that is to say, literally anything I.C. posted:I would decline politely. Confident in your reasoning, you simply turn to the waiter and say, "No, thanks. But I appreciate the opportunity." He sets the platter gingerly down on the table, delicately folds the napkin hanging from his arm next to it, and walks up behind your chair to pull it outward as you stand up. You walk out of the strange room, and back into your average, unexceptional life. You eventually get married. You have a few kids, or adopt them, or don't, if you're /r/childfree. You feel reasonably happy. But once in a blue moon, you wake up in the middle of the night, and you touch your cheek, and tears are streaming down your face, and you don't know why. Eventually you succumb to pancreatic cancer, and depart this world peacefully in your sleep, surrounded by loved ones. Your very last thoughts are of your mother. But as a goat.
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Apr 15, 2017 21:14
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goats are tasty. oatmeal is tasty. i would trample over my own grandfather to reach a sweet bowl of goatmeal. and he's dead!
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Apr 15, 2017 21:16
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i'm going to go slaughter some goats now and start manufacturing goatmeal, watch out for the kickstarter.
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Apr 15, 2017 21:18
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What is it? You never said we couldn't ask what it is.
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Apr 15, 2017 21:21
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Brent: haha heys guys why am I on the other side of the moat? hello?
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Apr 15, 2017 21:20
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alpaca diseases posted:can I have seconds? lorn Wayne posted:goats are tasty. oatmeal is tasty. You are so disappointed by the piddly size of the metal platter. You haven't eaten in two days, god dammit! You turn to the waiter, give him a puppy-eyed look, and do your best Oliver Twist impression, "Please, sir, may I have some more?" The waiter's eyes widen for a moment, unibrow jumping upward. Then he walks up to a particular spot on the eastern wall, and gives it a couple stiff knocks at about head level. A tall, thin compartment extends mechanically outward from the formerly smooth surface. The Serbian man reaches down and pulls out what appears to be a cattle brand, its end glowing red hot. Your eyes widen a little and fear and adrenaline starts coursing through your veins. You try to get away from the thing, but there's nowhere to run. With the brand between his teeth, the man wrestles you to the ground, and plants the hot end of the brand firmly on your rear end. You let out a yelp of pain. "GREEDY," it says, in big block letters, surrounded by a border. Then you are thrown out onto the street on your rear end, which hurts even more since your rear end just got branded. Welp.
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Apr 15, 2017 21:24
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Izzhov posted:You are so disappointed by the piddly size of the metal platter. You haven't eaten in two days, god dammit! You turn to the waiter, give him a puppy-eyed look, and do your best Oliver Twist impression, "Please, sir, may I have some more?" worth it for the extra helping of goatmeal. i did get one right?
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Apr 15, 2017 21:26
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Bareback Werewolf posted:What is it? You never said we couldn't ask what it is. It occurs to you that the man serving the platter may have more information. "So... what is it?" you ask him. The man turns his face blankly to you. "Goatmeal," he says, with a very thick Serbian accent. "Uh, yeah, but what is it? Like what's it made of?" The Serbian man makes a puzzled, annoyed expression like you're a complete loving dumbass. "GOAT.MEAL." he repeats, louder this time. "No, but what's in goatmeal? What are the ingredients?" The man's face contorts into an expression of pure rage. He picks up the brutally hot platter, holds it like a football, and tackles you, pinning you to the ground. You raise your hands up in front of your face, but it's no use. "GOATMEAL!" he shouts as he lifts the platter above his head and brings it down on your face. "GOOOAAAAAATMEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAL!" he exclaims as he caves your skull in. Your last thoughts are of the nutmeg farm you visited with your grandfather as a child.
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Apr 15, 2017 21:29
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lorn Wayne posted:worth it for the extra helping of goatmeal. i did get one right? lol no you didn't even get to see it
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Apr 15, 2017 21:30
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WHAT UP ARE YOU READY FOR THE BEST IDEA EVER? YOU HAVE MONEY? YOU WANT EVEN MORE MONEY? GUESS WHAT? WE GOT A GREAT IDEA FOR YOU! 2, 1 GOAT MEAL THE FIRST ALCOHOLIC, GOAT BASED PROTEIN MEAL FOR BODY GUARDS, BY BODY GUARDS
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Apr 15, 2017 21:31
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Izzhov posted:lol no you didn't even get to see it ffs alright time to set up my own goatmeal still, screw the law
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Apr 15, 2017 21:33
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Putty posted:Brent: haha heys guys why am I on the other side of the moat? hello? You weren't smirking at Brent's joke -- you were smirking at your own guile (or perhaps "euphoric at your own intelligence," to quote one of your favorite modern philosophers). While your friend was gnawing on his coat, you managed to slap his back hard enough to send him careening a few steps forward -- far enough to take him to the other side of the moat-in-progress before the water level got too high. As Brent waves frantically to you and the rest of your party, you see a black-hooded man quietly step up behind Brent and raise an axe high above his head. Perfect, you think to yourself. This is going to be delicious.
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Apr 15, 2017 21:36
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lorn Wayne posted:ffs alright time to set up my own goatmeal still, screw the law You pull the last few strands of hair painfully out of your epidemis. Your scalp now looks like the results of a horribly botched acupuncture. Where did I go wrong? you think, exasperatedly. I thought I had it! You've been spending the past three sleepless weeks attempting to develop your own formula for "goatmeal." What about.. three cups of goat, two tablespoons of nutmeg, and a quart of my own urine? No, I tried that one already... god loving dammit, what am I missing? A faraway siren slowly enters your conscious perception. Oh poo poo it's the feds... I gotta get outta here! you think to yourself, and do so by immediately picking up the two-barreled shotgun in the corner and blowing your loving brains out. Your last thoughts are of the time you went to a regular farm with your grandmother, and they let you ride the goat, but you accidentally had an "accident" while doing so and long story short the goat ended up permanently disfiguring your genitals. Izzhov fucked around with this message at 07:39 on Apr 17, 2017 |
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Apr 15, 2017 21:42
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Izzhov posted:lol no you didn't even get to see it wtf I asked for seconds after I'd already eaten it Izzhov posted:"GOOOAAAAAATMEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAL!" this is me now but clawing at the gate
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Apr 15, 2017 22:00
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