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Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
Faking it until you make it except your dream is to be the Chief Justice of the Surpreme Court

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Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
A hushed conversation on the phone held by a very intimidating-looking man and the conversation topic sure sounds like a euphamism

Did you get the pop tarts? Its going down tonight. O'Dog and Manzino and the girls are waiting to pack lunches back at the crib. Oh they're in the bag? Just be sure big brother doesn't see you bringing the stash in. And I don't have to remind you what Rick will do to all of us if we're late. That would be our last breakfast. Yeah. Ask Mystic to top you up for the next run while you're at the spot.

Except it actually is about pop tarts

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 10:00 on May 6, 2024

Prurient Squid

Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
The mafia people are wargaming the big heist.

"But first I thought I'd get some little houskeeping tasks settled. The fire exits are there and there. Also I'd like to go through a few safeguarding issues..."

Karate Bastard

Wereware: software that once in a blue moon turns into a full enterprise solution architecture, leaving behind only an unexplained audit trail of dead maintenance engineers

Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
To combat loneliness, keep people on their toes and nice to each other, and for just plain fun if you bump into a specific person a certain number of times or do something else pre-determined like sneeze at the same time, you become legally married.

Nobody tells you what you prompt for any given person is or how many times it has to happen. Nobody could. The conditions are randomized by AI and CCTV keeps tabs.

There's also no paperwork involved and no ceremony. A drone flies down to you both and plays a pre-recorded message saying 'You're married. Now kiss.'

The Voice of Labor

old ladies at the sporting goods store buying pads and helmets in anticipation of the contact bridge season starting up again

frump truck

hello... again!

Bright Bart posted:

Faking it until you make it except your dream is to be the Chief Justice of the Surpreme Court

Chief Justice of the Supreme Bo(u)rt

frump truck

hello... again!

imagine if you WERE the chief justice of the supreme court but your actual dream was to lick things at mcdonalds

The Voice of Labor

manny's burgerarium: touted as having the best fries in town because manny personally samples every single fry served for quality and consistency. the burgerarium goes belly up 3 months after it opens, not, surprisingly, because people are grossed out by all their fries coming with bite marks, nor because of manny's heart problems being aggravated by salt, oil and potato, but because the strip mall housing the burgerarium was irreparably damaged by meteorites

Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
I want to go to one of those rallies where ridiculous angry people wear airsoft armour with webbing and like four belts and homemade militia patches. Except instead of unfortunately real firearms, my holsters will have things like a heavy stapler or button-press. One will have a hotdog I nonchalantly pull out and start eating. Then I'll clean up after myself using a tactical black Swiffer with red dot sight.

I understand, superficially, that this is a terrible idea and could get me seriously beaten. But I'm still gonna do it.

The Voice of Labor

dude gets laid off. he looks through the local community college's vocational programs and finds that all they offer is courses on plasma donation, can collection and recycling, drug dealing and sex work

Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
A man works hard his whole life to clinb the corporations ladder.

Newsroom boy, work-study student, post-grad intern, account manager, area mananager, and junior vice president.

But it's only now, with his recent promotion, to team lead at the company's biggest dick sucking factory, that he can well and truly know his parents would be proud of him.

Drink-Mix Man

You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Bright Bart posted:

A man works hard his whole life to clinb the corporations ladder.

Newsroom boy, work-study student, post-grad intern, account manager, area mananager, and junior vice president.

But it's only now, with his recent promotion, to team lead at the company's biggest dick sucking factory, that he can well and truly know his parents would be proud of him.

just shows that if you work hard, you can suck seed.

Karate Bastard

The Voice of Labor posted:

manny's burgerarium: touted as having the best fries in town because manny personally samples every single fry served for quality and consistency. the burgerarium goes belly up 3 months after it opens, not, surprisingly, because people are grossed out by all their fries coming with bite marks, nor because of manny's heart problems being aggravated by salt, oil and potato, but because the strip mall housing the burgerarium was irreparably damaged by meteorites

Karate Bastard

Hoo boy what a page, great work everyone, I almost wish there were more threads instead.

Karate Bastard

Bright Bart posted:

area mananager

It's the natural progression from being an area manager in this business sector.

The Voice of Labor

my view of the world flipped on its head as I watched del the funky homosapien sell out while m.c. hammer remained true to the game

Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
Pre-distressed BMWs and Jaguars and the like

Artfully key-ed up, the hood emblem comes looking like it's been pried out with a crowbar, there's a faux nail-in-tire effect, and 'RICH DICK' on fake dust on the windshield

Karate Bastard

Banned for excessive gooning.

Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
A goon! A goon! My kingdom for a goon!

Prurient Squid

Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
A wrestler with two heads whose entrance theme blares "Two heads are better than one!"

Finger Prince


Prurient Squid posted:

A wrestler with two heads whose entrance theme blares "Two heads are better than one!"

He's his own tag team partner

Prurient Squid

Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
But is "Johnny Two Heads" a Heel or a Face?

Finger Prince


Prurient Squid posted:

But is "Johnny Two Heads" a Heel or a Face?

Both. When the heel face is tagged in, the face face does these overexaggerated expressions of shock and remorse when they smash someone with a chair or what have you.

Prurient Squid

Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
They start off as partners but then they have a public feud. The two heads join different teams. This is great.

Finger Prince


Prurient Squid posted:

They start off as partners but then they have a public feud. The two heads join different teams. This is great.

It all leads up to a dramatic climax where they've had enough, and choke-slam themselves.

Karate Bastard

The feud started when it became known that they had stolen each other's pants.

The Voice of Labor

the heads finally reconcile when ones goes into management and keeps scheduling the other one in jobbing matches he doesn't want to fight in. and finally comes the realization that pain caused to one is pain caused to both

Finger Prince


Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, starring Denzel Washington as Yoda

Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
Samuel L. Jackson plays both Mace Windu and Yoda.

Drink-Mix Man

You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Aliens come and land on our planet to meet with the heads of state, and launch into a mean-spirited roast of all of them, followed by threats to annihilate earth. Pandemonium ensues and civilization as we know it is upended.

It turns out they didn't mean anything by it, they just thought from all the aggression they observed in our media that we were one of those "always belligerent" species where insults were a courtesy.

Prurient Squid

Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
David Lynch invents a form of martial arts called the Weirdo Way which allows one to disarm a person who is about to watch a feature film on an iPhone.

Trying

Cumwell’s Seed Storage

Prurient Squid

Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
Dick Bastardly.

Finger Prince


Chess, but with archers.

Finger Prince


Chess, but you promise to wed your daughter to the son of the guy who's just won at the table next to you, so that he commits his armies to your cause and attacks your opponent's flank.

Finger Prince


Chess, but if you can slowly move one of the taken pawns around to the other side of the board and next to their king, without your opponent noticing, you can auto-win by announcing an assassination.

Finger Prince


Chess, but instead of capturing a piece, you can chose to roll a d20 to persuade the captured piece to join your forces. Each piece has a loyalty stat that you roll against. If you win the roll, the piece becomes yours and you may place it in an adjacent open square. If you fail the roll, you don't capture the piece and your opponent may place your piece in an adjacent open square.

The Voice of Labor

shogi but you know the rules well enough to be proficient and you have someone to play against

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Buttchocks

No, I like my hat, thanks.
Chess, but with X-Treme Lumberjackin' Challenge rules

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